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Author Topic: chapter three of "Bood of the Demon"  (Read 2842 times)
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Winlok
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« on: 06 March 2002, 17:32:00 »

g

Edited by: Winlok at: 3/9/02 6:06:16 am
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Capher
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« Reply #1 on: 07 March 2002, 14:39:00 »

This is getting real good. I knew you had it in you Winlock.  Keep it up.

Capher, Tribes and Races Supervisor Moderator.Wisdom is given to those whom it knows.

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I live to but to serve my Goddess Seyella and Talon Hawke; son, heir and Wizard of the White Tower-defender of the lands and peoples of Caelereth!
Winlok
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« Reply #2 on: 07 March 2002, 15:16:00 »

Thanks Capher. I just found out about this forum yesterday from Drogo.  

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Bard Judith
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« Reply #3 on: 09 March 2002, 01:35:00 »

"telegraph station"?????

Ummmm... I have some real problems with this.  As far as I know, no such technological device exists in Santharia.  If you want to send messages over a distance, there ARE some magically-assisted devices...

But we don't have electricity, we don't have wires, we don't have Morse code,  we have no physical need to keep the message in 'telegraph' style.... and frankly, chapter three already has a very Western feel to it, what with the description of the city, the language of the characters ("this here is {name}...") , the bar, and so on.  The 'telegraph office' was the last straw for me! (grins)

Odd, because I really liked Chapter Two, with some minor editorial qualms about grammar and referents, etc.  It was action-packed, well-paced, characterization set up fairly consistently, and quite effectively dramatic.  I can't really put my finger on the differences in word choice and expressions which made Two convincingly 'medieval' or 'fantasy' and Three more like Neogoth Western  (shakes head, frowns)

Anyhow, to get back to my quibble:  Dwarves have Morjualerons - Bat-speakers - who use genetically modified and magically-assisted bat radar to send messages over a long distance.  See the relevant section on the Santharian Dream, under Races: Thergerim.  But it is unique to their culture and they certainly would not operate this outside of their own home caverns - in fact, it's a secret not known to outsiders.  They do have a drum code (which is audible for long distances, so humans in the vicinity would know of it, although they would be unable to decipher it)

Brownies have the Void technology which Whisper the Brownie invented - allows 'windows' into the Void to be used as voice and picture transit mirrors.  I think it might be possible that this technology is 'for sale' - or that Greybark the Brownieracemaster might decide to have Brownies set up "Voidstations" in major towns where humans could indeed purchase a set amount of time to speak their message to another city.... but you'd have to check that with him.

Human mages might be available for hire to send messages magically, but I'm not aware of Farspeaking as a magical ability at this point.  But that would be Xarl's area of expertise, I believe.  Have a look at the Magic forum.

Anyhow, I hope this is taken as constructive, and the suggestions above useful.  

With respect,
Bard Judith

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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Winlok
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« Reply #4 on: 09 March 2002, 12:00:00 »

Thanks Judith, didn't even think of that.

I have three options here.

#1 I can create a sort of pony express, curiour style.

#2 I can have some sort of magical sevice that sends things long distances. the dwarves aren't met until the next chapter, and most of that is done already. If I were to make a reference to the dwarves Morjualerons, that wouldn't be until chapter five. That's just how it goes :)

#3 Or I could do away with it completely and still maintain the integrety of the story. Taking out any reference. etc. this is much harder, but it can be done

*S*

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Greybark
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« Reply #5 on: 09 March 2002, 12:03:00 »

hmmmm.....Voidstations? Quite strange......I'm frankly not sure about this......

What about messenger pigeons or something?


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Edited by: Greybark at: 3/8/02 6:04:42 pm
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #6 on: 09 March 2002, 20:10:00 »

It would have to be an organized system of pigeons, of course...and it would involve couriers anyhow, because pigeons are only one-way.  They have to be brought from A (their home loft) to B and then released from B at some time later with the message to A.  Therefore, a rider or coach would have to have taken the A bird to B in the first place.

So..... since that will take a lot of work to set up, either Winlok has to create this system of intercity communication from scratch BEFORE he continues writing the next chapter... or he makes a casual reference to some magical system by which messages can be sent, and assumes that his character has the money to do so!

Anyhow, sorry to throw the wrench in.  To restate:

Can't use 'telegraph' cause it doesn't exist in this world.
Can't use Morjualerons unless you are REALLY friendly with a dwarf clan, and have been invited down into their caverns.
Can't use Voidstations since the Brownies don't make them available to outsiders either, as far as I can tell from Greybark's response
Could use pigeons if you're willing to do some work after the fact to set up the system... or convince someone else that it's necessary to do so!  We DO need some sort of intercity system of mail and messages, but it hasn't been created yet!
Could use magic if you take the time to explain how in the story and check it with our magic-forum people.
Could do without sending the message altogether, but I don't like to tell you to restructure your story so completely!

Hope that helps, Winlok...and pick an option that lets you get to the next chapter pronto, coz I wanna find out what happens!

Regards from the bard

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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Greybark
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« Reply #7 on: 10 March 2002, 00:08:00 »

hmmmm.....Voidstations (as we seem to be calling them) are difficult to make, and fairly rare. They are normally used for communication with just one place: The Memnoor tribe area, or the school of Brownies, in the Etherial Void. You'd have to know somebody world-changing in order to have access to one.


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Capher
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« Reply #8 on: 10 March 2002, 13:40:00 »

I would suggest Winlock that you either delete the telegraph all together or come up with some other way to long distance communicate.  Of course the "Pony Express" idea is probably the way to go.  Is that not how couriers carried messages back and forth during the middle ages or did they run?  Or both?

The Kyranian tribesmen are known for long distance running, without tiring.  More so than any other known human tribe or other race, except maybe the elves,  But I am not sure on that either.

I'm just rambling.  Forget me.

Capher, Tribes and Races Supervisor Moderator.Wisdom is given to those whom it knows.

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Drogo
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« Reply #9 on: 10 March 2002, 14:00:00 »

I would definately go with a rider based courier system.  I have reference to one in Northern Sarvonia during the Mynian empire, I would imagine that Santharia has one as well, at least for the king's edicts if for no other reason.

Drogo Lord of the North and Places Supervisor May Helvet bring courage to your blade, and Teimor grant death to your enemies

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Winlok
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« Reply #10 on: 11 March 2002, 14:59:00 »

As you can see I have edited the link to chapter three. I am deleting any reference to a telegram, I did some more research and it didn't even come close to existing until centuries later. I am debating on whether to do away with the courier altogether too. The story is set up in such a way that it can be done. If I do use a courier it will be a hynde not so much a horse. They are prevalent in the area of the story, and are just dumb enough to be considered horses.

*S*

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Thuja
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« Reply #11 on: 11 March 2002, 19:10:00 »

:(  :(  :(   My..my..sniff...my hhhhh-hynde are d..d..dd..dumb....wahhhh! :(  :(  :(



The sky is the same color wherever you go.

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Winlok
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« Reply #12 on: 12 March 2002, 00:05:00 »

:(  sowwy!

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