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Author Topic: Gob-Ocs - The Goblins -revisited-  (Read 6095 times)
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Jonael Tomeskrift
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« Reply #15 on: 18 April 2012, 00:12:07 »

Anyway, please continue with this, Jonael! Looks like the entry was already started a year ago, so it's time that it takes shape in all sections ;) And I've already forgotten what you picked as your masterwork, but I guess this entry could do as well :D  thumbup Aura +1 from here!

Hey Arti, yup, sure has been a while. I'm glad that what's there comes across as believable and solid so far. The entry has changed a lot and taken new twists and turns as I develop it, so it is important to me that no one part feels alienated from the general picture the entry as a whole is trying to paint.

The goblins were in fact the Masterwork I chose. This entry represents the core and the summary of my efforts to convert these fellows into a self-sufficient race that has a role in the bigger picture of Santharia. I am hoping to have it and the consequent side entries form my masterwork as a collective, establishing the Gob-Oc as my specialisation ;) I'll keep at it, thanks for the encouraging words so far

Irid alMenie
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« Reply #16 on: 18 April 2012, 00:45:38 »

I like! :D

Two minor grammatical things: "unbeknownst" needs a specification who it was unbeknownst to (overview)


... there was another one but I can't find it anymore. If I come across it I will let you know ;)

Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus.
Irid al'Menie
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« Reply #17 on: 18 April 2012, 01:28:39 »

well, here's another one anyway  rolleyes

 A goblin stand at about 1.5 peds in height and has a naturally hunched, almost cowering composure. A gait instilled into their figures through centuries of living in the underground depths.

> stands, and the second sentence does not have a verb, this could be solved with an oxford comma I think?

Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus.
Irid al'Menie
Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr
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« Reply #18 on: 18 April 2012, 04:11:04 »

With a comma, certainly.

"I don't care what you did as a boy."
"Well, I did nothing as a girl, so there goes my childhood." - Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, The Gay Divorcee, 1934.
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