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Author Topic: And my Muse has snuck up on me again. Urtengor?  (Read 2403 times)
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Xarl
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« on: 24 January 2002, 22:02:00 »
Mastersmith

Smash and clang,
smash and clang
Hiss and steam and smash and clang.

Blessed metal,
Sacred heat
Pounding out a firey beat.

Tap and blow
Tap and blow
Smash and clang and tap and blow.

Holy hammer
deadly strike
Thunder crashes through the night.

Crush and heat
Crush and heat
Tap and blow and crush and heat.

Massive world
Rock and soil
Glowing red from Forge-god's toil.

Hiss and steam
Hiss and steam
Smash and clang and hiss and steam.

As Sorren cools
The new seas gleam
All to honor Ava's dream

Smash and clang,
smash and clang
Hiss and steam and smash and clang.

   So it was in the begining, and so it shall be in the end.

*The inspiration for this tune was a dwarven working song; it has been mercifully truncated by the author and given a more cosmological tone.*

Xarl Bluestride, Archmage of the White Arcana, Master of the Magic Forum, and generally cool guy. All requests are to be written on the back of a ten-dollar bill (or equivelant thereof) placed on a dead ferret, and tossed in the sewer system.
Xarl Bluestride
Owner of the longest sig in Santharia

Edited by: Xarl at: 1/25/02 1:03:59 am
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #1 on: 25 January 2002, 03:07:00 »
(glances at the title)
(shudders)  Oh no!  I was hoping to beat him to it!
(glances again and clicks on the entry, with averted eyes)
(can't bear the suspense and peeks at the poem)
Hmmmm......
(Looks again more carefully)
(in a surprised tone)
Um....well...hmm...
(resentfully admitting that it's got a very authentic ring)
(but still wishing she'd written it first)
It looks good, Xarl.  Good thing you truncated it, as Dwarves are not known for their brevity when it comes to work songs....

Only one nitpick.  The second verse neither rhymes nor scans, while the rest are solid.
'
Sacred metal,
Blessed forge
His work mirrors Foiros' torch.

How about

Blessed metal
Sacred heat
Pounding out a fiery beat

or something similar?

Regards from the Bard (who will translate it into Thergerim Taal once she's home at her own computer, if you like)
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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Xarl
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« Reply #2 on: 25 January 2002, 19:02:00 »
Works, I tinkered with that line for a while. Allow me to make the nessecary corrections.

Xarl Bluestride, Archmage of the White Arcana, Master of the Magic Forum, and generally cool guy. All requests are to be written on the back of a ten-dollar bill (or equivelant thereof) placed on a dead ferret, and tossed in the sewer system.
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Tarquet Galbar
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« Reply #3 on: 25 January 2002, 19:59:00 »
It's CRAP! Utterly AWEFUL! YOU SHOULD DIE FOR THIS!!!!!!!! But, then again, I haven't read it, just wanted to be the first person to outright dislike one of your poems.

Tarquet Galbar,
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Creator of Weavers
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Xarl
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« Reply #4 on: 25 January 2002, 22:26:00 »
Just the principle of the thing, isn't it. (runs off imagining Dwarves working to the tune...)

Xarl Bluestride, Archmage of the White Arcana, Master of the Magic Forum, and generally cool guy. All requests are to be written on the back of a ten-dollar bill (or equivelant thereof) placed on a dead ferret, and tossed in the sewer system.
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Greybark
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« Reply #5 on: 25 January 2002, 22:44:00 »
Reminds me a bit of the song the goblins sang as they dragged Bilbo and Co. deep into the mountain.....

But I like it a lot.......you can almost feel the vibration of metalworking in enclosed spaces......


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Dala Valannia
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« Reply #6 on: 26 January 2002, 04:35:00 »
Hi ho, Hi Ho, it's home from work we go!

That's the most famous Dwarven song I know, hehe :b

*dala having a headache with blurry vision and its making her giddy and saying stupid things*

I think we should nominate Xarl as our official Poet Laureate or something. Oh wait, what about Bard Judith? Can she be our Poetess Laureate then??

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Tarquet Galbar
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« Reply #7 on: 26 January 2002, 22:42:00 »
She's the Head Bard, meaning she can smack Xarl upside the head with an instrument of some sort if she feels he deserves it.

Tarquet Galbar,
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #8 on: 27 January 2002, 05:39:00 »
'Masterbard', please, if you must, but it makes me feel ancient when you use my full title.....

Then again, it might be a real privilege of the order to be able to smack people upside the head.... (thinks for a minute and then glances at her lute)

On third thought, my lute already has a dent from when I had to threaten Koldar severely....mind you, the tone is still quite sweet, but it's got a bit of an edge...

(blinks sweetly at her listeners, then flashes a green-edged glance at them, just to make sure they get the point)




masterbard@poetic.com
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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Capher
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« Reply #9 on: 27 January 2002, 11:06:00 »
:::lol  ::lol  

Capher, Tribes and Races Supervisor Moderator.Wisdom is given to those whom it knows.
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I live to but to serve my Goddess Seyella and Talon Hawke; son, heir and Wizard of the White Tower-defender of the lands and peoples of Caelereth!
Xarl
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« Reply #10 on: 28 January 2002, 16:49:00 »
Getcher new steel-edged lutes, steel lutes! All the beauty of sunlight shimmering on a sword and just as dangerous!
Musical Melee Inc.

Xarl Bluestride, Archmage of the White Arcana, Master of the Magic Forum, and generally cool guy. All requests are to be written on the back of a ten-dollar bill (or equivelant thereof) placed on a dead ferret, and tossed in the sewer system.
Xarl Bluestride
Owner of the longest sig in Santharia

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