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Author Topic: Child of Spring: Chapter 6  (Read 2991 times)
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« on: 06 August 2012, 03:23:56 »

EDIT: Chapter opened up for comments. Very much a rough draft - with stage directions! Also need to clean the text. The brackets will be replaced when I find names for all the dramatis personae - please see here.

I need some help crafting colourful swear words/insults of the sort children might revel in! (understated; nothing explicit or crude)  buck Please see the draft Chapter 6 below.

TEASER: Chapter 7 may feature an invisible horse! And if you are good, you may just catch a glimpse of...



CHILD OF SPRING

This is the story of [Winter] and the Way of Wind and Water. He is one of the Gifted, those rare individuals born with natural magical ability. He has lived the life of a Krean monk since he entered the monastery at age six, but his heart is in Nybelmarasa, the last place in the world where the magic of the Ancient Krean still lives. In a year he will leave [White Mountain], a place which has been home for seventeen years, and make the long journey to the Academy. Here he will learn the ways of magic from the mages of Nybelmarasa as they have been passed from the legendary emperor Dearan Asaen himself. Or so he hopes. It is said that our gifts define us, make us who we are. What would you do if you lost yours and how far would you go to get it back?



CHAPTER SUMMARIES

Chapter 1: The Songs of Wind
In which we meet Winter. Into the peace of the mountain, a new song has come on the Wind.

Chapter 2: Meditating on the Breath
On his way to the monastery, Winter runs into a friend. Why is Orange out of breath and what is he searching for?

Chapter 3: Song of the Family
In which Winter remembers. The two monks discuss the change that looms over White Mountain.

Chapter 4: War and Peace
Winter and Orange disagree about the coming war. Winter is troubled by the change that has come over his friend.

Chapter 5: Botanical Garden
War is coming to the Port of Nor, and on the Mountain, Winter is locked in a battle of his own, trying to get twelve novice monks ranging from six to ten years of age through the morning practice. But first he must reason with Ker, who has a penchant for (mis)-quoting Master Kao and is very fond of daisies, as a source of nourishment.

Chapter 6: Swimming Dragon
In which we discover the connection between Swimming Dragon and Stormblade complexion. Swimming Dragon, Sinking in Prayer Position, Stand Like a Tree: Three more exercises and Winter can hand the novice monks over to Master Coldstream - and Winter has a secret weapon in a curious looking clay jar to make sure the children pay attention...


« Last Edit: 10 November 2012, 18:38:09 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #1 on: 06 August 2012, 03:27:04 »

CHAPTER 6
Swimming Dragon

"In Stormblade Temple, they make Stormblades train Swimming Dragon with a cup of boiling oil in each hand to encourage balance, concentration and movement that flows at a slow, smooth, even pace. But I -"

"Is that why [Travis] is brown?"

"No, Wild Apple. I am pretty certain he was born that way," I said. A smile might have been playing in the side streets of my mouth, sticking out its head around the corner now and again.

Wild Apple hesitated, deep in thought. "Did Sister Whitesurge practice Swimming Dragon too much while she was pregnant then?" He pondered this further. "She mustn't have been very good at it."

"Wild Apple, Sister Whitesurge did not give birth to [Travis]."

"But he calls her 'mother'!"

"There are more than sixty Stormblades, Wild Apple, and they all call her 'mother.' Did you imagine her to have borne each and every one of them?"

"Well... She does do that funny walk every morning. I see her lumbering from one end of the courtyard to the other, again and again, for hours."

"Wild Apple, that's called Walking in Horse Stance... Sister Whitesurge practices it as moving meditation to strengthen the root, condition the legs and still the mind."

"Oh."

I lifted the jug. "Come, line up and bring your cups."

Wild Apple was hopping up and down as if he had swallowed a particularly nosy rabbit. "Winter, do you really have boiling oil in there?"

"No. I have something much more effective." I looked Wild Apple in the eye and allowed a mischievous half-smile to creep around the corner of my mouth. "See for yourself. Come - take the lid off."

Wild Apple wrinkled his nose. "Ewwww! Smells like brownie poo!"

"It IS brownie poo."

"Did you get Master Bluebark to shat in it then?"

Cloud was glaring at me, daring me to rebuke him for using a word lay people would not usually expect to hear at monasteries.  'Come scold me,' it said. This was a bait and I did not take it. It had not been so many years since I was his age that I had forgotten the surest way to encourage a foul mouth in children was to chide them against it. Cloud might have been surprised to learn that he was not the first boy in the world to collect swear words with which he could then shock grown-ups into scandalised stupefaction at his leisure.  

"Cloud, I did not realise you had aspirations of becoming a sailor," I said. In my experience, usually when the grown-up in question is sufficiently unfazed, they eventually give up.

"What if I did?"

"Then this would be your lucky day. Diligent practice of Swimming Dragon will teach you to bend like a reed. Then when pirates board your ship, you will have the flexibility in your spine to duck away from their jabs and swim around their sword swipes."

"[colourful swear word]" I was distinctly unimpressed. When Orange and I were his age, our inventions had been much more inspired. The declining standards of society...

"That's a rather colourful expression," I said, trying to be polite. "And from whom might you have gleaned such beautiful imagery?"

"[Travis]!"

[Travis], the Corruptor of the Young. Of course.

"Did [Travis] teach you many such wonders then?"

There was a rapid-fire list of colourful swear words as they each began to volunteer one, each trying to out-do the others in creative profanity: [insert list of colourful swear words (I need help here!)]

"Prickle prick!"

I must admit this last one caught me off guard. I blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Thinking he finally found purchase, Cloud now ran around in circles, stamping the ground and shouting "Prickle prick, prickle prick, prickle prick!">

"I'm curious what makes you think that particular image when you look at me," I said.

"Master Kao says we see things not as they are, but as we are," Ker informed us.

"Master Kao is very wise, Ker."

For the next few minutes Cloud and I practiced Turning the Waterwheel, an exercise which largely involved Cloud trying to punch me while I leaned my outstretched palm against his forehead. Imagine this, if you will: Cloud furiously rolling his punches, said punches never connecting (My arms are longer.), his fists turning like a waterwheel, and all the while Cloud furling a string of obscenities at me with renewed vigour, some of which were probably manufactured on the spot.

After a not-ungenerous amount of time, I laid my hands on each side of Cloud's head and kneeled so that our eyes were level. He stilled. "Cloud, what escapes our mouth in anger often reveals more about us than a day of discourse."

He had the decency to look at his feet and feign remorse.
« Last Edit: 07 August 2012, 06:47:22 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged

"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #2 on: 07 August 2012, 01:04:11 »

Fascinating Coren!
I needed over two minutes or more to Download each Page with my veeeery slow iPad Connection
I'll Write more, When back on my comp..
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #3 on: 07 August 2012, 05:23:12 »

Opening the chapter for comments :) Outstanding: a name for [Travis] - and need help inventing some colourful swear words! (Please see the parts marked in red.)
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #4 on: 09 August 2012, 04:13:32 »

Progressed till this chapter so far, and it is quite an entertaining read! Looks like you're definitely going for a more accessible approach here than in older texts, more dialogue, straighter to the point and the text has its ironic and humorous moments, feels lighter, but still manages to convey scope. Very enjoyable! Aura +1 for what I've read so far.

Looks like quite an unusual kind of monastery with the kids causing quite a bit of trouble, though, even forcing Coren to think about swear words, where he so desperately needs help... lol It's a bit difficult to see the whole picture though as of yet, but I guess we'll have to wait and see... ;)
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #5 on: 09 August 2012, 04:28:37 »

Thank you, Art! I'm glad you had a good time with the story so far. :)

In many ways, this was the hardest chapter to write, as it kept reminding me of Tharoc, of his kindhearted spirit, his exuberance, his genius in understated bawdiness. May he rest in peace. Wherever you are, friend, be well.
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #6 on: 14 August 2012, 06:15:58 »

I continue to enjoy every installment. Great work, Coren.

A few notes:

Quote
"Did you get Master Bluebark to shat in it then?"
... shit ...  rolleyes


Quote
"Master Kao says we see things not as they are, but as we are," Ker informed us.

"Master Kao is very wise, Ker."

For the next few minutes Cloud and I practiced Turning the Waterwheel, an exercise which largely involved Cloud trying to punch me while I leaned my outstretched palm against his forehead. Imagine this, if you will: Cloud furiously rolling his punches, said punches never connecting (My arms are longer.), his fists turning like a waterwheel, and all the while Cloud furling a string of obscenities at me with renewed vigour, some of which were probably manufactured on the spot.
The Waterwheel is well described. I am correct, am I not, that you are implying that Cloud is attacking his master? This surprised me, since if anything I had expected Cloud to attack Ker, who has the virtue of not being the teacher, and who, after all, delivered the original insult. Or did I misunderstand something?


Quote
"[colourful swear word]" I was distinctly unimpressed.
..."Havach head!" ...?
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« Reply #7 on: 14 August 2012, 12:45:55 »

Children tend to focus on the toilet words to offend, (crudities and vulgarities)  later the sexual connotations, and rarely on religious or political swear words (profanities or blasphemies), which they leave to their elders.  Also, when they get carried away they tend to ride a theme and play off each other.  Thus, some possibilities for your foul-mouthed young monks:


Filly-faced fart-brain!     Kerkin' buffaloon!    Feff to the feffin' fifth! ('feff' is pretty crude in Santharian Tharian)

  Big blowhole!  Buttbrained bully!    Balls-up donkey-son! 

Blast and blister you!   Piddle, piddle, porky poop!    Teat-tickler!  (perhaps too coarse for children?)   

Flippen / Farg'n / Feffin' / Frickled / Fratted      Whale dung!     Burrs in yer bellybutton!   

 Brattle up yer bunghole!  (meaning 'shut up', not 'f-you', it should be noted)        May a garthook crap in yer ear!

Kack'n kacked up kack!  ('sh-tty shatted sh-t', basically, but in kid terms)   Kack on it all! 

With the sincere hope that this is helpful,
and with great appreciation of the story so far,
Judith, Bard

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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #8 on: 20 August 2012, 05:20:39 »

Oooo... Lots of options here! I'll edit all the chapters together at the end of Act 1. Thanks for the great suggestions, Shab & Judith!
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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