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Pikel
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« on: 11 June 2011, 17:39:54 »

Monh-Rum - Amphibian


Overview
The reclusive Monh-Rum is a wholly remarkable amphibian. Living most of its life in the Gotgavnynn hot springs network of the Northern Sarvonian Iceland's Coast, the beast's rock-like skin and tremendous size make it a very dangerous predator. Luckily, the creature is incredibly rare and very seldom seen outside of the hot springs, and even more scarcely seen out of water.

Description
The Monh-Rum does not stand far from the ground, only measuring around a ped at its tallest. However, what the beast lacks in height it more than makes up for in length. The arctic amphibian measures about two and a half to three and a half peds from mouth to the tip of its tail. Almost half of this length is made up of the thick, strong tail itself. The beast's four weak limbs protrude from its thick body horizontally, as if they're more useful to keep the creature from rolling over than actually moving its massive girth. Each limb is very short and ends in four equally small digits. On land, these limbs seem only to play a minor role in the creature's locomotion, aiding its snake-like slither. In the water, however, they have been seen using their limbs often to help them propel. However due to their small size, it is hard to tell how much the small limbs actually help the beast's swimming.

The Monh-Rum's wide, flat head is shaped not unlike the head of a shovel and seems almost immediately connected to its body, with very little to no neck. Two small black eyes protrude from the the top of its skull. The creature's wide mouth is full of very small teeth. Despite their small size, the Monh-Rum's powerful jaws make good use of the sharp teeth. However, the first thing one notices when the creature's mouth opens is its wide blue tongue.

The tough skin of this gigantic salamander is somewhat of a mystery. Unlike most amphibians, which have smooth skin, the Monh-Rum's hide has much the same color and consistency of un-worked stone. Thus, a careless passersby might pass one sunning itself near a lake and never notice the beast. Its coloration varies little in hue, staying mostly solid throughout the creature's body. The beast is occasionally seen at the bottom of clear shallow lakes, using its hide as camouflage in an attempt to ambush would-be prey.

Special Abilities
The Monh-Rum's rock-like skin is very tough. Not quite as strong or dense as stone, many an Ice Tribesmen has found that piercing the beast's hide is a difficult task. This tough skin seems not only to protect the creature from the other inhabitants of the Icelands, but from the hot water from the Gotgavnynn network.

While usually incredibly passive whilst on land, the Monh-Rum has been known to chase attackers or would-be prey over very short distances. It is style of movement is more akin to a snake-like slither than an actual run, though it is aided by its short limbs. During this burst of movement, the beast can reach speeds matching that of a running human, though only for about a dash. Thus it pays to be wary around these seemingly rock-like predators.

The most dangerous ability of the Monh-Rum is its bite. Its saliva has a fast acting paralytic effect on the area which is bitten. Though this does not help the beast take down its smaller fish prey, it is tremendous help when attacking larger creatures or defending itself against a human or orc. Combined with its ability to move with short bursts of speed on land and its stone-like skin, the Monh-Rum's dangerous bite make the creature a hardy adversary.

Territory
The Monh-Rum makes its home primarily in the Icelands region of Northern Sarvonia, though have also been spotted south of the Gathorn mountain range. Though mostly seen on land, the creature is believed to spend most of its time in the water in the network of hot-springs that the Ice Tribes call the Gotgavnynn. Through this network of under-ground springs the Monh-Rum travel between various lakes and rivers. They have even been spotted in the summer sunning on ocean shores and islands. The large amounts of time spent in the hot-spring network or bathing in what sun there is seems to make due for the fact that most amphibians prefer a warmer climate.

Diet
An adult Monh-Rum's diet consists mostly of various fish, but they have been seen eating numerous small mammals, including the hrugchuck mouse, rheeah, pinnip seals and the young of various other mammals. Their strong jaws allow them to eat even the hard-shelled flyer crab. Though its not common, particularly large specimen have been known to feed on orcs and humans of the Ice Tribes. Monh-Rum in the earlier stages of their development seem to be completely herbivorous, consuming only the hardy moss found in Iceland lakes.

Behavior
The Monh-Rum's temperament and behavior seem to vary wildly depending on whether the beast is on land or in water. This probably has a lot to do with its vastly reduced mobility outside of an aquatic environment. For this reason, the Monh-Rum never strays more than a few peds from water. Only during the short summer does the Monh-Rum leave the confines of the water, though it is unclear as to why exactly the usually water-based creature does this.

As noted before, the Monh-Rum spends the vast majority of its time in the Gotgavnynn network of hot springs that spread throughout the Iceland's coast. Due to the nature of the underground network, this means that the beast is very rarely encountered and its habits are not often seen. However, it can be found in some of the few hot pools formed by the Gotgavnynn network that have tunnel entrances large enough to accommodate the sizable salamander. It is more commonly seen in the larger lakes and ocean. In these aquatic environments the Monh-Rum is very aggressive, attacking would-be prey with abandon. This includes any orcs or members of the Ice Tribes that may be in the water. For this reason, new hot pools are viewed warily until it is determined whether the entrance is large enough for the dangerous amphibian to get through.

On land the beast is very passive, lying very still for much of the time. It is so still, in fact, that its tough skin makes it seem more akin to a rock than to a salamander. This manner is adhered to even should potential prey venture near. However, it will attack any prey that ventures too close to the beast's mouth. It will also retreat to the water if it senses any danger from potential hunters or predators. Unfortunately due to its poor eyesight, hunters from the orc or Ice Tribes have found that sneaking up on the creature is relatively easy.

Mating

Due to the fact that the beast spends such a vast majority of its time underwater, very little is known about the Monh-Rum's mating habits. Even on the rare occasions that two creatures have been observed together on land, reports suggest that their intentions were anything but amorous. Such evidence leads one to believe that what courtship and copulation habits exist are done completely within the confines of the water.

Infant Monh-Rum are only found in the waters of the Iceland's lakes. The earlier stages of development seem to have the creature as fish-like, and gradually the Monh-Rum gains the tough skin, strong limbs and lungs of an adult. It is not entirely known how long this development takes, though judging by the long lifespan of these animals it could be quite a while indeed.

Since infant Monh-Rum have only been found in lakes, it is theorized that all egg laying is done in lakes as opposed to the Gotgavnynn network. This makes sense, since the early developmental stages of the beast are without the tough skin to protect it from the hot waters found in the hot spring network. It is also postulated that the eggs hatch early in winter since the young can only be found after the lake's surface thaws, and the infants found are already partially developed.

Uses
While the Monh-Rum is a dangerous foe, the Ice Tribes consider them a rare boon because the meat of this beast is surprisingly tender and flavorful. The head is un-edible due to the dangerous saliva, but the rest of the body is considered a delicacy and is used as a reward for brave hunters or warriors. The tough armored skin of the beast is highly prized amongst both the Ice Tribes and orcs of the Icelands. It is often woven into the furs and pelts of the tribe's most prized warrior or leader, helping to protect them against blows. The danger of the animal combined with how rare it is make these prized suits a very scarce treasure.

Using any part of the head is considered taboo by the Ice Tribes, and is thought to bring Aleshnir's ire. This taboo is so strong that even the monotheistic followers of Kor'och adhere to it, though that may be mostly due to tradition. The Rhom-oc orcs will occasionally harvest the poison, if they think they can get enough of it, and use it to coat their arrows.

Myth/Lore
The Ice Tribes consider the Monh-Rum to be the love-child of both Zundefor and Aleshnir to spite the earth god, Ertemmir. However, Ertemmir used their trick to his advantage; blessing the creature with gifts of his own.

According to Ice Tribes mythos, in the eternal conflict between the gods, Aleshnir became jealous of Ertemmir's complete dominion over land. Thus, Aleshnir and Zundefor mated, creating the Monh-Rum: beast with the freedom to leave the water. Ertemmir, enraged, blessed the creature with a rock-like skin to foil would be predators, while simultaneously blessing the beast with its poisonous mouth to kill both the beasts of Zundefor's and Aleshnir's domains. The tribes tell this story about the Monh-Rum:


"For years unknown, the god of earth, Ertemmir, mocked the Aleshnir for her beast's inability to come up onto land, which was his domain. But Aleshnir grew weary of Ertemmir's bragging ways. He spoke often and loudly of the Aleshnir being completely unable to enter his realm for all her beasts' might. Stewing on her anger, Aleshnir made a pact with Zundefor. Together they spawned the Monh-Rum; blessed with the ability to leave her watery realm, and venture forth into Ertemmir's dry domain. Occasionally, one can see the beast lying on land, openly flaunting Aleshnir's defiance of Ertemmir. Angered by this outrage, Ertemmir blessed the beast with its poison, allowing it to defeat many of Zundefor's champions. This is why we never take the beast's head. We dare not risk the god's wrath in stealing the gift that gave his triumph over Zundefor."

- Turik of Barsalon

It is not entirely clear why the Ice Tribes do not view the using of the Monh-Rum's skin as a slight against the earth god like they do with its head, though a theory exists that could be that it stemmed from the Ice Tribes' aversion to the poisonous saliva. Thus, the myth of Ertemmir's wrath may have been created after the tradition of ignoring the beast's head.
« Last Edit: 25 June 2011, 22:53:44 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

Bard Judith
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« Reply #1 on: 11 June 2011, 22:07:46 »

Whoah, it's a Pikel!   

Hugs and an aura, just to say welcome back and so good to see you.   Must run, exam week ahead... :)
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« Reply #2 on: 11 June 2011, 22:45:02 »

I am intrigued by what you have so far! Can't wait to read the finished draft :D
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« Reply #3 on: 12 June 2011, 06:37:50 »

A pinnip- and orc-eating amphibian that travels in underground water courses and may stick its head out of a hot spring at any time? Bathing in the Icelands will never be the same again. Can't wait for the Description section.

I've got a trip to Iceland (the earthen version, not Northern Sarvonia) planned for this summer; if your description is going to be all too terrific, please warn me not to read it before my holiday, as I might otherwise find myself unable to enjoy the hot springs without constantly checking whether a monh-rum is lurking between the rocks.
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« Reply #4 on: 23 June 2011, 07:25:02 »

Alright. First entry since my return is now ready for comments :) Please be gentle; it's been awhile.
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« Reply #5 on: 23 June 2011, 08:53:51 »

Hellooooo... pet
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Monh Rum - Amphibian


Overview
The reclusive Monh-Rum is a wholly remarkable amphibian. Living most of its life in the Gotgavnynn hot springs network of the Northern Sarvonian Iceland's Coast, the beast's rock-like skin and tremendous size make it a very dangerous predator. Luckily, the creature is incredibly rare and very seldom seen out<outside of the hot springs, and even more occasionally seen out of water.

Description
The monh-rum does not stand far from the ground, only measuring around a ped at it's<its tallest. However, what the beast lacks in height it more than makes up for in length. The arctic amphibian measures about two and a half, to three and a half,<no comma peds from mouth to the tip of its tail. Almost half of this length is made up of the thick, strong tail itself. The beast's four weak limbs protrude from its thick body horizontally, as if they're more useful to keep the creature from rolling over than actually moving it's massive girth. Each limb is very short and ends in four equally small digits. On land, these limbs seem only to play a minor role in the creature's locomotion, aiding its snake-like slither. In the water however, they've been seen using their limbs often to help them propel. However,<I recommend changing that to "Though," instead, as it sounds kind of repetitive here. how much the small limbs actually help the beast's swimming is up for debate.

The monh-rum's wide, flat head is shaped not unlike the head of a shovel and seems almost immediately connected to it's<its body, with very little to no neck. Two small black eyes protrude from the the top of its skull. The creature's wide mouth is full of very small teeth, though it's<its powerful jaws make good use of them. However, the first thing one notice's<notices when the creature's mouth opens is its blue tongue, which it uses to help catch it's prey.<I'd imagine that this would be the way that it would catch its prey anyway...

The tough skin of this gigantic salamander is somewhat of a mystery. Unlike most amphibians, which have smooth skin, the monh-rum's hide has much the same color and consistency of un-worked stone. Thus, a careless passersby might pass one sunning itself near a lake and never notice the beast. Its coloration varies little in hue, staying mostly solid throughout the creature's body. The beast is occasionally seen at the bottom of a clear shallow lake,<This sounds like it's only found at the bottom of one clear shallow lake. "at the bottom of clear shallow lakes," would be my suggestion. using it's hide as camouflage in an attempt to ambush would be<would-be prey.

Special Abilities
The Monh-Rum's rock-like skin is very tough. Not quite as strong or dense as stone, many an ice-tribesmen has found that piercing the beast's hide is a difficult task. This tough skin seems not only to protect the creature from the other inhabitants of the icelands, but from the hot water from the gotgavnynn network.

The most dangerous ability of the Monh-Rum is its bite. It's<Its saliva has a fast acting paralytic effect on the area which was bitten. Though this does not help the beast take down it's<its smaller fish prey, it is tremendous help when attacking larger creatures or defending itself against a human or orc. Combined with it's<its ability to make<I'd change "make" to "run with" short bursts of speed on land and its stone-like skin, the Monh-Rum's dangerous bite make the creature a hardy adversary.

Territory
The monh-rum makes its home in the Icelands region of Northern Sarvonia. Though mostly seen on land, the creature is believed to spend most of its time in the water in the network of hot-springs that the ice tribes call the gotgavnynn. Through this network of under-ground springs the monh-rum travel between various lakes and rivers. They've even been spotted in the summer sunning on ocean shores and islands. The large amounts of time spent in the hot-spring network or bathing in what sun there is seems to make due for the fact that most amphibians prefer a warmer climate.

Diet
An adult monh-rum's diet consists mostly of various fish, but they've been seen eating numerous small mammals, including the hrugchuck mouse, rheeah, pinnip seals and the young of various other mammals. Their strong jaws allow them to eat even the hard-shelled flyer crab. Though its not common, particularly large specimen have been known to feed on orcs and humans of the ice tribes. Monh-rum in the earlier stages of their development seem to be completely herbivorous, consuming only the hardy moss found in iceland lakes.

Behavior
The monh-rum's temperament and behavior seem to vary wildly depending on whether or not the beast is on land, or in water.<This sentence kind of sounds strange. I'd take out the "or not". This probably has a lot to do with its vastly reduced mobility outside of an aquatic environment. For this reason, the monh-rum never strays more than a few peds from water. Only during the short summer does the monh-rum stray out of the water, though it's unclear as to why exactly the usually water-based creature does this.

As noted before, the monh-rum spends the vast majority of its time in the gotgavnynn network of hot springs that spread throughout the Iceland's coast. Due to the nature of the underground network, this means that the beast is very rarely encountered and its habits aren't often seen. However, it can be found in some of the few hot pools formed by the gotgavnynn network that have tunnel entrances large enough to accommodate the sizable salamander. It's more commonly seen in the larger lakes and ocean. In these aquatic environments the monh-rum is very aggressive, attacking would be<would-be prey with abandon. This includes any orcs or members of the ice tribes that may be in the water. For this reason, new hot pools are viewed warily until it is determined whether their<the entrance is large enough for the dangerous amphibian to get through.

On land the beast is very passive, laying very still for much of the time. It is so still, in fact, that its mottled and tough skin make<makes it seem more akin to a rock than to a salamander. This manner is adhered to even should potential prey venture near. However<comma it will attack any prey that ventures too close to the beast's mouth. It will also retreat to the water if it sense<senses any danger, from potential hunters or predators. Unfortunately due to its poor eyesight, hunters from the orc or ice tribes have found that on<remove sneaking up on the creature is relatively easy.

Mating
Due to the fact that the beast spends such a vast majority of its time underwater, very little is known about the monh-rum's mating habits. Even on the rare occasions that two creatures have been observed together on land, reports suggest that their intentions were anything but amorous. Such evidence leads one to believe that what courtship and copulation habits exist are done completely within the confines of the water.

Infant monh-rum are only found in the waters of the Iceland's lakes. The earlier stages of development seem to have the creature as fish-like, and gradually the monh-rum gains the tough skin, strong limbs and lungs of an adult. It's not entirely known how long this development takes, though judging by the long lifespan of these animals it could be quite long indeed.<The use of the word "long" is very repetitive here. "quite a while indeed"

Since infant monh-rum have only been found near<I though they were fish-like, so I'd assume you mean "in" lakes, it's theorized that all egg laying is done in lakes as opposed to the gotgavnynn network. This makes sense, since the early developmental stages of the beast are without the tough skin to protect it from the hot waters found in the hot spring network. It's also postulated that the eggs hatch early in winter since the young can only be found after the lake's surface thaws, and the infants found are already partially developed.

Uses
While the monh-rum is a dangerous foe, the ice tribes consider them a rare boon because the meat of this beast is surprisingly tender and flavorful. The head is un-edible due to the dangerous saliva, but the rest of the body is considered a delicacy and is used as a reward for brave hunters or warriors. The tough armored skin of the beast is highly prized amongst both the ice tribes and orcs of the icelands. Its often woven into the furs and pelts of the tribe's most prized warrior or leader, helping to protect them against blows. The danger of the animal combined with how rare it is[color]goldenrod]<comma[/color] make these prized suits a very scarce treasure.

Using any part of the head is considered taboo by the ice tribes, and is thought to bring Aleshnir's ire upon those who use it. This taboo is so strong that even the monotheistic followers of Kor'och adhere to it, though that may be mostly due to tradition.

What about the orcs of the icelands? Do they find it taboo to use as well? If the beast's saliva is paralyzing, wouldn't an orc or.. well.. *waves her hands around* someone want to harvest and use what I think would be a particularly useful poison?

Myth/Lore
The ice tribes consider the Monh-Rum to be favored by two gods; Aleshnir, god of sea creatures and Ertemmir, god of earth.

According to ice tribes mythos, in the eternal conflict between the gods, Aleshnir became jealous of Zundefor's beasts complete dominion over land. Thus, Aleshnir blessed the beast not only with the freedom to leave the water, but with the saliva that helps take down it's<its prey. The tribes tell this story about Aleshnir's blessing.< :

"The Monh-Rum was once naught but a humble sea creature. But Aleshnir grew weary of Zundefor's bragging ways. He spoke often and loudly of the Aleshnir being completely unable to enter his realm, for all her beast's<beasts' might. Stewing on her anger, Aleshnir then blessed the Monh-Rum with the ability to leave her watery realm, and venture forth into Zundefor's dry domain. Occasionally, one can see the beast laying on land, openly flaunting Aleshnir's defiance of Zundefor. She also blessed the beast with its poison, allowing it to defeat many of Zundefor's champions. This is why we never take the beast's head. We dare not risk the goddess' wrath in stealing the gift that gave her triumph over Zundefor."

- Turik of Barsalon

Ertemmir blessed the Monh-Rum with skin like stone so that it might brave the waters of the gotgavnynn, widely held to be blessed by the god of fire, Peierjon. This mockery was made to revenge some slight against Ertemmir for which the god of fire was responsible. There are conflicting reports as to what this could have been, but it must have been after their temporary alliance against Parsis, god of ice, in their efforts to create the burning grass. It's not entirely clear why the ice tribes don't view the using of the Monh-Rum's skin as a slight against the earth god like they do with its head, though a theory exists that could be that it stemmed from the Ice-Tribes' aversion to the poisonous saliva. Thus, the myth of Aleshnir's wrath may have been created after the tradition of ignoring the beast's head.

Alright!  ^_^    There you go!
That's all I've got. grin
*runs off to do other things...*

Bobspeed
heart ~ Val ~ heart
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« Reply #6 on: 23 June 2011, 10:51:43 »

Updated
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« Reply #7 on: 23 June 2011, 10:54:11 »

Can you please color your changes Pikel?
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« Reply #8 on: 23 June 2011, 10:54:57 »

Give me a day or two to go through this with a fine tooth comb. :)  Looking forward to it.
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« Reply #9 on: 23 June 2011, 10:55:08 »

With the exception of a few of the minor grammar errors, there were only a few changes, but i'll color them (if i remember them all D:)
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« Reply #10 on: 23 June 2011, 20:34:23 »

this is brilliant Pikel! I'm a sucker for giant salamanders in any case, but you've also populated some more of our underwater caves, which is handy. I've not really any comments to add, just happy to see more wriggly things being added. :D
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« Reply #11 on: 24 June 2011, 06:11:46 »

I agree with Seth. It's an excellent entry to return with, Pikel!

I just found two tiny things:

(1)
Quote
Occasionally, one can see the beast laying on land, openly flaunting Aleshnir's defiance of Zundefor.
I think you mean "lying"?


(2) Although Val helped to weed some out, you still got a few misplaced "it's" in there, where it should be "its" instead (ie, the possessive pronoun, rather than the short from of "it is"). To wit:

Quote
The beast is occasionally seen at the bottom of clear shallow lakes, using it's hide as camouflage in an attempt to ambush would-be prey.

Quote
The monh-rum's wide, flat head is shaped not unlike the head of a shovel and seems almost immediately connected to it's body, with very little to no neck.

Quote
The beast's four weak limbs protrude from its thick body horizontally, as if they're more useful to keep the creature from rolling over than actually moving it's massive girth.


Quote
Though this does not help the beast take down it's smaller fish prey, it is tremendous help when attacking larger creatures or defending itself against a human or orc.
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« Reply #12 on: 24 June 2011, 13:15:34 »

Updated :D This time i just went through with the "Find word" function to weed out all the possessive apostrophed "it's"
« Last Edit: 24 June 2011, 13:55:06 by Pikel » Logged

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« Reply #13 on: 25 June 2011, 00:04:39 »

Quote
The arctic amphibian measures about two and a half, to three and a half peds from mouth to the tip of its tail.

No comma

Quote
In the water however, they've been seen using their limbs often to help them propel.

Comma after water

Quote
Though how much the small limbs actually help the beast's swimming is up for debate.

I'm pretty sure this sentence isn't grammatically correct.  I think the though needs to be placed elsewhere.

Quote
The creature's wide mouth is full of very small teeth, though its powerful jaws make good use of them

Though isn't the right conjunction here.

Quote
However, the first thing one notice's when the creature's mouth opens is its wide blue tongue

no apostrophe

Quote
This tough skin seems not only to protect the creature from the other inhabitants of the icelands, but from the hot water from the gotgavnynn network.

Icelands and g-thingy should be capitalized.  Also, Icetribesman should be capitalized as it is a tribal name.


Quote
The most dangerous ability of the Monh-Rum is its bite. Its saliva has a fast acting paralytic effect on the area which was bitten.

Stick with the present tense.

-List its  speedy as a separate Special ability with its own description.

-choose whether or not you are going to capitalize Monh-rum and stick with it throughout the entry.  Don't flip flop back and forth.

Quote
Though mostly seen on land, the creature is believed to spend most of its time in the water in the network of hot-springs that the ice tribes call the gotgavnynn.

Icetribes capitalized.  Got-thingy capitalized.  Please go through and capitalize Ice Tribes throughout.

Quote
They've even been spotted in the summer sunning on ocean shores and islands.

Avoid contractions

Quote
the monh-rum never strays more than a few peds from water. Only during the short summer does the monh-rum stray out of the water,

"stray out of the water" is repeated back to back here.

Quote
gotgavnynn

capitalize.  I'm going to stop highlighting these.  Please capitalize throughout.

Quote
This means that the beast is very rarely encountered and its habits aren't often seen

Avoid contractions.  Again, I'm going to stop pointing all these out.  Please go through and find them.

Quote
It will also retreat to the water if it senses any danger, from potential hunters or predators

No comma

Quote
Its often woven into the furs and pelts of the tribe's most prized warrior or leader, helping to protect them against blows.

Its should be it is.

Quote
Using any part of the head is considered taboo by the ice tribes, and is thought to bring Aleshnir's ire upon those who use it.

I'd suggest removing the "upon those who use it" as it makes the sentence read repetitively.

Quote
The rhom-oc orcs will occasionally harvest the poison if they think they can get enough of it, and use it to coat their arrows.

Rhom-oc should be capitalized.  There should be a comma after poison. 

Quote
He spoke often and loudly of the Aleshnir being completely unable to enter his realm, for all her beasts' might.

No comma

A very nice job Pikel.  Most of my comments are simple grammatical fixes so if your qre quick yo ushould be able to get this into the next update.
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« Reply #14 on: 25 June 2011, 06:43:59 »

Went through and incorporated all comments. Only major reworking of sentences were colored, while the minor grammar, punctuation, and capitalization changes were done but not colored.

I'd prefer if this were not blarrowed until Altario has had a gander at it :)

Updated: Turned the last paragraph into 2 paragraphs.
« Last Edit: 25 June 2011, 06:49:58 by Pikel » Logged

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