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Author Topic: The Black Birch Baton.  (Read 5563 times)
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #15 on: 10 August 2007, 05:38:18 »

Ok, as the music folks seem to be away, I try to take a look at this one as far as I can, Petros. At least I was a flugelhorn (my dictionary says that's the correct translation for the German "Flügelhorn") player at the village's band in my teens :)

Overview.
- It took a while for me to get it that "Beetimesthree" obviously stands for the 3 Bs in "Black Birch Baton". Solution: mention it explicitly

- It's "referred", not "reffered".

- Also mention the various names of the instrument in the first lines of the Overview part, like "Blachbirton", as this one suddenly appears out of nowhere. I also like your suggestions: Trinibee and Trilobee. These sound really lovely to me. Maybe - as they sound a bit diminuitive - they could be smaller versions of the instrument?

- You have several suggestions on how to write our dwarves: Theregrim, Thergrim - better use Thergerim!

- Always write "black birch baton" in the instruments entry as "Black Birch Baton" - guess I told you already last entry.

Description.
- I  can't say if there are "Ah" varieties of that instruments and what "playing in Ey" means, that's something for our bards to decide and to nail down.

Production.
- You write that mostly the "Eylians" (I assume you mean "Eyelians") produce such instruments, but I wouldn't be os sure about that. The instrument combines metal technology with wood, and the Eyelians are more a nature loving tribe (Red Indians based). And it's difficult to imagine them as the main producers of Black Birch Batons...

Usage.
- You need to avoid "I" in Compendium entries. Lexicon entries are written in an objective way - you can quote various subjective views for example, but the tone needs to stay objective.

- Using "annonymous" as the creator of the "Avá's Dream" suite doesn't sound convincing. How about inventing a name and sketch a famous bard celebritiy that way? A little Santharian Beethoven?

- Especially as you use the term "orchestra" this all sounds very modern to me. Another reason to place the invention of this instrument in a more recent time. Nowadays there might be orchestras at the Santhran's court in New-Santhala, but this surely was different in ancient times.

Origin and History.
- If you read it the first time you don't notice who's the dwarf and who isn't in "Aeheldred and Bellatrix".

- Creation of this rather techincal instrument in 856 b.S. also seems very ancient to me, which I personally find pretty unrealistic. The clarinette for example was invented in the time of the Baroque (1600 and 1750), so it is a pretty new instrument. We should try to keep it similar to maintain realism. Humans and dwarves also weren't that close together before Santhros. Would also good to place these inventors somewhere in our world.

----------

So basically aside from the mentioned suggestions, the technical side still needs to be confirmed by our bards - then I don't see many problems with this one :)
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« Reply #16 on: 15 August 2007, 07:01:59 »

You played the Flugelhorn Artimidor? Thats sooo cool!! :D do you still play?
im more of a woodwind person myself but i think you earn the right to becom my B-Flat Buddy,Yayy!!! grin
i ironed out most of the bugs, like all the Back Birch baton caps. and i altered some bits to make them more fluid.

Thanks for your comment B-Flat buddy!!! heart fish
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« Reply #17 on: 15 August 2007, 14:51:20 »

No, I don't play Flugelhorn anymore - my musical career ended with 17 or so when the workload I had to do for school increased. I even had a trumpet at home - maybe it is still in the attic somewhere... :) Before that I had learned melodica by the way for a few years, don't know if these instruments even still exist today.
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« Reply #18 on: 15 August 2007, 19:12:54 »

Achh well, thats a shame...remember, theres always time for music Artimidor!! grin
The melodica sound cool though...ye were a right wee musical lad back in the day! :D

dont fancy some virtual clarinet lessons do you...well ill need your pin number and bank details first of course... lol  :P
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« Reply #19 on: 18 August 2007, 07:23:38 »

Sorry to br a wee nuisence...Again!! grin
but it would be GRAND if someone could put a wee comment here and there, cause i would really like to get this finished, so i can start other things! :D

Thanks for reading this far!! :) heart
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« Reply #20 on: 25 August 2007, 05:48:52 »

Artimidor!!! grin heart (putting this here cause i didnt know where else to post it)
Do you know when the next update will be fair Webmaster? :)
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Petros Greenvale
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« Reply #21 on: 25 August 2007, 06:01:04 »

Next update - if everything works well - will be Sunday in a week.
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« Reply #22 on: 25 August 2007, 06:05:22 »

Thanks Art! heart Better get to work on some things! cool *Skips off happily, humming "Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho its of to work we go" *
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« Reply #23 on: 01 September 2007, 01:56:51 »

Spell checked!!! teehee!!! heart grin
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« Reply #24 on: 14 September 2007, 00:14:05 »

*sighs* Sorry again, but this is quite frustrating. Can some one please comment on my instruments. I have bellrung and PM'd the Bard and Gean several times, and i even PM'd Allyse a couple of times, yet i get not even the teeniest wee bit of response? Im not asking for much, just a wee line or two would make me very happy! Sorry, i know im beggining to sound like a naggy, impatient wee apprentice who doesnt know when to shutup, but ive been waiting for weeks. Id LOVE to at least get something approved, so i can start other works. heart :)

Thanks for your time, and sorry again! heart hug
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« Reply #25 on: 14 September 2007, 00:41:34 »

Wow perhaps my mage will have to take up an instrament!

Excellent work my friend!
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« Reply #26 on: 14 September 2007, 00:58:14 »

See thats all im asking for! *hugs Gervase* heart
« Last Edit: 14 September 2007, 01:02:25 by Petros Greenvale » Logged

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« Reply #27 on: 14 September 2007, 05:01:44 »

I tend to integrate entries I like that have been sitting around for a while, lacking comments. So unless there are further comments that require a bunch of changes, this one will go up next update!
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« Reply #28 on: 14 September 2007, 05:57:25 »

YAY!! heart *hugs Artimidor* hug grin *Toddles off to finish the divinity flute*
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« Reply #29 on: 22 September 2007, 16:21:35 »

Marked for integration then!
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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