Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters Archive II => Topic started by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on April 24, 2008, 06:10:58 AM



Title: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on April 24, 2008, 06:10:58 AM
Name: Cár'ámn Glasajcín (sorrowful Soul)
   
Gender: Male

Age: 103 leaf falls (years)

Race: Elf

Tribe: Tethinrhim

Occupation: Ranger/Mercenary/Archer

Title: Raín Glasajís (Warrior of Sorrow)

Overview:
Cár'ámn Glasajcín is a male elf from the Tethinrhim tribe with a long line of proud Kaierian Warriors.  He has worked hard to obtain the skills that set these skilled individuals apart from others and values that heritage.  There have been many tragic events in his life including the deaths of his parents and the elfess he loved which have caused him to hold beliefs that in some respect are closer to those held by humans than elves.  When he was given permission to leave for his Traveling Warrior level of training, he chose to head southward where a family of Shendar has befriended the young warrior accepting him into their nomadic lives.  He has made a decision not to return to his beloved homeland until he finds himself and makes peace with the tragic losses that have filled his life.

Appearance:
Height: 2 ped, 1 nailsbredth
Weight: 1 Pygge, 3 Hebs, 5 Mut.
Hair Color: Korwyn (golden) aeruillin (red) of the dying sun
Eye Color: light adlemirene (brown) near the pupil and mi’rhén (emerald) green towards the outer part of the iris

Physical Appearance:
Cár’ámn Glasajcín has long hair the color of the dying sun.  It flows gracefully over his sculpted shoulders in golden red cascades for about two palm spans.  His eyes are striking as they graduate between adlemirene and mi’rhén.  From them you can tell his deep sorrows and pain and feel as if he can since yours.  He has paler than usual skin tone for his tribe almost as that of a dark elf. Cár'ámn has well defined muscles that seem to flow effortlessly as he moves his slender figure.

On Cár’ámn Glasajcín’s left upper arm is the tattoo that is the birthright of those born to the Thethinrhim tribe. It resides on his left arm occupying the usual location of such a marking.  The image of an eagle-like creature with its head bent down slightly to the creature’s right.  The body just below the head outlines the shield that denotes his tribe. It is inked primarily in nor’sidian with an aeruillin red eye and beak.  The bird’s broad wings seem to encircle the shield as if to embrace it.  The aeruillin band that marks a warrior encircles his arm at the level of the shield.

Clothing:
Cloak: this outer garment is constructed of a heavy, dark Gnastheen green cotton fabric.  It contains a slit on each side of the opening where the fabric may overlap.  This allows him to wear the cloak and still uses his arms.  There are also two large inner pockets, one on each side of the front opening.

Breeches: These are made from a lighter gnastheen cotton fabric and ties about the waist.  To allow him movement they flare out form the waist slightly.

Tunic: This traditional tunic is made from a cotton that has been died a elken tan color.

Tunic armor: Cár'ámn possesses a deer skin leather tunic that is slit along the sides and hangs down from the shoulder in the front and back to cover most of his thighs.  It is fastened about his waist by a belt.  Portions of the garment such as the shoulders and forearms are padded to provide a little more protection.

Leggings: Made from deer Hides, this leg armor covers from just below his knees and the majority of his upper legs. 

Leather gloves: Cár’ámn Glasajcín posses the traditional leather gloves made from deer hides.

Boots: These soft boots leather are a dark eophran color.  They allow him to move quickly and securely among the treetops.

Belt: The belt is made from the hide of a baneg cow.  His dagger hangs from this belt along with his coin purse and other pouches.

Helmet: Made from hardened leather the garment covers the top of his skull and comes around the back portion it fastens to the chin with a strap.  Between two layers of leather in the back portion of the helmet is a small steel plate.

Vieors: These are traditional markings of Kaierian Warriors.  These are a necktie and an arm band.

Personality:
Cár’ámn Glasajcín is an elf that in spite of the tragedies in his life is surprisingly congenial.  He is reserved, respectful and thoughtful of others.  He is not usually the one willing to start a conversation but once the warrior has been approached, he will be quite friendly and engaging.  Nearly everyone Cár’ámn has the privilege of meeting would agree that though soft spoken it is worth their time to get to know him. 

He will seem to be a loner and unwilling to share his feelings.  It is necessary to earn the warrior’s trust before he will be willing to open up to you and even then is more likely to display his feelings in other ways besides facial expressions and words.  He may perform a task for you or give you something that might indicate his feeling rather than simply tell you what is on his mind.  This is because expressing emotions are things he finds hard to express.  It is considered a sign of weakness among the Tethinrhim to display feelings in public and is actually forbidden in the tribe.  This has lead Cár’ámn to feel that if he were to do this it might endanger him or others.  Because of this, he fears that if he becomes too close to someone they may suffer as a result.  These feelings cause him to be more reserved and resist opening up to others.  Smiling and laughing are examples of facial expressions that are foreign to Cár’ámn and will almost never be seen by others.

Conversations with the Tethinrhim might be a bit one sided at times until he feels comfortable.  Many say that although he speaks little his words are full of wisdom.  He speaks directly to the point and will not give complements easily nor will he try to flatter others to gain their approval. Cár’ámn feels that by giving flattery or undeserved complements his is being untruthful both to himself and to others.

If the young warrior were to be asked to compete in a test of skill, such as an archery contest, the warrior would find it difficult to refuse.  He thrives on the competition if the event were not threatening to others or dishonorable in some way he would participate.  This is not to say that extenuating circumstances may not prevent him but if it is in his power to decide he would gladly do so.

Once the warrior’s trust has been earned, he will be as loyal a friend as you could hope to find and would put his life on the line for that person.  Cár'ámn will not hesitate of offer his aid if it is needed.  As with most Kaierian Warriors, he will join an honorable cause once he is convince that his services might prove beneficial.


Strengths & Weaknesses
Strengths:
  • Archery: He has an excellent ability with the recurve bow for his level of training.  Because of this, it his preferred weapon.  Aiming of the bow is by line of site rather than the more tradition methods used by less experienced bowmen.
  • Iteh training: Part of his training includes the ability to dodge and strike an opponent.  These maneuvers are considered gymnastic and acrobatic in nature giving him an advantage when in battle.
  • Self-defense (hand-to-hand combat): Also part of his Kaierian Warrior training is the ability to defend oneself.  He can dodge blows and parry them with either a part of his body or another object.
  • Tracking: Cár'ámn has the ability to track both animals and sentient beings.  He has found this useful on occasion not just to assist in finding someone or something but also in being able to identify if someone other than his friends are looking for him.
  • Healing Herbs: because of his training, Cár'ámn possesses natural, plant based, methods of healing.  He finds this useful both for himself and those he finds he can be of service to.

Weaknesses:
  • Apparitions: He sees things that are not there.  This is because of a childhood injury to the back of his head.  The Accumulated traumatic events that have occurred in his life also contribute to his condition.  Usually they are the forms of Avathcin Querín (Beautiful Leaf), his diseased love.  She appears to be looking at him as if was still alive. At other times, he sees his father.  This happens when he is trying to make an important decision.
  • Night Frights: The night frights the warrior endures are so severe that he will often believe they were real.  They may be reenactments of events in his life or what seems to be an event yet to happen.  During a nocturnal episode, he will sweat profusely, cry out in agony or pain while in the grip of the dream, and always remember it when he awakens.
  • Strong sense of justice: He will often act irrationally when faced with the knowledge of a wrongdoing.  He may act foolishly to try and rectify what he perceives as unjust even if to do so would place himself or others in danger.
    • Left Shoulder: Cár'ámn injured his left shoulder while attempting to prove his superiority.  As a result, the arm will come out of joint, usually he is attempting a feat beyond his ability.  When this occurs the arm is useless and causes him extreme pain until it is reset.
    • Desire to Prove Himself:  The warrior has a burning desire to prove his worthiness.  This has caused him to attempt feats that were beyond his capability resulting in injury.  It requires a strong exertion of his will to refrain for this desire.
    • Unconsciousness:  Because of a head wound receive falling from a tree Cár'ámn can loose consciousness easily of struck sharply in the back of his skull.  This is of great concern to a warrior seeing that a simple blow could render him helpless.


    History
    Cár’ámn Glasajcín arrived into the world in the fourth hour of Guardorans (twentieth hour) of the first of Córt'ometrá.  Birthing the child was more than the young elfess Avathcin'merín could bear and she fell into the scales of Seyella.  The Avár'Soórn had already been called to perform the naming ceremony but now found himself obliged to perform the rights of passage from life to death.  He stood clutching his well-worn staff and sighed.  He back bent slightly with age but his eyes were keen and a aura of wisdom surrounded his form.  The spiritual guide had taken a position to the side of the small tree home that Avathcin'merín and his father; Rhéneú'pherán had shared since their hasty marriage less than a leaf fall before.  As he glanced about the dimly lit room, his attention was drawn to the sound of a female child bursting through the front door.  She sprinted quickly to his side and began to speak in as hasty a manor as was her entrance.

    “The father, I mean Rhéneú'pherán,” the girl corrected nervously brushing a few misplaced strands of her sunset red hair from her face, “will be here soon.  He must find a replacement for his post guarding the Ria.”

    The old elf nodded his acknowledgement of the message and glanced over at the midwife who was just finishing bathing the newborn.

    “Very well my child,” the spiritual guide said returning his gaze to the young elfess.  He leaned heavily against the worn walking stick held tightly within the spiritual guides grip, “but would you close the door as the cold is not good for the infant.”

    As the young elfess turned to correct her mistake, she saw the father brush past her, his face emotionless but the internal flame within his eyes extinguished.  She continued to watch as the warrior came and stood by the aged elf.

    “Sorrow,” the Avár'Soórn said with an audible sigh, “sorrow and death,” He turned to face the father but offered no expression to reveal his true feelings, “this child will live a life filled with it.”

    At the naming ceremony, the child lay still and quiet even as the artist pricked his soft, smooth skin leaving the marks as instructed in low tones by the Avár'Soórn.  When the image was complete, the artist looked up at the spiritual guide with a perplexed look but asked no questions.  He simply stood, gathered his vials of ink and needles used to inject the die then left the room quietly.  The father shifted on his feet as he waited for the words from the spiritual guide.

    “His name Rhéneú'pherán,” the spiritual guide said, his face tensed and his voice nearly cracking, “will be Cár’ámn Glasajcín, sorrow and death will follow him like a shadow all the days Avá has appointed him.”

    The old elf took in a deep breath and leaned heavily on his staff, “sorrow will surround him like a swarm of groshmite after their hapless victim and death will haunt his travels like a móh-Mélor.”

    Childhood
    Cár’ámn Glasajcín had scarcely seen 9 leaf falls when the loss of a childhood friend brought about the rumors that would begin to plague his life.  He was staying in the home of a family that had taken compassion on the child.  They put him to sleep next to their son on a night when a storm shook the homes of the elves living in the trees.  Peals of thunder would awake the sleeping pair and streaks of lightening would illuminate the room where they lay on the cold wooden floor.  As they both stared out the window and marveled at the noise and light a bolt of lightning leaped through the window and struck the lad next to the warrior’s son.  Leaping to his feet, Cár'ámn watched the boy convulsed within the white streaks of energy then lay lifeless at his feet.  The elf stood motionless and silent; his eyes wide as he stared down at what remained of his companion.  Rain entered the now darkened room through the shattered window and soaked Cár'ámn to his skin yet the child remained motionless, frozen in fear.  The mother of his friend entered the room clutched the limp form of her son to her and stared at the surviving child.  There were no words of comfort offered frightened child, no touch of understanding, only looks of distain for his surviving the ordeal.

    The Child Warrior
    His father convinced the leaders to allow his son to begin training as a Cáo-króin (child warrior) a little earlier than normal.  Shortly after his son began, Rhéneú'pherán left on his S_s'pharanhé-króin (Second Traveling Warrior) excursion leaving his son in the care of Eayá'pherán, a close trusted friend.

    Eayá'pherán would spend time with the lad and encourage him to do his best.  He took his young charge with him on many excursions into the woods and showed him the many plants and animals.  As a gift for his next leaf fall Eayá'pherán gave Cár'ámn his first short bow.  It was more of a toy than a weapon but with it the lad could learn the rudimentary basics of how to shoot and aim. Along with the bow, he was given a wooden dagger that Eayá'pherán spent time explaining simple facts about the parts and how the weapon could be used.  This gave the lad an early start in this area and Eayá'pherán a purpose to spend time with the you elf.
     
    Cár'ámn excelled in nearly every aspect of this early training and outperformed children of considerably higher ages.  The iteh training provided the child with a level of self-confidence he had not previously enjoyed giving him the incentive necessary to excel with the training in various plants, shrubs and animals.  He astounded his teachers with his ability to comprehend and retain knowledge and the speed at which he learned.  Cár'ámn was extremely eager to please those who taught him and tried his best to be the model student seeking their approval in every possible manor.  Often he would be taken out of the Ria and tutored privately by one of the trainers under the guise that the other students felt more comfortable when Cár'ámn was not around but in truth, it was because of the ability and skill the young warrior showed.

    Not long after Cár'ámn’s 11th leaf fall, Eayá'pherán was forced to tell him of his father’s death.  The boy swallowed hard as he looked at the unsheathed dagger that lay upon him.  The blade had been broken about three nailsbreadths from the tip leaving a rough, jagged edge that glistened in the sun. 

    Cár'ámn let his gaze rise up to the hazel eyes of the seasoned warrior who cared for him, “no,” he said as his lower lip began to quiver, “not my daddy too.”

    As with most young boys he felt the need to prove himself to others.  One day he was dared to run along the spilt log bridges that connected the tree homes where he lived.  He was told that there was no way he could cross a certain distance in a given time so Cár'ámn insisted on trying it.

    The young warrior slipped on a wet portion of the wooden surface and fell from his high position down to the forest floor below.  On his way down, he struck his head against a large tree limb.  Blood poured from the back of the child’s now fractured skull and his vision began to change as if he were looking down a tunnel then his world went black as he lost consciousness.  For four days, Cár'ámn lay unconscious in his home recovering from the assault.  This injury caused him to begin seeing apparitions and may loose consciousness easily if struck on the back of his head.  Eayá'pherán had a special helmet made for the lad to help protect the weakened portion of his skull.

    Third Warrior
    When 18 leaf falls had passed he became an Asthár-króin (Third Warrior).  It was at this time that Cár'ámn fell in love with Avathcin Querín, a beautiful elfess with hair of varied adlemirene hues and eyes the color of Cár'reoll'nós stones.  They would spend much time together, although she seemed to do most of the talking, and her parents were delighted that such a notable warrior showed an interest in their daughter.  Eayá'pherán was delighted that some happiness had come into his young charge’s life.  However, the happiness was short lived.  One day when the young warrior came to call on his beloved the father claimed she was ill and that a healer had been called to examine her.  Faithfully the elf returned each day only to be turned away by the father who insisted he could not see his daughter.  Finally, he saw a stretcher leaving the home. Cár'ámn knew by the somber looks on the parent’s faces as they followed close behind that laying cloaked by a cotton sheet was Avathcin Querín.  He rushed towards the slow moving party and hastily pulled back the covering from her face.  The sight nearly caused the poor elf to vomit in disgust.  Large green patches like bruises covered her smooth skin with grass like tendrils extending from them.  Cár'ámn turned his face away from the site and returned the cloth over her face.  His beloved had fallen victim to Sickle's Touch or Green Death as it is sometimes called.

    A few days later, the mother of Avathcin Querín called on the Cár'ámn.  She knew that he was hurting deeply over the loss of her daughter though publicly the warrior put on a brave face.  She knew that underneath his calm exterior the heart of Cár'ámn was broken. He greeted her and allowed her into his home.  She walked the short distance across the well-kept floor and sat in one of two chairs that occupied the room.  On the wooden table that lay between them were a locket that the elfess recognized as the one her daughter had given him just a few days before she fell ill and a pair of golden hair combs embellished with enameled images of Urban tree leaves as they begin to turn for the fall.  She picked up the combs and caressed them gently with her delicate fingers admiring the fine workmanship they embodied.

    “The combs are beautify my son,” she said, “but where did you get them?”

    “They belonged to my mother,” he replied as he took the seat across from her, “I was planning to give them to Avathcin as a wedding present.”

    Not long after their discussion, bother of Avathcin Querín’s parents fell victim to the Green death, as did others around him.  The warrior felt hopeless as those he was close to began perishing without him being able to do anything about it.  Finally, Eayá'pherán the one he had always counted on and looked up to as a father fell to the ruthless killer.

    Shortly after this, the he was advanced to Pharanhé-króin or Traveling warrior.  The Avár'Soórn felt that some time away might, “do the lad good,” as he put it and hastened the young warrior in leaving the green forest he had grown up in.  Cár'ámn decided that a change in surroundings might help him clear his thoughts and agreed to leave but knew in his hart that it would be a long time before he would return.

    Heading southward, the young warrior ventured across the Tolonian Heath and then into the Sharadon Forest.  He followed the western cost line where he crossed the Narfost plain and then found the exciting city of Uderza.

    The city was a strange and to the young tree dwelling warrior strange.  The buildings were so different than anything he had ever seen and the dress of many of those within the walls was quite different than anything the young traveler had seen.  Cár'ámn marveled at the beautiful blue tiles and the rounded buildings.  The attire was far different as well with many wearing blue rather than the greens and browns of his people.  On their head were turbans; a head covering he had never seen before but was sure came in handy in the heat of the day.  He looked down the many streets at the shops that sold many strange and wonderful items.  The warrior even stopped to admire some of the fine "Ouán" pottery.  While he was browsing among the shops, a tall man approached him.  His shoulders broad and covered with mail made from chain.  Under the chain was a loose fitting tunic made from a silvery material the warrior had never seen before.  A sword hung from the human’s side attached to a broad belt made from the same material as the tunic.  His breeches were also of this material as were the boots he wore.  Interwoven in the blue turban the man wore were pieces of this same material.

    “First time to Uderza friend,” the man asked in is big, booming voice.

    “Yes sir,” was the response the elven warrior offered turning his attention to the tall man.

    “I thought as much,” the human said, “we don’t see many elves in these parts.”

    As they began to talk, a group of about five men rushed into the open-air shop and began grabbing the merchandise.  They looked out of place by there clothing compared to the turbans worn by the inhabitants of the city.  The human began to shout at the men and try to round them up but without much success.  He waved his sword and barked orders but to no avail.  Realizing the situation Cár'ámn placed himself in the middle of the narrow street the thieves were trying to escape down.  The warrior shifted his weight in time with the mans movements preventing his progress.  The man became angry and threw a pitcher at the elf only to miss badly and break the vessel against a clay wall.  The man took a bottle that was in his had and broke it against the wall wielding the now make shift weapon.  He cursed at the elf then took a swing at the elf.

    Cár'ámn grasped the arm containing the weapon with his right hand and pulled the limb across his mid section.  He grasped the mans upper arm with his left and quickly pushed down until it contacted his right knee that he had risen from the floor.  The man yelled in pain, dropped the shattered pottery.  The warrior took his left hand and pulled it back striking the man’s face with his closed fist.  As the man went limp, the elf let his form crumple in a heap at his feet.  Another man approached the warrior quickly, intent on doing him harm for preventing his exit.  The elf met the assailant with a quick jab to his ribs.  Reeling in pain, the human bent clutching his injured side.  Then the warriors right knee impacted the man’s downward turn face.

    “Good work,” the Shendar  warrior said with a smile, “you can take care of yourself better than I thought.”

    The tall human attempted to pat the elf on the back only to miss and accidentally struck the back of his head where the injury had been.  Cár'ámn fell unconscious to the ground much to the surprise of the Shendar.  Thus, Kindo met the elven warrior in the fellowship of combat.  The human invited Cár'ámn to spend some time with his family so the Tethinrhim agreed.  The human warrior shared with Cár'ámn about the plants and animals that lived in the desert, about the customs of his people and even helped the elf learn more about his sword and dagger.

    One day as the elven warrior stood looking into the desert and heard some children playing.  When he glanced over at them, he saw the sand move behind them.  He remembered what Kindo had said about the Ráhaz'Estár, the giant rock snake and readied his bow.  He shot an arrow into the movement and began to run towards the children.  He could see that the beast was rising up, his arrow imbedded deep in its side near the head.

    “Unán,” the warrior said before he realized they could not understand his native tongue.

    The older girl ran back towards the city but the boy remained frozen with fear.  Stopping again he let another volley of arrows fly towards the creature then dropped his bow running for all he was worth towards the child.  As the giant serpent prepared to strike, Cár'ámn grabbed the girl about the waist and pulled her away.  The giant head plummeted towards the sand only to find his target had moved.  The warrior stood in front of the child and withdrew his shamshir slashing at the underbelly of the giant beast.

    “Run,” he yelled hoping the boy would respond and do as her companion had done but he could not, he dared not turn to make sure.

    Sensing the serpent’s next strike the warrior lunged forward plunging his weapon into beast.  It hissed and made a squeal like nose as the warrior rolled out of the way leaving his sword imbedded in the creature.  The only weapon he had left was his dagger and he unsheathed it quickly as the giant rock snake turned to attack him again. Cár'ámn leaped onto the massive body of the creature and stabbed with all his might into the upper side of the serpent’s scaly body.  With one last Munising hiss the creature plunged its massive head towards him, its eyes then glazed in the grip of death.

    Although Cár'ámn did not know at the time, the children were the niece and nephew of Kindo his Shendar friend.  His actions further solidified their friendship and won the minds and hearts of the nomadic family.

    It has been some time since this incidence but from time to time the elven warrior has returned to his friend’s family and they have always accepted him with open arms.  The warrior has determined that he may never return to his ancestral home.  He feels that he must discover who he is and his purpose within The Dream before he does.


    Belongings:
    Recurve bow:
         Drawlength: 2 fores, 5 nailsbreadths
         Drawweight: 50 od
         Tillering: The bow is constructed of black birch.  It is of excellent craftsmanship but not ornately decorated.
         Length: 1 Ped, 2 Palmspans, 2 nailbreadths
    Arrows: 12
         Arrow-head: 10 sharpened, 2 blunt
         Length: 2 fores, 7 nailsbreadths
         Flight: 3 about 6 nailsbreadths each
         Tip: 10 steel, 2 brass

    Dagger: The handle, hilt and blade are forged as a solid piece.  At the pummel is the head of a bird.  The eyes are fashioned from a pair of rubies set in the finely crafted steel.  It was the weapon of his father and as such hold great sentiamental value.
         Handle Length: 14.0 nailsbreadths
         Blade Width: 2.5 nailsbreadhts
         Blade Length: 21 nailsbreadths
         Total Length: 1 fore, 2 nailsbreadths and 1 grain

    Shamshir: The handle, hilt and blade are comprised of a single piece of steel. The blade is thinner than a scimitar and lightweight.  The handle is wrapped in a deep Sognasthos colored leather.  The pommel is shaped like a leaf from the Urban tree.
         Handle Length: 19 nailsbreadths
         Blade Width: 4 nailsbreadhts
         Blade Length: 77 nailsbreadths
         Total Length: 101 nailsbreadsh

    Quiver:  Made a dark brown leather it holds 15 arrows.

    Cloak: this outer garment is constructed of dark green cotton fabric.  It contains a slit on each side of the opening where the fabric may overlap.  This allows him to wear the cloak and still uses his arms.  There are also two large inner pockets, one on each side of the front opening.

    Breeches: These are made from a green cotton fabric and ties about the waist.  To allow him movement they flare out form the waist slightly.

    Tunic: This traditional tunic is made from a cotton that has been died a light brown color.

    Tunic armor: Cár'ámn possesses a deer skin leather tunic that is slit along the sides and hangs down from the shoulder in the front and back to cover most of his thighs.  It is fastened about his waist by a belt.  Portions of the garment such as the shoulders and forearms are padded to provide a little more protection.

    Leggings: Made from deer Hides, this leg armor covers from just below his knees and the majority of his upper legs. 

    Leather gloves: Cár’ámn Glasajcín posses the traditional leather gloves made from deer hides.

    Boots: These soft boots leather are a dark eophran color.  They allow him to move quickly and securely among the treetops.

    Belt: The belt is made from the hide of a baneg cow.  His dagger hangs from this belt along with his coin purse and other pouches.

    Coin Purse: Small blue fabric purse designed for holding coins.
    Small sacks: All are shades of blue.  One hold the hair combs he still possesses, another holds steel arrowheads.  The rest hold various things he might need to carry.

    Hair Combs: These golden combs once belonged to his mother.  The are enameled with the fall leaves of the Urban tree.

    Locket:  The hair belonging to his diseased beloved elfess is held with this gold locket.  The front is etched with the image of the "Tear of Avá."[/list]


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on April 24, 2008, 06:12:10 AM
    Hi everyone

    I thought I might post it for you to view and edit even if it is not quite finished.  It may save me a great deal of work later.

    Thanks


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on April 24, 2008, 06:18:19 AM
    Don't forget the posticon! Since you said you weren't finished, you can put up the pencil to let the mods know that. Then when you are all finished writing, feel free to change it to the exclamtion mark.  :)


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on April 24, 2008, 06:31:51 AM
    Oh thanks

    I think eventually I'll get the hang of this.

    sorry :fish:


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Azhira Styralias on April 24, 2008, 11:34:18 AM
    I just wanted to say that your CD is really coming along well, Glasaj! Although, the level of detail is probably a bit much (do we really need to know the thickness of your arrows?  :D). Nevertheless, it is quite obvious you've done your research. I look forward to reading more.  ;)

    A small side comment - your Strengths and Weaknesses are probably too many. We ask for at least four minimum and they have to be explained in two to three sentences. You can probably reduce that list to a few general ones such as the scarring. Also, from the looks of it, you have a great many strengths that would probably not be feasible such as your many weapons specialties. I would find a way to reduce those as no one could possibly so proficient in so many things.

    Anyway, finish the CD and you'll get more detailed comments.  :)


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Simonne Miller on April 24, 2008, 03:46:47 PM
    Azhira, you can have pretty much as many strengths and weaknesses as you like, so long as they're explained in two or three sentences... And so long as they're balanced, of course :)


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on April 24, 2008, 09:40:23 PM
    Thanks everyone for your comments.

    Ok, I will take it a little easy on the details.  I simply followed what was given in the weapons description and perhaps it was a bit much. :P

    I know it seems as though I have many weapons but if I am reading this tribe description correctly I should have 5, I currently have three.  As a n elven warrior I think there should be at least two weapons, a missile weapon like a bow and something for closer such as a sword.

    As for the strengths and weaknesses I think there may be too many.  I will take a closer look and see what can be done.  The facial scar for instance. though identifying and perhaps embarrassing is perhaps too week on its own and could be put with the scar on his hand which is more serious.

    Thanks again for your excellent comments.



    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 07, 2008, 08:38:39 AM
    Hi

    I am bumping this up so i can find it easier to work on.

    As you can see I have changed the CD much and hope it meets with your approval.

    Thanks


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 08, 2008, 06:32:17 AM
    In a word
    Wow


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on May 08, 2008, 06:43:15 AM
    Regarding the weapons~

    Tribe entries can be a bit... inaccurate due to being old and a bit... overpowered. Though your tribe might say you can be a master of five weapons, that's a bit much, if you see what I'm saying. I know you dropped it down to three, but you can't be a master in all of them. You can have excellence in a single weapon and be mediocre at most with the other two.


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Twén Aråerwén on May 08, 2008, 06:58:02 AM
    It is possible for characters to master more than a single weapon and it is near the age of 34 that it is considered possible for a human to achieve this. To master two weapons for this character this is what the elven age calculator states.

    Your elf is 100% Tethinrhim, and will live a maximum of 700 years.

    Your elf looks like a human about 27 years old, has the aproximate  knowledge & training of a 34 year old human, and is 266 years old.

    There are variables between what is written in entries and what is permitted on the RP boards. The entries are written for a world project but limitations have to be placed on what aspects can be applied in an RP environment. ALL entries are written with no concern for game balance, they are written for a project completely outside of the RP aspects and the development team merely allows us to use their information. Hence Eleyr's statements above are accurate, although a bit lacking in the whys.


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 08, 2008, 09:08:11 AM
    Thanks for your input Eléyr Fásamár and Twén Aråerwén

    Oh my! I certainly was not trying to create some type of ultra powerful CD.  What I wanted is for him to have at least some ability in the areas listed as strengths to be what, at least I have perceived to be, a ranger.  I am certainly willing to downgrade Cár'ámn. 

    Right now he seems like a psychopathic nut on the loose with revenge forced to be an elf in humans clothing. :lol: I think I will be revisiting that, it seem far too unlikely to me and makes the Villon far too powerful.

    I was intending for Glásáj Cár'ámn to proficient as an Archer but not so much with the the scourge or the dagger.  I was under the impression that if I wished to use them at all I had to list them as a skill and give a weakness to counter balance them.

    Is this to say that he could use them but not be so sufficient in them as to say he is proficient and leave out these two a strengths or do I just say in the strengths section he is ok with them and leave the weaknesses?

    Perhaps you can clarify then for me how I am to use the tribe descriptions.  Should I change his tribe because it is far too vague or just create some sort of singable compromise from what is presented?

    Thanks again for all your help.

    Oh and Santhos thanks for the encouragement.  :grin:  I need all I can get seeing it seems I need to keep rewriting so much of this.



    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 08, 2008, 10:41:11 PM
    Well ok

    I have toned down my abilities, I hope that is what you wished me to do.

    Now he only has some knowledge of how to use the scourge and the dagger, not a skill like he has with the bow.

    I also decided to give greater detail as to why his adversaries are so strong.  I hope this helps, if not I will modify further.

    Thanks again for your assistance.


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 09, 2008, 04:36:45 AM
    Finally I have completed the CD :pet: :rolling:

    Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

    I do hope I addressed all the issue I needed to.  :fish:


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Sir Ruil Mallister on May 12, 2008, 03:22:45 AM
    Alrighty. I'm not a CD Mod nor am I a Mini-Mod (anymore), but I also had to go through a lengthy acceptance process.  So hopefully you'll hear me out ^^

    First thing I noticed was that you used the spell checker.  This, of course, gets you bonus points.  However, the spell checker cannot tell the difference between what you did or did not intend to spell.  Several times I see the word "since" when you clearly were intending "sense".  Little errors like that are littering your CD, so I suggest giving your entire CD a good read through to catch these mistakes.  It will help the quality of your entry immensely.

    Your recurve bow has an enormous draw strength on it.  95 ods puts it at over 100 pounds, and there are many 6 foot tall longbows that did not have such a draw strength on it.  With arrows less than 2.5 feet in length, it sounds like your bow is roughly 4 feet in length, correct?  I would imagine a 50 or 60 pound draw strength to be more likely.  Maybe even 75 pounds, but that's pushing longbow strength.  So 45 to 68 ods should be good.

    On your scourge's notes, it doesn't really make sense.  A scourge is not used like Indiana Jones uses his whip.  Instead it is a multi-tailed punishing device designed for severe pain and tissue damage.  With the construction of this weapon, I highly doubt it could be used the way you mention.  Entangling the opponent is the *worst* thing that could happen with such a weapon.  Also, disarming the opponent would be difficult at best to do with the scourge.  I suggest doing some historical research on this exotic weapon so you have an idea of how Glasaj might actually wield it.

    This is a good start, though incredibly long.  The downside to that is you have to make sure everything is correct, lol.  I haven't read it all, so this is not an all-inclusive list.  So hopefully one of the Mods will give you a full check soon!  Good luck to you!


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 12, 2008, 08:22:19 PM
    wow thanks Ruil

    I will try and catch as many mistakes as you mentioned as I can.

    The bow will be changed and I think there are other things that need to be change as well.  Sorry about overstepping the bow.  I don't know how to use one and so I just used the chart  :fish:

    I agree it is a long CD so I may need to trim some of the narratives. Looking through to CD today it seems to be missing some information about how he gets to be liked by the sand people and the like so I will address that too.

    Thanks for the clarification of the scourge.  I will remove that and change the one instance where he uses it in the history section.


    Please feel free to make any other suggestions


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 13, 2008, 04:29:15 AM
    Ok I have made the changes requested.  :)

    As you can see by the quantity of red I butchered it considerably.  It is also a bit shorter. :P

    Hopefully you will find my revisions acceptable.

    Thanks so much for all your help.


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Azhira Styralias on May 13, 2008, 04:37:52 AM
    Very nice, Glásáj.  :D Your level of detail is impressive and you have clearly done your research into the Tethinrhim tribe and the Kaierian Warriors in particular. Even the small details such as the names and using "leaf falls" instead of years really shows you have an interest in getting even the smallest details right. It adds dimension and gives your writing a true Santharian feel.

    Your history was a long read, but worth it. You've covered most all details there and tell quite an interesting story. I think you would be an asset in any story you RP in and I'd enjoy reading your posts immensely.

    You have several Strengths and Weaknesses listed, more than most CDs, but they may be a bit off balance...you have several considerable Strengths, and while they are listed as legitimate in the Kaierian Warrior entry, they may be too much for RP purposes. I'd have to consult with another mod on that one.

    I would perform a spell check on this CD. There are several misspellings I caught (I don't generally correct grammar issues as I like to comment on ideas and content instead) so be sure to correct those.

    Overall, a pleasant CD. Well done. I'll see about poking some more mods to comment.  ;)


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 14, 2008, 03:59:30 AM
    Thanks Azhira

    I will wait to make changes until I hear again. It is great to know people are interested in my CD.


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 15, 2008, 03:47:25 AM
    I have a compromise to offer seeing I have created a giant log jam among some of the greatest minds in all of Santharia with my CD.

    Here is my proposal:

    • I am willing to eliminate all of the knowledge of nature Strength (That is the Knowledge of plants, trees and animals) although he would now only become a warrior.
    • I can also do away with my abilities to create bow and arrows.
    • And even the dubious ability to since the “Veil of the Kiïvosh” (although I think this would make him much more interesting).  It could also be seen as a weakness because seeing it would not be pleasant.





    So…  I would still keep

    • Archery
    • Dagger (I raised his age so two weapons should be acceptable.)
    • Iteh training and Self Defense could be grooped together as the same thing.
    • Tracking



    This would give me 4 strengths.

    I could group the weaknesses dealing with the two Goddesses  (although they are two separate problems.)

    And eliminate the Strong sense of justice one.

    This should help.

    It might be useful fore others (and myself) to think that the Kaierian Warriors are able to train in a variety of areas but must ultimately choose which ones to develop in a skill.  I found this in the tribal entry:

    Quote
    “In general once a normal tribe member reaches adolescence they focus on fewer of these skills, finally becoming specialists.”

    I think this should solve our delima.

    Thanks again for all our help and please let me know what your decision is.



    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Mannix on May 15, 2008, 05:43:11 PM
    Just a quick word on the Kiivosh, the entry says that elves and a select few can  sometimes sense the veil.  I'm not sure if this means that all elves can sense it, or just as few can, but why say elves and a select few if it was the latter.  Maybe this means is isn't something special to Glásáj, but a skill all elves have.  Might it not also be a weakness.  Also the important word is sometimes.  Oh, and also the Kiivosh is mythical, the entry is just speculation. And a final word, it is sensed not seen.

    Mannix


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Gervase Bertrand on May 15, 2008, 08:54:03 PM
    Thanks Mannix

    I agree with you that not all elves can sense the veil of Kiivosh, this is why I listed it a a strength.  You will also see that he would only sense it with certain individuals he was close to. To me that would mean only occasionally at best.  As for it being a possible disadvantage. . . well I am not sure I would like to know someone was close to death, rather unnerving.  Also it may be argued he does not sense it at all, only imagines he does (thus a weakness like his seeing of his dead fiancé)

    It would then, IMHO, be something perhaps interesting about the CD but not useful to him.


    Oh and yes, thank you for pointing out my error in saying he can "see" it rather than "sense" it.  :sorry:

    I greatly appreciate you thoughts good sir.

    Oh, if you did not know, Glásáj Cár'ámn is my CD  ;)


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Azhira Styralias on May 15, 2008, 09:16:54 PM
    Because the Kaierian are so geared towards battle, tracking and a host of weapons and physical skills, you will find it hard to really balance such a character.

    I think the easiest thing to do here with the S&W is to consider being a lower level of Kaierian warrior as opposed to a "graduate" of the program. For all intents and purposes, a fully veteran Kaierian War Warrior would find no equal among most, if not all, other tribes in all of Caelereth. The Kaierian would be considered the "Navy Seals" of the Santharian tribes. We're talking some serious fighting skills here.

    My suggestion is to have your character be more of a Third Warrior or a Traveling Warrior. At these stages, you'd begin some training with various skills and weapons, but you would not be an expert by any means...but you'd know more than enough to defend yourself and to track animals or to to survive in the wilderness. You are just beginning to discover your talent, and if compared to an average peasant, you are more than skilled enough.

    I'd suggest molding the entry to fit your style of play. Concerning plants and herbs, you can perhaps specialize in healing herbs. Concerning weapons, you already receive basic training in sword, bow, dagger and crossbow at Third Warrior level, so choose a specialty in one or two as you continue.

    You are taught some skills in Iteh, but at your stage, you would be considered a "green or yellow belt" instead of a "black belt" if you get my meaning. You know enough, but not everything.

    This allows you to keep the considerable Kaierian strengths but tones them down quite a bit for balancing purposes. And, keep all of the weaknesses. When in doubt, have more weaknesses than strengths, in general.  ;)


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Benedict Bennett on May 15, 2008, 09:40:23 PM
    Great!!!! :clap:

    Thank you, thank you Azhira  :thanks:

    I think I can manage that and cut down a lot on my lengthy history.

    I will agree whole heartedly to this plan.

    So... for now I am taking down the Exclamation mark until he is good and ready to be looked at again.

    First Traveling Warrior it is.


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels on May 15, 2008, 11:09:24 PM
     Hello Glásáj, I will have a look over your CD, but I don't know much about the Tethrinrhim nor the Kaierian warriors , this part somebody else has to check. 


    Name: Glásáj Cár'ámn (sorrowful Soul)
       Nickname: Quagga
      I'm to 90% sure that your name doesn't look like it should, please ask an language expert (Mina?) or ask at the dev-board. It should be constricted differently: Soul being sorrowful, so you would need the adjective. An apostrophe is missing in any case (first rule!)

     

    Gender: Male

    Age: 271 leaf falls (years)

    Race: Elf

    Tribe: Tethinrhim

    Occupation: Ranger/Scout/Bower/Fletcher

    Title: Helvíl'glásáj (Wanderer of Sorrows)

    Overview:
    Glásáj Cár'ámn is a male Tethinrhim  who   is a member of the Kaierian Warriors.  He is considered cursed by some members of his tribe and avoided my most.  He has chosen not to return to his tribe from his second walk because he fears retaliation and harm to those who sympathize with him.  He has also chosen to strive not to form close relationships with others because he believes he is the cause of the suffering he has experienced and will only bring sorrow and calamity to others.  He fled southward with the aid of a wealthy Quaelhoirhimin merchant.  A Shendar knicknamed the Desert Sun   helped  the Tethinrhim learn to   survive  in the Ráhaz-Dáth desert and find acceptance among the sand people.  These wandering people have befriended him and assisted him in hiding from those who wish him harm.  They have also been helpful as he tries to gain information about the whereabouts of Báian'efér'scál and his gang.  In some respects, he has adapted to the nomadic form of life but he hopes someday to return to his beloved homeland.
      Comments to the Shendar and your relationship below

    Appearance:
    Height: 2 ped, 1 nailsbredth
    Weight: 1 Pygge, 3 Hebs, 5 Mut.
    Hair Color: Korwyn (golden) aeruillin (red) of the dying sun
    Eye Color: light adlemirene (brown) near the pupil and mi’rhén (emerald) green towards the outer part of the iris

    Physical Appearance:
    Glásáj Cár'ámn has long wavy hair that is typical of his heritage.  It flows gracefully over his sculpted shoulders in golden red cascades for about two palm spans.  His eyes are striking as they gladiate between adlemirene and mi’rhén.  From them you can tell his deep sorrows and pain and feel as if he can  sense   yours.  He has  a   paler than usual skin tone for his tribe almost as that of a dark elf. Cár'ámn has well defined sculpted muscles that seem to flow effortlessly as he moves his slender figure. muscles that flow? 

    On Glásáj Cár'ámn’s left upper arm is the tattoo that is the birthright of those born to the Thethinrhims. It resides on his left arm occupying the usual location of such a marking.  The image of   an  eagle-like creature with the head bent down in the body over the shield that denotes his tribe. It is inked primarily in nor’sidian with an aeruillin red eye and beak.  Its broad wings seem to encircle the shield as if to embrace it.  The aeruillin band that marks a warrior encircles his arm at the level of the shield.  Below this is the image of a winged horse raised up on its hind legs. The  mouth   is open and its teeth are bared as if ready for battle.   The body and head of this creature is an aeruillin hue outlined in nor’sidian where the wings are inked almost entirely in nor’sidian.

    Clothing:   See below


    Cape: Created more as a traditional hooded cloak, this Ráhaz'Estár skinned garment is watertight and durable.
       See below

    Breeches: These are made from a dark blue cotton and come down to the ankles.

    Tunic: This blue cotton garment has long sleeves that flair out slightly from the forearms and then tightens at the wrist where they are closed by an adlemirene colored wooden button shaped like the urban leaf. It hangs down just past the pelvis and is worn under the breeches.  Typically, they are tucked into his breeches.

    Tunic armor: This armor made from the Ráhaz'Estár, was created by the Shendar who befriended him, is made of layers of the carefully prepared skin of the giant snake.  The tunic is slit along the sides and hangs down in the front to cover most of his thighs and is fastened abut his waist by a belt made from the same material The shoulders have sown in bone from the snake for reinforcement and the chest has multiple payers of the fabric like Hyde. The sleeves are reinforced with multiple layers of the skin around the forearms.  Overlaying the leather is a steel mail tunic that covers both the torso to the length of the leather tunic and upper arms.

    Leggings: Made from the Hyde of the Ráhaz'Estár, this leg armor covers his lower legs and the majority of his upper legs and is designed with multiple layers to protect as graves.

    Leather gloves: Although not worn often, Glásáj Cár'ámn does posses the traditional leather gloves made from the same Ráhaz'Estár he killed to create his other armor.

    Boots: These soft boots are made from giant stake leather but fashioned more as the traditional.  They are lined with soft fine leather.

    Belt: The belt is of Shendar design but adorned with only a few silver ornaments.  From this belt for the dagger, his scourge, a water bottle, and a series of varying sized purses.

    Boots: These soft boots are made from giant stake leather but fashioned more as the traditional.  They are lined with soft fine leather.

    Belt: The belt is of Shendar design but adorned with only a few silver ornaments.  From this belt hang the scabbard for the dagger he was given in Elving, his scourge, a water bottle, and a series of varying sized purses.

      You wear some more shoes and belts than necessary ;)



    Personality:
    If you were to meet Glásáj Cár'ámn you would find a shy, timid elf that would rather have his own company than to face possible rejection from others.  The warrior is a man of few words and will not start a conversation unless he feels forced to do so. If he did not feel the occasional pull to seek other sentient mortals, he might never emerge from the forest canopy.  He fears that if he becomes too close to someone they may suffer for it.  This intrepid feeling of doom is what causes him to be so reclusive.  If you manage to earn the warrior’s trust, he will be as loyal as you could find and even be willing to put his life on the line for you. Cár'ámn would not hesitate    to offer his aid if it was needed and his fears do not overpower him.    Well, I would expect that from a kaierian warrior!As with most Kaierian Warriors, he will join an honorable cause once he is convince that his services might prove beneficial.  Emotions are thing he finds hard to express.  Because of his upbringing, it is considered a sigh of weakness to show emotion in public and that by doing so you endanger others.

     How can a kaierian warrior be shy and timid? I think that is a bit contradicting. Even if he was like this in his childhood, he should have grown out by now, otherwise he would have not mastered his tasks to become a warrior



    Strengths & Weaknesses
    Strengths:

        * Knowledge of nature: Cár'ámn has training in the identifying and usefulness of plants, trees and shrubs and animals.  His training started with those growing locally to his tribe giving him the greatest of his limited knowledge to these varieties.  The warrior has a limited knowledge of vegetation that grow in other locations. This includes ability to identify animal tracks.
       I don't know, if this is really a strength, if his knowledge doesn't go beyond that of others. Most people in these times, especially those living in the forest, knew to distinct the plants and name them, though not all medical uses


        * Bowyer: This is the ability to make bows.  At the current time, he is able to craft long and short bows only (no composite, compound or recurve).  These are made out of wood and are considered well made.  He is also able to create the bowstrings.

        * Fletcher: Making your own arrows is a handy skill to have.  He is able to ensure the proper proportions, dimensions and other characteristics to produce both superior flight and damage. 

        * Iteh training (gymnastics, acrobatics): Part of his training includes the ability to dodge and strike an opponent. These maneuvers are considered gymnastic and acrobatic in nature but do not fit him for a life of an entertainer.

        * Trained in the recurve bow: This is his preferred weapon.  He excels in both accuracy and distance.

        * Training in the Dagger:  This skill was begun with his early training as a warrior but developed more as he become associated with the Shendar.

        * Self-defense (hand-to-hand combat): Also part of his Kaierian Warrior training is the ability to defend himself.  Taught a very young age his abilities are excellent in the area.  He can dodge blows and parry them with either a part of his body or another object.

        * Tracking: Cár'ámn has the ability to track both animals and sentient beings. He has found this useful on occasion not just to assist as a guard but in being able to identify if someone other than his friends are looking for him.

        * Ability to sense the “Veil of the Kiïvosh”:  From his childhood, the elf has been able on occasion to identify when someone is dying.  This manifests itself in a strange, uncomfortable sensation that he cannot shake.  He must be emotionally close to the person for the feeling to be strong but even an acquaintance that is in the process of passing on may trigger a response.


    Weaknesses:

        * Apparitions and night frights: He sees things that are not there because of a head wound delivered by an angry parent.  The accumulations of traumatic things that have occurred in his life also contribute to his condition.  Usually they are the forms of Avathcin Querín (Beautiful Leaf), his diseased love, looking at him as if she was still alive.  Sometimes when in a stressful situation he will see the disembodied face of a elven male, the angry face of the father who caused the head wound. At other times he may see his father if he is trying to make an important decision.  These nightmares are so severe that he will often believe they were real.  They may be reenactments of events in his life or what seems to be an event yet to happen.  He may sweat profusely and cry out in agony or pain while in the grip of the dream and always remember it when he awakens.

        * Poor Interpersonal Relationship skills:He is painfully shy of others: Because he has not been well received by members in his tribe he feels others will not wish to know him either.  The elf chooses not to associate with others because he fears they may be harmed by his presence.  He believes that if he allows himself to become close to someone they will perish.  Self hatred: Because of the poor opinions held by other about him and his willingness to believe them he finds it difficult to show confidence in his own abilities.  He will belittle anything he has done or claim to have poor skill even in areas where he excels.

      How has he survived his training where interaction with others is needed every day for his training?

        * Many in his clan fear him: Many of those within his tribe feel that his presence brings with it calamity.  Even as a child deaths have happened in his presence even though he is not responsible for them.  The fact that his mother died in childbirth also adds to this superstition.  The claims of Báian'efér'scál, his family and allies that he is a demon only strengthen their beliefs.

     I can't find anything in the entry which would tell me that this tribe is so superstitious.   

        * Strong sense of justice: He will often act irrationally when faced with the knowledge of a wrongdoing.  He may act irrationally to try and rectify what he perceives as unjust even if to do so would place himself or others in danger.

        * Identifiable Features: His face is scarred thanks to an encounter with a wild cat.  Cár'ámn also has uniquely colored eyes that cannot be hid even by the turban he wears.  In adition The fact that he uses a bow is somewhat unique for someone with the appearance of a Shendar.  These unique characteristics make him easily identifiable to those siding with Báian'efér'scál, the murderer of his beloved.
     See below 

        * He blames the goddess Queprur for the deaths of his mother, father and Avathcin Querín, the love of his life  Because of this he exhibits a  great dislike for followers of the goddess.  This will often cause him to either leave a place where they are present or remain uncomfortable and irritable until they are not around.
     Oh no, you won't encounter so many that this is a weakness. apart from that - nobody likes to see a priestess of Queprur 

        * The elf believes that the goddess Seyella has cursed him to a life of sorrow.  He feels that she has chosen to take out her frustrations from loosing much of her importance and abilities after the burning of The Tree of Life.  Because of this, he believes that if something is left to chance it will go badly for him and those associative with him.  He feels that if he allows himself to form friendships or attachments the person will be harmed in some manor by it.

        * Báian'efér'scál, his family and allies: Glásáj Cár'ámn is under constant threat by the murderer of his beloved Avathcin Querín.  Both he and those that side with him wishes the death of Cár'ámn and are secretly searching to find him and plan his demise.  They will and have spread false rumors that he is a Mhorashty demon and have tried to discredit him as a being the true cause of Avathcin Queríns death. These rumors have resulted in the loss of paying positions and the distrust of others once they become aware of whom he is. Cár'ámn has also been forced from the ancestral home of his tribe for fear of his life.


    History:
    Glásáj Cár'ámn arrived into the cold world in the fourth hour of Guardorans (twentieth hour) of the first of Córt'ometrá.  Birthing the child was more than the young elfess Avathcin'merín could bear and fell into the scales of Seyella.  The Avár'Soórn had already been called to perform the naming ceremony but now found himself obliged to first perform the rights of passage from life to death.  He stood bent over slightly with age on his stick to the side of the small tree home that Avathcin'merín and his father, Rhéneú'pherán had shared since their hasty marriage less than a leaf fall before.  As he glanced about the dimly lit room his attention was drawn the sound of a female child bursting through the front door hurriedly. She sprinted quickly to his side and began to speak in as hasty a manor as was her entrance.

    “The father, I mean Rhéneú'pherán,” the girl corrected herself nervously brushing a few misplaced strands of her sunset red hair from face, “will be here soon.  He must first find a replacement for his post guarding the Ria.”

    The old elf nodded his acknowledgement of the message and glanced over at the midwife who was just finishing bathing the newborn.

    “Very well my child,” the spiritual guide said leaning against his worn walking stick, “but would you close the door as the cold is not good for the infant.”

    The young elfess looked with the wide eyes of embarrassment and shock at the spiritual guide and then glanced towards the still open doorway. She began cross the wooden floor to correct her mistake when form of a large black bird appeared near the top of the doorframe. It swooped through the opening and into the house landing on the still form of the diseased mother. In shock, the child and the midwife rushed towards the bird to remove it before it assaulted the corps but stopped as they heard the voice of the Avár'Soórn.

    “Do not disturb the raven,” the aging elf blurted, “let the raven reveal its secrets in peace.”

    As the trio observed the raven plucked at the amulet of Jeyriall with its beak creating a cracking sound that a brought a gasp to the lips of the young elfess. It then broke the chain that held the symbol about the neck of the dead woman and flew to the side of the table where the newborn elf lay. The raven dropped the amulet on the belly of the child and began plucking feathers from its wings and holding them in its beak. Then as the baby began to cry it leaped into the air dropping the feathers it was holding onto the child.  Three landed squarely on top of the child and others about him as the raven disappeared through the still open doorway.  Horridly the young elfess rushed to close the door and turned back around to peer into the room at what remained.  She could see the Avár'Soórn that now stood next to the child. Carefully he examined the amulet as he held it up into the flickering light of candle that lit room.  The thin metal amulet showed a large crack in the bowl of the symbol. He took in a deep sight and placed the object at the child’s feet then carefully counted the feathers that still rested on the infants form.

    “Sorrow, sorrow and death,” was the words that left the wise elf’s mouth, “the poor child will live a life filled with sorrow and death.”

    At the naming ceremony, the child lay still and quiet even as the artist pricked his soft, smooth skin leaving the marks as instructed in low tones by the Avár'Soórn.  When the image was complete the elf looked up at the spiritual guide with a perplexed look but asked no questions than simply stood, gathered his vials of ink and needles then left quietly through the front door.  The father waited impatiently for the words to come from the spiritual guide he shifted on his feet as if eager to hear anything to bring joy to his heart to soothe the pain of the loss of his beloved, but it was not to be.

    “His name Rhéneú'pherán,” the spiritual guide said in voice that reflected how painful his words were to him, “will be Glásáj Cár'ámn because sorrow and death will follow him like a shadow all the days Avá has appointed him.  Sorrow will surround him like a swarm of Groshmite after their hapless victim and death will haunt his travels like the morning mist. ”

    The image that had been marked into the infant’s skin was that of a griffin.  The shield of his tribe with the eye of Avá was at the center and served as the body of the beast while the left wing was lifted above the creatures head.  The head was inked in red with a black eye and outline while the wings were all of black ink.

      You have taken quite a few liberties here in describing your birth but as they will do no harm it is ok. 

    Glásáj Cár'ámn had scarcely seen 9 leaf falls when the loss of a childhood friend brought about the rumors that would begin to plague his life. He was staying in the home of a family that had taken compassion on the child.  They put him to sleep next to their 11 year old son on a night when a storm shook the homes of the elves living in the trees. Peals of thunder would awake the sleeping pair and streaks of lightening would illuminate the room where they lay on the cold wooden floor.  As they both stared out the window and marveled at the noise and light a bolt of lightning leaped through the window and struck the lad next to the warrior’s son.  Who is who?  Leaping to his feet, he watched and the boy convulsed within the white energy and then lay lifeless on the wooden floor. He stood motionless and silent; his eyes wide open as he stared down at what was his friend. Rain had begun to enter the room through the now open window and soaked Cár'ámn to his skin before the mother of his friend entered the room.  There were no words of comfort for the frightened child, no touch of understanding offered, only looks of distain for surviving the ordeal.  Many that had been willing to take Cár'ámn in now refused to fearing that his presence would bring only death and sorrow.

    Seeing his father could find no one willing to care for Cár'ámn he convinced the leaders to allow his son to begin training as a Cáo-króin (child warrior) to ensure that there would be someone responsible for him during the times he was working. Shortly after his son began training Rhéneú'pherán left on his S_s'pharanhé-króin (Second Traveling Warrior) excursion leaving his young son in the hands of Eayá'pherán, a close trusted friend.  He would spend time with the lad and encourage him to do his best.  Eayá'pherán took his young charge with him on many excursions into the woods they lived in and showed him the many plants and animals.  One day when returning to their home in the treetops the young elf stopped in front of his paternal grandmother dwelling.  He stared at the house for a few moments then looked up at Eayá'pherán.

    “What is it son,” The warrior asked crouching down to be at the same level as his young charge, “do you want to see your Grandmother.”

    The young child shook his head no then said,  “Grandma   needs  help,”

    Eayá'pherán was puzzled by the young elf’s words.  “How do you know,” he asked.

    The Cáo-króin shrugged his shoulders because he was not sure how he knew; only that he could since something was wrong.  “She need Avár'Soórn,” he said then looked back at the house.

    As the warrior was trying to figure out what his charge was trying to say the spiritual guide rushed passed him with a neighbor and burst into the home of his grandmother.  The aging elfess passed on to Queprur.  The experienced warrior was perplexed as he wondered about the child in his care, could he actually  sense   that his Grandmother  was   dying?”  He decided that it must be a coincidence that the young Cáo-króin knew what was happening to the elfess, but the thought still haunted him.

    As a gift for his next leaf fall Eayá'pherán gave Cár'ámn his first short bow. It was more of a toy than a weapon but with it the lad could learn the rudimentary basics of how the shoot and aim. Along with the bow, he was given a wooden dagger which Eayá'pherán spent time explaining simple facts about the parts and how the weapon could be used.  This gave the lad an early start in this area and gave Eayá'pherán a purpose to spend time with his young charge.
     
    Cár'ámn excelled in every aspect of this early training and outperformed children of considerably higher ages.  The iteh training provided the child with a level of self-confidence he had not previously enjoyed giving him the incentive necessary to excel with the training in various plants, shrubs and animals.  He astounded his teachers with his ability to comprehend and retain knowledge and the speed at which he did so.  Cár'ámn was extremely eager to learn and to please those who taught him.  He tried his best to be the model student seeking their approval in every possible manor.  Often he would be taken out of the Ria and tutored privately by one of the trainers under the guise that the other students felt more comfortable when Cár'ámn was not around but in truth it was because of the ability and skill the young warrior showed.

    Not long after his 11th leaf fall, Eayá'pherán was forced to tell Cár'ámn of his father’s death.  The boy swallowed hard as he looked at the unsheathed weapon that lay upon him.  The blade had been broken about three nailsbreadths from the tip leaving a rough, jagged edge that glistened in the sun that came through the window. Cár'ámn let his gaze raze to the hazel eyes of the seasoned warrior who cared for him, “no,” he said as his lower lip began to quiver, “not my daddy too.”

    The taunting and harassment continued as new names and insults seemed to be hurled at the boy.  Children imitated their adult counterparts and sometimes the abuse took on a more physical nature.
      Why now? His father#s death had nothing to do with him, he was not even near him. Death at work is nothing uncommon.

    One day on an errand for Eayá'pherán two brothers, Báian'efér'scál and Avásh'rain began calling him the usual names they had heard the adults use.  The young elven brothers were Rónn   ??? explain please with daí’miés colored hair and from a prominent family.   When they saw Cár'ámn was ignoring their taunting, they tried to push him off the split log bridge he was walking on to the forest floor below.  Out of the corner of his site, the young Cáo-króin  Who?  saw Avásh'rain lung towards him with a look of evil contempt in his eyes.  The young warrior moved out of the way and Avásh'rain plummeted downwards rather then his intended victim. Báian'efér'scál ran down to the forest floor where his brother lay and began loudly accusing poor Cár'ámn of pushing his motionless brother to his death. Adults rallied around Cár'ámn grabbing the helpless elf and adding their accusations to those of Báian'efér'scál’s.
     That is not really like I imagine noble elves behave themselves, especially ones trained as warriors with a sane mind you need to get this far. 
     When mí'yphór, the father, of the two boys arrived he was dressed for the important duties.  The crowd cleared away so he could get to Cár'ámn.   Fiercely, the noble elf began to shake his victim so that his head bobbed front and back.

    The elf shouted at the young lad, “it should have been you Meph'guóur'cáo, it should have been you.”

    He shook Cár'ámn until the back of his head hit against the large tree trunk. Blood poured from the back of the child’s now fractured skull and his vision began to change as if he were looking down a tunnel.  He could still  hear   the accusing words of the father and saw only his angry face until he went limp in the man’s grasp.  The man dropped the child and kicked his motionless form swearing revenge for his beloved  son's   death.  For four days, Cár'ámn lay unconscious in his home recovering from the assault. From this time on the young warrior occasionally would see the face of the angry father floating before him and hear it accusing him and taunting him.  The abortion  What??  can appear an almost any time but most often when he is angry or feeling melancholy.    This does not belong in history, if you want to keep it, you need to rephrase it: From this time on he ...  He chose to keep this to himself fearing the further rejection he might face if someone were to discover his newfound delusion.  How should they discover this? What about his mentor? 

    When 18 leaf falls had passed he became an Asthár-króin (Third Warrior).  Cár'ámn took great interest in the religious training he received.  He memorized every deity and symbol that was presented to him.  It was at this time that he began to form his deep animosity towards the Goddesses Queprur and Seyella.  He showed particular interest in both Jeyriall and Nehtor as they opposed what he perceived as those responsible for his sorrows.  They young elf loved the many stories told by his teachers of other tribes and races Gods, beliefs and traditions.  He also took to the scourge at this level because he would rather disarm an enemy than to  harm   them.  Cár’ámn also began to learn the dagger as a secondary hand weapon when he was too close to use his bow.
    Why did he take interest in gods mostly the humans worship? Elves believe in Avá and are not really interested in the twelve gods   

    It was at this time that Cár'ámn fell in love with Avathcin Querín, a  beautiful   elfess with hair of varied adlemirene hues and eyes the color of Cár'reoll'nós stones. They would spend much time together, although she seemed to do most of the talking, and her parents were delighted that such a notable warrior showed an interest in their daughter.  They knew the rumor that abounded about the Cár'ámn but after talking to the spiritual guide believed that the warrior posed them no threat. Eayá'pherán was delighted that some happiness had come into his young charge’s life.
      How comes that? first the whole tribe seems to hate him, suddenly all is good? 

    At 27 leaf falls, he advanced to Pharanhé-króin (Traveling Warrior).  Cár’ámn bid his beloved farewell promising to marry her upon his return.  He left towards Elving where he planned to see if other elves would accept him for who and what he was.  Why should the elves in Elving know who he was? 

     He met up with a family of elves as they journeyed towards the same destination.  The young accepted their kind invitation to travel with them and join their already paid guards that accompanied them.  They were from the Quaelhoirhim tribe and were wealthy beyond anything that the young elf had imagined possible. The father was named Gálno'már and was a very wealthy merchant.  As they came within a few day’s journey of the city there was an ambush of the strangest kind. The young warrior stayed hidden most of the time within the canopy of the forest and was above the fray when agile Shingar cats leaped from their hiding places above the party in the trees.  Realizing the threat, Cár’ámn let fly the arrow that was already waiting in his bow. The missile struck one cat as he was still falling and it hit hard against the path and lay motionless.  He could hear the commotion from the guards as they tried to mount a counter attack against the creatures.  The warrior then leaped from tree to tree until he was in a position to shoot another volley at the nimble creatures ripping and tearing at the guards.  Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a cat that seemed intent on the youngest of the family, an elfess of only 14 leaf falls.  Raising his bow again he aimed but did not shoot as he realized if the arrow missed it would hit the girl. Leaping from his hiding place, he rolled to soften his fall and rolled in-between the creature and the child.  As the cat leaped, he aimed at the chest of the cat he let an arrow fly.  The missile stuck deep in to the assailant’s chest as intended but the momentum of the leap carried the cat even closer to the young warrior.  Cár’ámn tried to duck out of the way but was grazed by two of the animal’s sharp claws. The creature fell to the ground in a rolling manor breaking the arrow as it did. He turned to see if the girl was still unharmed.  Although she was scared, the elfess was not injured from the beast. The warrior nodded at her then returned to the fray.  At the end of the ordeal, eight cats lay dead on the Zeiphyrian Forests. Besides his scratched face, two of the guards had been bit seriously enough to require bandaging and a third lay dead from his wounds. When the party arrived at Elving the father wanted to show his appreciation to the young elf for sparing their daughter. Cár’ámn refused saying that he had done only what was required of him. Gálno'már swore that someday he would repay the young warrior for his service.  While at the city he purchased a pair of gold hair combs enameled with the leaves of the Urban tree.

     I don't know, if Rayne would not want your head for this Shingar attack. I always thought, they very lonely hunters, but the entry doesn't say anything about that.  That they attack people is very rare as well. Maybe you could invent a cause for it? 

    After the year, he returned to the wood that was his home. As he arrived within the his treetop city the people hid from him, running into their homes and avoiding eye contact with him.  This was quite different than when he had left.  A feeling of uneasiness began to creep into him as he walked the many split wood bridges that connected the homes he was so familiar with.  When he arrived at the home of his beloved, he found the family less than cordial. The father and mother took him aside into a small room away from those grieving in the main room.

    “Avathcin Querín is passed to Queprur,” the father said as the internal flame failed to burn within him.

    The mother broke into tears and pressed her face into the shoulder of her husband.

    “You are no longer welcomed here son,” the father continued, “they blame you for her death..,” he paused then continued, “talk to Eayá'pherán, he will explain.”

    The young warrior nodded quickly and departed not allowing the terrible grief that flooded his soul to show.  His father’s close friend who had cared for him explained that Báian'efér'scál had “forced” the young elfess and killed her so that she could never marry Cár’ámn.  The now renegade murdering warrior bragged about his deeds saying that he saved her soul from the clutches of the Mhorashty. Báian'efér'scál had managed to escape the clutches of both the constabulary and the warriors he had been a part of with a handful of allies.  Most of those who had supported his escape, including his father, had been caught but a few yet remained outside the bounds of the law.   As he found out the horrible truth about what happened he broke down. The elf barricaded himself in his small room for a week refusing to come out. Eayá'pherán would bring him food and water faithfully but Cár’ámn refused his offerings. Finally, the mother of his departed came to visit him at the Eayá'pherán request. She sat near the grieving warrior and placed a delicate hand on his cloth-covered knee. The elfess noticed he was clutching something close to his chest and enquired about it.

     Frankly, that doesn't make sense. he is not welcomed by the tribe, because somebody else killed his fiance? But the family of the young woman does? You are painting a strange picture of that tribe.   

    “What is that you are holding Cár’ámn,” she asked in as polite a manor as she could to break the tension.

    The young warrior opened his hand and revealed the hair combs he had purchased to give to his beloved but did not raise his gaze.

    “They are beautiful,” she said gently touching the leaves that adorned the golden combs, “were they for Avathcin Querín?”

    The elf nodded his head but still did not look up, “now they are all I have to remind me of her,” he paused for a moment then continued, “except, except for the locket of hair she gave me.”

    “She was wonderful my son and her loss must feel great to you but you must go on,” she said letting her delicate fingers brush away his unkempt hair.  She gasp as she saw the still red marks that adorned his left cheek but chose to say nothing.

    “Do not take this so hard my son,” she said gently,  “do you think that Avathcin Querín would wish to see you so?”

    The young elf raised his tear stained face to gaze into the eyes of the elfess, “I have failed her most grievously.”

    “It is not your fault that this terrible thing has happened,” said the elfess, “it is the work of Coór and those who follow him.”

    “No,” Cár’ámn responded hastily, “it is the work of Queprur.”
      See above, elves don't believe in Queprur and the few who do would never see her as the cause of death (like the mother). So why has he these thoughts?

    The female looked puzzled for a moment then nodded with understanding, “Eayá'pherán has told you what the beast has called you and now you feel you are a Mhorashty, a demon under the Goddess of deaths control,” she patted his knee then withdrew her hand, “you my son are no demon.”

    There was a long silence and the elf spoke again, “she comes to me madam, I have seen her at the foot of my bed nearly every night since my return.”

    The elfess once again looked puzzled then let a gentle smile cross her face, “then you are blessed my son for I would give anything to have but one more glimpse of her beautiful face.”

    After the meeting with her mother of his beloved, Cár’ámn arose, ate, and prepared himself.  He opened the door and walked with Eayá'pherán to the home of the Avár'Soórn so he could begin to tell the story of his adventure and receive the markings deserving of a Zoúm-króin (Home Warrior).

    He entered into his training as a Krói-króin  (War Warrior) with great vigor and with the hope that he could become strong and skilled enough to bring revenge for the death of his beloved.  Each day he practiced with great effort learning the skills of his trade with great enthusiasm and determination.  At the age of 196 leaf falls Cár’ámn entered a contest held to find the greatest archer among those what had achieved his level of training.  There was a great and powerful bow to be awarded to the victor and the warrior wanted it.  On the day of the contest, he proved his skill and was awarded the weapon.  The aging warrior that had provided the bow as the prize had done so hoping to humiliate Cár’ámn because he was the grandfather of Báian'efér'scál.  When this did not happen and refused to give him the prize.  He also went about spreading terrible rumors that the winner had cheated and that he, not his grandson had actually committed the murder of Avathcin Querín.

    The Avár'Soórn called for Cár’ámn to his home where he and Eayá'pherán awaited.  The aged elf ordered Cár’ámn that he was making him a S_s'Pharanhé-króin (Second Traveling Warrior) and to take the things that Eayá'pherán had brought and leave at once for plans were being made to kill him.  The spiritual guide told him that the father of Báian'efér'scál had offered a large reward to anyone who would kill him and bring him proof of it.  According to the spiritual guide, he was not an outcast for he had done nothing wrong but his leaving was for his own protection and not to return until after the deaths of those who were plotting his demise.

    Is that the way a proud warrior tribe would act?   

    Cár’ámn fled in the same direction he had gone on his first travels to Elving.  He had hoped to contact the constabulary  do we have something like that?  and help them track down the lying murderer who had slain his betrothed. The faces of those he passed were filled with fright and panicky as he entered and so he quickened his pace deciding it best to seek out the family whose daughter he had saved and enquire as to what was going on within the city. As he approached the shopping district he spotted the father who motioned him to enter through a side door.

    “It is good to see you again Glásáj Cár'ámn,” Gálno'már said, “but you must leave at once.”  The older continued as he lowered his voice, “an elf named Báian'efér'scál with a small group from your tribe went to the constabulary and told them you were the murder you committed, a young elfess I believe, and now they seek your life.”

    Cár'ámn was stunned by the words of the older elf, how could they believe such lies about him he thought, but hid emotions as he had been trained as a child to do. The fire that shown from his eyes went out as he responded, “the elf has tried to blame me for his crime,” he said using all the restraint he could from his years of training.  “When I arrived home from my journey my beloved Avathcin Querín was already dead, but before she was murdered Báian'efér'scál forced himself upon her then tried to place the blame upon me.”  The elf looked about again before continuing, “I do not have time to explain the history and details,” Cár'ámn stated, “but I had come to Elving hoping to notify the constable of the true murderer and rally their support to hunt down the beast and eliminate him.”

    “I thought as much,” said the older elf, “I thought you might also be foolhardy enough to come the Elving to seek your revenge.”  “Come with me Cár'ámn,” he said with a glint in his eye, “it is my turn to save a life my friend, yours.”  “Báian'efér'scál may have fooled the constable,” the elf went on, “but he won’t make a fool of me.”  “Now come my lad we will get you out of here,” he said as he grasped the shoulder of the warrior, “you must agree to do just as I say and quickly.”

    The warrior nodded his consent, “I will do as you say.”

    He then followed the older man through a series of rooms to where a shabbily dressed elf was busy picking up a sack and throwing it onto a wagon,  “There you are Vála'miés,“ Gálno'már said, “This is Glásáj Cár'ámn.”

    “Glásáj Cár'ámn,” the elf with the sack blurted in surprise, “I see you were right sir, I owe you 12 sans.” The elf flashed a toothless smile and brushed a strand of his nearly white unkempt hair from his face.

    Gálno'már nodded, a serious look on his face, “Do you remember our plan?”

    Putting down the sack inside the wagon Vála'miés smiled, “I do.”

    “Good,” the wealthy elf replied, “I trust everything is ready.”

    “It is my lord,” the toothless elf replied.

    The wealthy older elf nodded his approval, “then get our friend out of here.”  He turned toward the warrior and said with a stern face, “Cár'ámn, you must do exactly as you are told, no deviations, it is essential.”

    The warrior nodded, “I will,” he paused for a moment then continued, “thank you good sir.”

    Before long Cár'ámn was  burried   deep within the contents of the wagon and scurrying across the street of Elving.  Dispite his best efforts the warrior found himself dozing off into sleep.  When he was awakened, he saw the face of Vála'miés as he uncovered him from his hiding place.

    “Be still Glásáj Vála'miés, we are not yet out of danger,” said Vála'miés as he placed a heavy hand on the warrior’s shoulder.

    “We are out of the city,” the warrior enquired in a whispered glancing cautiously about in the gathering darkness.

    “We are,” Vála'miés responded handing Vála'miés a cup of heavy broth, “we have traveled just beyond the western edge of the Zeiphyrian forest.

    “Then why must I stay here,” the warrior asked, “Why can I not begin my hunt for the villains now?”

    “Because,” the toothless elf offered, “you enemies are still about looking for you.  They are scouring the forest and countryside as we speak.”

    “Let me go then,” Cár'ámn ordered, I will face them as a warrior, not a coward.”

    “Remember my friend you agreed to do as we said,” Vála'miés reminded him.

    “Very well, “ the warrior acknowledged then took a deep sip of the broth, “how long must I cower like a fugitive.”

     Vála'miés smiled, “patients my friend,” he said taking the finished cup from the warrior, “I will give you instructions once we arrive at our destination.”

    The warrior tried to sleep as the wagon jostled him about but it was of no avail until it stopped again.  There was no word from Vála'miés so he remained quiet and slept where he was berried beneath the many bags and barrels that filled the wooden vehicle. Cár'ámn awoke to the site of his traveling companion who placed his had over the warriors mouth.

    “Here,” the lighter haired elf said passing the warrior a cup of heavy broth. “We must cross farther west still,” the toothless one added, “just another day.”

    After what seemed to the warrior as many days Vála'miés spoke in a whispered voice to the still hidden warrior, “we have reached the coat ¿¿ on the edge of the Gulf of Maraya.”

    Cár'ámn nodded, “why have we come here,” he asked.

    “Tonight at Darkreign,” Vála'miés said still speaking in a low voice, “we will board the ship Fairweather,”

    “A ship,” the warrior said in a whisper, “But I do not know anything about boats and I need to stay here so I can find Báian'efér'scál.”

    “That will have to wait my warrior friend,” the toothless elf said, “there are many things you must learn first.”

    As the time for departure approached Vála'miés let Cár'ámn leave his hiding place within the wagon and motioned towards an awaiting ducraer.  I doubt this boat is used here, it is one of the east coast, boat would suffice   The boat was manned with two sturdy looking humans that stood beside the small craft just off the rocky coast. He could hear and see the sea birds call and the sound of the waters as they lapped at the shoreline.

    “Quickly,” the blond haired elf said, “we must get to the craft.  He grabbed a large bundle and headed towards the waiting boat.

    The warrior followed close behind being sure he had not left anything of his behind.  As the?? got to the ducraer the human men helped both elves on board, climbed in themselves and pushed off into the gulf.  Spray from the water lapped at the warrior and excitement filled his veins as he realized he was no longer on solid ground.  The craft continued under the silent rowing of the two men further out into the open water.

    “Is this Fairweather,” Cár'ámn asked his elven friend?

    “No,” Vála'miés replied, “that is.”  The elf pointed out into the deeper waters and darkness beyond.  Just faintly amid the gathering fog, he could make out the masts of a massive vessel.  As they arrived at the larger craft crewmembers helped them up using ropes until the two elves were safely on deck.  The blond elf pointed in the direction of stairs that led down into the belly of the ship and the warrior followed silently.  When they had entered, a hallway below the pair went through an open door to a small room where Vála'miés shut the door behind him.

    “Quickly,” the blond haired elf ordered this time without whispering, “you must change into these.”  The elf handed the warrior a blue tunic and britches that were just a few shades darker.

    “Why,” Cár'ámn asked as he began removing his garments.

    Vála'miés continued to empty the bag and removed several more items many of which the warrior had never seen before.  “You will wear this until you are told otherwise,” he added pouring the remaining contents on the wooden floor.

    Cár'ámn put on the tunic, breeches, leather belt and boots.  He began examining the other items adding and became puzzled.  “Why do I need another dagger,” he said as he picked up the scampered blade.  The handle was wrapped in blue leather and the steel end of it was shaped like a closed fist.

    “Because you will give me everything you have,” Vála'miés answered, you dagger, bow, and coin purse, everything.”

    “But there is no bow here to replace the one you are taking,” the warrior protested.

    “True,” Vála'miés responded, “and you will not get another one until you are told you may have one.”

    The warrior swallowed hard, “what will I defend myself with if you take my bow,” he questioned handing the weapon over to Vála'miés.

    “You will use your wits,” came the quick response. “The boat will drop you off at the town of  Dasai  , the toothless elf stated.  How can he talk without teeth?   “Be sure to visit the fortress museum,” he said, “I am sure you will find it interesting.”  “Here take these,” the blond haired elf stated, “it is money and should last you.”  He then took a pouch from his belt and opened it up revealing a silver disk about the size of his palm.  “You will give this a man they call x Desert Sun,” the elf continued, “he is of the Shendar tribe and wears their traditional warrior garb.”

     A long story you have here . I would not expect a kaierian warrior to hide in a wagon, but it is your character and so it is ok. But it seems to me, that your toothless elf doesn't esteem him much ;)


    I have to stop here, no time left, but will come back later to look at the Shendar stuff - what I came for.   


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 16, 2008, 04:37:14 AM
    Hi Talia

    Thanks so much for doing such a great job of critiquing my CD.

    Unfortunately I have had to do nearly a complete rewrite of it.  Azhira was so good as to inform me what needed to be done to get my CD approved and I have done it.

    I understand many of your questions but I think that most of them have been answered in the rewrite.

    Oh and thanks for the advice on the name.  I will as wonderful Mina if she will help me.

    Thanks again for all your hard work!  :)


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 16, 2008, 09:30:26 AM
    Hi Talia

    I have taken a better look at what I have written and decided that You have some excellent points that I have failed to address.  I will be addressing those as soon as I can.  Please note I have removed the post.

    Thanks


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Sir Ruil Mallister on May 16, 2008, 10:48:24 AM
    I don't know if this would help you much, but I once created a Kaierian Warrior character... two years ago now?  It was a while ago.  Sadly, the CD was destroyed in the great ezboard hack, so the Talahir Elenaerion CD in the archives is a whole new character with the same name.  But I digress.  What I did with the old Talahir was make him on his journey throughout the world that all Kaierian Warriors must partake upon.  I don't quite remember the exact details of why or if he would ever return in the future, but that was a neat way to get him out into the world and interacting with people, and it would be fairly early in his training, which made him much easier to balance.

    So you might think about doing something similar to that, if you're having difficulty balancing your char.


    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels on May 16, 2008, 05:53:49 PM
    Ok, here we are again, next time I will only do what I'm asked to, hope my time  yesterday (more than an hour for sure) spent on your CD was not entirely in vain.
       You still have  grammar errors in it, things the spellchecker doesn#t catch.

    Back to the  shingars. I fear you have to rewrite this part. Even if the shingar hunt in groups like lions do (which I doubt for cats living in the forest and on trees), they would not attack a whole group without purpose. People are not a common prey AND only one animal is hunted down at one time (like lions would do it).  You can save the girl's life in a more reasonable way as well :)


    Cár’ámn sighed and nodded his concent. Gálno'már gave him a shiny silver disk with a single triangle etched into the surface and a circle just inside of it.

    Why should a wealthy merchant from the Quaelorhim have such a disk? The Shendar do not trade with them nor are such disks known as sign of any kind.   

    “When you get there you must go and tour the fortress,” the merchant said, “remember to take the whole tour of the fortress.  You must find the man they call The Desert Sun and give him this disk."

    After many months of travel under the darkened sky he finally made it to Dasai.  When he arrived, he went strait for the old fort that occupied such a prominent position in the city.  He entered the old garrison and instantly felt as if he was being followed.  Trying to loose the people he thought were after him he ducked into a corridor to allow them to pass.  Three men turned as well looking intent on doing harm to the warrior.

    “Sir,” the warrior said, “I have not come here for trouble.”
     
    “Oh,” the man said stroking his heavy dark beard, “but I did.”  He pulled a dagger from its sheath and took a step towards Cár'ámn.

    “Easy,” the elf said, “I am in no mood for a fight.”

    “Well I am,” the man blurted holding the blade menacingly in from of the warriors face.

    Quickly Cár'ámn took his chance and grabbed the wrist of the man who was holding the dagger.  He pulled quickly the arm across in front of him then raised his knee so it impacted against the backside of the man’s elbow with force. The man let out a whelp of pain and dropped his weapon onto the floor.  Moving his free arm above, the injured man’s head then let his closed fist smack hard against the side of his opponent’s skull.  Again, the man cried out in pain and buckled down to his knees. The elbow of the human was bent severely in the opposite direction it would normally bend and he raised his other hand to touch the side of his head so recently assaulted. He put his foot on the dagger that rested on the floor and gave it a quick slide behind him.  Seeing another man coming to accost him, he dodged his blow and stood waiting the man’s next move.  Within the next few moments of time Cár'ámn felt something small and hard strike the back of his head and then his world went black.  He tumbled to the floor unconscious.

    The Captured Warrior
    When Cár'ámn awoke, his hands were tied together behind him.  He was sitting in a well-worn wooden chair that his legs and waist were also tied to.  Before him was battered wooden table with a single lit candle providing a dim light to the surroundings.  The sleeve of his tattooed arm had been ripped away to reveal the marking as if someone had purposely done so in order to see them.

    The warriors mind was still a bit foggy as he heard a male voice say, “better get Desert Sun, he’s coming around.”

    As the elf’s eyes began to focus he could see the bearded face of the man he had just injured.  He set looking at Cár'ámn with a devious smile on his face.  On the humans head was a blue turban, something the warrior had failed to notice before, and his grey eyes seemed to glisten with evil delight.

    ”You my elf friend are quite a valuable person,” the human said as he held up a parchment bearing Cár'ámn’s image.”

    The warrior did not respond, only fidgeted in his seat trying to free himself from his bonds.  The grey-eyed human laughed at the elf’s useless efforts before deciding to taunt him some more.

    “Save your energy Glásáj Cár'ámn we will get our reward,” the human said, “you can be sure of that.”

    Cár'ámn could hear a door open somewhere behind the seated human.  He tried to wait for the man’s attention to be diverted before he tried to loosen himself from his ropes but to no avail.

    ”There he is,” the bearded man said, “he’s all yours.”

    The man stood and another slid into his seat.  Looking at the new persons face he could see that he did not have a beard and his face was much more placid than his companion.  He wore a dark blue turban interwoven with some sort of silvery material the elf could not identify. The flickering light glistened off the steel mail that covered what seemed to be a silvery material matching what was in the man’s head covering.

     I  suppose you want to introduce Shendar men. But they don't wear the turban were it is not needed, not indoors e.g. 

    “Are you,” the elf began, “the one they call the Desert Sun?”

    “I am,” he replied allowing a gentle grin to cross his face.

    “I was told to give you something,” Cár'ámn said.

    “What is it,” the man said.

    “A silver disk,” the elf responded, you will find it in one of the pouches that I had before you captured me.”

    The man simply put out his gloved right hand and in a moment the item was given him, “where did you get this,” the man ordered but with an even tone that seemed to be hiding a deep curiosity.

      I would assume, that those who captured him have found the disc already.

    “An elf named Gálno'már,” Cár'ámn replied.

    “Gálno'már,” the man replied.  He stood to his feet and nodded his head towards the elf, “gentlemen, there will be no reward from the constable today, you my new friend are innocent.”

    Well, it doesn't work this way, there are not such disks as recognition.  Nor would Shendar men hunt down somebody to gain the money set out on his head if they not turned to robbers/thieves anyway. But then they would not dare to go back to their homelands.   You don't need such a story, you can simply come and ask for shelter. Their hospitality will not ask what you have done, but   judge you by the way you are acting and behaving while you are there.

    Assistance
    Desert sun ordered new Shendar looking clothing brought to the elf and showed him how to wrap a blue turban about both his head and face so no one would know who he was.  He showed him how to use the giant snake hide belt to conceal the dagger and store his belongings.

      See above, that would make you suspicious! No rock snake belt, that is something very valuable you might give to your lover or close relative, but to nobody else!

    Once the human warrior was satisfied that Cár'ámn’s disguise was complete he spoke to the elf, “Now Cár'ámn you will need a new name, a new Shendar name, I do not want to slip up and call you by anything that would give you away.”

    The man thought for a moment the blurted out with a smile, “I will call you Quagga.”

     That is not Shendar behaviour, he would not try to disguise this man from his own people! Nor is Quagga a Shendar name, sounds more like a frog! As long as he is with the Shendar he is safe with his own name. 

    That evening Desert Sun and his small band snuck Cár'ámn out of the City.  They joined with a caravan headed towards the Narfost plane. The Shendar did not realize that the warrior was an elf. Living as they did nomadically and with his face covered they and simply accepted him as a rather tall male who had joined their group.
     As I said above, that would not work. There is no need for headscarves in the Narfost Plains (no sand), nor are the Shendar so stupid not to recognize a stranger in their midst! 
     The reddish haired elf spoke little to anyone unless addressed and then with as few words as possible.  Desert Sun managed to find out that Cár’ámn only knew how to use a bow and had one purchased for him at Mehmetshto because the elf refused to enter the city.
     Meh'met is only a small village with a few huts, so now bows available nor is there any reason why Desert sun should buy him a bow, a weapon unused by the Shendar
     The caravan journeyed southward into the Ráhaz-Dáth desert. The elf often refused to spend much time with the members of the tribe choosing to stay towards the outskirts and as alone as possible.  At night, the warrior would go by himself a ways away from the rest of his party and morn the loss of Avathcin Querín and his beloved homeland.

     Frankly, if he behaves like that they would at latest send him away when reaching Bardavos. Either he talks to his hosts, tells them about himself, or they are not interested in dealing with him. Even if Desert Sun (why do you just use his nick name?)should have  a debt towards this rich elven merchant, it would be his debt and not that of any other clan member

    For months, the Shendar taught the elf about the customs and ways of his people.  Together they went into the desert and the Tethinrhim would learn how to survive in the region, what to eat and how to track the animals that share the desert with the nomands.
      I would not say, they taught him, but he would have to learn them by watching. He could learn a lot about fauna and flora in the same way.

    One evening as the were nearing Udeza Cár'ámn was by himself when Cár'ámn was wondering alone he saw what looked like marking in the sand and then a trunk-like form laying the ground.  He had heard about a giant snake that lived within the sands and quickly prepared himself.  Suddenly the creature began to move and so the elf sent a barrage of arrows towards the massive creature. The head rose high in the air as its fangs glistening under the many stars that glistened high above.  The elf continued to shoot arrows striking the best many time including one arrow that struck the creatures left eye.  It reeled in pain lunged its massive head towards the warrior. Without flinching the shot of another arrow and awaited his end. To the elf’s surprise, the creature slumped forward and fell on top of him. Cár'ámn was stunned at first and then pulled himself out from underneath the lifeless creature.

    Not knowing quite what to do with the body of the massive creature, he began hauling the carcass towards the domed tints where the caravan was staying.  Desert Sun heard the commotion outside the tents and came running to see what was happening.

     I have to disappoint you, there will be no Raház-Estár armour for you. Following points are speaking against it:

    - You probably have no bow
    - A rock snake is per definition not visible until it is nearly too late. So you can't fight it with a bow and arrows. (Stupid Talia only managed to kill a snake  due to her magic sword, but that would NOT go through on the RPG board!) Even as a trained Tethrinrhim warrior you have not the different training of a Shendar warrior , so even with a sword the outcome would not be sure.

    To his astonishment, he saw Cár’ámn standing exhausted over the massive form of a Ráhaz'Estár.  “You did it Quagga,” the human said with a great grin, “Only a few hundred years late but you did it.”  He laughed then continued, “and what a huge beast it is my friend you are now a true warrior.”
     You are not a Shendar warrior just because you killed  a rock snake, there is much more to it. Even if you would have its hide, you could not do much with it, for only the Shendar have the receipt to treat it in a way, so that it is usable, and they would surely not do it for any stranger who happened to life with them for a few months. Sorry to disappoint you, but If you would have such an armour, that would add so much to your strength, that it would be nearly impossible to balance him!


    So, please remove all mentioning of armour and weapon out of the Rock Snake skin. They are only meant for a few true Shendar warriors, on the RPG-side as on the dev-side. And adjust your CD incorporating my comments. One last question: He always is on the run, because he is not only hunted, but because he fears calamities for those he is close to or lives with. He doesn't seem to have such concerns while living with the Shendar, or does he?



    Title: Re: Glásáj Cár'ámn/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 17, 2008, 07:14:44 AM
    Thanks Ruil

    I am rewriting the CD so he is on his First Traveling Warrior level.  Great idea.

    Please do not hesitate to give me more.

    Hi Talia

    Please do not think that any work that you have done on my CD has been in vain.  If you notice I have removed the exclamation mark because I need to take some time to totally rethink how I want to do this.

    I will try to adress some of your concerns here but when time permits I will present an outline of my history to see if you and others find it acceptable before creating it all over again only to gut it once more.

    The name in not correct.  I have have PM Mina and the wonderful lady has graced me with a wonderful response.  She has also sugested I as the experts in the Dev. Board and that I still need to do.

    Quote
    How can a kaierian warrior be shy and timid? I think that is a bit contradicting. Even if he was like this in his childhood, he should have grown out by now, otherwise he would have not mastered his tasks to become a warrior

    I agree and that is one reason I am changing the CD.  If you notice I tend to make CDs that are prone to social problems.  I guess I thought this was a great way to create a weakness.  I was wrong and will be changing this.

    You are also correct that muscles do not flow.  This will be changed to move.

    I do have too many shoe and belts.  Oops!  that will be fixed.

    Quote
    * Knowledge of nature: Cár'ámn has training in the identifying and usefulness of plants, trees and shrubs and animals.  His training started with those growing locally to his tribe giving him the greatest of his limited knowledge to these varieties.  The warrior has a limited knowledge of vegetation that grow in other locations. This includes ability to identify animal tracks.
       I don't know, if this is really a strength, if his knowledge doesn't go beyond that of others. Most people in these times, especially those living in the forest, knew to distinct the plants and name them, though not all medical uses

    I wrote it this way when I thought I was needing to placate the gods of strengths and weakness.  as a ranger he needs to be able to have some knowledge of these, IMHO, but there seemed to be some concern about the CD being too imbalanced.


    Quote
    * Poor Interpersonal Relationship skills:He is painfully shy of others: Because he has not been well received by members in his tribe he feels others will not wish to know him either.  The elf chooses not to associate with others because he fears they may be harmed by his presence.  He believes that if he allows himself to become close to someone they will perish.  Self hatred: Because of the poor opinions held by other about him and his willingness to believe them he finds it difficult to show confidence in his own abilities.  He will belittle anything he has done or claim to have poor skill even in areas where he excels.

    How has he survived his training where interaction with others is needed every day for his training?

    Here again I came up with lame weakness.  and will not be using.


     
    Quote
    * Many in his clan fear him: Many of those within his tribe feel that his presence brings with it calamity.  Even as a child deaths have happened in his presence even though he is not responsible for them.  The fact that his mother died in childbirth also adds to this superstition.  The claims of Báian'efér'scál, his family and allies that he is a demon only strengthen their beliefs.

    I can't find anything in the entry which would tell me that this tribe is so superstitious.   

    Again I created another bad weakness for this character.  I am changing my CD so this will no longer be the case.

    Quote
    * Identifiable Features: His face is scarred thanks to an encounter with a wild cat.  Cár'ámn also has uniquely colored eyes that cannot be hid even by the turban he wears.  In adition The fact that he uses a bow is somewhat unique for someone with the appearance of a Shendar.  These unique characteristics make him easily identifiable to those siding with Báian'efér'scál, the murderer of his beloved.
    See below

    You got me here,  which below did you mean?  I will be making so his beloved is not murdered so part of this will at least disappear.
    Quote
    * He blames the goddess Queprur for the deaths of his mother, father and Avathcin Querín, the love of his life  Because of this he exhibits a  great dislike for followers of the goddess.  This will often cause him to either leave a place where they are present or remain uncomfortable and irritable until they are not around.
    Oh no, you won't encounter so many that this is a weakness. apart from that - nobody likes to see a priestess of Queprur 

    I will explain this better.  Much of this is changing too.

    Quote
      You have taken quite a few liberties here in describing your birth but as they will do no harm it is ok. 

    No it is not ok for me to take so much liberty in the birth portion of my story.  I am thinking of how I can revise this, Probably leaving much of the story out and simply state that his mother died during childbirth.

    Quote
    The taunting and harassment continued as new names and insults seemed to be hurled at the boy.  Children imitated their adult counterparts and sometimes the abuse took on a more physical nature.
      Why now? His father#s death had nothing to do with him, he was not even near him. Death at work is nothing uncommon.


    This whole section is being revised so that it is the CD that falls from the tree and strikes his head on the way down.  It will be earlier in his life and no one will be pushing him or taunting him. In fact there will be no mention of the brothers at all.

    Well RL must be attended to now but please be assure I am taking seriously all the wonderful comments you have given me.

    About the errors in grammar, I will try to get rid of them all.  This is a bit hard for me.  As I mentioned when creating Gervase and Benedict I am a dyslexic to please be patient with me.

    Thanks again for all your hard work.  :thanks: 


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 19, 2008, 06:20:56 PM
    Hi

    Thanks to the kindness of Mina and Quaélh'Orín.  I believe I now have the proper name and title for my CD. :thanks:

    Please find that I have completely removed to History section for the time being and only placed the information that comes before it now.  It requires a rewrite of an enormous nature that I will continue to work on.  If you wish you may comment on what is present.

    I will still be taking him south although the story will be a much happier one. :rolleyes:

    I seem to have created a sort of amalgamation between Gervase and Benedict and what a mess I made of it. :fish:

    Thanks for your patients.


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Mina on May 21, 2008, 03:18:11 PM
    Just a small correction: Glasajís means "of sorrrow".  "Of sorrows" would be Glasajías. 


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Benedict Bennett on May 21, 2008, 05:48:39 PM
    Thanks Mina

    I will get this corrected


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 21, 2008, 06:03:55 PM
    and corrected.  I simply removed the "s".  It seems to sound even better!

    Thanks again :)


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 28, 2008, 08:36:44 AM
    Although the history is not quite complete I believe you can see I believe I have taken into account all the concerns about the CD

    Please feel free to comment if you would like. :)


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Azhira Styralias on May 29, 2008, 04:17:34 AM
    Looking good, Glasaj!   :D

    I'd like to see a tad more on the personality. I still don't have a feel for how he interacts with others and generally behaves. Personality will generally spell out how you plan to RP him in a story.


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 29, 2008, 04:41:14 AM
    Thanks Azhira

    I will address his personality more as you have suggested and finish out the history.

    Personally I like him a lot better now than I did in the beginning.  I didn't need all the Shendar garb except as a disguise, actually that was the main reason on bringing him to the desert, but now there are more logical reasons that can easily be explained and don't trap him there forever.


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on May 30, 2008, 05:24:06 AM
    Ok

    I have added to my Personality section so I hope it is adequate.

    The history section is finished( hope killing a giant snake is acceptable). :P

    I also changed the avatar. please tell me if you like this one or the one I had before better.

    Thanks for all your help and await anxiously for your approval.

    Edit: Oh I have called the Shendar friend Sen1.  I will change this when I figure out how naming is done for these sand people.


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Azhira Styralias on June 02, 2008, 08:49:07 PM
    I really like the changes, Cár'ámn. You're not as unbalanced anymore having changed your skill to Third Warrior. Your physical weaknesses seem extreme to me...he seems kinda fragile at times for a warrior. If that is what you had in mind, great, just bear in mind those weaknesses when you actually RP.

     - Your level of detail is great! I love the use of elven words and phrases.

     - Your imagery is wonderful. You really give Cár'ámn some character and also do a good job of describing other people in his life.

     - I think the killing of the snake is an excellent choice. You are a warrior, so it makes sense that you could handle a big nasty creature like that. Nice work.

    I don't usually do spell/grammar checks, but the CD looks clear of those issues from my reading. I'd say an approval is not far off for you!  :D


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 02, 2008, 10:34:32 PM
    Thanks Azhira

    What accolades!  I did work hard to get things cleared up. :D

    Let me take another look at his physical weaknesses and see if I can't figure out a way to minimize them a bit. ;)



    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 02, 2008, 10:40:58 PM
    Ok, I modified the weakness with his shoulder so it only happens when he is overdoing it.  The weakness where he passes out when struck from behind is somewhat muted when he wears his helmet . . . so I think I will leave it at that.

    Anything else before I can be approved?

    Thanks for all your help!  :nod:


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels on June 03, 2008, 08:19:31 AM
    Better now, don't you think?  :)


    However, as a member of this tribe I have to protest, that again a female (though younger) is described as having more fear than a boy! That is unacceptable! :P
    A new idea apart from saving children would have been nice!

    Some of the description is wrong: - turban - they Shendar are no Bedouins who wear it permanently!
    Quote
    A headscarf or turban protects the head whenever the Shendar are forced to travel the desert

    Not in town!

    And a last thing - would you please give this Shendar man a proper name? :)

    Btw, how did you come to your nickname? I must have missed it!


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 03, 2008, 08:33:57 AM
    Well it looks like I still have some work to do. :fish:

    I suppose I must come up with something else than saving children. (if I change it so the boy is the scared one will that be acceptable?)  :undecided: I might be able to save a whole caravan this time! :rolling:

    I will remove the turban as you have requested. You are correct he is in a city and would not have to have it.

    Now for the name.  I created a thread under general questions called Shendar Naming  where I asked about how to name them. So... I was hoping someone would be so kind as to answer that for me.

    The nickname. Well I can remove it seeing I had used it in the previous version.

    Thanks Telia for looking at it again.  Sorry if I offend you.


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 03, 2008, 08:43:27 AM
    I have fixed all but the name problem...

    I took the turban away and changed it so the boy stayed rather than the girl.  If i still need to change this please let me know.


    so please would someone tell me how to come up with a proper name for the noble shendar warrior? please! :cry:


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 05, 2008, 08:58:25 PM
    Ok everyone

    I have chosen to name the Shendar warrior Kindo after Kindo Gendair, the second in command of the Ráhaz-Dáth Mercenaries in 625 b.S.

    I hope this is acceptable and progress towards titling may continue.


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Azhira Styralias on June 05, 2008, 09:07:02 PM
    Like I said before, Cár'ámn...I think this looks good. Poke Talia for a final look as she has been involved in your commenting. I'll get some more mods to peek too.  :D


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 11, 2008, 07:40:28 AM
    Thanks Azhira

    Well mods could you please take another look?


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on June 11, 2008, 12:15:53 PM
    Nothing major stands out to me. You will have my approval once Talia gives her ok :)


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Gervase Bertrand on June 11, 2008, 08:16:35 PM
    Thank you Kalina

    Talia could you please take a look for me? :undecided:


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 11, 2008, 10:29:42 PM
    Thank you Kalina

    Talia could you please take a look for me? :undecided:

    Gently nudges Talia  :wakeup:

    Please


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Rookie Brownbark on June 11, 2008, 11:24:40 PM
    The best way might be to send her a pm on the dev board ;).


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 12, 2008, 08:17:13 PM
    Thanks Rookie


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels on June 13, 2008, 08:33:16 PM
    That advice with the dev-bellring was good! ;)


    @ Mods: I would say, give him the ok, though not all about the Shendar fits to the site, but that doesn't matter.

    @ Cár'ámn

    A bit more research would have shown you, how to do a Shendar name, but as I have not yet the nomenclature up, I'll help you.

    Shendar like apostrophes, so his name would be Kin'do , son of (name of mother), daughter of (name of grandmother/mother's side)

    The Rahaz-Dath mercenaries were no Shendar, but that is not important either.

    As I told you and quoted in my last comment, Shendar do not wear turbans in town! My comment was not this long to overlook that!

    I don't think the robbery in the streets of Uderza can happen like this nor do I find it very inventive to use the same reasons to get friends with the Shendar as Talia did, but well, it doesn't matter here.

    Your friend might have told you some stuff about flora, fauna etc - but no secrets like the paths though the desert, keep that i mind when roleplaying ;).

    And now: Happy roleplaying!




    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 14, 2008, 05:49:34 AM
    Thanks everyone for the approval! :D

    Tallia thanks for looking at my CD again.

    I was not hoping for any secrets from the Shendar anyway.  When I used it to begin with I was trying to find a good place for a wood elf to hide that would be under the turban of a human tribe.  But that is not necessary anymore.  I also will probably not do much with the fact that I know them either.  But thanks so much for all the wonderful advice.



    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on June 14, 2008, 12:49:30 PM
    Alrighty, since Talia came through and everything - noting nothing was withholding approval, even on the Shendar aspects (which I am assuming you probably will be integrating somehow anyways if at all possible)

    You have my approval :)


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Cár'ámn Glasajcín on June 15, 2008, 06:03:14 PM
    Thank you Kalina!

    I would like to incorporate some aspects but I have already been told to be careful about that.

    I will do my best to limit my knowledge of the desert and not try to take advantage of it to god mode.

    Thanks again.


    Title: Re: Cár'ámn Glasajcín/Tethinrhim/Ranger
    Post by: Twén Aråerwén on June 16, 2008, 09:25:41 AM
    ~Second approval and archived~