* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Author Topic: The Bleu Fey  (Read 5251 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Dirty DaVinci
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 51


View Profile
« on: 28 June 2003, 10:25:00 »

New Version.  Changed text, made clearer some points, such as how the dolls got around.  

Title:  The Bleu Fey

Sequestered deep within the indelible nation of Anis-Anpagan, exists an unexplained  dilemma of life, of sentience.  A small, uniquely peculiar entourage of wooden pilgrims that trekked the majestic lands, sometimes bedding down in one region for a time before wanderlust ushered them towards a newer horizons.  It was a cycle of existence based on the predisposition of true naivety and curiosity.

With no accurate measure of time, it may have been over half-a-century ago when an ambitious and inexperienced neophyte, a young lackey schooled by a lesser cabal of enchanters, attempted to bond his essence with a small, personal trinket, just like his master whom he observed as the elder practiced the enduring, painless ritual.  It was an accepted measure taken by almost all of the sect’s older spellcasters, designed to protect their spirit force should it ever become separated prematurely from its body.  Realizing the benefit of such a practice, the young mage made took an ill-fated decision.  With a quick, lusterless study of the ritual’s basic structure from his master’s archaic tome, without any formal instruction or oversight, he committed to memory the overall ceremony.  And just a recklessly, he stole several essential components, neglecting  their necessitated preparation due to his haughty attitude and haste to savor what he fathomed was a form of immortality.  To round out his badly designed plans, the young man chose to exercise the ritual during a day that was marred by a localized, city riot that broke out violently after the small city underwent a prolonged shortage of grain, ale and lumber.  With the ritual badly studied, materials unprepared and a near obsessive state of mind, the young mage began the ceremony in his personal abode as city dwellers took the street in a violent state of rage.  At a crucial junction during the spellcasting, his concentration was utterly destroyed when several rioters haphazardly broke into his home and personal study, looking for illicit possessions to gather and trade with caravans in exchange for bread and drink.  Had he prepared the components as previously established by the cabal’s dogmatic practices, he would have been sparred the consequences of the intrusion.  Unfortunately, the magical components were excessively charged by the swirling energies the neophyte had not yet fully comprehended, and suddenly they ignited with an explosive result, destroying the bodies of not just the young sorcerer but also those of the thieves, along with most of the stone and wood home.  The conjurer and hoodlums were physically removed from their plane of existence, leaving only small parts of their spirits and souls behind.  At the same moment, a nearby toyshop owner was fighting for his own safety, swinging his bronze hammer and slashing with his blunt chisel in a desperate attempt to defend his life and property, with a miniscule measure of success.  Though the blast from the adjacent mage’s study distracted him and his assailants long enough to momentarily stop their struggle, none were clear minded enough to spot the almost transparent motes of light and oil sheen that emerged from the stone walls of the shop.  With surprising speed the motes flew towards the general direction of the shop owner and his attackers.  But fate caused the store owner to lose his grip on his hammer with an overhead swing, sending it flying into an overhead display from which hung a large number of completed and partially finished wooden creations.  Several of his prize workings, wooden dolls strengthened by soft magic, were knocked down and these intercepted the motes of light as they flew, somehow absorbing them into the wooden bodies of the mannequins.  And stripped of his hammer by his savage swing, the shop owner was rendered unconscious and his wares stolen.  Now merged and bound with the wooden dolls, the half souls began an their unexpected journey.

Later during that night, as the city rioted and local watchmen tried cooling tensions and subduing rioters, the small band of cutpurse teenagers that ransacked the toyshop were caught unawares, forced to drop their bags as they ran into the dark alleyways looking for shelter from the local militia.  A few minutes later, from those same bags emerged eight small, curious mannequins.  Seven humanoids composed of two females figures and five apparent males, along with one roughly carved, hinged cat saw the shadowy walls of a city lunged into civil unrest.  As they unintentionally studied their surroundings, the newly transferred sentience of the young mage and attackers fully exploded into a primal, basic state awareness.  Having been formed from shattered, magically unformed souls, the dolls each possessed a true spirit, but only a fraction of it still human.  The magic that took the young magician’s life altered the souls of those involved, making them more primal, basic in thought and need.  So each puppet was born with the level of curiosity and innocence akin to that of a small child, lacking severely in foresight or logic.  Yet, they were aware enough to detect the potential danger, so they clumsily slinked down the alleyway, coming upon a small faction of elves who came into town the day before to buy supplies, eventually trapped in the city during the clash.  Carefully, the mannequins sequestered themselves into a young adult’s backpack, feeling momentarily protected in the sealed sack.  Accompanying the small elven group as they made their escape out of the city and back to their own traveling troupe, the wooden mannequins managed to escape the ravaged district and consequently became quiet members of the caravan.  

Long since disbanded, the caravan was a performing troupe of human gypsies and a few elves numbering at least forty members.  For the puppets, it was a completely new environment, very unlike the city they were birthed from.  Emerging from the backpack as the caravan went to sleep, the puppets were inexorably drawn to those carriages containing small children or infants.  For the following years, inaudibly and with eerie precision, the puppets lived within and off the different wagons of the gypsy caravan, passing off as the childrens’ toys during the day, fascinated by the human’s interaction with their setting as they moved from mountainous regions to rolling plains to established settlements and back again. During the night, when all slept the puppets would congregate outside, forming their own traveling troupe, going through the same routines the humans practiced during the daylight hours.  And though some of the younger children adamantly insisted on the ‘moving dolls’, their parents dismissed them as flights of fancy by mischievous boys and girls.  

The figurines somehow emulated their gigantic caravan mates, learning daily and nightly tasks through observation and repetition, executing them perfectly, but without a logical understanding of why.  What they saw, they did, without question on a nightly basis.  As expert hunters, they would steal into the night to hunt savage twigs, bushes and leaves, bringing them back to their makeshift camp to then ‘eat’ over a small campfire.  Of course, none of the dolls ever considered trying an actual open fire, since one of the smaller puppets quickly learned from a previous encounter with a candle that the yellow flames left strange, brown scars on his chest if he got to close.  He apparently didn’t appreciate the black smoke his body gave off, either.  So they would hunt, dance and strum leaves as guitars, then stare in silent, symbolic vigil at the flameless, small mounds of rocks and twigs arranged for a campfire and spit every night, motionless and only breaking camp in the early morning hours before the caravan would wake.  

But their innocent emulation evolved into accompanying idolization.  With time, the dolls began dressing like some of the more influential caravan members, creating make shift trousers, jerkins, rope belts and even sticking small, sharpened slivers of wood to their heads in honor of the elven ears they’ve come to appreciate.  A few began to develop quasi personifications.  Both females, a complete 10-inch high, polished redwood doll and a rough, 11-inch high maple doll, began noticing that the humans with similar body types to them would wear shiny things on their heads, arms and necks.  Through imitation they took to putting shine pieces of metal over their bodies, such as blunt arrowheads worn as earrings, both seemingly locked in an ironic contest of vanity.  Two of the male dolls, both 8-inches high and partially finished in white-wood with square, thick feet and full of knots, became inseparable like the twin girls they housed with, always together and sharing in all the nightly activities.  With inhuman patience, the twins accumulated the shedding brunette hair of the eight year old girls, and with the sticky sap collected from trees, they made lengthy, grimy, knotted-up wigs for themselves.  The remaining male dolls, from a foot in length to six inches in height, did not prescribe any obvious personality traits, sometimes dressing up but not to the degree of the other puppets.  The cat, though, spent most of its personal time looking at the moon, throwing back its head in imitation to the howling of the caravan’s own pit bull.  It was not unusual for the cat to haul a stick of wood on its back and leave it in front of the dog while it slept.  It only knew that the masters did that often with the dog when it was awake, throwing and waiting for its return.  At times, it would balance its body on hind legs, futility marching forward only to fall almost immediately.  And though the parents were amused at their children’s dressing up of the wooden puppets, they were surprised with the attention of detail that some of the younger children displayed.  Of course, they were not happy with the children’s insistence that they dolls dressed themselves.  

Eventually, the caravan’s roving group came to settle down in a small city in the northern region of Anis-Anpagan, most of the elves heading off west and the humans staying behind.  But the small pilgrims quickly felt the lack of travel.  They remembered another stony forest, the city of their birth, but it was not what they knew.  Out of wanderlust, fow weeks they began exploring routinely on their own during the night, traveling through sewer ways and quiet passages shrouded in deep shadows, often striking out in a random direction as the catlike doll normally took lead.  One day, the wooden feline moved towards the merchant’s district, a rich, prosperous sector of the town.  Through an open sewer intake they crept.  And through sheer luck, for good or bad, the small pilgrims stumbled into an old, extensive stone venting system integrated into the sewer ways, used by several established businesses and public forums, including a large pub, a few successful houses of worship,  multitudes of merchant warehouses and, most importantly, a well organized underground thieves guild who had a strangle hold on the vicinity.  Coming close upon the thieves guild, the mannequins found a large crack in the stone blocks, exposing substrate bedrock that had opened from a one foot hole into a natural fissure measuring over ten feet in length and high enough for all the dolls to maneuver freely.  Unabashed by their find, the wooden creations decided to once again to honor their old caravan mates’ traditions by making their own domicile in the stony venting system.  In continued tribute, they bonded sticks with mud and clay to make miniature chairs, tables and beds and other furniture.  And though the items normally wouldn’t hold their weight, they always attempted to use them, even though the small explorers didn’t know what fatigue was, nor would they ever.    

Since they continued their habit of exploring during the night, the city offered nocturnal activities they would appreciate with a degree of interest.  Within a few short months, the puppets had begun to directly emulate their new surroundings once more, with a stronger degree of influence over their own bodies and consciousness.  Some of the mannequins even took on ‘names’, innovating ways of introducing themselves with the others.  One of the females, the finished redwood doll, and two of the males, had continuously spied and observed the workings of the thieves guild with regularity, studying the laws and procedures of gainful larceny through cracks and vents in the guild’s walls.  And like once before, they began to dress in a like manner, shedding their elven ears, wearing dark, leather jerkins, black trousers and cloaks from scraps of clothing they would find in the sewer system.  Strapped on their backs would be pilfered lockpicks or twine ropes.  They couldn’t understand where the humans managed to find so many shiny things, but the female was greatly intrigued by the mystery of it all, somehow inducing the two males, the smallest doll and a twin, into learning the stealing techniques with greater efficiency.  Surprisingly, they became very proficient, initiating their own quasi-guild by consistently  taking nearly worthless items from the thieves themselves, such as low value coins, cheap trinkets and a few small, easily replaceable tools.  The redwood female had begun to relate immensely with a snide guild member, a human male with a red beard, scarred face and sporting a large, bronze eye patch.  It became a true worshipping on her part.  Since the magic which created her would heal damage to her body, she would daily etch into her own face, cutting out a makeshift beard. And with a similar zeal she would wear a large medallion strapped onto her face, simulating the human’s singular eye patch.  In the quiet moments of their evenings, she would sneak up on one of the other puppets, with a twig held overhead like a dagger and running it along the unaware puppet’s back, only to immediately  point to the medallion on her face and sit next to them to observe their sometimes still honored tradition of a fireless open campsite set up inside the cavern.

The smaller male, a six-inch tall, smooth cut maple figurine began to copy another human himself.  A roguish monk who originally arrived from another continent, he was escaping persecution for his free practice of assassination.  And though his personal training was different from the other guild members, the mannequin was mostly interested in his habit of picking up tiny, shiny star-like pieces of metal that he would throw at practice targets.  So when the opportunity presented itself, the doll stole one of these throwing stars.  And in an accident that the others cannot understand, he managed to get his two-inch thick waist through the one-inch hole of the throwing star.  To make his appearance even more ridiculous, he also began to wear a  dark, blood red bandana, just like the monk.  Unfortunately, the cloth  would stretch down to his waist, covering the upper half of his body.

Two of the other males, through lone movements among the sewer systems, came upon two completely places, and thus, different personalities.  One doll had taken up the role of a beggar he spotted on the surface.  Always in the same location, the old man was covered from head to foot in a torn, ragged and soiled cloth, with outstretched hand, rattling a cup to all those who passed nearby.  The puppet was confused as to why sitting and holding a cup would get him things from people, but the cup never filled to the top completely.  Finding and salvaging an actual large, wooden soap bowl from the lower sewer system, he managed to drag it back to his lair, setting it near the back wall of the fissured cavern.  He has spent all his time in the cup, having it filled with his own body.  And when the other dolls passed, he’d hold up his poorly chiseled hand and rattle his body, expecting things to be thrown in.  Eventually, he was buried under a continuous bed of stolen cloths, soiled twigs, small rocks and trinkets, his little hand erupting from the mash of items and rattling the whole stack when others walk by.  To the detriment of the others, another of the male dolls, similar in construction to that of the beggar but two inches higher, studied the soft, flowing movement of a tavern wench with the habit of standing on the bar and dancing for hours late at night after cleaning all the mugs and tables once the patrons left.  Because of him, the table and beds would never lasts for more than a day or two before collapsing under the weight of his body as he danced.                

While most learned the new skills of the night life or alleyways, the uncompleted maple female and the other twin found their way into one of local houses of worship, via the venting duct, having entered the building through a basement grate.  They were drawn by the echo of the repetitive chanting and singing.  The shiny offerings to the sky turned into focal point for the female.  Both took to wearing white and soft blue cloths intertwined with green strings, miniature sacral robes that draped over their whole bodies, sometimes getting in their way and underfoot as they tried walking.  The female also carried a tin thimble she found, which she often filled with sewer water every morning, lifted to the sky and then ‘drank’ from, always spilling the sewage over herself and eventually leaving a darkened stain on her robe.  The male, having witnessed a large variety of ceremonies, decided to follow another human tradition.  He knew she was attracted to shiny objects, so he silently offered her a loop of bright, bronze wire irregularly cut and twisted, tightening it onto her left hand.  Thereafter, he spent nearly all his time in her presence instead of with his twin, always giving her assistance.  Shortly afterwards, she just as easily reciprocated with one her old arrowhead earrings, turned into a necklace he never abandoned.  In passing one of the other dolls, the couple would often point to the male’s right leg, which he would lift to expose the name “Arielia” roughly etched into the underside of his foot.  

The most enigmatic puppet, and the smallest, the feline noticed the human need of placing mushy, strange stuff into their mouths.  During an excursion, the feline came upon some rotting food supplies in the pub, and immersed itself deep into the putrid material without a care.  The local rats, following the scent eventually took to trusting the feline, licking it clean every time it came back caked in meat and sweets.  In exchange, they would allow the small wooden beast to chase them down the vents and sewer ways, though it would never catch up because of its clumsy, harsh form.  There were nights when it lifted its misshapen head to the sky, as if missing the open night and the brilliant moonshine.

The true cycle of habitation came into full circle when the religious duo assumed the habit humans had of giving things to the church, who would then in turn give those items and monies to other humans, freely!  So, while the thieving puppets would drop most of their procured items into the beggar’s stack, drawn to his obstinate shaking, the duo would sift through the heap, pull out items and then deposit them into the church charity box late in the night, traveling through the venting system and cracks when the clergy were resting.  Their operation quickly encompassed the households around the holy building, then random houses in the district, as long as small children dwelled within.  The feline helped on more than one occasion, probably looking for its chance to experience the open night air once more.

The children of varied city sectors have wished for a visit from the “bleu fey”, sometimes seen walking the window sills of small homes as they dropped trinkets unto the beds and cribs of young children.  Other children have been blessed by the sight of a silently howling, deformed fairy dog with raised head towards the moon, disappearing softly into the night soon afterwards.  Most small boys and girls have learned how to make simple stick dolls covered in a white and blue cloth, their own fairies that are put over their beds when they sleep, then stored in small boxes during the day.  Sometimes, items would appear not on the beds, but next to these small creations themselves.    

Thieves, as well as some other adults, have another name for these mysterious gremlins of exploits that have taken their tools of trade, a word used to imply irresponsibly misplaced equipment more than stolen fares.  But etiquette prevents adults from ever repeating the word in front of children…

Edited by: Dirty DaVinci at: 7/1/03 23:29
Logged
Smith in Exile
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 4
Offline Offline

Posts: 964



View Profile
« Reply #1 on: 28 June 2003, 17:44:00 »

well, only my opinion, but i think it sounds good :)  

There are though a few things that need to be edited.
There are no elves in Anis-Anpagan. No orcs either. No dwarves. Just humans. This is actually a feature in Nybelmar, there are few cosmopolitan nations or cities. Hmmm... well, Korweyn is, and it's bordering Anis-Anpagan, but I'm not sure if there should be any elves here.

If we take this story for Anis-Anpagan I will have to describe their religious acvtivities according to what you say here :)  which is fine, I can imagine them like this. Though the colour of the robes could be different. Purple is heavily used by Murmillions also, so maybe we should change it for Anis-Anpagan... Hmmm... I don't know yet, exactly...

The creation of the dolls is an accident as you put it, so there is no need for working on a spell or a "school" of magic focused on animating things. Thus we should avoid the problems stated in the other thread. (Nevertheless a magic system or overview could be needed for Nybelmar.)

So I think if there is more to work on your text this would be the "spot": the creation of dolls. For now it's seems fine for me but it's only a first reading.
Otherwise, I like it as it is now: a fairytale, an element of Anis-Anpagan culture. Oh, and definetely the story is written such as from an Anpagan's citizen :)

Now if everybody else agrees with placing this story here, I will also try to integrate it (that is to make some comments about it, quote it, perhaps even some interpretations), but as such, it could "standalone" in the Library section (imho).

PS. oh, uh... and that "twenty two years ago", it doesn't quite work, doesn't fit with the fairytale style of the text. It's too precise.

Logged
Dirty DaVinci
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 51


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: 30 June 2003, 15:58:00 »

Got it, I'll make the changes.  But what would the religious changes be?  I mean, the robe colors, copied procedures, etc?  And I'll revise the part on the doll's actual moment of creation.  Also, I'm going to include a few more quirks to the dolls, personalizations, if you will.  

Logged
Smith in Exile
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 4
Offline Offline

Posts: 964



View Profile
« Reply #3 on: 01 July 2003, 03:07:00 »

Well, I don't know yet about religion as actually I haven't started to actually write anything on Anis-Anpagan. So, basically, you should have little "restrictions" here. The colour thing was just a thought (I am thinking that two "purple" nations on the same continent is not quite an inspired thing :) )

Logged
Dirty DaVinci
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 51


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: 01 July 2003, 10:14:00 »

Hehe.  Gotcha.  I'll utilize another color, then.  

Logged
Dirty DaVinci
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 51


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: 01 July 2003, 13:43:00 »

Got it, Silfer.  Done!  Thanks.

Edited by: Dirty DaVinci at: 6/30/03 23:55
Logged
Silfer Darkflare
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 1
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2.477



View Profile
« Reply #6 on: 01 July 2003, 15:02:00 »

Please, edit your post in this thread, do not post new versions on a new post. Thanks.


Logged

Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #7 on: 02 July 2003, 12:32:00 »

Ok, just read it, and a few comments from my side:

In generally it looks fine and enjoyable, though it definitely needs some polishing here and there:

a) Title. We need a proper title for the story.

b) References. A few references do not fit, e.g. words like "police" or also "church". "Police" doesn't sound medieval at all and I don't know what kind of religion there exists in Anis-Anpagan, but church sounds very Christian to me. Also: is "shuriken" a Santharian word? Or is it based on a culture of this world? (Interesting BTW, that yourdictionary.com doesn't find the word at all and thus can't tell me. Is it spelled correctly?)

c) Tenses. Also e.g. "which he now wears religiously as a personal necklace" suddenly is present tense or "As of late, the redwood doll has noticed something unusual in her items" (complete paragraph), this shifting in tenses seems not appropriate. There are several passages which suddenly are not past tense and make the reading confusing. Better stick to past tense, and at the end write something like "children still claim to see them etc." to have the reference to the presence.

d) People realizing the Puppets. Well, I'm not entirely sure if I missed that somehow upon reading, but how can the puppets actually observe everything, e.g. in the "church" etc. without being noticed (can they hide and play dead puppet that easily)? Do people notice their "living" existence somehow? Do they only move at night, e.g. because they have made certain experiences? How much interaction do they really have with people? Wouldn't interaction make people aware of them?

e) The Spell. The spell part is a bit vague. If I got it right, then the bodies were seperated from the spirits of the caster and the rioters. The way you wrote it, it looks like a spirit without body is suddenly "dumb" (cause the puppets obviously know nothing at all and simply imitate other people) and there is also no conciousness of self, no memory etc. This is quite strange if you ask me - "ghosts" for example are supposed to be spirits as well, but spirits with memory, form and a purpose. This is all not there in this story, and I think the explanation of why the spirits are suddenly "dumb" isn't given properly.

f) Fairly Tale Direction. I would also suggest to work a bit more in the fairy tale direction here and there. If you want to put it in the Santharian library, it actually is a tale already, and should not contain parts where you talk about that it has developed to a tale (see last but one paragraph).


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Dirty DaVinci
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 51


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: 02 July 2003, 13:02:00 »

Got it.  I will need the name of the religions of the region (or can I invent the name of a particular religious house?)  I mean, if I can't use church, other names like mosques or synogogues wouldn't work either since they imply other modern religions.  "Shuriken" is vernacular for a throwing star.  I'll change the name.  Also, I'll repair the tenses.  I noticed that but since I was going through a working draft I figured I would repair it near the end.  As for the interaction, you're right once again.  Let me give some explanation on their way of locomotion and interaction with people.  As for the spell part, I guess my scientific training kind of kicked into the analysis of it.  A spirit doesn't necessarily mean intelligence.  Intelligence is part of an organic structure instead of a spiritual vehicle.  But for this purpose, a half soul could be implied, instead.  An incomplete intelligence reduced to a primal state (de-evolved).  I'll make the changes and repost it in a few.  Thanks!

Logged
Smith in Exile
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 4
Offline Offline

Posts: 964



View Profile
« Reply #9 on: 02 July 2003, 14:36:00 »

You could let me worry about the "dumb soul" part as I could make that coherent in an Anis-Anpagan context. Actually as Anis-Anpagan is a nation forged by an exiled Korweynian we could find similiarties. And I am thinking here at the new table of elements that Koldar proposes for Korweyn. That's a strong point and I think it should be captured in Anis-Anpagan views also. (not copied though!) So you can check out the drafts in the cosmology section.
As a fairytale this story doesn't need to develop in a "scientifical" or "philosophical" essay about animating things. It's just a fairytale about a strange sort of puppets. The coherence I'll try to offer when writing the entries on Anis-Anpagan.
I was perfectly ok with the use of church. Even if it may sound christian, the word could get a santharian meaning resulting from the religious beliefs that we may accept for this nation. I would like it to stay (the word "church")...
shurikens... hmmmm... I know what those are, but as we kept words like "sword" or "battle-axe" I think we can keep "shurikens" as well. With the condition to make a special entry for the weapons section.

Logged
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #10 on: 02 July 2003, 14:47:00 »

We have an equivalent to the shurikens I guess (or at least something quite similar):

"Moondeath
A R'unorian medium range thrown weapon. Consists of a metal ring, approximately 10 or so cm in diameter where the outer edge is sharpened finer than a razor and often is given gruesome claw-like serrations. One or two cross pieces, normally either wood or metal, cross the center of the ring and provide a safe place to grip the disk when throwing or carrying it. Moondeaths are usually crafted in such a manner as that they do not fly straight but in a circular fasion, some - in case they don't embed into some poor chap's skull (or a wall) - will return within catching distance of the thrower. Moondeaths are common tools of elite assassins and mercenary organizations as well as the higher tiers of R'unorian military rank."


As for church: Well, I guess David Eddings also uses a "church" in his books. If the word can be used in English in another context as well, then we could have such an organisation, but you should be aware of that: A church is a much stronger hierarchical "organisation" than Santharian beliefs for example.


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Smith in Exile
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 4
Offline Offline

Posts: 964



View Profile
« Reply #11 on: 02 July 2003, 14:54:00 »

I perfectly agree with that... I was thinking to give this nation an "alchemical" kind of "magic" so churches would fit, I think... well, it's nothing settled, but I guess you can trust me on this? we will discuss these problems more in detail when I'll do those entries anyway...

Logged
Silfer Darkflare
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 1
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2.477



View Profile
« Reply #12 on: 02 July 2003, 14:58:00 »

Change curch to temple, what is the big deal?

I also agree with Art that this is a little of a crosspver between a fairytale and a compendium entry... stick to one of them. I won't comment on the story itself until I am certain which direction you take.

On souls, spirits, and the rest of that: If this is a fairytale, it doesn't have to stick with santharian spell regulations (I am the unofficial, but picky magic mod, btw) . However, if this is to be regarded as a compendium entry (influencing the magic of the region etc.) then this "spell" and the spirit transfer thing is way off. If you make this a large-influencing thing, I will give more comments on the matter. (And if I somehow don't, be sure that Rayne will-she is as picky as I am (and that is a good thing))

Shurikens are as far as I know throwing weapons, and the Moondeath is quite usable.


Logged

Dirty DaVinci
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 51


View Profile
« Reply #13 on: 02 July 2003, 15:21:00 »

Just some editing.  Smith, sent you a new copy.  

Edited by: Dirty DaVinci at: 7/1/03 23:35
Logged
Dirty DaVinci
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 51


View Profile
« Reply #14 on: 02 July 2003, 16:28:00 »

Well, that was strange!  The last posts by Smith, Silfer and Art didn't show till right after I posted the edited version! *LOL*  Hey, it happens.  Anyway, new version up and loaded.  I made the change of 'church' to house of worship, and changed shuriken to moondeath.  

In the essence transfer, the whole is intended on being a freak accident and not made to become a compendium entry with a new spell technique.  I don't want to complicate matters for anyone, not like that.  

Now, what really has me a bit confused is the crossover between compendium entry and fairy tale.  I'm still new so I can't exactly tell the fine line between both.  From what I have read on some of the other myths in the library, an explanation leading to the current events have been made, setting a basis for the fairy tale.  I thought I had done the same here, but my wording is probably way off, as usual.  Would it be better I omit most of the past of these dolls, make the whole shorter, and just put down the current exploits of the dolls?  What ever you guys think is best.

Logged
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest: lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144586
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 26
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 16
Total: 16

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx