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lamertu
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« on: 01 August 2007, 19:41:55 »

This is just a way for me to keep going on the story.

If it gets too political, I can change the names, of course.

Olegar set his  one foot once more before the other. The sandstorm had been fighting him since the start of the day, but for some reason his body had refused to give up. Olegar’s thoughts had retreated to another world, as if hiding from the biting sand; his skin had since long grown insensitive.
And even if he would to some level have been conscious of the storm and his surroundings, if his mind actually registered the unending steppe his eyes saw from behind his cloth, he did not know why he kept going. He had lost, had been banished, had been abandoned by even his closest friends. If he had nothing to live for, neither did he have anything to die for.
But his mind was had retreated far in his skull, to his first memories, or even before that. He floated on a lake, seated on a small wooden raft. A ramshorn sounded over the water, announcing the arrival of the future leader – that would be him*. That should have been him. How everything had turned bad afterwards…
And now Beshug – or the Ogre, as his friends called him – Hah, friends, rather people without enough spine to stand up to him. He had arrived only a few years before, with the onset of spring. Olegar could still envision his shadow against the pink morning sky, as if the gods had cut out a part of the skydome. But the winter had been harsh to the tribe, and a strong man would be useful in taking care of the cattle. So he had been taken in, had married one of their daughters.
Now Beshug had become the tribe’s eader, and had sent Olegar away.


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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #1 on: 02 August 2007, 04:28:59 »

Guess we've made acquaintance already a while ago, haven't we, Lamertu? If so, where have you been the last, say, five years? lol

Anyway, do you plan to stay a while longer? If so, you should try to embed your story, place it somewhere, write a short teaser/summary where you want to go. At the moment this is all very unclear.
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
lamertu
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« Reply #2 on: 02 August 2007, 19:24:14 »

It's quite unclear to me as well, I could place it in Akdor (which is convenient since it doesnt have much background), and I'm quite familiar with it still).

I've been keeping myself busy with studying, political stuff, travelling, working, relations, and whatnot.

But Santharia is hard to forget :).

I am thinking of it becoming a parable for environmental destruction. Olegar will probaby have some visionary experience and try to return to the tribe, but they will ultimately reject.

Something like that.

Dont know how environmental destruction will fit in yet.
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lamertu
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« Reply #3 on: 07 August 2007, 16:39:38 »

I've written a new part, will udate this evening.
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #4 on: 07 August 2007, 19:34:26 »

Hi Lamertu - don't remember if I ever met you on the boards, but I have at least heard of you ;)

To your story - don't know, if it is a good idea to base your story on probably outdated info about an continent fairly undeveloped. What you remember from there might not fit anymore. We encourage newbies not to write things for such undecided areas. You are not a newbie, but the problems arising might be similar.
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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