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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD. 4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD. 5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title. 6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Narrath Nethbone/ Eophyrhim / Hunter, Adventurer  (Read 742 times)
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Kanthir Whisperwind
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Human, Eyelian Yourth


« Reply #30 on: March 02, 2008, 01:49:12 AM »

Three quick things.
1. You don't need his approximate lifespan, as he might die really early. Just give his actual age.
2. You don't need his age by appearence, again this could vary. For example he could get a disfiguring burn in a RP and therefore look really old.
3. You don't need his intellectual age, as said above he could be exceptionally bright/dumb.

Overall, just put his ACTUAL age and nothing else, purely because, it isn't needed and he could be a very unaverage dude/ette
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To hear the whisper upon the wind,
The calling of the Great Spirit Eagle,
That is my Dream.

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Elyr Fsamr
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« Reply #31 on: March 02, 2008, 06:08:38 AM »

I personally like those sections, and used them in my seedee (my new word for CD). I think they're a nice and quick reference for generally how old they appear, how much training they had, how long their going to live. Although your points are valid when you say these could vary, at least it gives a general idea of these categories. You state that they aren't needed, but I don't see anything wrong with him including them if he wishes to. Basically, we don't have to force people to have that, but we shouldn't not let them have it. Please note this is all IMHO, but I just don't think we should restrict Narrath from using such things if he so chooses. Kinda like going the extra mile, okay maybe the extra yard would be a better reference as this doesn't require that much extra work, but still!
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Narrath
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« Reply #32 on: March 02, 2008, 07:57:36 PM »

I think it adds a bit more info befor reading on. The maine info is there but i do like knowing abit more, just gives a biger pic of the charicters life span and so on :)

Thx for the coments but i wont chang that part know i like it and it give a biger pic of Narrath :)

Thx for your coments and i do read them all :)

« Last Edit: March 02, 2008, 08:02:22 PM by Narrath » Logged
Elyr Fsamr
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« Reply #33 on: March 03, 2008, 02:30:39 AM »

Hello once again Narrath! Let me take a look in this lovely hue of purply-blue!

Strengths:

Narrath has a Hunting Hound as a companion that is also used to help him in battle.

Strong- wild and will try his up most<--utmost to solve the problem in hand. Could you write this in a sentence format?

Defence- He has a good defence stance and will always use his ability to stand his ground in a battle.

Fast- Being a lightweight(comma) he is fast with his reflexes and will always holds a shield in his left hand.

Sword capabilities- Narrath was traind<--trained in the art of swordplay, to defend and then attack, never to attack first(comma) but wait for the right moment to strike. This is a much better way of fighting(period) Narrath then tacks<-- takes control of the battle and will learn his opponent(apostrophe)s way of fighting, looking all the time for a weakness and using it against the opponent.


Poisons- Narrath may also capture creatures and poison them, so he may eat the animal when the poison has worked effectively. This process has made him well-defended against most poisons.


Weaknesses:
 
Anger- Friends of these paint a picture of genteel affluence, respectable and courteous nobles who wish only for their way in their home and nothing more. But those that have been at the wrong end of an Eophyrhim bow claim that they are bloodthirsty creatures of the woods that should be eradicated from the Paelelon at any cost. Either way, the Eophyrhim are mysterious, and though much is claimed to be known of them, not many can prove it. Please do not use direct quotes from the Eophyrhim entry! YOU are supposed to be the writer of this CD!

The Cold-He can't stand the cold or cold winds(period) It makes his focus way off(comma) and he has to where<--wear more cloths<--clothes to keep worm<--warm, and in doing so will slow his attack speed.

Aesthetic- Scaring is not uncommon among the Eophyrhim, who usually perform it on their arms and chest.<--Taken from Eophyrhim entry! When doing Aesthetic scaring(comma) he must be on his own and must take time to heal the wounds inflicted on him.

Travel-The Eophyrhim are rarely seen by foreign travellers, they like the darkness of their forest and the privacy their reputation gives them.<--Taken from the Eophyrhim entry! He only travels by day if he has to.<--I'm not sure this can be counted as a weakness since you say he will do it if he has to. If he didn't do it all, I suppose it would suffice, but you clearly state that he will do it if it is necessary, which therefore it would hardly hinder him, in a dangerous situation for example.

I must say that there are a lot of grammar issues going on in these sections, and would advise you to read through everything below slowly[/i], and try your personal best to weed out these errors. I realize that grammar may not be you high point, but we would appreciate the extra effort on your part if you could attempt to correct some spellings. In addition, I believe anything that was copied from the Eophyrhim entry needs to be removed, plagiarism is not supported here! You state that you have finished the edits from others comments, which you have mostly, but they did point out that you had copied and pasted text, and this was not erraticated. This will need to be removed A.S.A.P. I pointed out a few of the copies in the section I commented on. Finally, there is the ever present issue of balance, one most people struggle with. Either less strengths, or a few more detremental weaknesses will be necessary.
 Just keep working hard, and I hope you'll get your approvals soon!  ;)


Sincerely,
Elyr Fsamr
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Narrath
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« Reply #34 on: April 21, 2008, 01:25:52 AM »

Yes i have dun alot to my CD and i will look into all of the sections in it know, thx so so mush for your comments and I'm going to really look at the CD :) i wont post till i have finished but all comments are willcome.
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Narrath
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« Reply #35 on: May 27, 2008, 03:18:31 PM »

Well i think its all there.

Thanks so much for all your comments and if there is more to add please let me know.
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Elyr Fsamr
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« Reply #36 on: Yesterday at 04:21:56 AM »

Narrath, remember the talk about taking things directly from the site?

Quote
Eye Colour:  Viperene Sand-The background shade of the poisonous but lovely Sand Viper of the Rhaz-Dth Desert in the south of Sarvonia is this light yellow, almost perfectly matching the dry sands.

Quote
The Eophyrhim Hound is a slender dog, particularly light on its feet and strong in loin, specially adopted for swift reflexes and high speed over dangerous, rocky terrain. With pricked and very mobile ears that fold backwards during the chase. The skin is fine and tight over the body. The tail is a most important breed characteristic, long and curved upwards, forming a loose ring and covered with a brush of longer hair underneath. There should be a balance between characteristics of speed and stamina, the conformation being a compromise producing great agility.
The  Hound uses both sight and scent on the hunt and they have a particular tendency to taste the aerial or ground scent.

Why is it that parts of your CD are worded exactly the same as entries on the site? I think you know what you wrote and what you didn't, now please remove these and replace them with things you actually wrote.

Also, there are spelling errors that I have pointed out in the past that are still wrong. For example 'cote' in the appearance section should be spelled 'coat.' I have said this in past comment. I know you may have trouble with spelling, but that is why I am telling you how to correctly spell a word, is so that you can fix it, and it doesn't read so choppily, because some one has to decipher what a word is.

I hope I do not sound gruff, but I have repeated myself numerous times and echoed the comments of others. Please make the adjustments.... I feel ignored. Undecided
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