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Author Topic: Leathan's Journal; Volume:I  (Read 1376 times)
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Leathan Shirithelle
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« on: 05 February 2009, 11:11:43 »

    (introduction)This journal has been started by My Character, Leathan to let readers follow on a journey from his home in Nybelmar, to the frozen wastes of the Ice lands.   
   
     Entry:I....I have been wandering the moors of the icelands.It seems as if i have been here forever, but alas its only been a month or so since i last saw the shores of my beloved Nybelmar.I have travelled here in an attempt to find the sword of Ashelsthierre (ash-ell-stee-air) Not many people know of it, buy i have overheard conversations and read many books describing this secretive weapon.I have no clue where I am right now.Well, i am going to go to sleep, I'm heading, (hopefully) south east tommorow.




     Entry:II...I have lost the pendant of my family in the snowy wastes of the icelands.I am still lost so far, but i think i am close to the shore on the southern side.Still no sign of the blade...I am afraid its a lost cause.I miss the sweet mist of Nybelmar.I wish I had not come accross the stories of this blade...But on a lighter note, I am thinking about going north.I saw some sort of animals going north, a loud grunt and a shreik, and then only a few of them came running back.I don't know, but There may be other people here.A man from Caael'heroth tipped me off about bein armed and armored.
« Last Edit: 06 February 2009, 02:28:32 by Leathan Shirithelle » Logged

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Maggie O'Shannachan
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« Reply #1 on: 05 February 2009, 13:02:39 »

It would be really helpful for you to read over the "HOW TO DO LIBRARY ENTRIES" thread at the beginning of the libraries section!

Also another feature could add is a little intro, to tell us (in summary) about your journals, why they were written, when they were written and how they worked their way into the compendium. etc! :)

Reading what little you have produced you seem like a skilled writer, but it would be nice if you beefed up your entries quite a bit. (unless you plan to have loads of them!) This can be done by simply expanding on what you have, or by adding more information. for example... "I have lost the pendant of my family" may become "I have lost my treasured family pendant, a priceless jewel that has been passed through my family for generations..." then you could expand more by... "I searched through the bone-chilling snow until my hands bled, my chances of finding it are slim..." etc.etc.
So you can get alot more out of a simple piece of info.

(These are just some pointers by the way! ;) )

Another thing that is VERY important is research! Treat the compendium as your bestest buddy!

It also would be nice to bring in your previous journal entry into this thread!

Hope this helps a bit! :)

Spell check in Ravishing RED!

I have lost the pendant of my family in the snowy wastes of the Icelands. (space) I am still lost so far, but i think i am close to the shore on the southern side. (space) Still no sign of the blade...I am afraid its a lost cause. (space) I miss the sweet mist of Nybelmar. (space) I wish I had not come across the stories of this blade...But on a lighter note, I am thinking about going north. (space) I saw some sort of animals going north, a loud grunt and a shriek, and then only a few of them came running back.I don't know, but There may be other people here.A man from Caelereth (Caelereth is the name of the entire collective group of continents, i would be suprised if he wasnt from Caelereth!  ;) )tipped me off about being armed and armored.


(Spell check is your second bestest buddy! :P)

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Leathan Shirithelle
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« Reply #2 on: 05 February 2009, 14:20:06 »

thank you very much for your criticisms, they were very helpful.I had planned on adding my first entry and adding more as it went on, letting whatever readers go along with me on this he compendium is a very comprehensive guide and i will use it as many as twenty time per entry, trust me.Also, i hadn't seen the "how to do libraries thread"sorry....Well, i will start immediately on an updated version of this volume.

     yours truly,
              Leathan Shirithelle
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #3 on: 05 February 2009, 23:24:19 »

Hello Leathan, allow me to help you a bit on your way. Don't be scared away, if my comments are longer than what you have written.

You got a nice idea here I never came to realise myself.

Let's start with the teaser or introduction. Unfortunately there does not exist a template for the various library formats yet, but there are a few rules I want to point out to you.

Quote
   (introduction)This journal has been started by My Character, Leathan to let readers follow on a journey from his home in Nybelmar, to the frozen wastes of the Ice lands.   
We do not speak in the first person when writing compendium entries. And as Maggie already pointed out, you could add a bit more. We don't know your character (the future reader will not know about your RPG char, if you thinking at him). I just invent something:

This journal tells us about the voyage of Leathan Shiritelle, a man from the xxx-tribe, which can be found in the YYYY in Nybelmar. (Your name has to fit to the tribe though, you are not as free as on the RPG-Board to choose one.) He left his native Nybelmar at (insert the Santharian time) because (reasons why he left). After numerous adventures in xxx and YYYY (the countries you crossed) and a strenuous journey  through...  he finally arrived in zzz (add place or town, look at the maps!). After ... he left the *insert place * to visit... Here his reports starts.



   
     
Quote
Entry:I....I have been wandering the moors of the icelands.It seems as if i have been here forever, but alas its only been a month or so since i last saw the shores of my beloved Nybelmar.I have travelled here in an attempt to find the sword of Ashelsthierre (ash-ell-stee-air) Not many people know of it, buy i have overheard conversations and read many books describing this secretive weapon.I have no clue where I am right now.Well, i am going to go to sleep, I'm heading, (hopefully) south east tommorow.

Entry:
No 'Entry', tell us when this happened.
I....I have been wandering the moors of the icelands.
That tells us nothing, we know this already, be more specific

It seems as if i have been here forever, but alas its only been a month or so since i last saw the shores of my beloved Nybelmar.
No chance: Familiarise yourself with the distances (left menu, under Dev Maps), it would take far longer than four weeks to cross Northern Sarvonia alone,
I have travelled here in an attempt to find the sword of Ashelsthierre (ash-ell-stee-air)
Why does he write this journal, as a diary, or for whom? You should add this in the introduction as well. There would surely not be any hint how this sword is pronounced. Does the name of this sword fit to your heritage, the nomenclature of your tribe or wherever it is from?

Not many people know of it, but I have overheard conversations and read many books describing this secretive weapon.
There are many books about this weapon, you have overheard more than one conversations (what kind of type are you?? )how can it be a secret? Does 'secretive' not only apply to sentient persons?
I have no clue where I am right now.
Well, then he will be dead soon, if he is in the Northern wastes.
Well, i am going to go to sleep, I'm heading, (hopefully) south east tomorrow.
Tell us a bit more, where and how he sleeps, has he a tent, does he just crawl in a snow hole? And why will he only 'hopefully' go south east tomorrow? Why southeast?



     
Quote
Entry:II...I have lost the pendant of my family in the snowy wastes of the icelands.I am still lost so far, but i think i am close to the shore on the southern side.Still no sign of the blade...I am afraid its a lost cause.I miss the sweet mist of Nybelmar.I wish I had not come across the stories of this blade...But on a lighter note, I am thinking about going north.I saw some sort of animals going north, a loud grunt and a shreik, and then only a few of them came running back.I don't know, but There may be other people here.A man from Caael'heroth tipped me off about bein armed and armored.

Entry:II
See above, we want to know, how many days these two entries are apart

...I have lost the pendant of my family in the snowy wastes of the icelands.
See Maggie's comment

I am still lost so far, but i think i am close to the shore on the southern side.
Ermm, shore on the southern side? No idea, where you are or what you mean

Still no sign of the blade...I am afraid its a lost cause.
How can he believe, that he will find the blade so soon, if it is secret? Has he any hints, a map, anything which lets him hope to find it soon? Why should it be in the wastes?

I miss the sweet mist of Nybelmar.
There are not only sweet mists in Nybelmar, where from does he come? I would not say, I miss the sweet mists of Europe, but the fresh air of the mountains in xx where i was born..

I wish I had not come accross the stories of this blade...But on a lighter note, I am thinking about going north.I saw some sort of animals going north, a loud grunt and a shreik, and then only a few of them came running back.
What do you want to tell with that? Describe the animals better.
I don't know, but There may be other people here. A man from Caael'heroth tipped me off about bein armed and armored

Caael'heroth is a bit big... when did he meet the man, did he know from which tribe he was (he should...)



I hope I did not discourage you than help you. It will be a hard work for you to get all the information, a lot of reading you have to do first to get a decent entry up which tells us something about Caelereth.

But it is a start! :)


Spellcheck, each time!!!
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #4 on: 05 February 2009, 23:51:53 »

We do have a section for the Journal style in the Library (Tharoc's report on Customs and Culture of the Northern Orcs), so this could  be (eventually) located there.  However, Talia's points are valid--more description!

What you have so far is interesting, it captures the attention, but one important consideration is that YOU (not the character, but you personally) will have to know where you are to add the description.  Depending on where you are, the animals, the territory, the climate and the people and languages may differ very drastically.  Are you in the Northmost Iceland regions?  The Ka'aer territories?  The Heaths of Elderon?  Pick the region from our Northern maps and then you'll be able to add all that description--icy cliffs?  fugged mountains? flat snowy wastes?  vegetation(if any)?  animals?   And so on.

 I'd love to read more and I'm willing to help if you need ideas or information, since I'm one of the Northland moderators and, at least theoretically, an expert.  Another person who could help you would be Azhira, my co-moderator and fellow Northern expert and possibly Tharoc as well, if you will be in a region controlled by the orcs (for your character's sake, I hope not!)

Good luck!  I'll keep an eye open for your work!


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Leathan Shirithelle
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« Reply #5 on: 06 February 2009, 01:54:54 »

All of your comments are welcome, and thanks again for your many,many...many critisisms, hahahaha.I have been trying to find some info on the icelands in the compendium, but there isn't anything very useful.I'm sorry, instead of month, I should maybe use 'season'.Because the stop in Caael'heroth took up quite a bit of time.I will be working on the details, i promise.
 
                                          Sincerely,
                                                Leathan Shirithelle
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #6 on: 06 February 2009, 02:53:51 »

And don't forget to colour all your changes, Leathan :)
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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