Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters Archive II => Topic started by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 18, 2008, 12:07:53 PM



Title: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 18, 2008, 12:07:53 PM
Name:Menweh Reolláolásh’miés
Gender: Female
Race: Elvish
Tribe: Ylfferhim
Profession: Scribe
Title: Wind Caller

Age: 28   
Height: 1 Ped 2 Fore 3 Nailsbreaths 1 Grain
Weight: 8 Heb 1 Hafeb 3 Od 9 Mut
Eyes: Blue (The color of a borage flower)
Hair: Golden-white
Birthday: 18th Changing Winds
General Appearance:
Menweh has always been short( for her people, she stands even with most human men) . She was shortest when she was young, and she is still one of the shorter (She stands proudly at 1.7 peds) elves who attend the grand magical academy of Ximax. For the most part she wears her nearly white-gold hair in a loose braid that starts at the base of her neck and continues to the small of her back, and always has some strands of hair falling in front of her face, most of the time these loose strands covers up one of her light blue eyes. When this happens she promptly tucks the flowing strand behind her ear. Menweh's skin tone is a soft moonlit flesh color that is sharply accented by her golden-white hair and her darker colored eyes. Menweh for the most part has a serene and calm expression upon her angular face and a smile always on her lips.

Her body is rather willowy and her curves are soft, not as well defined as most women, but she is noticeably female just modestly so. Menweh is toned enough from working on her father's ship, and long elegant fingers from working in the intricate account books for long hours.

In her thin fingers she usually holds a walking staff of bleached wood that is carved with the name of her family's merchant ship as well as a prayer to Grothar, usually another one to her patron lord on a ribbon that is written in Ylffer also. Her walking staff also portrays the ship, waves, and some of the major events in her life.

Clothing: For the most part she adorns herself in a white, cotton robe that is ankle length with sleeves that bell out and ends at her elbows. Under her robes she wears soft cotton leggings and doe skin boots, but has been known to wear slippers on occasion. On her index finger she wears the seal of her family, this ring is what she used to close documents and shipping orders with, as of now it is her only link to her family in Aer'ylferian. Around her waist she wears a belt that sheaths her dagger and has several spell component pouches.

Personality: Menweh is a dreamer of sorts, one of her most frequent activities is to day dream about adventures, romance, finding ruins, exploring. You name it, she’ll dream it up. There were many times when she has been balancing account books and would stop for long periods of time just to daydream about exploring a abandoned ruin of some forgotten people, looking through an ancient arcane library, or simply just arbored her father's ship or in her mother's study. On the other hand she can devote her whole essence to a single task, and ignore the outside world completely.

For the most part she is an overly cheerful person, nothing is bad to her. She could be called overly optimistic, but with the way she sees things is there is always a good side, even if it is a small as saying "Well, you still have your health!"  Menweh's cheerfulness lead to hyper activity like some do, especially since she began her studies at Ximax, she seems to be relaxed in her cheer. Menweh has always been calm and collected, but not distantly so, she has always retained a cheerful and pleasant attitude and is always amicable to those she meets and befriends.

Menweh loves to learn. Ever since she was little she would ask questions about the various jewels they sold, where they came from, what they were called, why they were selling them if they were so valuable and pretty. When Menweh was out at sea, she would ask sailors and her father about the constellations, the stars, the waves and the Weather. The parts of the ship, the terms used aboard a vessel, and the various different directions. This curiosity and desire to know have lead her to learn various interesting social situations. Too many times she has found herself having to explain what she was doing after reading letters that had been left open on her father's desk or rummaging through sailor's belongings. In time people began to lock up things around her so she wouldn't get to them. In recent years she has learned to curb this aspect of her curiosity but the curiosity it self is strong enough that there are times when she cannot resist it.

Strengths:

Learned
Menweh is well versed in Tharian, Styrásh, Ylffer, and from her countless hours in the Ximax library's she has even picked up some Ancient Styrásh, thus she knows about the various oratory uses and can use them to persuade a person by appealing to various emotions and knowledges.

Caligraphy
She also has very beautiful penmen ship from balancing her family's books and from working in the Library as a scribe. This practice has also let her mimic the hand writing of other's as well as to create very official looking documents. Menweh can copy a style of writing after spending ten to fifteen minutes looking at it.

Accountant
Menweh is good with accounting. Menweh is very good at making sure that the inventory is all accounted for, making sure that the numbers all add up, and making sure the right portion is given during trades. This pours over into Menweh's use of magic reagents, she always uses the right amount of her magical regents and uses them wisely and sparingly. This mean that Menweh, for the most part, achieves some minor effect on the spells that can be helped with regents.

Devoted
Menweh can also devote herself to one task without the risk of day dreaming, as long as it is one task and one task only.

Wind magic
Menweh has a fairly good hand on the physical nature of Wind magic thus far.


Weakness:

Story lover
Menweh loves a good story, especially ones of romance and adventure and will stop what ever she is doing if she hears one or skims across one in a tome. 

Curiostiy
Her curiosity leads her into places she shouldn't be. Menweh's curiosity has lead her into various places(i.e. Bedrooms, offices and the like) that she should never have been in the first place. This also leads her to awkward situations if she has not remembered to use her magic to hide herself.

Day Dreamer
Also she daydreams, sometimes this is just to kill time, but it can happen at very, very inconvenient times.

Cob fear
Menweh has a horrific case of Cob fear and will not be able to do anything except scream and run away until the spider, or spider look alike is gone or killed.

Rigging Shy
Menweh fell when she was only ten years old out of the crow's nest of the Paél’shatán. Now it is very hard for her to go anywhere that is high above, solid ground or the deck. As long as she doesn't look down, she'll only feel nervious, but should she look down, she

Wretched leg
 When Menweh fell from the Paél’shatán's crows nest, her leg was caught in some rigging that when it had run out of slack, wretched her right leg out of it's socket and tore some of the muscles around it. It hampers her movement and as such the fastest pace she can muster is a light jog, but that puts a lot of strain on her leg, if she tries to run one of she will inevitably find her self flat on her face, as her leg will "lock up" and refused to work. One especially cold days she will have pain in her hip and knee.

Soothing tea
 Menweh must drink her tea or else the full pains of her leg will assult her.


History: Menweh was born in Aer'ylferian to a Merchant family. She is the eldest daughter in her family, but is the second born. She often stayed home and helped her mother with dealings in the city as well as balancing the books when her father came home after selling off various gems and precious metals as well as loads of limestone. She would often dream of going on her father's ship, the Paél’shatán (Mist Runner). She would dream that she was strapped to the crow's nest or on the prow of the ship, banishing the winds of a raging storm. It wasn't until she was eleven did she go off with her father and watch their cargo as it was transferred down from the quarries and mines, to their merchant ship down in Yln'fain'tir.

Her first trip led her to be scared for life. On the Paél’shatán she did more than just keep the books, she also archived them and got lumber for the cook's fire. One day while she was  down in the hull of the ship, she lifted a bundle of wood that housed a small brown spider. She carried the lumber up to the chief,  unaware of the scuttling Weaveweft. When she arrived at the "kitchens" she lay the wood on the fire and went up to deck. When she stepped outside she felt what she assumed was a breeze tickle her neck. It wasn't until the "breeze" crawled around her neck, over her ear, and into her sight was it that she realized what it was. A Cob now loomed in her vision and she screamed her highest. In response to being started the spider bit her, and rather aggressively at that leaving a nasty oozing wound. A sailor near her swept the arachnid off of her and crushed it under his boot. The experience, while not fatal left Menweh is a strong aversion to anything with eight or more legs.

On one of her later trips another twist of fate fell upon her. Prior to a storm she had been given the duty of watching from the Crow's nest for pirates, other ships, and land. When the storm hit the Reolláolásh’miés' trading vessel it tossed her from her post. Luckily for her she didn't find her peace within the depths of the sea, unluckily for her she had rigging that held her captive. When the rigging went taught her weight and speed cause her right knee and hip to be removed from their rightful places along with tearing of tissues that helped to keep them put. She remained upside down, in pain, and terrorfied for a good five minutes before she was noticed.

When the got to the port, Her father immediately sent for a healer. When the healer was done he gave her father the news.

"Your daughter can still use her leg, after she lets it rest for a while, a month maybe. The bad news is that her leg will plague her for the rest of her life, especially during the colder seasons. I recommend a tincture of Dreamer's breath and Jeshanna lily as well as a cane."

 When she was about sixteen, her Uncle taught her the art of wind magic to defend herself against pirates as she was now getting older and could no longer hide in the hull inside a chest or in a closet. After six months of basic elvish wind magic deemed her worthy to board the ship with the crew. They traveled to Yln’fain’tir and watched as the crewmen and dock workers loaded the ship. Sometime later, after they had visited an eating house and the vessel had been filled with goods, boarded her family's trade ship, the Paél’shatán.

On the fifteenth day of the voyage, the winds had begun to die, and by the seventeenth day the winds had become as hushed as the grave and the water as smooth as glass.  The first day was spent cleaning the ship, fishing, and doing general chores. Nothing was out of the ordinary, the sailors joked that the winds would return by night fall and Grothar was just being moody again. When night fall came, it was still as hushed as it had been. Not even a light breeze blew into their sails. The second day passed the same as the first. On the morning of the third day the crew had become worried and began to seethe and fret at their fate. If the winds did not come back, if no gusts fill their sails they would be lost and left to the mercy of Queprur.

That night Menweh's father, the first mate and the crew held a vigil that lasted through the night beseeching Grothar for the slightest wind that would fill their sails. Menweh watched on with growing dread. She promised Grothar that if they got out of this alive, she would spend a portion of her life studying how to use wind magic so that she might be able to help too, instead of just working on deck. Morning came with no wind. By now food was at half rations and some of the crew had started to become agitated with the situation Captain Reolláolásh’miés had gotten them into.

That evening they attempted to mutiny the ship. It was lucky for Menweh that she was down in the hull of the ship exploring, or she would have seen the merciless killing of the ten men who had mutinied as well as four of her father's most loyal sailors. It was only when she arrived on deck did she know of the mutiny. Her father walked over to her as they pushed the last of the bodies overboard. He gently pulled her aside and told her what happened. She was horrified and spent the next day, the fourth windless day, inside her father's quarters. That night the whole ship was awoken by yelling. Every one ran on deck, weapons drawn ready to defend their ship to the death against whatever it was that the watchman was yelling about. Menweh unsheathed
 her dagger and raced our side. When the doors opened she was greeted by a rush of wind and the crack of canvas. Every one on deck was now cheering, Grothar had saved them, they were now back on track. As soon as they reached port Menweh turned to her father and told him that she was determined to learn Wind magic so that never would have to happen again. He smiled and patted her on the back saying that he'd be proud to have a mage of the Reolláolásh’miés house aboard his merchant vessel one day.  One year later to the day, Menweh left her home and the familiarity of the business world to go off and study wind magic, which she has been for the last ten years. She eventually gained a job, determined to pay for her own expenses while living in Ximax.

Recently she has become restless, and wants to travel again and test herself against the elements.

Magic: Menweh is a 2nd level mage. She is focusing on working working with the Physical Representations of the element of wind. In those respects she is blessed with a fair amount of talent. However she is very poor at using the element of wind to befuddle or otherwise influence other's minds, so her spiritual representations of that nature are very poor in quality.

Menweh has been focusing most of her first level studies into her ability to manipulate physical wind ounia to create high winds and She has found that is is rather easy for her to strengthen the wind ounia in the cár'áll around her. This is due her determination to be able to increase and decrease the influence of wind's properties the sails of her father's ship, so the ship will not be damaged nor the ship stranded. and her long hours of study.

Her firsts attempts at using Reflection were only so she could see the adventures and romances being played out in her mind, in front of her (a sort of enhanced day dream if you will). This of course, and rather quickly, became one of her favorite spells to waste away time with, especially times where she shouldn't be daydreaming (her classes for example). When manipulating wind onia to affect the minds of others, she tends to run into problems, this aspect of wind she is not the best at. As such she rarely even attempts mind affecting wind magic.

Vanish has been a life saver for her. She knows she can't use this spell on herself, or any living creature, but it does come in handy when she is not supposed to be holding a mirror in class to use in the aforementioned spell. When she needs to become as invisible as a vanished mirror that is another story. She has been using Hide ever since she learned of it to get anywhere she could that wasn't sealed off by magic or locked doors. In the beginning she did have some problems with Hide, and on many occasions was scolded on the improper use of magic and the respect she should she should show others when her Hide spell faltered, reveling Menweh to any passers by.


Upon attaining a second level in spell casting she began to realize that certain illusions and mind affecting did not come easily to her. On the other hand, the element of air and other types of illusions (conjure wind being the best example) come much easier to her. However, Menweh's spiritual aspects of wind are horrendous. As such it takes longer to use magic on the spiritual side of wind magic. This is usually accompanied with poor results along with longer casting times.


Weapons: Menweh always carries a dagger with her at all times sheathed just above her left hip.

Menweh's dagger is always placed in an ornate sheath that hangs from her belt around her left hip. This dagger was given to her by her father on her first major mercantile trip and is mostly for ceremonial purposes.

She also has a walking staff that she brings with her everywhere although it is not much use in a fight beyond delivering a bruise or two.

Belongings: Menweh has a sealing ring with her family's seal on it that she never takes off. Also she is never more than a nailsbreath away from her spell book which she will pull out and study the various formulae and workings of magic with. Beyond that she has a few minor spell ingredients with her as well as a dagger at all times as well as a tincture of Jeshanna lily and Dreamer's breath. She also carries her walking staff with her.


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/Ylfferhim/Scribe
Post by: Mannix on April 18, 2008, 01:30:38 PM
Hi Menweh, and welcome to Santharia.
I'm not sure if your CD is finished or not so I'll just comment anyway.
- First of all you need to change your message icon to either the pencil of the exclamation mark, depending if you are finished or not.
- Now the CD,  It would be good if you had subtitles for every section.  I notice that you have done it for some, but not all.  If you are unsure what the titles should be check here (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?page=12).
- I like the appearance so far, but you could always add more.
- the first two sentences of the clothing section start the same way, it would be nice if you change them a bit.  It make smoother reading.
- You should split your strengths and weaknesses up into separate dot points.
- Your magic section is rather short, you need to show you understand the magic system.  Consult any of the many magic experts if you have questions.
- You say that she went to study magic because there was no wind for four days while they were on a ship.  This doesn't seem like an adequate reason to change her life.  Perhaps if you say she always had an underlying desire to study magic and this was just an excuse, or something like that.
- You have a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but not many, which is always good to see.
It was enjoyable to read this CD, and it is very promising.  Sorry I haven't pointed all the good part, and there are many.  And sorry if this isn't finished and I have commented on things you already knew.  Good work and good luck.

Mannix


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/Ylfferhim/Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 18, 2008, 01:52:24 PM
I was! I am sorry I didn't do the flagging thing! And I'll get on the suggestions you gave me! Thank for the suggestions, all though I am not quiet sure what to do about the magic part maybe some pointers?


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/Ylfferhim/Scribe
Post by: Simonne Miller on April 18, 2008, 04:00:36 PM
Well, since you asked for pointers for your magic section, i'll give you some examples of very well written magic sections from some other players:

A wind mage: Azhira El'rosse (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php/topic,5381.0.html)
A fire mage: Laoise Tyrani (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php/topic,5174.0.html)
A Frost (/water) mage: Josephine (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php/topic,4604.0.html)

Maybe these will help you to expand your own magic section :)


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Mannix on April 18, 2008, 11:21:06 PM
Hey Menweh,

Nice to see you intergrated the comments so quickly.  For your magic section you should show you understand the magic system.  First of all read here (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php/topic,4477.0.html) to make sure you understand.  Then you should intergrate this knowledge into your writing.  I would write a few spells most commonly used, how they are used, and for what purpose.  I the guide you will notice that the are traits associated with the elements.  You could incorporate these into your personality and such.  Also just so you know I'm not an expert in magic, this is just what I have pick up.  Hope I've helped, and remember don't hesitate to ask our friendly magic experts.

Mannix


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 19, 2008, 12:11:56 AM
Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I hope it is better now!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 19, 2008, 11:34:07 AM
And I hope my additions to her looks are satisfactory. Should I add more?


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Mannix on April 19, 2008, 07:03:15 PM
Hi again, comments are in light blue.
Name:Menweh Reolláolásh’miés
Gender: Female
Race: Elvish
Tribe: Ylfferhim (Don't make these headings green, it was only a minor change.)
Profession: Scribe
Title: Wind Caller
Age: 28   
Height: 1 Ped 2 Fore 3 Nailsbreaths 1 Grain
Weight: 8 Heb 1 Hafeb 3 Od 9 Mut
Eyes: Blue ((delete think)  The color of a borage flower)
Hair: Golden-white
General Appearance:
Menweh has always been short. She was shortest when she was young, and she is still one of the shorter (She stands proudly at 1.7 peds) elves who attend the grand magical academy of Ximax. For the most part she wears her nearly white-gold hair in a loose braid that starts at the base of her neck and continues to the small of her back, and always has some strains of hair falling in front of her face, most of the time these loose strands covers up one of her light blue eyes. When this happens she promptly tucks the flowing strand behind her ear. Menweh's skin tone is a soft moonlit flesh color that is sharply accented by her golden-white hair and her darker colored eyes.Menweh for the most part has a serene and calm expression upon her angular face and a smile always on her lips.

Her body is rather willowy and her curves are soft, not as well defined as most women, but she is noticeably female just modestly so. Menweh is toned enough from working on her father's ship, and long elegant fingers from working in the intricate account books for long hours.

Clothing: For the most part she adorns herself in a white, cotton robe that is ankle length with sleeves that bell out and end at her elbows. Under her robes she wears soft cotton leggings and doe skin boots, but has been known to wear slippers on occasion. One her index finger she wears the seal of her family, this ring is what she used to close documents and shipping orders with, as of now it is her only link to her family in Aer'ylferian. Around her waist she wears a belt that sheaths her dagger and has several spell component pouches.

Personality: Menweh is a dreamer of sorts, one of her most frequent activities is to day dream about adventures, romance, finding ruins, exploring. You name it, she’ll dream it up. On the other hand she can devote her whole essence to a task, and ignore the outside world completely.  For the most part she is an overly cheerful person, nothing is bad to her. Menweh has never been hyper active, especially since she began her studies at Ximax, she seems to be relaxed in her cheerful ways. She also has unparalleled curiosity, especially about ancient Santharian. (Your personality is the most major thing in your CD, you should beef this up.)

(delete space)
Strengths:
-Menweh is well versed in Tharian, Styrásh, Ylffer, and from her countless hours in the Ximax library's she has even picked up some Ancient Styrásh. (Explain how this helps.)
-She also has very beautiful penmen ship from balancing her family's books and from working in the Library as a scribe. (Explain how this helps.)
-Menweh is good with accounting. (Explain how this helps.)

Weakness:
-Menweh loves a good story, especially ones of romance and adventure and will stop what ever she is doing if she hears one or skims across one in a tome. 
-Her curiosity leads her into places she shouldn't be. (Explain further.)
-Also she daydreams, sometimes this is just to kill time, but it can happen at very, very inconvenient times. (Don't make these hypens green, again it was only a minor change.)

History: Menweh was born in Aer'ylferian to a Merchant family. She is the eldest daughter in her family, but is the second born. She often stayed home and helped her mother with dealings in the city as well as balancing the books when her father came home after selling off various gems and precious metals as well as loads of limestone. She would often dream of going on her father's ship,(space)the Paél’shatán. She would dream that she was strapped to the crow's nest or on the prow of the ship, banishing the winds of a raging storm. It wasn't until she was eleven did she go off with her father and watch their cargo as it was transferred down from the quarries and mines, to their merchant ship down in Yln'fain'tir.
One trip however changed her life. When she was about sixteen, her father taught her the art of wielding a dagger and a bow to defend herself against pirates, as she was now getting older and could no longer hide in the hull inside a chest or in a closet. After six months of her training her father deemed her worthy to board the ship with the crew. They traveled to Yln’fain’tir and watched as the crewmen and dock workers loaded the ship. Sometime later, after they had visited an eating house and the vessel had been filled with goods, she boarded her family's trade ship, the Paél’shatán.(?)
On the fifteenth day of the voyage, the winds had begun to die, and by the seventeenth day the winds had become as hushed as the grave and the water as smooth as glass.  The first day was spent cleaning the ship, fishing, and doing general chores. Nothing was out of the ordinary, the sailors joked that the about(?) the winds saying that they would return by night fall. When night  fall came, it was still as hushed as it had been. Not even a light breeze blew into their sails. The second day passed the same as the first. On the morning of the third day the crew had become worried and began to seethe and fret at their fate. If the winds did not come back, if no gusts fill their sails they would be lost and left to the mercy of Queprur. That night Menweh's father, the first mate and the crew held a vigil that lasted through the night beseeching Grothar for the slightest wind that would fill their sails. Menweh watched on with growing dread. She promised Grothar that if they got out of this alive, she would spend a portion of her life studying how to use wind magic so that she might be able to help too, instead of just working on deck. Morning came with no wind. By now food was at half rations and some of the crew had started to become agitated with the situation Captain Reolláolásh’miés had gotten them into.
That evening they attempted to mutiny the ship. It was lucky for Menweh that she was down in the hull of the ship exploring, or she would have seen the merciless killing of the ten men who had mutinied as well as four of her father's most loyal sailors. It was only when she arrived on deck did she know of the mutiny. Her father walked over to her as they pushed the last of the bodies overboard. He gently pulled her aside and told her what happened. She was horrified and spent the next day, the fourth windless day, inside her father's quarters. That night the whole ship was awoken by yelling. Every one ran on deck, weapons drawn ready to defend their ship to the death against whatever it was that the (delete the 2nd the) watchman was yelling about. Menweh too strapped on her quiver and picked up her bow and stepped outside. When the doors opened she was greeted by a rush of wind and the crack of canvas. Every one on deck was now cheering, Grothar had saved them, they were now back on track. As soon as they reached port Menweh turned to her father and told him that she was determined to learn Wind magic so that never would have to happen again. He smiled and patted her on the back saying that he'd be proud to have a mage of the Reolláolásh’miés house aboard his merchant vessel one day.  One year later, to the day, Menweh left her home and the familiarity of the business world to go off and study wind magic, which she has been for the last ten years. She eventually gained a job, determined to pay for her own expenses while living in Ximax. ,

Recently she has become restless, and wants to travel again and test herself against the elements.

Magic: Menweh has  reached her second level of spell casting. Currently she is very good at conjuring winds and working with the element of wind itself. In those respects she is blessed with a fair amount of talent. However she is very poor at using the element of air to befuddle or otherwise influence other's minds so her illusions of that nature are very poor in quality.

Menweh has been focusing most of her first level studies into her ability to conjure winds. She has found that is is rather easy for her to increase the amount of wind ounia in the cár'áll around her. Whether this due to some minor gift or just her determination to be able to increase the wind ounia in the sails of her father's ship, she doesn't quiet know.

Her firsts attempts at using Reflection were only so she could see the adventures and romances being played out in her mind, in front of her. This of course, and rather quickly, became one of her favorite spells to waste away time with, especially times where she shouldn't be daydreaming (her classes for example). When she preforms this spell upon herself, she finds that is is relatively easy to do as finding the wind ounia in her own cár'áll is a simple enough task. However she finds it difficult to look through other's cár'áll to find Wind ounia and only does it when she has no other choice, otherwise she is perfectly happy with keeping the spell to her self.

Vanish has been a life saver for her. She knows she can't use this spell on herself, or any living creature, but it does come in handy when she is not supposed to be holding a mirror in class to use in the aforementioned spell. When she needs to become as invisible as a vanished mirror that is another story. She has been using Hide ever since she learned of it to get anywhere she could that wasn't sealed off by magic or locked doors. In the beginning she did have some problems with the Hide, and on several occasions was rushed to a healer when her Hide spell had become a Vanishing one by accident.

Upon attaining a second level in spell casting she began to realize that certain illusions and mind affecting
did not come easily to her. On the other hand, the element of air and other types of illusions (conjure wind being the best example) come much easier to her. (I'll leave the magic to someone else.)

(delete space)

Weapons: Menweh always carries a dagger with her at all times, she also carries a bow with a quiver full of arrows only when she goes out of the city or is on merchant trips. (Maybe explain the weapons more, where are they held etc.)

Belongings: Menweh has a sealing ring with her family's seal on it that she never takes off. Also she is never more than a nailsbreath away from her spell book which she will pull out and study the various formulae and workings of magic with. Beyond that she has a few minor spell ingredients with her as well as a dagger at all times.

And there we go.  A nice CD, intergrate the comments and I'll ask someone else to take a look.  Good work.

Mannix


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 21, 2008, 02:25:47 AM
Thank you so much Mannix! Okay I think I put everything up that you suggested! I hope you have a good day! and thank you so much for your time!

Now I wait *lurk*.


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on April 21, 2008, 02:43:09 AM
Hey Menweh, welcome to Santharia! Here's a quick magic check.

Magic: Menweh has reached her second level of spell casting. Currently she is very good at conjuring winds and working with the element of wind itself. In those respects she is blessed with a fair amount of talent. However she is very poor at using the element of air<--wind is the element you manipulate, not air. Air is wind attempting to act like earth, and therefore becoming more still. Your element should always be referenced as wind, never air. to befuddle or otherwise influence other's minds(comma) so her illusions of that nature are very poor in quality.

Menweh has been focusing most of her first level studies into her ability to conjure winds. She has found that is is rather easy for her to increase the amount of wind ounia in the cár'áll around her.<--Sphere I mages merely increase the influence of certain properties over a cár'áll, only indirectly strengthening Xeuá links. Adding ouniá to a cár'áll would be Sphere III, by creating Xeuá links with ouniá outside of the cár'áll. In short, she only increases the influence of properties, rather than adding ouniá. Whether this is due to some minor gift or just her determination to be able to increase the influence of wind's properties in the sails of her father's ship, she doesn't quiet know.<--Wouldn't she *know* that she learned how to do it at Ximax, or is she a gifted magic user? I would advise against making a gifted, please.

Her firsts attempts at using Reflection were only so she could see the adventures and romances being played out in her mind, in front of her. This of course, and rather quickly, became one of her favorite spells to waste away time with, especially times where she shouldn't be daydreaming (her classes for example). When she preforms this spell upon herself, she finds that is is relatively easy to do(comma) as finding the wind ounia in her own cár'áll is a simple enough task. However she finds it difficult to look through other's cár'áll to find Wind ounia and only does it when she has no other choice, otherwise she is perfectly happy with keeping the spell to her self.

Vanish has been a life saver for her. She knows she can't use this spell on herself, or any living creature, but it does come in handy when she is not supposed to be holding a mirror in class to use in the aforementioned spell. When she needs to become as invisible as a vanished mirror that is another story. She has been using Hide ever since she learned of it to get anywhere she could that wasn't sealed off by magic or locked doors. In the beginning she did have some problems with the Hide, and on several occasions was rushed to a healer when her Hide spell had become a Vanishing one by accident.

Upon attaining a second level in spell casting she began to realize that certain illusions and mind affecting This can be on the same line. --> did not come easily to her. On the other hand, the element of air<--wind  ;) and other types of illusions (conjure wind being the best example) come much easier to her.

You have a pretty good understanding of the magic system Menweh.  :) Just remember that air is not an element, and that sI mages cannot add ouniá to a cár'áll. Good luck with your approval.


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 21, 2008, 05:52:31 AM
Thank you so very much Eléyr! Your comments I took into account! I hope my CD is becoming more readable and in tune with this worlds nuances! I hope you have a good day!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Angela on April 21, 2008, 05:47:34 PM
Eleyr, I do not wish to insult any of your comments but I would just like to note to her that mages are capable of adding ounia to a car'all. Unfortunately, that can only be done by mages of the sphere III variety. Anyway, I was just informing you :)

Have a nice and lovely week!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on April 21, 2008, 08:52:02 PM
Quote
Adding ouniá to a cár'áll would be Sphere III, by creating Xeuá links with ouniá outside of the cár'áll.

That sentence was directly within my comments... The only ones I said who couldn't add ouniá were Sphere I mages and her... :angry:


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 22, 2008, 04:31:28 AM
Okay I edited a little more to make it, hopefully, more knowledgeable of the Santharian magic systhem!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Azhira Styralias on April 23, 2008, 01:01:18 AM
Ah, a fellow Wind mage!  :D I am no magic expert, but I do have a wind mage, so I would like to comment on your magic section as I know it is one of the hardest things to write.

Magic: Menweh has reached her second level of spell casting. Currently she is very good at conjuring winds and working with the element of wind itself. In those respects she is blessed with a fair amount of talent. However she is very poor at using the element of wind to befuddle or otherwise influence other's minds, so her illusions of that nature are very poor in quality.

This is a good start. However, you are very general in stating that you are very good with working with the element of wind itself. You mean the actual physical wind? You'll need to be more specific there. In magic, the element of wind could mean alot of things.

Menweh has been focusing most of her first level studies into her ability to conjure winds. She has found that is is rather easy for her to strengthen the  wind ounia in the cár'áll around her. This is due her determination to be able to increase the influence of wind's properties the sails of her father's ship and her long hours of study.

Again, a little more specific. You can conjure wind, which is accurate for a level I mage, but when you say you find it easy to strengthen the wind ounia in the cár'áll around you, that could mean alot of things and is required for most all wind spells. Be sure to focus on some specific areas with which you can do this.

Her firsts attempts at using Reflection were only so she could see the adventures and romances being played out in her mind, in front of her. This of course, and rather quickly, became one of her favorite spells to waste away time with, especially times where she shouldn't be daydreaming (her classes for example). When she preforms this spell upon herself, she finds that is is relatively easy to do, as finding the wind ounia in her own cár'áll is a simple enough task. However she finds it difficult to look through other's cár'áll to find Wind ounia and only does it when she has no other choice, otherwise she is perfectly happy with keeping the spell to her self.

Casting Reflection upon yourself is not typically done. If you wanted to daydream, you could simply think thoughts...no need for a spell. That spell is used upon others mostly as a means of distraction (Azhira uses it for that). As a level I or II mage, you should find it simple to "see" the wind ounia in other things and people, but manipulating it with any amount of skill requires focus and concentration. I would suggest that Reflection should be easy for you to do, but you state earlier that manipulating minds is harder for you.

Vanish has been a life saver for her. She knows she can't use this spell on herself, or any living creature, but it does come in handy when she is not supposed to be holding a mirror in class to use in the aforementioned spell. When she needs to become as invisible as a vanished mirror that is another story. She has been using Hide ever since she learned of it to get anywhere she could that wasn't sealed off by magic or locked doors. In the beginning she did have some problems with Hide, and on several occasions was rushed to a healer when her Hide spell had become a Vanishing one by accident.

As a level I or II mage, you can make small things vanish fairly easily (although you most likely have to be touching the object). But to Hide is more difficult. A low level mage would have a hard time completely turning invisible so as to be able to run around undetected. My guess is that you can turn invisible for a short time, or even partially invisible, as you don't have full control over the invisibility property within the car'all yet. In other words, you can turn invisible, but most likely not be able to completely make yourself vanish. You would instead lose the ounia manipulation and become visible again.

Upon attaining a second level in spell casting she began to realize that certain illusions and mind affecting did not come easily to her. On the other hand, the element of air and other types of illusions (conjure wind being the best example) come much easier to her.

For a level I mage, conjuring wind should be simple as should be reflection and vanishing of small objects. Hiding would be harder for you, but can be done for short periods probably. Certain illusions are hard for you because of your mage level and level of training. It is good you are focusing one one area of the magic, illusion, as it is easier to write and concentrate on.

Overall, this is a good start and you clearly are gaining a better understanding of magic. Just be sure to be clear on your definition of the magic element and the vanish/hide differences. :D


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 24, 2008, 02:23:44 PM
Menweh cracks her knuckles as she finishes her magic write up, "Alright! I finally found time to update! Thank you Azhira! I hope your week is going well!" She leans back,"Lets do this! More comments? Help me make myself better!" Menweh smiles waiting for more comments.


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on April 24, 2008, 06:05:11 PM
Wow, this has to be the first character I've ever seen who has accounting as a strength.  I love it!  :D

However, some things seem to be missing from here too - namely magic and weapon skills.  Are these not strengths?  ;)  On the other hand, we try and steer people away from being able to use weapons and magic at the same time.  Partly because each of these skills probably takes you all of your free time to learn, and party because it's very hard to balance them.  Personally I would completly take out the bow if you can - it's a large strength which takes a while to get good at and you're not using it very often. Even as it is you are going to need some good solid weaknesses to balance out the magic.

(Sorry, I'm not very good at magic, so I'll leave that bit for the others)


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on April 24, 2008, 06:39:05 PM
Quote
Magic: Menweh has reached her second level of spell casting. Currently she is very good at conjuring<--manipulating wind ounia to create high winds and working with the Physical Representations of the element of wind itself (in the physical aspects anyway). In those respects she is blessed with a fair amount of talent. However she is very poor at using the element of wind to befuddle or otherwise influence other's minds, so her illusions<--Spiritual Representations of that nature are very poor in quality.

Menweh has been focusing most of her first level studies into her ability to conjure<--manipulate physical winds. She has found that is is rather easy for her to strengthen the  wind ounia in the cár'áll around her (again when summoning or conjuring<--Summoning and conjuring should not be used to define this. Wind ounia are strengthened or weakened, not conjured or summoned. What the mage is working with is already there, just altered.  the physical aspects of wind). This is due her determination to be able to increase<--and decrease as high winds can be damaging to a ship. the influence of wind's properties the sails of her father's ship and her long hours of study.

Her firsts attempts at using Reflection were only so she could see the adventures and romances being played out in her mind, in front of her (a sort of enhanced day dream if you will). This of course, and rather quickly, became one of her favorite spells to waste away time with, especially times where she shouldn't be daydreaming (her classes for example). When manipulating xeuá<-- Xeua is an archmage school of magic and a wind mage has no direct control over the creation of links in the car'all. Xeua links are inadvertently created as side effects of the mages castings, not direct manipulation of them. to affect the minds of others, she tends to run into problems, this aspect of wind she is not the best at. As such she rarely even attempts mind affecting wind magic.

Vanish has been a life saver for her. She knows she can't use this spell on herself, or any living creature, but it does come in handy when she is not supposed to be holding a mirror in class to use in the aforementioned spell. When she needs to become as invisible as a vanished mirror that is another story. She has been using Hide ever since she learned of it to get anywhere she could that wasn't sealed off by magic or locked doors. In the beginning she did have some problems with Hide, and on many occasions was scolded on the improper use of magic and the respect she should she should show others when her Hide spell faltered, reveling Menweh to any passers by.

Upon attaining a second level in spell casting she began to realize that certain illusions and mind affecting did not come easily to her. On the other hand, the element of air and other types of illusions (conjure wind being the best example) come much easier to her.

Also, as Rookie mentioned the combination of weapon skills with magic is not easily balanced. Quite literally combining the two effectively is impossible and you should choose between the bow or magic.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 25, 2008, 12:18:35 AM
Menweh laughs nervously, "sorry, for a moment there I was confused by the difference between xeuá and onia, thank you for pointing that out to me Twén. And thank you Rookie for pointing out to me the strengths I didn't count as strengths at all! All right! Lets go for the next thing!"


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 25, 2008, 10:50:54 AM
She pauses for a moment as she remembers something, "Where exactly is the information on what the months are and secondly am I a bit young for my tribe? Should I be older and have trained longer at Ximax?"


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on April 25, 2008, 11:28:48 AM
Calendar (http://santharia.com/cosmos/santharian_calendar.htm)

Your age fits perfectly into the level of training your character has in magic. No need for any adjustments there hun.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 25, 2008, 11:35:11 AM
Menweh bows, "Thank you very much!" She smiles and waits for further critiques upon herself, tapping the letter-board in front of her desire to role play goes steadily up.


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on April 25, 2008, 08:41:51 PM
Hey there Menweh! Not much left to fix.

Quote
Menweh has always been calm and collected, but not distantly so, she has always retained a cheerful and pleasent<--pleasant attitude and is always amicable to those she meets and befriends.

Quote
Too many times she has found herself have<--having to explain what she was doing after reading letters that had been left open on her father's desk or rummaging through sailor's belongings.

Quote
Menweh's curiosity has lead her into various places(i.e. Bedrooms, Summoning circles,<-- I don't think Ximaxian magic really uses these, nor can I think of another magic system with them here.  ;) offices and the like) that she should never have been in the first place.

Quote
-Menweh's spiritual aspects of wind are horrendous. As such it takes longer to use magic on the spiritual side of wind magic. This is usually accompanied with poor results along with longer casting times.<-- Remember due to you being compared to the average peasant, this should not be in the weakness section. However, you can put it under your magic strength as a limitation to that strength. It just can't be its own weakness.

Well, I really don't think there's much left to fix, other than perhaps balance. You have training in weapons and magic, in addition to the smarts, and your current three weaknesses, with the removal of bad spiritual magic, are all minor personality quirks, which I suppose can be weaknesses, just not very big ones. In addition they seem to almost be variations of the same weakness. Anyways, perhaps a physical weakness, or something a bit more detrimental?


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 26, 2008, 12:34:05 AM
She bows graciously to Eléyr, "Thank you! The only way I can think to get rid of the dagger is to start Menweh's training in magic earlier as a wind mage in her tribe. Should I do that? I just will have her beginning to learn the principles of wind magic instead?"


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Azhira Styralias on April 26, 2008, 01:36:19 AM
I agree! Almost there, Menweh.  :D Your character is coming along nicely.

As Eleyr said, you *may* need to add a potential weakness...but honestly, in the overall scope of of your character, I don't see the need to do so. I think your weaknesses are fine and I feel that adding another one for the sake of doing so will only look tacked on and not feel right...but, another moderator will have to make that decision.

I would also define your level of magic skill as equal to a level one or two wind mage. You have talent and potential, but you can't really claim to be really good at manipulating wind ounia. That is a very general statement. So define your skill where you are currently at - level one with a bit of level two.

I also think your dagger skill will work, however, it is hard to balance a weapon skill and magic skill. Since your magic skill is so low and your dagger skills are not at the level of perhaps a trained soldier or assassin, I'd say keeping them both is fine. Some people want their CD to have expert in a dagger AND be an uber-mage and that is discouraged. You have a nice balance here, though, in my opinion.  ;)


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on April 27, 2008, 02:33:38 PM
Nah Menweh can only defend herself against foes, I mean she can use the dagger with some skill, she has been training in it and she was a sailor at one point, but she is now focusing in on her magical training, but she is not going to be teh uberz mage with assassin level skill. She is a leaning   mage with some sailing background. I hoped it was alright. Is it possible for her to gain knowledge and training over time?


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Azhira Styralias on April 28, 2008, 09:50:22 AM
Ok Menweh...

The Powers That Be discussed this and have come up with some small issues concerning your Strengths and Weaknesses.

1. I told you that your dagger skills and magic skills were ok to have. We mods discourage this sort of mix as it is hard to balance a character with magic and weapons skills and can tend to be overpowering. So, we have to stick with that "rule". So, I want to take back what I approved of and ask that you remove your dagger skills completely. Twen made a note for you to remove your bow skills so as a result, any other weapon skills need removed to.

2. As Eleyr mentioned, the Powers decided that you will indeed need another weakness or two. You have three very strong strengths - language and writing skills and magic and thus makes you quite intelligent. Your weaknesses are more like quirks and do not really offset your strengths.

I apologize for the confusion I caused. :azn:


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 01, 2008, 10:57:13 PM
No its okay! I figured stuff out! and now that I have internet again I'll post it up! YAY!!!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 03, 2008, 02:41:36 PM
Okay I added a weakness, I have another two lined up if I need to! They'll be interesting, but I'll only add them if I need more! okay here we go! comments!  :D


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on May 05, 2008, 12:34:31 AM
Hey, Menweh! You may want to throw in those other weaknesses, but here's a quick grammar/formatting run through. :)

Quote
and always has some strains<--I'm pretty sure you meant strands here too. of hair falling in front of her face

Quote
Menweh's skin tone is a soft moonlit flesh color that is sharply accented by her golden-white hair and her darker colored eyes.(space)Menweh for the most part has a serene and calm expression upon her angular face and a smile always on her lips.

Quote
One<--On her index finger she wears the seal of her family, this ring is what she used to close documents and shipping orders with, as of now it is her only link to her family in Aer'ylferian.

Quote
There where<were many times when she has been balancing account books and would stop for long periods of time just to daydream about exploring a abandoned ruin of some forgotten people

Quote
-Menweh has a horrific case of arachnaphobia and will not be able to do anything except scream and run away until the spider, or spider look alike is gone or killed.
[/color]<--remove]

Really Menweh, I think you should be ready for approval any time now. Fix these up and throw in those weaknesses, though I didn't check the history, and you should be ready to go. :biggrin:


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on May 05, 2008, 12:40:47 AM
I'd like to highlight what Eleyr said - you're really not very balanced yet, as magic is a strong strength.  Add those others!  :D


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 05, 2008, 02:42:30 AM
Oh this is gonna be interesting! ^^ your word is my command!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 05, 2008, 03:21:43 AM
I added the changes! Along with some items that she'll now need!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on May 05, 2008, 03:42:12 AM
Could you possibly change the two "phobia" words into a description of what they are?  They're just a little scientific and not very santharian ;).   Other than that, I can't see anything holding you back!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 05, 2008, 04:57:44 AM
Yesh! and I was also wondering where does one find out the calender used in Santharia? because I would like to have a birthday for her.. but I don't know what the names of the months are! *cries*


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 05, 2008, 05:11:39 AM
And added the santharia names to the fears!


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on May 05, 2008, 05:27:11 AM
Here's (http://www.santharia.com/cosmos/santharian_calendar.htm) the Santharian Calendar for you. :D

You can throw her birthday in if you want and you should be ready for an approval. :biggrin:

The little magnifying glass at the top corner of the compendium pages to the upper right of all the little symbols works wonders when you searching for something, next time. ;)


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on May 05, 2008, 09:45:27 AM
~First Approval~


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 05, 2008, 01:17:17 PM
Does this mean I can get rid of all the multi coloring and reorganize my character?


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on May 05, 2008, 01:34:34 PM
Go ahead and remove the color, and I will go ahead and toss an approval and title your way :)


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés on May 05, 2008, 11:20:37 PM
YAY!!! *hugs every one who has been on her CD*


Title: Re: Menweh Reolláolásh’miés/ Ylfferhim/ Scribe
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on May 06, 2008, 02:48:29 PM
Titled, archived and ready to play! Enjoy RPing darlin.