* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: 1 [2]
Print
Author Topic: Kelancey's AoA--Afflictions of the Sanguine, Overview  (Read 7164 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Kelancey the Green
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 26
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 316



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #15 on: 05 June 2012, 02:03:55 »

Okay, um, I think I have a finished first draft. undecided

Please, anyone who has the time, let me know what you think could/should be done differently.  Thank you for your time investment!
Logged

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
--Master Yoda
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #16 on: 05 June 2012, 08:26:17 »

Kelancey this entry is HUGE so I will take this piece by piece as I have time.  First stop the women's issues.

I am sure my wife would have words with me if I said I enjoyed reading this entry, she would probably say something like "try experiencing it every month" BUT I really liked the part where you describe the differences among the races.  It is these parts that keep this from just being a modern day description of the menstrual cycle.  Point being, these are the entertaining parts.

"Maladies associated with these courses may be attributed to excess of sanguine and welling up of animá"
So what are we talking about here?  It appears when there is too much blood and an overwhelming crowd of Japanese cartoon characters we have some sort of problem. :)

I also like the references to the myths about this malady.  I think you did a good job keeping this short, I am sure there was a temptation to draw this out as there could be lots of myths, jokes, curses etc that could be associated here. 

We need an overview/introductory paragraph to this overall entry, instead of jumping right into the first subject.  You are using enough sophisticated words that we need to indicate in this paragraph that the information for this entry came from interviews with some of the most educated healers, clerics, etc.  The author, being you, may be one of these as well.
Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #17 on: 06 June 2012, 06:51:08 »

OK next are the TUMORS

This one seems very accurate from a modern point of view but I am concerned that the entry does not feel very middle ageish or fantasy realmish if you know what i mean.  Some ideas that may illustrate my concern:

1)  How would a healer know someone has a brain tumor or a liver tumor or a stomach tumor without looking.  (thereby terminating the patient  undecided) So of course a tumor may be found in an autopsy. I imagine autopsies are very rare by the way and would make a great entry in and of itself.  So therefore if someone displays symptoms of these internal tumors it can only be a guess that a tumor is the cause, but realistically there could be so many other things causing such symptoms I cant imagine a tumor would be diagnosed.

2) Visible tumors like skin tumors.  I wonder if different races such as ugly orcs and trolls get tumors more than other races.  What do you think?  I also wonder why they would get more tumors than others.  Perhaps their uncleanliness or maybe it is something they eat.

3) Has there been any successful attempt to remove the visible tumors.
Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #18 on: 06 June 2012, 07:02:31 »

INTERNAL BLEEDING

I am going to recommend something drastic here.(take it or leave it)  The entry on internal bleeding is pretty generic in that describes what is obvious about loosing blood internally.  The interesting part is when you describe how to treat the blood loss.  There is already a section on treating blood loss in the Pain Remedies, blood Loss and Infection entry.   MY SUGGESTION is to take some of the interesting details about treating the blood loss and update the already existing entry about blood loss and then remove internal bleeding from this entry.  The result would be an enhanced blood loss entry and a shorter entry on the afflictions of the sanguine.

I just noticed farther down you have information on exsanguination.  Again there may be an opportunity here to refer to the already existing entry or to update it and save space in this entry for new things.

By the way I am enjoying reading your entry.  Don't let all my suggestions make you think otherwise.
« Last Edit: 06 June 2012, 07:08:10 by Seeker » Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.650


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #19 on: 06 June 2012, 09:24:19 »

Did you add in the Myrmex stitches and I just overlooked them?  :)    Also, it might be nice to cross-reference the Letter To My Daughter in the 'courses/menstruation' section.  There are a great many remedies and earthy bits of advice in the letter.  Let's see if I can track it down....
Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.650


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #20 on: 06 June 2012, 09:29:29 »

Ah yes.  Here it is.  And it really should be finished up one of these days.   Perhaps this summer vacation would be a good time to get this and the Quenyss entry DONE.  (makes mental note and sticks it on the inside of her forehead)

http://www.santharia.com/dev/index.php/topic,12818.0.html
Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Kelancey the Green
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 26
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 316



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #21 on: 06 June 2012, 18:31:50 »

To Seeker:  Thank you for your input!
  Tumors...I'm actually debating cutting that part out, because of how little would be known about them in Santharia in our present time.  Alternatively, Tumors could stay in, with the suggestion that they are obscure and poorly-understood, except when they are superficial tumors (e.g. skin) and when post-mortem studies reveal that a tumor caused a person's malady and ultimate demise.

  Could I ask for help appending my text on bleeding wounds and internal bleeding to Pain Remedies, Blood Loss and Infection Cures?  And, for that matter, is the content I'm suggesting appropriate and adequate to add to that entry?  And, as Bard Judith pointed out, I'm missing the entry on Myrmex stitches...Though, I thought I read about those in another entry somewhere...gotta do my due diligence & read some more...

And to Bard Judith:  Thank you also for your eloquent input!
  I've added the link to A Santharian Mother's Letter to her Daughter--once again, you write such lovely prose!

Ugh, bad conversation with a vice pres, just sucked the wind out of my sails.  I'll write some more a bit later.
« Last Edit: 07 June 2012, 01:13:17 by Kelancey the Green » Logged

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
--Master Yoda
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #22 on: 07 June 2012, 10:54:42 »

Myrmex stitches are described in the Surgical Procedures entry.  Located at the bottom of the entry under closing the wound. 

As for tumors i think there is some good stuff still there if you focus it on the external tumors and weave in some of the other races.  For example I am sure there could be some fun things you could dream up for the dwarves who spend so much time underground.  But that is up to you.  I understand sometimes creativity is lost after working on something for a while just to met with roadblocks.

I can certainly help to weave in the bleeding wounds and internal bleeding to Pain Remedies, Blood Loss and Infection Cures?  you have some fun things that I would really like to capture into that entry.  I will try and take care of that within the next week or so.

Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #23 on: 07 June 2012, 11:24:07 »

Kelancey I read through the rest of the entry.  OK here is my take on this. 

The Milaelean Disease. Black Death, Aramyrian Disease and Sunblood all have full entries already written/posted for them. I see no need to rehash the same information in a new entry.  But it would be great to have a Diseases Overview which would list each disease.  We could create an overview similar to the other overviews on the site See this one as an example.  We could classify the diseases in groups in the overview, blood related diseases could be one of the groups.

So if we remove the Internal Bleeding and Exsanguination as we already discussed, this only leaves Womens cramps, Tumors and Heart failure as new things.  Each of these could possibly be an entry on its own and then be included in the overview.

What do you think?
Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.650


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #24 on: 07 June 2012, 15:18:37 »

Oooh, thank you both.  Auras all around.  (Let's see if we can get Seeker up to that magical 400!)
Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Kelancey the Green
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 26
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 316



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #25 on: 10 June 2012, 22:16:03 »

AHA!  Seeker, at long last I get the message you've been painstakingly & patiently explaining to me.  Thank you!

Yes, okay, I definitely need to flesh out the introduction to the Affl. of the Sanguine, take out diseases that already have entries, and make separate entries for Tumors, Women's Cramps and Heart Failure.  I'll take some time with those, though.
Logged

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
--Master Yoda
Kelancey the Green
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 26
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 316



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #26 on: 13 June 2012, 00:12:28 »

Mental note to self, stuff to address before ready for next edit/peer review:

  • How Tumors affect different races
  • Separate entry on Autopsy procedure
  • Delete already-existing diseases from this entry
  • Make separate entries for Women's cramps, Tumors, & Heart failure
Logged

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
--Master Yoda
Kelancey the Green
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 26
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 316



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #27 on: 13 June 2012, 00:17:40 »

Could someone help me with a dilemma I'm having?

How can I update or add information to the entries on Surgical Procedures and Cuts and Their Treatments?
Logged

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
--Master Yoda
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #28 on: 13 June 2012, 00:31:12 »

As for updating existing stuff: Well, that shouldn't really be much of a problem.

- If you just want to add new sections you can just post them and mention where to put them (usually we use the "Addition to Entry" icon as message icon of these posts.

- Or, in case you want to rewrite existing sections of the entry, it is advised to post the original entry taken from the site, make the adjustments and then mark the paragraphs/sentences you changed. That way I can easily pick them out and adjust the entry. :)
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Pages: 1 [2]
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest: lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144586
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 17
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 28
Total: 28

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx