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Author Topic: A Seagull's Cry: Chapter 3 Admiration  (Read 10827 times)
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« on: 27 June 2009, 15:57:57 »
Just an appetizer for now! ;)

I should be able to get the rest of the chapter up by tomorrow or Monday. I have been procrastinating for too long.  rolleyes
« Last Edit: 27 June 2009, 22:13:53 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged
"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #1 on: 27 June 2009, 15:58:30 »
THE STORY SO FAR...


Introduction
A Seagull’s Cry traces Dearan Asaen’s growth from a successful but frustrated young adult to a man with depth of character, vigorous in the pursuit of his own happiness. As Dearan unravels the truth behind his great expectations, the plot escalates - steering him towards maturity and a quest to live in line with his own nature. He emerges from these trials with an invigorating vision of life and an uncompromising belief in the capacity of man to be the master of his own destiny. The story and its memorable characters repeatedly spiral upwards, through anticipation, confrontation and self-correction. The end is a triumph of understanding, and of man’s right to face life on his own terms.

Chapter 1: Adumbration
In Which the Young Krean mage Déárán, having Done his Duty as an Unwilling Imperial Appraiser, is Confronted by Master Merchant Terensis, the Latter believing Himself to have been Used Most Unjustly... Meet Master Terensis, the Great Vessel, who seems to be less enraged by being Fined than by the fact that he has been fined by A Man Half His Age, whom he considers to be Barely Past Adolescence. But this he will not admit…

Chapter 2: Anticipation
In Which a more Tender Side of Déárán is Revealed. As Déárán and Khalid continue walking towards Akantha, the lady for whom the party is held, Déárán lets his imagination run wild, with characteristic good-humour and mischief. When they finally meet, the air between them is dominated as much by the Unspoken as by the words that precede and frame it.

Chapter 3: Admiration
In Which, Déárán encounters Faivis Fang Caiaphas - who talks, walks and deports himself so handsomely, so gallantly and so gracefully, that, despite all his misgivings, Déárán’s sense of justice cannot help but wish him every happiness in life, a hundred leagues away. Discover why the young mage Objects to machete-wielding princes, and why skill in swordsmanship does not necessarily qualify one for happiness hereafter.

Chapter 4: Advice
[...]
« Last Edit: 27 June 2009, 16:38:11 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged
"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #2 on: 27 June 2009, 16:03:50 »
CHAPTER 3
Admiration


It was Fang Caiaphas.

But this they did not immediately see – for Fang Caiaphas was still making his way up the stone steps from the second terrace, pausing at every other step to chat with the people who greeted him and brightening their day for having been touched with his grace. Gradually there arose before the trio his care-free, wind-blown hair, sun-touched face, neck, shirt, belt, trousers, and sandals. Glad was sight, for it rested on the full glory of Faivis Fang Caiaphas.

And it remained glad for some time: Fang, as always happens to people whom one visits and greets acquisitively, was ambushed by yet another devotee, and had stopped to exchange pleasantries, to brighten yet another soul. Fang Caiaphas talked, walked and deported himself so handsomely, so gallantly and so gracefully, that, despite all his misgivings, Déárán’s sense of justice could not help but wish him every happiness in life, a hundred leagues away.

This soul must have been in particular want of lighting up, for the miraculous process – which is usually accomplished by a few well-aimed and well-timed smiles – of transforming a perfectly ordinary (and slightly bored) countenance into one of rapture went on for quite a while. Déárán inspired; Fang Caiaphas awed.

Akantha, as future-mistress of the house, turned towards Fang Caiaphas, who was standing half a dash or so away and had not yet spotted them; laid a hand lightly on Khalid’s left arm, rather like an athlete preparing to spring; drew a long, confident breath; and parted her lips in preparation to exercising her Gift. Some things are instinctual.

“Over here! Fang! Over here!”

The female voice, especially in the context of a social gathering, is a strange battle-cry. It overpowers the commotion of a hundred children, cuts through the mating cries of more than half a dozen Bahimut, but most astonishingly it causes a silence to fall upon members of the male gender, and encourages their bodies to turn towards the source of its emanation, waist-first. Of this phenomenon most members of the female sex are aware from birth onwards; it is an inborn quality, it cannot and need not be taught.

This battle-cry coupled with Akantha’s Gift of making people feel welcome amounted to a devastating weapon. A stunned, silent stupidity blew across the third terrace; the encirclement was hit hardest - having received the full frontal force of the attack on account of blocking the way between Akantha and her target – and suffered the additional disadvantage of being caught unaware, which allowed Fang Caiaphas to sneak skilfully away. Of the invading fleet few masts remained upright/standing.

By the time the task force recovered Fang had crossed the barricade and was in safe harbours once more.

“Akantha – ” he began, but before he had time to fire one of his perfectly formed crooked smiles to disarm his saviours (Gratitude is an undersubscribed course in the school of seduction) Akantha interrupted him:

“I believe you have met Khalid – didn’t you used to go to Temple together as children?” Before either had a chance to respond Akantha placed her free hand on Faivis’s wrist, with the other one still resting on Khalid, whose right arm had not had an opportunity to dislodge itself from Déárán’s shoulder, so that she stood poised between the two, as if by force of muscle she would bring these two continents together should they refuse to be bridged. This she did with such an air of finality that not even Déárán objected. Everybody was going to have a good time, whether they could help it or not; and Akantha was not to be thwarted.


[...]
« Last Edit: 18 November 2009, 06:16:08 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged
"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #3 on: 27 June 2009, 16:04:59 »
[Place-holder for now]

PS: Feel free to reply now. I've reserved all the space I need to post the rest of the chapter :)
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #4 on: 27 June 2009, 16:19:47 »
Not... enough.... argh ;)
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"Lather...Rinse...Repeat"   Why has God made my life so complicated?

This is what I'm working on
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #5 on: 27 June 2009, 16:49:13 »
Haha - thanks Alt! Beginner writers like myself feed on flattery ;P
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #6 on: 27 June 2009, 16:57:00 »
Oh, btw, I wonder if Judith can spot the poem that's being referred to? I think she quoted it to me once, around the time I first came to Santharia ;)

Btw, I always include these references to literature for a reason. Usually they offer an insight into what is really going or what is to come, that would not otherwise be apparent for several more chapters to come. A primitive form of foreshadowing I guess. I hope it doesn't come across as toffee-nosed? (which is something I REALLY hate - as might be gleaned from all those asides aimed at such members of the human race that can be found in the text)
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #7 on: 28 June 2009, 05:19:46 »
Hello again! Added a few more paragraphs :) The story – or shall I say the characters? - is more or less writing itself, and has consequently taken an unanticipated turn so I am as much in the dark as you are as to how it will turn out!

The text is still a bit rough (well... to put it less diplomatically, it is a first draft through and through) so if you see anything that should be changed, let me know! More to come tomorrow  number1
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #8 on: 28 June 2009, 07:38:17 »
Is there any reason you name him Caiaphas? Does his name hint for a future development?   pet

Quote
The female voice, especially in the context of a social gathering, is a strange battle-cry. It overpowers the commotion of a hundred children, cuts through the mating cries of more than half a dozen Bahimut, but most astonishingly it causes a silence to fall upon members of the male gender, and encourages their bodies to turn towards the source of its emanation, waist-first. Of this phenomenon most members of the female sex are aware from birth onwards; it is an inborn quality, it cannot and need not be taught.

Coren, at your age you should not be able to write such paragraphs!!!  ;)
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #9 on: 28 June 2009, 11:44:06 »
Heh... I C&P the whole thing here, but as I read, I never really found too much to critique.  Perhaps one or two run on sentences, but your word usage is so nice that I'm not sure if they need to be broken up. :D
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"Lather...Rinse...Repeat"   Why has God made my life so complicated?

This is what I'm working on
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #10 on: 28 June 2009, 14:06:28 »
Thank you both! What a nice way to begin a new day!

@ Talia: Drat! This time it was unintentional. Until you mentioned it, I had not realised that Caiaphas was the name of the High Priest presiding over (or did he just instigate it?) Jesus's crucifixion. Darn! I might have to change the name. I really liked the sound and rhythm of that name! (PS: I pronounce it with four syllables, whereas the Biblical one is apparently pronounced KAY-a-fas. I guess the original Hebrew would be... erhm.. ::surreptitiously opens up a small google window:: Kayafa?) Hmm...

Heh, so you like that paragraph, eh? I also like the last one - and a few of the ones in between ;)
« Last Edit: 28 June 2009, 14:09:47 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged
"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #11 on: 02 July 2009, 14:33:58 »
I have figured it out, why I like this story. :D  I went back and looked at War and Peace (my fave novel) and realized that your style and first scenes, remind me of Tolstoy's first scenes of War and Peace, at the party of Anna Pavlovna.

Very well done.
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"Lather...Rinse...Repeat"   Why has God made my life so complicated?

This is what I'm working on
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« Reply #12 on: 02 July 2009, 19:56:28 »
Kaiahphus?   Or Kaiaphas?    Or Chaiaphus / Chaiafeas?

Pronounced 'Kah - I - ah - FUSS'?

Of COURSE, Alt, you brilliant man!  Dickens and Tolstoy make a marvelous combination, don't they? 
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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #13 on: 03 July 2009, 00:27:47 »
Actually, I've never read Tolstoy - neither Anna Karenina nor War and Peace. :embarrased:

I have been made to read most of Dostoevsky though - does that count?

But thanks for the compliment ;)


Btw, Dear Bard, have you figured out the poetic reference?
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Bard Judith
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« Reply #14 on: 03 July 2009, 01:48:05 »
No, but in my defence, I'm still extremely jetlagged.   Also, at my age, the memory starts to go, doncha know...   A hint, kind sir?
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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
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