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Author Topic: Child of Spring: Chapter 5  (Read 2158 times)
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« on: 06 August 2012, 01:24:17 »

EDIT: Opening the chapter for comments. Need to find names for:
  • [Travis]
  • Boy 2 - Seed?
  • Boy 3 - Wild Apple?
  • Boy 4 - Cloud?
  • Boy 5 - Grass?
  • Boy 6 - Pebble?
  • [Master Name] - Master Coldstream?
  • Gondolwain honorifics/terms of endearment to replace 'Winter-san'

EDIT 2: Additional name-holders from Chapter 6:
  • [Mother Name] (Stormblade) - Sister Whitesurge?
  • [Stormblade Temple]

Brainstorming for the chapter title: A Curious Diet? Botanical Garden? Daisies? The Virtues of a Balanced Diet?

Suggestions on both fronts most welcome!  grin



CHILD OF SPRING

This is the story of [Winter] and the Way of Wind and Water. He is one of the Gifted, those rare individuals born with natural magical ability. He has lived the life of a Krean monk since he entered the monastery at age six, but his heart is in Nybelmarasa, the last place in the world where the magic of the Ancient Krean still lives. In a year he will leave [White Mountain], a place which has been home for seventeen years, and make the long journey to the Academy. Here he will learn the ways of magic from the mages of Nybelmarasa as they have been passed from the legendary emperor Dearan Asaen himself. Or so he hopes. It is said that our gifts define us, make us who we are. What would you do if you lost yours and how far would you go to get it back?



CHAPTER SUMMARIES

Chapter 1: The Songs of Wind
In which we meet Winter. Into the peace of the mountain, a new song has come on the Wind.

Chapter 2: Meditating on the Breath
On his way to the monastery, Winter runs into a friend. Why is Orange out of breath and what is he searching for?

Chapter 3: Song of the Family
In which Winter remembers. The two monks discuss the change that looms over White Mountain.

Chapter 4: War and Peace
Winter and Orange disagree about the coming war. Winter is troubled by the change that has come over his friend.

Chapter 5: Botanical Garden
War is coming to the Port of Nor, and on the Mountain, Winter is locked in a battle of his own, trying to get twelve novice monks ranging from six to ten years of age through the morning practice. But first he must reason with Ker, who has a penchant for (mis)-quoting Master Kao and is very fond of daisies, as a source of nourishment.


« Last Edit: 10 November 2012, 18:37:47 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #1 on: 06 August 2012, 01:25:39 »

CHAPTER 5
The Virtues of a Balanced Diet

"Ker, please don't eat the daisies." I sensed that this was going to be a long day.

"But I like the taste."

"I assure you, you will not like the taste quite so much after you vomit." There were delighted giggles from the children as they pictured this, revelling at the grossness.

"But Aunt Winn says I should eat more greens."

"Of the edible variety."

"Are daisies not edible then?"

"Generally speaking, no."

"But turtles eat them!"

"Ker, are you a turtle?"

Ker seemed to give this serious thought, first a pause, then a defeated sigh. "All right." His eyes perked up again, bubbling with excitement, "Can I eat the roses then?"

"Tell you what Ker - let's make a deal," I said. "Seed, you are on kitchen duty this afternoon, right?" Seed nodded and I turned back to Ker. "You can eat all the flowers you want -"

"ALL of them?"

"Yes."

"Even the purple lanterns?"

"If you wish."

"And daylong flowers? What about dreamer's breath? And shy hares? And geraniums? Hanging horns?"

"Ker, are you planning to grow a botanical garden in your stomach?"

"I suppose I should eat lady fingers too then." He grimaced.

"I take it they don't taste so nice?"

"Not particularly. But Master Kao says no garden is complete without a pool of lady fingers."

"You don't need to eat any flowers you don't want to."

"But I can eat any flower I want? Any flower?"

"Any flower and as many as your heart desires- BUT here is the deal: If - that is: when - you upset your stomach and vomit, Seed will gather it into a soup and you will have to drink it for dinner."

A chorus from the children: "Ewwww!" Ker surreptitiously put down the daisies he had in his hand and nudged them away with his foot.

"Thanks. But I won't have any more today. Aunt Winn says too much of a good thing can be bad for you."

"Excellent choice. There is something to be said for a balanced diet." Then, I added the following as an afterthought, to cover all angles: "And no, you cannot eat worms. They do not count as meat."

"Very well," I said. "Unless anyone else has any other culinary adventures to propose, let's continue with the morning practice. Three more warm-up exercises and then we'll go find Master Coldstream, who will take over for Flowing Water, Short Form." I looked at the boys. "Any questions? -" Wild Apple opened his mouth. "Other than whether you can feed apples to a black unicorn, Wild Apple."

"I wasn't going to ask that."

"If you say so."

"So what were you going to ask then?" Cloud said.

Wild Apple turned to me and planted his feet, making a point of not hearing Cloud. "Winter, which three exercises will we practice?"

"Swimming Dragon. Sinking in Prayer Position. Stand Like a Tree."

"In what order?" Wild Apple said.

"Swimming Dragon. Sinking in Prayer Position. Stand Like a Tree."

"But Stand Like a Tree is not a warm-up exercise..." the wonderfully literal-minded Grass said. He had a point.

"True. It's an introduction to standing meditation."

"Master Kao says standing meditation strengthens the spine and straightens the spirit," Ker volunteered. "Or did it straighten the spine and strengthen the spirit?" Ker's eyebrows huddled together to work that one out amongst themselves.

Wild Apple was trying to push me out of the way to see what I had behind me. "Winter, what's in that amphora?"

"Ah! That's for Swimming Dragon. We will use it to - "

"But what's in it?"

"Wild Apple, I swear a cat must have given birth to you! You could not possibly have waited nine months."

"Does that mean I'll always fall on all fours?"

"I wouldn't test it."
« Last Edit: 20 August 2012, 16:34:55 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged

"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #2 on: 07 August 2012, 02:40:59 »

I think I found some names under a rock:
  • Boy 2: Seed
  • Boy 3: Wild Apple
  • Boy 4: Cloud
  • Boy 5: Grass
  • Boy 6: Pebble

Chapter 5 scrubbed and bathed (it also cleaned the fold behind its ears) and ready for visitors.
« Last Edit: 07 August 2012, 02:48:24 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged

"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #3 on: 09 August 2012, 03:04:19 »

'The Virtues of a Balanced Diet' gets my vote for the chapter title! thumbup
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Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #4 on: 13 August 2012, 04:59:16 »

'The Virtues of a Balanced Diet' gets my vote for the chapter title!
Agreed.


Another lovely chapter, quite different in tone to what came before, but congenial nonetheless, and painted with the same deft and gentle brush.

I noticed three small things:

Quote
"Ker, are you turtle?"
Intentional? Or: ... are you a turtle?


Quote
"Master Kao says standing meditation strengthens the spine and straightens the spirit," Ker volunteered. "Or did it straighten the spine and strenghten the spirit?"
... strengthen...


... And a minor stylistic point:

Quote
"Excellent choice. There is something to be said for a balanced diet." Then, I added the following as an afterthought, to cover all angles: "And no, you cannot eat worms. They do not count as meat."

"Very well," I said.
This transition strikes me as less fluent than the rest of the text. I think you need something in between these two paragraphs. A short description of Ker's face? Or the reaction of the other children?
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Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr
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« Reply #5 on: 13 August 2012, 20:44:29 »

"Excellent choice. There is something to be said for a balanced diet." Then, I added the following as an afterthought, to cover all angles: "And no, you cannot eat worms. They do not count as meat."

I don't think the red bit is needed, personally.

Enjoying thus far! Very nice indeed.
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