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Author Topic: Krean Dancer--a little poem  (Read 5585 times)
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Alysse the Likely
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« on: 16 November 2008, 00:44:21 »
This poem was written by a penniless young Avennorian minstrel by the name of Jovrek Ranskan who became enamored with the dancer and ran away to join the circus at which she worked.  Although the romance did not prosper, Jovrek eventually became well-known as a Musical Accompanist. (circa 1600 a. S)


Krean Dancer

An acrobat upon the stage
She danced above a Pard'rin’s cage
As though she were an Ey'lian mage;
Dance magic!

With Lilliverian eyes so bright
Norsidan hair, as dark as night
This Krean tumbler was a sight;
Dance magic!

I watched her dancing on a wire
Her whirls and leaps grew ever higher
And I enraptured did admire;
Dance magic!

With splendid skill she’d spin and spring
Upon the wire, inside the ring,
Throughout my veins the blood did sing;
Dance magic!


Alysse the Likely
« Last Edit: 31 December 2008, 16:06:57 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged
Alysse the Likely
Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #1 on: 21 November 2008, 01:14:07 »
Well I see no one's even acknowledged this- But its Very Good! You have a much better grasp of rhythm and meter than is demonstrated in my poetry and its got a nice, fun tone to it that shows a coherent idea executed well!

My only critique of it would be the relevance of the references- Do Eyelians have anyting to do with the Krean? Things like that....

All in All though Alysse, I like it,

Deci
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #2 on: 21 November 2008, 01:50:56 »
Thanks, Deci!

The reference to the Eyelians was just meant to suggest that she was unafraid of dancing above a cage containing this savage animal, as though she had nothing to fear from it (like a Eyelian beastmaster), not that she actually was a Eyelian.

I appreciate that you took the time to comment even though it's not a deep serious "important" piece--just meant to be a fun little poem.  We need those too, right?


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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #3 on: 21 November 2008, 05:09:02 »
I've not commented on it purely because I'm in a huff 'cos you've seen Cirque and I haven't.

So there.

'Tis quite good, though, I s'pose.

Oh, alright then, it's very good.

Nobody likes a smartarse, Alysse. Just remember that grin
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Gean Firefeet
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« Reply #4 on: 21 November 2008, 08:26:24 »
Hey Alysse,

It really is a nice little poem and as Deci aptly noted the rhyme and metre are all in tune. Can't have enough of those, those I suppose the notebook wasn't invented yet so that the bard could set the occasion to words on the spot, he could of course do that at home :)
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« Reply #5 on: 21 November 2008, 09:52:43 »
Beautifully evocative, and crafted with care!  I particularly like 'spin and spring', which somehow has just the right medieval feel to it.  And of course the drumming of the last line, like a chant, with its pause and then downbeat... 'Dance magic!'

Bravo!  Yours might be the first poem to win an illustration.... (as opposed to vice-versa, since I remember writing the Fisher-Mouse for one of Socar's images)
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #6 on: 21 November 2008, 22:15:35 »
Thank you, everybody!

I think this got a bit lost in all the Anniversary stuff, so I'm grateful to Deci for reviving it--and the rest of you for commenting. (tries to look innocent while sticking out tongue at Tharoc, unsuccessfully  :D   They DID do something similar there--skipping rope while on the high wire, if I remember correctly, though I was peeking between my fingers in horror for part of it)  And I thought it it would be more "exotic" to make the entertainer Nyblemarian as well.

Okay, so who wants to write up the Santharian circus?  (Imagination runs rampant: freak shows with animals like the three headed Hydragons; fortune tellers; acrobats doing fantastic stunts; junior mages doing "real" magic tricks; Hey!  Thunderfoot rides for the kiddies! LOL)


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Alysse the Likely
Bard Judith
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« Reply #7 on: 21 November 2008, 22:22:11 »
While it wouldn't be a 'three-ring' under a tent, there might indeed be something more like a 'travelling carnival' -   a little dark, a little dirty, a little spangled and a little magical.... perhaps run by a group of Black Butterfly Rovers?

Think of the Black Carnival  in Peter Beagle's "Last Unicorn"....
or visit Madame Talbot's weird and wonderful neo-Victorian site...
try the Sims 'Makin' Magic' for just the right touch of neo-carnival eerie whimsy...

hey, I might write this myself....  Alysse, wanna pair up on a fantastical project?
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Tharoc Wargrider
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« Reply #8 on: 22 November 2008, 04:51:16 »
Way back when I first joined, the B B Rovers was one of the first entries I read, and I thought then that they would be ideal candidates for carnivals, fairs, fetes etc. I imagine lots of acrobats, fire-eaters, jugglers, strongmen, gypsy dancers (adults only!). Perhaps, as Judy suggests, a sideshow or two, with strange beasts, or even a freakshow?
Bearded Lady wouldn't work, that's just a Dwarf. Midget neither (Hobbit). Tattooed man/woman? Fat woman/man? Siamese twins? Parasitic twin? Strange diseases? (I'm mulling over doing a Leprosy type thing for up north, perhaps that would suffice?)

Anyway, you should have lots of fun doing this, and I can't think of anyone better suited to the job  ;)
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #9 on: 22 November 2008, 04:54:40 »
That does sound like fun!


Maybe also a little bit "World of Wonders" by Robertson Davies...the medieval attitude towards "freaks" was not as kind as modern-day standards would like to pretend.  Your average cross-breed might find a place here (half-elven dancing girls/acrobats, half orc "strong man", that kind of thing as well.)
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #10 on: 22 November 2008, 05:16:57 »
  Though I like the idea of the travelling show of fun, I only iterject to comment on the wonderful little poem.  The energy that radiates off of the words, and the mastery of rhyme displayed here are quite beautiful.  How I wish I could dance with, or even write of dancining, with such grace!  ;)

Mifer
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« Reply #11 on: 22 November 2008, 05:56:39 »
Ah, Mifer, just wait until Judith and Alysse grace us with one of their joint efforts!
Why, if I didn't know any better, I would suggest that they must be in some way related, their thoughts seem to be so similar on such matters.  ;)

And what with Gean turning out his wonderful tunes and lyrics, and the newly returned Wren creating such entrancing vocals, we truly are blessed musically here in the Dream!
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #12 on: 16 December 2008, 04:19:21 »
Bravo Alysse!

Heh heh, I see that artistic references are being delegated to the Krean...

2 quick questions:
- How do you pronounce Eyelian?
- Is there/what is the meter? It seems to alternate between 8-9 syl - unless we pronounce certain words differently.
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #13 on: 16 December 2008, 04:38:18 »
Okay, I did take a little artistic license with some of the words here (though not to the extent of, say, Ogden Nash   :D )

For this poem, "Eyelian" is slurred a little so it only has two syllables.


As to delegating artistic references to the Krean, I did that because people always think that "exotic" = better.  So they'll be more impressed by a Krean dancer than a Sarvonian one.

My husband (who is a computer programmer) likes to tell this joke :

Q:  What's an expert?

A: Someone from far away with a briefcase.


Alysse
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #14 on: 16 December 2008, 15:00:15 »
:D
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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