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Author Topic: Game on Story Nexus based on Santharia world  (Read 28604 times)
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #30 on: 15 February 2014, 23:34:55 »

Ok, basic problem: It looks like there's a problem with the Nicomede quest, or it isn't completed yet. Because I talked with Nicomede and have the text "Guild Swiftsword mercenaries: Finish the test in Nicomede's illusion" displayed in the quest log. However, after he explained it all to me, I'm back in the city and I don't know what to do now... ???

More comments:

- Meet Lombard: Congratulation (--> Congratulations) for your extraordinary act (--> support) at the Ironwell mine.

Now, let's take some time to relax and to train a bit your skill (--> train your skill a bit) before the final assignment

- A raid in the sewer: It is well known that one of their main refuge (--> hideouts) is in the sewer of Ciosa

and they change the position (--> change position) regularly.

find the refuge (--> hideout) and kill one of their leader. (--> leaders.)

You have two options to find the refuge : (--> hideout:)

- Sewer: Let's start:  You will face a mini serie of 3 (--> series of three) skill challenges with growing difficulty in order to find the headquarter (--> headquarters).

- In the sewer: You seem to be lost in the sewer without a good way forward to find the location of the headquarter (--> headquarters).

You have already seen this tunnel room at least 3 (--> three) times!

After walking a few minutes, you get back your sense of orientation (--> you get your sense of orientation back) and move toward the area where the entrance of the old sewer system is (--> located). After searching a bit, you find the door hidden behind a few barrels in one of the room (--> rooms).  There is no lock or anything, so you can enter very simply (--> pretty easily) in the old sewer.

Some water is also dropping from the ceiling and (--> a) small pond of stagnant water blocks your way.

You jump above the wall (--> climb over the broken wall) and enter the second part of the sewer.

Just behind a large pile of broken stones (no comma) you manage to find a small fissure and a hole leading to the network of caverns below the sewer system. Your last step toward the headquarter (--> headquarters).

The headquarter (--> headquarters) of Ciosa's underworld has settled in one of those large cave. (--> caves)

But you still don't have a clue at the location of the headquarter. (--> headquarters)

- Ask for the location of the underworld headquarter (--> headquarters) in the sewer

You should be able to attract the attention of some of them and gather some information about the sewer headquarter (--> headquarters).

You follow the lead and a few minutes later, you see a ray of light in front of you. You just found the headquarter ! (--> headquarters)

Around of the bigger tent, you (--> In the vicinity of the bigger tent you) find one known face (--> a trusted face). This is one of the main lieutenant (--> lieutenants) from the underworld, alone in the dark...

- Report to Lombard: You enter the guild house and go directly to Lombard who was (--> has been)) waiting for you, comfortably seated in a couch with a nice glass of whiskey.

"I suggest to relax a bit with some training, (--> .)Even a highly (--> capable) fighter like you should always stay in good condition and train regularly. "

Lombard starts to discuss your last but one challenge : the so-called "Slip and Be Hit" test (--> challenge: the so-called "Slip and Be Hit" test.)

You have accomplished wonderfully all the five missions I gave you. (--> You have performed with excellence at all the five mission I gave you.)

- Fight is on: That seem fit (--> seems to fit) with the fight club environment and... For the combat, your (--> you) and your opponent will start with 4 hit points.

- First attack: You decide to hit with a simple movement, just to see what Lombard had (--> has) in his mind.

At the same time, he strikes strongly (--> time he strikes forcefully) at your head

But he will be now much more careful. (--> But he will be much more careful now.)

You look around and see the crowd in a circle around your (--> you) and Lombard,

...and trying to adjust to the new configuration of the arean. (--> arena)

This is the moment you used to throw yourself at him. (--> This is the moment you go ahead and throw yourself at Lombard.)

He sees you at the last moment and manages to avoid the hardest part (--> to avoid the full impact) of the blow...

You still managed (--> manage) to punch him in the stomach, and he retreats a bit, to give him time to get back his breath (bit, giving him time to get his breath back).

By concentrating on your searing spell, you can make your hands burning, and then touch his body with your hands (--> you can make your hands burn, and then use them to touch  his body)

With a few instant of concentration, you started your spell and you could feel your hands becoming hotter. (--> after a few instances of concentration you cast your spell and finally feel your hands turn hotter...) Then, you throw yourself to (--> at) Lombard and grab his arm with your hands. He suddenly screamed of surprise (--> Taken by surprise he suddenly screams) and jumped (--> jumps) back a bit.

He gives you a few (--> bit) more advice on how to improve your fighting technique.

You have one last test to do before being officially (--> before officially becoming) a member of the Swiftsword guild.

In your case, it will be Nicomede, our onlhy (--> only) mage in the guild in Ciosa.

You need to start the test as an innocent (--> ignorant) man without knowledge

- With Nicomede: Sit down my boy." (--> remove ")

At the end of the test, I will tell you if you have pass (--> passed) or not.

During the test, you will gain or lose victory points depending in your action (--> on your actions) and the success of skill challenge (--> success of your skill challenges).
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« Reply #31 on: 16 February 2014, 17:24:49 »

And some more:

- Enter the hide-out (Red Ribbon): You enter in the small tunnel and arrives (--> arrive) in a first small cavern where two guards are stationed. The squad dealt very quickly and silently of them (--> squad deals very quickly and silently with them), before they are able to raise the alarm.

- Retreat: If you cannot manage to fight your way through the hide out (--> hideout), you can retreat for now.

- Fight in the main cavern: The squad enters by surprise in the main cavern where the mercenaries of the Red Ribbon are living. (--> The squad enters the main cavern where the mercenaries of the Red Ribbon live, taking them by surprise.) [This passage is actually listed twice.]

A few fighters have the time to take their weapon (--> weapons) and fight back the militia. You need to help the militia.

- Both captions of the options at this point are "Fight in the main cavern" - you might change that to make clear that the second option involves magic.

- To add to the confusion, you can use one your magic trick : (--> you can use one of your magic tricks) raise a big flame to make them believe that the cavern is on fire and to add to the confusion (--> and add to the confusion)).

-  As expected, the flame rose (--> rises) up to the ceiling, and the smoke start (--> starts) to fill the cave. The mercenaries woke up (--> wak up) in confusion and the squad shackled (--> shackles) them one by one very easily.

- Fight in the leader's headquarter (--> headquarters): Now that the main cavern is secure, the squad moves on silently to the secondary exit of the cavern that leads after a small tunnel (--> that first leads through a narrow passage and then) to the small headquarter (--> headquarters) room where the boss of the Red Ribbon Farlak (--> Red Ribbon, Farlak,) lives.

- Failure: The three lieutenant (--> lieutenants) from the Red Ribbon are real good fighters.

So, you (--> So you) prefer to stay behind and let the soldiers do their job.

After a few minutes, the three fighters are finally taking (--> taken) down.

[Note: I don't know if this was supposed to happen, but the challenge failed here, and the squad still was victorious...]

- Interview a prisoner: Leifneth and you are looking in the desk in the headquarter (--> looking through the desk in the headquarters).

- Ciosastran: You found (--> find) a few mention of the Ciosatran (--> Ciosastran) cave in some communication papers from Johlnut, and the name of the Duke is also mentioned a few times. Leifneth decides to interview one of the three lieutenant (--> lieutenants) to get a final answer.

[I then would suggest to add: One of the three finally talks: "Tooo..."]

He decided he couldn't wait more (--> wait any more) and had to act now.

For the ceremony, the duke of Ciosa usually goes inside the Evermourn mountain and pray (--> prays) in front of the sacred tomb of Ciosa.

And I can tell you all of that, because this (--> because it) is too late. The time for you to arrive at Ciosatran, the Duke will probably already be dead... (--> At the time you'll arrive at Ciosatran the Duke will probably already be dead...)

"Go quick, as fast as you can. Moving the entire squad would be too slow (--> cumbersome), but a single man can be quick (--> fast) enough. Just go and try to prevent the attack ! (--> attack!")

- In general: "Ciosatran" should be "Ciosastran" (see also quest log in side menu, mentioned several times)
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« Reply #32 on: 17 February 2014, 23:44:48 »

All fixed.

The last quest from the Swiftsword line should work now (as soon as you login, you will get the card that should have happened normally).

Regarding: [Note: I don't know if this was supposed to happen, but the challenge failed here, and the squad still was victorious...]
Yes, this is expected. The failure gave you -10 reputation. I'll make a remark before the choice.
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« Reply #33 on: 19 February 2014, 04:52:50 »

Ok, I continued with the last Swiftsword quest now, but there seems to be a problem. The quest was started in Ciosa if I remember correctly, and I successfully attacked the shaman, but once it's over, I'm suddenly in... Fang Julin?? And there's no further mention of the quest, I just got dropped off there. The quest log now reads "Guild Swiftsword mercenaries: Visit other cities where the guild has a house", so this looks like the final stage is reached now (even though there are no other guild houses methinks, also not in the stormcloaks quest). At any rate: The location where I find myself now is definitely unexplained, and there's no Nicomede congratulating me etc. So this is all very weird right now and probably wasn't intended that way... huh

More fixes:

- The Encounter: "If you want to stop the illusion, just ring the little bell, but you will fail your test.". (--> .")

You get up and after get outside. (--> You get up and follow the man outside.) You are (--> You find yourself) in a small village in the mountains. Lots of villagers are in front of your house, with fighting equipments, and waiting your orders. (--> equipment. They are awaiting your orders.))

You have seen this place before in one of the book of the library of the guild : (--> books of the library of the guild) this is the town of Dralgath in the Prominent Mountains. You are (--> It dawns on you that you have taken over the role of) Martin Swiftsword.

Shall we go through the direct path, (--> no comma) that crosses the gorge with the small bridge, or shall we take the longer path through the mountain of pass of Luquador ? (--> Luquador?")

- You choose to do (--> go) through the mountain pass

- The Encounter : the village of Ashz-Oc: After a few hours, you arrive in the area of the clan of Ashz-Oc (--> the Ashz-Oc).

-  Make a diversion : create an illusion fire: ...get a diversion to let your army enter in the village (--> enter the village)

- Secret entrance: After a few minutes, you find a small path that goes up in the mountain in the middle of large rocks (--> you indeed find a small trail up the mountainside between large rocks) and arrive in front of the cliff just above the village of the orcs. From there you can directly jump in one of the roof (--> roofs).

- The Encounter : the battle: The battle is now filly (--> fully) engaged. The villagers are every where (--> everywhere) while the orcs are trying to repel the attackers.

- The Encounter : the chaman (--> shaman [change that everywhere you find it!])

and a large stick encrusted with hieroglyph (--> hieroglyphs)

Rather than going alone in the battle, you grab quickly (--> quickly grab) the attention of 3 (--> three) soldiers and devise a quick plan

Your ata/tck (--> attack) was fast as a lightning
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« Reply #34 on: 19 February 2014, 06:32:14 »

Indeed, there was one more bug that make you miss the last explanation.

Note that the fact that you arrive in Fang Julin is due to the previous bug. The encounter does not change the location. As you are supposed to start the encounter from Ciosa, you should finish it in Ciosa. Due to the bug, I had to activate the encounter for you, when you were in Fang Julin. It should not happen for other players.
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« Reply #35 on: 21 February 2014, 05:12:13 »

Okeydokey, Romvinot - I guess I'm through by now with everything that has been implemented so far - yay!  cool thumbup

At least I think so as mentioned already, because Ciosastran is inaccessible right now, both story threads lead to it, and the Stormcloaks and the Swiftsword quests both suggest that I visit other guild houses in other cities, and methinks there aren't any other guild houses at the moment, right? :)

As for texts that should be fixed: Make sure to make no spaced between words and punctuation (like "he walks around .")... This might look pretty weird if there is a line break, and you do that regularly. So whenever possible try to get rid of these problems. And don't forget to add "s" when you're using plural words - you seem to be quite fond of omitting those as well...

Overall it's a really fun adventure you've put together here and I've enjoyed it very much for the most part! grin Enjoyed it really quite a lot, very well done! clap clap clap

There are some hurdles for players however which I've already mentioned - the capacity problems that might seemingly lead to a dead end, even though I barely made it without further assistance. It's also a bit difficult for the player to remember where he/she got e.g. a candle when there's need for one, so this might result in travelling around unnecessarily spending valuable action points. An additional inn here and there also wouldn't hurt, e.g. in the western region. I'm also not quite sure when the Swiftsword missions were triggered, because most of the time it was all Stormcloaks missions for me, and no Swiftswords - if I were able to do missions there I could have improved my capacities much faster. But I don't remember exactly when these missions started. But as a matter of fact I did them all when everything else was already done and when I didn't really need the capacities that much anymore... The game mechanics also make some situations look a bit strange. E.g. you can help the sick girl dozens of times, get a bonus out of it, and, well, she never gets better apparently... ;) So yeah, that's not really ideal, but that's difficult to change without altering the whole balance of the game - after all the player needs to do such things a couple of times to improve...

Question: Is there a way to access the whole texts of the game? Or can you send them to me in a Word file or something? E.g. so that I can see how you changed the Baveras mission etc. There's also room for improvement here and there maybe. For example reading up on Ciosan history in the Astrendum (which is necessary a couple of time) might show different texts, so that the player really learns something (maybe even combined with more pics, see below).

BTW: I've updated the Manthrian map now on the site, adding Nolan's Farm in the proper font (see here), so you could use this new version of the map for the Ciosan part, thus making the map look consistent. (If you still see the old version, just refresh.) Nolan's Farm is actually located west of the Klinmor mine BTW...

Also: How about using other pictures from the site directly in the game, like the picture of the Yanth River, Ciosa, Brooding Jepp, Nolan's Farm, the "Welcome to Nolan's Farm" board pic etc. There definitely are a couple that could be used effectively to make some parts of the game graphically attractive. So how about putting some of those in? - If you want I can try to look through what we have so far and make a couple of suggestions where to put what. If we use such pics I assume they should have a width smaller than 510 pixels, as that's the width of the Ciosan map, and it just fits into the frame. I could prepare the pictures that way if you like. We don't have pictures for everything, but at least some key locations and events could be illustrated that way.
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« Reply #36 on: 21 February 2014, 11:04:26 »

I just wanted to chime in and say I am excited to play your game. I am still without a home computer which will be remedied once I get my tax refund. At that point I will be back in action. For now i am relegated to using my phone.
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« Reply #37 on: 21 February 2014, 18:30:05 »

Okeydokey, Romvinot - I guess I'm through by now with everything that has been implemented so far - yay!  cool thumbup
Yes, indeed. So, it took you more or less 2 months.

Quote
Overall it's a really fun adventure you've put together here and I've enjoyed it very much for the most part! grin Enjoyed it really quite a lot, very well done! clap clap clap
Thanks, I'm happy that you like it !

Quote
There are some hurdles for players however which I've already mentioned - the capacity problems that might seemingly lead to a dead end, even though I barely made it without further assistance. It's also a bit difficult for the player to remember where he/she got e.g. a candle when there's need for one, so this might result in travelling around unnecessarily spending valuable action points. An additional inn here and there also wouldn't hurt, e.g. in the western region. I'm also not quite sure when the Swiftsword missions were triggered, because most of the time it was all Stormcloaks missions for me, and no Swiftswords - if I were able to do missions there I could have improved my capacities much faster. But I don't remember exactly when these missions started. But as a matter of fact I did them all when everything else was already done and when I didn't really need the capacities that much anymore...
The Swiftsword quest line is hidden behind a challenge that has a random outcome (that is, if it fails it fails, if it succeeds, there is 2 outcome with probability 50%, one of them being to meet Lombard). I wanted to make it not completely obvious but I'm not sure it's really worth it, and I don't want players to miss the quest line. Not sure what to do here.

Quote
The game mechanics also make some situations look a bit strange. E.g. you can help the sick girl dozens of times, get a bonus out of it, and, well, she never gets better apparently... ;) So yeah, that's not really ideal, but that's difficult to change without altering the whole balance of the game - after all the player needs to do such things a couple of times to improve...
True. But I don't see a good way to propose such grinding gameplay (I need this grinding, otherwise, the game would last 1 week) with enough variety in the situations (avoid to put action of type "fight a wolf" everywhere) while staying believable.

Quote
Question: Is there a way to access the whole texts of the game? Or can you send them to me in a Word file or something? E.g. so that I can see how you changed the Baveras mission etc. There's also room for improvement here and there maybe. For example reading up on Ciosan history in the Astrendum (which is necessary a couple of time) might show different texts, so that the player really learns something (maybe even combined with more pics, see below).
I can't send you the whole text as it is part of the platform and very cumbersome to retrieve everything (they should propose such thing though). I can make you an editor of the game, and then you will have access to the same things as me (and be able to break the game entirely :p)

Quote
BTW: I've updated the Manthrian map now on the site, adding Nolan's Farm in the proper font (see here), so you could use this new version of the map for the Ciosan part, thus making the map look consistent. (If you still see the old version, just refresh.) Nolan's Farm is actually located west of the Klinmor mine BTW...

Awesome. Thanks. Hmmm, the location is not exactly where I was expecting it to be. I'll have to modify a bit the paths I think.

Quote
Also: How about using other pictures from the site directly in the game, like the picture of the Yanth River, Ciosa, Brooding Jepp, Nolan's Farm, the "Welcome to Nolan's Farm" board pic etc. There definitely are a couple that could be used effectively to make some parts of the game graphically attractive. So how about putting some of those in? - If you want I can try to look through what we have so far and make a couple of suggestions where to put what. If we use such pics I assume they should have a width smaller than 510 pixels, as that's the width of the Ciosan map, and it just fits into the frame. I could prepare the pictures that way if you like. We don't have pictures for everything, but at least some key locations and events could be illustrated that way.

Absolutely. If I have your agreement, I can put some pictures which will make it much more pleasant indeed.
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« Reply #38 on: 22 February 2014, 03:29:28 »

Well, as for the texts: Giving me an editor/developer status would be nice, though I wouldn't change anything directly methinks. But it would help to be able to navigate easily through various story threads and texts without having to play through it all and at least get an idea where something could be added, adjusted or improved. And then I'd post the text here or send them to you for your approval and integration.

As for pictures - here a couple obvious ones you could integrate already. Need to think on more... Just make sure to mention the following names at the start of the game to give the artists credit: Faugar (Rafal Hrykiewicz), Reegen (Frank Att), Seeker (Bradly Van Camp), Jordy (Jordy Lakiere), Quellion (Santiago Iborra) and Bard Judith (Judy Alkema).

Just enlarge the pics and look at the file names and you should have an idea where to put them :)
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« Reply #39 on: 22 February 2014, 03:29:59 »

And some more...
« Last Edit: 25 February 2014, 05:19:03 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



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« Reply #40 on: 24 February 2014, 19:49:34 »

Can you send me your username on Storynexus (may be different or not from your character name on the game) ?
I can put you as editor of the game and you will have access to all the test.
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« Reply #41 on: 24 February 2014, 19:55:35 »

Username is Artimidor :)
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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« Reply #42 on: 24 February 2014, 22:07:20 »

Done. You are now an editor of the game. You can refresh your action points as much as you want. Be careful that the game UI also allows you to modify the text directly while playing. It also kind of break any html link set in the text (as clicking it now start the editor rather than send you to the target of the link), but be careful that normal users don't have this strange behavior.

Otherwise, you can click on "Create Your story" at the top panel and select Edit stories from Santharia. Then, you get in a big panel with all the stories sorted by location (the classification I did). let me know if something is not clear.

FYI:
- I have finalized the rewrite of the baveras encounter. Feel free to take a look.
- I have added an option (an expensive option) to re-specialize your character, allowing to avoid to get trap without any way to continue the game.
- I'm adding the picture slowly...
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« Reply #43 on: 25 February 2014, 03:45:50 »

Ok, I can get in and this is really helpful to get the overall picture, Romvinot :)

I checked the Baveras stuff and it looks quite ok now... I took the liberty to edit some minor things to improve a couple of sentences and fix small mistakes here and there. I didn't change anything major, so I hope you don't mind. It's only for a good cause! grin If I'd have major suggestions, updates, changes I'd post them here. If you want I could go through the branches one after the other in the course of the coming weeks and re-read everything again and make sure to fix what still doesn't sound right or where you've missed something. It's easier to correct things directly than post it on the Forum and you have to integrate it later anyway - and as you can see in the changes I posted I don't plan to write something entirely different. Here and there a sentence might need tobe rewritten still, but that's all I would do. So if that would be okay with you I'd try my best to help out there and make things a little smoother.

Anyway, I'm off to look for more pictures now to add here and there - stay tuned!

More pics... Some comments on these images:

The "Rekjin clay pit down" actually shows skeletons, not bodies. In order to integrate the picture it would be necessary to adjust references from bodies to skeletons, e.g. mentioning that the vultures which are also mentioned already feasted on them a good deal...

Another change in the text would be necessary to integrate "Maccom Peak": At the moment it is written that you see over the plains etc. but actually we only have a picture of a peak with a lot of clouds. It somehow fits to the regular Maccom pic however, so maybe changing the text isn't that problematic.

I've also used the pics we have of Marduran to represent Klinsor... Nobody should notice ;) BTW: I've added the Flensery Dock pic in one of the posts as there was still a slot free in the attachments.
« Last Edit: 25 February 2014, 05:21:01 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



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« Reply #44 on: 25 February 2014, 04:56:11 »

And the next four... (There's a four picture limit per post...)
« Last Edit: 25 February 2014, 04:58:26 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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