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Author Topic: Krean Dancer--a little poem  (Read 5570 times)
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Gean Firefeet
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« Reply #15 on: 18 December 2008, 09:25:50 »
*Walks by whistling innocently, directing the attention of all circus-designers, poem lovers and webmaster to this thread by giving it a decent shove (with his briefcase) up the "recent posts" list*

Oh and don't forget that the Sarvonian circus has to compete with the Nybelmarian one at the Tournament elsewhere at the forum. I saw you guys sticking your tongues out at eachother, you can all well do that by writing up the most fantastical, intricate tricks performed and outwit the opposition, right ;)

Carry on...
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Nsikigan Ho´Tonanese Yourth
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« Reply #16 on: 18 December 2008, 10:18:39 »
Wonderful, drew me in with the Eyelian reference, and then kept me going with the fun, bouncy, exciting style.
A true piece of art.
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Nsikigan Yourth, Eyelian extraordinare.

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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #17 on: 18 December 2008, 17:27:56 »
Very nice poem, Alysse!

It is an Eyelian, right?

And it might be just my non-native tongue which is not used to some words, but consummate sounds not right in this place, it is so heavy. Well, as Judy thinks it is great, it has to be and I will try to practise my (loud) reading to get it fluent.


I think a lot of things got lost in the anniversary stuff . I bet nobody, apart from Art, has  read my cat poem of which I am so proud! And not even Art told me, if he liked it. *sulks*
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #18 on: 18 December 2008, 18:08:07 »
Cat poem?

PS: I think once you get the rhythm right that line actually rolls and bounces off the lips quite effortlessly. The only line I have some difficulty with is "With Lilliverian eyes so bright". How would you guys pronounce Lilliverian?

EDIT: I just realized that what I wrote sounded a bit haughty. Please know that was not the intention :) Too distracted now to express myself clearly...
« Last Edit: 18 December 2008, 18:12:45 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #19 on: 18 December 2008, 18:39:29 »
Hard to find, yes, only under anniversary poems if you go to the announcement page of the 10th anniversary.

But we should not clutter Alysses's thread. 
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #20 on: 18 December 2008, 19:00:44 »
That's not a critique, more a request for help how to read it. I saw above, that in Eyelian a syllable has to be suppressed. Would it not be good to show it? I know, that in German it is possible, but youhave to show it with an " ' ".

@ Coren: Normally I would read it as Lillivérian, but here more like Líllíverian


Krean Dancer

An acrobat upon the stage
She danced above a Pard'rin’s cage
As though she were an Ey'lian mage;
Dance magic!

With Lilliverian eyes so bright
Norsidan hair, as dark as night
This Krean tumbler was a sight;
Dance magic!

I watched her dancing on a wire
Her whirls and leaps grew ever higher
And I enraptured did admire;
Dance magic!

With consummate skill she’d spin and spring
Upon the wire, inside the ring,
Throughout my veins the blood did sing;
Dance magic!


I still have problems with consummate, perfect is not a word so nice and does not cover all, but I think the rhythm is better. Isn't there another fitting word? splendid, brilliant?

I found some strange translation for "großartig"  - "the cat's pyjamas" - what is that???
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #21 on: 18 December 2008, 20:16:48 »
(grins) 'The cat's pajamas' (or pyjamas, if you like) is a colloquial expression meaning, as you probably guessed, 'great', 'awesome', 'perfect', 'just right', 'hitting the spot'.   Wiktionary says the etymology is from the 1920s:  "1920s Lingo describing someone (something) who is great, incredible or special. Usually indicating stylishness or innovation. Pajamas were a relatively new fashion in the 1920s. The term "cat" was beginning to be used as a term to describe the out going and unconventional jazz-age flappers."


And speaking of cats, what's this about a cat poem?  I love both felines and verse, so if you have combined them, I definitely do not want to miss it.  Could you provide a link, either here (Alysse won't mind!  She also loves cats!) or in a separate thread so we can read, comment, and praise?  :)
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #22 on: 18 December 2008, 21:09:00 »
Oh, it is already on the site, I had posted it in the anniversary stuff thread, so it got somehow lost. You can read it here: A Cat's Sapience
Scroll down!

And thanks for the explanationof "cat's pyjama"!
« Last Edit: 18 December 2008, 21:14:35 by Talia Sturmwind » Logged
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #23 on: 18 December 2008, 21:18:56 »
Thank you all for your comments and your interest! (blushes)

Your suggestion about using the " ' "  makes sense, Talia; I'm not sure why I didn't think of that!  It's acceptable form in English too.

I kind of liked "consummate" but "splendid"  might be better, with all the "sp" words already in that line.

I don't think I saw your cat poem either, Talia.  It might have just got lost in the anniversary stuff.   I suspect mine got noticed more because the title "Krean Dancer" attracted our Nyblemarian experts' attention.


Alysse
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Alysse the Likely
Bard Judith
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« Reply #24 on: 18 December 2008, 21:37:35 »
Ah, delightful!  I particularly like the lilt of 'canty cat' and 'burlesque' rhymed with 'desk' so playfully.



 BUT you can't just try and sneak such a neat little detail in on the Anniversary page and expect us to catch it....

I refer to this rhyme scheme "abbaaccddc, widely used by the Shendar, (which) was named "Espinela" after she made it popular with this lovely little work throughout Santharia...."

Now, how can we make that formal?  Do we have any other rhyme schemes, apart from the Orc Lymmeryk?  We must have some more Espinelas!  Perhaps an Espinela competition?  How about getting our very own Gean to referee an 'Espinela Entry' as part of the festival?   :)
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #25 on: 31 December 2008, 02:59:35 »
Would need a little intro here still to be able to get it up...
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #26 on: 31 December 2008, 04:12:17 »
Oops, I forgot.  Will do, Art!



EDIT:  Okay, done!
« Last Edit: 31 December 2008, 04:40:45 by Alysse the Likely » Logged
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