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Author Topic: Flower Dreams  (Read 1309 times)
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Rayne (Alýr)
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« on: 25 May 2004, 07:18:00 »
I need a title for this one, too. Maybe something about flowers or... I don't know. Maybe I should just start numbering everything.

Shakespearean Sonnet Form:
Rhyme Scheme: abab cdcd efef gg
Meter: Iambic Pentameter


Flower Dreams

And now, you see, the flowers sway their heads
Up to the azure sky. Perhaps they long
To meet the clouds, to fly up from their beds
And soar with birds, and sing such light-filled song!
Admire we sweet Allia’s purple hue,
And white the flower of whose vine so creeps;
The cerubell’s most brilliant blue,
And Yellow, hanging horn that lightly sleeps.
Yet even though their petals echo grace,
Perhaps they’d leave their quiet charms behind
So they might rise into a brighter place
And gain a beauty of another kind.
Unknown are longings of the heart’s soft core
For something in the soul, for something more.

Edited by: Artimidor Federkiel at: 7/30/05 16:38
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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Drogo
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« Reply #1 on: 26 May 2004, 06:34:00 »
You could do something like "Spring's Dreams"  and it could be the beginning of a series poems of things that seem to have different desires, you could do animals, birds, people, etc that all take place in the midst of the heady spring.

Just a thought ;)  
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #2 on: 27 May 2004, 09:08:00 »
Another nice poem!

I have difficulties with those two lines though, seems I'm pronouncing it wrongly maybe?

Admire we Allia’s purple hue,
And white the flower of whose vine so creeps;

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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #3 on: 28 May 2004, 10:47:00 »
Ah! Your right! I was couinting "admire" as three syllables when it was only two! It should be fixed now.

Edit: Added a title. Ew. It's so icky. Ew, ew, ew. Yuck. But at least it has one.

Edited by: Rayne Avalotus at: 6/6/04 9:15
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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #4 on: 07 June 2004, 01:50:00 »
Wonderful poems again, but uhmmm... This definitely isn't the best choice for a title here, I have to admit:noidea  Hmmm... Would need to think of something better, though...

Here there also seems something missing methinks: "Admire we (do?) sweet Allia’s purple hue"...


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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #5 on: 07 June 2004, 16:17:00 »
Actually, the meter in that line is already correct. Allia is three  syllables, the first unstressed, so it's pronounced al•LI•a. "Sweet" thus recieved stress, we recieves unstress, and admire is just naturally an iambic word.

I hate the title I want to murder it in cold blood, but I think replacing it would serve me better.

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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Talahir Elenaerion
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« Reply #6 on: 17 July 2005, 08:46:00 »
How about "(The) Longing of the Rose"?  ::Hands her the old title so that she can murder it however she wants::  I think it rather suits it, as there are so many different color roses.


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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #7 on: 27 July 2005, 16:01:00 »
No roses in the poem.

I couldn't stand the title and had to change it before I made myself sick. :x  I still don't like the title, though.

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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
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« Reply #8 on: 27 July 2005, 16:23:00 »
It's a good title. It caught my attention when I entered the library, it seemed interesting and it gave a rough idea what the poem is about. I like it. *smiles*


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Arancaytar Ilyaran
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« Reply #9 on: 27 July 2005, 21:54:00 »
And it's definitely better than "Blooming Aspirations"... ^_^

If Fire is Earth desiring to be Wind,
And Water is Wind trying to be Earth,
What then is Fire wishing to be Water?
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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #10 on: 28 July 2005, 01:49:00 »
Dear Ava, it is! I hated that title. It sounded more like a bad pun.

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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
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« Reply #11 on: 28 July 2005, 06:56:00 »
I'll take that one as well for the next update, now that the title seems to fit also:D  


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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #12 on: 28 July 2005, 07:15:00 »
I have a few others waiting that have nice titles, too. :D  I'd love to see "Do not Whispers to the Wind" go up, if possible, and perhaps some of my Aviaria sonnets.

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"There is much misjudgment in the world. Now, I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so I must be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes. We are not always what we seem..." -Schmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #13 on: 06 August 2005, 20:39:00 »
Everytime I read this a sense of joy and bliss fills my spirit

:hug  
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #14 on: 07 August 2005, 01:29:00 »
A morbid soul I must have to read something so blissful and have the muses inspire this. I don't know, a period of quiet sorrow fills my heart after a reign of joy.

I never had instruction in poetry (and indeed this is my third piece) so please forgive any major grievance my ineptness may have caused.

Oh Rayne, O' poets' Seyella don't be hard on me, don't be harsh...




As the rain trumpets ‘gainst my sullen frame,
Coursing down to fused streams longing for calm,
To dampen winded paths, to meet Her grace,
I will miss you always my white still wind.

Where ithildin casts the grieving firstflame,
Come sweet Aelirel, dance the gentle song,
Drift through/to/with the misty white, up the gloom spread,
And steal me to meet the Injeran rise.

When the Mari dreams haze the dying light,
Coast/sail through the glaze of night never-ending/everlasting,
Stretch your rieuing call, spread hoar-frost wings,
And fall free to pierce the quiescent charm(s).

As the grey shade gives way to a dark reign,
Reeling in passing promises, leaping
To rising shades, to whispering shadows,
I shall yearn for you my mellow sea hymn.

Take wing off this gray isle of ice and mist
Lurching in dark ecstasy ever-bound,
Roll off these carpets of misty white, up
The sapphire sky to greet the break of day.

Hear my panting prays O’ fair Alirel!
Your laughter once to break these webs of grief*
And hope to disrupt the flows eternal
For something in the soul, for something more!

Your white charming, the last gate fast swaying*
Fall free and in a brighter place arise!




*I don’t like this part!
*Neither this!
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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