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Author Topic: Through the Serpent's Eye, an introduction to the Black Lakes of Trumatyreon  (Read 4442 times)
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Tharoc Wargrider
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« Reply #15 on: 14 December 2008, 23:39:29 »

Does this give the reader the feel, or essence, of this place? Most definately YES!

Does this brief introduction give the reader the thirst for more? Again, YES!

I don't know just how far you were thinking of going with this, Mira, but I hope you let it carry you away until we have a fully-fledged story on our hands. It's really good, and I would love to read more of Glýblu's adventures.
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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #16 on: 14 December 2008, 23:42:18 »

*blushes* Why, such praise! Thank you!

I have a few entries i want to do before the next part, so it will be at least a week or two before you will find out what happens to our little friend. I will give a little hint as to what is to come though; the next part will reveal and revolve more around the Trumarim's society!

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Avrah Kehabhra

"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron
Bard Judith
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« Reply #17 on: 15 December 2008, 12:03:07 »

With the evocative way in which you have captured the setting of this underground realm, I have no fear that our new Dwarves are in other than good hands.   The names and their etymology are particularly well-done.  More, more!  thumbup

Sincerely impressed,
 heart Judith
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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #18 on: 16 December 2008, 08:30:35 »

*gasps*  thanx

Well, i must say this is even more well-received than i would have hoped for!
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Avrah Kehabhra

"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron
Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #19 on: 01 March 2009, 10:12:45 »

Hi Mira,

I can only agree with Tharoc and Judith - it's an atmospheric and well-written story, and I would really like to find out what happened to the dwarves and to Glýblu.

There was only one passage that I found a bit confusing. I had to read it several times to come to an understanding of what's going on:

Quote
Glýblu warilly continued on his way to the exit, that would lead him into the safe halls of the Arroae, even though a tiny little voice seemed to be screaming at him in his head, trying to get the Darkling to turn around and go back into the cold, damp passageways of the warrens. It was not untill he saw the shadows moving around the entrance of the tunnel, several hours later, that Glýblu wished he'd done just that, and by then it was far to late. The world was burning.

So the fire is in front of Glýblu, right? I was confused because it seems to me that you call the same end of the tunnel "exit" first, and "entrance" later? Also, does fire in a dark tunnel create shadows, or rather flickers of dancing light? And why, exactly, is it too late to turn around? A minute later he does just that Ö Dunno, maybe Iím misunderstanding something.

But thatís a small confusion within an otherwise great text.

Sincerely, Shabakuk

(who hopes to post something for the Library himself, when the Dev Stop will be over).
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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #20 on: 01 March 2009, 20:55:49 »

Its to late to turn around safely. If he would have turned back when he first felt like something was wring, he would have passed the eye and be safe as the Warrens. When he does turn around, it is a few hours later, and he can barely race down the tunnel and jump into the Eye before it all goes "Thwoomp".

The next installment, featuring a Trumarim Dwarf in Maltolthir and taking place at the same time as this story, will be up soon after the Dev Stop!
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Avrah Kehabhra

"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron
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