Adventures of Caelereth

--Name:...........Jeréth Ancalídormis
--Age:.............1300 a.S. (367 years old)
--Height:..........2.2 Peds
--Weight:.........2.8 Pygges
--Race: .......... Elf
--Tribe:............Mélad'rhím
--Eyes: ............Predominantly silver but contains blue
--Hair: ............. Shoulder length white hair
--Skin: .............Very Pale
--Occupation:....Hunter/Healer
--Title:.............The Hand of Armeros


Physical Appearance:
His complexion is very pale, almost light gray. His face is sharp and has angular features, with elf-ears that point almost sideways. his hair is a bit longer than shoulder length and is naturally pure white streaked with silver. His eyes are very haunting to look at, they are a pale silver color with a slight blue along the outside edge. His overall body type is common to his tribe, he has a more muscular tone than other elves, and his shoulders are broader than others as well. He has 5 tattoos in gray ink: 1 tattoo of interlocking lines on each of his upper arms; 2 triangle shaped tattoos on his face, one on each cheek; and 1 tattoo of interlocking lines on his pubic area.

Clothes:
He almost always wears thick, uniform gray robes under a large-ragged black cloak, which looks rather like a wraith’s cloak when the hood is up. Couple that with his haunting eyes and his powerful deep voice, he can easily cause extreme fear in others.

Personality:
He is naturally suspicious, but is trusting none the less, unless an individual has done something to make him wary. He’s rather mellow but he always had a sad look on his timeless face, which gives him an powerful elegance. He has a firm, deep voice that seems to magnify when he’s angered. When he comes across a new person he is neutral in his feelings toward the person, and let’s their actions speak for their personalities. Most people find him to be a warm-hearted elf that is generous and trustworthy. When it comes to members of the opposite sex, he is strangely seductive and alluring, even when he’s not trying. He never wears his emotions on his sleeve, but not afraid to speak his mind. Even though he will speak his mind, he is almost always calm, rarely getting upset.

----History:
I had an odd childhood. For one, I cannot remember most of it, due to a cold I contracted at five winters, losing most of my memories prior and slightly after, but other than that I was unaffected. During my seventh summer my father taught me how to hunt, as he discovered that I found gathering nuts, fruits, and berries very taxing and boring to boot.

I grew adept at herb-lore as the years went by, This was mainly a side effect of my mother's passing, for she was our healer. I began my training during my twelve years for my tribes needed a new healer to make remedies or potions. Near my 23th winter I encountered some human children of the Kuglimz tribe, hiding from an Argrothin bear, they had killed her only cub. I tried to scare the bear off by throwing rocks at her but she wouldn't back down.

I drew a spear and hurled at the bear, which hit her in the left back leg. This angered her but she returned to reaching into the crevice where the children lay. I threw another rock at her, she turned away from the terror-struck children and charged at me and I dodged her claw and rolled away from her. I picked up another spear and threw it with all my might.

The spear entered the bear's shoulder. She lost her balance from the pain, making her fall on the spear shaft, breaking the spear off in the wound and driving it in deeper. I stood there with another spear in my hands for a few seconds in shock, then I turned away and vomited. I couldn't believe I survived the encounter so I was very nervous and I felt ill.

After I awoke from the shock, I got the children to come out of the crack in the waterfall cave and took them back to their encampment. The Kuglimz thanked me with many gifts but I told them that I could not accept them. They told me they would dearly like to repay me for my deed so I settled with a basket of odd spears they obtained threw trade with the Cholians, a small amount of cloth and leather and some Alth'mon. I thanked them for their generosity and wished them farewell.

I became a husband to the most beautiful woman in my tribe, Morwen Telemnar, during my 97th summer. I loved her with all my heart, but it didn't last. One winter later, she died in childbirth. After this I lost much of my will to live, I drifted through life without hope or happiness. I wanted to die and end it, Near the end I decided that life was too harsh. I tried to kill myself.  I will not explain how, for it pains me to think of it. The god's must of intervened, for I survived and became more than the pathetic fool that wandered through life. I became the best Hunter in my tribe at the time and my knowledge of herb-lore surpassed all others. I became a priest for the temple, Avá’ewelín, and remained there for many winters.

When I reached my 137th birthday, I decided to leave the temple to live amongst the Centoraurian tribe. I purchased a Black Kev'lor Warhorse from an odd trader, I think he may have been a thief but I didn't think upon it anymore. I renamed her Wraith, as her coat shimmered with an unearthly glow at times.

I remained with the Centoraurian tribe for a few winters, learning more about weapons such as lances and swords, and fought at the revolt at Vardynn but left before it went far. I traveled and took up residence in the Mithral Mountains at 123 winters and remained there for another 142 winters.

I became bored with the mountain’s beauty and left during my 265th spring. I wandered through Southern Santharia and back to Northern Santharia, and returned to my tribe and father. I remained with him until he died at 589 winters (366 winters for me) and traveled to where I now sit, on the banks of the Southern Foothills, in a small camp, thinking upon my life.

Weapon Description:
Double-Edged Scythelance with a head made of Steel, this head has small notches along the edge, which contain small shards of obsidian. These shards are screwed into the head which allow for a quick repair. Jeréth has a large bag of them for repairs.

The shaft is made of a stained composite wood sanded down to remove imperfections.  A thin layer of goat fat covers the shaft to prevent water damage, which can spoil the wood.

Various Blessings, many of which are of the god Armeros, are engraved down its entire length and filled with silver caps adding beauty.


      ---Strengths---

---Battle hardened:
Due to his extensive combat training, He has gained nerves of steel and a mind as sharp as iron as well as a powerful physique. In combat, He is precise and calculated, making measured attacks calmly.

---Scythes:
He trained from the age 7 to use a staff and holds a near timeless knowledge of their strengths, weaknesses, combat styles, etc.

---Hunting/Tracking:
Raised in a nomadic tribe and later the life of a wanderer, has given him a near limitless ability to track and hunt, both animals and higher races alike.

---Herb-lore:
His mother was the main healer in his tribe. She taught him about plants and their uses at a young age. When she died, he trained further and took up the position of healer in her place. He traveled later in life and learned about everything there is to know about plants and other objects used in healing.


      ---Weaknesses---

Blackouts:
He suffers from blackouts when under extreme stress or pressure. When he becomes conscious, he is unaware of what happened and can’t remember where he is.

Looks:
Because of his appearance, he cannot blend in very well with his surroundings, making it hard for him to hide from others.

An Apathetic Aura:
Due to the loss of his first love, he often seems distant and sad. The sadness his body seems to give off through his aura tends to spread to others around him. Most will only feel mildly uncomfortable, more empathetic people can sometimes feel his 'pain'.

Weapons:
2 Double-Edges

Belongings:
2 Weapons
2 Thick gray robes
1 Large-ragged black cloak
1 Duffel bag to carry food, clothes, etc.
2 Wedding bands (one belonged to his wife and the other belongs to him)

Just looking over this, I think you'll need quite a bit more detail.  "Very muscular" for the physical description isn't enough; we need to be able to see Jereth walking down the street.  Is he very tall, does he walk confidently or with a limp?  Does he have scars or tattoos, or maybe a constant glare?   The personality leads to be lengthened, as this, next to history (which is also missing) is the most important thing about your character.  A grim outlook doesn't tell us how he goes about every day, whether he is talkative or silent, whether he enjoys other's company or not, why he is so grim (no one is born unhappy!) etc.  Take a look at some of the other approved CD's to get an idea. 

Also, none of this character seems to go with the Ak'vath'rhim lifestyle.  He's a warrior (they live in their own self-importance), is running about in Southern Sarvonia (Ak'vath'rhim generally think they're the only living creatures left in Caelereth), and uses fire (they are skilled in water, and nothing seems to be mentioned about fire).  You could easily fix these by picking a different tribe, or reading through the whole Ak'vath'rhim article. 

Lastly, some basic things the mods will scold you about before they even read over your cd: you can't use mithral in your CD (restricted item, not mined anymore) and you can't have someone who--apparently, though the description is very vague--who is skilled in both weapons and magic.  It makes them too powerful. 

Good luck!

thank you, Leida Kereborn, i have mad some changes to better suite me and my class.

It's looking much better already, though a history section is still missing.  You should have the pencil icon up if your CD is missing sections, so people don't come telling you that sections are missing (like me, ha).  I'll read through the whole thing later when I'm feeling less lazy. :)

that part i hate but i'll do it in a hour or so.

history section complete

yes, i believe the CD is finished...

Well, a complete CD requires a complete look over by a completely awesome person. Coments will be completely blue

Name:...........Jereth Ancalídormis
Age:.............47 That is immensely young for an elf. Try using the elven aging calculator thats on the main site, use the search function.
Height:..........2.2 Peds
Weight:.........2.8 Pygees
Race: .......... Elf
Tribe:............Mélad'rhím
Eyes: ............stone gray
Hair: ............. 3 inches of spikey-white hair Is he so vain that he actually goes through the energy to spike up his hair, it would be difficult to do on a regular basis, and isn't really a common hair style.
Skin: .............Very Pale
Occupation:....Tracker/Alchemist
Title:.............The Hand of Armeros

Weapon:.......Sparth Spear called Quicktongue
Mount/Familiar: Wraithkin (Kev'lor Warhorse)



Weapon Description:
Sparth Spear: has a rough but very very sharp triangular head made of adamant Diamond? That is a very brittle spearhead. Decorative?. The shaft is made of hard wood that has been sanded down to its core to remove imperfections. A thin layer of goat fat covers the shaft to prevent damage from water that can spoil the wood. intricate Carvings  of the blessing of Armeros are engraved down its entire length and filled with silver caps adding grip. As spearheads tend to get caught into the flesh, muscle and bones of their enemy, Jereth had a back cut on it to remove this annoying side-effect due to the head's value, which is substantial. Very substantial, you are going to need a good reason to have such an expensive spear head.

Mount Description:
Wraithkin: Black Kev'lor Warhorse with silver mane, tail and lower hair on legs. red eyes. 6 fores high. about 245 hebs. You are going to need a reason as to how you aquired this animal, it is a kuglimz horse. Also the coloration needs to fit the description.

History:
   Jereth had an odd childhood, for one he can’t remember most of it because he got a cold at 5 and lost most of his memories prior to it and slightly after it but other than that he was unaffected. he was rather tall for his age and unnaturally strong, which the latter got him a bad reputation as a bully even though he never did anything to anyone. why? He learned early that no one, save his mother, would help him hunt Deer or gather nuts, fruits, or berries. why? was he ugly?

   He grew adept at tracking and herblore at a young age because of his partial exile from his tribe. I don't understand why he is exiled. Elves don't dislike someone simply because he is tall, they are all tall. He later redeemed himself from that unfair judgement when he saved some fellow children by killing an Argrothin Bear with 3 short-spears near the Mountains of Oro when they all wandered off to track some Woolly Boars. I cannot imagine how a child could defeat a bear in combat When he reached his 13th birthday he gained a friend for life, Wraithkin, his Black Kev'lor Warhorse that had been bred for him You are going to need a better story than that. He would be very young at that age.. Then on his 17th birthday, With his horse, he left his tribe on his first real adventure. That is a very young elf to leave the tribe.

   He traveled south and began hunting and tracking bounties for a living when he was 21. Why would this elf want to be a bounty hunter? It doesn't fit the elvish mindset. He failed many times until he traded some weapons he’d taken as payment for a Sparth Spear. He was amazed by its simplicity yet effectiveness in battle. He traveled for 6 years studying Cholian designs while improving upon his Sparth.

   Near his 28th birthday he took on one bounty that was a godsend. he was tracking a human who stole priceless gems from The Bone Queen of Fá'áv'cál'âr south of that kingdom. Impossbile. Firstly no human could steal anything from her without her wanting him too. He would just be a play thing to her, before she broke him. He found and he killed the man and returned the gems.There is no way you would be so stupid as to actively look for the bone queen. She would kill you if she saw you.

   The Bone Queen asked him if he wanted any reward for his service. He declined and turned to exit when he herd a loud clank behind him, he turned to see a adamant gem the size of a small cat. He told her he couldn’t accept it. It was worth far more than him. Impossible. She wouldn't do that.

   She in turn told him that he could use it in making a new weapon, like a spear... he left the kingdom and hired some dwarves to shape it into a spear head resembling the one on his sparth. They did this but brought up its combat effectiveness to his attention. Read some of the stories on the bone queen, not only are they quite good, they paint a picture of a woman entirely different than the woman you portray.

   He remembered that the heads tended to break off in the enemy making it almost impossible to remove from the corpse after use. They looked at it and added what they called a back cut. They said that they did this to hand-drills so they wouldn’t dull so easily and didn’t get jammed in rocks.

   After the sparth was finished he tried it out on some trees in front their cave. The sparth easily went through 5,6 even 7 trees without getting stuck, which gave loose on a gentle pull from the tree. He left with a smile and his coin bag empty to continue his adventure. Alot of your history simply doesn't fit. He sounds more like a human than an elf. I would cut out interacting with the bone queen. I would think that a diamond blade would crack. Perhaps if it had small shards of daimond imbeded into the blade that would be more sencible. I am thinking something like an aztec spear, but with diamond instead of obsidian. It would be ineffective against armored foes, but truely devistating against soft targets. I can't imagine the haft, you, or the spearhead not breaking when you slam it into a tree.


Appearance:

Clothes-
1/10 inch thick Black-Leather leggings with inner fur linings for warmth and Iron boots with Black-Leather linings. Fine iron chain-mail to help turn arrows underneath a Black-Leather Vest with inner fur linings. iron bracer's with spines on the outer-forearm to catch sword swings.

Physical-
Athletic body with powerful limbs. tattoos of interlocking lines on upper arms, tattoo of interlocking lines on his lower chest (just north of his "area") Simply describing the tattoo as being near his naval might be more apt., and a line tattoo of a Dravilonia on his upper chest. many battle scars with many causes covering upper arms, chest, legs, and one large scar on his left cheekbone.

Personality: Very intelligent with kindness and compassion, very respectful, often never talks around others unless spoken to (unless it is a woman). grim humor and a love for the ladies (goes gah-gah over high-beauty elves). thought to be a bit of a womanizer although no one can prove it.

Strengths:
Spear: Grew up hunting or fishing with spears but he began learning the ways of battle at 13.
Herblore: Due to his peoples nomadic lifestyle he often practiced alchemy and herblore to cure wounds and diseases inflicting his people.
Tracking: he's very good at tracking due to his origins

Weaknesses:
Pride: Very proud and it can be hurt easily. Anyone can be proud and everyone can be hurt fairly easily
Temper: He's set off easily and will attack without mercy, which tends to get him in a lot of trouble. Not much of a weakness. I have a temper, I do just fine.
Mélad'rhím Nomadic Lifestyles: Due to Mélad'rhím lifestyles he often is overwhelmed by large cities and their large population and will get lost for hours on end.

I want to see some real weaknesses.

Familiars:
Wraithkin, his Black Kev'lor Warhorse. bred for him at a the end of his 13th winter. Why is this horse bred for him? Why would a kuglimz give him a well bred horse, that is quite a gift.

Belongings:
his leather and iron armor, his adamant-head sparth spear he calls Quicktongue, a large bag of coins, and a silver necklace that belonged to his mother.

answer to Kain Cristar

 I will do my answer in Red and change things in yellow

Well, a complete CD requires a complete look over by a completely awesome person. Comments will be completely  blue   I doubt this fact

--Name:...........Jereth Ancalídormis
--Age:.............107  That is immensely young for an elf. Try using the elven aging calculator that is on the main site, use the search function.  This I have done a long time ago but I will age him from 47 to 107
--Height:..........2.2 Peds
--Weight:.........2.8 Pygees
--Race: .......... Elf
--Tribe:............Mélad'rhím
--Eyes: ............stone gray
--Hair: ............. 3 inches of spikey-white hair  Is he so vain that he actually goes through the energy to spike up his hair, it would be difficult to do on a regular basis, and isn't really a common hair style.  He's not vain, he just enjoys being a little different and he's in a warmer climate now so short hair is easier to manage
--Skin: .............Very Pale
--Occupation:....Tracker/Alchemist
--Title:.............The Hand of Armeros
--Weapon:.......Sparth Spear called Quicktongue
--Mount/Familiar: Wraithkin (Kev'lor Warhorse)



Weapon Description: Jereth’s spear has a rough but very very sharp triangular head made of adamant  Diamond? That is a very brittle spearhead. Decorative?  Diamond or Adamant is the hardest element in existence so I doubt its brittle. The shaft is made of hard wood that has been sanded down to its core to remove imperfections. A thin layer of goat fat covers the shaft to prevent damage from water that can spoil the wood. intricate Carvings  of the blessing of Armeros are engraved down its entire length and filled with silver caps adding grip. As spearheads tend to get caught into the flesh, muscle and bones of their enemy, Jereth had a back cut on it to remove this annoying side-effect due to the head's value, which is substantial.  Very substantial, you are going to need a good reason to have such an expensive spear head. Stated in history section

---Mount Description: Black Kev'lor Warhorse with silver mane, tail and lower hair on legs. red eyes. 6 fores high. about 245 hebs.  You are going to need a reason as to how you acquired this animal, it is a kuglimz horse. Also the coloration needs to fit the description.  See History Section

----History: Jereth had an odd childhood, for one he can’t remember most of it because he got a cold at 5 and lost most of his memories prior to it and slightly after it but other than that he was unaffected. he was rather tall for his age and unnaturally strong, which the latter got him a bad reputation as a bully even though he never did anything to anyone.  why?  His Unnatural strength lead to this belief He learned early that no one, save his mother, would help him hunt Deer or gather nuts, fruits, or berries.  why? was he ugly?  he was shunted for his bullying rep

   He grew adept at tracking and herblore at a young age because of his partial exile from his tribe.  I don't understand why he is exiled. Elves don't dislike someone simply because he is tall, they are all tall.  It's was because he could lift 2 hebs by the age of 5 via his unnatural strength and it wasn't an actual exile, but rather a exile from their respect as they feared he was evil or a demon of some sort. (I know the reason for his strength but I’m not going to just state it to everyone.)  He later redeemed himself from that unfair judgement when he saved some fellow children by killing an Argrothin Bear with 3 short-spears near the Mountains of Oro when they all wandered off to track some Woolly Boars.  I cannot imagine how a child could defeat a bear in combat  okay...  Step 1: I lift a spear and throw it into the bear’s face. Step 2: The spear enters the bear’s face. Step 3: The bear, now with a spear in his face, goes down. Step 4: The bear dies. Step 5: I throw 2 more spears into the bear to make sure its dead. Any questions?

When he reached his 13th birthday he gained a friend for life, Wraithkin, his Black Kev'lor Warhorse that had been bred for him  by his tribe so that he could travel alone, which was his wish. You are going to need a better story than that. He would be very young at that age.. Added portion above Then on his 17th birthday, With his horse, he left his tribe on his first real adventure.  That is a very young elf to leave the tribe.  Maybe... but every elf is different.

   He traveled south and began hunting and tracking bounties for a living when he was 21. he accepted such a job because he believes that justice must and will be served (this stems from his unfair childhood).  Why would this elf want to be a bounty hunter? It doesn't fit the elvish mind set.  who decides how they think, you?  He failed many times until he traded some weapons he’d taken as payment for a Sparth Spear. He was amazed by its simplicity yet effectiveness in battle. He traveled for 6 years studying Cholian designs while improving upon his Sparth.

     Near his 28th winter he was wandering in the kingdom of Fá'áv'cál'âr (he didn't know where he was because he wanders around and has no real destination or map). he was attacked and captured by guards and taken to a courtroom where he was charged with theft of gems. he protested to this charge and struck a deal for his life, he was to track the culprit and return the gems. he searched the treasure room until he found what he was looking for, some foot prints of light ash, they where that of a night elf. he left the bone queen's sanctuary, under watchful eye of a guard so he couldn't run for it.

 he searched for any tracks  near the castle. He found some and ‘followed’ them to the owner of them.  Impossible. Firstly no human could steal anything from her without her wanting him too. He would just be a play thing to her, before she broke him.  Changed to night elf and know one knows everything happening in their kingdom.
He found and he killed the Night elf and returned the gems.  There is no way you would be so stupid as to actively look for the bone queen. She would kill you if she saw you.  I didn't go looking for anything, I wandered into the kingdom.
The Bone Queen cleared him of any false judgement and gave him an official title, The Hand of Armeros.

She then asked him if he wanted any reward for his service. He declined and turned to exit when he heard a loud clank behind him, he turned to see a adamant gem the size of a small cat. He told her he couldn’t accept it. It was worth far more than him.  Impossible. She wouldn't do that.  you sure know her well (she’s a Mythological figure so you don’t know how she’d react to such a moment).

   She in turn told him that he could use it in making a new weapon, like a spear... he left the kingdom and hired some dwarves to shape it into a spear head resembling the one on his sparth. They did this but brought up its combat effectiveness to his attention.  Read some of the stories on the bone queen, not only are they quite good, they paint a picture of a woman entirely different than the woman you portray.  I didn’t say she liked me or she was happy but she has honour and her past would cause her to react this way.

   He remembered that the heads tended to break off in the enemy making it almost impossible to remove from the corpse after use. They looked at it and added what they called a back cut. They said that they did this to hand-drills so they wouldn’t dull so easily and didn’t get jammed in rocks.

   After the sparth was finished he tried it out on some trees in front their cave. The sparth easily went through 5 trees without getting stuck, which gave loose on a gentle pull from the tree. He left with a smile and his coin bag empty to continue his adventure.  A lot of your history simply doesn't fit. He sounds more like a human than an elf. I would cut out interacting with the bone queen. I would think that a diamond blade would crack. Perhaps if it had small shards of diamond imbeded into the blade that would be more sensible. I am thinking something like an Aztec spear, but with diamond instead of obsidian. It would be ineffective against armored foes, but truly devastating against soft targets. I can't imagine the haft, you, or the spearhead not breaking when you slam it into a tree.  ah, micro blades of the Aztecs. Hell no... pardon the language but no... obsidian is one of the weakest rocks in existence, even wood is harder than obsidian. Diamond won’t break even if it hits a iron tree

----Clothes: 1/10 inch thick Black-Leather leggings with inner fur linings for warmth and Iron boots with Black-Leather linings. Fine iron chain-mail to help turn arrows underneath a Black-Leather Vest with inner fur linings. iron bracer's with spines on the outer-forearm to catch sword swings.

----Physical: Athletic body with powerful limbs. tattoos of interlocking lines on upper arms, tattoo of interlocking lines on his lower chest, just north of his naval, and a line tattoo of a Dravilonia on his upper chest. many battle scars with many causes covering upper arms, chest, legs, and one large scar on his left cheekbone.

----Personality: Very intelligent with kindness and compassion, very respectful, often never talks around others unless spoken to (unless it is a woman). grim humor and a love for the ladies (goes gah-gah over high-beauty elves). thought to be a bit of a womanizer although no one can prove it.

----Strengths:
--Strength: Unnatural strength he’s had since he was young. (I will give the reason for this on moderator’s request via Private Message)
–Staves: Grew up hunting or fishing with spears but he began learning the ways of battle at 13.
--Herblore: Due to his peoples nomadic lifestyle he often practiced alchemy and herblore to cure wounds and diseases inflicting his people.
--Tracking: he's very good at tracking due to his origins

----Weaknesses:
--Intelligence: He grew up always on the move so he never really had much of a education.
--Mélad'rhím Nomadic Lifestyles: Due to Mélad'rhím lifestyles he often is overwhelmed by large cities and their large population and will get lost for hours on end.
--Nearsighted, figuratively: lives in the now, poor at planning long-term, doesn't think anything through so he makes crucial mistakes.
--wanderlust: he cannot make himself stay in one place for too long or he will begin to hallucinate, eventually becoming paranoid, and sooner or later he’ll start attacking others unprovoked.

----Familiars: Wraithkin, his Black Kev'lor Warhorse. bred for him by his tribe at a the end of his 13th winter.

----Belongings: his leather and iron armor, his adamant-head sparth spear he calls Quicktongue, a large bag of coins, and a silver chain necklace that belonged to his mother.

Jereth, try to avoid telling people they're wrong when they comment on your CD, especially people who have more experience in Santharia like Kain.  He's not telling you these things because of some arbitrary rules, but because they don't make sense in the world of Caelereth.  Though you say things like, "Spear enters bear's face" it just isn't plausible that a small boy would have the fortitude and clarity of mind to stand there against an oncoming bear and launch a spear with enough force and strength and proper aim to impale a bear.  Just take his comments into consideration rather than saying "No, your wrong, because 'everyone is different'."  It's a little disrespectful and presumptuous to say you know more when you're not even titled.

But that's just my two sans.  I've already read through the CD before and given my comments.  :)

for my past arrogance i am deeply sorry, i'm not in the most happy of moods. forgive me.


Armeros, i've dishonoured you.

That's ok, we all have bad days.  Just try to incorporte Kain's comments instead of disputing them.  Trust me, he knows what he's talking about (took my CD in a whole new direction!).  :D

indeed but i hate when we must be the same as everyone else. (occupation, steriotypes, etc.)

Who says you have to be the same as everyone else?  There are, of course, certain rules and restrictions you have to play by, as in all games, but there's literally a whole world here where your character can thrive without encountering mythical characters are performing unreasonable feats.  He shouldn't be completely plain, of course, for that makes for boring playing, but he should be realistic.  Your guy's an alchemist, so maybe he's spent his life tracking rare and exotic materials to transform into gold.  Have fun with it!  There's no reason you can't abide by basic restrictions and norms and still be an intensely interesting and diverse character. 

i know and fully agree with you but some things he stated got me angered. diamonds are not brittle and why must a person be vain if he wears his hair different than what is acceptable. elves are not always pure so why can't they be bounty hunters. and between you and I, his spelling and grammar  are Atrocious

Perhaps he was mistaking it for some other stone?  I don't know about Kain, but some people aren't native English speakers and can sometimes make little mistakes like that (not frequently, though).  There isn't gel in Santharia, so it's difficult for someone to spike their hair up on a regular basis without some kind of medieval "product."  Having to seek out this product and apply it daily to keep his hair styled would, in some cultures, be considered vain.  Not saying his hair can't be short, but spiking it up is a little much in a medieval setting.  Of course an Elf can be a bounty hunter--the thing you're missing here is why he decided to become one instead of following the paths of his tribe.  His shunning by the tribe as a youth is not well explained; his super-strength can't simply be a secret.  If it's something you really feel must be kept hidden, pm a mod and let them know, don't just say you're not going to tell anyone about it.  Since his shunning is unclear, we can't really follow your conclusion that he suddenly decides to be a bounty hunter to right the wrongs of the world.  A bounty hunter isn't there to fight injustice, anyway; they take in who they are paid to take in, like assassins.  A bounty hunter with a conflicted conscience, though, is interesting.  A la Han Solo; who doesn't love Han Solo? 

Anyway, I think the main problem here is lack of detail.  Really go all-out in your CD; this is your one place to shine and show off all there is to know about your character.  We want to know all the little secrets about him, even if he himself can't remember patches of his life.  If you have any big questions, field them in other parts of the forum and someone is bound to answer you, or if you can't find them on the main site (unlikely, but it happens), check out the dev forum and see if they have something there.

And I certainly hope you're kidding about Kain's spelling and grammar.

i'll that this into consideration.  :))

I have never had anyone question me like that. For the majority of your answers, I am going to say "Trust me, I know what I am doing."

I am going to start with the one that made me laugh. The bone queen. Read the stories on her and you might understand, then read my Santharian Entry. The Midnight Blade. The bone queen used it. I have talked to the creater of the stories and the character about character. She would never do anything you said she did. If you don't beleive me, PM Dala and ask for her opinion. Before you make a fool of yourself, here are a few select quotes.

"Then she smiled briefly, biting her lower lip with her white, sharp teeth in a morbidly girlish gesture of glee. "Entrails. Perfect." Her eyes flared white-gold for a brief moment before returning to its normal dark shade.

The sobbing man started to scream, a long, drawn out howl of pain that hurt Garth's ears. He dropped the mandolin on the floor and covered his ears, unable to tear his eyes away from the suddenly writhing man before him.

As the boy watched, he could see a thin red slit appearing in the middle of the prisoner's stomach, stretching from his chest and down to his stomach. Then, as if invisible hands were pulling at either side of the line, his flesh was ripped open with a shockingly loud tearing sound. His innards poured out into a heap before his feet, still steaming with wet heat

It took him a long time to die."


I hope that clairifies things. She doesn't give gifts, she kills people.

As for diamond blades. Hardness doesn't mean it can't lose its edge. A daimond spearhead is simply not as usefull as you think. Secondly, it is likely to get you killed. That spearhead could save a starving man, and bring greedy men to kill.

You were talking about killing a bear. I don't think you realize how young a 13 year old elf is, nor how strong and fast a bear is. If you want the battle, write out a good battle scene.

Vainity. It would take time and energy and money to get the things it would take to spike up your hair. It takes a vain warrior to put it up in spikes. A warrior who simply wants the hair out of the way will shave his head.

You are not Kuglimz. I need to know why a Kuglimz warhorse was given to you. The elves wont use them, read up one the horses history.

As for age. Your character will live to be 600 years old, and will appear to be 47 @ around 400 years old. You will have the knowlege of a 17 year old human @ around 29 years of age. at the age of 13 you will have the physical appearance of a seven year old. Use the calculator and change your ages because at this point it reads ridiculous. at the age of 17 you will have the appearance of a ten year old. A ten you old boy does not last well on his own. 17 is too young to leave the tribe.

Your CD needs to list all of your strengths and weaknesses. If it isn't listed, the character doesn't have it. Elves are not the sort to outcast a boy because he is big and strong. They are very philosophical. I don't decide the elvish mindset, its on the site.

Any Meladrhim worth anything would know to avoid the Bone Queen.

As for the obsidan blades. I was suggesting to use diamond edges in that way. Obsidian is also wicked sharp, don't underestimate its capability. A skilled warrior doesn't need to break his blade to cut his foe. Obsidian is vey hard, and very brittle. Wood is not as hard as obsidian, but it is much stronger.


Mostly for Leida's knowlege, I am from the US, California.

I figured it wasn't because of non-English capabilities.   Pardon me while I go bask in my idiocy. :lipsrsealed:

  Please forgive me for joining the party late.  Jereth, if you wouldn't mind I'd like to present an idea to you.

  Have you seen movies, TV shows, et al. where the defense attorney will prepare his client by tearing them to pieces, exposing every flaw they have in their story, and taking them down a couple of pegs?  This same client asked for the attorney's help, and (in the defense lawyer's case, not the case in Santharia) the client has even paid the defense attorney to verbally abuse them!

  And the next day, the prosecution attorneys have nothing to use against the defendant--no unexplained time lapses, no character flaws left unaddressed, not a single reason to reject the exposition presented by the defendant.

  Kain's hard.  He was hard on me, too, twice.  Where I'm going with this is that, the polite and cordial mods who give a "Yea" or a "Nay" won't bother with asking, "How could this be done better?"  If they give any reply to a CD they don't approve of, it might be as simple as "Nay" without anything further.  Okay, realistically most would give you some justification for not approving your character, but that still doesn't change the wait time to have your character looked at again after your first rejection.

  The editing process is harsh and destructive.  But know that your creativity is infinite and boundless, and you can create magnificent things.  Tap into that, and put it on the Board!  Create Jereth in every detail you imagine of him.  Make him *alive*.

  Good luck with your creation, Jereth!

An afterthought that was really the whole point of my rant:

My CD was better off because Kain cut deep at exactly the things I wanted to hold onto.

Wow. I feel like I have a hit squad to back me up. Really, I just need your character to fit into the world, and be the best character he can be.

hmm... prehaps you could suggest a better person to supply the Adamant, a dwarf for instance?

as stated in a past post, i'm sorrry for my prior rudeness but my Temper got the best of me. (see its a weakness!)

Well you won't have to deal with the diamond problem anyways.  Firstly, Sparths don't have adamant heads, they are made out of stone and metal and the like.  Secondly, the staffs are found only in Aeruillin, thus a Melad'rhim elf would most definatly not come in contact with one.  The Cholains are very protective of their weapons, and, unless you are from the tribe or from an ally, you aren't going to get one. Thirdly, to prevent and arrogant remarks, I can assure you these facts are all correct.  THough it might have been a while ago(as denoted by the poor style) I wrote the Sparth entry for the site.

I traded some weapons for a sparth spear as stated in my history section and I am a friend of some other them. the adamant spear-head was to remove the flaw in its design, which makes them get stuck in the flesh or breaks off.

I promise not to snap on anyone anymore else Coór may have my blood. I truely require this weapon but prehaps I can change the spearhead to some other substance (I hope it doesn't come to that).

I know Cholains don't use Adamant in their design but i'm not Cholain, it was suppose to be a stroke of genius on my part.

P.S. for the record, I've read most if not all sections of www.santharia.com, so I know all of which you speak of. :grin:

All right, I may be new but I have grown up with horses so I know what I'm talking about when I say horses never live pass the age of about 25-30 usually. Also, what happened in that huge gap in your history? You leave off at the age of about 30 when you help the bone queen and then on your CD it says your 107. What happened to that missing about 80 years?

i don't know, i wandered around. as for the horse i don't know. my character was orginally 37 so it worked but not now. i'll have to to something about that.

It looks good to me save a thing or two... But then, things have changed since last I was here, so I'm not sure if I should make any comments...

i'm taking all comments into account but my good high goddess! your more vicious than a solar dragon!

Well, after I did a little research on the problems I had seen, I found that they are no longer problems now. Thats what happens when your gone for a year, whatever the reason.

Quote from The Mélad'rhím Page:::::

They also keep a few kev'lor horses that are well tended to......

..... the favoured weapon then the elf must trade for one and they can be obtained by the Kuglimz..... ::::::unquote there.
they do have kev'lor horses.

i could use some more help... just make sure you check before you comment as i may have changed it already... thank you.

  Salutations, Bounty Hunter Jereth!  Forgive me for not commenting sooner; you had the comment on your CD that your were still revising, and I wanted to wait till you had finished.
Please take no offense from my comments, colored green.


(Order of sections rearranged thus:
Physical Appearance
Clothing
Personality
History
Strengths
Weaknesses
Weapon
Belongings
Familiar/Steed)

 

  Okay, good sir, I'd advise you to start by mopping up technical things: Punctuation, unnecessary capital letters, run-on sentences, and unclear wording.  Once you've scrubbed these up, I'll check back to see how it's coming.  Good luck!

I would myself like to see more out of his personality, because it seems that everyone wants to give a person a general type of personality, and there a few main types that i see commonly. The point is, that it is quite too simple, as any person who looks simplistic has much depth and intellect and philosophies under that fleshy exterior. You gave a decent description, but it doesn't seem anywhere near a work of art. Tell us some of his deeper thoughts, such as how he sees others as lower than himself secretly, and that reflects upon the way he acts often. Or you could state that he has a harmless air inside, and much wisdom stored within, which means he tends to make good decisions and is very humble in his manner, although it pains him to see the degenerate filth around him that has no true intelligence or self control, harmful beasts running about killing without pity, and somehow never reflecting upon their true natures inside and the fact that the things they do destroy them inside and give a reverse effect upon enlightenment.



That might be a bit too complex for you, since it would make the cd take quite a while, but i think i gave a good example of how deep a personification of the usually dull, lifeless character you see, which hardly reflects the person role playing, who seems to have not brought much of themselves into their work. But i do accept that it is wrong to completely copy yourself into a different exterior without any unique properties, and it is very stimulating to play a person with a more insane, or hateful approach to others...

There is nothing wrong with playing an average person with no "unique" personality traits.

It was just a suggestion for a sense of colour to the character, to give a personification of the usually dull roleplaying character's mind...

That was sort of what i was going for but he's just a quiet, straight-to-the-point guy with little voice in him unless necessary.

Comments Awaiting

I will get to you later tonight ^.^

I have a list of people I am going to do checks for <3

ok

--Name:...........Jeréth Ancalídormis
--Age:.............367 years old.
looks: 32 years old
knowledge & training: 44 year old
maximum: 600 years.
{The writing in green is not necessary in your CD. Its for your comparison needs only.}

--Height:..........2.2 Peds
--Weight:.........2.8 Pygees
--Race: .......... Elf
--Tribe:............Mélad'rhím
--Eyes: ............Predominantly silver but contains blue
--Hair: ............. 4 palmspans of white hair
--Skin: .............Very Pale
--Occupation:....Bounty Hunter
--Title:.............The Hand of Armeros
--Weapon:.......Sparth Spear called Quicktongue
--Mount/Familiar: Wraithkin (Kev'lor Warhorse)

Weapon Description: Jeréth’s spear has a rough but very very sharp triangular head made of steel with very small shards of obsidian, pointed slightly towards the tip, are screwed into the head which allow for a quick repair, since Jeréth has a large bag of them. {This is a run-on sentence and doesn't really make a lot of sense. You can easily break it into at least 2 sentences for easier reading and understanding.} The shaft is made of hard wood that has been sanded down to its core to remove imperfections.{Maybe pick out a specific type of hard wood, as certain woods make better weapons than others.} A thin layer of goat fat covers the shaft to prevent water damage from water that can spoil the wood. Intricate carvings of the Blessing of Armeros are engraved down its entire length and filled with silver caps adding grip. As spearheads tend to get caught into the flesh, muscle, and bones of their enemy, Jeréth had a back cut on it to remove this annoying side-effect due to the head's design value, which is substantial.

----History: Jeréth had an odd childhood. For one, he can’t remember most of it because he got a cold at the age of 5, losing most of his memories prior to it and slightly after, it but other than that he was unaffected. He learned early that no one would help him if he was worthless when battle came upon them, {This is an interesting concept. Tribe members tend to work together to help all of them, especially to protect women and children as they are key to the tribe's ultimate survival.}so he began to have his father teach him how to use spears. Gathering nuts, fruits, or berries was a bore so he'd go hunting once and a while in secret so his mother wouldn't find out.{This is very curious behavior. But perhaps it is not quite worded right and I am misunderstanding what you are explaining. How old his he now in the second portion of this paragraph? It is usually customary for fathers to train their sons in weaponry at a young age, especially if it is a survival trait such as hunting.}

   He grew adept at tracking and herblore at a young age because of his tribes need for a new alchemist to make remedies or potions for some common things. Near his 23 winter, he encountered some human children hiding from a Argrothin bear, for they had tried to kill one of her cubs that had run off. He tried to scare the bear off by throwing rocks at it, but it wouldn't back down. He said a quick prayer to Arvins so that he could watch over the cubs after the mothers death.

He grabbed one of his spears and hurled at the bear, which missed and only angered her further. She turned then charged Jeréth {no space here}, he grabbed another spear and threw it with all his might at the bear. I would think that since she was charging him, he would simply hold the spear still like a spike, and allow her to run herself upon it as she attacked him. The spear entered the bear's shoulder, making her fall on her left side and breaking the spear off in the wound and driving it deeper. Jeréth turned and threw up after the bear stopped moving. This is an interesting action, especially if you are a hunter.He took his last spear and ended the bear quickly, as she was still breathing. After he got the children were returned to their homes. The Kuglimz You should have mentioned the tribe earlier thanked him and gave him a small amount of cloth, leather, some Alth'mon, and 10 sparth spears for his family as a thank you gift for his deeds. He thanked them and wished them farewell.

   When he reached his 43th birthday he received his first horse, Wraith, his Black Kev'lor Warhorse that had been bred for him by the Kuglimz so that he could travel Sarvonia no "n" if he wanted to. He had the horse trained for battle for 4 years after it matured. He left his home after his 48th birthday. With his horse, he left his tribe on his first real adventure.

   He traveled south and began hunting and tracking bounties for a living. He accepted such a jobs because he believes that justice must and will be served. He traveled for 6 years towards Cholian lands to learn of their ways and to improve on his 3 sparth spears he took with him. He learned various designs while training with them and learned how to throw them correctly in the manner they did. He also learned how to make them and repair them after battles. After experimenting with the head, he designed his current style. It utilized shards of obsidian screwed into the head to give it a serrated appeal. He stayed away from the meat of the jakécha fish because he didn't wish to become addicted to its appeal, although he did have it once or twice, which led to him being thrown out of the current Maja's hut after being caught with his daughters. He got in huge trouble for this and they nearly threw him out of their village. He begged for forgiveness and was pardoned for the event. He later found out that the two daughters had actually got him out of trouble, he thanked them later for it.



~~~I am going to stop there for now, as there are plenty of things for you to read over and correct. Please please PLEASE capitalize the beginning of every sentence. This is an elementary concept, so I shouldn't have to be correcting it for every sentence you write.~~~

You cannot prevent anyone from commenting on your CD. If you would just prefer the Moderating Team, that is fine. But when we are so shorthanded on actual moderator's, it isn't fair to actual moderators to have to do all the work.

no i just prefer as you said but i'd wish that others wouldn't... sorry if i came across rude or mean but that wasn't my reason for typing that...

It didn't come across as rude or mean...more of snobbish and semi-self absorbed.  Not to be offensive, but you are in no position to be mandating orders, despite the fact this is your CD.  While us Mini-moderators, Cd Moderators and Admins are considered to be the "higher" commenters, if you will, I can list plenty of non-Moderating folk whose knowledge far exceeds my own, and that of most of the Cd team.

indeed... i entended it to be less... forceful... i meant to say that i'd prefer if it was from a moderator, but it wouldn't be any quarrel if another posted.

Send me a PM when you are done with the edits Jereth.

i'll make a note of that... Madame Mërénwèn.

I completed my CD history and the like... comments welcome.

bumped up!

Hello, Jereth!

I read through your CD. I noticed that here and there you have a small spelling error. I'd suggest you read through it again, if you don't find them tell me so and I'll look them up again (I didn't copy them now, so I don't remember where I saw them :))

One thing I noticed in your history was the attack of the bear. A bear, and especially an angered mother-bear, is a VERY fast animal, which can keep up with a driving jeep. You might be able to dodge her claw, but I doubt that afterwards he'd have time to pick up another spear and throw it. I'd say that the first spear should have hit her, or Jeleth wouldn't have survived.

With kind regard,
Simonne

I didn't notice any spelling errors... could you find them for me? I've changed the bear story.

I went through your CD and fixed the basic spelling mistakes and such.

I would suggest though, to double check you Santharian spellings. (Use the search function on the Main Site. If it can find the word, then you are good. If not, you might need to look it up to double check the proper spelling).

I used a software on my computer and there is no spelling mistakes as it or I can tell. If you spot one please tell me where. thanks.

I could use a review please...

A spelling software will not catch Santharian spellings, and I had already did a spelling check for you dispite the fact.

I will give an actual review shortly.

that is a problem...

-.-

Ok...since you didn't really understand what I was saying, I will do it for you.

Also, I am going to be editing your CD as there are many capitalization errors and basic grammatical errors as well. (No factual content will be changed)

thank you!

bumped!

While doing the read through, I thought of a couple things to give my 2 sans on.   

---Strengths---

---Battle hardened:
Due to his extensive combat training, He has gained nerves of steel and a mind as sharp as iron as well as a powerful physique. In combat, He is precise and calculated, making measured attacks calmly.

---Scythes:
He trained from the age 7 to use staves and holds a near timeless knowledge of their strengths, weaknesses, combat styles, etc.

---Hunting/Tracking:
Raised in a nomadic tribe and later the life of a wanderer, has given him a near limitless ability to track and hunt, both animals and higher races alike.

---Herb-lore:
His mother was the main healer in his tribe. She taught him about plants and their uses at a young age. When she died, he trained further and took up the position of healer in her place. He traveled later in life and learned about everything there is to know about plants and other objects used in healing.


      ---Weaknesses---

Blackouts:
He suffers from blackouts when under extreme stress or pressure. When he becomes conscious, he is unaware of what happened and can’t remember where he is.

Looks:
Because of his beauty, he cannot blend in very well with his surroundings, making it hard for him to hide from others. It also attracts women to him, which can lead to drunken orgies and/or Very angry fathers. Ok. For one, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in thus cannot be judged on anything else but a case by case basis making this invalid. Yes, a man can be good looking, but each and every single woman out there has a different taste in men. I really don't see how being "good-looking" is really a disadvantage to anyone, especially if they know how to carry themselves properly. Each and every person is in control of their own body. And drunken orgies would most likely be in taverns, where the father's of these "women" could care less about their daughters, hence why they are "selling" themselves in the first place. And "orgies" is a fairly modern terminology ^.~

Great Sorrow:
Due to the loss of his first love, he often seems distant and sad. The sadness his body seems to give off tends to spread to others around him. How does this put him at a disadvantage other than feeling sorry for himself most of the time? Just because someone suffers from depression doesn't mean they are at any sort of disadvantage when dealing with the world, they just choose to be thought of as if they are at a disadvantage.

okay then i'll add this into account.

Well one thing not related to your CD, but account wise, you need to shorten your signature. If you read up in newbies section or somewhere, you can only have so much signature, which mine is about over it, but yours is too long sorry.

Signature Limitations (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?www;page=17)

Haha! Sweet guy! Totally reminds me of mine! (My format, I mean)

Just checking up on your CD and haven't seen any updates.

Your S&W are the only things I am questioning at this point so, the sooner we get them straightened out...

im sorry Jiro? are you accusing me of something? I can't tell. no offence if your not.

He wasn't Jereth.

Still waiting for updates and making sure you know I haven't forgotten about the CD.

i'm going to work on part now.



Thursday march 22, 2007 at 5:25pm eastern time.

completed the weakness portion of my CD.


Thursday march 22, 2007 at 5:37pm eastern time.

Okies,

Thanks for fixing those up quickly ^.~ They look much more realistic now.

First approval! :thumbup:

thank you!

woo hoo! one Approval received!

I agree with Kali. Very good CD. The only question I have, which doesn't really have to be answered I guess, but did the child live? You stated the mother died but did the child die as well. Just kinda curious. It would make sense that both died since he's acting depressed and all that, but it would be as interesting if the child did live but he was not fit to raise it 'cause of his grief over the loss of his wife.

Second approval.

Congrats, Jereth! ;) Have a good time RPing!

And titled.  Have fun.   :)

*Sigh* I will no longer be the latest approved character. :cry:

You are up.

This was an old account that i deleted, i need him transfered to this account.