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Author Topic: The Forest of Ronoth  (Read 17576 times)
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Perabium Pelatorium
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« Reply #30 on: 03 October 2010, 01:35:59 »

Thank you again for your help.... ;)
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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #31 on: 03 October 2010, 22:43:12 »

Welcome to your very first Uri-check Mr. Perab! I'm going to mark any suggestions i might have in this lovely green colour all along your entry, while direct changes i make will be in red,to make it easy for you to see what i'm talking about.


The Glade of Ronoth


Overview:

The Glade of Ronoth is a dark grove? glades don't 'grow', since they are mostly grass and stuff. growing on removed 'a' wet swamp ground. In times past, many people lost their life in the swamp while crossing the water, now the roots of the trees are keeping their historykeeping their history?comma making them graves and giving them peace. But many souls cannot find their peace and they are wandering among the trees waiting for the living who dare cross the glade. Aside from the dead and the undead in the gladecomma many beasts swim in the densely what do you mean to say here? water and attack everything that moves does that include the undead and the other beasts?. Around the glade the fog is showing the path to illusion to what illusion, exactly? and leading the ignorant deeper and deeper in the gladepreviously, you said the path goes -around- the glade. no 'and' where they disappear forever.

Description:

The glade was never completely (or fully) explored, but(?) explorers have divided the glade into three Please write small numbers (under, say, twenty) in words. parts. The first part is the well explored and less dangerous part You use the word 'part' a lot in this section. Try substituting it with area, section, etc. called "Outer Circle"I wonder, is this realy a circle? In the sense that the relatively safe region completely surounds the more dangerous ones? Or does the danger only grow the further you move into the forest of Cartash?. In the "Outer Circle" the fog is less dense, and no undead have been seen in this partpart, again!. The trees have a dark green color and a wide tree top with many  leaves.There is practical no light, because the sun light cannot pass through the great mass of  leaves this definately disqualifies this region as a glade, since a glade is by its nature not densely grown with trees.. The second part is the half explored and very dangerous part called the "Inner Circle". The "Inner Circle" has a very dense fog which makes it impossible to cross the glade completelyis there a real reason people would want to cross it in the first place, rather than just walking around it?. Many undead creatures and beasts have been seen in this part part, part, lets part with part, shall we? and only those who really need to cross the glade are going in there See also my previous question.. The last part is the "Death Core" It might be me, but i'm not terribly exited about the names for your zones. Inner/Outer Circle, Death Core.. There's no real reason you should change them, but i feel like there are much more exiting and imaginative names to be found. and it is the only part which is completely undiscovered. The last four explorers which went into the territory of the "Death Core" never returned. In the glade are growing many plants which are useful for the creation of potions Whose potions? And what kind of potions?. Also many crystals and stones can be found there.stones, and especially crystals are not commonly associated with swampland ;) they do tend to sink.

Medriatean Cave

The Medriatean Cave A cave, in swampland? You'd think it would fill up with water. is located in the south of the "Outer Circle". Early the cave was used as a shelter (unless you were preparing to eat them... hmmmm, salted people...) for people who crossed the swamp. After the in Medriatean Cave the people found Geode Minerals deep in the cave on the hard stones of Medriatean Cave. The cave wall is created of a a mixture of stone and metals, which is making the mining harderNot really. Metal ores are often fairly brittle stones, comparatively speaking.. Also the caves' structure has weakened since the roots of the glade are digging trough the weaker parts of the cave wall. The cave isn't very dark, many energy waves which are placed in the cave, are creating light, The energy waves are dangerous for creatures which are crossing the cave, making them paralyzed for a long time, also the waves are melting the inner organs.You need to explain where these waves comes from, and what they do. No unexplained mysterious energies and such, please.

Living Hall

The Living Hall is located in the northeast of the "Outer Circle" deeper on the border of the "Inner Circle" , it's the only territory which is dry, where is no fog and which has real living flowers and grass on the ground. In this territory many rare plants and herbs can be found. The Living Hall is a real wonder of nature and has posed many questions for its explorers, as the plants here are growing without sunlight and water. It is very hard to reach the Living Hall, the only way which leads to the hall is the way trough the "Inner Circle".Again, why not just walk around?

Green Graveyard:

The Green Graveyard is a very terrible place. It's located on the southeast of the "Inner Circle". The Green Graveyard is the place where the remains of the death are tethered to the trees. They are keeping the history of the dead, showing the history i understand that english is not your first language, but try to use synonyms rather than repeating words within a few lines of one another. of the people who crossed the swamp. Many explorers and adventurers had visions there and saw the mistakes that the death have done in their life Any theories on where the visions come from?. The people who made it back out alive from the graveyard changed their life for the better. But rarely one comes back without harm, many of those who enter got sick or lose their mind.

Ruins of Ronothey:

The Ruins of Ronothey who or what is/was ronothey? are located on the south border of the "Death Core". The ruins were built long before the glade started to grow. The ruins now mark the entrance to the "Death Core". The name of the ruins comes from a stone plate which was found on the wall of a building, written in  
Styrásh. The no 'building' architecture is also like present-day Elven architecture. The place is quiet, devoid of sounds Sorry, that was me wanting to be a bit fancy ;), except for the sounds of water. Near the ruins no life is found (no comma) nor undeadcomma just the old trees. To the west there lie a similar ruin, a ruin of a dock which has a bind This can be interpreted in various ways, so i cant fix it. Do you mean its related, or that there is an actual connecting path or such? to the ruins of Ronothey...
Alsocomma many wooden remains were found deeper in the water. Explorers found out that this materials are remains of old "swimming" gates and walls, which construction is similar to the construction of city gates If this is in such a dangerous region, how come we know these details? Finding old ruins is one thing, examining the bottom of the nearby swamp to this level of detain is quite another.. The ruins are "swimming on the deep water, in this part the water is deeper as somewhere else in Ronoth. I suspect that the two instances of "swimming" should be replaced by 'floating'?

Letarmus

Letarmus is a camp at the entrance of Ronoth. It was built by the explorers at the beginning of the exploration and today people are staying there for weeks. It's also used as a trading post.Whom is exploring this place, and why? Where did the name of the camp come from? On which side of the swamp is this camp? With whom are people trading here?

Order of Ran'Sola

The order of Ran'Sola was written by "The people living in the east, dying in the west." This quote is carved on the Order of Ran'Sola which is placed on the tree located directly in the south of the "Inner Circle".
It's telling something about the history of Ronoth but many details are damaged and no more visible (more details Myth/Lore). The order is the only written document found in the glade, except for the stone bearing the name. Everything that the people know about Ronoth is the curse of the deathWhat curse?. The Order of Ran'Sola has much information which is writen in puzzles. Even now the explorers try to solve the puzzles, but at the moment, it is a complete mystery. I think the word 'order' is wrong here, but i'm not exactly certain on what you meanth with it, so i cannot replace it.

The Drygroud

The Dryground is located in the west of the "Outer Circle". It is the entrance to the glade. The Dryground is a huge dry area, which is covered with grass previously, you claimed that the Living Room was the only dry part.. Further to the east lies a small dock. The dock lies in ruins, but it has the same architecture as the "Ruins of Ronothey". Earlier, the water level in the swamp was higher, and thus the people needed to cross the water by boats. The dock is called "Cabaneri Iniari", the name was found on a wooden table in a small building.
Explorers also found a old map which contains planned routes. Unfortunately the map isn't much of use since the glade changed (falling of the water level, the growing of new trees, etc.). The dock has many buildings which are of use today. The explorers are keeping their goods, documents and equipment there since they built a small research post. The map that the explorers found shows that the route is leading to the "Death Core", on the map are no signs, just a line which shows several points: point "1" ( Cabaneri Iniari ), point "2" ( Medriatean Cave ), point "3" ( Order of Ran'Sola ), point "4" ( The Ruins of Ronothey ).
This days the greatest secret of Ronoth is the question:
"What was or is in the center of Ronoth?"
Some say just nothing, because many people disappeared in the fog (mist) and never returned.If there's nothing, why wouldn't they return?

Gate of Solei

In the east part of Ronoth, there lies a gate. The gate is known as Gate of Solei. No information was found about the gate just the inscription "Gate of Solei" and a small puzzle like the puzzle of Ran'Sola.

Here starts the journey of the sun
Count your steps one by one
Twelve  you must count at the order
Or the time will set it's border
Twenty four you must reach
The right word the order will teach
You will cross the glade the whole day
Just follow the sun's way

The gate is mysterious Very awkwardly worded. I'd just remove it altogether.. On the gate there is a big symbol of the sun, explorers believe that the symbol has something with this puzzle. Another word that could use some synonyms; explorers (and seriously, if they don't get that this riddle is about the sun, they need to get fired.(and their funds redirected to Nybelmar ;)))

Gate of Lunai

A second gate was found on the west of the glade called "Gate of Lunai", there is also a inscription with a puzzle.

You have passed the way
The right way you just have to say
Then you will see the secret of the night
Your path is the light
The death will show you the way
The right word you just have to say
The center you will find
This time you will be blind
But you won't lose your eyes light
You will just know the secrets of the night

On the gate is a big symbol of the moon. Neither on the "Gate of Solei" or the "Gate of Lunai" have anything that is a reason that the gates stay on this position You mean you'd expect them to move around?. This thing confuses the explorers It even confused me! and many unanswered questions are there.

Location
The Glade of Ronoth is located in North Sarvonia, removed in the north part of Cartash Forest which lies on the Peninsula of Caaehl'heroth. You might want to mention a few more landmarks, if possible, such as the Mists.

Flora
The only tree that grows in Ronoth is the Carabery tree, many plants and weed you can find in RonothWell, then it's not wuite the only tree in the area, is it? Also, i advise against making places with only one kind of tree/bird/beast/harpsichord., but the main plant is and will be the Carabery tree is it a forest? is it a swamp? it goes back and forth in your descriptions. If you want open water, you cannot have it all covered by foliage.. The Carabery tree gives a perfect shadow layer over Ronoth where the undead have free move the whole day.Not bothering with correcting this. The important question is; why would the undead need it to be dark-ish in order to move around?

Fauna
Ronotheyan Dragonflies, Rallabs and Grass snakes are common inhabitants of the glade. They have designed a simple system of housing:

The Rallabs are mostly everywhere in the glade. The Ronotheyan Dragonfly is the main resident of the Inner Circle and the Grass snake is on the Dryground. mix and match! research the region's flora and fauna in the compendium, and don't divide the beasts up like this. Animals will spread as far as they can!

Myth/Lore

Ronoth

The glade grow on removed swamp ground which was the graveyard of many poor souls which were crossing the swampwhy, oh why were they crossing the bloody swamp? i know i wouldn't..... The souls created themselves graves of trees which tied the rests of the dead on them to keep their historyto do what, exactly? and give them peace. But many souls are restless and removed are moving trough the fog of the glade.

Minea's Heart

Once a young girl called Minea was fleeing from the hungry creatures in Ronoth. Her heart was clean and full of love. She was lost in the glade, and she tried to escape, but the fog lead her deeper and deeper into the glade. She crossed the wood wood?  for, in, depending on what you're saying. seven days, yet she had nothing to eat and nothing to drink. On the eight day she died in the northeastern part of the glade. The legend says that the souls which found peace were so impressed by her clean heart that they created a small area with life within, the area that is known as the Living Hall. Still the remains of Minea can be found in the middle of the Living Hall. Where does this story come from?

Text of the Order of Ran'Sola

 
To the people who are crossing the glade the whole day
you will reach your goal following the sun's way
The path without light you must find
trust me you won't be blind
The Dead will show you the way
the right word you just have to say
The Ignorant will follow the lie
soon or later they will die.
The Silent will start to scream
the Realist will learn to dream
In front of you is the Hopeless way
Just be careful and you won't pay


                                                                                                                            Order of Ran'Sola, Paragraph II

Baltrameo's Theory

Baltromeo was one of the first explorers who had enough courage to explore the deepest part of the "Inner Circle". He combined the map which was found in the dock Cabaneri Iniari and the remains of materials which were found near the ruins and made his own theory which says that in the "Death Core" lies a ruined city. Many people believe this theory, a such small dock is used for small relations, so there must be a bigger station.

Rose of the Black Phoenix

A very common decoration of the ruins of Ronoth is the so-called Rose of the Black Phoenix. Legends told of a creature with black burning feathers which crated a image of a rose, the old Ronotheyan residents used the image to decorate their buildings. On the dock of Cabaneri Iniari and the Ronotheyan Ruins, many of this decorations were found, showing the people the beauty of death. Again, who tells these stories?
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Perabium Pelatorium
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« Reply #32 on: 03 October 2010, 23:42:38 »

First I must tell you your questions have almost killed me, but ok.(Man you can ask very hard questions, but I will answer one by one.

First:
Quote
grove?

I say why not...

Second:
Quote
keeping their history?

Yes the trees are keeping they history, their remains, their life...

Third:
Quote
what do you mean to say here?

I mean the creatures, like my Rallab are swimming in the water

Fourth:
Quote
does that include the undead and the other beasts?

both

Fifth:
Quote
to what illusion, exactly?

The fog shows Illusions to the people who are greedy getting them to follow their "dream" which they see in the fog, I forgot to write that.

Sixth:
Quote
wonder, is this really a circle?

A circle in this case is called a area which around an other area.

Seventh:
Quote
In the sense that the relatively safe region completely surounds the more dangerous ones?

Before I can answer you on this question I must know what this question means...

Eight:
Quote
is there a real reason people would want to cross it in the first place, rather than just walking around it?

This route is used only if someone really needs to cross the grove-glade-forest-jungle

Ninth:
Quote
Whose potions?

you are here the expert, you should be able to give me a answer...

Tenth:
Quote
A cave, in swampland? You'd think it would fill up with water

The Medriatean cave is on a higher stone position since the water in Ronoth went down...

Eleventh:
Quote
Again, why not just walk around?

Because, the swamp ground started to grow, many trees are blocking some routes. The water also went down in some areas, so the walking around you can forget...

Twelfth:
Quote
Any theories on where the visions come from?


The trees are keeping the history of the dead, the visions come from them...

Thirteenth:
Quote
who or what is/was ronothey?

The ruins there, and inhabitants of Ronoth are called Ronotheyan...

Fourteenth:
Quote
This can be interpreted in various ways, so i cant fix it. Do you mean its related, or that there is an actual connecting path or such?

I mean related, yes

Fifteenth:
Quote
If this is in such a dangerous region, how come we know these details? Finding old ruins is one thing, examining the bottom of the nearby swamp to this level of detain is quite another.

I said that the forest isn't completely explored, but some details can be found in the Inner Circle, with a little bit luck, a small army of warriors and casters( who can also be explorers) it's a easy way do defend yourself in this region.

Sixteenth:
Quote
I suspect that the two instances of "swimming" should be replaced by 'floating'?

yes.

Seventeenth:
Quote
Whom is exploring this place, and why? Where did the name of the camp come from? On which side of the swamp is this camp? With whom are people trading here?

first: People like to research, this is our nature. Unexplored and mysterious places make us "curiosity",
second: I want to place it on the east side, I just forgot that.
third: the name comes from my head. What is the reason that Europe is called Europe?
fourth: the people are trading with travelers and adventures...

Eighteenth:
Quote
What curse?

View overview

Nineteenth:
Quote
I think the word 'order' is wrong here, but i'm not exactly certain on what you meanth with it, so i cannot replace it.

Order, well everything has a order, a law, so the people who lived in the glade have a order, a little bit complicated order.

Twentieth:
Quote
If there's nothing, why wouldn't they return?


If they say nothing, then they mean just nothing, no glade, no forest, no ground, a big hole which has no end, just nothing.

Twenty First:
Quote
You mean you'd expect them to move around?

It's a puzzle, you'll have to find that answer yourself.

Twenty Second:
Quote
is it a forest? is it a swamp?

It's both

Twenty Third:
Quote
why would the undead need it to be dark-ish in order to move around?
Well I supposed that, but ok.

Twenty Fourth:
Quote
why, oh why were they crossing the bloody swamp?


Why do I answer this questions?

Twenty Fifth:
Quote
wood?

Aaaah? This was a writing fail... buck

Twenty Sixth:
Quote
Where does this story come from?

Well from my head, but you are right I should write that...

Quote
On the dock of Cabaneri Iniari

The dock is called Cabaneri Iniari, it is not a dock in that named region.
Soooooooo, don't take my answering as angry writing ok....
« Last Edit: 04 October 2010, 00:21:58 by Perab » Logged


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Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #33 on: 04 October 2010, 01:00:55 »

While i am gratefull for having them all spelled out like this (dear lord, i wrote a LOT of stuff for you to deal with, didn't i?) the point of the excercise was to point out places where you ought to add extra information to clarify things.

(And of course i ask hard questions.. this wouldn't be nearly as fun if they were easy ones, now would it?)

onwards to the questions for the answers to the questions!

Third:
Quote
what do you mean to say here?

I mean the creatures, like my Rallab are swimming in the water
I meanth what the word 'densely' was indicating, i couldn't figure it out really.

Quote
Fourth:
Quote
does that include the undead and the other beasts?

both
This implies that the beasts and undead are fighting one another and their neighbours as well. That's okay, but you'll need to be consistant about it in future entries.

Quote
Ninth:
Quote
Whose potions?

you are here the expert, you should be able to give me a answer...
Ooooh no, we're not playing it like that. It's your entry, which means YOU get to do all the research on how it interacts with what has already been written. I assume you have been reading as much as you can find about the Caehl'heroth peninsula?

Quote
Fifteenth:
Quote
If this is in such a dangerous region, how come we know these details? Finding old ruins is one thing, examining the bottom of the nearby swamp to this level of detain is quite another.

I said that the forest isn't completely explored, but some details can be found in the Inner Circle, with a little bit luck, a small army of warriors and casters( who can also be explorers) it's a easy way do defend yourself in this region.
I doubt anyone would bother to send a small army into a danger zone like that just to sift through the water.. Also, magic users are quite rare, and you've still not mentioned which tribe(s) live in or near this place, an essential part of a place entry!

Quote
Seventeenth:
Quote
Whom is exploring this place, and why? Where did the name of the camp come from? On which side of the swamp is this camp? With whom are people trading here?

first: People like to research, this is our nature. Unexplored and mysterious places make us "curiosity",
second: I want to place it on the east side, I just forgot that.
third: the name comes from my head. What is the reason that Europe is called Europe?
fourth: the people are trading with travelers and adventures...
Maybe so, but only if it is feasible. Mideval researchers stayed relatively close to home, and they most certainly did not have the means to launch a mission into lethal death traps (such as the Mists of Osthemangar) Azhira, what's your opinion here?
Oh, and Europa was a phoenecian princess from greek mythology, the continent is named after her :) Names don't just appear, they always have a meaning. to the fourth; i doubt there are many travellers in that part of the world, and adventurers.. well, this isn't a DnD campaign you know ;)

Quote
Twenty First:
Quote
You mean you'd expect them to move around?

It's a puzzle, you'll have to find that answer yourself.
Remember that you are writing this as if you are one of the researchers working there. That means you know everything that they do; if the gates move, you mention it in the entry, if they do not... erh, then the paragraph becomes rather pointless :P. All the mysteries need to be clarified as such; what is happening, why do we think it is happening, etc. (Note that our theories can be completely wrong, and that "we don't know" is a good answer in itself.)


And i promise not to take your answers as angry writing, if you promise not to take my continuing questions as me trying to work against you ;)

Oh, and have an aura point for being a good sport even after i tore through your entry like that! +1!
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« Reply #34 on: 04 October 2010, 01:25:41 »

Thank you very much for the aura.And thank you for your understanding.
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« Reply #35 on: 04 October 2010, 05:35:06 »

Quote
Quote
who or what is/was ronothey?
The ruins there, and inhabitants of Ronoth are called Ronotheyan...

Just so we can be incredibly clear here! The area you are develping in has quite a rich (if not exceptionally well organized) history that you will have to integrate your entry into and not the other way around. Also note the ban on new races and tribes. Your Ronotheyan people will likely have to conform to one of the existing groups.

Miraran is also right in suggesting that you do research. It's usually not a bad idea to consult the locals (in this case that would likely mean Azhira) but they will not do your work for you.
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« Reply #36 on: 04 October 2010, 05:54:30 »

I understand that
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« Reply #37 on: 04 October 2010, 07:35:55 »

I know this may seem overwhelming, Perab. The key to being a good entry writer is to take your time and think about the comments you have been given. Your first entry won't be perfect and you may not agree with every comment people give you and that is ok. If there is anything you don't understand, please ask. We all want you to succeed!  thumbup
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« Reply #38 on: 04 October 2010, 09:12:42 »

I am giving Mira a Aura + point for taking so much time to help Perab. 

Perab, just a word of encouragement.  Usually we don't suggest that a newbie do a places entry for their very first entry because the newbie usually gets very frustrated with all the comments and gives up.  Places entries can be very complex.  We do not want that to happen to you.  This Grove of Ronoth is a lot of fun so just keep up the good work and learn from all the comments. 

I guarantee you that you will get more comments, so don't expect this to go quickly.  Take care of all Mira's comments and we will take this one step at a time.  In the meantime I hope you are reading a lot about the area and the animals and plants that may belong there as well.

By the way you are doing good with your English.  thumbup  I can't imagine doing this in a second or third language like many of you do.
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« Reply #39 on: 04 October 2010, 14:44:11 »

Thank you for your encourage, I never wanted to give up, my entry will be fixed and  finished. I'll research about North Sarvonia. Valan, your comment early I didn't understand really. You want to say that I shall make the Ronotheyan as a new tribe? 
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« Reply #40 on: 04 October 2010, 16:47:13 »

Probably not, I think Valan meant, that you need to find out which people (elves??) live there and maybe your Ronotheyan can be a subtribe, or you need to rename them.

It's difficult to comment on your submission without having read all the comments you got already.

Could you add the missing parts of your entry like location and people? Then it would be easier.
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« Reply #41 on: 04 October 2010, 17:07:42 »

Well, I will first fix the mistakes and fill out what I need, then I will take for the people there. This Forest which I am describing is a product of me when I was 8. Well during the years I have added something, like the explorers and the researchers and the ruins. But the point is, when I was small I invented a whole world, similar like Caelereth...

I have called the world Kazam, I have made a religion, an alphabet ( symbols, letters), I have tried to make a language. ( the Kazamish doesn't work really, but I have some words...   
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« Reply #42 on: 04 October 2010, 17:17:12 »

I did not say, you should develop any people now (beware!) , but a place's entry needs a paragraph about location and one about the tribe which lives there (if there is one). I am asking you to fill in the template which Caelerethian tribe lives there! To say it a bit rude.. newbies are not allowed to do new tribes, so to which one belong your people??  ;)
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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« Reply #43 on: 04 October 2010, 17:21:23 »

Do me a favor? The next three days I will research as much as I can about Caelereth...

I want to find a better location for Ronoth. I want to thank you for your help. But my forest must be just a forest, the last night I was dreaming about the day I was inventing the forest, Why I have done it?

Because me and my friend were playing behind my house, there is practically a forest, I had the Idea to call it Ronoth and make it growing on a swamp ground. This day Ronoth was born as a Forest, not a part of a Forest, not a glade or grove.
I will respect your comments, even if they are against my idea. It takes much strength to say your mind against someone.

I want my Forest be a Forest. So I will do as much as I can to realize my dream. If someone is interested in my world Kazam, you can freely ask.
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Let the shadows follow your path, they may be your ally in hard times
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« Reply #44 on: 04 October 2010, 18:24:41 »

I have a few location suggestions, write me comments if you don't like this idea. But write why you don't like it, it is just a suggestion so don't be angry. I am sometimes a little bit stubborn, but sometimes this stubbornness gave me the ambition to complete what I have started. First:

http://www.santharia.com/maps/continents/sarvonia_north_3.htm

Northen Sarvonian, south of Chapel Fjord, west of Stralt of Isthrius. This is a good location for me because it will give a reason why people would cross my forest. Several small villages are around, people would cross the forest to get to the villages.

Second:

http://www.santharia.com/maps/continents/sarvonia_north_1.htm

South of the Plains of Rilla. A good location that is because it's somewhere in the edge. There would be a great place to put something that isn't completely explored, a small peace of history can be written under the plains of Rilla.

Third:

A last suggestion is  THE  CONTINENT OF   NYBELMAR, I think I know what you will say, but I will risk and go forward with my suggestion. The Nybelmar continent is very mysterious, a perfect place for a unexplored forest. In the central part are elves, so I can place it east of the Sharklon Zshararath:

http://www.santharia.com/maps/continents/nybelmar_ne.htm

So, I am awaiting your comments before I can start go further...
« Last Edit: 04 October 2010, 18:27:05 by Perab » Logged


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