Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

Artimidor Federkiel

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #30 on: 19 March 2014, 04:14:18 »

Okeydokey, final checks, and and additional aura +1 as promised... Here the things that need fixing:

Quote

...had finally found the spot where she could plant her roots (According to my dictionary it's more "strike root" or "put down roots", but "plant roots" sounds unfamiliar - but I'm not a native speaker...) and raise the king's children.

He chose a prime spot on a rise overlooking the sandbars that were home to the local fisherman... (man or men? one or more? "The" fisherman sounds strange at any rate...)

leaving only ripples to show anyone that there was something was there. (?)

But, (no comma here) he never saw her or any of her kind or even his lost son.

...begged the Duke to make offerings to the Twelve where the city had disappeared and many of the city's inhabitants had perished. The Duke, whose own daughter was one of those who had died...#

elvish --> elven (elvish is the language)

The History part ideally should be written the way we have it in other entries - in table format, with the events being described in the present tense plus captions. Especially as each paragraph more or less represents an event anyway already.

But that's about it

Very nice entry, Alt, I also like the lore stuff that ties in the rivermaids in local legends and makes good use of the Sunken City idea - lovely! Looking forward to get this one integrated! thumbup


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Artimidor Federkiel

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #31 on: 22 March 2014, 03:47:23 »

How are the chances to get the final things fixed this weekend, Alt? As I'd like to do a site update and get this one in of course... cool


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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #32 on: 22 March 2014, 06:09:49 »

I will do my best, Arti. But, my daughter just gave birth to Iris Autumn Carol at noon, today, so I might be distracted. But, I would like to see it go up, so I will try.


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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #33 on: 22 March 2014, 07:07:14 »

Altario!

Congratulations! hug

Is this your first grandchild? All the best to baby and mother!


« Last Edit: 22 March 2014, 07:24:00 by Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels »	Logged

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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #34 on: 22 March 2014, 07:29:59 »

#2. Thank you, Talia.


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Artimidor Federkiel

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #35 on: 22 March 2014, 15:54:13 »

Wow, your daughter must have been in league with you and planned the whole thing for at least nine months in order to get you a great excuse for a free weekend, Alt... lol

Congratulations at any rate, gramps, and splendid choice of name I have to say! thumbup

P.S. Should you not manage to finish the last details of the entry, don't worry - I can also add it still a few days later to this update.


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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #36 on: 22 March 2014, 23:02:45 »

Yup, we worked it out so I got a Friday off work and thus a long weekend.

Thank you for the grats, Art.

Gramps? shocked

I'm too young to be a gramps.

Edits in Deep Ochre

Previous integrated History is in tangerine, which is what I rewrote for the History. New ones are in Deep Ochre.

Plant roots is common here, but I changed to Put down roots.

All other changes from you and Talia are integrated. I have Auried you both. Thank you.

Quote

I really like the diversity of the city and its unique character with the Sunken City idea for example, the Foiros temple with its ceremonial braziers, the gnome inspired irrigation system, the Centoraurian horses that thrive her and such events like the Salsair Festival and the Dedication Ceremony with the betrothals

All beautiful touches that give the city something special, and of course with its location near the lake this is an absolutely lovely place for a summer retreat... - I should book my next holidays there....

Make sure you take your vacation at Dev side Salsair, because RP side Salsair won't be as pretty and serene for very much longer.

Though, no one would begrudge a Sage wandering the streets of the RP side.


« Last Edit: 23 March 2014, 04:45:38 by Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin »	Logged

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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #37 on: 24 March 2014, 06:57:27 »

Gramps!

What a nice word!

Seems I need to hurry with my latest WIP to get ahead of you with my auras! The problem is, I'm so busy with the fine weather and other stuff and I don't get around to do something, though I would have some good ideas. They are flowing again and I can't write! arrggghh


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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin

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Re: Salsair, Vardynn Province, City

« Reply #38 on: 24 March 2014, 08:00:06 »

I'm too young, I tell you.

Actually, Talia, my creative juices are flowing quite heavily right now as well. Posting on this side and the Dev side. Feels so very good to be out of that fog I was in the last two years. A new day has dawned.


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Salsair, Vardynn Province, City