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Author Topic: (Dragonward) Shield of Ximax  (Read 10823 times)
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Takashi Logan
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« Reply #15 on: 11 October 2005, 13:04:00 »

I shall try. Im working on various things, need to get a development schedule up.

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Takashi Logan
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« Reply #16 on: 17 October 2005, 14:44:00 »

I now reopen this thread, though i do require a better name for the artefact, maybe something in straysh.

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Silfer Darkflare
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« Reply #17 on: 17 October 2005, 16:24:00 »

Styrash.

Hmm, curious piece of magical artifact, that one. At current state, perhaps better suited for the Krean, who like paradoxes and contradictions. *grins*

The description here rhymes poorly with Ecua - read up on Ecua. (There is little information about it, but it goes opposite to Xeua, and deals with breaking of bonds between ounia. This does not rhyme with rallying men (how?), nor really with dampening magic... )

Second, why is so much known about it? When was it known, how was information found? Be creative; invent a story as to that.

Three, I will not comment unless you check your spelling and punctuation.

Name idea. Dragonward.

Edited by: Silfer Darkflare at: 10/17/05 0:26
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #18 on: 18 October 2005, 11:30:00 »

Quote:
Hmm, curious piece of magical artifact, that one. At current state, perhaps better suited for the Krean, who like paradoxes and contradictions. *grins*


Master Darkflare, you didn't really think that would escape my notice, now, did you?

I'll scan the entry later this week.

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Takashi Logan
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« Reply #19 on: 18 October 2005, 13:21:00 »

Thank you both for the comments
Silfer, i am currently heading into the depths and abyssalness that is the magic section as of now.

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Silfer Darkflare
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« Reply #20 on: 18 October 2005, 13:37:00 »

Master FrozenZephyr, I never underestimate the capabilities of anyone. ;)

Taka: I will think about how dampening magic could be accomplished - it has proven to be not as traightforward as I thought. (But I see no reason for it to be impossible - I am just havink leetle bit toruble with findink the solution.)

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Takashi Logan
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« Reply #21 on: 19 October 2005, 13:31:00 »

I now have a name! The shield of ximax! (i did consider the ward of ximax, but dumped it because it was too silmilar and might be confused with the eleven wards...

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Takashi Logan
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« Reply #22 on: 14 December 2005, 15:18:00 »

There we go! It should now get to the better edits. Some additions to the myth section.

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #23 on: 15 December 2005, 14:16:00 »

Ok, as promised I'm getting back here to give some comments in order to work towards the integration of this entry.

First of all I recommend to take a look again at my second comment on the first page (post #11265), here various basic things, which are still missing, are mentioned - they haven'e been covered/adjusted yet.

Let's take a closer look at two sections aside from the things mentioned in the mentioned comments.

Description.
This section is already pretty much ok. Here I would suggest perhaps to still mention further rumours that the shield might actually be made of dragon scales and therefore have even more unique magical powers. Mentioning who is supposed to have made the shield here also wouldn't hurt.

Usage.
It's not entirely clear what you want to say. The Orb of Ximax was there emanating great power (quote from the Ximax entry: "a field of immense magical power saturates the entire Xaramon Peninsula"). Then many wizards approached the orb and died. However, the sentence that the shield was "originally designed when the Orb of Ximax was thought to have broken its bonds" is very irritating and I assume you really mean that the "power of the orb was broken through the help of the shield". But your statement that "it was used to dampen the power of magical spells so that they could be cast within range of the Orb" doesn't really help, unless you mean that the force of the Orb's power was dampened. So I see various problems with your wording here methinks - I get the idea, but the way it is written is very contradictory.

So take a look at these things, once updated I'll be back to check them again and progress with the rest:)  

Oh, BTW: Also I personally like Silfer's name proposal "Dragonward" maybe we could call the artifact "Dragonward" and as a secondary name "Shield of Ximax" (put in brackets at the entry's caption), as the latter would be the simpler way on how many people would refer to it, the first one would be the more technical term:)  


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Edited by: Artimidor Federkiel at: 12/14/05 21:21
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Takashi Logan
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« Reply #24 on: 15 December 2005, 17:05:00 »

Quite good... I meant that there is a part of Ximax's timeline where the orb was though to have broken through the wards. But it's obsolete now that I go into this stuff about Xuran...

Description
Not a bad Idea... Dragon Scales... perhaps this is why the dragons avoided ximax! Hmm... It is mentioned in myth who made it.

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #25 on: 20 December 2005, 17:32:00 »

I've only two hands and a fulltime job, so I can't be everywhere at once. I plan to check it tomorrow again. Have you taken in all the suggestions, Takashi? What about a more detailed Overview for example?


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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Takashi Logan
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« Reply #26 on: 20 December 2005, 16:53:00 »

*Taka forgot* Sorry Art! I'll get the overview done

Edit list

History is now integrated into Myth/Lore
Slight changes everywhere

Edited by: Takashi Logan at: 12/20/05 23:36
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #27 on: 21 December 2005, 15:45:00 »

Ok, I'm taking a closer look now and do an Uri-check, starting with the first paragraphs again for now:

Legend

Orange ... Comments
Yellow ... Changes/modifications
Gray ... Unclear passages, which need to be rephrased

Overview
The Dragonward is an ancient artifact, said to have been forged already before the time when Ximax was first established and the founding of the Academy of Magic, probably sometime in the third millenium before Santhros. It undoubtedly is a powerful artifact, which is now lost in antiquity; its enchantments are potent, perhaps made by the founder of Ximax, Ximan Xuran, himself. (I'd like to point out again that you forgot the most important thing in the Overview: mentioning what it actually is so famous for, what was its main purpose. The idea of having an Overview is to be able to see with the first glance what this artifact's purpose was/is - no word from that here!) The item's exact history and destiny is shrouded in myth.

Description
The Dragonward, commonly also often simply referred to as the "Shield of Ximax", is a shield with a width of about a half ped across at its widest, and 3 quarters of a ped in length. The frame around this shield appears to be partly constructed of dragon bones, the lower part looks as if a drragon's wings are stretching around the border.

A common belief about the shield is that the scale like front is actually dragonscale, only adjusted with the help of a potent smith to a mage's needs, but this theory seems very unlikely. Were it so the shield would be stronger than any known metal in existence. By most it proficient scholars is therefore actually believed that the shield is made of metal, most likely of a magically permanently strengthened steel, overlaid in bits of mithril, made to look like dragonscale. Should this be so, it would be quite difficult to break. Whatever its metal, the colour of most of this shield is gnastheen green, with a frame of Korweyn gold (Korewyn gold IS gold, so need to mention that twice). The dragon's head, at the top of the artifact, is gifted with eyes as red as the fireweed's dye (nice comparison!), which are most likely rubies.
(Note:I had to change the order her and put the common rumour about the dragonscale on top, to deduce the more scholarly opinion from it.)

What I'm missing here ios a reference to the picture. We see the shield lying somewhere on the ground with a certain text around it, which we can/should substitute with something else. You don't mention this anywhere, but I think as it is shown on the picture, we should definitely have an explanation for what you see there.

-----------------

BTW: Though your new signature text might fit at the RPG board, here on the Development Board it is somewhat irritating - maybe you could settle for a not so direct text?


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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Takashi Logan
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« Reply #28 on: 21 December 2005, 17:36:00 »

I'll remove it... I already have

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Takashi Logan
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« Reply #29 on: 21 December 2005, 17:38:00 »

So do I put what goes under the picture or a reference to it having been made or what?
*has never done an entry with a picture...*

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