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Author Topic: The Scarlet Drake  (Read 3278 times)
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Decipher Ziron
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« on: 26 March 2006, 13:59:00 »

Overview

The largest of the weapons and armour stores lining the Great Market of Karakan, The Scarlet Drake draws customers from all over Nybelmar. Above all, the shop is famous for its halberds and steel throwing knives. The Scarlet Drake has been the city’s most generous benefactor for so long (perhaps to compensate the magnitude of its illegal weaponry traffic, among these the most deadly of Krean poisons and banned Síhítárán glass-stars) that one of the two main residential boulevards was named ‘Scarlet Avenue’ after the armoury.

Being the second largest smuggler (being only surpassed by the Temple of Seras, worshippers of the Zhunite god of war) in the whole of Zhun it is no surprise that a whole selection of local and foreign weapons are available to purchase. For the right price it is also said that ‘associates’ of the Scarlet Drake can ‘take care’ of somebody for you.

Location

On the continent of Nybelmar, In the Krean outpost Karakan (which lies on the north-western edge of the Moredein Palantith Zhunith), in the centre of its legendary Great Market is where the Scarlet Drake can be found.

Description

The Scarlet Drake armoury is possibly the most magnificent building in the whole of the Great Market. The sheer size of the exterior is the first thing strikes you. The building, which is two dashes in length, is composed of hundreds of topazum coloured bricks. The front door of the Scarlet Drake is hardly ever closed, but when it is you appreciate the fine artisanship that went into creating such a beautiful object from a megor piece of wood.  Depending on the time of the day the ‘reception’ room of the Scarlet Drake can be quite crowded.

This room is particularly wide and airy (normally due to a light Karakan breeze) and is about 5 square peds. It is decorated with a whole manner of weapons, ranging from Kassite Tsuburs to light steel Halberds, all of which are for sale. The wall also has a rather large portrait of the armoury’s owner, Poi Letan, an incredibly wealthy and influential man. A large wooden counter, that doubles as a display case, houses finely crafted daggers and normally a maximum of three Dragon Warden daggers, which are even more expensive then the Aesteran Curved Daggers that are sparsely wielded by the krean.

If you manage to tear your gaze away from the vibrant and attractive trading area you might realises an arch in the wall. Walking through this arch will give you a lot of choices as you walk into the corridor. This corridor is, although disappointingly unfurnished, very well lit and spacious. If you choose you walk through the first door on your left you will enter the sword smithing workshop. This badly lit room is nowhere near as attractive as the reception room, with its bare stonewalls and dusty floors. It contains five cast iron anvils, which are beginning to slightly rust. The floor is not only littered with layers of dust but also badly made swords and boiling metal.

After leaving this room and returning to corridor you may choose to enter the room on your right. This room is much homier than the other, containing expertly made couches and chairs, as well as a few standing potted plants. At the end of this room is a very large desk, big enough to sit two people more than comfortably. Behind this desk are bookcases filled with sales records and receipts. A large tome sits upon this desk, usually with a bright blue quill resting on top. In here are the all important revenue records, as Poi Letan is completely remorseless when it comes to his staff stealing, for their own gain at least.

When you have left this room, and once again reached the corridor, you should take a short walk to the next two doors. If you choose to take the left you will enter another smithing workshop. This room, unlike the first workshop, is very well lit and also quite warm. The room is much larger, and although holding the same five cast iron anvils, these ones are not rusting at all. In the far right corner of the room piles of swords are kept. Longswords, shortswords, curved swords, straight swords, wide swords, thin swords, you name it, you can probably find it somewhere in there. In the far left corner there is a furnace, and next to it piles of iron and steel bars.

After walking through the corridor and into the second room you are amazed. The utter size of this room is at first impossible to comprehend. It stretches ten and a half peds from top to bottom and is about six peds wide. This room is a conference and meeting room. It is at a great seven ped long table where either Poi Letan or Limus Crak, the head of labour organisation, addresses the workforce of the Scarlet Drake. This room is also the place where all major weapons transactions, legal or not, are agreed and occur, and as such no employee is authorised to enter without written permission or a meeting being called.

When you have finished examining the conference room you notice two more rooms. These are practically identical and are quite spacious and well kept. They are the storerooms of the armoury. The first contains polearms and blades, all stacked and boxed up. The second contains missile weapons, smaller blades and more rare weapons, those that would normally need to be commissioned. The shelves of both of these rooms are never empty, and excess items are either sold at discount prices or kept in workshops where they are made.

The room at the far end of the corridor is always protected by two elite military guards every hour of the day, every day of the year. The contents of this room are unknown, even to the guards who spend tediously long amounts of time standing outside of it. There are only two people who are allowed to enter under any circumstances the owner (who is currently Poi Letan) and General Urklin, the current head of Karakan security and military operations. Nobody is sure why the place is off limits, or why two of the outpost’s most proficient soldiers are ordered to stand at it. Some say that the founder of the Scarlet Drake, Milon Letan, was a good friend of the general of his time, and he had an order passed that would keep the door guarded for all of time. Others say however that Milon had disgracing information on the general, and he was blackmailed into doing it, this however very unlikely. According to rumour the room contains all the illegal weaponry that the store is famous for. They say it has exotic blades, imbued with krean poisons that have a multitude of effects (including instant death, eating away of the flesh and causing terrifying diseases) and Síhítárán glass-stars (banned by the krath military for it’s deficiencies in quick killing and sadistic pain causing attributes).

At the end of the corridor is a staircase. After you walk up stairs you are submerged in one huge office. It consists of around thirty desks, each identical in everyway. The walls are lined with bookcases, filled to the brim, and at the end of the room is a large collection maps, why is still a mystery. This is where the funds department operates.  


Function of Building

The function of the building is solely to produce money. It does this by buying, making, and selling weapons at acceptable prices. Although this sounds simple such a profitable organisation needs to have a system that can maximise their efficiency and revenue. This is done through a series of important individuals and departments.

The Manufacturing Department

The function of this department is pretty self-explanatory. There are given the raw materials and are paid to make them into quality products. Grinha Olpen is no blacksmith but does know masses of substandard products from quality implements of death, and as such is the head of department. He over sees all operations and is harsh and cruel when it comes to finished products, he will instantly dispose of any item that doesn’t reach his high standards. It takes a skilful, persistent smith to succeed in this department.

The Funds Department

This department consists of accountants and figure readers. Half work out how much should be made, the other half work out how much is made. They count every individual coin at least three times. The head of this department is Orus Kimn, equally as ruthless as Grinha and much more demanding. He is a factor that has turnt away many prospective workers.

The Ordering Department

A smaller branch of the funds department, this department is responsible for ordering the raw materials.

The Labour Department

The supreme department of the entire of the organisation, this consists of five people. They oversee every operation and have the authority to dismiss anybody for any reason they see fit. The head of this department is Limus Crak.

History

????

Arfus Letan pays for the construction of an armoury

????

Arfus dies; command of building is resumed by Milon Letan

????

Construction is completed

????

Official opening of the Scarlet Drake

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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #1 on: 26 March 2006, 15:02:00 »

I am waiting for Coren's help on the history but comments would be nice on the rest of the content.

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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #2 on: 26 March 2006, 15:27:00 »

I'm niether an expert on weapons nor one on Nybelmar, but I do love this entry! You are so very descriptive! I wouldn't mind a little more detail on the location. Perhaps you might mention what shops are around it?

Although not necessary, perhaps you might consider listing the prices of some of the inventory--it would be a good way of giving the average reader what sort of things he sells, at a glance, and for how much.  

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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #3 on: 26 March 2006, 15:34:00 »

:lol   Same here, no expert on weapons..

- What about this room with the rusty anvils?Why is it there?
- This shop existed 4000 years in the past, right? For Coren's tribe thrives at this time. I assume, the store as well. Maybe you should make this clearer, that it is long gone and only stories and rumours exist about it which are told in Anis-Anpagan or wherever, or an old letter was found, where it is described...

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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #4 on: 27 March 2006, 04:25:00 »

I'm Sorry Talia Coren never told me that the western half of Nybelmar was extinct, although he did say something about a rediscovery of some sort.

@Coren( Where Ever He Is): Is The Scarlet Drake still functioning today?

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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #5 on: 27 March 2006, 09:20:00 »

I've read the entry; I will respond fully soon :)  

I will plow through the submission in great detail tomorrow. But be warned, I am very dangerous with a red-marker :p  

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"Yes, what does that mean?"
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"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #6 on: 29 March 2006, 15:03:00 »

I'm sorry Decipher, but I don't think I can get the uri-check up for another couple of days. Real life is taking a great toll on my online time right now, and the way things are going, with a particular 'someone up there' randomly thrusting more hurdles on the way to keep him/herself (too bad English doesn't have androgynous structures) perpetually amused just when I think I am finally thorough with some exasperating issue and can finally steal a moment to relax and just 'be'. One of these days I seriously consider writing a letter of complaint, specifying a kind request for a change in management, but then where did the sender's address go again?  

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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #7 on: 02 April 2006, 03:17:00 »

This is going to take a very long time, but when it is done you can expect some very detailed suggestions :p

I bought a very interesting book called "The Grand Tour: Travelling the World with an Architect's Eye" by Harry Seidler. Just what I needed for inspiration - watch out the boards for a flood of Coren's city-design proposcals! That is of course if I finally can have some time to myself.

I'm rambling. This was a pleasant read btw Decipher, very good for a first entry.

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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #8 on: 07 April 2006, 03:19:00 »

I was just reminded why I am not studying architecture: I cannot draw! Argh it drives me crazy; I have this magnificient design in my head for Scarlet Drake but I cannot reflect that on paper. How will I describe the style and even the ornamental details (sculptures, facades etc) to you...

Here is only a very basic commentary. Mostly throwing in a few suggestions, pointing out language errors and what doesn't work from my side.




Overview

The largest of the weapons and armour stores lining the Great Market of Karakan, The Scarlet Drake draws customers from all over Nybelmar. Above all, the shop is famous for its halberds and steel throwing knives. The Scarlet Drake has been the city’s most generous benefactor for so long (perhaps to compensate the magnitude of its illegal weaponry traffic, among these the most deadly of Krean poisons and banned Síhítárán glass-stars) that one of the two main residential boulevards was named ‘Scarlet Avenue’ after the armoury.

Being the second largest smuggler (surpassed only by the Temple of Seras, worshippers of the Zhunite god of war) in the whole of Zhun it is no surprise that a tremendous selection of local and foreign weapons are available to purchase. For the right price it is also said that ‘associates’ of the Scarlet Drake can ‘take care’ of somebody for you.

Location

On the continent of Nybelmar, In the Krean outpost Karakan (which lies on the north-western edge of the Moredein Palantith Zhunith), in the centre of its legendary Great Market is where the Scarlet Drake can be found.

We will add to this some details soon

Description

This is a very good start – much better than my first entry! :: (mutters) How embarrassing it is still on the site… :: I think you have ample potential to flourish into a brilliant Santharian – especially since you receive criticism well. What I can tell from how you reacted to Rayne’s rather intense critique on the White Advisor poem, you mull over what can be extracted from other’s observations and try to incorporate their suggestions (and not just blindly). That spirit of eagerness and resilience is a noteworthy character trait you should aim to hold onto. Enthusiasm fuels persistence. It is vital that you truly take joy from what you’re doing, this time being a contributor to the Santharian project, because that’s sometimes the sole thing that keep you going in the face of all negative remarks.

Trust me, no matter how many entries you have on the site, no matter how well integrated into the project your persona here has become, there will be times when you just want to slam the door, pack everything and leave. But in the end you don’t. Not if your love for the work you do here – not for anyone else’s sake but purely for your own pleasure – is great. Your own interest in being part of a creation process transcends over any petty quarrels. When Talia and Smith first commented on my Krath entry I felt like strangling them on the spot for I had to completely change my initial concept.

Once again I repeat that this is a good entry; it exceeds my expectations for a first submission.

That being said I will now tear the entry apart – progressively in the next couple of days. I’m doing this not because you are a miserable writer, but because Karakan is my baby and because the Scarlet Drake was meant to be such a majestic residence. Also, if you are to profit from this mentorship I must constantly push you forward, never being contented with just “acceptable” or “good”. We shall aspire for “splendid” and “radiant”, and even after that “exceptional”, “outstanding”… And please keep in mind that I would not be pushing you this hard had I believed you were not up to the challenge. Now onto the less pleasant side:


Overall remarks: You must expand your vision here. Scarlet Drake should be a tremendously majestic and impressive place. Think “grand”. Think “imposing”. Think Krean-Karakan like. We keep repeating that this is the greatest armoury in the whole of Zhun – add to that the Karanite feel. Remember how martial, how disciplined, how severe these people are (read a humorous- atmospheric piece here). Remember also that during the Empire this was one of the main contractors for weapons & armour supplies for the imperial legions in the whole of Zhun. That is A LOT of weapons. Which means that is also a lot of profit – money that could be used to continuously enlarge the operations to produce and earn even more. Karakanites live for their work, be they soldiers, battle-priests or smiths. And they work to succeed – no matter what that might entail. Have no doubts that they would go all the way.


I will move on to the carping of individual sections tonight (hopefully). Now I must return to my studies and eat. Take care!

Edited by: Coren FrozenZephyr at: 4/6/06 11:21
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #9 on: 09 April 2006, 12:15:00 »

Thanks for the commenting, I'm a bit strapped for time lately ( exams coming ECT.) so I can only respond rarely. Thank you for the compliments by the way.

Decipher

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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #10 on: 09 April 2006, 14:34:00 »

A similar situation here... But in one way that is good from my side - I don't have to feel guilty :lol  How about this: When you once again can dedicate a decent time to Santharia, IM (instant message) me on the board and I'll continue with the rest of the comments then.

I know have a rather concrete picture of what the place should look like in my mind. I also have a few very rough sketches (emphasis on rough) which I will try to put up tomorrow as soon as I figure out why the scanner is malfunctioning.

:: a tiny voice volunteers, "Maybe not even the machine can handle the ugliness of those blueprints?" and suddenly finds itself under a very large - and incidentally, heavy - boot::

Good luck!

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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #11 on: 19 May 2006, 13:24:00 »

Ah Ha! I have returned from the dark abyss of...examinaton. Well know i've got time to edit this entry when do you want to start discussing again.

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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #12 on: 19 May 2006, 14:30:00 »

Coren is away for a week or so.

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
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