Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: My long verse story: the beginning  (Read 793 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Mutare Serphinroth

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 114

View Profile
« on: 17 November 2002, 09:04:00 »

I started a long verse story basically about a wizard. (I'm not giving stuff away!)

Here's what I've so far written (well, a little further, but this much seems finished as a poem). I don't even have a title for it yet. Artimidor advised me to post it so people might already give me advice and I may fix it early on. Please, comments?

*   *   *

A yellow light danced on the road,
The night was cold and dim. It rained.
An old man on a thin horse strode;
His clothes was rugged, torn, and stained,
His stomach - empty as his purse
For many days, but it’s been worse, -
So man had hope and he rode forth.
Away from South, towards North.
Lark’s whistling rang, though still ‘twas dark,
When old man saw town-lights ahead.
A dog behind the barred gate barked;
Gate-keeper showed his shaggy head.
He looked upon the old man’s horse,
Smirking. His voice came out coarse:
“Here lives enough scum of your state.
Shoo! Fear you’ll choke by my gate!”
The old man, smiling in his hood,
Kindly said: “Thank you. I’m quite well.
Please, let me in, I’ll do you good.”
The gate-keeper’s fat cheeks went swell
And he let out a growling laugh.
“Well, old beggar, on my behalf,
I doubt you’d do me good or bad!
To look at you, you must be mad
To talk and not mess letter’s sense!
A strange old tramp you’re to behold,
But, so be it, at your expense -
If you pay me… five coins of gold,
You may pass and go where you please -
Here in my hand I hold the keys.
As curious as you seem at hand -
You may well have what I demand.

Artimidor Federkiel

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.098

View Profile Homepage
« Reply #1 on: 19 November 2002, 15:44:00 »

Sounds quite promising so far, Mutare, already curious on how it will continue and how long it wil turn out in the end:D

There are some problems here and there I think concerning the usage of too much or too few syllables (e.g. "Away from South, towards THE North" would add a missing syllable) and a bit of ryhming issues (e.g. the last rhyme "hand" and "demand" don't rhyme properly), so I'd check it again in this context a bit.

You always have quite interesting ideas, Mutare, so looking forward to additional verses here:)  

The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...


"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Pages: [1]
Jump to:  

[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Total Members: 1097
Latest: ahlycnlys01
Total Posts: 144684
Total Topics: 11053
Online Today: 13
Online Ever: 580
(07 December 2019, 09:39:18)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 7
Total: 7

Last 10 Shouts:
24 October 2019, 13:31:22
Hi and happy 2019 shoutout from me.
22 February 2019, 06:47:10
A delightful 2019 shout-out to you all ^^
21 November 2018, 23:39:14
Seems none of us can stay away ..
09 March 2018, 23:37:46
Dream goes on as long as there are dreamers my friend.
17 January 2018, 01:23:22
Oh, how I wish we could reawaken the Dream :)
16 January 2018, 11:55:48
Hello everyone!
14 September 2017, 09:40:04
Hello all! It's been a minute since I poked my nose in here. Can't remember if I ever did anything useful.
09 May 2017, 14:17:18
Ah, too bad that internet is so restricted in China, Ferra. Can't be much fun surfing the web that way if Big Brother's watching you... Hope you enjoy your stay nevertheless!
03 May 2017, 17:41:19
Hi, dear Arti and other developers!

This year I am in China and cannot use any Google services including YouTube. For this reason I stopped uploading new Nepris videos. I can also not read any comments there.

It just crossed my mind that this information might be useful to you.


26 March 2017, 12:48:56
Hello to anyone that might read this. :)
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfxgfx gfxgfx