Welcome
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
Did you miss your
activation email?
1 Hour
1 Day
1 Week
1 Month
Forever
Notifications & Notes
Dreamer's Code
Bellring a Member
Report Mistakes/Typos
Report Easter Eggs
Masterplans/Projects
About Masterplans
Santhworld: Program
SW.: Game Designer
SW.: Treasure Shoals
SW.: Lorehold
SW.: Nepris
SW.: Trivia
Santharia: Manthria
Nybelmar: Zhunite Pl.
Sarvonia: Icelands
Dev Maps
World Map Overview
Distances in Caelereth
Climate Map of Sarvonia
Continent: Aeruillin
Continent: Akdor
Continent: Cyhalloi
Continent: Nybelmar
Continent: +Details NE
Continent: +Details NW
Continent: +Details SE
Continent: +Details SW
Continent: +Politics
Continent: Sarvonia
Lands: Icelands
Lands: +Tribes
Lands: Caael'heroth
Lands: Iol Peninsula
Lands: Kanapans
Lands: Kuglim Lands
Kingdom: Santharia
Kingdom: +Ancient
Kingdom: +Provinces
Kingdom: +Rivers
Kingdom: +Routes
Details: Manthria
Details: Vardýnn
Details: Ráhaz-Dáth
Details: Silvermarshes
Entry Templates
Create Beasts
Create Plants
Create Races/Tribes
Create People
People Nomenclature
Create Places
Create Gods, Myths...
Create Spells/Magic
Create Library Entries
Create Misc. Stuff
Picture Resources
Reserving Resources
Arbaon Pictures
Bard Judith Pictures
Eratin Pictures
Faugar Pictures
Grunok's Pictures
Ingeborg Pictures
Isilhir Pictures
Koldar Pictures
Linda Tso Pictures
Quellion Pictures
Quellion Pictures II
Shayan's Pictures
Seeker Pictures
Sheil Pictures
Sheil Pictures II
Language Additions
Proverbs & Sayings
Styrásh (Elvish)
Thergerim (Dwarvish)
Kuglimz'Seitre
Kh'omchr'om (Orcish)
Trollish
Santharian Development
 
Forum
 
Santharian World Development
 
The Santharian Library
 
Untilted - Eyasha-ie poem
Pages: [
1
]
Author
Topic: Untilted - Eyasha-ie poem (Read 961 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Rayne (Alýr)
Dreamress
Santh. Member
Gained Aura: 117
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 4.466
Untilted - Eyasha-ie poem
«
on:
26 March 2004, 00:12:00 »
Pretty standard.. abcb rhyme.. tetramtet, trimeter, tetrameter, trimeter... I didn't really do much with the meter, So it's kind of blah in that sense. I hadn't created a poem for a long time. No, no, no.. I mean just a poem on it's own, not for an entry (for all those people who are looking at me funny after looking at the Resonance Dragon entry. ^_^;; ).
Still Need a name. Help!
Untitled
The canopies gently rustle
With whispers of night.
Utengor’s pale moon sails above
In clouds it makes alight.
Far away is Foiros’ light
And distant are my dreams.
Sloping hillsides slumber soundly
Around the sleepy streams.
The darkling world is soft at peace;
But I am here, alone
Without a hope, without a pray’r
Or star to call my own.
Fatal desires churn in veins,
Though rage is boiled away,
To break my fragile mind and heart,
Never again see day.
And so hungry seem these shadows
That gather round my bed.
Taunting are the deadly demons
Chanting within my head.
Of tears and forgotten heroes,
Of nightmares and of shades!
Of scarlet hue, of shards and scythes!
And, O My Goddess, of the blades!
And as this one last silver string
Grows taut enough to break,
For frail are my soul and spirit
Adorned with scars and ache.
But now you are here. You have come.
My eyes close; I feel thee
Calming my tarnished sanity
Making the darklings flee.
Protect me in divine mercy,
Silent mother of peace,
O, Eldest Goddess of them all,
Who comes in harmony.
I lend my heart into your keep
As thou blessest my mind with sleep.
...Ripples in the Dream Pool...
Logged
"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
Gained Aura: 365
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 7.650
Dwarvenmistress
Re: Untilted - Eyasha-ie poem
«
Reply #1 on:
26 March 2004, 09:32:00 »
(Looks at Rayne 'funny', just to oblige her...)
Lemme help you with that middle English, hon! It's the only nitpick I have about the poem (except perhaps that it builds in intensity for such a long time that only two stanzas of rest and comfort feel a little sudden for the ending...) and I'm not completely comfortable with the grammar in the penultimate line...'your keep'? Should be 'your keeping' but that doesn't work for the rhythm/rhyme... so perhaps something like "I know that thou my heart will keep" would be better...
If you are going to use 'thee' and 'thou', you've got to use them consistently, that's all. Changes in CAPITALS below:
PSALM TO EYASHA
The canopies gently rustle
With whispers of night.
Utengor’s pale moon sails above
In clouds it makes alight.
Far away is Foiros’ light
And distant are my dreams.
Sloping hillsides slumber soundly
Around the sleepy streams.
The darkling world is soft at peace;
But I am here, alone
Without a hope, without a pray’r
Or star to call my own.
Fatal desires churn in veins,
Though rage is boiled away,
To break my fragile mind and heart,
Never again see day.
And so hungry seem these shadows
That gather round my bed.
Taunting are the deadly demons
Chanting within my head.
Of tears and forgotten heroes,
Of nightmares and of shades!
Of scarlet hue, of shards and scythes!
And, O My Goddess, of the blades!
And as this one last silver string
Grows taut enough to break,
For frail are my soul and spirit
Adorned with scars and ache.
But now THOU ART here. THOU HAST come.
My eyes close; I feel thee
Calming my tarnished sanity
Making the darklings flee.
Protect me in divine mercy,
Silent mother of peace,
O, Eldest Goddess of them all,
Who comes in harmony.
I lend my heart into THY keep
As thou blessest my mind with sleep.
Nice sense of relaxation here, even if it is short! Well done.
Logged
"Give me a land of boughs in leaf / a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; / I love no leafless land." --A.E. Housman
Pages: [
1
]
Santharian Development
 
Forum
 
Santharian World Development
 
The Santharian Library
 
Untilted - Eyasha-ie poem
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Organization and General Discussions
-----------------------------
=> Santharian Site Administration
===> Announcements and Web Design
===> Santharian Team Projects
=====> Active Projects
=====> Completed Projects
=====> Project Proposals
===> Organizational Schedules
===> Development Master Plans
===> Bell-Ringing - Notifications to Developers
=> Newbie Information, Joining Requests and Recruitment
=> Discussions, Development Ideas & Proposals
===> General Santharian Discussions
===> Continent Specific Discussions
=====> The Southern Sarvonian Continent
=====> The Northern Sarvonian Continent
=====> The Continent of Aeruillin
=====> The Continent of Nybelmar
=> Non-Santharian Stuff: Life, the Universe & Everything
-----------------------------
Santharian World Development
-----------------------------
=> Santharian Artists Workshop and Resources
=> The Santharian Bestiary
=> The Santharian Herbarium
=> Races, Tribes and Clans
===> Brownie Development
=> People of the World of Caelereth
=> Places and Map Design
=> History of Caelereth
=> Cosmology, Myths and Religions
=> Magic in the Lands of Caelereth
=> Languages and Runes
=> The Santharian Library
=> Miscellaneous
-----------------------------
Santharian Game Projects
-----------------------------
=> General Game Discussions & Newbie Area
=> RPG Development Scheduling
=> Maps, Dialogues & Room Descriptions
=> RPG Adventure Programming
Help, I'm a Newbie!
About this Board
Dev Introduction
Developer's 1x1
Technical Forum Stuff
Advanced Forum Help
Testing Thread
Where's the game?
Search
Advanced search
Recent
Winter's Flame candle
by
lolanixon
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]
WANTED: Beta readers / comic fantasy
by
Artimidor Federkiel
[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]
Gollum Pic
by
Erutan Argon
[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]
Islands of Doranthakar, Southern Sarvonia
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]
Am I too late?
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]
Centaur Picture
by
Noksz
[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]
The Guilds & Orders of New-Santhala
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]
The History of New-Santhala
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]
The Districts of New-Santhala
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]
New-Santhala, Sangui Province, Southern Sarvonia
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]
The High Fores picture
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]
The High Fores, Vardynn Province, Southern Santharia
by
Seeker
[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]
The Black Flame
by
landon
[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]
Tales of Monsonius: That Fiend of Mine
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]
Site Update 10-10-2016
by
Felsid Greytunnel
[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]
The Santhran Lysmarin Hammerfeld
by
Artimidor Federkiel
[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]
Armelite
by
Artimidor Federkiel
[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]
Blazebushel Moss
by
Artimidor Federkiel
[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]
Lightmoss
by
Artimidor Federkiel
[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]
Search feature troubles
by
Artimidor Federkiel
[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Stats
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest:
lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144589
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 28
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 28
Total: 28