Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters 2010 => Topic started by: Azalahn on February 23, 2010, 05:42:56 AM



Title: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Inn owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 23, 2010, 05:42:56 AM
Name:
Azalahn Dél’Raguierá

Gender:
Male

Age:
223

Race:
Elf
 
Tribe:
Kaýrrhem

Occupation:
Owns an inn/tavern that he runs with some members of his former mercenary unit.
 
Title:
Dance of sorrow.

Portrait
None yet.

Overview
He is exceptionally gifted with swords. He became a fully trained elite Kaýrrhem guard and a good one before he was 200 years old. His unusually close relationship with his twin sister evolved into a romance neither of them can or will break. He leaves his homeland and and falls into a deep black pit. When he comes back up he is a changed man. He settles in a human city and runs a tavern/inn. Except when it comes to his sister Azalahn can be said to be seen like a cold and cynical man at least he never shows any public display of emotions, but he is haunted by his past, especially the separation from his sister is hard

Appearance.
Height: 2 Peds, 2 Fores, 9 Nailsbreadths

Weight 3 Pygges, 9 Hebs.

Hair Color: Jet Black

Eye Colour: Emerald green with light sparkles

Physical appearance:
Azalahn is a giant of an elf. He taller and much heavier built than most of his kin with sinuous muscle rippling under a layer of pale golden skin. He moves with graceful agile movements. There is a light scent of perfume in the air around him. His face is beautiful with fine features, almost to the point of being feminine. His eyes are vivid emerald green with light sparkles. When he looks at you it is with a painful and tortured expression. His long hair is usually tied up in a pony tail with a silver ring holding it in place. His voice is an unusually high tone for a male and has a melodious accent.

Clothing:
When not adventuring or expecting any kind of situation that could eventually be trouble he is almost always wearing an old green tunic made of the finest silk.
His sister made it for him. He wears a pair of black leather boots with metal covering the toes. When outside he usually wears a dark red cotton cloak fringed with furs. All chains and buttons are made of silver. He wears a heavy gold necklace with an elfmaid's face carved into a sapphire. He is rarely seen without his silver "bracelets" covering most of his lower arms, they are actually highly decorated vambraces. He often wears wide white trousers.

Personality:
Azalahn is a quiet man, he rarely speaks unless he feels he has something important to say. He takes care of his own business and lets other people take care of theirs. When someone says something to him he will answer back in a polite and friendly way, but usually a very brief answer and very rarely in a way that invites to a continued conversation. He is very loyal to the few friends he has. He claims to hate people with obsessions, but it seems like he is obsessed himself, he uses almost every spare moment he has to practice weapons or doing some work in the tavern.

On the surface he is cold and cynical, it takes a long time for him to trust people and he is rather paranoid. But very deep inside his hearth is a kind and giving man. He has a weakness for those who have a pure hearth although they have suffered in life trough no fault of their own, but often he will pretend not to care. Right or wrong, he believes that humans see compassion as a weakness and he has no interest in appearing weak.

Deep inside his hearth he knows it is in vain because she will never be happy without him just like he will never be happy without her, but that hasn't stopped him. He prays every day the the god of balance Ameros. (http://www.santharia.com/religions/armeros.htm) He prays that the god will make sure his misery is balanced by the happiness of his beloved. Ameros is also the god of war so he also prays that he will be able to protect the people he cares about if the need should ever arise again.

He is a workaholic, not so much because he feels he always has something he must do, but more because he is at peace when doing something. The memory of old battles and his longing for his sister seem to torment him when he doesn't do anything. This makes him very lonely and sad. He likes to play the violin or to sing on the rare occasion that he isn't at work or training and his mind is somewhat at peace. He has an interest in history and is especially fascinated with the legends of the Krean and the Krath Empire. He likes jewelry, silk and bright colours, but tries to mix in some local customs sometimes with rather odd results, but generally it is a nice mix.

Strengths:

Weapon skill: Iurías.
He is using a pair of these slightly curved elven long swords and is a perfect master with them.

Weapon skill: Spear
He is good with the spear, but it is not his prefered weapon after "loosing" his warhorse.

Combat skill: Unarmed.
Highly trained in unarmed combat, according to a Tethinrhim friend then he is as skilled as a Kaierian Warrior but his style is different.  

Combat skill: Blindfighting
In melee distance light conditions don't matter. This compensates for his sunlight problems.

Big and strong man
Azalahn is big and strong. He can load/unload a wagon in almost no time. He takes a box and lifts it up with little effort even one that 2 average men would struggle to lift. Today his big size and enormous strength make him almost impossible to wrestle to the ground on the rare occasion of a tavern brawl but even that is rare.

Former elite guard leader turned somewhat successful inn owner
He was a brilliant and very well educated military leader, and has a few contacts. Every now and then he can draw upon those qualities. He is averal bright with intuition and a special talent for business and he has a very good staff. In total this more than makes up for his lack of experience in running the inn.

Hunting
He can track a few animals and hunt with the horn bow. This helps with free meat every now and then for his place. He is a very good good marksman when time is not an issue. In battle time is an issue so he can't fight with it due to sunlight problems.

Stealth knowledge
He can teach others, if they are quick learners, how to move silently in the woods, although his sneezing prevents him from being completely silent himself.

Musical ability.
He has a beautiful and clear voice. When he sings then he hits all the tones from the very high to the very low perfectly. He only knows elven songs though, but every now and then they can be entertaining.

Dancing
He is very agile and graceful in his movements, this makes him a very good dancer and he has picked up a few of the local dances. This gives him another way to socialize with the customers (at least the female customers)

Weaknesses

Big and heavy:
A horse will tire easily when carrying this giant of an elf. He will not fit anything that is not custom made for his size. A standard human weapon just looks like it lacks a good part of it's size when he wields it so even weapons should be custom made if they are to be used to their full effect. He eats and drinks 3 times as much as a normal man (and pays accordingly)

Poor Tharian.
He has only been here for a short amount of time so his comprehension of the language is vague at best He can bark orders at soldiers, order a room and food, and tell a customer the price of a beer and say a few other simple things. But that's about it. Any kind of deeper conversation like explaining why a seemingly good deal is really a bad one would be too complex.

Stranger
His understanding of humans and the culture here in Bardavos (http://www.santharia.com/places/bardavos.htm) or any other human town is also very limited. Fortunately he had the luck to know people that can make up for his shortcomings here and the wisdom to employ them

New Environment.
The environment here is different from the jungle he lived in and his body hasn't adjusted yet and with some problems (allergies) it never will. There are some minor nuisances but mainly 4 real problems connected with this.

a) His skin, and eyes are always dry and itchy and he is sneezing way too much. The bladeleaf (http://www.santharia.com/herbarium/bladeleaf_fern.htm) helps with the dry and itchy skin though, but it isn't cheap and he has developed a medical dependency on it. Luckily it is a common plant, but it takes up much of his time to collect.

b) The bright sunlight around Bardavos is a problem for his sight. He is always looking down and squeezing his eyes into two very narrow slits, making him very nearsighted and with little peripheral vision when outside, unless stopping and shielding his eyes with with a hand while he takes a look around.

c) His skin burns easily when outside, so he has to be careful to always cover himself from top to toe when outside for any length of time.

d) The quality of air is low here in Bardavos, resulting in low stamina.

He is haunted by his recent past.
The images and sounds of past battles, the atrocities and slaughter he committed often haunt him. His memory fails him every now and then and he has problems focusing on things not related to combat and survival. He blames himself for not being able to save his men and surviving the hell they lived trough.

Emotional wreck.
He is utterly incapable of moving on from his past relationship, when not physically active or totally exhausted then she is in his every thought. This leaves him mentally drained and absent minded most of the time, not to mention unable to find a new partner in life or flirt with the female customers.

Always physically exhausted.
He seeks physical activity to escape from the pain in his hearth and will work or train preferably til he is passing out if possible.

Alcohol problem.
He drinks too much. This is expensive, the amount of work he gets done the day after is so so, and it really brings his soft side up as he often gives out a free meal to more than one of the street kids and beggars (making it really expensive) and he keeps mumbling in Styrash. (Until the staff gives him a "poisoned" good night drink and drag him out to the kitchen)

Perceived arrogance:
He is always too exhausted to really have much energy left to deal with people and quite absent minded when he isn't, some misinterpret it and think he considers himself better than the rest of them, he knows he should spend more time being social, but unless totally exhausted then the image of his sister or the battles up north are always there haunting him.

Sheltering a dark elf.
She is tolerated by the officials, military, neighbors (The neighbors like Azalahn and all his staff) and regulars for as long as she behaves. (and she does) But she is a dark elf, and everyone who has a problem with Azalahn, his inn or his staff will use it and try to spread rumors about him being an ally of the dark elves, a worshiper of Coór and that the dark elf is the one who is really running the show. These tales usually don't last long but they always come up again and this has cost him more than one business opportunity and more than one customer as well, and there are also those that stay away just because she is a dark elf.

Paranoid
During his 10 years as a mercenary he has crossed blades with many and stepped on quite a few toes. He is always afraid they will come after him or the people he cares about.

History

Early childhood
Azalahn was born in a small settlement in the Gaeldorioth jungle. Some say there was something wrong the night he and his twin sister were  was born and that they are both cursed.

Azalahn and his twin sister were were inseparable already from very early childhood. One could barely take one of the babies away without the other starting to cry and keep on crying.

Azalahn had an interest in swords almost from the day he could walk, always picking up small sticks hitting and thrusting things around him, and his sister followed him around like a shadow. Sometimes they played mages, doing weird gestures and mumbling strange sounds. Actually Azalahn found it very boring, but he would gladly pretend to enjoy it for hours if his sister liked it, and so he did.

The parents and the rest of the community were puzzled and worried, it didn't take a genius to figure out that she was destined to become a mage and he was destined to become a warrior, and both had the potential to one day become masters, but they didn't seem to be willing to spend even a minute apart from each other. In the end it was decided that they would have to be separated. She was sent to one of the larger cities of to be tutored by the wise and powerful mages living there, while he was start training as a guard. Perhaps they would learn to live without each other as time passed. At first they were both impossible. They refused to do anything. They often ran away and even attempted to take their own lives, but in the end they learned that it was all futile, they would not be reunited for the time being. Their mentality took a dramatic change as the truth became clear or so it seemed. Indeed it seemed like the forced separation had finally worked.

They both focused very hard on their tasks, not taking a single moment to relax and enjoy life. However the reason was not that they had learned to live without each other, they had learned that the only way to be reunited was to finish their training as soon as possible. While she spent every waking hour reading magical theories and ancient lore he spent every moment exercising his body and perfecting every move he was supposed to. As time passed this obsession with perfection became a part of their being.

Warrior training
Azalahn was almost the perfect student. He had the basics with both sword and spear almost from day one. He also excelled in survival and tactics. With stealth and bow he was more ordinary though. But with time he became proficient enough. He had to learn how to use the shield, but by some reason he always disliked the shield. He soon found himself training with students much older than his age, training was hard, they were more experienced than he was and despite his strong physique their age more than made up for it. There were only two solutions. He had to work not twice but four times as hard as the rest of them or be smarter than they were. There were only so many hours in a day so he really couldn't work any harder than he already did so that left him with one solution. He started using dirty tricks, so Azalahn got into a lot of trouble and his tendency to run off started to come back.

One day he went really missing, his parents worried about him, there were many predators in the jungle and he was just a young kid. He had found his way to the city and was with his sister when they found him at last, many wondered how he had found his way trough the jungle and survived on his own. He was taken back, but a few days he ran off again ... One day he came back accompanied by a well respected mage from the academy of magic. Azalahn’s presence seemed to have a positive effect on his sister. The mage knew a famous weapon master in the city, perhaps the young boy would respect such a man and it would allow the siblings to see each other. Azalahn was exceptionally gifted with swords, so perhaps he would be worthy to be trained by such a master so it was agreed that he was to be sent to the city as well at the age of 17.

His teacher was impressed. It had indeed been a long time since he had seen such a talent A pair of Iurías seemed to be the best weapons and style for him. Training here was different from back home. His teacher was strict, even the tiniest little flaw had to be weeded out before continuing to the next level. But Azalahn respected him, and dreamed about becoming as good as his teacher one day. He lived and trained and with his teacher in the city. He also had to spend some hours at the military academy studying. Azalahn wasn't a big fan of the academy but his teacher was right, he had to learn how to take out a group of Coór'hém that were better or just more numerous than him and his group if the need should arise.

His sister had an interest in books. Azalahn was more interested in weapons, but he didn't mind looking at the pictures. She wanted to share the rich experiences from literature with him so she started to teach him how to read, and later how to write. At first Azalahn found it boring, but as always he would do anything for her including something boring like learning how to read and with time he also learned to appreciate literature. Azalahn liked the stories about great heroes and military leaders. He sometimes told her that one day he would also become a great military leader. She told him that being a great fighter wasn't enough, he would also have to learn about numbers and strategy (She was always the smarter of the two) "If you are told that we are invaded by an army of 1500 humans from the east arriving in 3 days, and 2000 Drow from the west arriving in 4 days and we get 1000 Kassite riders in reinforcement from the south arriving in 2 days, what will you do with your army of say 2000 warriors?" she asked him one day. Azalahn didn't know what she was talking about, what was 1500 and all the other strange words? She explained the concept of counting and numbers to him. Then the concept of addition. He had 3000 in total and the enemies would have an army of 3500 if they were allowed to join up. Azalahn was impressed and again he realized her infinite wisdom, so he asked her to teach him, and so she did, first counting and all the numbers, then how to do weird almost magical things with numbers (calculations)

As time passed he came to like it even at the academy. These were the happy days in his life. The days with training and study were long and demanding but he could spend the evenings with his sister except when his master took him out into the jungle to teach him various things about stealth and survival. Azalahn wasn't a big fan of these trips either, he saw it more fitting a hunter/ranger than a true warrior, but again he had to admit the wisdom of his teacher. In times of war, warriors could be cut of from the rest of the army and their supply routes, then they would have to be able to survive on their own and take care of their wounded, and sometimes war could take them beyond the jungle so he had to learn a lot about various animals, plants and other stuff both within and beyond the jungle, at least the stuff from beyond the jungle was taught in theory so he didn't have to travel to all the various realms of Nybelmar.

Azalahn and his sister were as close as they had ever been. Indeed during their spare time they were completely inseparable. The time passed, months became years and years became decades. Azalahn grew into a fine young man and was made the leader of a small unit of elite guards. He was unusually large and heavily built. He was a well known face among the young elves in the city, both for his enormous strength and his mastery with swords, some people jested that he had to be half dwarven because of his broad shoulders and big mussels. He could have lived happily for the rest of his life and eventually become a famous swordmaster himself, but that wasn't his fate.

The twins were close as one could expect, but they they were more than that. They were completely inseparable, just like they had been during their early childhood. They could be seen holding each others hands when walking trough the streets and when they looked at each other there was an expression in their face that wasn't quite normal, at least not normal when looking at a sibling. People started to ask questions and rumors started to spread. At first nobody wanted to believe it but in the end fact was fact and couldn't be denied anymore. Neither of them had ever been out on a date with anyone (except with each other) In fact they had never even been interested in anyone else, and the way the looked at each other clearly told that they were in love with each other. This was more serious than when they had been small children. Azalahn had to leave.

Start of his exile
He left the jungle and headed for the human empire of Korweyn at the age of 201. He settled there and started working with the human soldiers of the empire that had been their allies for centuries. His sister followed him a year later. They lived happily again for a few years but eventually the rumors and speculations started again. They both returned to the Jungle. He went to seek the advise of his old master. His master consulted with the mages and in the end he told Azalahn that he would have to leave to a place as far away as possible, staying where she could follow him would just mean that in the long run she would be condemned to exile as well. The mages told her a similar story. They had always been each others greatest strength but also each others greatest weakness, back when they were still students they had competed in tournaments for warrior mage pairs, and had always been the downfall of each other, taking fatal blows (if they had been for real) to save the other from receiving a little scratch. This was no different. They were both willing to live out the rest of their lives in misery to help the other. Azalahn left and headed for the coast. He boarded a ship heading for the eastern continent of Sarvonia at the age of 205

The deep black pit.
He traveled across the continent of Sarvonia with no direction for roughly a year. He lived as a hunter most of the time but had enough wealth to buy food when there was no pray. In Voldar he got in contact with some mercenaries and ended up signing a contract for 10 years. It was a human organisation, but they were preparing for something big and were accepting recruits from all races and no questions asked. In the start most of the work was as caravan guards in small units. After some months he was sent to the northern frontier as part of a big unit consisting of 120 warriors. This was a big unit and Azalahn was impressed, the leader who was titled captain had to be a very skilled man to lead so many into war. The war season passed, or at least the locals didn't want to pay anymore so most of the mercenaries returned back south, split up and became caravan guards again. But the leader told Azalahn and a few others to stay until the last year of Azalahn's contract. His last instructions were that Azalahn was to be the leader of this group of 30 warriors.

They traveled across the land looking for hire. His group was made up of the most bloodthirsty brutes and/or the most highly skilled mercenaries among the original 120 warriors that had sailed north. There was even a dark elf among them. At first Azalahn couldn't stand the sight of her, but she was part of his group and in the end they came to respect each other somewhat and she wasn't anything at all like he expected a dark elf to be. There wasn't much to live of and nobody wanted to hire them for the prize they were to take. After some months they got their suspicions confirmed, they had been abandoned by the captain. They were the most blood thirsty warriors or the most skilled and best equipped and thereby also the most expensive. There was little use for them in the peaceful south, but due to their contract they were entitled to payment, so it would be better for the human leader if he could just get rid of them. For now orders were orders. They traveled the north living almost like animals. In the end Azalahn lowered their demands so they could get work, low payment was better than none. The first few years they got hired by hired by various Kuglimz tribes battling orchs, asmarians and even other Kuglimz. The battles were many and the payment allowed them to survive.  

Azalahn quickly earned a reputation as a crazed warrior, he fought with an animalistic fury and screamed like an animal. It was as if he was possessed by a demon. He cherished the battles, here he could strike out at the world with all his might and let his fury loose. He hated this world that kept him apart from his sister, he didn't care if he lived or died all he cared about was fighting, killing as many as he could and paying no regard to his own safety. It was indeed a miracle that he wasn't killed during this time. As time passed there was little left of the Kaýrrhem guard who had once been the pride of his teacher, in fact there was little left of the man at all. He started whispering a little prayer to the goddess of death before battles. Most of his unit feared and cursed him. The dark elf was an enigma though.

The elven mage scout Elyssia and the Serphelorian knight Aria were the only others who cared for him. They sensed some remnants of nobility and goodness left in his soul. Indeed he had his sense of honour that had saved men from certain death more than once and there was not a single man who was living worse than Azalahn. His sense of  honour and responsibility was all that was left of him, but that alone was not enough to save him and he was spending a little too much time with the dark elf. It surely was because of her influence that he now was whispering prayers to the goddess of death before battles. What they didn't know was that he prayed to her in the hope that she would take his soul during the coming battle and relieve him from the emotional torture that his life had become.

His soul rescued
He was on the battlefield again, he has slashed and hacked his way trough a tidal wave of enemies, now at last they were defeated. One of them came up again. She looked at him with an empty expression. Then she spoke:” Why do you hate us so much " It was his sister. As he looked across the battlefield he saw everyone he had ever cared about. His fellow Kaýrrhem guards, his teacher, the knight Aria and the scout Elyssia. All of them dead or mortally wounded by his weapons. Behind him he could hear what had to be the remainder of his group praise his name. He took a look behind him. What he saw was, not men and women, but a horde of disfigured and terrifying creatures that could only exist in nightmares. Demons. They started feasting on the souls of his victims, they sank their claws and fangs into his sister. He turned on them with a roar of defiance ... he woke up in his tent outside the city. " What a strange dream " he thought. The days passed but he could not forget the dream. In the end he was convinced that it had to be a message from some higher being.  Slowly he started to change his ways, clinging to his sense of honour and sometimes leaning on Aria and Elyssia’s sense of justice he climbed out of the darkness and into the light. A year later he was a changed man.
 
Mercenary life
Those who had admired him before now looked at him with disgust and called him a coward behind his back, while those that had feared him before loved and cherished him now. There was one thing though that many found outright weird. As his blood lust vanished he started to use poison on his weapons. When questioned about it he always answered with a reference to some Lillivear that started the Krath tradition of imbuing almost every weapon in with rare poisons. Most of his men took it as a byproduct of his fascination with this Krean (http://www.santharia.com/tribes/humans/krean.htm) empire of legends and myth. The dark elf was a mystery to him though, but he told himself he could count on her because she had nowhere else to go, and she was the one providing him with poison. Sometimes he felt sorry for her, the circumstances leading to her situation were different from his, but she was living in exile just like him.

She had been abandoned on the roads as a baby. A kindhearted human had found her, and raised her as his own daughter. Alas her adopted father died of old age before the long lived elf was out of her teens. After some time in confusion and sorrow and finding out that she was shunned everywhere she had headed towards the Paelelon forest to rejoin her people. She staid with them for a long time, learning their ways and trade, but in the end it became obvious that the damage was done, she was too human and would never really fit in and she would never really sincerely worship Coór. She left on her own before they would send her away. She had learned about poisons, stealth, hunting and combat with her people, so she started to make a living with those skills, but it was a thankless job, and she hated herself for what she had to do. As she got better in her trade, she became able to be a bit more picky about what job to take, she sometimes found that shortly after completing a job the authorities were looking for her. Her former employer had given them an anonymous tip. She became very good at her job, but experience had taught her that her employer could very well betray her shortly after completing jobs so she staid clear of the wealthy and powerful. One day in Voldar there were some mercenaries accepting members of every race and no questions asked, this had been her way out.

He got them a contract for the rest of the time they were to remain up north. They were to help the Injerin keep the orcs in check. The presence of a dark elf proved to be a problem though. She was not allowed into the city. As a result Azalahn and his group camped outside the walls.

Tales about the Centaurian mounted warriors and the Jhehellrhim with their crossbows inspired him to adopt a new tactic. An all out mounted force with crossbows, keeping their distance. It took a while to get the whole group mounted and trained, but it was well worth it. He didn't loose one man after that. In the beginning they were not as effective as they could be and quite a few battles ended in close melee especially when they encountered the warg riders. Then they started shooting the wargs first. With time they became better at shooting while mounted and they became a real menace for the orcs.  
The time they were to stay up north came to an end and it was time to head back south. Azalahn knew that their leader expected them to be dead so he didn't lead them to Voldar but took a ship from the eastern shore heading for Carmalad, They ended up guarding caravans going to and from Carmalad. Azalahn had 18 warriors left out of the 30 his leader had left him with, he divided them into 3 squads and hired some replacements. He spent most of his time arranging jobs with for his men.

One day one of the squads reported back with wounded and people missing. The man leading them back was proud.
Despite being ambushed and outnumbered he had secured the caravan and only suffered minor casualties. Azalahn was furious. He canceled the contract negotiations he was in the middle of, took the available men and headed out while sending a courier with orders to the last squad about joining them immediately after reaching their destination. When they reached the site of the ambush the bodies of 2 of his men were missing. Azalahn and his unit followed the trail and after a few days the last squad joined them. His group was divided into 2 camps. With one side he was everything but popular, this was a waste of time and money. The other side admired him for caring about 2 missing men. In the end the scout found the highway men's hideout. The knight and the dandy were held prisoners, most likely for ransom. The camp was raided and burned down, and most of the highway men were captured or killed. Both prisoners were severely wounded. The young boy died a few days later. The knight Aria could be moved after a week. When they came back to town Azalahn spent most of their profit on medical care for Aria.

There were some of the other mercenaries that talked about getting their own tavern and quit the mercenary work, after some time Azalahn got hooked on the idea. The contract they had signed on for came to an end, some of them had been there for many years, but Azalahn had only signed on for 10 years. Azalahn and his original group went to Voldar to collect. The payout was poor indeed. Some of them let out comments about being better off as a beggars. Actually Azalahn didn't think the pay was that bad, but he had signed on as a leader, leadership had come naturally to him in fact this was easier than the theories his master had made him study and thus he got an officer's salary.
Azalahn was now 216 years old.

Retirement
Some of them staid in Voldar and the rest returned to Carmalad. Azalahn headed south, again living of the land and traveling with no particular aim. A year later he ended up in the city of Bardavos at the age of 217. He liked the place and decided to stay there for a while.

There was an old woman living on a farm just outside town, her husband had passed away a few years earlier, bad luck with the harvest had pushed one of their sons into seeking fame and glory as a mercenary but instead he had found death in a foreign land. Their other son had died from disease and she had never given birth to another child. Azalahn used to help her out every now and then. People said she was a witch practicing evil magic and that she had murdered her husband and son as  part of a demonic deal. Indeed the old crone looked a bit scary, but there was nothing evil about her in fact she was a kind old lady. Azalahn parked his horse and staid at her farm when he was in town. In the spring he brought her seeds and in the late summer he helped her with the harvest. He liked working the land. At last it seemed he had found a home.

He ended up spending the next 5 years in Bardavos. He lived as a hunter and occasional mercenary/caravan guard. At first it was more mercenary but with time he learned what worked and what didn't work in this terrain that was quite different from the jungle he grew up in and after buying a Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound from the Quaelhoirhim elves he was able to live full time as a hunter. He had turned into somewhat of a zombie, his longing for his sister was tearing him apart, but he didn't sink back into the black pit he had crawled out of, instead he found peace in doing as much work as he could possibly get, the payment wasn't important but having something else than his sister to focus his mind on was.

One day he rescued a street kid from being bullied by some of the local ruffians, a few days later the same kid tried to pickpocket him. Azalahn decided to let the kid go, a few months later he caught the same kid again, this time Azalahn wanted to have a chat with the father so he dragged the kid across most of the town, in the end it turned out that the kid was an orphan.

The tavern
About a year ago when Azalahn was 222 the old woman died and she had made Azalahn the heir to all her property since she had no family to pas it on to and he was the only one that she knew. Azalahn was grateful but he had a problem, that turned out to put an end to his newborn farming ambition. He didn't know anything about farming at all. He thought about selling it but he didn't like that idea because in his head that would be the same as selling the kindness of the old lady. He squandered a few days away pondering what to do. In the end he decided to do nothing, about the farm but to go for it with the tavern and buy what was left of a small bar and warehouse, in what was supposed to be a bad neighborhood. It was obvious who the front of the local street gang was, but Azalahn was worried. What if this was only the enforcer of this area but part of a much larger and more powerful organization. Azalahn went looking for the little kid he had caught some time ago. This was just like a war he taught, and the two most important things to obtain victory were information about the enemy and an army strong enough to actually beat him. He didn't have an army but he had some ideas and first things first.

He got the kid to hire some other kids and gather information for him. It turned out that the local gang didn't have any true allies but only some live and let live agreements with other gangs, and they were only about 10 members, but one of them was a former assassin although never a good one. Azalahn went looking for some of the mercenaries from his former unit and that took him half a year, but time was the one thing he had plenty of. Most of them were still in Carmalad and Voldar. 4 of them ended up joining him. Thorgrim Blackbeard a dwarven veteran who wanted to retire to the quiet life, Elyssia Ilaról‘miés'efér the elven scout who had become quite disillusioned with mercenary life, Aria the Serphelorian Knight, whose respect Azalahn had won, and lastly the dark elf who simply had nowhere else to go. The dark elf had tried to get another contract but in vain then she had tried her luck in various shadowy jobs but with nobody wanting to hire her. She had been living of Petty theft in the city of Voldar for a few months then she had left the city. She had indeed been living like a hunted animal ever since, always on the run and living of the wilderness. They ran into her when leaving Voldar. Actually Elyssia noticed a ragged smelly creature following them. They had almost killed her. This wasn't the skilled assassin he knew but hunger had driven her into being careless. Azalahn had worked with her for years so he knew she could be trusted well enough and also when she should not be trusted. He took her in. Thorgrim, Elyssia and Aria didn't object they knew Azalahn would never turn anyone away, they were not exactly pleased with his decision but that sense of honour was a part of the man they had come to respect so much. Originally 3 more had joined him but they refused to work with the dark elf and left.

Azalahn opened the tavern and the gang made things really tough. Azalahn had intended to wait a few years before getting rid of them, but both Aria and Thorgrim insisted on doing something about it right away and they were both more than ready to chop of a head or two. In the end Azalahn got them to at least let him try to do it his way first. He had Elyssia talk with the officials and get him permission to clean the streets by whatever method he found necessary as long as it didn't cause any disturbance across the rest of the city. Human officials were indeed strange they took payment for allowing people to help them, Elyssia called it bribery. It wasn't expensive since everyone would like to get rid of them. Azalahn knew that the darkelf Elliane was a trained assassin and suspected she knew where to find one if not in this city then somewhere close. He gave her some money to hire one and take out the gang's assassin and abduct the little guy who was supposed to be the gang's only brain. Most people would be glad to get rid of them, but it was still killing and abduction so it would be best to have outsiders do it just in case. Azalahn had Aria beat the leader up and break some bones, the rest was easy.

Today
After cleaning up the streets business has dramatically improved, it is now a flourishing Tavern. Thorgrim stands in the bar and tells old war stories and he doesn't believe that Azalahn’s breastplate is made by elves, but claims it has to be made by dwarfs. Elyssia is the waiter and Aria is the bouncer, well occasionally there is a big fight and Azalahn has to assist her, but he normally lets her handle things alone since he knows she likes being the strong one who doesn't need help from any man. Azalahn has hired an extra waiter and has the street kid running errands for them, sharing gossip about the competition and general activity on the street that might be of importance to know. In exchange the kid has been promised a free meal every day. Usually it ends up with 3 meals a day and a place to sleep for nothing. Elliane works in the kitchen and once a year they travel to the Palelon forest, at least that is the plan, to buy the lucrative draw wine, Elliane has some business contacts there so they get it very cheap, well actually the agreement is that they return a good portion of the profit to the suppliers. If only looking at the wine sale and the expenses they have to go trough to get it then they barely break even, but the real profit is that it attracts customers. His dog seems to follow Elliane and Elyssia around most of the time, sometimes he isn't sure it is his dog anymore, probably because they feed it all the time.

Weapons:
Pair of Iurías. The pommel of both swords has the form of the head of the mythical unicorn covered in a thin layer of white gold. The eyes are a pair of gems. The blades have been inscribed with a prayer to the high goddess Ava.

Hornbow is  plain looking, except that it is obviously very powerfull and made for an extremely strong man.

Platemail. The armor is not only top quality, it is also a beautiful piece of art. The breastplate has a poem engraved in ancient Styrash runes covering the whole left side and the face of a very beautyfull elfmad covering the hearth. The underarmor is made of Gossamer quilted in silk as the innermost layer, cotton padding and silk on the exterior.  

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  

Avá has dreamed our bodies apart
Our soul and spirit to be shredded in two
But two parts of the one whole

To suffer
To bleed and weaken
To look into the abyss

One can not exist without the other
Together we triumph
Or together we sink into the abyss
 
Separated by thousands of miles
By hundreds of years
Our souls will always be one

Be it in life or be it in death
One day we will reunite
We will be one again

Even in separation.
Your hearth will be with me
And my hearth will be with you

Our hearths will guide us together again
They will heal our wounds
And sooth our pain

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love
 

Belongings:
Green Silk tunic made of the best materials money can buy, but really low quality tailoring. The tunic is his most highly prized possession. Pair of Jeweled daggers, tavern, violin, Farm and a some cash, cart, wagon and an old heavy warhorse that is living out the last years of it's natural lifespan. It is not the stallion it used to be, in fact over the last few years it has grown too weak to carry him in his full armor.

Familiars:
Draft horse.
He bought it a year ago, he doesn't really need it at the moment, but it makes things easier for both him and his staff to have a horse and wagon to help them when they need to restock.

Generally it is a gentle horse.  

The horse is chestnut mare, is white around the hooves and a bit up the legs, and the mane is white as well.

The name is cór'jeín melór (night shadow)


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on February 23, 2010, 09:50:37 AM
Are you planning on starting a Tavern when you get approved? If not, perhaps consider a position at mine? :D


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 23, 2010, 10:13:39 AM
I was planning to start one. I would love to draw out all the little details about the regulars, the staff and the place itself and I allready like the little street kid he has taken in, but do you have a link to some information about your tavern?


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on February 23, 2010, 10:17:11 AM
Its The Banshee's Crest (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?topic=7495.0).

And there is nothing wrong about being in control. :)


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 24, 2010, 12:29:04 PM
Some questions

His uncle was killed in battle with the orchs, and the decription hints a few skirmishes every now and then so I was thinking about O'kroi'parda'ael as his hometown.

School where he spent most of the later half of his childhood, and where a high ranking military officer would live: Elin’dor ?

The human city he finally settled in.
I also like Bardavos, since it seems like a city that accepts most kind of people but it should be a large city where he can be somewhat anonimous (well at least try to be), has a few street gangs and a mercinary would retire to that city every now and then. There is also the question about development (we can't use any underdeveloped areas)
 
Voldar can be another option, it is big enough to have a bit of everything and lies close enough to the north and uncivilized lands that I guess a few mercinaries can come from there.

The injerin average slightly more than 2 peds, however how large would an extreme deviation be, or can I just assume that the spread is roughly the same as for humans?



Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Valan Nonesuch on February 24, 2010, 02:52:04 PM
One problem with the places you list.

From O'kroi'parda'ael to Bardavos you've listed settlements from roughly every last part of Sarvonia. Now it's safe to assume that Sarvonia is roughly the length of north america.  O'kroi'parda'ael is probably around the same latitutde as central alaska, while Baravos sits about level with Miami. I'd suggest you head over to one of my favourite places the maps overview (http://santharia.com/maps/maps.htm) just so you get a good idea of where you're proposing. Distance is not something to be ignored after all.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 24, 2010, 05:37:39 PM
Hehe I guess it has taken him close to a year to get from the shaded forrest to Paeleon, but I am sure he would be willing to do that, and he needs to settle in a place faar away from home where nobody knows him or more importantly his past back home. The city he should be within mannagable travel distance to the Paelelon forrest, since the cheap drow wine is a major part of his competetive edge, however it should also be faar enough away that the drows won't bother to travel that far themself, at least not regularely.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Deklitch Hardin on February 24, 2010, 05:48:56 PM
Hi Azalahn and welcome

When you get approved, there'd be nothing to stop you setting up your tavern in the home sweet home area if you wanted to. Lia Diti has done something along those lines with her house that doubles as a shop, and it comes complete with a couple of supporting NPCs.

Three requests I have with regards to your CD
1) Please break up your larger paragraphs into smaller ones, including a line space between each paragraph. At the moment it looks like a lot of blocks of texts

2) Please just use Santharian measurements in the CD, and please don't use decimals.

3) Your hunting dog and your warhorse will need to have more details than you have currently provided. Almost like a mini cd in themselves. Minimum would be appearance, personality and history on each of them. Both the horse and the dog would need to be included in your strengths.

- Deklitch


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 24, 2010, 06:12:38 PM
You mean I should forget about the tavern for now and then set it up when I get approved or I should set it up in an appropriate place now and then I can always move to another place later on ?

In case I am to set it up in an appropriate place not then I have been looking at Carmalad. Not so sure how well he would like it there, but it is seems to be within mannagable travel distance from Paelelon. Take your vagon to Cavthan, hire passage on a boat/ship to Elsreth, hire a vagon and travel to Paelelon and then back again.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on February 24, 2010, 06:14:50 PM
You can't get a story approved until you are approved as a character.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 24, 2010, 07:33:49 PM
Ok I deleted the tavern part from his history, and the mercinary life will need some adjustments so I didn't edit it.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Deklitch Hardin on February 24, 2010, 08:48:28 PM
oh sorry ... I didn't mean for you to delete it. :(

I was just giving you another option as a way to have a tavern incorporated. Sorry for the confusion.

My apologies again


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 24, 2010, 10:29:46 PM
LoL ok I put it back in.



Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Valan Nonesuch on February 25, 2010, 12:08:11 AM
A note for you on elves and aging. We have a wonderful little utility here called the Elving Aging Calculator (http://aocrpginfo.awardspace.com/EAC/services/elven_aging_conversion.htm) which determines how old your character should be with relations to their appearance and skillset as well as how old they actually are. Elves stop aging the same as humans after a certain point but continue to learn.

So, you've got the age there listed as 45. Functionally this means you have the relevant skills and appearance of a 21 year old.

So, without further ado let's proceed to my favourite part: Disembowelment of your strengths and weaknesses Keep that figure in mind. 21, as well as the time you spend traveling around. You're not some hermit on a mountaintop to be practicing all the live-long day.
Quote
Strengths:
REMOVE SPACE

Important: All strengths and weaknesses are technically important. If it's not important why are you bothering to write it down?
Extremely strong
SPACE
Very Agile
SPACE
He is exceptionally gifted with the Bastard sword and the fighting style of paired swords.I hope you don't mean two bastard sword. A bastard sword (also called a "hand-and-a-half sword") is not the kind of weapon you should try to swing around two of at once. The reason they are called "bastards" is because they are not properly longswords (assume 40 inches or a meter in length of the entire sword) (which are shorter) but neither are they a two-handed sword (hence that "half" part). You could wield a bastard sword one handed (they've got a length of about 48 inches another fifth of a meter (121 cms) compared to a longsword), or use two hands to apply extra force but I think two of these swords at once would be impractical at best, dangerous to yourself at worst.


Hmmm wonder how good he would be after roughly 6 years in human terms.A human with six years of training would likely be floored by an elf taught by an elf. Elves take learning seriously, going much further in depth than a human student or teacher would. Keep the off-topic commentary out of the CD since it can get confusing.

Quite smart and has a tallent for making money.
SPACE
Has learned reading, writing, basic aritmic and knows a thing or two about logistics.

Not essential but I think they fit his background and I don't really want just the "Erwin Rommel on steroids in Santharia" conceptCommentary not essential since it's not a strength or weakness. Save the writing for adding details to the strengths and weaknesses thanks.

Proficient with a pair of daggers, he should have some training with more than just his weapon of choice, he can't use them all at once anyway.This one of the most vague strengths I have ever read. Here's the thing. Most medieval warriors would likely have trained with one, maybe two weapons. If you diversify your learning you do have the advantage of knowing less about more. That is to say someone who has only studied fighting with any ome weapon will know more than you, while you know more than one to a lesser degree.

Somewhat proficient with a bow.

Somewhat proficient with a an mace and shield.
I've struck these last two off your CD for a reason. By this point you have added five weapons to the character (that includes fighting with two blades, though I've gone in-depth about that above).

He knows enough about hunting and herbs to at least survive in the wilderness most of the time. He spent some time in the Paelelon forrest so he would most likely pick up the basics of a skill or two. So, you wish to imply that because you were in a forest you suddenly know how distinguish poisonous plants from edible ones? Is this magic forest located in Santharia? Sarcasm aside, you're very vague about how you came by this skill and you need to explain more. Please don't say "but it's in the history". Strengths and weaknesses are supposed to have details, this does not.

Speaks Eophyrim fluently, and knows how to mix the poison normally used by the Eophyrim. His mother is Eophyrim The Eophyrim do not have their own language. Elves on Sarvonia (that's the great big continent in the middle of those maps) speak a language called "Styrash". There may be individual variations between tribes (like the difference between french in Canada, french in France and french in Belgium or between Queen's English and American English) but it is the same language.

Is always wellcome in the Paelelon forrest.

His brother gave him juvels worth a small fortune when he left home.

Warhorse. See familiars and history/departure. See below

Hunting Dog. See familiars. Not going to fly I'm afraid. It doesn't matter if it's explained somewhere else, if you count it as a strength or weakness you have to explain how it is a strength or weakness in this section. No exceptions.

Weaknesses
Low self esteem, except as a military officer.

Doesn't quite have the wealth and income one would expect from a lord’s son. As a result most nobles would be most likely to consider him the spoiled son of a wealthy merchant or some other pretender unless they get the whole story (ain't gona happen)

Only a partial education and it is not very relevant to the life he is living now. He knows about tactics, formations and logistics, but he never learned the other and more peaceful duties of an officer, like how to train and motivate conscripts, the legal affairs that come up from time to time, social customs in the military etc and he knows next to nothing about politics.

He is considered a humiliation by his father and his sphere of influence

He is considered an obstacle blocking the romantic advances upon his sister, and quite a few young noblemen back home would like to get rid of him permanently. He knows it and as a result he is a bit paranoid.

Believes he has been separated from the love of his life forever, but she is the one he will love for the rest of his life, so he is incapable of starting over, as a result he is not truely happy and probably never will be.

He knows his father considers his mere existence a humiliation so he will never use his family name even when he could use it to gain some benefit.

If he should ever come into conflict with someone who knows his story back home then there is also the rumor about his romantic relationship with his sister.
 
He sticks to himself and has very few friends, the only true and long lasting friendships he has beyond the people at the inn are probably the draw hunters he used to work with, the son and daughter of house Ó'chón'cár’raín back home, who provided him with a master and a place to train with weapons.

He is dressed like a man of noble birth, but he is almost always wearing the same tunic  and his armor clearly tells that he comes from a family with some resources. He also sticks to himself most of the time. The result is that many people consider him snobish and believe that he considers himself better than the rest of them because of his noble or wealthy family, so there are only a very few people in the middle class that really like him. Others consider him quite odd because he treats an old tunic almost like an irreplaceble treassure.

Has a drinking problem. Whenever life is just too much to bear he drowns his sorrows in a bottle and his taste for the drow wine can make this quite expensive.

His enormous size makes it almost impossible to disguise himself if he should need to do so.

He is easily remembered. Enormous Injerin with black hair and the build of an Eophyrim, so if he meets an enemy from 20 years ago he will be recognized instantly. You assume people have that kind of memory. I've struck out the "weakness" above because it overlaps completely with this one and wastes space. It's the same weakness.

Just in case we need some more weaknesses.Commentary is not necessary. And please don't try to pad out your strengths and weaknesses. The mods are literate people and this sort of thing doesn't get by them. See after the end of the quote for more details on this.
Generally reacts coldly towards mages. He considers them arogant and cruel unless they prove him wrong.

It is clear that he is a foreigner if that should come into play, and his command of the Entronian language is limited.Same as the elvish language, humans on Sarvonia (for the most part, there are some exceptions) and within Santharia (of which Enthronia is a province) as a whole speak a language called "Tharian" which we assume looks and sounds like english but has it's own sayings and indeed slang.

He is always carefull about not revealing too much about himself so otherwise potential friends will sence that his trust only goes soo far and in return their's will also be limited. In short it takes him longer than normal to get people's trust.  
You might notice that I've ignored your weaknesses for the most part. This does not mean that they work. It means that I decided to skip to the bottom because I need to explain how this section works. Strengths and weaknesses are not balanced simply because you have five on one side and five on the other. If I put five feathers and five bricks on either end of a scale, it would topple like a badly built house of cards. Strengths and weaknesses have to be balanced measure for measure. If you have five really "strong" strengths you need equally debilitating weaknesses (it doesn't matter if it's four or forty- wait. Yes it does, forty weaknesses would be torture to go over. Don't go over seven.) to balance them. You're balancing so that your strengths and weaknesses come out even or with the weaknesses on the slightly heavier side.

So, how do you determine what is a "good" strength or weakness? We look at strengths and weaknesses based on the idea that they should be compared to the average peasant. This imaginary John Everyman does not know how to use magic, any sort of weapon, can't read, write or count higher than the number of fingers and toes he has. He probably lives somewhere and farms carrots or potatoes or something. A strength is therefore something that the average peasant could not do. This includes fighting. Especially fighting. A weakness is something that would even out against the average peasant. For obvious reasons weaknesses like "doesn't have a ranged attack" or "can't do magic" don't work because the average peasant can't do those things either.


Spell check! I can't tell you how important this is to CD mods and other people who will comment on this CD! Santharia has a lot of weird names in it (as you've doubtless seen) so if you accidentally write "juvels" instead of "jewels" (you've done this) someone might have to go look it up to make sure they didn't miss what on earth a "juvel" might be (I did this). It makes our lives easier which makes your life easier.

Last point: Strengths and weaknesses have to be elaborated upon. This is to make sure that the character remains balanced by placing things like limits on the strengths and making sure they play along with the weaknesses. You say you're extremely strong, but there's no indication as to what that means. Can you lift a car? Consider that for all of your strengths. Don't try to weasel your way out of it by using terms like "moderately and somewhat" and hoping that counts. At leasttwo sentences to describe it would be a good idea.


Hopefully this helps.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 25, 2010, 05:11:17 AM
Wow. Thanks for the comments, must have taken you some time.

It says that most eophyrim are hunters so I will consider that to be the average Joe and pick his strenghts and weakness from there.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Valan Nonesuch on February 25, 2010, 10:49:01 AM
Hunting dogs traditionally serve two purposes as far as I know. They can retrieve smaller downed game (hares, birds and similar) and they flush game out of hiding for the hunter to get at. The dog does the legwork so the hunter doesn't have to. Sheepdogs on the other hand, keep herds together and under control and are supposed to chase off dangers, meaning that you'd need fewer actual shepherds and they do less legwork as well. Dogs do have their uses.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Valan Nonesuch on February 25, 2010, 11:22:14 PM
Quote
The Eophyrim equivalent to a peasant is a hunter.
There is no equivalency needed. Your character gets compared to a human peasant, we figure out how it goes. You said hunting dog I assumed you meant one of these:Eyophrhim Hunting Hounds (http://santharia.com/bestiary/hunting_hound.htm)

You might want to try taking a look at the approved character archives for better references.
Drea (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?topic=7051.0) is a more recently approved character that can fight, as is Eyimon (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?topic=6880.0) but I encourage you to take a look through other approved characters (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?board=12.0) though you may wish to say within about two years since the "standards" on the board change from time to time, so others might be a wee bit outdated


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 26, 2010, 06:08:23 AM
Just in case I need to go all the way back to the drawing board...

Educated and bright man with an intuition for business.
He is a well educated and experienced military leader. He can draw upon some of those skills and connections he made to help him run his business. His natural intelligence and intuition almost make up for his lack of experience.


Testing fonts

Test 2

Testing font 3

Testing fonts 4


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Deklitch Hardin on February 26, 2010, 07:25:57 AM
Ok,

Welcome to Santharia.

Stop and listen, please. ALL characters, whether they are orcs, hobbits, elves, dwarves, gnomes etc etc etc are compared to a human peasant. We assume that such an individual does not have magic or weapon skills, is lucky to spell their name, and might be able to count to ten (assuming they have all their fingers and thumbs). If they are able to do things more than these things, they are considered to be strengths.

It doesn't matter if you play a character from a race/tribe who has a more advanced starting point than this, we still consider your character from this starting point. Telling us that 'the common Joe amongst the Eophyrim is a hunter' really doesn't mean anything. Your character is being compared to an individual with the characteristics I described above.

If you want your character to be able to hunt, it needs to be included as a strength, regardless of his racial background. If you want him to be able to fight with a sword, that is another strength.

If you want him to be hunted by a deadly enemy that would kill him in an instant, that needs to be a weakness. If he dislikes the cold, is frightened of spiders, doesn't like horses, gets sea sick at the drop of a hat etc they could all be considered weaknesses. If he is a stranger in a strange land, that too could be considered a weakness.

So, in summary, you are going to be considered against the characteristics of a peasant, not an average joe of a particular race/tribe.

Thank you,

Deklitch


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 26, 2010, 08:19:38 AM
Ok

Thanks for the clarification, think I got it now.

The human peasant is the standard regardless of race/tribe.

Going to delete some of the old stuff and use the last post as a drawing board


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 28, 2010, 04:15:07 AM
Just in case ...


http://www.santharia.com/people/order_white_knights.htm Test

white knights (http://www.santharia.com/people/order_white_knights.htm)

Test test


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Deklitch Hardin on February 28, 2010, 04:22:46 AM
Is there a reason why you are putting these into later posts rather than putting them into your CD? Doing that only makes things more complicated for everyone involved. Please just put any strengths/weaknesses into your CD and make sure you colour them for us. Thank you.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on February 28, 2010, 04:35:54 AM
They are not ready yet, so they contain a coment or two to make things easier for myself and while I am still working I plan to keep measures  in kg, and meters to make things easier for myself as well.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Valan Nonesuch on March 03, 2010, 01:58:38 PM
Normally you'd have a CD mod that would go through the entire CD, but it turns out I'm rubbish with history (as a rule) so I'll leave that to the qualified and patient people.
Name:
Azalahn Dél’Raguierá

Gender:
Male

Age:
45  

Race:
Elf
 
Tribe:
Eophyrim/Injerin So, we get to blows here first. Injerin live in Northern Sarvonia as I'm sure you're well aware (you've looked at the maps after all). The Eophyrim live in Santharia, in the Paeleon (I'm sure you're also aware of this, you look like you've done your research). What you might have missed is the fact that they're different kinds of elves. As a rule, Dark Elves don't get along with other sorts of elves. The Injerin outright hate their Dark Elves, the Diorye'oleal and they're downright peaceful for the most part. So, without having looked at your history I'll assume you've explained how your parents manged to meet and not kill each other with good reasons (meaning without resorting to "because they did").

Occupation:
Owns an Iinn that he runs with some members of his former mercenary Pplatoon.
 
Title.
Dance of sorrow. It is a nickname he got from his mercenary companions. His eyes always seemed to hide some very painful secret and he was always doing this sword form that seemed much like a dance.Don't really need the explanation up here.

Portrait
None yet.You can leave this out if you haven't found one

Overview
He is a complete failure as a mage and his father is ashamed of his very existence. He was always compared to his extremely intelligent and magically gifted sister. As a result he has low self-esteem, is rather quiet and not good in social situations. He has a passion for swordplay and got the basics at a friend's house. His unusually close relationship with his sister evolved into a romantic relationship and he had to leave home.  He left home with equipment fitting a nobleman, but he doesn't have the continual income of the nobility.This seems mostly personality section and not really an overview. I'm no expert on them, but the overview is supposed to cover the character as a whole, and you haven't done that here. Remember it is an optional section so if you run into too much trouble you can always avoid writing it.

Appearance.
Height: 2 Peds, 1 Fore, 2 Palmspans.This is unusually tall for either of your tribes. For reference you're topping out at more than 8 feet tall. You'll want to cut down on that a little I think.

Weight 4 Pygges plus/minus 2 ods.You weigh over 400 pounds. This is also a little on the heavy side, even taking your prodigious size into account. At this point you should be buried six feet underground, given your size and weight. The spine, human or elven is not designed to support much weight and would eventually break. Giants die young.

Hair Color: Jet Black

Eye Colour: Amber with light sparkles

Physical appearance:
Azalahn is a giant of an elf. He is broad shouldered and very fit, with sinuous muscle rippling under a thin layer of skin like the Eophyrim, but his skin is fair like the Injerin. High and defined cheekbones like the Injerin. His face is beautifull with fine features, almost but not entirely to the point of being femenine. When he looks at you it is with a painfull and tortured expression. His long hair is usually tied up in a pony tail with a silver ring holding it in place.

Clothing:
When not adventuring or expecting any kind of situation that could eventually be trouble he is almost always wearing a black tunic made of the finest silk. On the rare occation he wears something else it is usually Eophyrim style.This means nothing to someone who might be looking at it. Assume the person knows nothing about the style of your tribes. Odds are they won't. I don't claim to know much about the dark elves except that they wear a lot of leather and prefer silver. However, glances at your tribes clothing section tell me that it's not really consistent in what they wear so you'll want to either remove this or do a better job at describing. Remember, assume the person reading this knows nothing about your tribe. Odds are they won't.

If you look closer at the tunic and have some knowledge about cloths and fabrics then you will discover that it is made of the finest silk that money can buy but the tailor is at best an amateur, and not a very skilled one. However it is also the very best that someone of that level can produce, to the trained eye it is clear that a considerable amount of time has been spent on it.Here is the thing. The way you've written some of the sections you're narrating another person's actions which isn't a good way to go about things. The second issue, and I've told many, many people this. I'll assume these are day to day clothes and possibly traveling clothes as well. Silk is made of cocoons. Because of that, it degrades naturally if exposed to too much sunlight. Just breaks down, because that's what happens to the cocoons in nature. Likewise if it is not properly cared for it attracts insects and they just eat it right up.

His sister made it for him when he talked about living in their mothers homeland.This is an addendum that would be better served integrated into the actual paragraph above. Right now it's an orphan. I have no idea what exactly you're talking about because it has no context to fit into.

Personality:
Azalahn is a quiet man. He doesn't speak unless he has something important to say. He knows his father is ashamed of him and doesn't use his family name, and he considers Lord ó'chón'cár’raín to be the closest thing he ever had to a father.

Except for the quiet moments when memories about his sister come to his mind he never smiles.

He is still loyal enough to his father that he will try to study magic from time to time, he still has some of the old textbooks.

He is very loyal to the few friends he has. He claims to hate people with obsessions, but it seems like he is obsessed himself, he uses almost every spare moment he has to practice weapons or doing some work in the tavern.

He is a workaholic, not so much because he feels he always has something he must do, but more because he is at peace when doing something. The memory of his sister seems to haunt him whenever he doesn't do something. This makes him very lonely and sad.

He appears to be cold and aloof so some call him arrogant, but he has a warm heart and tries to help those less fortunate than himself.

He envies Ellysia who moves from one romance to another like courier that moves from one horse to another. He admires Aria whom he considers to be one of the most noble and talented knights that he has ever met.

He has a tendency to handle every buisness opertunity like an officer handeling a combat situation, sometimes the tools he learned by the Ó'chón'cár’raín weapon master just don't apply to the situation at hand and he would have made costly mistakes, but Aria has always been there to correct him so far.

He likes to sing and play the violin on the rare occation when he has some quiet moments and doesn't sink into sadness and melancoly. He is ok with the violin and there are even a few songs that he is quite good with, but his singing is absolutely horrible.

When he is singing Ellysia and Aria frequently bet on how many tones he actually hits. Personally he doesn't think he is that bad, but he knows that his sister was the only person that ever liked him singing, and he is starting to suspect that she only pretended to like it.  You're listing here. Writing lists is one of the things we do try to warn people against since it makes the CD a little boring to read. You're going "trait, explanation, hard return" and then rinse and repeat. That's really not the best way to go about it.

Strengths:

Half Eophyrim
He learned a lot about he Eophyrmim way of life and their custums from his mother when he was a child. He lived in the Palelon forest for a while and made a few acquaintances and a friend or two there while he stayd there. He left on good terms so he is welcome there and he knows his way around.  

Weapon Skills
He is exceptionally tallented with his chosen weapons and style. He has talent with the double bladed axe as well but can't use it since he never got any training with it.Okay, let me get this part straight. You've got talent but since you've never used it.. that makes no sense. I realize we ask you to be all-knowing, but this is ridiculous. Patently ridiculous.  He has been trained by comon soldiers and their kids for roughly the equivalent of 3-4 human years and by a true master for the equivalent of 6 human years. When considering his short ammount of training his skills can indeed be said to be a very exceptional sight.  

Azalahn is leading with a bastard sword in his left hand and scimitar in the right.I've told you about bastard swords. If you're going to use one, just use the one. Otherwise you can't take advantage of it's design. His fighting style is fast furious and aggressive. A whirlwind of fast thrusts slashes and blows from various angles combined with a heavy blow or kick every now and then,Hold on. Now, go find yourself two broomsticks. Swing them around at a tree or something. As fast as you can. See if you don't get tired out. You've supposedly been trained by soldiers instead of swordmasters so you should know that it's not about speed or force with a weapon like a broadsword. You keep your head and you don't put your guard down. The way you're describing you really should have taken a pointy piece of metal to something vital a very long time ago. The other thing is that if someone blocks you when you're doing your little maelstrom of steel routine you are going to feel it. I can't expect you have an exceptionally good grip on either of those weapons if you're swinging them around like that. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, if you hit something and it doesn't move, the energy has to travel the other direction (opposite to the direction it was going) which is to say back at you. If you stop the momentum it will tire you out faster. Stick to one sword and none of this super fast attacking stuff. It really doesn't work. really and they keep coming. His extreme strenght enables him to vield the heavy bastard sword with far greater speed than this weapon is normally seen with, this has been a nasty suprise for more than one opponent. He is not above using dirty tricks like kicking dirt and small stones at his opponent to gain the upper hand by removing their focus for half a second or using poison on his weapons. He relies on his armor to absorb most strikes made against him with light weapons and concentrates on his own deadly rain of blows, and his spiked ironclad boots can easily break a man’s shin or knee cap. His combat style is a difficult and time consuming combination to master, and there are few true masters who teach it. Some lesser fighters might consider it flashy, but there is nothing flashy about it, every technique and combination has it's purpuse.

What makes this style so difficult to master and the true masters quite rare is that the bastard sword is not vielded like a bastard sword normally is, but more like a something inbetween the bastard and longsword, not as fast as the longsword, but faster than the bastard and with the same reach and weight. This requires an enormous strenght and vastly reduces the number of people who can ever achieve mastery with this style even if they train for hundreds of years. So most of the masters who teach this style are exceptonal masters who have somehow been able to learn all the principles and usages of a weapon style they can't use themself.I've already told you that your size and by extension your strength, will have killed you already so this is going to need work. What you need to know is that it won't matter how hard or fast you swing the sword if you can't aim. It's not a style so much as a brute application of strength as far as I can tell. What you're describing here is some really big guy with what might as well be a lead pipe swinging it at someone until they fall over. You don't need a sword for that.

To the trained eye it is clear both that he has talent, considerable training and that he has not been trained by just anyone, but by one of the true masters. However it is also clear that he is young inexperienced and would be well advised to go back and spend another decade or two with his master. He will only use the most advanced combinations and moves against clearly inferior opponents, where he has the time to pause and think for a second or two every now and then. The reason is that he knows he is still a young man and there are some techniques that still require him to focus on the execution of the technique itself rather than on the opponent, so trying to use them against a highly skilled opponent would be a waste at best and suicide at worst. He had a friend that was a lord's son and he got his training from the weaponmaster at his friend's house.
The elves don't have lords, Injerin or Eyophirim. Nor do they associate or live close enough to those who do.
Tavern
He has purchased a building that he has turned into a tavern. The building also has cellar and a second floor. The cellar is used for storage and the 2'nd floor is used as living quarters for Azalahn and his staff, especially the cook and waiter.
I thought he ran an inn (see the overview). The difference being that one has lodgings for patrons and a tavern does not. Clearing that up would be a good idea.

I've stopped here, simply because this is going to require more than breaking down the problems with each individual strength, to say nothing of balance.
Weapons and armor:

A full suit of chainmail with a breastplate and pair of gauntlets.
The chainmail if of very high quality and made by a mastersmith. It once offered the absolute best protection that a steel chainmail could, but a few rings have been broken and replaced over the time. It is still of very high quality but if carefully inspected one can find a relative weak spot on outside of the right theigh and upper left arm. There is nothing wrong with it on these areas but the reapairs have not been made with the same superior craft as the mail was originally made with.

A Kurakim forged breastplate. This breastplate is the pinacle of modern armortechnology, in order for any armor to provide better protection one of 2 things would be required, Magic or Mitril. Simply put this steel breastplate is as good as they come. It has a poem engraved in ancient Styrash covering the whole left side of the front plate and the face of a very beautyfull elfmad covering the hearth.  

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  

Avá has dreamed our bodies apart.
Our soul and spirit to be shredded in two.
But two parts of the one whole.

To suffer.
To bleed and weaken.
To look into the abyss

One can not exist without the other
Together we triumph
Or together we sink into the abyss
 
Separated by thousands of miles
By hundreds of years
Our souls will always be one

Be it in life or be it in death
One day we will reunite
We will be one again

Even in separation.
Your hearth will be with me.
And my hearth will be with you .

Our hearths will guide us together again
They will heal our wounds
And sooth our pain.

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  

A pair of gauntlets. These gauntlets are rather mundane and the craftmanship is clearly inferrior to that of the breastplate and chainmail, but they are kept in perfect condition and they offer the protection they are supposed to.

Bastard sword and scimitar.
The bastard sword is custom made for him and his style. Due to his hight it is considerably longer than a normal bastard sword. It is single edged and slightly curved, but still straight enough not to hinder it's effectiveness as a thrusting weapon. The curved single edge saves some metal and makes it lighter, and faster. Just like the chain mail it is made by a mastersmith. This is perfect for his fighting style and makes him able to vield it with suprising speed. The pomel and guard have been ingraved with beautifull works of art.

The scimitar is also custum made for his size and just like the bastardsword it is made by a mastersmith. It is perfectly curved and ballanced, the edge is razorsharp. The pomel and guard have been ingraved with beautifull works of art just like the bastard sword.

A ring that identifies him as a lieutenant of house Ó'chón'cár’raín. This ring gives him all the benefits a minor nobleman is entitled to by the power of his noble birth alone. In a foreign land this is not much, but he will not be conscripted into the army and has the right to a somewhat fair trial etc. The ring was given to him from his friend's father when he left thier homeland.

Eophyrim hunting dog: When traveling the dog can hunt for him. This enables him to live of the land while traveling light and fast, also the dogs mentality requirering constant attention helps distract his othervise tortured soul a bit.

Big strong man.
Extremely strong. He easily lifts a box that 2 average men would have a hard time lifing together. Where 2 men would normally be required to lift one barrel from a wagon Azalahn just takes one under each arm and caries them.

Partial education
The only two classes that he actually passed at the mage academy back home were literacy and basic aritmic. Being able to read and count has been a help for him when he was taken in by house Ó'chón'cár’raín where he got his education. Much of the theory that indeed covered everything he needed to lead a small unit into battle, and some aspects of larger units, like a thing or two about logistics, that would help in the transition from lieutenant to captain was writen in books his master made him read. However he never learned the rest of the stuff a young nobleman would be expected to know. Knowing how to use the terrain and pick the battlefield or guessing where an enemy would pick his has been a great help for him when he was a mercenary lieutenant working as a caravan guard. Today all the strictly combat related theory is of little use for him, but he will pick up his notebook every now and then to refresh the "academic and scholarly" education he got, to permanently forget about it would be to dishonor both his master and the lord.

He is a bright young man with an intuitive sense for good or bad deals.
When looking at a contract it might be good or bad, but sometimes he gets this feeling that it is quite the opposite of what it looks like at the moment. It is by no means any guarantee and has been wrong more than once so it would indeed be stupid to follow it blindly but it is usually a good hint, which has been right more often than wrong. He is also bright enough to utilize the logistic part of his education to the fullest and if born into a different family then he would have the brains to advance high in the military ranks with time. Restocking the cellar in a more efficient way simply saves an hour of work or two and knowing what job to assign to whom and what job should not be messed with by whom helps cut losses/expences and generate more profit.  

Half Injerin
He grew up in the shaded forest and Styrash is his mother tongue, he spent many years at the magic academy and in the end he was taken in by a lord who provided him with his military tutoring. He knows the Injerin lands and culture just as well as a native Injerin. He is perfectly fluent in the Styrash language, knows the slang, accent and slight variations and can distinguish between 3 groups based on the language alone: Injerin, Eophyrim and everyone else. He can even be said to be an educated man. His command of the Styrash language is like that of someone who has both spent years in a magic academy in Elin’dor and been tutored in the arts of war by one of the elven masters.

Poison and a few othe tricks.
During his stay in the Palelon forest he was apprenticed as a hunter. During the 6 years he lived there it became evident that he was not destined to become a hunter. One of the few things he learned was to mix the poison they put on their weapons. Another thing he learned was how to set up a snare to catch hares and other animals of similar size.

Weaknesses
Low self esteem, except as a military officer.
In many situations when he gets a good idea then he will hesitate to act upon it. He has a tendency to follow the suggestions that others make even if their ideas are inferrior to what he has in mind. As an officer he has proved himself again and again and has won the respect as a leader from people he considers to be smart and he also knows he has been tutored by one of the best, so this is an exception.

Low Stamina.
Most of his strength is dynamic and explosive in fact his stamina is rather low. He can't track an animal or work in the field for a whole day. In the end the animal would get away and in the field he would would get considerably less work done than the average man.

Big and heavy:
He is big and heavy so stealth is not one of his strong sides, he will crush something under his feet that a lighter man won’t, so every now and then he will make noise in a forest and other places even when following the exact footsteps of a guide and that’s enough to alert a potential enemy/diner to his presence.
A horse will tire easily when carrying this giant of an elf. If the average rider is 1 Pygge, 6 Hebs. then we are talking about 2 Pygges, 4 Hebs extra load for the horse. He will not fit anything that is not custom made for his size. A standard human weapon just looks like it lacks a good part of it's size when he wields it so even weapons should be custom made if they are to be used to their full effect. He eats and drinks 3 times as much as a normal man (and pays accordingly)

Powerful enemies
He has enemies among the elven nobles that want him dead, this is somewhat offset by having some friends there as well, but their ability/will to assist/protect him does not really match his enemies ability to hurt him. He has to stay out of sight, if he should draw too much attention to himself and someone back home would learn his whereabouts then a poisoned dagger would soon find its way into his back.

Poor Tharian and a stranger.
He has only been here for a short amount of time so his comprehension of the language is vague at best He can bark orders at soldiers, order a room and food, and tell a customer the price of a beer and say a few other simple things. But that's about it. Any kind of deeper conversation like explaining why a seemingly good deal is really a bad one would be too complex. His understanding of humans and the cullture here in Carmalad or any other human town is also very limited.

He is a lonely and miserable man
He has lost his soul mate, he constantly worries about her and he misses her more than words can describe, He has fealt the sting of a poisoned arrow breaking the rings of his mail and piercing itself deep into his arm and scraping his bone and the extreme agony when physician cleans the wound, he has felt the agony of an axe cuting trough his mail and leaving a deep wound in his leg. He has not wellcomed the pain but nothing has ever come close to the emotional agony he constantly caries around with him. Several times he has thought about taking his chances and go back to her. If he goes back then at least he will be able to see her one last time and death would be better than 400 years without her. So far his companions have always managed to talk some sense back into him, or so they think. You will not find a single day where she is not in his mind. His only true goal in life is finding a way to be reunited with her and he spends a lot of time thinking about it.
This leaves him both emotionally and mentally drained, he is frequently tired and just doesn’t seem to have the energy a young man should have but more like what one would expect of an elderly gentleman preparing to hand the farm, business whatever over to his oldest son within a few years.

Physically exhausted much of the time
This emotional and mental drain drives him into always seeking something to do either work or training, because physical exercise and hard labor is the only way he can find peace although only for a limited amount of time then physical exhaustion will force him back to reality, the longest escape he gets is if he passes out during his training, many times he will knowingly seek to reach this point and sometimes he succeeds. It is not that rare for the staff to find Azalahn lying on the floor in full armor still holding his swords and snoring loudly when they come to work in the morning. This causes him to be physically exhausted much of the time. But at least he gets a good night’s sleep and has a clear head when he wakes up after passing out. He passes out roughly 2-3 times a month.

Pays no attention to his suroundings.
Being haunted by memories and images it is safe to say that his attention to his surroundings is low, and it is entirely nonexistent during a particularly clear image or memory, so he is not the man you would put to keep any eye on anything.

Alcohol Problem.
He is a miserable and unhappy man, so he drowns his sorrows in a bottle every now and then when life becomes too much to bear. This leaves him vulnerable to all kinds of mistakes that drunken people do, ranging from being rude towards a customer, to stopping a well dressed elven woman on the streets who just looked like his sister. So far this hasn't resulted in any word getting back home, but he has most likely tried spending a night or two in jail. At the very least he won't get much work done the day after, and his taste for the drow wine can make things quite expensive.

Perceived arrogance:
He is constantly tired, he is physically exhausted and his social skills were already very limited so his interaction with people is kept at a minimum. He doesn’t have the time/energy to sit down and have a drink with people, stay and chat for a while. But he has time to dress up and dance with his swords alone for hours and he drinks a whole lot just not with the people in the neighborhood (he drinks alone) People don't know the real story and he would never ever tell them, so they just think that he believes he is better than they are and they are not really worth his time. He is always wearing this expensive but old silk tunic and if someone spills something on it his eyes almost explode in anger, it is a controlled anger but it is clearly there. Does he think that old tunic is some kind of a sacred garment or something? To Azalahn it probably is. He also still keeps that old warhorse. It is like he is trying to flaunt some nobility/wealth that really isn't there.

Code of Honor
He has been heavily influenced by house Ó'chón'cár’raín and has taken their code of honor to himself. He is not a military officer anymore. He has been in many battles, involving platoon sized and smaller units, but the only time he has seen anything that can be compared to actual war was when he lived as a mercenary, but he still lives by this code. These days the military unit means his staff.

The unit is a family and the officer is the father.
We never ever leave a man behind. We don’t take any chances with the life of any man unless there is absolutely no other choice; any potential gain by a sucessfull gamble with a family members life is not a limit on our choices. The wellbeing of the conscripted footman is just as important as that of the officer. This extends to even sparing the life and giving a last chance, (but only one) to traitors that originally truly belonged to the unit.

We are the mirror immage of honor.
In our dealings with others, including war and combat we shall bestow honor upon those that show it and we shall treat those with the outmost lack of honor worse than the animals who are indeed their superiors. Any prisoner shall be treated according to the honor of his commanding officer unless we know the prisoners personal honor. We shall sing about about the heroic deeds of the foe who lived and died with honor, but we shall never associate with an honorless traitor.

We are the Ránn‘s sword and armor
It is the duty of a military officer to uphold the law by assisting the authorities in any way needed or to intervene on their behalf in the case of their absence and the situation requires immediate action. We may never break the law, ignore or assist any kind of crime even against a hated enemy.

The Ránn‘s sword must be razor sharp and his armor unbreakable for all eternity.
The officer and his unit must be constantly ready for battle, their weapons and armor must be polished and sharpened. Both officer and every single man in his unit may spare no effort in developing their skills to the absolutely highest level they can possibly achieve. All equipment must be kept in perfect condition.

The Ránn’s sword is the herald of justice
The law provides limits for what is acceptable and what is not, but injustice may very well be performed within the confines of the law. An officer my never perform an action that is unjust or help anyone avoid their just punishment for vile deeds.  Before turning his back on anyone an officer must be sure or at the very least have good reason to suspect they deserve their current fate.  

When in foreign lands we are guests.
Their ways will be different from ours. What we consider justice they might consider injustice or the other way around. A guest does not tell the master how to run his house. They respect the way we run our land or stay out of it and thus we should respect the way they run theirs or stay out. What they consider justice is justice and what they consider injustice is injustice in their lands.

Over all, I can't tell whether or not you are balanced for two reasons. You go into too much depth with some things but you've left off that level of detail with others. Secondly, the sheer number of strengths and weaknesses is obscene. Cut back. I think I mentioned earlier not to go over seven. We don't ask you to count every little thing and remember the number of strengths or weaknesses does not matter to balance. Mods decide that.

History

In short:
He is the youngest son of an Eophyrim AvaDark Elves are called dark elves in part because they worship Ava's opposite, the Yin to her Yang so to speak, Coor the god of destruction. priestess and an elf lord; his grandfather had ambitions about the arch mage position. He is forced to spend all his childhood at a mage academy with no hope of any future. He makes friends with a high-ranking military officer's kids and gets his weapon training at their house. Has a romantic relationship with his twin sister and is forced to leave the city. He travels to his mother's homeland, stays there for a while, but leaves again. He spends some time as a mercenary and finally he settles down as a tavern owner in a big human city.

Important persons in his life:
Mother who he didn't see much after being sent away to the mage academy
Oldest brother who cared for him but was too afraid of the father to actually be there for him.
Twin sister who he had a romantic relationship with.
Father of his childhood friends and high ranking military officer who secretly would like to make Azalahn his son in law.  

How his Parents met.
The priestess of Ava and her friend were in trouble. They had ventured out of the forest; they had gotten into a confrontation with a human knight and his men. The confrontation had ended in violence and the death of the knight and one of his men. The 2 others had fled, they had killed one of them, but the last one had escaped. It had been self defense, but who would believe a pair of Eophyrims? And the death of the fleeing man had definitely not been self-defense in human eyes. Even if they got lucky with the story about the first two deaths then the last one would surely be considered cold blooded murder.

The military encampment was between them and the forest and there was nowhere to hide. There was only one solution, they had to flee north. The priestess thought that perhaps this was a sign from the goddess that it was time to leave her people and openly worship the goddess.

The traveled to many places but didn't find any place where they felt truly welcome. One night they heard the sound of battle and magical explosions, they went to investigate. They saw a trio of elves battling several orcs. It was clear that the elves were fighting a brave but hopeless battle, the elves were good and able to hold against 7 orcs, but they were on the defensive and eventually they would tire and then the orcs would finish them off. They joined the battle and saved the day.

The elven leader was the son of a nobleman and they were on their way to the human capital in the south of the continent, he offered to hire them as bodyguards for the journey. They were nervous about going back south, but agreed to it, these elves were the first persons they had encountered without any obvious prejudice.

They traveled south stayed there for a month and then they had to go to another island so the journey became quite long. During this time the relationship started to evolve into a romance. He was a younger son so he was free to do pretty much what he wanted and to marry whoever he wanted.

Eventually they returned to his homeland and after some time they got married, had kids and lived happily for some years. At first the father objected to the marriage, but the older brother talked the father into accepting it.
They lived happily for some years. After some time people got used to the lord's son being married to a dark elf and there could be no doubt that her magic was from Ava so at last she could say that she had found a new home.

The father's change in personality
The older brother was killed in battle with the orcs. Her husband was devastated; he had not lonely lost his brother, but also his best friend and greatest idol. He was now the heir to the family holdings and could no longer live the happy carefree life he was used to.

The old lord ordered his father to quit the adventuring life and resume the magical study that was the family tradition. During the first years there wasn't much change, he was just a bit more tired. But as the years passed the priestess watched the soul of her husband wither and die, he was no longer the loving and carefree man she had fallen in love with.

The old arch mage died and the lord's name didn't even show up on the list of potential successors. This turned things much worse he was determined that if he was not destined to become the arch mage then his son would become one. From now on there was only study from early morning to late evening.

As more time passed the priestess spent more and more time in the temple. In her hearth she was a widow, the man she loved had been consumed by the family ambition. she was now married to an empty shell that was just a memory of her husband. She became pregnant again and gave birth to twins.

Early Childhood.
The old lord died shortly after the birth, but her husband's soul had withered beyond any hope of restoration. The kids brought some measurement of happiness to her, but she worried about the daughter who showed an extreme talent for magic, but was always following the brother around.

The father wasn't happy with the youngest son at all. He used to say: "That you don't show any talent for magic is because you always waste your time in the barracks with the brutes and their equally brutish offspring" The were harsh and hurt, but they were not entirely wrong. Azalahn was like the son of a soldier, he spent his days hanging out around the baracs playing with weapons. Every now and then some of the soldiers would teach the kids a move or two. With weapons Azalahn was a fast learner so he had the basics at an early age, but spending all his time around the baracs didn't help him develop any kind of magical aptitude.

The two older sons tended to side with the father and called Azalahn stupid, however only the second brother truly meant it. When they were alone the oldest brother was quite different, he encouraged Azalahn to become the best swordfighter he possibly could and told him stories about his early and happier childhood when their father was a totally different man.

The twins were inseparable already from early childhood and the girl had a calming effect on the boy who was wild and always making trouble. In her presence he could focus somewhat on the magic studies the father insisted that they had to study already at an early age.

The Magic Academy
The time came when the twins were ready to be sent away to the magic academy at the age of 19. The days at the academy were slow and painful for Azalahn. He tried his best but it was obvious that he had no talent for magic.

The instructors beat him and the other kids called him stupid, but at least against the other kids his sister was always there defending him and as the best student in the class she was more than capable of turning the insults back. The exams came and Azalahn failed every single one of them except for one or two that were general education but had nothing to do with magic. He had to take the classes again, but failed and the third time he failed again.

The headmaster contacted his father and talked about having the kid removed from school and transferred to the military academy since he had the physique that would greatly benefit a soldier and judging from the kid always playing around with a wooden sword in his free time one could only conclude that swordplay was his true calling. His father was furious, there was nothing left of the carefree young man that had married a dark elf. Azalahn was to be in the magic academy until the day he mastered at least the 2’nd level of magic, preferably the 3’rd. If the instructors were right that the boy wasn't exactly stupid then he had to be lazy.

His father got his will and Azalahn stayed at the academy during all his childhood. It was a lonely place but his sister was always there with him. They continued to be just as inseparable as they had been during their early childhood. Indeed one could suspect that he would have committed suicide if it wasn't for her.

The years passed and Azalahn started to sneak out of the dorm, eventually he sneaked out of the school's dorm every night he could. He spent his time in the worst places of the city, picking one fight after another at least fighting was something he was good at but eventually his sister got him to stop.

After years at the academy he was still taking the introductionary classes and indeed he had only one friend Azuria Ó'chón'cár’raín, actually she had been one of the worst to pick on him during the first year when they started but with time she and his sister had become best friends and she had come to see Azalahn in a different way. Azalahn was wild and had a passion for swords just like her brother. She was the daughter of a high ranking military officer and had a brother who was both one of the best students and also one of the worst troublemakers in the military academy. Azalahn had met him often and they got very well along.

House Ó'chón'cár’raín
One day when Azalahn and his sister were over at Azuria's place she took him down to the basement of the mansion. She had a little chat with her brother who always was said to be there. He agreed to teach Azalahn some fighting tricks. This was when Azalahn was about 22 years old. Naroon was quite impressed with Azalahn and would love to have him as a sparring partner. “You can be the big and stupid ogre for now and perhaps in time we can turn you into a real fighter” he joked.

Turning Azalahn into a real fighter turned out to be easy. The weapon master came in one day they were fooling around, he stood and watched silently for a while then he intervened and said:”Young lord you are not turning him into a fighter, an extremely dangerous street thug yes, but still a street thug, he seems to have enough talent to pick up crude imitations of some advanced tricks and his great strength makes him dangerous even with a club, but he lacks the basics They had a little chat and the next week Naroon’s father told Azalahn to come up to his office. He told Azalahn that one of his instructors would teach him how to use a sword properly.

The instructors and guards at the school took pity upon the young man that was forced to be at the academy not only against his own will but more importantly with no future there so they looked the other way when he sneaked out almost every night. These were the happy years in Azalahn’s life.

His sister turned out to be exceptionally beautiful and soon became the target of many young men's romantic affection and the envy of many girls. However she wasn't interested in anyone, Azalahn was actually one of the very few people she cared to spend her free time with and he sure was the only male.

Rumors about Azalahn and his sister Illyrana being more than siblings started to circle. One day Azuria came down the basement with Illyrana and called him aside. “Everyone knows about the rumors, at first I didn't believe in them but guess what I am a woman too and I can see the love and affection in your eyes every time you look at him, what's going on?” she said looking at Illyrana. They couldn't lie to her so they had to admit that they loved each other not only as siblings but also as man and woman. “HaHaHa the coming arch mage HaHaHa is gona marry HaHaHa the ogre HaHaHa. Dad is going to get a heart attack when he hears about this HaHaHa I sure am getting one right now HaHaHa HaHaHa HaHaHa…” Naroon was lying on the floor holding his stomach and laughing out loudly. His father was indeed everything but amused when he heard about it.

Hiding
A week later he called Azalahn over. “Both you and your sister are very dear friends of my children, and I do sympathize with you, your life has been hard indeed, but there is no way that our society will accept this and although it will not be from anyone in this house then eventually the truth will be known and you will both be outcasts. I have thought things over, you will run away from school, just hang out with some foreigners for a while then leave with your belongings and nobody will look for you, those that care for you will let you leave that place of torment and those that don’t will be glad you are gone" He said

"Stay away for a few months then come here and officially you will be a stranger hired into my personal army. Unofficially you will be given the best training I can provide in secrecy and hopefully that will be enough so that you can handle yourself when the time comes that you have to leave again. You will have to stay inside most of the time and you can't really show yourself much because your size is impossible to hide unless using magic and there is a limit to the available magic especially when we talk about a mage who is sure to be silent about it and who doesn't have duties elsewhere. That's the best I can do your kid" he continued.

Azalahn did as he was told. Time passed and in the five years he spent there he became fully proficient with his chosen weapon and style. He even got the tools to eventually become a master. But the lord was right eventually people started asking questions it was time to prepare for departure.

By some strange reason Illyrana suddenly became very buisy. Azalahn knew that in terms of allowance she was probably the most spoiled student in the academy, but he also knew that she spent almost nothing. She said that she needed to get some money for a project.

Azalahn got the house smith to teach him how to make and repair mail rings, at the first few tries they broke easily, but after a week with failure he eventually got it right, however things took way too much time and it became evident that he didn't have the time to make a full armor.

In desperation he started to sew pieces of iron into a jacket. It wouldn't protect against piercing weapons, but according to his master it would protect against slashing weapons that didn't make a clean hit. Naroon laughed when he saw it and called it the ugliest armor he had ever seen and indeed worthy of an ogre. However one day a full suite of chain mail arrived for him from a temple of Ava together with a pair of beautiful swords. Azalahn was grateful. He knew it was from his mother.

Departure
On the day he had to depart Illyrana gave him a breastplate and a pair of gauntlets. “It is all I could afford and I have a feeling you will end up heading to the human lands. This is made in the same style that humans use” she said with tears streaming down her chin. Azalahn felt bad, he knew this was a lot more than she could afford and that she had to own money to probably everyone that she knew and would be indebted for years.

Naroon and Azuria came over to him with very nice warhorse. “We convinced dad that there is something wrong with this horse and he needs to get rid of it, well he wasn't hard to convince and be careful you don’t shoot yourself with the bow I know what a great archer you are, we would give you a lance as well but I wana be there and see it when a human knight throws you off the horse. Yea and buy yourself a new face you ugly ogre” Naroon jested and threw a pouch of coins at him while laughing, but the laughter was exaggerated and forced.

Azuria was quiet, she gave him a necklace “Remember me” she said and then she hurried into the mansion. The lord came out, and handed him a ring and a letter. “Well kid, I have arranged with your mother to set you up in Carmalad, if you ever are in need of anything then contact one of the people on the list and show them the ring and letter. I know a part of you wants to try your luck in your mother's homeland but I doubt you will find a permanent home there so when you decide you need to move on then try Voldar” he said. Azalahn departed the city at the age of 34

Azalahn noticed that someone was shadowing him on his way out of town, shortly before the city gates he stopped and confronted the shadowy figure. It was his oldest brother. His brother had no love for his position in the mage guild and indeed he cared for Azalahn whom he still considered his brother even though his father had told them not to see him. He handed Azalahn a couple of jewels “Well the scandal suits the old tyrant and yea he must have misplaced his magic dagger somewhere so don’t ask” he said

The mother's homeland
Azalahn rode south, he got lost quite a few times and had to backtrack, eventually he came to the Paeleon forest. He was nervous about how he would be received. “Well as long as it wasn't with a poisoned arrow trough his neck then he would be all right” he told himself

He did indeed get a cold welcome but they decided to give him a chance after hearing the story about who his mother was. (He didn't tell them that she was a priestess of Ava)

Adjusting to the eophyrim ways was difficult. He knew much about their history and culture, but knowing about it was different from living it. Azalahn was only truly at home when holding a weapon in his hands. He made a few friends during the brief time he stayed there, there was even one woman he became very fund of, but he couldn't forget Illyrana.

Illyrana’s image was haunting him day and night. He was apprenticed as a hunter and with time he picked up the most basic of tracking and hunting skills but it was evident that he was not born to be a hunter so in the end he decided that he would head for the human lands at the age of 41

The mercinary life.
He traveled across the continent with no direction for a year and a half. He lived as a hunter most of the time but had enough wealth to buy food when there was no pray. In Voldar he got in contact with some mercenaries and ended up signing a contract. In the start most of the work was as caravan guards in small units. After some months he was sent to the northern fronteir as part of a full company. The war season passed, or at least the locals didn't want to pay anymore so they returned back south, split up and became caravan guards again. He hasn’t really used the contacts he got from the lord back home, except that he stored most of his valuables there when he came to town.

Azalahn and his unit ended up guarding caravans going to and from Carmalad. Azalahn had 30 warriors under his command, he divided them into 3 squads, and spent most of his time arranging jobs with for his men. One day he rescued a street kid from being bullied by some of the local ruffians, a few days later the same kid tried to pickpocket him. Azalahn decided to let the kid go, a few months later he caught the same kid again, this time Azalahn wanted to have a chat with the father so he dragged the kid across most of the town, in the end it turned out that the kid was an orphan.

One day one of the units reported back with wounded and people missing. The sergeant was proud.
Despite being ambushed and outnumbered he had secured the caravan and only suffered minor casualties. Azalahn was furious. He canceled the contract negotiations he was in the middle of, took the available men and headed out while sending a courier with orders to the last squad about joining them immediately after reaching their destination. When they reached the site of the ambush the bodies of 2 of his men were missing. Azalahn and his unit followed the trail and after a few days the last unit joined them. His platoon was divided into 2 camps. With one side he was everything but popular, this was a waste of time and money. The other side admired him for caring about 2 missing men. In the end the scout found the highway men's hideout. The knight and the dandy were held prisoners, most likely for ransom. The camp was raided and burned down, and most of the highway men were captured or killed. Both prisoners were severely wounded. The young boy died a few days later. The knight Aria could be moved after a week. When they came back to town Azalahn spent most of their profit on medical care for Knight Aria.

There was an old woman living on a farm just outside town, her husband had passed away a few years earlier, bad luck with the harvest had pushed one of their sons into seeking fame and glory as a mercenary but instead he had found death in a foreign land. Their other son had died from disease and she had never given birth to another child. Azalahn used to help her out every now and then. People said she was a witch practicing evil magic and that she had murdered her husband and son as  part of a demonic deal. Indeed the old crone looked a bit scary, but there was nothing evil about her in fact she was a kind old lady. Azalahn parked his horse and stayd at her farm when he was in town. In the spring he brought her seeds and in the late summer he helped her with the harvest. He liked working the land.

There were some of the other mercenaries that talked about getting their own tavern and quit the mercenary work, after some time Azalahn got hooked on the idea. The contract they had signed on for came to an end, some of them had been there for many years, but Azalahn had only signed on for 2 years. The payout was poor indeed. Some of them let out comments about Azalahn being better off as a beggar if he ever wanted to get out of dept for his armor. Actually Azalahn didn't think the pay was that bad, but he had signed on as a lieutenant, leadership had come naturally to him in fact this was easier than the theories his master had made him study and thus he got an officer’s salary.

The tavern
About a year ago when Azalahn was 44 the old woman died and she had made Azalahn the heir to all her property since she had no family to pas it on to and he was the only one that she knew. Azalahn was grateful but he had a problem, that turned out to put an end to his newborn farming ambition. The only things he knew about farming was the name of the seeds he used to bring and that they were supposed to be harvested in the late summer. He thought about selling it but he didn't like that idea because in his head that would be the same as selling the kindness of the old lady. He squandered a few days away pondering what to do. In the end he decided to do nothing, about the farm but to go for it with the tavern and buy what was left of a small bar and warehouse, in what was supposed to be a bad neighborhood. It was obvious who the front of the local street gang was, but Azalahn was worried. What if this was only the enforcer of this area but part of a much larger and more powerful organization. Azalahn went looking for the little kid he had caught some time ago. This was just like a war he taught, and the two most important things to obtain victory were information about the enemy and an army strong enough to actually beat him. He didn’t have an army but he had some ideas and first things first.

He got the kid to hire some other kids and gather information for him. It turned out that the local gang didn’t have any true allies but only some live and let live agreements with other gangs, and they were only about 10 members, but one of them was a former assassin although never a good one. Azalahn contacted some of the mercenaries from his former unit. 3 of them ended up joining him. Thorgrim Blackbeard a dwarven veteran who wanted to retire to the quiet life, Ellysia Ilaról‘miés'efér the elven scout who had become quite disillusioned with mercenary life and lastly Aria the Serphelorian Knight, whose respect Azalahn had won.

Azalahn opened the tavern and the gang made things really tough. Azalahn had intended to wait a few years before getting rid of them, but both Aria and Thorgrim insisted on doing something about it right away and they were both more than ready to chop of a head or two. In the end Azalahn got them to at least let him try to do it his way first. He had Azuria talk with the officials and get him permission to clean the streets by whatever method he found nesacary as long as it didn't cause any disturbance across the rest of the city. Human officials were indeed strange they took payment for allowing people to help them, Azuria called it bribery. It wasn't expensive since everyone would like to get rid of them. Azalahn paid the Eophyrim to take out the assassin and abduct the little guy who was supposed to be the gang’s only brain. Most people would be glad to get rid of them, but it was still killing and abduction so it would be best to have outsiders do it just in case. Azalahn had Aria beat the leader up and break some bones, the rest was easy.

After cleaning up the streets business has dramatically improved, it is now a flourishing Tavern. Thorgrim stands in the bar and tells old war stories and he doesn’t believe that Azalahn’s breastplate is made by elves, but claims it has to be made by dwarfs. Ellysia is the waiter and Aria is the bouncer, well occasionally there is a big fight and Azalahn has to assist her, but he normally lets her handle things alone since he knows she likes being the strong one who doesn’t need help from any man. Azalahn has hired an extra waiter and has the street kid running errands for them, sharing gosip about the competition and general activety on the street that might be of importance to know. In exchange the kid has been promised a free meal every day. Usually it ends up with 3 meals a day and a place to sleep for nothing.

Weapons:
Bastard sword, Scimitar, Chain Mail (Gifts from his mother), Pair of gauntlets (Gift from his sister), Bow, Kurakim Breast Plate (Gift from his sister)

Belongings:
Black Silk tunic made of the best materials money can buy, but really low quality tailoring. The tunic is his most highly prized possession. A jeweled ring that marks him as a lieutenant of house ó'chón'cár’raín, Silver necklace with the ó'chón'cár’raín house emblem carved into a sahpire. He also has a necklace with the house insignia of house Dél’Raguierá, but he hasn't worn it since he left his homeland. A textbook or two for students starting at a magic academy. A book about military theory, formations and tactics (His notebook from when he was tutored in house ó'chón'cár’raín). Pair of Jeweled daggers, tavern, Farm and a some cash

Familiars:
Azalahn got it as a pup shortly after he came to the Paelelon forrest. The other hunters he worked with helped him train it so today it can be said to be a fully trained hunting hound. He kept it as a pet during the lonly days after he left the forrest. It has the mind of the typichal hunting dog though and requires constant attention. The dog is pitch black and rather big for it's race.

Heavy war horse. The horse was in it's prime when Azalahn got it 9 years ago when he left home. It is now rather old and would not be well suited to carry the giant Azalahn in full armor for hours and then into battle. Luckily it dosn't have to. It used to have a nasty temper but with age it has calmed down and these days it is usually a very calm horse but it won't let anyone except for Azalahn ride it. The horse is a jet black mare.
  
Companions/Staf.
Thorgrim Blackbeard: He is the cook and bartender. He makes a great stew and knows an almost infinite ammount of old warstories.
...

Aria the Serphelorian knight: Azalahn and his code of honor saved her life, his loyalty and battleproves can't be questioned so she will follow him to the end of the world. She is bounser and helps out in the kitchen every now and then. She is not of noble birth and doesn't have a full suit of plate armor, but she was with the heavy cavalry and has a noble soul.
...

Ellysia the mage scout. She is the beautifull and charming waitress, likes to flirt with the customers, but always armed with a pair of knives and half a dozen other consealed weapons if Azalahns suspicions are correct.
...

William the street kid.
William is a young boy of 10 years. He is small and skinny but very bright and he is fast. His father was murdered only a few years after his birth. His mother could not support the family and died from a combination of disease and malnutrition when he was 5. His uncle took him and his sister in but treated them as slaves, his sister died from the beatings when he was 7 then he stole what he could and ran as far away as he could and ended up in this town and lived as a pickpocket until the day Azalahn hired him to gather information.
Since the death of his mother Azalahn and his staf are the only ones that have ever shown him any kindness. He is a bit scared of both Azalahn and Aria. He has seen what the giantess and the lumbering hulk can do, but he also knows they would never hurt him. He dreams about becoming an unbeatable master of every weapon like them when he grows up, but they always tell him to go out to the farm and practice with the bow they gave him. He is almost as good as Azalahn with the bow so he must be close to mastery but they want him to be even better and it is always Azuria that instructs him, damn grown ups. (Azalahn would love to teach him but he knows the boy will never develop even half the strength required to vield the bastard sword like his style requires)

I'm a fan of conciseness so I'm biased here. You've put too much information. Detail that could have been better spent elsewhere becomes a flood of white noise that isn't of any good to anyone.

I've skipped most of your CD because I'm not a very patient person. The story mods who may eventually read the approved version of a CD might not be patient people either. Detail is good, but too much of a good thing is always waste. The same goes for other players, so don't complain if they can't be bothered to read how precisely you're going to kick their butts and ignore your strength altogether.

For a tavern owner you go into quite unneeded detail for descriptions about your weapons and similar. Here is the important part. Few of the stories ever get into any serious fighting or any fighting at all. You'll rarely have a chance to kill an NPC and you can't do more than wound other players (see the rules) so it's a bit of a waste to describe all of that (wrong though it is) in any case.

Your spelling needs work. We have a spell checker on the site, use it please. Firefox flagged quite a few of your mistakes for me on my way through but I'm not here to correct all the little mistakes in this obelisk of words.

Whittle this down and you might have something worth reading, but until then quite a bit of it is uninteresting white noise. Too much detail is just as bad as too little.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 04, 2010, 04:10:05 AM
Name:
Azalahn Dél’Raguierá

Gender:
Male

Age:
45  

Race:
Elf
 
Tribe:
Eophyrim/InjerinSo, we get to blows here first. Injerin live in Northern Sarvonia as I'm sure you're well aware (you've looked at the maps after all). The Eophyrim live in Santharia, in the Paeleon (I'm sure you're also aware of this, you look like you've done your research). What you might have missed is the fact that they're different kinds of elves. As a rule, Dark Elves don't get along with other sorts of elves. The Injerin outright hate their Dark Elves, the Diorye'oleal and they're downright peaceful for the most part. So, without having looked at your history I'll assume you've explained how your parents manged to meet and not kill each other with good reasons (meaning without resorting to "because they did").
Yes I explained it in the history, but if it needs change then I have no problem with say

Occupation:
Owns an inn/tavern that he runs with some members of his former mercenary platoon.
 
Title.
Dance of sorrow.
Don't really need the explanation up here.
Removed

Portrait
None yet.

Overview
He is a complete failure as a mage and his father is ashamed of his very existence. He was always compared to his extremely intelligent and magically gifted sister. As a result he has low self-esteem, is rather quiet and not good in social situations. He has a passion for swordplay; he is unusually gifted with swords and got a considerable amount of training at a friend's house. His unusually close relationship with his sister evolved into a romantic relationship and he had to leave home.  He left home with equipment fitting a nobleman, but he doesn't have the continual income of the nobility. He lived in his mother's homeland for a few years, then lived as a mercenary for 2 years and finally settled in Carmalad where he runs an inn/tavern with some former mercenary companions.

This seems mostly personality section and not really an overview. I'm no expert on them, but the overview is supposed to cover the character as a whole, and you haven't done that here. Remember it is an optional section so if you run into too much trouble you can always avoid writing it.
OK now it should cover his history, personality and occupation.

Appearance.
Height: 2 Pends, 1 Fore, 2 Palmspans.

This is unusually tall for either of your tribes. For reference you're topping out at more than 8 feet tall. You'll want to cut down on that a little I think.  

Yes you are right he is unusually tall, but he is not supernaturally tall. If human he would be 2 meters and 15 cm. Like the tallest group of basket ball players. Then I adjusted his height to a race with an average of 2 meters, assuming the relative deviations in height are the same for humans and elves. But now I have cut him 10 cm in height.

Weight 4 Pygges plus/minus 2 ods.
You weigh over 400 pounds. This is also a little on the heavy side, even taking your prodigious size into account. At this point you should be buried six feet underground, given your size and weight. The spine, human or elven is not designed to support much weight and would eventually break. Giants die young.

Hmm. Well I just don't get it. I actually did some research on this one, and Jay Cutler is 2 Pygges, 8 Hebs. and average human height. So I adjusted that weight to 2 Peds, 1 Fore, 1 Palmspan, 7 Nailsbreadths, 3 Grains, and ended up with 6 Pygges, 3 Hebs.. Elves are not as heavily built as humans and he is not a pro body builder so I cut him down to 4 pygges.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay_Cutler_%28bodybuilder%29

Hair Color: Jet Black

Eye Colour: Amber with light sparkles

Physical appearance:
Azalahn is a giant of an elf. He is broad shouldered and very fit, with sinuous muscle rippling under a thin layer of skin like the Eophyrim, but his skin is fair like the Injerin. High and defined cheekbones like the Injerin. His face is beautiful with fine features, almost but not entirely to the point of being feminine. When he looks at you it is with a painful and tortured expression. His long hair is usually tied up in a pony tail with a silver ring holding it in place.
Clothing:
When not adventuring or expecting any kind of situation that could eventually be trouble he is almost always wearing a black tunic made of the finest silk. His sister made it for him when he talked about living in their mother's homeland. He wears a pair of black leather boots with metal covering the toes. He also has a dark red cloak fringed with fur. All chains and buttons are made of silver.

This means nothing to someone who might be looking at it. Assume the person knows nothing about the style of your tribes. Odds are they won't. I don't claim to know much about the dark elves except that they wear a lot of leather and prefer silver. However, glances at your tribes clothing section tell me that it's not really consistent in what they wear so you'll want to either remove this or do a better job at describing. Remember, assume the person reading this knows nothing about your tribe. Odds are they won't.
OK rewrote it and removed the later part.
 
Personality:
Azalahn is a quiet man. He doesn't speak unless he has something important to say and he almost never smiles. He knows his father is ashamed of him and doesn't use his family name, and he considers Master Ó'chón'cár’raín to be the closest thing he ever had to a father.
He is very loyal to the few friends he has. He claims to hate people with obsessions, but it seems like he is obsessed himself, he uses almost every spare moment he has to practice weapons or doing some work in the tavern.

He is a workaholic, not so much because he feels he always has something he must do, but more because he is at peace when doing something. The memory of his sister seems to haunt him whenever he doesn't do something. This makes him very lonely and sad. He likes to play the violin or to sing on the rare occasion that he isn't at work or training and his mind is somewhat at peace. He is OK with the violin and actually good with a few songs. It would be fair to say that he has a tendency to handle every business opportunity like an officer handling a combat situation, sometimes the tools he learned by the Ó'chón'cár’raín weapon master just don't apply to the situation at hand and he would have made costly mistakes. This trait is at least partially because of his close relationship with a military officer and the education he got there during his childhood. But Aria has always been there to correct him so far.

You're listing here. Writing lists is one of the things we do try to warn people against since it makes the CD a little boring to read. You're going "trait, explanation, hard return" and then rinse and repeat. That's really not the best way to go about it.

Ok I rewrote it.

Code of honour.

The unit is a family and the officer is the father.
We never ever leave a man behind. We don't take any chances with the life of any man unless there is absolutely no other choice; any potential gain by a successful gamble with a family members life is not a limit on our choices. The wellbeing of the conscripted footman is just as important as that of the officer. This extends to even sparing the life and giving a last chance, (but only one) to traitors that originally truly belonged to the unit.

We are the mirror image of honor.
In our dealings with others, including war and combat we shall bestow honor upon those that show it and we shall treat those with the outmost lack of honor worse than the animals who are indeed their superiors. Any prisoner shall be treated according to the honor of his commanding officer unless we know the prisoners personal honor. We shall sing about about the heroic deeds of the foe who lived and died with honor, but we shall never associate with an honorless traitor.

We are the Ránn‘s sword and armor
It is the duty of a military officer to uphold the law by assisting the authorities in any way needed or to intervene on their behalf in the case of their absence and the situation requires immediate action. We may never break the law, ignore or assist any kind of crime even against a hated enemy.

The Ránn‘s sword must be razor sharp and his armor unbreakable for all eternity.
The officer and his unit must be constantly ready for battle, their weapons and armor must be polished and sharpened. Both officer and every single man in his unit may spare no effort in developing their skills to the absolutely highest level they can possibly achieve. All equipment must be kept in perfect condition.

The Ránn’s sword is the herald of justice
The law provides limits for what is acceptable and what is not, but injustice may very well be performed within the confines of the law. An officer my never perform an action that is unjust or help anyone avoid their just punishment for vile deeds.  Before turning his back on anyone an officer must be sure or at the very least have good reason to suspect they deserve their current fate.  

When in foreign lands we are guests.
Their ways will be different from ours. What we consider justice they might consider injustice or the other way around. A guest does not tell the master how to run his house. They respect the way we run our land or stay out of it and thus we should respect the way they run theirs or stay out. What they consider justice is justice and what they consider injustice is injustice in their lands.

Strengths:

Half Eophyrim
He learned a lot about the Eophyrmim way of life and their customs from his mother when he was a child. He lived in the Palelon forest for a while and made a few acquaintances and a friend or two there while he stayed there. He left on good terms so he is welcome there and he knows his way around.  

Weapon Skills
He is exceptionally talented with his chosen weapons and style (Katana and Wakizashi). He has been trained by common soldiers and their kids for roughly the equivalent of 3-4 human years and by a true sword master for the equivalent of 6 human years. When considering his short amount of training his skills can indeed be said to be a very exceptional sight.  
To the trained eye it is clear both that he has talent, considerable training and that he has not been trained by just anyone, but by a true master. However it is also clear that he is young inexperienced and would be well advised to go back and spend another decade or two with his master. He will only use the most advanced combinations and moves against clearly inferior opponents, where he has the time to pause and think for a second or two every now and then. The reason is that he knows he is still a young man and there are some techniques that still require him to focus on the execution of the technique itself rather than on the opponent, so trying to use them against a highly skilled opponent would be a waste at best and suicide at worst. He had a friend that was an officer's son and he got his training from the weapon master at his friend's house.

Hold on. Now, go find yourself two broomsticks. Swing them around at a tree or something. As fast as you can. See if you don't get tired out. You've supposedly been trained by soldiers instead of swordmasters so you should know that it's not about speed or force with a weapon like a broadsword. You keep your head and you don't put your guard down. The way you're describing you really should have taken a pointy piece of metal to something vital a very long time ago. The other thing is that if someone blocks you when you're doing your little maelstrom of steel routine you are going to feel it. I can't expect you have an exceptionally good grip on either of those weapons if you're swinging them around like that. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, if you hit something and it doesn't move, the energy has to travel the other direction (opposite to the direction it was going) which is to say back at you. If you stop the momentum it will tire you out faster. Stick to one sword and none of this super fast attacking stuff. It really doesn't work.

Ok I am not going to bother hitting a tree the way you talk about. Lol I bet I would hurt my wrists if I did. But I do have enough experience with both swords and staffs to know that a heavy weapon can be wielded very fast by a very strong man, and yes I can strike a solid object rapidly for several minutes without problems and that’s longer than most swordfights would last. I won’t bother getting further into a debate about martial arts and weapon principles so I just changed his weapons and didn't say a word about his fighting style.

Tavern/Inn
He has purchased a building that he has turned into a tavern. The building is big and had some extra space so he made a few rooms that he rents out to people. It gives a few extra coins but the main income is from selling food and drinks. The building also has cellar, a second floor and third floor. The cellar is used for storage and the 2'nd floor is used as living quarters for Azalahn and his staff, especially the cook and waiter.

Weapons and armor:
A full suite of chainmail with a breastplate and pair of gauntlets.
The chainmail if of very high quality and made by a master smith. It once offered the absolute best protection that a steel chainmail could, but a few rings have been broken and replaced over the time. It is still of very high quality but if carefully inspected one can find a relative weak spot on outside of the right thigh and upper left arm. There is nothing wrong with it on these areas but the repairs have not been made with the same superior craft as the mail was originally made with.

A Kurakim forged breastplate. This breastplate is the pinnacle of modern armor technology, in order for any armor to provide better protection one of 2 things would be required, Magic or Mitril. Simply put this steel breastplate is as good as they come. It has a poem engraved in ancient Styrash covering the whole left side of the front plate and the face of a very beautiful elf maid covering the hearth.  

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  
Avá has dreamed our bodies apart.
Our soul and spirit to be shredded in two.
But two parts of the one whole.

To suffer.
To bleed and weaken.
To look into the abyss

One can not exist without the other
Together we triumph
Or together we sink into the abyss
 
Separated by thousands of miles
By hundreds of years
Our souls will always be one

Be it in life or be it in death
One day we will reunite
We will be one again

Even in separation.
Your hearth will be with me.
And my hearth will be with you .

Our hearths will guide us together again
They will heal our wounds
And sooth our pain.

My one and only
My first and my last
My eternal love  

A pair of gauntlets. These gauntlets are rather mundane and the craftsmanship is clearly inferior to that of the breastplate and chainmail, but they are kept in perfect condition and they offer the protection they are supposed to.

Katana
The Katana is custom made for him and his style. Due to his height it is considerably longer than a normal Katana. Just like the chain mail it is made by a master smith.

Wakizashi
This shorter sword is also custom made for him, and it is made by a master smith just like the katana.

A ring that identifies him as a lieutenant of house Ó'chón'cár’raín. This ring gives him all the benefits a minor nobleman is entitled to by the power of his noble birth alone. In a foreign land this is not much, but he will not be conscripted into the army and has the right to a somewhat fair trial etc. The ring was given to him from his friend's father when he left their homeland.

Eophyrim hunting dog: When traveling the dog can hunt for him. This enables him to live of the land while traveling light and fast, also the dogs mentality requirering constant attention helps distract his othervise tortured soul a bit.

Big strong man.
Extremely strong. He easily lifts a box that 2 average men would have a hard time lifting together. Where 2 men would normally be required to lift one barrel from a wagon Azalahn just takes one under each arm and caries them.

Partial education
The only two classes that he actually passed at the mage academy back home were literacy and basic aritmic. Being able to read and count has been a help for him when he was taken in by house Ó'chón'cár’raín where he got his education. Much of the theory that indeed covered everything he needed to lead a small unit into battle, and some aspects of larger units, like a thing or two about logistics, that would help in the transition from lieutenant to captain was written in books his master made him read. However he never learned the rest of the stuff a young nobleman would be expected to know. Knowing how to use the terrain and pick the battlefield or guessing where an enemy would pick his has been a great help for him when he was a mercenary lieutenant working as a caravan guard. Today all the strictly combat related theory is of little use for him, but he will pick up his notebook every now and then to refresh the "academic and scholarly" education he got, to permanently forget about it would be to dishonor both his master and the lord.

He is a bright young man with an intuitive sense for good or bad deals.
When looking at a contract it might be good or bad, but sometimes he gets this feeling that it is quite the opposite of what it looks like at the moment. It is by no means any guarantee and has been wrong more than once so it would indeed be stupid to follow it blindly but it is usually a good hint, which has been right more often than wrong. He is also bright enough to utilize the logistic part of his education to the fullest and if born into a different family then he would have the brains to advance high in the military ranks with time. Restocking the cellar in a more efficient way simply saves an hour of work or two and knowing what job to assign to whom and what job should not be messed with by whom helps cut losses/expenses and generate more profit.  

Half Injerin
He grew up in the shaded forest and Styrash is his mother tongue, he spent many years at the magic academy and in the end he was taken in by a lord who provided him with his military tutoring. He knows the Injerin lands and culture just as well as a native Injerin. He is perfectly fluent in the Styrash language, knows the slang, accent and slight variations and can distinguish between 3 groups based on the language alone: Injerin, Eophyrim and everyone else. He can even be said to be an educated man. His command of the Styrash language is like that of someone who has both spent years in a magic academy in Elin’dor and been tutored in the arts of war by one of the elven masters.

Poison and a few other tricks.
During his stay in the Palelon forest he was apprenticed as a hunter. During the 6 years he lived there it became evident that he was not destined to become a hunter. One of the few things he learned was to mix the poison they put on their weapons. Another thing he learned was how to set up a snare to catch hares and other animals of similar size.

Weaknesses
Low self esteem, except as a military officer.
In many situations when he gets a good idea then he will hesitate to act upon it. He has a tendency to follow the suggestions that others make even if their ideas are inferior to what he has in mind. As an officer he has proved himself again and again and has won the respect as a leader from people he considers to be smart and he also knows he has been tutored by one of the best, so this is an exception.

Low Stamina.
Most of his strength is dynamic and explosive in fact his stamina is rather low. He can't track an animal or work in the field for a whole day. In the end the animal would get away and in the field he would would get considerably less work done than the average man. When doing any kind of work where his high strength can't compensate for his lack of stamina then he will indeed be bad at it.

Big and heavy:
He is big and heavy so stealth is not one of his strong sides, he will crush something under his feet that a lighter man won't, so every now and then he will make noise in a forest and other places even when following the exact footsteps of a guide and that's enough to alert a potential enemy/diner to his presence.
A horse will tire easily when carrying this giant of an elf. If the average rider is 1 Pygge, 6 Hebs. then we are talking about 2 Pygges, 4 Hebs extra load for the horse. He will not fit anything that is not custom made for his size. A standard human weapon just looks like it lacks a good part of it's size when he wields it so even weapons should be custom made if they are to be used to their full effect. He eats and drinks 3 times as much as a normal man (and pays accordingly)

Powerful enemies
He has enemies among the elven nobles that want him dead, this is somewhat offset by having some friends there as well, but their ability/will to assist/protect him does not really match his enemies ability to hurt him. He has to stay out of sight, if he should draw too much attention to himself and someone back home would learn his whereabouts then a poisoned dagger would soon find its way into his back.

Poor Tharian and a stranger.
He has only been here for a short amount of time so his comprehension of the language is vague at best He can bark orders at soldiers, order a room and food, and tell a customer the price of a beer and say a few other simple things. But that's about it. Any kind of deeper conversation like explaining why a seemingly good deal is really a bad one would be too complex. His understanding of humans and the culture here in Carmalad or any other human town is also very limited.

He is a lonely and miserable man
He has lost his soul mate, he constantly worries about her and he misses her more than words can describe, He has felt the sting of a poisoned arrow breaking the rings of his mail and piercing itself deep into his arm and scraping his bone and the extreme agony when physician cleans the wound, he has felt the agony of an axe cutting trough his mail and leaving a deep wound in his leg. He has not welcomed the pain but nothing has ever come close to the emotional agony he constantly caries around with him. Several times he has thought about taking his chances and go back to her. If he goes back then at least he will be able to see her one last time and death would be better than 400 years without her. So far his companions have always managed to talk some sense back into him, or so they think. You will not find a single day where she is not in his mind. His only true goal in life is finding a way to be reunited with her and he spends a lot of time thinking about it.
This leaves him both emotionally and mentally drained, he is frequently tired and just doesn't seem to have the energy a young man should have but more like what one would expect of an elderly gentleman preparing to hand the farm, business whatever over to his oldest son within a few years.

Physically exhausted much of the time
This emotional and mental drain drives him into always seeking something to do either work or training, because physical exercise and hard labor is the only way he can find peace although only for a limited amount of time then physical exhaustion will force him back to reality, the longest escape he gets is if he passes out during his training, many times he will knowingly seek to reach this point and sometimes he succeeds. It is not that rare for the staff to find Azalahn lying on the floor in full armor still holding his swords and snoring loudly when they come to work in the morning. This causes him to be physically exhausted much of the time. But at least he gets a good night's sleep and has a clear head when he wakes up after passing out. He passes out roughly 2-3 times a month.

Pays no attention to his surroundings.
Being haunted by memories and images it is safe to say that his attention to his surroundings is low, and it is entirely nonexistent during a particularly clear image or memory, so he is not the man you would put to keep any eye on anything.

Alcohol Problem.
He is a miserable and unhappy man, so he drowns his sorrows in a bottle every now and then when life becomes too much to bear. This leaves him vulnerable to all kinds of mistakes that drunken people do, ranging from being rude towards a customer, to stopping a well dressed elven woman on the streets who just looked like his sister. So far this hasn't resulted in any word getting back home, but he has most likely tried spending a night or two in jail. At the very least he won't get much work done the day after, and his taste for the drow wine can make things quite expensive.

Perceived arrogance:
He is constantly tired, he is physically exhausted and his social skills were already very limited so his interaction with people is kept at a minimum. He doesn't have the time/energy to sit down and have a drink with people, stay and chat for a while. But he has time to dress up and dance with his swords alone for hours and he drinks a whole lot just not with the people in the neighborhood (he drinks alone) People don't know the real story and he would never ever tell them, so they just think that he believes he is better than they are and they are not really worth his time. He is always wearing this expensive but old silk tunic and if someone spills something on it his eyes almost explode in anger, it is a controlled anger but it is clearly there. Does he think that old tunic is some kind of a sacred garment or something? To Azalahn it probably is. He also still keeps that old warhorse. It is like he is trying to flaunt some nobility/wealth that really isn't there.

Code of Honor
He has been heavily influenced by house Ó'chón'cár’raín and has taken their code of honor to himself. He is not a military officer anymore. He has been in many battles, involving platoon sized and smaller units, but the only time he has seen anything that can be compared to actual war was when he lived as a mercenary, but he still lives by this code. These days the military unit means his staff.

History

In short:
He is the youngest son of an Eophyrim Ava priestess and an elf lord; his grandfather had ambitions about the arch mage position. He is forced to spend all his childhood at a mage academy with no hope of any future. He makes friends with a high-ranking military officer's kids and gets his weapon training at their house. Has a romantic relationship with his twin sister and is forced to leave the city. He travels to his mother's homeland, stays there for a while, but leaves again. He spends some time as a mercenary and finally he settles down as a tavern owner in a big human city.

Important persons in his life:
Mother who he didn't see much after being sent away to the mage academy
Oldest brother who cared for him but was too afraid of the father to actually be there for him.
Twin sister who he had a romantic relationship with.
Father of his childhood friends and high ranking military officer who secretly would like to make Azalahn his son in law.  

How his Parents met.
The priestess of Ava and her friend were in trouble. They had ventured out of the forest; they had gotten into a confrontation with a human knight and his men. The confrontation had ended in violence and the death of the knight and one of his men. The 2 others had fled, they had killed one of them, but the last one had escaped. It had been self defense, but who would believe a pair of Eophyrims? And the death of the fleeing man had definitely not been self-defense in human eyes. Even if they got lucky with the story about the first two deaths then the last one would surely be considered cold blooded murder.

The military encampment was between them and the forest and there was nowhere to hide. There was only one solution, they had to flee north. The priestess thought that perhaps this was a sign from the goddess that it was time to leave her people and openly worship the goddess.

The traveled to many places but didn't find any place where they felt truly welcome. One night they heard the sound of battle and magical explosions, they went to investigate. They saw a trio of elves battling several orcs. It was clear that the elves were fighting a brave but hopeless battle, the elves were good and able to hold against 7 orcs, but they were on the defensive and eventually they would tire and then the orcs would finish them off. They joined the battle and saved the day.

The elven leader was the son of a nobleman and they were on their way to the human capital in the south of the continent, he offered to hire them as bodyguards for the journey. They were nervous about going back south, but agreed to it, these elves were the first persons they had encountered without any obvious prejudice.

They traveled south stayed there for a month and then they had to go to another island so the journey became quite long. During this time the relationship started to evolve into a romance. He was a younger son so he was free to do pretty much what he wanted and to marry whoever he wanted.

Eventually they returned to his homeland and after some time they got married, had kids and lived happily for some years. At first the father objected to the marriage, but the older brother talked the father into accepting it.
They lived happily for some years. After some time people got used to the lord's son being married to a dark elf and there could be no doubt that her magic was from Ava so at last she could say that she had found a new home.

The father's change in personality
The older brother was killed in battle with the orcs. Her husband was devastated; he had not lonely lost his brother, but also his best friend and greatest idol. He was now the heir to the family holdings and could no longer live the happy carefree life he was used to.

The old lord ordered his father to quit the adventuring life and resume the magical study that was the family tradition. During the first years there wasn't much change, he was just a bit more tired. But as the years passed the priestess watched the soul of her husband wither and die, he was no longer the loving and carefree man she had fallen in love with.

The old arch mage died and the lord's name didn't even show up on the list of potential successors. This turned things much worse he was determined that if he was not destined to become the arch mage then his son would become one. From now on there was only study from early morning to late evening.

As more time passed the priestess spent more and more time in the temple. In her hearth she was a widow, the man she loved had been consumed by the family ambition. she was now married to an empty shell that was just a memory of her husband. She became pregnant again and gave birth to twins.

Early Childhood.
The old lord died shortly after the birth, but her husband's soul had withered beyond any hope of restoration. The kids brought some measurement of happiness to her, but she worried about the daughter who showed an extreme talent for magic, but was always following the brother around.

The father wasn't happy with the youngest son at all. He used to say: "That you don't show any talent for magic is because you always waste your time in the barracks with the brutes and their equally brutish offspring" The were harsh and hurt, but they were not entirely wrong. Azalahn was like the son of a soldier, he spent his days hanging out around the barracks playing with weapons. Every now and then some of the soldiers would teach the kids a move or two. With weapons Azalahn was a fast learner so he had the basics at an early age, but spending all his time around the barracks didn't help him develop any kind of magical aptitude.

The two older sons tended to side with the father and called Azalahn stupid, however only the second brother truly meant it. When they were alone the oldest brother was quite different, he encouraged Azalahn to become the best swordfighter he possibly could and told him stories about his early and happier childhood when their father was a totally different man.

The twins were inseparable already from early childhood and the girl had a calming effect on the boy who was wild and always making trouble. In her presence he could focus somewhat on the magic studies the father insisted that they had to study already at an early age.

The Magic Academy
The time came when the twins were ready to be sent away to the magic academy at the age of 19. The days at the academy were slow and painful for Azalahn. He tried his best but it was obvious that he had no talent for magic.

The instructors beat him and the other kids called him stupid, but at least against the other kids his sister was always there defending him and as the best student in the class she was more than capable of turning the insults back. The exams came and Azalahn failed every single one of them except for one or two that were general education but had nothing to do with magic. He had to take the classes again, but failed and the third time he failed again.

The headmaster contacted his father and talked about having the kid removed from school and transferred to the military academy since he had the physique that would greatly benefit a soldier and judging from the kid always playing around with a wooden sword in his free time one could only conclude that swordplay was his true calling. His father was furious, there was nothing left of the carefree young man that had married a dark elf. Azalahn was to be in the magic academy until the day he mastered at least the 2ND level of magic, preferably the 3’rd. If the instructors were right that the boy wasn't exactly stupid then he had to be lazy.

His father got his will and Azalahn stayed at the academy during all his childhood. It was a lonely place but his sister was always there with him. They continued to be just as inseparable as they had been during their early childhood. Indeed one could suspect that he would have committed suicide if it wasn't for her.

The years passed and Azalahn started to sneak out of the dorm, eventually he sneaked out of the school's dorm every night he could. He spent his time in the worst places of the city, picking one fight after another at least fighting was something he was good at but eventually his sister got him to stop.

After years at the academy he was still taking the introductionary classes and indeed he had only one friend Azuria Ó'chón'cár’raín, actually she had been one of the worst to pick on him during the first year when they started but with time she and his sister had become best friends and she had come to see Azalahn in a different way. Azalahn was wild and had a passion for swords just like her brother. She was the daughter of a high ranking military officer and had a brother who was both one of the best students and also one of the worst troublemakers in the military academy. Azalahn had met him often and they got very well along.

House Ó'chón'cár’raín
One day when Azalahn and his sister were over at Azuria's place she took him down to the basement of the mansion. She had a little chat with her brother who always was said to be there. He agreed to teach Azalahn some fighting tricks. This was when Azalahn was about 22 years old. Naroon was quite impressed with Azalahn and would love to have him as a sparring partner. “You can be the big and stupid ogre for now and perhaps in time we can turn you into a real fighter” he joked.

Turning Azalahn into a real fighter turned out to be easy. The weapon master came in one day they were fooling around, he stood and watched silently for a while then he intervened and said:”Young lord you are not turning him into a fighter, an extremely dangerous street thug yes, but still a street thug, he seems to have enough talent to pick up crude imitations of some advanced tricks and his great strength makes him dangerous even with a club, but he lacks the basics They had a little chat and the next week Naroon’s father told Azalahn to come up to his office. He told Azalahn that one of his instructors would teach him how to use a sword properly.

The instructors and guards at the school took pity upon the young man that was forced to be at the academy not only against his own will but more importantly with no future there so they looked the other way when he sneaked out almost every night. These were the happy years in Azalahn’s life.

His sister turned out to be exceptionally beautiful and soon became the target of many young men's romantic affection and the envy of many girls. However she wasn't interested in anyone, Azalahn was actually one of the very few people she cared to spend her free time with and he sure was the only male.

Rumors about Azalahn and his sister Illyrana being more than siblings started to circle. One day Azuria came down the basement with Illyrana and called him aside. “Everyone knows about the rumors, at first I didn't believe in them but guess what I am a woman too and I can see the love and affection in your eyes every time you look at him, what's going on?” she said looking at Illyrana. They couldn't lie to her so they had to admit that they loved each other not only as siblings but also as man and woman. “HaHaHa the coming arch mage HaHaHa is gonna marry HaHaHa the ogre HaHaHa. Dad is going to get a heart attack when he hears about this HaHaHa I sure am getting one right now HaHaHa HaHaHa HaHaHa…” Naroon was lying on the floor holding his stomach and laughing out loudly. His father was indeed everything but amused when he heard about it.

Hiding
A week later he called Azalahn over. “Both you and your sister are very dear friends of my children, and I do sympathize with you, your life has been hard indeed, but there is no way that our society will accept this and although it will not be from anyone in this house then eventually the truth will be known and you will both be outcasts. I have thought things over, you will run away from school, just hang out with some foreigners for a while then leave with your belongings and nobody will look for you, those that care for you will let you leave that place of torment and those that don't will be glad you are gone" He said

"Stay away for a few months then come here and officially you will be a stranger hired into my personal army. Unofficially you will be given the best training I can provide in secrecy and hopefully that will be enough so that you can handle yourself when the time comes that you have to leave again. You will have to stay inside most of the time and you can't really show yourself much because your size is impossible to hide unless using magic and there is a limit to the available magic especially when we talk about a mage who is sure to be silent about it and who doesn't have duties elsewhere. That's the best I can do your kid" he continued.

Azalahn did as he was told. Time passed and in the five years he spent there he became fully proficient with his chosen weapon and style. He even got the tools to eventually become a master. But the lord was right eventually people started asking questions it was time to prepare for departure.

By some strange reason Illyrana suddenly became very busy. Azalahn knew that in terms of allowance she was probably the most spoiled student in the academy, but he also knew that she spent almost nothing. She said that she needed to get some money for a project.

Azalahn got the house smith to teach him how to make and repair mail rings, at the first few tries they broke easily, but after a week with failure he eventually got it right, however things took way too much time and it became evident that he didn't have the time to make a full armor.

In desperation he started to sew pieces of iron into a jacket. It wouldn't protect against piercing weapons, but according to his master it would protect against slashing weapons that didn't make a clean hit. Naroon laughed when he saw it and called it the ugliest armor he had ever seen and indeed worthy of an ogre. However one day a full suite of chain mail arrived for him from a temple of Ava together with a pair of beautiful swords. Azalahn was grateful. He knew it was from his mother.

Departure
On the day he had to depart Illyrana gave him a breastplate and a pair of gauntlets. “It is all I could afford and I have a feeling you will end up heading to the human lands. This is made in the same style that humans use” she said with tears streaming down her chin. Azalahn felt bad, he knew this was a lot more than she could afford and that she had to own money to probably everyone that she knew and would be indebted for years.

Naroon and Azuria came over to him with very nice warhorse. “We convinced dad that there is something wrong with this horse and he needs to get rid of it, well he wasn't hard to convince and be careful you don't shoot yourself with the bow I know what a great archer you are, we would give you a lance as well but I wanna be there and see it when a human knight throws you off the horse. Yea and buy yourself a new face you ugly ogre” Naroon jested and threw a pouch of coins at him while laughing, but the laughter was exaggerated and forced.

Azuria was quiet, she gave him a necklace “Remember me” she said and then she hurried into the mansion. The lord came out, and handed him a ring and a letter. “Well kid, I have arranged with your mother to set you up in Carmalad, if you ever are in need of anything then contact one of the people on the list and show them the ring and letter. I know a part of you wants to try your luck in your mother's homeland but I doubt you will find a permanent home there so when you decide you need to move on then try Voldar” he said. Azalahn departed the city at the age of 34

Azalahn noticed that someone was shadowing him on his way out of town, shortly before the city gates he stopped and confronted the shadowy figure. It was his oldest brother. His brother had no love for his position in the mage guild and indeed he cared for Azalahn whom he still considered his brother even though his father had told them not to see him. He handed Azalahn a couple of jewels “Well the scandal suits the old tyrant and yea he must have misplaced his magic dagger somewhere so don't ask” he said  

The mother's homeland
Azalahn rode south, he got lost quite a few times and had to backtrack, eventually he came to the Paeleon forest. He was nervous about how he would be received. “Well as long as it wasn't with a poisoned arrow trough his neck then he would be all right” he told himself

He did indeed get a cold welcome but they decided to give him a chance after hearing the story about who his mother was. (He didn't tell them that she was a priestess of Ava)

Adjusting to the eophyrim ways was difficult. He knew much about their history and culture, but knowing about it was different from living it. Azalahn was only truly at home when holding a weapon in his hands. He made a few friends during the brief time he stayed there, there was even one woman he became very fund of, but he couldn't forget Illyrana.

Illyrana’s image was haunting him day and night. He was apprenticed as a hunter and with time he picked up the most basic of tracking and hunting skills but it was evident that he was not born to be a hunter so in the end he decided that he would head for the human lands at the age of 41

The mercenary life.
He traveled across the continent with no direction for a year and a half. He lived as a hunter most of the time but had enough wealth to buy food when there was no pray. In Voldar he got in contact with some mercenaries and ended up signing a contract. In the start most of the work was as caravan guards in small units. After some months he was sent to the northern frontier as part of a full company. The war season passed, or at least the locals didn't want to pay anymore so they returned back south, split up and became caravan guards again. He hasn't really used the contacts he got from the lord back home, except that he stored most of his valuables there when he came to town.

Azalahn and his unit ended up guarding caravans going to and from Carmalad. Azalahn had 30 warriors under his command, he divided them into 3 squads, and spent most of his time arranging jobs with for his men. One day he rescued a street kid from being bullied by some of the local ruffians, a few days later the same kid tried to pickpocket him. Azalahn decided to let the kid go, a few months later he caught the same kid again, this time Azalahn wanted to have a chat with the father so he dragged the kid across most of the town, in the end it turned out that the kid was an orphan.

One day one of the units reported back with wounded and people missing. The sergeant was proud.
Despite being ambushed and outnumbered he had secured the caravan and only suffered minor casualties. Azalahn was furious. He canceled the contract negotiations he was in the middle of, took the available men and headed out while sending a courier with orders to the last squad about joining them immediately after reaching their destination. When they reached the site of the ambush the bodies of 2 of his men were missing. Azalahn and his unit followed the trail and after a few days the last unit joined them. His platoon was divided into 2 camps. With one side he was everything but popular, this was a waste of time and money. The other side admired him for caring about 2 missing men. In the end the scout found the highway men's hideout. The knight and the dandy were held prisoners, most likely for ransom. The camp was raided and burned down, and most of the highway men were captured or killed. Both prisoners were severely wounded. The young boy died a few days later. The knight Aria could be moved after a week. When they came back to town Azalahn spent most of their profit on medical care for Knight Aria.

There was an old woman living on a farm just outside town, her husband had passed away a few years earlier, bad luck with the harvest had pushed one of their sons into seeking fame and glory as a mercenary but instead he had found death in a foreign land. Their other son had died from disease and she had never given birth to another child. Azalahn used to help her out every now and then. People said she was a witch practicing evil magic and that she had murdered her husband and son as  part of a demonic deal. Indeed the old crone looked a bit scary, but there was nothing evil about her in fact she was a kind old lady. Azalahn parked his horse and staid at her farm when he was in town. In the spring he brought her seeds and in the late summer he helped her with the harvest. He liked working the land.

There were some of the other mercenaries that talked about getting their own tavern and quit the mercenary work, after some time Azalahn got hooked on the idea. The contract they had signed on for came to an end, some of them had been there for many years, but Azalahn had only signed on for 2 years. The payout was poor indeed. Some of them let out comments about Azalahn being better off as a beggar if he ever wanted to get out of dept for his armor. Actually Azalahn didn't think the pay was that bad, but he had signed on as a lieutenant, leadership had come naturally to him in fact this was easier than the theories his master had made him study and thus he got an officer's salary.

The tavern
About a year ago when Azalahn was 44 the old woman died and she had made Azalahn the heir to all her property since she had no family to pas it on to and he was the only one that she knew. Azalahn was grateful but he had a problem, that turned out to put an end to his newborn farming ambition. The only things he knew about farming was the name of the seeds he used to bring and that they were supposed to be harvested in the late summer. He thought about selling it but he didn't like that idea because in his head that would be the same as selling the kindness of the old lady. He squandered a few days away pondering what to do. In the end he decided to do nothing, about the farm but to go for it with the tavern and buy what was left of a small bar and warehouse, in what was supposed to be a bad neighborhood. It was obvious who the front of the local street gang was, but Azalahn was worried. What if this was only the enforcer of this area but part of a much larger and more powerful organization. Azalahn went looking for the little kid he had caught some time ago. This was just like a war he taught, and the two most important things to obtain victory were information about the enemy and an army strong enough to actually beat him. He didn't have an army but he had some ideas and first things first.

He got the kid to hire some other kids and gather information for him. It turned out that the local gang didn't have any true allies but only some live and let live agreements with other gangs, and they were only about 10 members, but one of them was a former assassin although never a good one. Azalahn contacted some of the mercenaries from his former unit. 3 of them ended up joining him. Thorgrim Blackbeard a dwarven veteran who wanted to retire to the quiet life, Ellysia Ilaról‘miés'efér the elven scout who had become quite disillusioned with mercenary life and lastly Aria the Serphelorian Knight, whose respect Azalahn had won.

Azalahn opened the tavern and the gang made things really tough. Azalahn had intended to wait a few years before getting rid of them, but both Aria and Thorgrim insisted on doing something about it right away and they were both more than ready to chop of a head or two. In the end Azalahn got them to at least let him try to do it his way first. He had Azuria talk with the officials and get him permission to clean the streets by whatever method he found nesacary as long as it didn't cause any disturbance across the rest of the city. Human officials were indeed strange they took payment for allowing people to help them, Azuria called it bribery. It wasn't expensive since everyone would like to get rid of them. Azalahn paid the Eophyrim to take out the assassin and abduct the little guy who was supposed to be the gang's only brain. Most people would be glad to get rid of them, but it was still killing and abduction so it would be best to have outsiders do it just in case. Azalahn had Aria beat the leader up and break some bones, the rest was easy.

After cleaning up the streets business has dramatically improved, it is now a flourishing Tavern. Thorgrim stands in the bar and tells old war stories and he doesn't believe that Azalahn’s breastplate is made by elves, but claims it has to be made by dwarfs. Ellysia is the waiter and Aria is the bouncer, well occasionally there is a big fight and Azalahn has to assist her, but he normally lets her handle things alone since he knows she likes being the strong one who doesn't need help from any man. Azalahn has hired an extra waiter and has the street kid running errands for them, sharing gossip about the competition and general activity on the street that might be of importance to know. In exchange the kid has been promised a free meal every day. Usually it ends up with 3 meals a day and a place to sleep for nothing.

Weapons:
Bastard sword, Scimitar, Chain Mail (Gifts from his mother), Pair of gauntlets (Gift from his sister), Bow, Kurakim Breast Plate (Gift from his sister)

Belongings:
Black Silk tunic made of the best materials money can buy, but really low quality tailoring. The tunic is his most highly prized possession. A jeweled ring that marks him as a lieutenant of house ó'chón'cár’raín, Silver necklace with the ó'chón'cár’raín house emblem carved into a sapphire. He also has a necklace with the house insignia of house Dél’Raguierá, but he hasn't worn it since he left his homeland. A textbook or two for students starting at a magic academy. A book about military theory, formations and tactics (His notebook from when he was tutored in house ó'chón'cár’raín). Pair of Jeweled daggers, tavern, Farm and a some cash

Familiars:
Azalahn got it as a pup shortly after he came to the Paelelon forrest. The other hunters he worked with helped him train it so today it can be said to be a fully trained hunting hound. He kept it as a pet during the lonely days after he left the forrest. It has the mind of the typical hunting dog though and requires constant attention. The dog is pitch black and rather big for it's race.

Heavy war horse. The horse was in it's prime when Azalahn got it 9 years ago when he left home. It is now rather old and would not be well suited to carry the giant Azalahn in full armor for hours and then into battle. Luckily it doesn't have to. It used to have a nasty temper but with age it has calmed down and these days it is usually a very calm horse but it won't let anyone except for Azalahn ride it. The horse is a jet black mare.
  
Companions/Staff.
Thorgrim Blackbeard: He is the cook and bartender. He makes a great stew and knows an almost infinite amount of old warstories.
...

Aria the Serphelorian knight: Azalahn and his code of honor saved her life, his loyalty and battleproves can't be questioned so she will follow him to the end of the world. She is bouncer and helps out in the kitchen every now and then. She is not of noble birth and doesn't have a full suit of plate armor, but she was with the heavy cavalry and has a noble soul.
...

Ellysia the mage scout. She is the beautiful and charming waitress, likes to flirt with the customers, but always armed with a pair of knives and half a dozen other consealed weapons if Azalahns suspicions are correct.
...

William the street kid.
William is a young boy of 10 years. He is small and skinny but very bright and he is fast. His father was murdered only a few years after his birth. His mother could not support the family and died from a combination of disease and malnutrition when he was 5. His uncle took him and his sister in but treated them as slaves, his sister died from the beatings when he was 7 then he stole what he could and ran as far away as he could and ended up in this town and lived as a pickpocket until the day Azalahn hired him to gather information.
Since the death of his mother Azalahn and his staff are the only ones that have ever shown him any kindness. He is a bit scared of both Azalahn and Aria. He has seen what the giantess and the lumbering hulk can do, but he also knows they would never hurt him. He dreams about becoming an unbeatable master of every weapon like them when he grows up, but they always tell him to go out to the farm and practice with the bow they gave him. He is almost as good as Azalahn with the bow so he must be close to mastery but they want him to be even better and it is always Azuria that instructs him, damn grown ups. (Azalahn would love to teach him but he knows the boy will never develop even half the strength required to wield the bastard sword like his style requires)





Ok I am going to stop for now.
Valan I really think it would be best for both of us if I can get another moderator. You have helped me getting rid of some of the worst mistakes and I thank you for that, but overall I honestly find you more confusing than helpfull.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Deklitch Hardin on March 04, 2010, 04:42:17 AM
Azalahn,

Please don't repost entire comments from others if you want to respond to their posts :D And especially don't include parts that you are not responding to.

Just quote little bits of what they say to you and respond to those bits. <SNIP> and <QUOTE> are your friends. And, we even have a handy little icon (the one that looks like a speech bubble) for quoting others.

We are able to look back at previous posts to see where they are coming from if we need to ... help us save the mice of people everywhere.

Deklitch

Edit: It would appear you haven't integrated Valan's comments as yet. So, I'm going to return it to the pencil icon until you do so.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 04, 2010, 07:14:03 AM
Quote
... Few of the stories ever get into any serious fighting or any fighting at all. You'll rarely have a chance to kill an NPC and you can't do more than wound other players (see the rules) so it's a bit of a waste to describe all of that (wrong though it is) in any case.

I know I know I know.
Indeed even if I get the chance then I don't plan to go around killing orchs and whatever. I have been playing rpg for a some years and "hack & slash" games as some people call it really is not my style. I like all the other things that are going on in the world. Like interacting with all the various people in a more peacefull way.

However looking at his childhood he spent almost half of it training with weapons the other half he was in "jail" well mage school. Except for the tavern and the people there I would say there is not much to describe about him except for his warrior side. He can't manipulate a single oun of anything so there is not much magic to describe and he never learned enough to be a hunter for real so there is not much there either. He is a sword master 100% ... Well as close to it as one can be given his age and late introduction to a real master.

Anyway I am finished going over the coments and have worked it into the CD.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Valan Nonesuch on March 04, 2010, 10:50:01 AM
Let me explain to you exactly the problem you're running into here. I've got no problem with you arguing but: What a mod says about your CD matters. We approve and we don't approve. Follow our advice and you'll be approved. Period.

You didn't get your facts right.
I'll wager that you don't quite know enough about how things get down around here to understand. Other mods might say that's no fault of yours. Fair enough.

You're trying to take apples and replace them with oranges and that's certainly not the same thing.
Quote
2 meters and 15 cm.
2 peds 1 fore 2 palmspans is 253 centimeters or 8 feet 3 inches. You did your math wrong  Humans and elves are different races. Elves are certainly not pointy eared humans. To compare one and the other is like comparing a housecat and a tiger. They're the same sort of thing, in a way, but the scale of one is radically different from the other. They have the same bones in the same places but that doesn't mean you could grow a housecat the size of a tiger because a tiger is already that big. What you have here is not a valid argument. As far as I can tell, I'm not an expert and I'll wager neither are you, your character should be dead.

You want to make a strong elf? Fine. But there are limitations and I've laid them out for you. You'll either have to reduce your age (which means reducing your skill) or reduce your size. Giants do not tend to live long. This is fact. The complications arising from the size of the body and the stress it puts on systems not designed to support a living being of that scale are unpleasant. Strain on the spine, on the circulatory system and on the bones in the body as a whole is enough to kill a person, regardless of race. Elves' bones break just like humans.

I've said my piece and I'll not darken your CD with comments less someone asks me to. That's one mod that you won't have CD approvals from.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 04, 2010, 01:13:17 PM
2 m 15 cm if human, yes but a human is not 2 m in average height. If I remember right then he was about 20% taller than the average human I looked up. The injerin are slightly more than 2 m in average so I guessed they would be 2.09 and added 20%. That gives roughly 2.51 then I took the number I got from the converter and rounded it to the closest palmspan. That gives 2 peds 1 fore and 2 palmspans. The rounding was because I wanted to cut the amount of numbers. The assumption that humans and elves had the same relative deviation was wrong but there was nothing wrong with the math.

The next thing is a perfect example of why I find you more confusing than helpful.
You tell me that I have to reduce his height, yes I got that. The problem is that it really doesn't help me much to only tell me to reduce his height. You continue with medical reasons for why he can't be a giant. That doesn't help me at all. What I need to know in order to keep him a big elf is the upper limit of a healthy elf's height, nothing more and nothing less. You don't say anything about that.

I think it is fair to say that we just don't talk the same language, and better served by not wasting our time on each other.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 05, 2010, 05:55:49 AM
Hmmm did some research on extreme height.
OK the relative deviations are not the same for humans and elves. The idea however is that Azalahn will be to other elves what the men listed below are to other humans, after modification for both the elven average of slightly more than 2 meters and the smaller deviation from the average elven height.

These people seem to be healthy
Yao Ming, age of 30, height 2.29 M, profession basketball player

Choi Hong-man, age 29, height 2.18, profession K-1 fighter (kickboxer/martial artist)

George Gonzales age 44, height 2.29, profession retired wrestler

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_tallest_people






Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 05, 2010, 06:33:37 AM
Hi Azalahn, welcome to Santharia.  :)

As I started to read your CD, I noticed two very important issues that need addressed.

1. The Injerin and Eophyrim pairing are very, very unlikely. Please consider changing your races to elves much closer to each other, as those two tribes live very far apart. Also, a dark elf and light elf pairing is not going to happen for many reasons. The first of which is that dark elves are viewed as "heretics" by turning their backs on the gods long ago and became "cursed". A light elf has nothing to do with a dark elf, no matter what reasoning you make.

2. Second, there are no priestesses of Ava. The idea of Ava is more of an ideal and state of being. Ava herself is a myth and is no longer worshiped by anyone in the world. She turned her back on the world long ago and gave it up to the desires of her children, the Twelvern, and her shadow, Coor. You may choose a priestess of any of the other gods, just not Ava.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 05, 2010, 07:30:57 AM
Doh guess I didn't do my homework well enough

OK I will find some other god. Thinking about Nehtor, how is that? and will find some other tribe than the Injerin perhaps the Diorye'oleal .

Nehtor is the god of healing, but in general, most dark elves worship Coor, Arvins, or Queprur.

Quote
Just a few things that I would like to get clarified before I move on.

The whole idea of a dark elf turning her back on Coór and his destructive ways, keeping her "heretical" beliefs secret?

This would be very unlikely. The worship and reverence for Coor is taught from birth and is a part of life for every dark elf. You would need a VERY good reason for a dark elf to reject Coor and hide it. I do not recommend this option.

Quote
Solution for the distance in short:
His mother traveled the land for some years, found she was shunned everywhere and eventually found herself up north. She came into contact with the Diorye'oleal and found a husband there?

Or one of his grandparents could be Eophyrim and help set him up there ?

If you wish for his mother to travel long distances, I recommend joining a group that would have the means to travel. A dark elf traveling the lands alone would not get very far. If she were a member of the Black Butterfly Rovers, the Nightshade Carnival or the Stormcloaks Guild, she would have a better chance and ability to travel north.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 05, 2010, 07:47:12 AM
Sorry wrong button wasn't supposed to delete it.

Oh well ...


Hmmmmm Worship Coór or forget the dark elf, guess I have to think about that.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Fáiorríl on March 05, 2010, 03:27:01 PM
Something to keep in mind about going north is that the Tandala Highlands are uncrossable, making Northern Sarvonia only accessible by sea. Not that it's hard to do...just that people don't accidentally stroll through a field and end up in the north.

The only main issue I have with your character is his deviance from elven nature. Much of what you've described in your history sounds much better suited to a human society; the nobles, family estates, isolated parental pressure, even the part about multiple children who are roughly the same age.

Here are some general hints about (most) elves:
- They aren't very fertile and usually only reproduce every century or two, so lots of offspring running around an elf's house isn't really normal.
- Many tribes are lead by a Ránn or Rónn (their equivalent of princess and prince, respectively) and/or an elected council, but all members have a say with decisions made and are more or less equals. Some tribes don't even have a political structure; everyone just gets along and know the rules, like the Melad'rhim or Eophyrhim.
- Children are raised by the tribe. This means parents have less restrictive control over how their child develops and others will step in if a parent is treating a child in a harmful manner.
- They revere nature and have a deep understanding for the cycles of growth and destruction, so they are much quicker to accept and move on when a death or tragedy occurs.
- For the most part, a lot of elves actually avoid humans but there are exceptions.

I did some research though and found a tribe that greatly suits what you're looking for. The Quaelhoirhim (http://santharia.com/tribes/elves/quaelhoirhim.htm) are a very structured, human-like tribe with complicated government systems, military organizations, cities that resemble human cities and villages outside the forest.

I'm not sure what kind of Magic Academies would be there.. I am unaware of any 'academies' other than Ximax, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Someone else will have to clarify. Did you intend for your character to leave the forest while studying? I'm also not 100% sure about the archmage / highranking aspirations of the father..

I have run out of brain power for today, but concentrate on using the information available, rather than making up ranks and powerful figures. Make your character fit the world, not the other way around. :P

~Faio~

EDIT: I have been informed that elves train their own mages, but not on as big a scale as the Ximax Academy - which is pretty much a one-of-a-kind place. Elves learn from elves, possibly in a more master/apprentice context, and the term 'academy' shouldn't be used for anywhere other than Ximax.
Hope this helps. :)


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 06, 2010, 01:52:24 AM
Think I will have to rewrite most of the history. Plan on keeping some parts of it and the general idea of the character, but if the general story line goes with the Quaelhoirhim tribe then I guess I can leave most of it intact. Just have to change his mother's race, and guess he wasn't sent to an academy, but to some mage his father knew.

1 He will be very gifted with swords, and he will be trained by a great master

2 Call me sick but I really like that part with the twins and their tragic love story.

3 He will be 100% Warrior/military leader until just a few years ago

4 He will settle down and find a new road in life.

As for race and tribe then perhaps : Quaelhoirhim/ Tethinrhim

Correct me if I am wrong, but if one parenth is Tethinrhim then he could be a Kaierian Warrior? They are allready fully described but I didn't find anything about the Quaelhoirhim military except that they have cavalry and archers.
 
Ambitions and delusions of grandeur... well I think I will forget about the archmage ambition, shouldn't be that hard to come up with another way to give his father a change of personality.


As for low fertility then perhaps I could say he has his twin sister and 1 older brother who is 120 years older?

Quote
Did you intend for your character to leave the forest while studying?

Not really sure how to answere that. My impression has always been that you study under your master til the day he can't teach you anything more, so in that sense it would be yes he left while studying. As for the military leadership then he is only qualified to lead in potential combat situations, but not in times of peace, so again Yes. As for ability to go head to head with other elven officers, human knights etc  then he is more than capable of that, unless they are older and somewhat experienced, so in that sense it would be no.



Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Fáiorríl on March 06, 2010, 05:04:42 AM
Quote
In order to become a Kaierian Warrior, one must first be Tethinrhim by birth of at least one parent.
Being a Kaierian Warrior (http://santharia.com/people/kaierian_warriors.htm) is fine. It also gives you that sense of 'nobility' since:
Quote
Other than the Rónn or Ava’ránn, the Kaierian Warriors and the Spiritual Guider there exist no other high-ranking tribe-people.

Something to consider though:
- It takes 200 years to become a full warrior and training takes place in the centre of the Auturian woods. Your character will have to spend this part of his life with the Tethinrhim and training begins in childhood. There are two trips of self-learning to be completed though, which leaves a large window of opportunity for things to happen outside the forest.

Quote
Did you intend for your character to leave the forest while studying?
I just meant if you were traveling to Ximax to study at the big academy, rather than studying at home. But he isn't doing magic anymore.

Your sibling plan sounds fine. What I question though is where your sense of failure will come from, since he is training only in the arts of war and is exceedingly talented at that. A Kaierian warrior also is pretty much the best you'll get for social status, so there's no alternative drive or ambition to fit in there.

Just some thoughts.
~Faio~


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 06, 2010, 05:31:41 AM
Quote
What I question though is where your sense of failure will come from, since he is training only in the arts of war and is exceedingly talented at that

Sorry for the confusion.
His sense of failure is from the original Injerin /Eophyrim version where his father only valued the thing he was hopeless in (magic) and always talked badly about what he was good at (swordplay). So he was worthless in the eyes of the father, 1 brother, all the family friends etc. Not a good thing for a child.

Now that I have gotten things straightened out the character concept has changed a bit.

Perhaps I should start putting the bits and pieces in my head into the CD history before we move on.

he he take a break, you deserve it  :)



Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 06, 2010, 05:47:46 AM
The elven tribes have magic academies. It is very rare for an elf to go to the "human" academy of Ximax. There are no specific entries on the elven academies yet, but they do exist and can be used for elves to learn magic.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Injerin Eophyrim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 08, 2010, 10:23:33 AM
Ok rewrote most of his history.

Not sure about the bond betwen the Kaierian Warriors and if a teacher would take such a long journey to save the soul of one student, from the Auturian woods to the Shaded Forest. If not then I guess I need to find some other way to restore his soul and drag him up again. In case it won't work then I made another option: to replace the beige part in the history

He was on the battlefield again, he has slashed and hacked his way trough a tidalwave of enemies, now at last they were defeated. One of them came up again. She looked at him with an empty expression. Then she spoke:” Why do you hate us so much” It was his sister. As he looked across the battlefield he saw everyone he had ever cared about. His fellow Kaierian Warriors his teachers, the knight aria and the scout Elyssia. All of them dead or mortally wounded by his weapons. Behind him he could hear what had to be the remainder of his platoon praise his name. He took a look behind him. What he saw was, not men and women, but a horde of disfigured and terrifying creatures that could only exist in nightmares. Demons. They started feasting on the souls of his victims, they sank their claws and fangs into his sister. He turned on them with a roar of defiance… he woke up in his tent outside the city. “What a strange dream” he thought. The days passed but he could not forget the dream. In the end he was convinced that it had to be a message from some higher being.  Slowly he started to change his ways, it was hard but as time passed he crawled out of the dark pit that his soul had been in. A year later he was a changed man…



Hmmm think I got it all now.  


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Quaelhoirhim Tethinrhim/Tavern owner
Post by: Klyff Tylssen on March 11, 2010, 10:40:42 AM
hell Azalahn, and welcome. As a fellow starter without an approved character, I just have a minor comment to your character. First I would like to say wonderful description, great quality and not without length too!  :grin:

But on to my critiscm, the Eophyrhim dark elves are much disliked by certain tribes and races, expecially dwarven tribes. Many elven tribes refuse to trade with them, including the one my character is based on Meladrhim. They are known as dark, suspicous, and cruel even though this is not so. I am just wondering how starting a tavern, or working in one would fair with these prejudices ate the table. please explain this to me either in a post or in your CD. Thank you!

EDIT: I'm sorry for my mistake. I see tyhat you have already edited the tribe, and I didnt even care to notice. You may however want to change the title of the CD to match your tribe as it still says Eophyrhim. Again, sorry for the misconception.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Quaelhoirhim Tethinrhim/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 13, 2010, 07:15:48 AM
Hi Azalahn!

Your CD is coming along nicely, but I noticed something. You are really mixing up alot of ideas that don't seem to fit quite right.

1. You are trained as a Kaierian warrior. If you read the entry, you's know that Kaierian's do not wear plate mail armor. They wear leather armor and function more as warrior/rangers. The heaviest armor they wear is chain mail, but rarely so!

2. Your code of honor and preference for plate mail are more related to a knight, not a Kaierian. Which are you?

3. You worship Nehtor (god of healing), wear plate mail like a knight and call yourself a Kaierian warrior. All of those three characteristics  do not relate to each other very well. You can't be all three, so you will have to choose.

I suggest either choosing to be a knight (plate mail and swords), a Kaierian warrior (leather armor and corran'Loh and the the scourge). Also, depending on what you choose, you'd need an appropriate god to follow: in this case, either Arvins or Armoros.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Quaelhoirhim Tethinrhim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 13, 2010, 10:28:19 AM
Hmmm

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They are highly trained in at least three various weapons, specialising in one, while being proficient in all other standard weapons.

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however the weapons consist mainly of sword, bow, coóran’lóh, scourge, crossbow etc

If I go with the Kaerian do I have to specialize in the scourge or can I stay with the swords and settle for being proficient with the scourge?

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A main armed force is kept in Elving consisting of two contingents of archers and a mounted core.

If I go for the Knight, can I assume that there are a few knights among the Quaelhoirhim cavalry or do I have to join some other knightly order like the white knights (http://www.santharia.com/people/order_white_knights.htm), order of Armeros (http://www.santharia.com/people/order_of_armeros.htm) or something?

As for his god then the idea is that he was a warrior that lost his way and got almost completely consumed by his anger. During that time he probably worshiped Armoros. Then someone woke him up and he turned away from his old and wicked ways. Today he is retired and has sworn not to use his weapons again unless justice demands it. He is still haunted by the horrors of war and the atrocities he committed and he is not proud of the monster he was during that time, so he has turned away from the more warlike god and towards a god that can heal his soul instead of helping him hurt others.

(If that's a no then I think I will go with Amoros.)

Edit:
Thinking about the: Kaýrrhem
1 They use plate (and chain) (Don't know why but I just like plate)
2 With the knight I just keep having this image in my head about a a mounted warrior charging with a lance, and that just doesn't fit well into my experience with a forrest.
3
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As anything they train their skills to perfection before they're considered true warriors
They seem to have highly trained warriors who can match the Kaerian warriors and human knights.

lol if the Kaýrrhem works then I will have to rewrite the history again, but I don't mind. They just told him to go as far away as possible so he left the continent and ended up as a mercenary rest should be roughly the same.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Quaelhoirhim Tethinrhim/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 15, 2010, 05:36:15 AM
Ok settled for a Knight and rewrote part of his history and made a few adjustments in red  His god is removed for now.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 15, 2010, 11:38:24 PM
Ok Azalahn, getting better!

However, the Kayr elves do not have knightly orders or ranks. The elves do not function like human organizations, and this is something that takes some learning for you. The elven culture in Caelereth is not yet fully understood and only now is beginning to form. I can say that elves do not have ranks of lieutenant or captain nor do they organize in platoons. The Kayr are guards and warriors in their tribe and your code of honor is more similar to human tribes such as the Erpheronians.

I suggest, if you want to have a more elven cultured character, is to remove all references to knights, ranks or terms. Remember, you are creating an elf, not a human. In Caelereth, there are differences between the two races in attitude and organization.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 16, 2010, 12:57:07 AM
Ok corrections made in Orange, removed all ranks and military terminology across the board to reflect that this human way of organizing things is new to him. The mercenaries that he became part of were owned, led and organized by humans. Also removed his code of honor for now.

Edit:
Hmmm not sure if the human organization would be that alien to him. The Korweynites have been allies of the Kaýrrhem for centuries and he went to Korweyn and lived there for some years when he had to leave the jungle. Of course their organization can be different for the mercenary army he was recruited into. An imperial army sure is a much more complex organization, but it starts with the same building blocks. The individual soldier. I think it is plausible that there would be some similarities


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 16, 2010, 04:11:02 AM
Usually, familiars are mounts or a single animal companion. In some cases, a familiar can be a child or sibling. But multiple companions are not permitted because if you play in a story, the mods would rather not bring an entire group in. Also, roleplaying a group of companions is very difficult to do. So I suggest only having a single horse familiar.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 16, 2010, 04:21:53 PM
Ok removed.

But... The people working in his inn are mostly his old mercenary buds. I would expect people that have been trough a lot together to be more loyal to each other, like they don't run off as soon as they get a slightly better job offer, they don't cheat with the money (at least not much), in case of a big fight the whole staff will back the bouncer up etc

Perhaps that is not important, so they just count as regular hired staff and don't need to be included ?


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on March 16, 2010, 04:26:46 PM
You would write them up a NPCs. You can read a couple of stories where they have NPCs listed and what kind of information they provide. The wouldn't be familiars.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 16, 2010, 07:36:59 PM
Ok all companions removed, the two elf girls "stole" his dog, so only horse left. I changed the horse into a Kev’lor warhorse (http://www.santharia.com/bestiary/kevlor_horse.htm) since a  Kassite (http://www.santharia.com/tribes/humans/kassites.htm) horse would be very old and of little use now.

Changes are made in Blue


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Markus Boadicea on March 16, 2010, 07:57:50 PM
This has being going for quite a while... but there is no doubt it is progressing at an amazing pace.

Magnificent character and an even more magnificent back story.


This is just some praise to get you on a high.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 18, 2010, 01:17:05 AM
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He is an educated bright young man with an intuitive sense for good or bad deals.
He is smarter than the average man, and has a talent for making money. He is literate, can do the 4 basic aritmic operations and knows a thing or two about logistics. This helps him running his tavern/inn.

Hi Azalahn. Please explain this. How did you learn to count? I think you mean you have a natural sense for business and you are intuitive. This does not mean you are necessarily intelligent for numbers. You can also count money, which is good. And what do you mean by "logistics"?

Lastly, your CD has pretty much everything required. Before I give a first approval, run a spell check. There are alot of misspellings here. Sound good?  :thumbup:


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 18, 2010, 10:44:56 AM
His master sent him to "school" a few hours a day. where he learned how to read, count and do the 4 (or 2, don't know exactly how advanced/primitive people are) basic aritmic operations and a thing or two about logistics.
You said they have magic academies, not sure if they have military academies, but he could have learned it from his sister or his master if they don't have academies. His sister wouldn't be able to teach him about logistics, but he would be forced to learn it during his 10 years leading the mercenaries up in the north.
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what do you mean by "logistics"?

Well it is supply and consumption, he knows how many suplies his unit will need, can roughly figure out how long it will take to get various amount of new suplies transported across a certain type of terrain.
To stay on patroll for 1 week they will need xxx amount of food, 1 horse can carry yyy amount of suplies that will last for zzz days etc. If they are 2 days march from home and continue the patroll they will need a certain amount of new suplies that will take a certain amount of time to reach them etc. He is not a logistical officer but he knows a thing or two about it so he can make a good guess that although not 100% accurate won't be so far off that they have to starve.

Let's say he is out in the jungle with a group of 10 men. One of his men comes and tells him :"There are some orchs around, 4 hiding and 7 in the open" then he knows that there are 4(fingers)+7(fingers)=11 orchs in total.

They run out of arrows, and he sends a runner to the nearest town to get some more, say a basket of 90 arrows. then he knows it will be 90/10=9 arrows for each man (if multiplication and division is not too advanced)

Let's say the price of 1 liter of wine is 2 copper coins and 1 copper coin=10 silver coins. He will know that the price of 100 liter of wine will be : 200 copper coins = 20 silver coins. Someone buys a liter of wine and pays with 1 silver, then Azalahn will know that he is to give 8 copper back and not 15.

In short knowing how to count and do the 4 basic aritmic operations lets him run a shop (inn) without being cheated out of it before the first year has passed, and it would be very hard if not impossible to lead 30 mercenaries without being able to count.  

But that doesn't mean he is able to stay in buisness in the long run. In order to do that he needs some brains. He will need to know how to distribute his workforce, when to decline a deal and when to aggressively seek a deal and a lot of other things. Just assuming we don't have terms like competitive edge, elasticity of demand etc, not to mention how to figure them out. So he just looks at the whole picture and has an intuition about what is a good price to sell a drink for and what should attract customers and what won't work etc.

He knows that it is probably a bad idea to advertice that he has a dark elf employed so he keeps her in the kitchen instead of using her as a waiter (damage control), having an outgoing hot young woman as a waiter might attract a few extra customers so he has put the "normal" elf as the waiter. He knew that he would have to investigate the situation before starting the inn, and clean the streets. He needs some brains to run his inn effectively.  

Having brains will only take him so far. Someone sells luxury wine for 1 silver a glass, well he is not located in the upper class area so his general customer probably won't be able to afford that, so beer or cheap wine would likely be a better idea, or perhaps luxury wine for a cheap price (if he can cut expenses) but what should he focus on? only one or perhaps all 3? That's where intuition comes in. hehe or he could get a magical time machine and do a modern day market analysis :)  

In short he needs both brains and intuition to run anything more than a small bar with perhaps 1 employee, and I would say his inn is a bit more than that, not to mention that he would have been outwitted, cornered and executed by opponent commanders within the first year up in the north if he didn't have brains.

Being able to count and doing the 2 or 4 basic aritmic operations is an absolute prerequisite for having any realistic hope about running a buisness, and I don't see how he can do the bookkeeping if he can't count and do addition. In fact it would be a nightmare if he can't do multiplication. We have sold 10 barrels of wine, 25 liter each, roughly 5 glass pr liter and 3 Copper coins pr glass. That would be 10*25*5*3=3750. Each barrel costs 150, so expanses are 10*150=1500 and lastly profit is 3750-1500=2250 (OK a lot of things not taken into consideration here) Or he can do it like : 3+3+3+3........ =3750

His education is to lead men into war and all his experience as a leader is as a military leader, first guarding and patrolling the jungle at home then outright war as a mercenary. so he probably has a tendency to look at most things from a military point of view and sometimes the things he has learned just don't apply. The general food he started selling could keep a soldier marching for a whole day, and was light to carry, but the taste could be better. His security is excessive, there is someone on "guard duty" 24/7. He doesn't really need the dwarf, but he is a "loyal soldier under his command", so Azalahn won't fire him.

Added a weakness:
He has a tendency to see everything from a military point of view, and sometimes things just don't work the same way as in the army. he is slowly learning how to addjust, but the military commander and his way to look at things will probably always be part of who Azalahn is. This gives him some extra expenses and costs him some income every now and then.


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Lastly, your CD has pretty much everything required. Before I give a first approval

wow this is progressing better than I thought. but hold on hold on :)

Should we leave him with no god, can he follow the god of healing or must it be a warrior god like Ameros?

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Sense of honor and the right thing to do
He has been heavily influenced by the few virtuous people around him while he crawled his way out of the black pit his soul had fallen into, and has taken various aspect of them as his own. He is not a military officer anymore. These days the military unit means his staff, including the dark elf.
Shouldn't I define that a bit more or just leave it as it is ?
In case I should make it more detailed then I was thinking about something like :
The Serphelorian "knight" would be one of them so he would probably believe in defending the weak.
The white knights seem to have a code of ethics that is pretty similar to elven virtues :
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No other order has ever attracted so many elves as only this honors the ideals this race favours most.

"Be honest and true in all your decisions." (white knights)
"Follow the paths of Nehtor to heal the wounds of the world." (white knights)
"Respect the advise of the Elder." (white knights)
"Spend three quarters of the year in the name of all good people but one for your own soul." (white knights)
"Protect the weak" (Seyelite)
"The unit is a family and the leader is the head of the family, and will care for his men and women like they were his wife and kids" (These days his staff is the unit, including the darkelf) (my own)

I have absolutely no idea about how tall he is. If he was a human living on earth today then he would be about 2m 15 cm. But the elves are much taller in average than we are and apparently the variation is smaller than among humans.
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As far as I can tell, I'm not an expert and I'll wager neither are you, your character should be dead.
Simple I will need some help on that one.

As for weapons the Kaýrrhem use : one and two handed swords, spear, hornbow and shield.
I was thinking about having him pretty much as good as he can be with his speciality : two swords and
Very good with a bow.
Proficient with the spear, shield and two handed sword.
OK with the crossbow and mounted shooting. (The crossbow itself is an easy weapon),(Something he learned during his 10 years as a mercenary).

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As anything they train their skills to perfection before they're considered true warriors.

I really doubt i can come up with enough weakness that are strong enough without really putting him in a mental institution if he has to be perfect with all weapons: spear, shield, bow, one and two handed swords, and no he did not have his leg amputated.  

Should I assume they train to perfection with the bow and melee weapon of choice and just settle for proficiency with the rest, or should I just say he had to leave before he achieved mastery with all weapons?




Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on March 18, 2010, 02:09:59 PM
Az, what I think Mal meant about logistics, is explain it in a way a Santharian would. The word itself is fairly modern, so basically describing it would be preferred.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 19, 2010, 01:32:11 AM
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I think you mean you have a natural sense for business and you are intuitive. This does not mean you are necessarily intelligent for numbers
Lets take a look at exactly how smart or dumb he is in various areas:

He is very good at visualization 131
He is very good with logic. 135
He is average with language 95
His memory is bad. 87

so his IQ is 112 just putting him above the average category. (assuming all parts are equally important and the spread is realistic ( it probably ain't))

He is very very bad in social situations
He has really low empathy
He does a lot of things that he knows are stupid, falling in love with his sister, taking in a drow, not moving on with his life, so we could say his actions are dictated by his hearth every now and then.
Not measurable in IQ and I really don't want to know how low his EQ might be

He has intuition for good or bad deals, and together with his high logic score I would say that he is qualified as a decent businessman. His current low memory is a result of his post traumatic stress syndrome so it most likely was in the normal category when he lived back home so he learned how to count and do the calculations the hard way, he had to "study" He is also good at coming up with unorthodox tactics that might or might not work. (During his mercenary time he figured out what didn't work before they tried it on the battlefield)

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How did you learn to count?

In case he learned it from his sister:
His sister had an interest in books. Azalahn was more interested in weapons, but he didn't mind looking at the pictures. She wanted to share the rich experiences from literature with him so she started to teach him how to read, and later how to write. At first Azalahn found it booring, but as always he would do anything for her including something booring like learning how to read and with time he also learned to appreciate literature. Azalahn liked the stories about great heroes and military leaders. He sometimes told her that one day he would also become a great military leader. She told him that being a great fighter wasn't enough, he would also have to learn about numbers and strategy (She was always the smarter of the two) "If you are told that we are invaded by an army of 1500 humans from the east arriving in 3 days, and 2000 drow from the west arriving in 4 days and we get 1000 kassite riders in reinforcement from the south arriving in 2 days, what will you do with your army of say 2000 warriors?" she asked him one day. Azalahn didn't know what she was talking about, what was 1500 and all the other strange words? She explained the concept of counting and numbers to him. Then the concept of addition. He had 3000 in total and the enemies would have an army of 3500 if they were allowed to join up. Azalahn was impressed and realized her infinite wisdom, so he asked her to teach him, and so she did, first counting and all the numbers, then addition and from addition they moved on all the way to the end. (the end being whatever an appropriate level would be)  

If he learned it from his master then it is easy, he was just told to listen and learn.

(He would have learned this at the military academy if they have one, if not then from his master)
He knows about various military troop types, formations and tactics. Their strength's and weaknesses and how to use the terrain to his advantage and what type of terrain the enemy is likely to use to their advantage, when to engage and when to run etc.


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And what do you mean by "logistics"?

Knows a thing or two about how fast suplies are consumed, replaced and how much they reduce mobility .
When planing or leading a military operation he has a good idea about how long suplies will last, He knows how fast horses, men and wagons travel trough various terrain, and how much heavy loads slow them down so he knows how much large amounts of suplies will reduce mobility and how far he can travel if not expecting any chance to resupply on the way. When leading 30 men for up to 10 days then he is not more than half a day off, so worst case scenario is that 15 men will have to go hungry for a day. The focus of his training and education has not been to take care of these kind of problems so anything more than 30 warriors for 10 days or special circumstances and you start getting into trouble.

He would have learned it at the academy, from his master or from experience.

The big question is do they have an academy where they train warriors to lead other (lesser) warriors in war? if not then I have to make some adjustments in the history section.

hehe I happily forgot that military leaders should know about tactics etc, anyway I can put it back in.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on March 19, 2010, 09:13:37 PM
I think you just made a mountain out of a molehill here, Azalahn.

We just wanted a basic explanation of what you meant, not the scientific or mathematical deductions you used to come up with the strength.

Expand on what you have with an simple explanation as to what you meant, keeping terminology like arithmetic, logistics, IQ, etc,  out of it


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 20, 2010, 02:46:25 AM
The intuition in his case just means that he gets a feeling that something is wrong or everything is OK, it is not 100% reliable but it is right more often than it is wrong. If nothing else then he will hesitate and investigate a bit more before making the final decision if his intuition tells him the opposite of what his logic tells him when doing a deal.

Having a natural sense for business
Like every other merchant he knows a thing or two about how to maximice income and minimice expenses. However Azalahn is very good at it so he is much better than the average merchant in both maximicing income and minimicing expenses, he is also very good at finding new ways to make income in addition to what he allready had, and finding cheaper substitutes for his expenses. Lastly he is very good at finding the right balance between price and quality. Of course when i say he is very good then I mean very good with the things he has to work with, but with only 1 year of experience he has almost no experience and methods to work with. But he was a very good with military strategy and tactics as a mercenary commander and he has found a way to put his knowledge of strategy to good use every now and then.

Good with numbers?
Well good or bad he had plenty of time to learn, he might not be especially good with numbers but he is not exactly stupid so I don't see why he should be particularly bad with numbers. He learned what someone figured would be enough to lead men into battle and luckily that turned out to be enough to run a business as well.


so perhaps I should just make it into 2 strengths.
 and came up with 2 new. (well the military is old, but I think I should put it back in)

The ties between Azalahn and his employees goes far beyond employer and employee. He has faced and conquered death many times with his old mercenary buds. They own each other their lives more times than they can count. They have lived together in the worst of conditions. They don't expect or hope that the others would be there for them if needed, they know it. With the streetkid Azalahn and his staff have become the family he never knew. His staff is a very experienced and resourcefull group of people and the kid has eyes and ears where few others have.

Partial education 1: His master(s) gave him all the tools he could dream about in order to be a good leader in war. He is a bright man so he put the learning to very good use and with his 9 years experience as a mercenary commander he has experience as well. It would be fair to say few would like to face him as an enemy commander. Although knowledge of military formations, trooptypes and a lot of other things are worthless today then various principles in tactics and strategy can be applied to business every now and then. This helps him somewhat counter his disadvantage of no experience with business. He has also found that his ability to come up with unorthodox solutions works in business just like in combat, sometimes the solution is flawed, but if no flaw can be found when going trough it in every detail then it usually gives a very nice result just like it did on the battlefield. (Of course he won't use it if it is flawed)  

Partial education 2: Has learned to read, write, count and do the 4 basic aritmic operations. This prevents him from being cheated out of everything he owns and makes him able to do the bookkeeping, count the right amount of money etc. In short it lets him run the place.

Bright with a natural talent and intuition for business.
In general he is brighter than the averall man, but with business he is really talented. Like every other merchant his trade is about how to maximice income and minimice expenses. However Azalahn is very good at it so he is much better than the average merchant in both maximicing income and minimicing expenses, he is also very good at finding new ways to make income in addition to what he allready had, and finding cheaper substitutes for his expenses. Lastly he is very good at finding the right balance between price and quality. Of course when i say he is very good/better then I mean very good with the things he has to work with or better than others if they only had the same things to work with but with only 1 year of experience he has almost no experience and methods to work with. His intuition helps him counter the lack of experience somewhat. Sometimes he gets a feeling that something is wrong or everything is OK, it is not 100% reliable but it is right more often than it is wrong. If nothing else then he will hesitate and investigate a bit more before making the final decision if his intuition tells him the opposite of what his logic tells him when doing a deal.

The idea is that in total they more than make up for his lack of experience in business, turning him the inn from a hopeless endeavour into a thriving and successful place, so although not able to compete with the best then he is an upcoming successful businessman. (In a hundred years he will probably be filthy rich) If you are ok with it then I think I should just let him learn how to tead, write, counte etc from his sister.




Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 20, 2010, 05:02:07 AM
No need for an essay, Az! Like I said before, the CD has the essentials and I believe it's balanced. Whenever you are ready, you can have an approval from me. But you seem undecided on some things, so let us know when you are ready.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 20, 2010, 07:57:31 AM
OK did the last changes in purple
His weapons stay what they have been for a long time, modeled after the Kaierian warriors, but sword instead of whip.

Specializing in 1 (twin Liuye dao)
Highly trained in 2 (spear and bow)
proficient in most other comonly used weapons

Added the mounted combat though, since he was 100% warrior and not really ranger at all.

Edit:
Going to leave him without a specific god. His codes of ethics will stay open.

Couldn't help it, put that silly poem back in and deckorated his swords (the beige centered text in the bottom)

Think that was it.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 23, 2010, 10:31:05 AM
Azalahn, we still have a small problem with balance.

You have alot of strengths such as weapon skills, stealthm a horse, an inn, and musical ability. About half your weaknesses really do not count as weaknesses such as sense of honor, reputation, your staff, military leader and new businessman. Those are actually strengths as I see them. I suggest removing some strengths to compensate.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 23, 2010, 10:03:16 PM
Changes in Yellow


Changed the warhorse to a draft horse, turning the mounted combat to be a soso advantage.

Limited his general weapon proficiency to knives and unarmed.

Reduced him from very good to "just" good with the spear

Added a new weakness that effectively cancels his stealth training, severely limits his archery, tracking and survival skills. In effect it also gives him poor eyesight, low stamina and a medical problem. In yellow
(the low quality of the air, just means he has an alergy to something)

Added poison though.

Put in a little addition to his personality.

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reputation, your staff, military leader and new businessman
Removed



Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Alexandre Scriabin on March 28, 2010, 11:28:46 AM
Yes, you added in poison, but you weren't very specific about it. How often are his weapons poisoned? Special occasions? Where does he acquire the poison? Does he have a working knowledge of poison, and how best to apply it to his weapons? Which weapons does he use the poison with?


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 28, 2010, 02:49:59 PM
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How often are his weapons poisoned?
Well that depends on the situation. If given all the time in the world to prepare and going to war then it would be always. If going out of town to hunt then I think he would use poison on his arrow. He is shooting 1 arrow and practically shooting it blindfolded, so he needs to make sure he gets a kill even if he doesn't hit Bambi straight in the hearth, if just out for a walk on the streets then probably never. There are many different situations, but the one I think would be the most relevant would be if traveling to another town to say buy something for his inn, well the south is supposed to be peacefull so (correct me if I am wrong) there is no need to expect an orc warband, brigand army or anything a well armed and equipped group can't handle (say Azalahn, his staff and perhaps a few extra hired bodyguards) so he probably won't have any poison prepared if they run into a gang of highway men or something. But if he should somehow end up going on adventure (and looking for trouble) then I think he would have a few poisoned arrows ready, perhaps 5 and a beholder with enough to say 10 more, and it would be the most deadly poison he can get his hands on.

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Where does he acquire the poison?
Well there are several kinds of poison, let's just keep it easy and say all poisons are a mixture of plants, animal poison and minerals, (don't have to be all 3) then we can divide them into 3 categories:

1 He can collect all the ingredients himself where he is.

2 He knows how to mix the poison, but can't collect all the ingredients himself.

3 He doesn't know how to mix the ingredients.

The first one is easy, he just goes collecting. The second is a bit tricky. He has to buy the ingredients individually. In fact I think we should divide this category into 3 as well: a easy to get, b somewhat hard to get but mannagable with some digging or travel and c quite hard to get and poison being probably the only use for that ingredient.

a would be easy, he just buys it from some local merchant.
b well he would have to find a ranger, or a specialized merchant.
c well I think he would acquire that the same way as he does with category 3.

3: From the assassin guild of course... doh he is not a member :(

Well if it is just for hunting then I don't think it should be a problem to get it from some of the locals, but if it is to kill people with then he will have to go trough a middle man, this would be a problem in most cases I guess, but if around the Paelelon forest then he could use the dark elf who is working for him as a middle man. Anywhere else... well can he get an invitation to the assassin guild  :buck:

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Does he have a working knowledge of poison
Yes and no, everyone knows that f.eks a King Cobra has a very deadly poison, while it would probably require a team of specialists to produce modern nerve agents. The question is how deadly a poison can he produce and how hard will it be to get the ingredients, and of the poisons he can produce what will he settle for? Assuming that a more deadly poison will be harder to get the ingredients for.

I would say he has decent knowledge about poisons that could be produced back home, but around here ... well he knows how to produce poison that can kill a deer, since I believe that people would be more willing to share information about poisons that are meant for hunting. (if the animal takes off and he has to follow it for 20 min then it is still food when he gets home)

About poisons usable for combat (they have to work fast) That all depends on how common or rare the ingredients would be, I think he would know what animals to get poison from, but the question again will be if there are any around, if not then he will just know that there isn't any poisonous animal around this area. About plants and minerals then I would say he knows the comonly encountered things, so if there is something very common that can be used for really strong poison then he most likely knows about it, but if they are quite rare then he won't. In short it depends upon how common/rare I can assume the required ingredients would be. Just so to make things easy for you : He lives in Bardavos.

Does he know hot to apply it ? Yes.

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Which weapons does he use the poison with?

Normally only arrows, but he is not stupid so if he would have to go explore a dungeon rumored to be a hiding place for a bunch of highway men, orchs or whatever then he would also poison his swords and a knife. However I have a hard time seeing that scenario for a man who runs an inn in what I believe to be a peacefull town in an well organized kingdom.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Deklitch Hardin on March 28, 2010, 03:50:55 PM
So ... have you included a summary of the above post by you in your actual CD, Azalahn? If not, you really should do that, as that will actual assist you in the process of getting approved. It would also save time for story mods if you attempt to get into their stories, as I'm sure story mods will be interested in knowing what weapons are poisoned as well, and probably won't have the time or inclination to read through each of your posts in this thread.

In other words, give us more information about these issues in your actual CD.

Thank you


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 29, 2010, 12:28:35 AM
Some notes for myself

http://www.chinastrategies.com/blindnews.htm#The%20Boy%20Who%20Sees%20with%20Sound

http://www.jadedragon.com/archives/martarts/blindwar.html


Ok going to assume he knows about 6 plants/animals (+ a more in his homeland) After doing some more research I am getting the idea that there are plenty of venomous animals around.

Krakenweed (http://www.santharia.com/herbarium/krakenweed.htm) Used as combat poison, he would most likely have to go trough his dark elf employee to get this or travel to Marcogg.

bloodweed (http://www.santharia.com/herbarium/bloodweed.htm) It would be natural to learn how to detect a poison he works with himself.

Nightshade (http://www.santharia.com/herbarium/nightshade.htm)

Sand Viper (http://www.santharia.com/bestiary/sand_viper.htm) Used as combat poison, Don't seem to be rare in the nearby Rahaz-Dath desert so I guess he can go snake hunting himself.  

Rock Snake (http://www.santharia.com/bestiary/rahaz_estar.htm)I think he would have to buy it from the Shendar, because it seems like a quite dangerous snake.

Rainbow Serpent (http://www.santharia.com/bestiary/rainbow_serpent.htm), seems like an ideal hunting poison, he would just buy it from the Tethinrhim, probably trough the Maeverhim since they are closer.



Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on March 29, 2010, 01:36:13 AM
Ok Azalahn. We need to get you moving along here. You are already at 5 pages of comments and you keep changing your CD. I am commenting on your S&W. You are still overpowered and much of what you have does not fit properly.

Please list every strength and weakness in six or less sentences with a title. Right now, they jumble together and have too long explanations.


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Strengths:
Weapon skills:
He is a perfect master with his pair of Liuye Dao.

What is this weapon? It is not a Kayr tribal weapon. Please title each strength such as “Weapon skill: Liuye Dao”

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Highly trained with the Hornbow. But the bright sunlight limits him to be an efficient archer to around 30-60 min around sunset/sunrise or in a well lit cave, or the target is stationary and he has plenty of time to aim

There is no sense in using a hornbow with so many restrictions. So essentially you can only use the bow at night (which you can’t see) or during a cloudy day. You may as well remove this strength as it seems useless under your restrictions.

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Good with the spear. His master also made him train with the spear and he was very gifted with it. There was not as much focus on the spear training as on the twin swords and his talent although impressive is not the same as with the twin swords so he is not as good with the spear as he is with the swords, but this weapon is better able to take advantage of his extreme strength making him a  dangerous opponent with it.

Too much explanation here. You say the same thing a few times. Simply say you are mildly proficient in the spear, and it is not your preferred weapon.

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Proficient with knives and unarmed fighting, roughly equal in skills to the average Coór'hém with knives and the average orc with fists.

This is two strengths. The first means you are a proficient knife fighter equal to the average Coorhem warrior. How do you know this? Have you fought many dark elves? Do you know them well enough to compare yourself? Second, remove the unarmed fighting. Already you have too many weapon skills.

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Poison
He will use poison on his weapons.

This makes you too overpowered. I recommend removing this poison skill.

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Proficient in mounted combat and very good when using his pair of Liuye Dao and good when using the spear. He doesn't have a warhorse anymore though.

There is no sense having a mounted combat strength if you have no horse. I recommend removing this one.

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Lightly trained in stealth tracking and survival in the jungle of his homeland. He can't use his stealth for much here in Sarvonia though (sneezing). His tracking skills really can't be used for military purposes due to the different ground and variety of horses. He has learned to track a few animals though. His survival skills have been reduced to setting some snares or shooting bigger game if he has the time to aim and the animal stands still (he is shooting more or less blindfolded).

If you can’t use your stealth skills, there is no use in even listing it. You can hunt adequately, but many peasants and trackers can do that too. I recommend removing this one.

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Big and strong man
Azalahn is big and strong. He can load/unload a wagon in almost no time. He takes a box and lifts it up with little effort even one that 2 average men would struggle to lift. Today his big size and enormous strength make him almost impossible to wrestle to the ground on the rare occasion of a tavern brawl but even that is rare. He could also lift a grown man up in 1 arm and literally throw him out the door, but that would be bad for business. It has indeed only been once that he had to join the brawl and assist Aria who normally is the bouncer, but he can take over every now and then when she needs a day of.

Remove the striked out parts. Too much explanation here.

Tavern/Inn
He owns a tavern/inn this helps him make a living.

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His staff is more family than employees.
The ties between Azalahn and his employees goes far beyond employer and employee. He has faced and conquered death many times with his old mercenary buds. They own each other their lives more times than they can count. They have lived together in the worst of conditions. They don't expect or hope that the others would be there for them if needed, they know it. With the streetkid Azalahn and his staff have become the family he never knew. His staff is a very experienced and resourcefull group of people and the kid has eyes and ears where few others have. The benefit of this is that they want this inn to be a success just as much as he does, and they contribute more to it than just some arbitrary man he found and hired somewhere would. This helps make up for his lack of experience.

You really can’t count NPCs as strengths. I suggest removing this one.

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Partial education 1: His master/teachers gave him all the tools he could dream about in order to be a good leader in war. He is a bright man so he put the learning to very good use and with his 9 years experience as a mercenary commander he can be called a seasoned veteran commander, and a very good one. Although knowledge of military formations, trooptypes and a lot of other things are worthless today then various principles in tactics and strategy can be applied to business every now and then. His knowledge about how the supply lines work also comes in handy when restocking. He has also found that his ability to come up with unorthodox solutions works in business just like in combat, sometimes the solution is flawed, but if no flaw can be found when going trough it in every detail then it usually gives a very nice result just like it did on the battlefield. (Of course he won't use it if it is flawed) Like his staff this also helps him somewhat counter his disadvantage of no experience with business.

Too much explanation here. Simply say that you have a good amount of combat and leadership experience that you gained during your stint as a merc commander.

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Partial education 2: His sister taught him how to read, write, count and do some basic calculations. This prevents him from being cheated out of everything he owns and makes him able to do the bookkeeping, count the right amount of money etc. In short it lets him run the place.

You know how to read, write and count in Styrash, not Tharian. You own an inn in Sarvonia now, not Nybelmar. The system is much different, so it does no good to you now.

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Bright with a natural talent and intuition for business.
In general he is brighter than the average man, but with business he is really talented. Like every other merchant his trade is about how to maximice income and minimice expenses. However Azalahn is very good at it so he is much better than the average merchant in both maximicing income and minimicing expenses, he is also very good at finding new ways to make income in addition to what he allready had, and finding cheaper substitutes for his expenses. Lastly he is very good at finding the right balance between price and quality. Of course when i say he is very good/better then I mean very good with the things he has to work with or better than others if they only had the same things to work with but with only 1 year of experience he has almost no experience and methods to work with. His intuition helps him counter the lack of experience somewhat. Sometimes he gets a feeling that something is wrong or everything is OK, it is not 100% reliable but it is right more often than it is wrong. If nothing else then he will hesitate and investigate a bit more before making the final decision if his intuition tells him the opposite of what his logic tells him when doing a deal. This makes him able to learn the trade faster than one would expect and most likely survive in the business long enough to really learn it. Once he learns enough then he will be able to expand and in a hundred years he might end up as a rich man.

Too much explanation here. A story mod will not read this large paragraph. Try to sum this up in four sentences or less.

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Weapons and armor:
He has his old armor and weapons and keeps them in perfect condition. The armor is a platemail, his weapons are a pair of Liuye Dao and a bow

This is no longer a strength if you don’t use them. You are simply listing possessions that goes in another section at the end of the CD. I suggest removing this one.

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Sarvonian Heavy horse.
It helps him pull a cart or wagon or he can ride it if he feel lazy.

Most peasants and farmers have a simple cart horse. This is nothing special can be removed as a strength.

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Musical ability.
He has a beautiful voice and can entertain people in the tavern if needed to.

You know how to sing? Elven songs? Human songs? Or do you simply have a nice speaking voice? Explain that here – in four sentences or less.

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Weaknesses
Born and raised in the jungle of another continent.
Used to the hot and humid climate in the jungle of the Kaýrrhem where the sun that penetrates all the way to the ground is not so severe. His ancestors have lived and evolved in that climate for thusands of years. There is also always a shadow around in the jungle.

This is not a weakness. Many people are born elsewhere and move around. How does this hinder you?

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The sun is brighter here due to no obstructing trees, His skin burns easily out in the open so he has to be carefull always to cover himself from to to toe when outside for extended periods of time, this bright sunlight is also hard on his eyes, not severe enough to hinder his swordplay significantly, but it affects his archery skills and vision in general at long range during the day.

The sun is the same all over the world. How is it any brighter? If the sun is bright on your eyes, it affects everything you do in the daylight – including all fighting. But you own a tavern now, and have retired from combat. Why mention this?

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The climate here is more dry than the jungle he is used to so his skin is always dry and itchy and uncomfortable. Luckily there is treatment available, but it is not cheap and he has developed a medical dependency on the Bladeleaf when forced to be out in the open. The more dry climate and the different vegetation in the surrounding area (or perhaps a combination of the two) hurts his lungs and airways. Azalahn is built and trained for fast explosive power and combat, back in his homeland or up in the colder north he could keep on for hours and hours. Here it is like the quality of the air is half of what it is in his homeland, his breathing soon becomes heavy and sometimes it outright hurts in his lungs and airways after training if he trains in the day, he can live with the pain and damp from boiled water soon washes it away, but his effective stamina is low and that bothers him. And there is always this itchy feeling in his eyes, he can ignore it unless he has to focus his eyes on something though.

You mention several things here. Too much explanation again. Please sum this down in four sentences or less. Simply say something to the effect of the environment of Sarvonia is much more different than your jungles and it takes some getting used to. But, once you live in the new environment for so long, your body will adjust eventually.

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He has found that being nocturnal somewhat helps the problems with the sun and to a certain degree increases the quality of the air, but business must be conducted while other people are awake and his preference for the night only serves to enforce his reputation as an ally of the dark elves and worshiper of Coór, not to mention that in case the day comes when he is forced to take up weapons again then he can't go tell the enemies to only attack during the night. He is trained in stealth, but sometimes he will sneeze all in a sudden, turning all his stealth and silence to be rather useless. He used to be on the lookout for some herbs to counter it, but never found any.

You own a tavern, and stay inside most of the time. This weakness makes no sense at the moment.

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Today stealth is really not an issue so he isn't looking anymore but it is still a nuisance. His tracking and survival skills are for the jungle in his homeland. A man is a man and a horse is a horse, so he would still be able to recognise the footprints of a man and horse, but the terrain is different, so the depth is different causing him to misjudge the age of the print. There are also several different horses here, some much heavier and some lighter than the kassite horses he knows, this makes it almost impossible to judge the load the horse is carrying. The animals and plants are also different, so can't live on plants for long and the animals behave differently so hunting is more difficult than at home. He would be able to survive as a hunter here in this strange land, but it would be a hard and miserable life.

You own a tavern and no longer track or hunt. This weakness is no longer applicable unless you hunt/track for a living.


Big and heavy:
A horse will tire easily when carrying this giant of an elf. He will not fit anything that is not custom made for his size. A standard human weapon just looks like it lacks a good part of it's size when he wields it so even weapons should be custom made if they are to be used to their full effect. He eats and drinks 3 times as much as a normal man (and pays accordingly)

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Poor Tharian and a stranger.
He has only been here for a short amount of time so his comprehension of the language is vague at best He can bark orders at soldiers, order a room and food, and tell a customer the price of a beer and say a few other simple things. But that's about it. Any kind of deeper conversation like explaining why a seemingly good deal is really a bad one would be too complex. His understanding of humans and the culture here in Bardavos or any other human town is also very limited.

How do you open a tavern with such limited social skills?

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He is a lonely and miserable man haunted by his recent past.
He has seen too much death and suffering. The images and sounds of past battles, the atrocities and slaughter he committed often haunt him together with the faces of the men he has lost. Especially the face of a young lad barely out of his teens seems to stay with him and wispher in an accusing tone "You could have saved me" He has made an oath never to fight again unless justice demands it. His memory fails him every now and then and he has problems focusing on things not related to combat and survival. He blames himself for not being able to save his men and surviving the hell they lived trough. In short he has Post traumatic stress disorder of various kind.

If this wasn't enough then the pain of his broken hearth together with the guilt he feels about leaving his beloved and the constant worrying about her wellbeing as well, has driven him to the very edge of sanity. He constantly seeks physical activity to escape from the feeling of guild and loss. When too exhausted to do that he will drink alone or just sit in a corner feeling sorry for himself and thinking about a way to be permanently reunited with the love of his life. He is totally and completely unable to move on from this relationship. He has only one true goal in life: to be reunited with her. This leaves him both physically and mentally exhausted, not to mention an emotional wreck practically all the time. His drinking can be expensive and cause all the troubles intoxicated behavior is likely to cause, like stopping a well dressed elf maid on the streets who just looked like his sister, and then spending the night in jail. His state of mind also leads to perceived arrogance.

Way too much explanation here. Please shorten to at least six sentences.

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Perceived arrogance:
He is constantly tired, he is physically exhausted and his social skills were already very limited so his interaction with people is kept at a minimum. He doesn't have the time/energy to sit down and have a drink with people, stay and chat for a while. But he has time to dress up and dance with his swords alone for hours and he drinks a whole lot just not with the people in the neighborhood (he drinks alone) People don't know the real story and he would never ever tell them, so they just think that he believes he is better than they are and they are not really worth his time. He is always wearing this expensive but old silk tunic and if someone spills something on it his eyes almost explode in anger, it is a controlled anger but it is clearly there. Does he think that old tunic is some kind of a sacred garment or something? To Azalahn it probably is. It is like he is trying to flaunt some nobility/wealth that really isn't there.

Tavern owners are social people. Why do you behave this way? You only drive customers away.

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Sense of honor and the right thing to do
He has been heavily influenced by the few virtuous people around him while he crawled his way out of the black pit his soul had fallen into, and has taken various aspect of them as his own. He is not a military officer anymore. These days the military unit means his staff, including the dark elf.

Not a weakness. I suggest removing it.

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Perceived worshiper of Coór and ally of the dark elf's.
He has taken in a dark elf, every now and then when she has had a bit too much to drink she will brag about his battle proves and their heroic battles up north. She always highlights the carnage and destruction they caused. Some people suspect he has turned to Coór. Deep inside his hearth Azalahn knows that one day his sister will follow him and become an outcast as well, but he hasn't accepted it yet and most likely he won't accept it before it happens. Other people around town speculate that it is indeed the dark elf that is running the show and Azalahn must be a follower of Coór, this has cost him more than one business opportunity and more than one customer as well.

If people perceive you as a dark elf  friend and Coor worshiper, you would never have been allowed to open a tavern, you’d never have customers and you would have been driven out by the city watch or knights long ago.

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Enemies.
During his 10 years as a mercenary he has crossed blades with many. There is more than one man out there who would like to see him dead. His old captain also has a grudge against both him for leading almost half the platoon back alive (to collect salary) and the gang he kicked out of the streets also would like to get their revenge.

How often do these enemies come after you? All the time? Were you that important?


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on March 29, 2010, 04:32:18 AM
Changes in Brown, and S&W titled in blue


Sorry about the environment weakness(es) should have written them better the first time.

Rewrote the things that don't fit, and reduced the uninteresting white noise. Hope that as for the rest I might have something worth reading, but I am not always a fan of conciseness.
 
Changed his Chinese swords to elven long swords

Changed his bow from a useless combat to a hunting skill, since a free dear every now and then helps cut expenses.

Knives removed, kept the unarmed fighting instead, but it is a lesser weapon so increased his skill.

Added blindfighting to keep him at his intended level with the swords.
Is this realistic? Well legend says that a true master doesn't need his sight, but can "feel" attacks coming and openings to strike at. I think Azalahn would qualify, at least with his swords. As for on Earth today:
http://www.chinastrategies.com/blindnews.htm#The%20Boy%20Who%20Sees%20with%20Sound

http://www.jadedragon.com/archives/martarts/blindwar.html
Is it patently ridiculous to then assume that a man who has spent 200 years doing nothing but learn how to fight can completely compensate, well might just be me but I don't think so. But that effectively gives him nightvision concerning combat... Combat whit whom? He is retired in a peacefull town. If on the road then brigands can't see at night so they would attack during the day. But orcs... In southern Sarvonia?

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Too much explanation here. Simply say that you have a good amount of combat and leadership experience that you gained during your stint as a merc commander.
His business skill is changed back to the short version and the business relevance was all I wanted from this so removed.

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You know how to read, write and count in Styrash, not Tharian. You own an inn in Sarvonia now, not Nybelmar. The system is much different, so it does no good to you now.

OK now I am a bit confused. Of course he can't read/write Tharian, well he might, but just like you and me can do it in Latin, reading a bunch of meaning less words (unless you know Latin), Just learning an alphabet is easy (with exceptions) and can be done in a day or two. About numbers then I really need to get a few things cleared up. They are likely to have different names in Santharia, but for the sake of making things clear then let's use the Earth terminology here.

I am assuming that they use a positional base 10 system in Tharian, like we do on earth. The base might be different and the notation is most likely different, as for the notation then it is easy, he just needs a schroll with the following information (well Styrash isn't Chinese but it will do for the illustration)

1= 一
2 = 二
3 = 三
4 = 四
5 = 五
6 = 六
7 = 七
8 = 八
9 = 九
10 = 十
100 = 百
1000 = 千
10.000 = 萬

When the calculations are done then he just uses the symbols on the right side to write the results with. If the base is different (say 16)  then he just needs to figure out that B2A = 11*16*16+2*16+10, he can use his native system to do the calculations. If you are going to tell me that Styrash has a base 5 pure nonpositional system and we only have 2 Arithmetic operations and that elves are too traditional to adopt the sci fi human system then PLZ send me an aspirin before. If that is the case then no argument from me, except that I will rewrite a part of his history and learn the infinitely superior human numeral system.

He he just did some digging on math history. The ancient Chinese were actually pretty advanced. So if you are going to tell me how primitive the elves are then PLZ shoot me first.  ;)


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You know how to sing? Elven songs? Human songs? Or do you simply have a nice speaking voice? Explain that here – in four sentences or less.
Doubt he can sing in Tharian, making his singing a so so strength (how many elfs come to his place...) so added dancing with a few local dances.

Will a story mod assume a "very well educated" elf to be able to read/write styrash and do basic calculations? if not then I need to put that in as a separate strength.

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How do you open a tavern with such limited social skills?
He is doing the administration, planning and bookkeeping. The bartender with all his warstories and the hot waiter make up for his lack of social skills, he can't do all the work himself anyway, so it is natural that he lets people who have it do the jobs that require social skills while he can do something else. But I can add a strength like "Good with people" if you think that he would really need it. Well then I need to come up with a weakness to balance it as well. I know that running an inn is not the best thing for him to do. The ONLY thing he can do adequately if he has no way to dodge problems with lacking skills in some aspect of the trade would be to continue as a mercenary (and be left to die again), or go back home and join the military there. (and be kicked out again) Well he could live as a hunter and barely survive. (he eats 3 times as much as a normal man) So running that place is the least bad option for him, since at least he has some ways to compensate for his lack of experience and training.    

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Tavern owners are social people. Why do you behave this way? You only drive customers away.
He is simply too exhausted to sit up and chat all night. He is physically exhausted and mentally drained. Why? He has to do the book keeping and administration. Not related to combat so it takes a bit longer than one would expect, leaving him a bit tired in the head. Then he is haunted by his sister, first making him exhaust himself in whatever physical activity he can come up with, when he is too tired to continue then she will come back and stay with him til he is completely drained. He is probably too tired to be angry about someone spilling something on his tunic so removed that. He is always wearing it because she made it for him.

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The sun is the same all over the world. How is it any brighter?
Dense canopy blocks most of the sunlight from reaching the ground in a jungle. "Overall light level is about the same as twilight" Jungle Flora section http://www.storm-crow.co.uk/articles/jungle_survival.html

Perceived ally of the dark elf, changed to sheltering a darkelf. Think he would be allowed to run his business and have some customers with the changes? I know it is a big problem for the business and it is supposed to be, but it is not supposed to totally kill it.

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How often do these enemies come after you? All the time? Were you that important?
Enemies changed to paranoia, doubt he was important enough for the people up north or highwaymen, as for the streetgang then I guess they are more likely to avoid any confrontation because they are afraid of him His old captain is another story, but that's only one man and he is 15 years older now, so let's just say his old captain moved on with his life as a scumbag and forgot about Azalahn, or he tried to pull the same trick again and got killed for it.  


OK that's it, think i am going to wait for comments now.


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on April 01, 2010, 11:04:20 AM
Nice changes here, Azalahn. Good for you for sticking with this CD and working hard to get it done! :clap:

First Approval!

:nod:


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on April 02, 2010, 06:09:15 AM
Second Approval

Go ahead and remove the colour so we can get you on your way :D


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Tavern owner
Post by: Azalahn on April 02, 2010, 10:22:50 PM
hold on guys.

Need to take 1 more look at his appearance, since it has not changed much since he was Injerin/drow crossbread. And I am still working on that portrait.

Removing the colors now, and hope to have the portrait ready in a few days.  

I really would like to express my sincere gratitude to Malexia Vendu for working with me all the way to the end.

Edit:

Well seems like I can't get that portrait down to 14 kb, so lets just forget about it.

Added a violin to his possessions and adjusted his weight a bit. I am all done here. :)


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Inn owner
Post by: Malexia Vendu on April 07, 2010, 02:50:11 AM
You're welcome, Azalahn! I am glad to see you approved.

Now to summon those pesky admins to title you!

*casts a Summon Creature Admin X spell*


Title: Re: Azalahn Dél’Raguierá/Kaýrrhem/Inn owner
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on April 07, 2010, 01:49:37 PM
Congratulations, Azalahn!

Titled and Archived! :D