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Author Topic: The Tandala Depths WIP  (Read 12115 times)
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Jonael Tomeskrift
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« Reply #15 on: 30 June 2011, 07:00:30 »

Heya Art, so glad to hear you're intrigued by this area as well. It'll be a beautiful subterranean territory without the immediate context of dwarves forced upon it ^^

Aye, I've noted those two entries, as well as the Tandala Sheep, which will play in as foodstock, and some other minor entries which I felt should be referenced. All in all, this entry should bring together all those loose entries and create a magnificent space for those and other entries to play on.

Thanks for the +aura, I was actually worried this and the haelberd entries would wither away, but this renewed show of interest is rather encouraging, cheers
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Jonael Tomeskrift
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« Reply #16 on: 30 June 2011, 21:04:47 »

Having said that, the Mines of Ghun'gob are a horrendous entry to read through (no disrespect intended). There are an awful lot of grammar mistakes, and a lot of the text doesn't read smoothly. Could I offer a revamp of the text, keeping all of the details and phrases, but fixing up the grammar and lore a little by making it more tale-like rather than... well whatever it is right now ><

Also, it becomes quite clear that the entry was purely based on the Mines of Moria scene from LotR... while I don't mind the bulk of it, the 'undescribed menacing monster' which is clearly a balrog, just takes the whole thing too far. Maybe that'd be the only aspect of the entry I'd offer to change
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Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr
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« Reply #17 on: 30 June 2011, 21:24:19 »

That is very true, I'm afraid. A grammar/syntax reboot there would be very helpful, and a lessening of the Morian influence probably no small thing - especially the entries in diaries.

Ath
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #18 on: 01 July 2011, 03:05:28 »

If you'd like to fix/adjust this one slightly, go ahead, Jonael! No real harm done in making it read better and make it more original - plus maybe you get some references to consider for your Tandala Depths entry by going through it. I'm all for it!  thumbup
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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