* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Author Topic: Angalhach (metal)  (Read 4756 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Ujalu
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 7


View Profile
« on: 07 July 2006, 13:58:00 »


Angalhach (metal)



A rare metal,found mixed in coal ,mainly used by high-class      Iferhém elves to create decorative blazes or used in combat weapons



Descrlption of Product


Its very similar to coal and very commonly confused with it, due to its only found mixed in coal. Its just as dirty as coal and just as black. Its mainly found in a type of "dust-like" form. If thown its burns,creating a blaze but due to its easy impurity the fire lasts only until it reaches ground,only by purifing it you can manage to have it make a stable flame. Its very valuable . It never melts either and is a good shield for any type of fire. It can also be fashioned into blades/projectiles or into a form of intertainment. Once properly modifided into a solid form,its almost (not quite) as hard as the hardest dwraven steel


Method of Production


The main process is extraction,In roughly a barrel of coal,there is only a handful of Angalhach.They place logs of wood the place that they think that there is this metal ,then they burn the wood .All the coal is wasted though but only the Angalhach remains (Angalhach is worth much more than the coal) ,Then thay enter the hole,scratching the walls and floor for the precious metal. Another method is extracting the coal,burn it in a useful way (heating the house) then from the ashes, extract the metal .They find the diference between ashes and Angalhach by putting it all in water,the ash floats, Angalhach doesnt (later dryed carefully with fire obviuosly)

Later they are brought to a smith ,still in the dust form and is most comonly mixed with other metals,giving the result a blackish color. A more elaborate form is to put all the metal dust in a mold and let it burn for a whole day  to reach extreme levels then brought quickly to a more colder place,by either shoving it out very quickly  into a water tank or pouring water into a superior whole. This creates a huge stream cloud and all personel is evacuated quickly .This Rapid change causes the the dust pieces to enlarge quickly,fusing them with the other pieces surrounding it, creating a solid form.(mainly swords)


Areas of Production


Its more of a process that takes a lot of time and the places vary,mainly surrouning mountains (not IN them, just around its area) ,in Iferhém Elf territories.Its transportation is very delicate,the slightest budge might ignite the ore and the place of purification and molding are the same


History of the Industry


This discovery is quite recent compared to other metals and its manufacture still reduced and experimentary. Most cases ended with catastrofic results. Although a few brave (or completely stupid) interested have ordered the manufacture of these product and some had satifiying results from thier point of view (for now its almost always pre-ordered)


Lore and Legend


Due to its reduced sale, merchants sometimes invent crazy storys to convince people to buy it, example:

"All behold The ever buring torch, lightens up your house forever!,or too cook your meals and garantees for a incredible price, longer life for all who have one in thier house or eat meals heated by this marvelous artifact!"

Any constuctive comment will be thanked!

Edited by: Ujalu at: 7/10/06 20:37
Logged
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.638


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #1 on: 07 July 2006, 14:45:00 »

Hello Ujalu, welcome on the dev-board!
What about saying hello and telling us a bit more about you in the joining forum?

You have a good start here, though I don't know, if we are already mining coal - we definitely don't have gunpowder.
I'm not sure, if this should not be something the dwarves mine, it can't imagne dirty elves, though it might fit to the fire-loving elves you choose.

Apart from that, you need more flesh in every paragraph. Tell more about the  Ifer'hem, why you choose this tribe etc.

Maybe have a look at my Burning Stones to get some inspiration  - and avoid similarities!

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Ujalu
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 7


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: 08 July 2006, 10:12:00 »

OK,quick changes made,I just need the names or mountians close to the fire-elf tribe. All the rest is fixed and OK...right?

And another thing (Ahem!) Please , keep all comments in topic,if you want to comment my character,do it in its proper topic please. Anyway I dont think that my char is ready for comments because...I havent finshed it (havent you seen the icon??), the history isnt there yet and thats the part that will explain it all .Also if you havent noticed, being pacient is one of the 10 commandments of RPing ,cuality of you recently lack of appearently..

(Hey, when one has to critize ,one has to critize)

Just a constuctive comment, I dont want  to begin to argue

Edited by: Ujalu at: 7/7/06 18:32
Logged
Kareesh Valendar
Aspiring Member
**

Gained Aura: 2
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 381



View Profile
« Reply #3 on: 08 July 2006, 10:41:00 »

Not to sound mean or anything Ujalu, but here, on the dev. board, is not where you should talk about your CD. These are two different boards.

Also, why some people are commenting early is because sometimes its better to know when you're wrong on something early then have to find out when you're all done and go back and re-write the entire thing.

Shall I end this haunting nightmare for you?
Character Creation Help~~~My Bell to Ring

Logged

Ujalu
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 7


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: 08 July 2006, 13:18:00 »

not to sound mean either but Im commenting something already posted, therefor the most appropiate thing would be post in the same topic. Or would you prefer for me to post in the out of topic section wih a completely new topic?.Absurd.

Also I prefer to do the stuff with calm,not with people pressureing me to finish it (rapidness only leads to failures) , I also prefer that they follow their own rules, especially the RP 10

Also, Ill prefer that now on, we focus on the porpose of this topic  

Edited by: Ujalu at: 7/7/06 21:26
Logged
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 32
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 752


Dalá'isyrás


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #5 on: 08 July 2006, 13:49:00 »

Which Talia clearly did. No need to insult her or throw the rules we all follow into ones face. That is called respecting thy neighbor. Talia simply gave you comments (which can be received at any point of development). What goes on in the RPG board is no interest to people here on the dev board. It is its own separate enitity. No one said anything about your character here in any of the posts so no reason for you to get so upset about something never spoken.

Talia simply said to introduce yourself to the board in the Joining Forum, not for you to move your entry any place. Tell us a little about yourself and what you like/want to do. ^.^

We are not pressuring you to finish anything or do anything you don't want to do.

Best of Luck on your entry.


www.p081.ezboard.com/fthesantharianrpgboard83.showMessage?topicID=259.topic" target="_blank">

The Santharian Dream ~ Role Playing Basics
Character Creation Guide ~ Restrictions and Age Calculator

Edited by: Kalina Merenwen at: 7/7/06 21:55
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Draconic Development Schedule
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.638


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #6 on: 09 July 2006, 03:26:00 »

That was indeed not the best way to introduce yourself, Ujalu. Not that I'm offended - I learned long ago to not to be offended, when immature visitors tried to ignorantly insult me, but it was really (ahem, understatement:)  unwise from you to ask the admin of the RPG-board to follow the ten commandments in a place where they are not valid. :lol

I don‘t really know, from which part of my post you deduced, that I‘m commenting on your CD. Your way to address this, was quite rude, and that is something we don‘t tolerate on the dev-board, please take that into account, if you want to stay here.

You asked for a comment:
"Any constructive comment will be thanked!"
and as we like to know with which people we communicate and to whom we devote our precious time to, I commented despite my lack of time and I asked you to introduce yourself in the approbate forum. Sorry, that I underestimated your ability to find it. Thank you Kalina for doing it for me. Seems despite you are so much younger than me, you are the wiser of us both :kiss

Kalina, Kareesh, thanks for posts! :hug

To your submission:
Quote:

OK, quick changes made,I just need the names or mountains close to the fire-elf tribe. All the rest is fixed and OK...right?


It would be nice, if you would apply your way of doing things („Also I prefer to do the stuff with calm..“) here as well, we prefer solid changes to quick ones.

Please search for the Nybelmar maps and look after the names of the mountains there.

My comment about the length of your submission is still valid. And please add „Usage“

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

Edited by: Talia Sturmwind  at: 7/8/06 11:43
Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.650


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #7 on: 09 July 2006, 11:38:00 »

Before this entry goes any farther, let me point out some of the more serious difficulties with the 'Angalharch' concept.   Note:  this is why we suggest that newcomers do some research and reading in the site - AND introduce themselves and their interests/abilities so that we are able to provide constructive guidance from the very begining - BEFORE they jump in with a post that may be completely unusable.

There are some nice touches, but there are also a lot of problems.  Read on, with girded loins and firmed chin, Ujala!  My comments/changes are in this
nice bright yellow hue.

Angalhach (metal)  I like the name - has a good crisp sound and would fit well with our other uniquely Santharian metals.

A rare metal,found mixed in coal ,mainly used by high-class Iferhém elves to create decorative blazes or used in combat instruments    a)  'high-class'?  This isn't fin-de-siecle Boston, it's medieval Caelereth.  b) Dwarves, not elves, have an almost complete monopoly on mining - they don't interfere with 'above-ground' politics and squabbles as long as they have everything beneath the earth to themselves.  c) 'weapons', not 'instruments', which aren't generally used in combat.


Descrlption of Product

Its very similar to coal and very commonly confused with it, due to its only found mixed in coal. Its just as dirty as coal and just as black. Its mainly found in a type of "dust-like" form. If thown its burns,creating a blaze but due to its easy impurity the fire lasts only until it reaches ground,only by purifing it you can manage to have it make a stable flame. Its very valuable . It never melts either and is a good shield for any type of fire. It can also be fashioned into blades/projectiles or into a form of intertainment. Once properly modifided into a solid form,its almost (not quite) as hard as the hardest dwraven steel.   I will ignore the many spelling errors for now - though we appreciate people running their submissions/proposals through a word processor's spell-check before posting - and the many instances of 'it's' which have the apostrophe missing.  More important are the internal inconsistencies.  This substance cannot both 'burn' in a blaze and 'never melt'!  You are also confusing your reader by switching back and forth between angalhach's ore form and abilities, and its processed form.  We also already have an additive which makes metal almost rival 'the hardest dwarven steel' - can't remember its name at the moment but the entry was written by Talia.  


Method of Production

The main process is extraction,In roughly a barrel of coal,there is only a handful of Angalhach.They place logs of wood the place that they think that there is this metal ,then they burn the wood .All the coal is wasted though but only the Angalhach remains (Angalhach is worth much more than the coal) ,Then thay enter the hole,scratching the walls and floor for the precious metal. Another method is extracting the coal,burn it in a useful way (heating the house) then from the ashes, extract the metal .They find the diference between ashes and Angalhach by putting it all in water,the ash floats, Angalhach doesnt (later dryed carefully with fire obviuosly)   This method of 'extraction' is highly implausible.  Coal itself is a fuel which burns.  Why not simply ignite the coal?  Also, why would you have to burn it in situ, rather than excavate the coal as usual and then burn it in a refining furnace, where all the angalhach could be salvaged?  And how can one determine whether a vein of coal contains enough (or any) useful angalhach before igniting it?   Needs a lot of work here...

Later they (they?  What does this plural pronoun refer to?)  are brought to a smith ,still in the dust form and is most comonly mixed with other metals,giving the result a blackish color. A more elaborate form is to put all the metal dust in a mold and let it burn for a whole day to reach extreme levels then brought quickly to a more colder place,by either shoving it out very quickly into a water tank or pouring water into a superior whole. This creates a huge stream cloud and all personel is evacuated quickly .This Rapid change causes the the dust pieces to enlarge quickly,fusing them with the other pieces surrounding it, creating a solid form.(mainly swords)    I really am sorry, but there are so many grammatical and stylistic errors in these sentences that I literally can't understand what you are trying to communicate.  'a superior whole'?  'more colder place'?  'fusing them with the other pieces surrounding it'?   Do you speak English as a second language, Ujalu?

I ask this in all sincerity, as we have many people writing on this site for whom English is not their first language, and who take extra pains to ensure their proposals and submissions are readable and accurate.  We have a few 'editors', like myself and Talia, who will take the time to do detailed checks of authors' works, but none of us have a lot of spare time for this.


Areas of Production

Its more of a process that takes a lot of time and the places vary,mainly surrouning mountains (not IN them, just around its area) ,in Iferhém Elf territories.Its transportation is very delicate,the slightest budge might ignite the ore and the place of purification and molding are the same.    This needs far more expansion and explanation.  You do not give any specific areas or names.  Nor have you mentioned before this volatile nature of angalhach, which one would think is a rather important property!


History of the Industry

This discovery is quite recent compared to other metals and its manufacture still reduced and experimentary. Most cases ended with catastrofic results. Although a few brave (or completely stupid) interested have ordered the manufacture of these product and some had satifiying results from thier point of view (for now its almost always pre-ordered)      'Catastrophic', 'satisfying', 'their', 'it's'....  Also, your word choice  ('manufacture' and 'pre-ordered') makes the noble and reclusive race of elves sound like a contemporary TV shopping channel!  Please familiarize yourself with our unique cultures and atmosphere before setting a new concept in place.  It's a pity you didn't take the time to describe some (or one) of the catastrophes, and tell us why they might have occurred - the volatile nature of the metal, improper processing, an error in coal analysis which produced absolutely no angalhach despite an entire coal mine going up in flames?  That would have added a lot of 'flavour' to the entry...


Lore and Legend

Due to its reduced sale, merchants sometimes invent crazy storys to convince people to buy it, example:

"All behold The ever buring torch, lightens up your house forever!,or too cook your meals and garantees for a incredible price, longer life for all who have one in thier house or eat meals heated by this marvelous artifact!"

By 'reduced sale' I presume you mean that it does not sell well, being expensive due to its rarity.   I like this detail and the 'sales pitch' you've described... 'longer life' is particularly funny!

In summation:  Patience, dedication, the ability to accept and incorporate suggestions/critique, and a sense of humour are more cherished qualities in our new developers than even creativity and boundless imagination.  We are a team of widely diverse people from very different cultures, faiths, experiences, and attitudes - tolerance and a good-natured perspective are essential in order to successfully develop here.   If you have what it takes, we welcome you to our Dream.   Close your eyes, open your mind, and dream along with us!


Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Ujalu
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 7


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: 11 July 2006, 01:51:00 »

Its been a long (long long time) time since Ive speaken English (I am North American though)...Long story,not interesting or appropiate right now (focusing on the topic)

Edited by: Ujalu at: 7/10/06 11:16
Logged
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.638


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #9 on: 11 July 2006, 03:56:00 »

You are far from finished nor have you incorporated Judith's comments. So please switch back to the pencil, until you have a lot more. Do a spellcheck.
Note, that we already have a substance which enhances metals (Mithrilan) and is expensive but not as rare as yours .

Mithrilan

Have a look at it. Your submission doesn't have to be as long as this one is, but it should be of a certain  quality.

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Ujalu
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 7


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: 11 July 2006, 12:26:00 »

Ummm I sopose some pacience would be thanked right now, If you see I havent done anything,its obviuos that I havent have time to do it, or read your inecesary comment some people have real lives you know...(anyway, thanks for the thing about Mithrilian)

Any human (Yes, REAL humans in case you havent noticed) can make errors of any kind so just have pacience!

Also;go outside of the square box in front of you and learn that there are other stuff in life than this, and that I cant be all day dependant of what other people are commenting about or how to solve their critics

Changes will be made ...soon

And again..I dont want anymore arguments from now on....ARG!

Edited by: Ujalu at: 7/10/06 20:40
Logged
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.091



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #11 on: 11 July 2006, 12:40:00 »

People just want to help, Ujalu, otherwise they wouldn't have taken time to comment so throughly, you know. These people also have lives I can confirm, and not always easy ones;)

So take it easy, relax, take your time with looking through the suggestions, and update the entry whenever you're ready, okeydokey? :thumbup  


The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...

Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Ujalu
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 7


View Profile
« Reply #12 on: 11 July 2006, 14:54:00 »

Thats in some way what I want them to understand, they cant expect that two min. after they have posted, I give a reply. Anyway Thanks
(I know they want to help and some do a very good job, thumbs up for all of those! )

ALL WORSHIP UMm...HIM!

(This message wasn't left blank)

Edited by: Ujalu at: 7/10/06 22:57
Logged
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.650


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #13 on: 11 July 2006, 16:18:00 »

Tala:  I think Ujalu did not understand that you were asking him to use the Development Icons to indicate the state of readiness of the entry, and instead interpreted your comment about 'using the pencil' as a hint to hurry up and make the changes.

Ujalu:  You really need to use courtesy and consistency in your dealings with people here.  You have already gotten off on the wrong foot by impatience and rudeness to one of our senior Development Board authors/editors.  Please do not compound this with ignorance -  which CAN be remedied by checking out the many helpful links and sticky topics we've provided for newcomers.

 Click the link above to see what Talia was referring to when she asked you to 'use the pencil'.   Also please read through the FAQs for Newcomers which are provided in the Newcomers' Forum - they will prove very helpful if you would like to continue here.  

Take your time, do the reading and research necessary to become familiar with our wonderful world, and it will be rewarding!

Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.638


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #14 on: 12 July 2006, 01:29:00 »

That might be, but he used the exclamation mark, so why doesn't he know, how to use he pencil?
And a polite spellcheck never hurts, even if I want to be rude it comes much better across, if my language is correct :p  lol

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1019
Latest: lolanixon
Stats
Total Posts: 144586
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 127
Online Ever: 700
(23 January 2020, 20:05:39)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 42
Total: 42

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx