* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: 1 [2] 3
Print
Author Topic: The tale of F'ash  (Read 10398 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Drogo
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 1.247



View Profile
« Reply #15 on: 27 May 2004, 15:15:00 »

*a man in a trench coat appears nearby*

"Psst buddy.  Wan't some time?  *He looks around nervously and then throws open his trench coat showing all manner of clocks, watches, and other timepieces.  Each of them are smashed and no longer serviceable.**  "You get one of these and time will be afraid of you, you get my drift? ;)  

Dirg'mystrume of the Helvet'ine Kuglim.  
Lord of the North

Logged
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.098



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #16 on: 27 May 2004, 15:21:00 »

:lol  :rollin  :lol  


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.657


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #17 on: 28 May 2004, 00:31:00 »

Maybe reading again Michael Ende's Momo would help, Art?

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Dala Valannia
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2.515



View Profile
« Reply #18 on: 28 May 2004, 03:19:00 »

If crossing over the Tandala Mountains is nigh impossible, how about under? The Ylossians have a system of tunnels below the Tandala Highlands, right?

Quote:
This Tandala mountains wall, before the Third Sarvonian War (298-203 b.S.), was thought to be impassable because of the harsh climates past the foothills. However, orcs from the north eventually found pathways through the Tandalas, believed to have been constructed by the mythical Ylossian Dwarves.


I was actually planning to use these tunnels for the final confrontation between Katya and Ol’dém’bréy. Is it feasible? if the tunnels are infested with orcs, that won't be a problem for me, I've already thought of what to do with them :devilish  

Edited by: Dala Valannia at: 5/27/04 11:23
Logged
Drogo
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 1.247



View Profile
« Reply #19 on: 28 May 2004, 06:59:00 »

That is indeed a possibility in both cases, however it must be noted that orcs are not the worse thing to worry about.  Besides them are dragon, and other fould beasts to be found in the depths of any place in the world.  Most importantly though if you go in and don't get killed it would be nigh impossible to find your way back out after literally miles and miles of twisting tunnels that intersect and some are collapsed, some inhabited, etc.

Logged
Koldar Mondrakken
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 1
Offline Offline

Posts: 3.724



View Profile
« Reply #20 on: 28 May 2004, 07:25:00 »

@dala: katya is about a millenia before the Third Sarvonian war which led to the formation of the Gob-Oc nation. Also their expansion into the troll mountains is meant as an indication that they found pretty good way to adapt themselves to their new environment. ;)

About the story, well, I thought you wanted to tell something about orcs so your char will tell something about their lifestyle but at the moment it's simply a reiteration of clichés. Mean without goal, evil without intent and cruel and barbaric. The whole line I tried to describe with the orc tribes is however that their whole behaviour is simply build on a different morale system so what is perceived among as violent and cruel among humans is not seen as such by orcs.

One thing you might've misinterpreted is that Losh-oc drink blood of killed warriors for strength. That however doesn't mean they eat humans on a regular basis, in fact it's kind of unlikely. Like hyenas are killed by lions they kill people of other races as weak rivals, not as prey.

Some more notes on orc charakteristics: can be found here p223.ezboard.com/fsanthar...=224.topic


Koldar Mondrakken, Knight of the Moonlight

Logged
Alysse the Likely
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 69
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2.089



View Profile
« Reply #21 on: 28 May 2004, 08:15:00 »

Thanks Koldar, for your help.  I'll have to edit some.  However, I was not trying to suggest that the orcs were "mean without goal, evil without intent"  anymore that a cat is when it plays with a mouse.  I'm suggesting that the bard is no more than a toy to them.  And, as a mother of three, I know children don't always treat their toys that well.  They bang them around, drop them everywhere and frequently end up breaking or destroying them.   This is not because they are mean or evil.
Ditto the orcs.  They see the bard as a neat new toy, one that makes music.  And it seemed to me to be perfectly in character that orcs would bring home live animals (in which category they include all other races)  to teach their children hunting/fighting skills.  My bard is an exception because the orclings' mother intervenes on his behalf, much as I might if I saw my children being too rough with an expensive and fragile new toy.

Okay, 'nuff said (or maybe more than:)   ) I'll edit my story to portray orcs more accurately.  Thanks again.

Alysse the Likely

Edited by: Alysse theLikely at: 5/27/04 23:08
Logged

Alysse the Likely
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.653


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #22 on: 28 May 2004, 09:33:00 »

Hullo Alysse - nice avatar picture!

Please do incorporate more orcen lifestyle into the story, if you can pry it out of Koldar, because I for one would like to know more about their 'home lives'...   I agree with Talia that the story moves very quickly from 'real time' narration to the escape - how about another chapter of 'life among the Losh-Oc"?  

Perhaps you could make a pointform chart and post it for Koldar's attention and he could fill in the gaps - like Housing Diet Clothing etc.  Actually, I'd be surprised if he doesn't have something like that already.  It's obvious that you've done your Herbarium research thoroughly - so have you searched the Compendium for the Losh-Oc's information?

And yes, I would definitely add more to the horse-taming segment.  We know the Tirpan is mild-manned by nature, but the nudging-ear bit is perhaps too close to the Aragorn/Arwen-is-actually-a-horse scene in the second LOTR movie :lol

Still, I think it's a fascinating tale with lots of witty detail.  Bravo for your cross-referencing!

Looking forwards to more,
Bard Judith

Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Dala Valannia
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2.515



View Profile
« Reply #23 on: 28 May 2004, 19:15:00 »

Quote:
@dala: katya is about a millenia before the Third Sarvonian war which led to the formation of the Gob-Oc nation. Also their expansion into the troll mountains is meant as an indication that they found pretty good way to adapt themselves to their new environment.
Okay, that's cool too :D   That means I can use the Ylossian dwarves in my story then since they've been extinct a few thousands years before Santhros, meaning there could be some around during Katya's time, yesh? The twilight of a tribe...hmm...*creative processes whirrling*

Edited by: Dala Valannia at: 5/28/04 3:16
Logged
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.653


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #24 on: 29 May 2004, 08:57:00 »

Good, great, cool, neato! :smokin    We have very little on the Ylossians, so I'd not mind seeing their lifestyle expanded either!

Need any help, dear housedragon, just ask! :hug  

Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.098



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #25 on: 01 June 2004, 00:10:00 »

Hello Alysse!

I've read the first Chapter by now as well... Indeed it looks very promising as has already been mentioned;)

2 things from the technical aspect I'd like to point out:

1.) In order to get something up on the site, we usually have some sort of teaser/summary or introduction, which we put on top of the page (see other stories at the library). This way readers can scan through these lines and decide if this a story they'd like to read. So if you could provide a such a teaser/summary (for the whole story, not just a chapter), this would be fine.

2.) I think the chapters are maybe a bit short to be titled as such. So maybe you should consider combining the current Chapter 1+2 and add some more orcish details as already suggested, then we have a longer first chapter - I guess this would fit better. - What do you think?


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Alysse the Likely
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 69
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2.089



View Profile
« Reply #26 on: 03 June 2004, 15:46:00 »

I've added a new section to the second part of my story, telling a bit more about Heir'gor's life with the orcs. Please read and comment.

Art: I don't think it'll be ready for this update simply because I won't have time to fix all the problems people have pointed out before then.  But it should be in good shape for the next one!  
I'm also working on my domestic pig entry and have a plan for a plant entry in the works.

This is so much fun!  I'm really enjoying my time here. :biggrin  

Alysse the Likely

Logged

Alysse the Likely
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.098



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #27 on: 03 June 2004, 15:54:00 »

Just take your time, Alysse;)  


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Drogo
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 1.247



View Profile
« Reply #28 on: 04 June 2004, 14:31:00 »

I like the additions that you made, it adds more about family life and gives more of an impression about their family structure.  I only have two suggestions.  The first being that maybe add a little more about some of what he saw while he walked around the village, because while we have a better understanding of a family there is not much more understanding of the society itself.  The other is, at one point you talk about the mother helping heal Heir'gor.  I don't understand that part.  If a slave can do his job with a limp, then why spend the time to fix him?  In fact he can still sing even without his leg, so why would she care that much?  I'm not saying this because she is an orc and prolly doesn't care, I'm saying this because he is a slave.

Dirg'mystrume of the Helvet'ine Kuglim.  
Lord of the North

Logged
Alysse the Likely
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 69
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2.089



View Profile
« Reply #29 on: 05 June 2004, 14:50:00 »

Thanks for your post, Drogo.

I felt it was valid to have the mother orc heal my bard for a couple of reasons.

1) He'll be able to do his work better and sooner if he's fixed up.

2)  As Koldar pointed out, orcs aren't just mean for the sake of being mean.  Kroch-cha likes Heir'gor and he is valuable to her.  She is also a female orc.  They don't necessarily react like the battle and power crazy males.  Maybe they don't like being treated like possessions either.  And orcs are more sophisticated than lions or bears.  I think that they can appreciate music and art (admittedly primitive and with generally violent subjects) .

So he's like a broken toy or something.  And she is prepared to spend some time fixing the toy, much as we might replace our kid's bike tires if they're damaged, or glue a cracked cup back together.

That was my thinking, anyway.

Alysse the Likely

Logged

Alysse the Likely
Pages: 1 [2] 3
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1085
Latest: kmshltns01
Stats
Total Posts: 144683
Total Topics: 11053
Online Today: 82
Online Ever: 226
(06 November 2012, 05:38:23)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 88
Total: 88

Last 10 Shouts:
22 February 2019, 06:47:10
A delightful 2019 shout-out to you all ^^
21 November 2018, 23:39:14
Seems none of us can stay away ..
09 March 2018, 23:37:46
Dream goes on as long as there are dreamers my friend.
17 January 2018, 01:23:22
Oh, how I wish we could reawaken the Dream :)
16 January 2018, 11:55:48
Hello everyone!
14 September 2017, 09:40:04
Hello all! It's been a minute since I poked my nose in here. Can't remember if I ever did anything useful.
09 May 2017, 14:17:18
Ah, too bad that internet is so restricted in China, Ferra. Can't be much fun surfing the web that way if Big Brother's watching you... Hope you enjoy your stay nevertheless!
03 May 2017, 17:41:19
Hi, dear Arti and other developers!

This year I am in China and cannot use any Google services including YouTube. For this reason I stopped uploading new Nepris videos. I can also not read any comments there.

It just crossed my mind that this information might be useful to you.

Cheers

F
26 March 2017, 12:48:56
Hello to anyone that might read this. :)
22 December 2016, 02:38:16
Merry Christmas everyone!
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx