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Author Topic: A wizard's walk  (Read 2282 times)
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Lucirina Telor Vevan
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« on: 26 April 2003, 14:20:00 »

A wizard's walk
(Inspired on the pic with the same name by Jeff)

There is a path that leads to a tavern,
where you get all the pleasures of life.
Where ale flows freely into mugs and goblets
and friendly words greet as you go by.

Oh it is down by the foot of the mountain,
where the cold water runs so clear.
Where the cerubell dances softly
in a breeze of cool night air.

The way there goes over stone and rock,
and under shadows of silver clad trees.
Golden streaks from the shining injr
filtering softly through thousands of leaves.

The injh's song will kindly lead me,
while a fairy tells of the warming sun.
And time will pass fast as I wander,
soon encountering a door will let me in.

A hand lifts to slowly push it open,
so I can enter with tired steps.
A chair and rest I find after the walk
and a ear that will listen to my tale.


From sunrise to sundown I live my life as a song.
Listen to the songbird, don't ignore it.

Edited by: Artimidor Federkiel at: 5/12/03 11:31:26 am
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Dala Valannia
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« Reply #1 on: 28 April 2003, 06:59:00 »

Reminds me of Anaea's tavern :lol  Lovely poem, Lucirina. Especially the end when you get a sense of a journey's end and finally, rest awaits the weary traveller with a story to tell :)  

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Bard Judith
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« Reply #2 on: 29 April 2003, 11:24:00 »

Reminds ME of the poignancy in Tolkien's journey poems - such as "The Road Goes Ever" - or the scribing of the moles in "Duncton Wood"...

Yes, a rich and heart-warming concoction from our Lucirina, which fits the sentiment and colour of the original picture beautifully.

And I will indeed create a plant entry for the vines and a character entry for the wizard himself.  Would you like to give him a name, Lucirina, and make him the official author of the piece? Let's say, "Brandivere Brownbuckle, wizard of the Third Tower (or whatever) and a well-known herbalist and Car'aal manipulator"...

Because it would be nice to have a few more 'researchers' and 'sages' that we can quote and haul out to verify our entries from time to time...  

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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Lucirina Telor Vevan
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« Reply #3 on: 29 April 2003, 12:22:00 »

I would feel honored to name the wizard Judith :)
Umm.. What do you think of Fucius Dalmac, wandering wizard and master herbalist?  


From sunrise to sundown I live my life as a song.
Listen to the songbird, don't ignore it.

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Bard Judith
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« Reply #4 on: 29 April 2003, 19:52:00 »

(starts giggling, then stops in case Luci takes offense...)

 Er.....Any name that starts with FUC is probably best avoided, Luciriana! :p     And the 'ius' ending might be a bit too cold-sounding and Latinate...

(thinks for a second)

How about combining our two suggestions ;)  and calling him
Dalmac Brandivere, wandering wizard and master herbalist?

I like that description, and the name sounds warm and rather grandfatherly, like the picture!


 

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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Aylix Goth
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« Reply #5 on: 30 April 2003, 08:29:00 »

*:lol  Judith*

*nods in agreement abouth the name*

I like... and I like the poem too like I told you on msn Luci ^_~

~Aylix

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Lucirina Telor Vevan
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« Reply #6 on: 30 April 2003, 10:24:00 »

That sounds like an exelent idea Judith... it does indeed have a rather granfatherly sound over it.

And Judy dearest... name is Lucirina... only one a there :P

*Spots Aylix and pounces him*
Myyyyy Ayliiiiix....gollum gollum


From sunrise to sundown I live my life as a song.
Listen to the songbird, don't ignore it.

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Aylix Goth
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« Reply #7 on: 30 April 2003, 16:32:00 »

*yelps and runs but is pounced from behind* eeeep!

                                           
     
       

~*Aylix Firehawk*~
         ~*My Journal*~

     
   
     
   
                             
     
   
     
   
     
       
   

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Rayne (Alr)
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« Reply #8 on: 02 May 2003, 18:08:00 »

"Oh it is down by the foot of the mountain."
"filtering softly through the thousands of leaves."

I really like the imagery, Lucirina! It's really pretty!

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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #9 on: 05 May 2003, 13:24:00 »

I have always difficulties with non-rhyming poems, but I try my luck anyway in some slight improvements.

Note: Especially at the use of genitives I'd think twice at poems, e.g.

The song of the injh will lead me
doesn't sound as poetic as
The injh's song will lead me

I'd say, and especially two "of the" genitives put together aren't ideal in a poem like

while a fairy tells of the song of the sun

Therefore I suggest a bit of rewrite in such cases (see below).

I'd adjust the poem slightly in general so that the line length differences are not that extreme. It often helps to recite every verse several times aloud, then you get a better feeling that some lines are too long/short etc. Proposal:

There is a path that leads to a tavern,
where you get all the pleasures of life.
Where ale flows freely into mugs and goblets
and friendly words greet as you go by.

Oh it is down by the foot of the mountain,
where the cold water runs so clear.
Where the cerubel dances softly
in a breeze of cool night air.

The way there goes over stone and rock,
and under shadows of silver clad trees.
Golden streaks from the shining injr
filtering softly through () thousands of leaves.

The injh's song will kindly lead me,
while a fairy tells of the warming sun.
(You said a singing sun? BTW: Song is already in

And time will pass fast as I wander,
soon encountering a door of elderly wood.
(this line doesn't fit at all for me, cause "wood" stops the pace completely, at least this is my impression)

A hand lifts to slowly push it open,
so I can walk in with tired steps.
A chair and rest I find after the walk
and a ear that will listen to my tale.[/i]  


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Edited by: Artimidor Federkiel at: 5/4/03 8:27:07 pm
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Lucirina Telor Vevan
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« Reply #10 on: 08 May 2003, 10:47:00 »

I like the changes and I worked around the door thing, I do hope it sounds right now


From sunrise to sundown I live my life as a song.
Listen to the songbird, don't ignore it.

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