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Author Topic: A bit of poetry  (Read 1579 times)
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Valannia Incendarious
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« on: 03 January 2004, 17:56:00 »

The Winters Breeze

When winters breeze goes dashing
It does some magical things.
It gives the shadows dancing shoes
It lends the glistening snow wings
When winters breeze goes dashing.  

It curls the hearths tail of smoke
And shares a small whispered joke.
With pines delighting in prattle
Lifting their cones to a rattle
When winters breeze goes dashing.


I know it is but a small poem but was inspired by Artis ever cascading snowflakes. ~Bows gracefully and departs~

~~Tears fall but why am I crying? After all I am not afraid of dieing.~~

Edited by: Artimidor Federkiel at: 1/24/04 16:02
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Lucirina Telor Vevan
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« Reply #1 on: 03 January 2004, 20:50:00 »

A nice little poem Val.. and its true that the everlasting blizzard our dear webmaster has sed on the dev boards is inspiring.
I have a slight problem wit the rythm thu... maybe look it over.




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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #2 on: 03 January 2004, 22:26:00 »

Let's see.. Luci mention the Rhythm, so let's scan the meter, ne?

/ = Unstressed
U = Stressed

__/___U__/____U____/____U__/ (7 syllables)
When winters breeze goes dashing
/__U___/____U_/__/__U (7 syllables)
It does some magical things.
/__U___/___U__/____U__/___U (?) (8 syllables)
It gives the shadows dancing shoes
/___U___/__U_/__/___U___U (8 syllables)
It lends the glistening snow wings
__/___U__/____U____/____U__/ (7 syllables)
When winters breeze goes dashing.

/__U___/___U___U__/___U (7 syllables)
It curls the hearths tail of smoke
__/___U___/__U____U__/____U (7 syllables)
And shares a small whispered joke.
__/___U___/__U_/__/__U_/ (8 syllables)
With pines delighting in prattle
/__U___U___/___/___/_U__U__/ (9 syllables)
It turns pinecones to minute rattles
__/___U__/____U____/____U__/ (7 syllables)
When winters breeze goes dashing.


You remain pretty consistent until that 9-syllable line, so you may consider that. You might also think about chosing a kind of meter (iams, dactyls, etc.) that you want to write in for this poem, but that can be rather difficult. ^_^; In any case, I think it's very well done. I hope to see more poems from you in the near future. ^_^

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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Valannia Incendarious
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« Reply #3 on: 04 January 2004, 14:41:00 »

Thank you both for helping me with this. I know very little of poetry outside I do like reading it. If one of you would be so kind as to look it over again and let me know if this edit is better. I would be very grateful :hug  

~~Tears fall but why am I crying? After all I am not afraid of dieing.~~

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #4 on: 08 January 2004, 17:20:00 »

Yeah, it's small, but lovely:)

I think the adjustment makes this line work now as well, so I guess we have another one for our Poems of Nature's page next update - and your first contribution for the site, Valannia, so congrats! :D  


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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