* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: 1 [2]
Print
Author Topic: Jhehellrhim Crossbow  (Read 10315 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #15 on: 07 November 2010, 03:32:27 »

bumping this for attention.  I would like to see this completed for the next update.  I will give it a once over myself when I have a bit of time .
Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Agran Velion
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 17
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 248



View Profile
« Reply #16 on: 07 November 2010, 10:31:21 »

I'll see what I can do Seeker, forgive me, alot of my time is now consumed with Nanowrimo. The crossbow has not escaped my attention however, it is still on my to-do list.
Logged

"Vhodka is wonderful..."-Agran Velion
Agran Velion
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 17
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 248



View Profile
« Reply #17 on: 28 November 2010, 03:04:23 »

FINALLY! It is updated!
Logged

"Vhodka is wonderful..."-Agran Velion
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #18 on: 02 December 2010, 10:48:25 »

A couple minor grammar points:

Quote
It is considered a great honour and privilege for an hunter
  should be "a hunter"

Quote
The Jhehellrhim Crossbow is mainly to use hunt dangerous game.
Sentence is constructed strangely.


So I am about ready to blarrow this one.  Any last comments before I do?
Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Cruciform
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 18
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 290


a cruciform kaleidoscope


View Profile
« Reply #19 on: 02 December 2010, 13:04:31 »

You did the right thing by not using the colour red. :) Now I crucify your entry with suggestions, grammar, punctuation, et cetera.

Name- The Jhehellrhim Crossbow

Description-The Jhehellrhim Crossbow is a sacred crossbow to the Jhehellrhim Elves. They crossbows (this is too close to the way the first sentence started, so it's a bit repetitive) are approximately a ped long, larger than the average crossbow. They appear much like the heavy crossbows used by numerous soldiers stationed in fortresses and castles, but its makeup is different than the normal crossbows. (I have problems with the way you used "appear" and "makeup" here. For "makeup", I suggest replacing it with "build". For the "appear", I suggest removing the "appear" altogether and replace it with, "They're much like") The bow piece of the crossbow, the prod, appears (this has the same problem as above. This use of "appear" is usually used as the opposite of "disappear". Like fading into view. "looks like" is simpler, but probably ultimately less odd) like a standard recurve bow, but it is made like the composite bow. It is made up of several layers of horn, wood, and sinew kept together by glue made from a variety of substances, namely, animal fat and sap.

(The following part here is the same as the bit before it. This following bit is better)

The prod of the crossbow is made of several materials glued together via a special mixture of sap and animal fat. The materials include horn and sinew from the wild game that is hunted by the elves, and, (no comma) yew taken form (from) older trees of the forest. The exact production of the prod is uncertain, as the Jhehellrhim Elves have guarded their knowledge well, and the compendiumist has no wish to anger the tribe.  However, we can guess the obvious, ; (a semi-colon would be slightly better here considering the build of the sentence following) the prod is held tightly together by the glue formed from the fat and sap, which is a clever idea, considering the abundance of these materials in the Istarin Forest.

The bowstring is of a curious make, called a reverse-twisted string it is called. Several strings strands are each twisted independently in one direction, but are than (then) placed in a bundle, and twisted in the opposite direction, creating a reverse twist, hence the name. The reverse-twisted string is held to the crossbow by a thick knot at each end of the string, which keeps it secure, and in no danger of coming loose from the crossbow. The bowstring is made of natural materials gathered from the forest, ; hemp and linen are both favourites of the Jhehellrhim Elves for construction of the bow string.

The stock of the crossbow is made of carefully carved wood from an Urban Tree growing in the forest. The back of the crossbow is specially aligned to the owner
, so it can fit perfectly to his or her shoulder. The trigger is a simple lever that, when pressed, lowers the nut of the crossbow and releases the string, propelling the bolt out (unnecessary). The bolt itself is a little less than a fore, and is made of oak gathered in the Istarin Forest. The head is made of steel and is shaped like the standard arrowhead, with one exception, at the bottom of the bolthead on both sides, instead of the steel ending in points, the metal bends slight to make a hook like area. This is made so that if shot at a target and they attempted to remove it, the hooks would catch onto the insides of the body and drag them out as well. (That... that's kinda brutal... I like it)


Usage
The Jhehellrhim Crossbow is used solely by the Jhehellrhim Elves. It is considered a great honour and privilege for an hunter to be given a Jhehellrhim Crossbow because of the time it takes to create. The weapon is only given to a handful of great hunters and warriors who have proven themselves to be a great asset to the tribe. It is unheard of for a non-Jhehellrhim to use the crossbow even in the most dire circumstance, including life or death. When a hunter is bestowed with a crossbow, a celebration is called for in his honour. To have If a hunter in your immediate family is given a Jhehellrhim Crossbow in your immediate family is a mark of honour not only for him or her, but also to for you.

The Jhehellrhim Crossbow is mainly used to use hunt dangerous game. The crossbow packs a bigger punch, and this makes it an excellent weapon when going against large and hazardous animals like bear and boar (If a hunter is on their own, this makes sense for boar, but usually boar are hunted with spears. The spear is set on the ground and held so that when the boar charges out of the undergrowth, it runs onto a spear. Bows are usually used as a second resort. In the case of modern hunting, they're hunted with dogs and a hunter can just walk up with their knife and slice the beast's throat. I know a guy who hunts for a living and he's told me all about it. Rifles are used for long distance, but, as I said, spear is the primary way to hunt boar). As only experienced hunters receive this particular crossbow, one of the ways to gain respect and be considered an applicant for one, many young hunters will go solo against a wild beast to prove their worth. (This sentence is a little oddly constructed. Perhaps, "As only experienced hunters can receive one of these crossbows, young hunters will hunt a wild beast on their own to prove their worth and gain respect enough to be considered an applicant for one.") If successful this will gain much renown amongst their tribe, but such an act is not officially sanctioned because for every victor in this action, there are a dozen losers, some, (no comma) with injuries that are far too difficult to heal.


Fighting Style-The Jhehellrhim Crossbow works much the same as a regular crossbow. The string is placed back behind the nut, and a bolt is place in the small groove along the stock. The back of the stock is placed against the shoulder, the crossbowman takes aim, and presses the trigger. The trigger is a lever at the bottom of the stock that lowers the nut and releases the bowstring. The string snaps forward and propels the bolt out exactly like a normal bow, but this bolt is carrying far more force than a normal arrow, and will pack a far bigger punch.

Reloading is a slow process, as it is for all crossbows. The expert hunters that wield these crossbows will often hunt with an aide, perhaps an apprentice or family member, who will carry a second crossbow for the hunter to use. Once the hunter fires his main crossbow, he will hand it to the aid to reload it, and the aide will reload the first crossbow. This practice helps reduce the time between shots. Since this crossbow is even stronger than others, one cannot string it simply by pulling back the bowstring. The crossbowman carries a tool to help him reload, made up of two hooks, strings, and a crank. The hooks are placed on the bowstring, on each side of the plank, the crank is held onto the crossbow and is turned, the hooks pull up the bowstring and the crossbowman places it behind the nut. A bolt is placed in the grooves along the plank when/if? the crossbow is ready to fire again.

Origin/History

The exact inventor of the Jhehellrhim Crossbow is unknown, but it is believed by many that it was not a single man, but rather a group of Jhehellrhim Elves who spent most of their lives on trying to create a new crossbow. When the use of the original crossbow became widespread, the Jhehellrhim needed a weapon and hunting tool specifically for their best hunters, . aAn unknown elf, or elves went to work, and shortly after the Third Sarvonian War, the Jhehellrhim Crossbow emerged as one of the Jhehellrhim’s most sacred weapons. Despite its age, the weapon is still only used by the Jhehellrhim, and it is highly doubtful that the weapon will ever become as widespread as the original crossbow.


Not much to pick at here.
Logged

:: cruciform kaleidoscope (Dev. Schedule) ::
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #20 on: 10 December 2010, 04:50:54 »

Can you take a look at Cruci's corrections, Agran, and implement them if possible? I guess there aren't really dramatic changes made here, just improvements of the text structure, so if you can do the final adjustments soon I'll get the entry up this update!
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Agran Velion
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 17
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 248



View Profile
« Reply #21 on: 10 December 2010, 09:00:21 »

Right, my bad. Now I'll get to it as soon as I can.
Logged

"Vhodka is wonderful..."-Agran Velion
Agran Velion
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 17
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 248



View Profile
« Reply #22 on: 11 December 2010, 07:18:33 »

Edited for Cruci's comments.
Logged

"Vhodka is wonderful..."-Agran Velion
Seeker
Moderator
****

Gained Aura: 465
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.934


Fire Mage


View Profile
« Reply #23 on: 15 December 2010, 11:53:29 »

Blarrowed !

Art I will prepare this entry.


OK Done now! I sent it to you.
« Last Edit: 15 December 2010, 12:25:19 by Seeker » Logged

Every entry deserves a picture.   -Seeker
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #24 on: 15 December 2010, 18:50:50 »

What I still miss at this one is the Overview part, Agran, summarizing the key things of the entry! Can you get to that?
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Agran Velion
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 17
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 248



View Profile
« Reply #25 on: 17 December 2010, 08:32:12 »

Added overview.
Logged

"Vhodka is wonderful..."-Agran Velion
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #26 on: 17 December 2010, 15:36:02 »

Ok, thanks!  thumbup
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Pages: 1 [2]
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest: lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144586
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 17
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 26
Total: 26

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx