Adventures of Caelereth

Where To Begin => Character Descriptions => Topic started by: Drake Wolven on December 06, 2007, 08:57:58 AM



Title: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 06, 2007, 08:57:58 AM
Modifications in Bold and Italics.

Title:The Tamer

Name: Drake Wolven

Gender: Male

Age: 20

Race: Human

Tribe: Eyelian

Occupation: Beast Master

Appearance:

-Height: 1 Ped, 1 Fore, 1 Palmspan, 6 Nailsbreadths, 3 Grains

-Weight: 1 pygge and 2 heb

-Hair Colour: Dark Brown

-Eye Colour: Black

-Physical Appearance:

His skin colour is darkish brown in colour. As mentioned, he is short. He is rather slim and slender, but is very strong. He is not as bulky as trolls or dwarves, but he is still strong. His lean muscles can still be seen on his arms. He has a zigzag scar that looks like a strike of lighting on its left cheek. His right leg is broken, and the broken lower portion is amputated and replaced by a stick. He has a staff to support himself. The Eyelian Coat of Arms is tattooed on his right shoulder. The Wolf Clan tatoo is marked on his chest.

-Clothing:
 As Eyelians are not usually very choosy about their clothing, he wears a simple Sognastheen green shirt. It is made by his mother, and she sow a picture of a wolf at the back of the shirt due to the fact that Drake loves wolves. Typical Eyelians usually wear loose green shirts. However, as Drake is afraid of the cold, his shirt is made of thicker cotton and fits him more tightly when compared to the clothing other Eyelians wear. As Drake does not grow a lot in height, he has been wearing his Sognastheen green shirt since he was 15, and the years have worn the shirt down. Colour has faded from some parts of the shirt, and white patches are appearing. Also, there are several torn parts on the shirt (on one sleeve, on lower part of the shirt...) that are patched up by pieces of cloth. However, Drake refuses to throw away this shirt and buy a new one because he loved this shirt a lot.

He wears Sognastheen green shorts as well. Like the shirt, it is thicker than normal Eyelian clothing. The shorts are also rather old and torn, with patches of cloth around it.

Drake wears a leather belt around his waist, where he puts his strikefire and small axe. His father had given the belt to him when he was 14, and said that he could decorate it as he wishes. Drake drew the Clan tatoo on the front of the belt and pictures of wolves around it.


Personality:
Drake Wolven is an intelligent, sharp and perceptive person. He likes to stay unnoticed, observe and listen to other's conversations to learn more about the place he is in. However, if a traveller asks about his tribe and his history, he is never too tired to tell about it. He is very proud of the Eyelian history and community. Partly due to the fact that his own leg is crippled, he loves animals, and would bandage the wounded leg of a small bird or hare when he sees one. He is a quiet person, and do not normally talk with people. He likes to mingle with animals more. He does not give his trust easily, but he is fiercely loyal once he does so. Drake is also a resilient person. He has a strong will and would never give up once he set a target no matter how many obstacles he faced.

Strengths:

-Tamer:

He is a excellent tamer, and knows the languages of wolves and birds. He has a very strong bond with wolves, and his holy spirit (the creature that appears in his dreams and guides him) is a wolf. He can ask for help from wolves when he is in trouble easily. When the wolves hear his call, they will come and help him immediately. However, they have to be within hearing distance, else they are unable to hear the calls of help. His communication with birds is much weaker than his communication with wolves. He knows the languages of birds that are commonly found, like sparrows. However, he only knows the basic notes in the bird language and can only ask birds to pass messages for him because his bond with the birds is not very strong.


-Archery:

Due to his disability, Drake Wolven decided to practise archery to overcome his defect, and he proved to be a very good archer. His shots are powerful, accurate and sharp. Also, owing to his strong psyche, he could shoot 200 peds.

-Survival:

A natural talent of Eyelians, he is able to survive in the wild for long periods of time without any help. He can determine what plants and mushrooms are edible, and he knows tracking, so that he can stalk animals and hunt them. If he lost his staff, he also knows how to determine which tree is suitable for a staff. When he found a suitable tree, he would cut a branch down from the tree and cut out the small branches, twigs etc to make a staff.



-Throwing:
This skills is used to supplement his archery skill when he ran out of arrows. He can throw small stones that he finds on the ground and hurl it at his enemies. His precision is good, because he trains shooting. Despite his broken leg, he still retains his strength. Therefore, he can throw powerful and accurate stones. His range is 10 peds.

-Wolf Familiar
Wolf is his familiar and follows him whenever he goes. He can help him to hunt and can also protect him when he is in danger.

Weaknesses:

-Extremely Afraid of Cold Climate
He is extremely afraid of the cold. This is a side effect from the medecines that he took after he fell from the waterfall. The medecine damaged his nerves. During every winter(even autumn, when it was very cold), he has to wear extremely thick clothing. Even then, he shivers uncontrollably when a cold wind blows, sometimes for no apparent reason. The frequent shivers breaks his concentration. For example, if he was about to shoot at a deer and shook uncontrollably, he will lose his aim. If he is shaking really badly, he will even drop the bow he is holding onto. This also makes him vulnerable to attacks.

-Broken Leg:
He broke his leg when he fell from the waterfall. The broken lower part of his leg was amputated, and it was replaced with a stick. Although he broke his leg, he is still able to move quickly and efficiently with the help of his staff. However, his broken leg prevents him from fighting with melee weapons(He cannot stand his ground). His broken leg also means that people can trip him fairly easily (by sticking out a leg etc).

-Rash:
Drake is very temperament person. If he feels very strongly about something, he acts very rashly. For example, when he saw a bear, he remembered how the bear caused his leg to be broken. He felt very strongly about it and attacked without thinking. Only the fact that he was lucky, and the fact that he was coordinating perfectly well with Wolf, saved him from the bear's claws.


-Acrophobia:
He has a fear of heights. If he is on a tall flat plateau, he will be alright. However, If he is standing on a tall and narrow valley, where he can look down and see the height, he will not dare look down, as looking down will make him feel nauseous. Even if he does not look down, his legs will also feel wobbly if he is on a high and narrow valley, because he can tell that he is on a narrow path and on high ground without looking down. He keeps to the valley as close as possible whenever he is on one, and holds onto Wolf for support and comfort. Obviously, he cannot fight on valleys.


-Bad Social Skills
He is a loner, and does not talk a lot. He does not have many friends and does not like to make friends as well. He usually makes friends because others approached himself first. He seldom voluntarily says "Hi" and make friends with others.

History:

   Drake Wolven was born under the lush green trees of the Zeiphyrian Forest. His father was a beastmaster and his mother was a hunter. Both were from the Wolf Clan. Drake was taught to love the forest. Due to his parents' jobs, he explored the forests very often. He learnt how to survive in the forest from his mother. He learnt to look for tracks of animals, learnt to identify edible plants, and also learnt to make makeshift weapons like staves (He learnt how to tell whether a type of wood is suitable for making a staff). Most importantly, his mother taught him how to make use of the bow and arrow. Under the strict guidance of his mother, a skilful archer, he learnt to stable his bow and arrow and aim accurately at objects.

   Drake's father taught him how to use a staff, and also planned a training schedule for him to ensure that he was fit. He also taught him the language of the animals. His father planned to teach him the languages of all the animals he knew about, and hope that Drake could master all of them. However, Drake in the end could only master the wolf language, because he was only interested in that and kept practising on that language only in the end. Drake's father was able to impart to him the intricacies and nuances of communicating with animals: the occasional call, the sudden twitching of one's face, the winking of eyes, and the subtle positioning of the body. As a member of the Wolf Clan, the first language Drake learnt was the wolf language. Drake was fascinated by the magnificence of wolves. Their mysterious, wise looks, their powerful runs, and their stealth at killing amazed him. Drake eagerly absorbed the language of the wolves.

   Drake's first attempt at communicating with a wolf was with his father's bonded wolf. Trying to suppress his nervousness, he slowly walked up, postioned his body posture, looked directly at the wolf and howl softly, "Greetings to you, Mister Wolf." The wolf ignored him. Puzzled, Drake looked up at his father, who was watching him. His father remained quiet, and his facial expression did not betray anything. Drake tried to remember what he did wrongly and tried again. However, the wolf still ignored him.

   But Drake was not a child who would be daunted by a small failure. He kept trying, modifying his posture here and there, correcting what he taught were mistakes, and tried again whenever the wolf ignored him. Finally, he remembered his father's teachings about exchanging looks with a wolf. "If you are speaking to a senior or old wolf, you should make sure that your gaze is lower than the wolf's." Drake immediately lowered his gaze and tried again. This time, the wolf gave an approving grunt, and his father nodded approvingly. Drake smiled. He had finally succeeded.

   After that, he started communicating a lot with his father's wolf, and also tried communicating with other wolves. His language slowly improved, and a lot of the wolves became his friends.

   When his parents saw his potential in communication with animals, they were ecstatic. They quickly taught him the language of the birds (They believed that both land animal language and bird language should be learnt so that there is a balance between air and land). However, it seemed that maybe Drake's talent was confined to wolf language. Sure, he could memorise the sounds of the notes of sparrows and nightingales, but trying to construct a meaningful conversation with bird language seemed a bit difficult for Drake. After a few weeks of trying, Drake's parent gave up (They were not as determined as Drake). However, he still made sure that Drake could ask the birds for help and for passing messages with mastery, so that he could get help from people far away.

   Drake grew up quickly, both in his age and in his skills. He became an extremely good archer, and could shoot objects 100 peds away. His usage of the staff was good as well. His survial skills were solid. But his parents were most proud of his wolf taming prowess. He has a huge talent in learning animals languages. Drake also loved the wolves. He felt a very strong attraction towards the wolves. Their graceful leaps and jumps, their powerful teeth and claws, and the wisdom shining from their eyes, all drew Drake very strongly and made him want to learn more about them.

   However, the bright future of Drake Wolven seemed destroyed when his right leg was crippled. He was exploring the forest when he met a bear. The bear roared and advanced towards him. Drake ran while calling to wolves for help, but it seemed that there were no wolves nearby. The bear was advancing closer. Frantically, Drake ran and ran. He forgot to check where he was going, and fell down a waterfall. Drake tried to soften the fall by grappling anything he could get his hands on to slow down his faling speed. However, he still fell heavily. There was a sickening snap of bones, and Drake roared from the overwhelming pain. The bear saw that it could not reach Drake, and left. Before he fainted, he called to a bird passing by and asked her to pass his whereabouts to his clan.

   When Drake awoke again, he saw himself surrounded by a lot of people. Among the faces, he saw the overjoyed faces of his parents when they saw that he woke up. They were not crying at that moment, but he could still make out the deep red lines on their eyes.

   Drake suffered a lot of cuts and bruises from the fall, but none were fatal. However, his right leg was broken and the wounds on the lower half was rotten and infected so badly that the lower half had to be amputated. A wooden stick was placed at the end of the broken leg. Even when th leg was amputated, Drake had to drink lots of strong potions to cleanse the poison building up in the body. The medecines he took to heal his wounds were very strong, and had some side effects. He would shiver uncontrollably during the cold autumns and the winter, and became a cripple. Drake's bright future was ruined.

   It was a bitter blow for Drake. He could not move as freely and swiftly as before. He could not fight with his staff anymore, because it was hard to balance himself without the support of his staff. The other Eyelians would often look upon him with pity. A promising young lad ruined with such an injury.

   However, Drake refused to accept his fate. He refused to believe that his life was ruined because of this. He wanted to fight back. He wanted to change his fate. He wanted people call him the Cripple, not with pity and sadness, but with awe. He refused to give up because of his injury.

   Drake started training very diligently after this tragedy. He forced himself move around swiftly with his crippled leg. It was a hard struggle. He fell a lot of time, but he always got up again, tried again. Again and again, he fell. Again and again, he climbed up, with the determination on his face growing stronger and stronger.

   Day and night, he practised. Day and night, his leg grew strong, and his coordination became better with every practise. Soon, he was able to move
around with speed and swiftness, not as fast as before, but near enough. From his practice, he also formulated a way of moving quickly: leap-walking. He
woould leap with his leg and then balance himself with his staff and stick(on his broken leg). Day and night, he practised his techniques. Day and night, he became quicker, swifter and more agile. Drake smiled. He had overcome one obstacle.

   Besides this, Drake also trained hard in his archery to overcome his ineffectiveness in melee combat. He also practiced on throwing little stone at objects, to make up for his loss of melee combat. He improved quickly. Soon, he was able to shoot targets 150 peds away. His communication with animals also reached a new level, and he was now able to call to wolves for help very easily.

   Drake soon reached manhood. It was the time for the seeking of the spirit. He stayed in the Lodge of Purification for five days with only minute amounts of water. After the five days, Drake was given a small knife and was sent out into the wilderness alone. Before he was sent away, his parents were worried. Although they saw that their son overcame the defects of being crippled, they were still worried for the safety of their son, alone in the wild. However, Drake was undaunted. Time and again, his determination had proved to him that he could achieve what he want. He relished the chance of overcoming an obstacle and the taste of victory.

   For the first day, Drake wandered around, looking for food and water, and a strike stone, as fire is a vital resource for surviving in the wild. At night, he gathered some dried branches and leaves and started a fire. Staring into the fire, he prayed for the spirit. However, it did not appear on the first day. The second day passed similar to the first. On the third morning, Drake saw a bear fighting a young mithral wolf. The wolf had a few cuts on his leg, and the bear seemed to be dominating over the wolf. Remembering how his leg got crippled, Drake became wild with fury. Just as the bear was about to strike, Drake picked up a big rock and aimed it at the bear's head. It hit. Blood started gushing out from the back of the bear's head. The bear was furious and charged at Drake. But this time the young wolf saw the chance and tore a huge piece of meat from the bear's leg. Injured and bleeding, the bear lashed about insanely in all directions, but Drake kept his distance and threw stones, while the wolf attacked cautiously, biting here and there. Finally, the bear gave one final roar and dropped, dead.

   Gasping, Drake slowly calmed himself down. The wolf approached Drake and "spoke","Thank you, brother." Drake smiled, and replied, "It is my duty, brother." Then, he turned to leave, to continue his seek for the spirit. However, the wolf followed him. "I got lost with my clan. Can I follow you, brother?" Happily, Drake nodded.

   For the next few days, Drake wandered the forests with the wolf, and prayed for a sign. Through his journey, he had begun to like the mithral wolf(He had even came up with a name for him, Wolf). As they journeyed through the forests, their friendship grew. Every night, Drake prayed again for a sign, a dream, but he could only see blurry and distorted images.

   On the fifth night, when Drake fell asleep (the wolf was beside him), Drake got a vivid dream. He dreamed of a strange wolf who spoke to him. "My beloved child," the wolf said, "through your life, you have proved yourself to be determined and strong. Today's fight also proved your bravery. It is clear to me that you are fit to become an Eyelian priest. However, in order to make yourself strong so that you can survive the trials, you must cut out of the heart of the wolf beside you and eat it raw." With that, the wolf disappeared. 

   The next day, Drake wandered around the forest again, with Wolf beside him. He was deep in thought. He had always looked upon the priests in awe and reverence, and really wanted to become one of them, and speak with Grothar and Jeyriall. However, would he kill Wolf in order to become a priest? Drake was torn between his desire to become a priest and his love of Wolf. He spent the whole day looking sombre, deep in thought. Wolf sensed his sadness, and sometimes licked his face to comfort him, but Drake still seemed sad. As night drew near, Drake came up with a decision. He would not sacrifice his friend's life in order to achieve his own's greatness. He would not kill Wolf so that he could become a priest. He would become a priest through his own means, and would not harm a friend for his own selfish ways. He would not kill Wolf!

   That night, Drake met the strange wolf in his dream again. "My beloved child," the wolf spoke, "I have sensed your answer, and am satisfied with it. Coupled with resilience and bravery, you also have the ability to sense right and wrong, and would not let your friends suffer to achieve your own goals. These are the ways of the True Eyelian. With your decision, you have shown yourself as a True Eyelian, and have saved your bond, Wolf, from his death. Drake Wolven, from this moment on, you have entered manhood, as a True Eyelian." The wolf turned away and slowly disappeared. Just before it did, it turned around and said, "A piece of advice, it would be better if you become a beastmaster. The life of a priest is not for you."

   Drake returned home that following day and recounted all that happened to the Elders, and he was led to meet the fellow Beastmasters. His father, happy that he had come back safely, also gave him the Wolf Talisman he wore around his neck, the heirloom passed down for generations as a blessing.

   Drake quickly learnt the job requirements and the daily chores of a beastmaster, and did them well. This is the life of Drake Wolven until now.

   

Weapons:

Maple Longbow- His father gave it to him after his leg was crippled.

Staff - It is a normal wooden stuff cut from an Oak Tree. He knows what kind of wood is good for a staff.

Belongings:

Quiver of arrows

Small Hatchet - Used for cutting branches that may be needed to start a fire. Also, it can be used to cut staves.

Wolf Talisman - unknown use, a heirloom passed down through the generations as a blessing, has no magical use

Strike Stone - For making fire

Familiars:

Wolf - He met Wolf during his seek for the spirit. Wolf is a mithral wolf that Drake saved from a bear. Wolf is 2 fores and 1 palmspan high, 1 ped and 1 fore long, and had a bushy tail of 1.5 fores. His fur is of stale silver colour, but there are silver spots around the side of his tails, which ends in a silver tip. Silver spots dot the sides of his body, and his face was also masked with silver fur.

Wolf has an extremely strong sense of smell and hearing. He also has strong perseverance, and can stay without food and water for long periods of time. He will also keep chasing a prey he set up his mind to catch. He has strong hind legs, and can leap to around 2 peds.

Wolf is a very playful wolf. He often plays with Drake (ear-biting(pretending to bite of course), hide-and-seek, surprising Drake and catching him unawares). He is also fiercely loyal to Drake. Drake's words are be his command. He will protect Drake even if he is to die.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Seh'nara Celebrindal on December 06, 2007, 09:07:35 AM
You might want to try to balance your character. It's overpowered. You are also too young to have so many skills. I also think that you can shoot too far. Heck, I don't think even the best archer in Santharia can shoot so far.

Edit: A wolf familiar needs to be listed as a strength.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 06, 2007, 10:03:33 AM
I have sharply lowered the range to 50 peds.

Can I know why my character is overpowered? He has survivial skills and can communicate with animals, but according to the main site, that is the talent of all Eyelians.

For Melee Combat, as I have stated, after he has broken his leg, he cannot use his staff effectively. Actually, I don't even think he can use a staff for melee combat now(maybe a swing or two here and there, but I think my character will lose his balance), because he cannot maintain the balance.

Ok, maybe my sense of distance is not that good. As mentioned earlier, I have sharply lowered the range. However, I think that letting my character be good in this skill is a trade off for being bad in melee combat. Also, he does not know any magic.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Seh'nara Celebrindal on December 06, 2007, 10:32:44 AM
Natural talent or not, they're still strengths. Let me break it down for you. You have:

Good archery skill, along with the ability to comunicate with wolves, eagles, falcons, and many more (which you should list). You can survive in the wilderness alone, without any help, you can make weapons (crude though they may be you still can) and you have the skill of hunting and tracking. You also have a wolf to protect you, not counting the many more animals you can call on for help.

You try to balance this with:

A crippled leg and a love for animals (which I can't really see why you'd consider this a weakness)

See? And if I may say, having no magic is not a weakness, and should not be an excuse for having too good an archery skill. If you are too bad in melee, it shouldn't be a strength in the first place.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on December 06, 2007, 10:39:29 AM
Also, you are 17 years old.  You just haven't had time to learn such a wide range of skills.   Learning an animal's language alone is not an easy skill to aquire and probably takes several years to master.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 06, 2007, 11:04:14 AM
-Increased age to 20 (According to the main site, the Eyelians practiced this from young (I shall assume 5). I think 15 years is more than several years.)

-Changed the Tamer Skill to only wolves and birds, and for birds, he can only ask them to send messages.

-Added two more weaknesses

Can I know whether archery is still overpowered? I cannot make it too low, because that is his only combat skill. I understand that he can call to wolves for help, but if he is alone he would be dead with nothing to protect him.

As to why I listed melee as a strength, that is because he knows how to use melee weapons, and was good at it, just that he is not good at them anymore. I thought I am supposed to list down everything he knows, so I put that in as well.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on December 06, 2007, 11:09:04 AM
Your username and your character name needs to be the same.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 06, 2007, 11:10:24 AM
Done


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Seh'nara Celebrindal on December 06, 2007, 11:12:53 AM
Knowing and using is totally different. You say he used to be good in it, and he's still good, but look at it realistically. If you don't use a skill for a long time, you're obviously rusty in it. You also say that you can't fight melee, so that strength is moot.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 06, 2007, 11:17:35 AM
Ok, I have deleted the melee skill and have added a throwing skill. Eyelians are strong, so he has the strength to throw things. Also, from archery, he practiced aiming, so his aiming should not be too bad either.

As for the range of his throwing, can I make it 5 peds?

And can a moderator please check my CD please? Thanks.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Niccoli Faust on December 06, 2007, 03:03:37 PM
Drake, please realize that you should probably specify what you are cutting off of these trees. If your axe is in fact some manner of hatchet I don't think it needs to be counted as such, but you also wouldn't be able to reach anything but a very low branch with it. (You can't climb because of the bum leg yes?)


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 07, 2007, 02:25:21 AM
Thanks. Edited. Can a moderator please review my character? Thanks.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster: Mods please review it, thanks
Post by: Kalína Mërénwčn on December 07, 2007, 07:53:59 PM
A moderator will get to your character when they can. All these people are knowledgeable and know what they are talking about when commenting. Follow their advice, and you shouldn't have any problems when a Mod. comes around.

You have not listed his "Weight" anywhere in the CD.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster: Mods please review it, thanks
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 08, 2007, 02:35:13 AM
Yah, the approved characters have given me good comments and have let me know about more about the requirements of the characters.

As for Weight, I saw that the Character Creation Page wrote that it was optional information. My gauge for weight is not very good (even worse than my gauge for distance), and I had hope that my physical appearance would give a good enough idea for other players the weight of my character. If it is still not clear enough, can you tell me what information I need to add to make it clearer? Or maybe, do you know a suitable weight for a 20 year old Eyelian? Thanks.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster: Mods please review it, thanks
Post by: Seh'nara Celebrindal on December 08, 2007, 06:33:41 AM
1 pygge and 2 hebs seems reasonable. (60kg) I'd have put more, but seeing as you're so short, your weight would be lighter.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster: Mods please review it, thanks
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 08, 2007, 08:53:53 AM
Thanks. Added in the weight.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster: Mods please review it, thanks
Post by: Nelique A’drosa on December 09, 2007, 01:24:55 AM
"Maybe pondering the basic rules of this forum would help you gather more useful comments. The thread at the top of this forum with the words "Must Read" might be an indication you should .... read them."
Quote
1) When you create the thread in which you are going to post your character description or CD. CD is the short form of “Character Description”, pretty commonly used in these parts. So it would be wise to become acquainted with it now. The Moderators and Administration respectfully request that the title of your thread contains nothing more or less than Name/Tribe/Occupation. These simple notations draw the attention of those most qualified to help you. “Not so difficult, don’t you think?”
"I think the above quote from that thread is most fitting here, don't you? Possibly reading it in its entirety would save from future misunderstandings. When the effort to do the best you can is ignored, sometimes the Mods feel that their efforts are not being appreciated." *Curtsies lightly and departs*


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/Eyelian/Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 12, 2007, 03:30:25 PM
Thanks, I have changed it


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Celebriän Véneanár on December 13, 2007, 07:20:18 AM
You said you have a lightning scar, is the scar form lightning or in a lightning shape?


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 13, 2007, 10:33:52 AM
It is a zigzag scar that looks like lightning. I have edited the CD.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Celebriän Véneanár on December 15, 2007, 08:26:54 PM
Is it me or do you seem a little overpowered in your S&W, I mean you seem to have more strenghts than you weakness can keep up with.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 16, 2007, 06:16:54 AM
I have lowered my archery range of 20 peds now. Also, I have increased the weaknesses to 6. That is one more than my strengths, I think.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Vesk Lyricahl on December 18, 2007, 10:14:11 PM
Allow me to assist a fellow Eyelian. ;)

Title:The Tamer

Name: Drake Wolven

Gender: Male

Age: 20

Race: Human

Tribe: Eyelian

Occupation: Beast Master

Appearance:

-Height: 1.5 peds

-Weight: 1 pygge and 2 heb

-Hair Colour: Dark Brown

-Eye Colour: Black

-Physical Appearance:

His skin colour is darkish brown in colour. As mentioned, he is short. He is rather slim and slender, but is very strong. You can see his muscles bulking out from his loose clothes. Bulking muscles are the opposite of slim and slender. He has a zigzag scar that looks like a strike of lighting on its left cheek. His right leg is broken, and the lower portion is replaced by a stick. I'm confused. Is his leg broken, or is the lower half missing altogether? He has a staff to support himself. The Eyelian Coat of Arms is tatooed on his right shoulder. And where is the tattoo that marks him as a member of the Wolf Clan?

-Clothing:
 He wears a Sognastheen green loose shirt.
 He wears Sognastheen green lose pants
Surely you can describe his clothes in greater detail than this.

Personality:
Drake Wolven is an intelligent, sharp and perceptive person. He likes to stay unnoticed, observe and listen to other's conversations to learn more about the place he is in. However, if a traveller asks about his tribe and his history, he is never too tired to tell him about it. He is very proud of the Eyelian history and community. Partly due to the fact that his own leg is crippled, he loves animals, and would bandage the wounded leg of a small bird or hare when he sees one. He is a quiet person, and do not normally talk with people. He likes to mingle with animals more. He does not give his trust easily, but he is fiercely loyal once he does so. Drake is also a resilient person. He has a strong will and would never give up once he set a target no matter how many obstacles he faced.

Strengths:

-Tamer:

He is a excellent tamer, and knows the languages of wolves very well. He knows simple bird talk, but could not call to them for help when he is in danger. But he can tell them to pass messages. I want to mention here that an Eyelian does not command an animal to do anything, rather he asks, as he would a friend.

-Archery:

Due to his disability, Drake Wolven decided to practise archery to overcome his defect, and he proved to be a very good archer. His shots are powerful, accurate and sharp. Also, owing to his strong psyche, he could shoot 20 peds. You do realize that 20 peds is quite the short range for an archer? My own character can shoot over ten times as far, and his range is only the average for a longbow. Such a short range is fine, but there needs to be an explanation as to why his range is so short, an injury perhaps. Even if you've only lowered the range to lessen his strengths, the reason for it has to be there.

-Survival:

A natural talent of Eyelians, he is able to survive in the wild without any help. He knows how to look for food in the wild, and also knows how to make some makeshift weapons. He knows how to look for tracks and catch game.

-Throwing:
As his aiming is good, and he still retains his strength, his throwing is accurate and strong. And what is it that he throws?

-Wolf Familiar
Wolf can defend Drake if needed. He can also help to find food. I'd like more of a description of how Wolf comes to Drake's aid.

Weaknesses:

-Uncomfortable in Cold Climate
He hates cold climate and would shiver uncontrollably if he is in one. In cold weather, he would need THICK THICK clothes to protect himself.

-Crippled Leg:
His leg is broken when he felt down the waterfall. Earlier you described him with a peg leg?

-Rash:
Sometimes, Drake is rash, as can be seen from his attack of the bear. He did not think whether it is dangerous. He just thought of his broken leg and attacked.

-Acrophobia:
He has a fear of heights. I'd like more of a description as to just how this fear affects him.

-Guillible
He is very guillible and believes what others said easily if it makes sense or sounds nice.

-Bad Social Skills
He is a loner, and does not talk a lot. He does not have many friends and does not like to make friends as well. This does not seem to mesh well with his gullibility. If he does not talk to others, then how do they manage to take advantage of him?

History:

   Drake Wolven was born under the lush green trees of the Zeiphyrian Forest. His father was a beastmaster and his mother was a hunter. Both were from the Wolf Clan. Drake was taught to love the forest. Due to his parents' jobs, he explored the forests very often. He learnt how to survive in the forest from his mother. He learnt to look for tracks of animals, learnt to identify edible plants, and also learnt to make makeshift weapons like staves (He learnt how to tell whether a type of wood is suitable for making a staff). Most importantly, his mother taught him how to make use of the bow and arrow. Under the strict guidance of his mother, a skilful archer, he learnt to stable his bow and arrow and aim accurately at objects.

   Drake's father taught him how to use a staff, and also planned a training schedule for him to ensure that he was fit. He also taught him the language of the animals. As a Beastmaster, he was most suitable. I assume you mean just wolves and birds, as your strengths say? He was able to impart to him all the intricacies and nuances of communicating with animals: the occasional call, the sudden twitching of one's face, the winking of eyes, and the subtle positioning of the body. As a member of the Wolf Clan, the first language Drake learnt was the wolf language. Drake was fascinated by the magnificence of wolves. Their mysterious, wise looks, their powerful runs, and their stealth at killing amazed him. Drake eagerly absorbed the language of the wolves.

   Drake's first attempt at communicating with a wolf was with his father's bonded wolf. Trying to suppress his nervousness, he slowly walked up, postioned his body posture, looked directly at the wolf and howl softly, "Greetings to you, Mister Wolf." The wolf ignored him. Puzzled, Drake looked up at his father, who was watching him. His father remained quiet, and his facial expression did not betray anything. Drake tried to remember what he did wrongly and tried again. However, the wolf still ignored him.

   But Drake was not a child who would be daunted by a small failure. He kept trying, modifying his posture here and there, correcting what he taught were mistakes, and tried again whenever the wolf ignored him. Finally, he remembered his father's teachings about exchanging looks with a wolf. "If you are speaking to a senior or old wolf, you should make sure that your gaze is lower than the wolf's." Drake immediately lowered his gaze and tried again. This time, the wolf gave an approving grunt, and his father nodded approvingly. Drake smiled. He had finally succeeded.

   After that, he started communicating a lot with his father's wolf, and also tried communicating with other wolves. His language slowly improved, and a lot of the wolves became his friends.

   Drake grew up quickly, both in his age and in his skills. He became an extremely good archer, and could shoot objects 40 peds away. This contradicts your strengths. His usage of the staff was good as well. His survial skills were solid. But his parents were most proud of his taming prowess. He had the uncanny ability of learning animals languages and making friends with various animals quickly. Drake learnt a lot more language now, and were fluent in all of them. Any animal languages he knows should be mentioned in his strengths. According to them, he only knows those of birds and wolves. However, he still loved wolves the most.

   However, the bright future of Drake Wolven seemed destroyed when his right leg was crippled. He was exploring the forest when he met a bear. The bear roared and advanced towards him. Drake ran while calling to wolves for help, but it seemed that there were no wolves nearby. The bear was advancing closer. Frantically, Drake ran and ran. He forgot to check where he was going, and fell down a waterfall. Drake tried to soften the fall by grappling anything he could get his hands on to slow down his faling speed. However, he still fell heavily. There was a sickening snap of bones, and Drake roared from the overwhelming pain. The bear saw that it could not reach Drake, and left. Before he fainted, he called to a bird passing by and asked her to pass his whereabouts to his clan.

   When Drake awoke again, he saw himself surrounded by a lot of people. Among the faces, he saw the overjoyed faces of his parents when they saw that he woke up. They were not crying at that moment, but he could still make out the deep red lines on their eyes.

   Drake suffered a lot of cuts and bruises from the fall, but none were fatal. However, his right leg was broken and could not be repaired no matter how hard the doctors in the clan tried. When his injuries healed, Drake became a cripple. His lower broken portion was removed and replaced with a stick.

   It was a bitter blow for Drake. He could not move as freely and swiftly as before. He could not fight with his staff anymore, because it was hard to balance himself without the support of his staff. The other Eyelians would often look upon him with pity. A promising young lad ruined with such an injury.

   However, Drake refused to accept his fate. He refused to believe that his life was ruined because of this. He wanted to fight back. He wanted to change his fate. He wanted people call him the Cripple, not with pity and sadness, but with awe. He refused to give up because of his injury.

   Drake started training very diligently after this tragedy. He forced himself move around swiftly with his crippled leg. It was a hard struggle. He fell a lot of time, but he always got up again, tried again. Again and again, he fell. Again and again, he climbed up, with the determination on his face growing stronger and stronger.

   Day and night, he practised. Day and night, his leg grew strong, and his coordination became better with every practise. Soon, he was able to move
around with speed and swiftness, not as fast as before, but near enough. From his practice, he also formulated a way of moving quickly: leap-walking. He
woould leap with his leg and then balance himself with his staff and stick(on his broken leg). Day and night, he practised his techniques. Day and night, he became quicker, swifter and more agile. Drake smiled. He had overcome one obstacle.

   Besides this, Drake also trained hard in his archery to overcome his ineffectiveness in melee combat. He also practiced on throwing little stone at objects, to make up for his loss of melee combat. He improved quickly. Soon, he was able to shoot targets 50 peds away. His communication with animals reached a new level as well. He had started "talking" with falcons, and was getting alone quite well. He'll never be able to communicate with falcons or any other animal as well as he does wolves, considering that his spirit animal is a wolf. Also keep in mind that his fluency in each language depends upon the time spent studying it. The more languages he knows, the less proficient he is in each.

   Drake soon reached manhood. It was the time for the seeking of the spirit. He stayed in the Lodge of Purification for five days with only minute amounts of water. After the five days, Drake was given a small knife and was sent out into the wilderness alone. Before he was sent away, his parents were worried. Although they saw that their son overcame the defects of being crippled, they were still worried for the safety of their son, alone in the wild. However, Drake was undaunted. Time and again, his determination had proved to him that he could achieve what he want. He relished the chance of overcoming an obstacle and the taste of victory.

   For the first day, Drake wandered around, looking for food and water, and a strike stone, as fire is a vital resource for surviving in the wild. At night, he gathered some dried branches and leaves and started a fire. Staring into the fire, he prayed for the spirit. However, it did not appear on the first day. The second day passed similar to the first. On the third morning, Drake saw a bear fighting a young mithral wolf. The wolf had a few cuts on his leg, and the bear seemed to be dominating over the wolf. Remembering how his leg got crippled, Drake became wild with fury. Just as the bear was about to strike, Drake picked up a big rock and aimed it at the bear's head. It hit. Blood started gushing out from the back of the bear's head. The bear was furious and charged at Drake. But this time the young wolf saw the chance and tore a huge piece of meat from the bear's leg. Injured and bleeding, the bear lashed about insanely in all directions, but Drake kept his distance and threw stones, while the wolf attacked cautiously, biting here and there. Finally, the bear gave one final roar and dropped, dead.

   Gasping, Drake slowly calmed himself down. The wolf approached Drake and "spoke","Thank you, brother." Drake smiled, and replied, "It is my duty, brother." Then, he turned to leave, to continue his seek for the spirit. However, the wolf followed him. "I got lost with my clan. Can I follow you, brother?" Happily, Drake nodded.

   For the next few days, Drake wandered the forests with the wolf, and prayed for a sign. Through his journey, he had begun to like the mithral wolf(He had even came up with a name for him, Wolf). As they journeyed through the forests, their friendship grew. Every night, Drake prayed again for a sign, a dream, but he could only see blurry and distorted images.

   On the fifth night, when Drake fell asleep (the wolf was beside him), Drake got a vivid dream. He dreamed of a strange wolf who spoke to him. "My beloved child," the wolf said, "through your life, you have proved yourself to be determined and strong. Today's fight also proved your bravery. It is clear to me that you are fit to become an Eyelian priest. However, in order to make yourself strong so that you can survive the trials, you must cut out of the heart of the wolf beside you and eat it raw." With that, the wolf disappeared.

   The next day, Drake wandered around the forest again, with Wolf beside him. He was deep in thought. He had always looked upon the priests in awe and reverence, and really wanted to become one of them, and speak with Grothar and Jeyriall. However, would he kill Wolf in order to become a priest? Drake was torn between his desire to become a priest and his love of Wolf. He spent the whole day looking sombre, deep in thought. Wolf sensed his sadness, and sometimes licked his face to comfort him, but Drake still seemed sad. As night drew near, Drake came up with a decision. He would not sacrifice his friend's life in order to achieve his own's greatness. He would not kill Wolf so that he could become a priest. He would become a priest through his own means, and would not harm a friend for his own selfish ways. He would not kill Wolf!

   That night, Drake met the strange wolf in his dream again. "My beloved child," the wolf spoke, "I have sensed your answer, and am satisfied with it. Coupled with resilience and bravery, you also have the ability to sense right and wrong, and would not let your friends suffer to achieve your own goals. These are the ways of the True Eyelian. With your decision, you have shown yourself as a True Eyelian, and have saved your bond, Wolf, from his death. Drake Wolven, from this moment on, you have entered manhood, as a True Eyelian." The wolf turned away and slowly disappeared. Just before it did, it turned around and said, "A piece of advice, it would be better if you become a beastmaster. The life of a priest is not for you."

   Drake returned home that following day and recounted all that happened to the Elders, and he was led to meet the fellow Beastmasters. His father, happy that he had come back safely, also gave him the Wolf Talisman he wore around his neck, the artefact passed down for generations as a blessing. Artifacts are currently banned from play. I would prefer if you called it a heirloom, so there is no mistake about it being magical, as that would not be allowed.

   Drake quickly learnt the job requirements and the daily chores of a beastmaster, and did them well. This is the life of Drake Wolven until now.

   

Weapons:

Maple Longbow- His father gave it to him after his leg was crippled.

Staff - It is a normal wooden stuff cut from an Oak Tree. He knows what kind of wood is good for a staff.

Belongings:

Quiver of arrows

Small Hatchet - Used for cutting branches that may be needed to start a fire. Also, it can be used to cut staves.

Wolf Talisman - unknown use, passed down through the generations as a blessing

Strike Stone - For making fire

Familiars:

Wolf - He met Wolf during his seek for the spirit. I'd like more of a description for Wolf. Describe him for us, so that anyone you role play with will know how your wolf looks.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Mina on December 18, 2007, 10:42:48 PM
Quote
Is it me or do you seem a little overpowered in your S&W, I mean you seem to have more strenghts than you weakness can keep up with.
Quote
Also, I have increased the weaknesses to 6. That is one more than my strengths, I think.

It's not the number of strengths and weaknesses that matter, but what they do.  You could still be overpowered if you have far more weaknesses than strengths, if for example, those strengths make you really powerful and the weaknesses don't really hinder you much. 


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 19, 2007, 10:16:52 AM
Thanks for the comments, and thank you mod! Sorry for some inconsistencies in my history and my strengths/weaknesses, because I just lowered my strengths and forgot to edit my history.

I have finished editing my CD. Can you please check on it now? Thanks.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 27, 2007, 04:59:16 AM
Bumping


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Vesk Lyricahl on December 28, 2007, 07:50:40 PM
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He is a excellent tamer, and knows the languages of wolves and birds. He has a very strong bond with wolves, and his holy spirit (the creature that appears in his dreams and guides him) is a wolf. He can ask for help from wolves when he is in trouble easily, and the wolves would come for him immediately when they heard him. His communication with birds is much weaker than his communication with wolves. However, he can still ask birds to pass messages for him when he is in trouble.

I don't like the way this sentence is worded. It implies a mental connection with the wolves, which he would not have. To clarify, you should say something to the effect that wolves will come to aid him should there be any close enough to hear him, and that there are not always wolves nearby.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on December 29, 2007, 07:48:35 AM
Thanks for your comments. I have edited it.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on January 01, 2008, 06:27:16 AM
Bump.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Vesk Lyricahl on January 08, 2008, 02:53:55 AM
Quote
He is rather slim and slender, but is very strong. He is not as bulky as the incredible hulk, but he is still strong. His lean muscles can still be seen on his arms(If this is still not clear enough, think of Robin Hood). These references to the real world do not fit within the realm of Santharia. So, please remove them. Other than that, you should be ready for your first approval. :)


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on January 14, 2008, 03:06:12 PM
Thanks. I have edited my CD


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Simonne Miller on January 15, 2008, 05:51:03 PM
All right, what I would like to see:

-You switch sometimes between past and present tense. The only place you really want past tense is your history, or when you have one sentence referring to the past. In your weaknesses for example,  you have 'would' a few times. Don't tell us what it or he 'would' do, tell us what it or he does.

- Pay attention not to make the wolves too intelligent. Yes, they are intelligent animals, but in the end still animals.

- About your leg: Usually, when a leg is just broken, they set the bone and let it heal, instead of amputating the limb. Might I suggest that the leg had been crushed during the fall, so that it was really necessary to amputate it? Amputation is really a last means, so the injury would have to be such that it could not be healed otherwise.

-Perhaps you can add a paragraph telling us about learning the language of birds? And which birds would also be a nice addition. A large part of the bird language is the notes used, and you're not going to tell me that a nightinggale uses the same notes as a sparrow ;) So you'll have to make a choice there, I'm afraid.

That's all I can remember. I'll come back when you've done these things :)


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on January 19, 2008, 05:40:20 AM
Thanks. I have edited the tenses, added another paragraph describing his learning of the bird language and added more details about his broken leg. However, I am not sure how I made Wolf too intelligent and how I can make him less intelligent. Can you please clarify?


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Kalína Mërénwčn on January 19, 2008, 10:55:47 AM
We generally prefer you to avoid using decimals when referring to height and weight, especially since a converter is provided for your use.


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Drake Wolven on January 19, 2008, 02:42:17 PM
Thanks. I have changed that


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Kalína Mërénwčn on January 20, 2008, 09:47:14 PM
I think my only qualm at this point is some of the tense aspects Simonne pointed out. "Are be his" instances which appear periodically throughout his CD.

So, I would just suggest reading through it with a fine tooth comb (bottom to top) and fixing what you can find. Once you have done that, you should have my approval :)


Title: Re: Drake Wolven/ Eyelian/ Beastmaster
Post by: Simonne Miller on January 20, 2008, 10:54:11 PM
"Greetings to you, Mister Wolf."
"Thank you, brother."
"It is my duty, brother."
"I got lost with my clan. Can I follow you, brother?"

I copied here the things you or one of the wolves 'said'. However, being animals, they have little concept of family ties such as 'brother' or 'clan', let alone 'duty'. And yes, you can say that I don't know this for sure but you can take it from me, these are very human concepts. They understand the hunt, and social hierarchy, and enemies. They have a certain body language signs to signal that they are friendly, or submissive, or hostile, but I doubt very much that they have, say, a certain growl that signifies 'clan', or 'duty'. Do you understand what I mean with taking care to not make them too intelligent? Despite them being very intelligent and social animals, you should take care not to make them too human :)

Simonne


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