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Author Topic: Clurion the Wanderer // Melad'Rhim Elf // Ranger, Assassin  (Read 4953 times)
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Kain Cristar
Divine Aspect
Approved Character
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Gender: Male
Posts: 588


Elf, Co'orhem Kayrrhem


« Reply #15 on: January 14, 2007, 11:19:11 AM »

blue text is thanks to Kalina Merenwen
orange text is thanks to Twen Araerwen
Gray text is thanks to Kain

Name:
Clurion Strife

Gender:
Male

Age:
308

Height:
2 peds

Weight:
1 pygge, 5 hebs, 7 ods

Eye Color:
a very deep blue

Hair Color:
Nor'sidian

Race:
Grey Elf

Tribe:
The Melad'Rhim Elves

Occupation:
Assassin, Ranger

Title:
The Wanderer

Overview:
     Clurion the Wanderer is a good assassin as he can pick his targets from far off and shoot them as precise as if he were less than 10 feet away. He has been hired for many jobs and signs his name as "Cloud the Loner". Since he is an elf he may look like a 42 year old man that is in good shape but he has the mind of a 58 year old genius. This is why he has learned weapon skills, and yet still keeps all of them in practice and excels at them.

Physical Appearance:
     You cannot see much of him as he is hidden in a cloak and always wears gloves and boots, the only thing you can see of his true appearance is his face time to time when it is revealed. His face is rough and does not look like he has lived a happy life.[/gray] The reason for the handmade cloak to be worn all the time is to hide the scars he has gained over the countless years.everything is handmade He is a slender man that does not look very strong, but this conception is not true. He wears a medallion around his neck, this is special to him because it is the only thing he has to remember his mother and father by. Under his clothes are sacred tattoos that his parents put on him and only they and him knew what they were. No one has ever seen them except those that were lucky enough to wound him, but they were killed before they could tell anyone and the hole in his cloak patched up before anyone else saw so his tattoos are still mysterious to the world. [font color=gray]This sentence needs help. On his back is evil(this was put on after his parents death to describe the world.) On his legs and arms is a saying tattoed also after his parents death. On his arms, he has this half of the saying: "Don't make fun of it! Don't destroy it! Don't cheapen it! That one thing that everyone has that they won't give up." On his legs, he has the other half of the saying, "Only love! Only dreams! Only you! Those are the only thing I won't let go, ever!" He lives by this saying as it is the saying that his family has lived by for generations. how can he live by this and be an assassin. There is no love in killing, unless he is insane.

Clothes:
     Always in a handmade, pitch black cloak with little red clouds that look like they are swirling sewed onto his cloak, you cannot see his clothes as he hides them by wearing his cloak every minute of the day and night(he bathes with it on as he only stands under running warm water to bathe). He also wears handmade, black gloves and handmade, black boots that match his cloak. Another thing he wears is a hat passed down in his family that looks like a hat used to work in fields only it has tassel like things hanging from it. I'm thinking that in santharia that kind of hat is not used. I am assuming that you mean to describe those asian hats He also wears a medallion around his neck.

Personality:
     Is good to get along with unless picked on. He cares more for his teammates safety more than his own. He is a loner and does not spend time with others unless helping them with their problems, physical or emotional.The only time he has had team mates to care for is before his mother and father died."Clurion the Wanderer" is solemn and lonely. He doesn't like do be looked down upon or criticized. Although he is caring for others, do not expect this as a complete weakness. This is only when they are hurt and it is safe to help them with their wounds, but if they are in trouble then he will defend them with his life. He is always in a depressed mood,ever since his parents death and he left his clan, even though it does not look like it. He never sulks around because he has grown tired of crying and sulking. He has no other feelings, because there is no one close to him in the world anymore. this is very immature look on life, especially for a creature so ancient as an elf

Strengths:
*very agile- with this agility he is able to hide quickly and move and act faster.
*very sharpeye- because of this he can see really far and pick out even the tiniest item on something.
*very good senses- this can help him by letting him be able to detect someone or something coming or pick out things easier.
*Dual wield- able to dual wield his customized tonfas and use them in combat exceptionally well.
*fa-ton- able to wield and use very well in the midst of combat. what is this?
*Marksmanship- able to use almost any type of bow but prefers his father's bow that was passed down to him.
*crafting- he has the ability to craft tonfas, bows, arrows, and clothes.
*speech- he is able to somewhat communicate with Mithral wolves from the time spent with them.
You forgot your wolf pack in and of itself, as well as his capacity as an assassin.

Weaknesses:
*can lose temper easily- because of this he can go out of control and attack his own team mates.
*will not pay attention to his own wounds unless pointed out by others because he has been scarred so much he does not feel the pain.- because of this he can have a loss of too much blood leading to to him fainting and maybe even his death.
*persistence- will not run away even when the odds are grim.
*bad left shoulder- due to a arrow through his shoulder, his left should every now then causes him sharp pains making him unable to use it.

As was stated before, you lack balance. You are a learned assassin, trainded in the arts of combat and capable of sneaking, hiding, and using a vast array of weapons with great proficiency, but in return you can lose your temper easily (something very mundane, I lose my temper easily), don't feel pain (which is also a strength), are persistant (also a strength) and have a bad shoulder (which means you can only use one deadly weapon). I want to see something real here.

History:
     He was born in the the Melad'Rhim tribe, and lived there for 140 years. His mother was from the Melad'rhim tribe, but his father was from the Eophyrhim tribe. His dad moved there because he met a woman he loved and decided to live with her since they both weren't that rich so he could help her along with her life where she was. On his 47th birthday, he was given the medallion that was passed down from his mother. On his 100th birthday, his dad gave him a field hat as a present which was passed down in his family. When he was 107, a lone wolf came near his house and he asked if he could play with it and his dad let him. They wrestled some and got along well. one does not simply wrestle with a lone wolf. Utterly ridiculous. After some time, the wolf wandered around his house some and accidentally got attacked by someone from his tribe. He loved the wolf so much that he buried him off in the woods and gave him a small stone tombstone. He visited the grave everyday. After a while, they rebuilt their house with the help of him and lived there till he was 140 and then some elven bandits raided his house and killed his parents. These bandits were just some rebellious kids kids that left their tribe. It sort of seems ridiculous that you ask for us to read over your CD, and yet it is full of simple grammar errors. Read through your history and fix it up They won the fight because of their numbers. Before this happened though, his parents had a plan just in case something like this happened for him to survive. He was lucky and they didn't find him. After that, he added the tassels to his field hat for every bandit that attacked his family. He also stopped visiting the wolf's grave as he forgot about the wolf with all of the missions. what missions, this is begining to read like a bad japanese translation. Why did some elven kids (people easily as learned as most middle aged humans) kill your parents? It doesn't fit with their society or thought process. You seem to just be trying to find some simple way to kill off your parents. It seems strange to me that your character would go through all these esoteric rituals in order to help greive for his parents death. How can he live by a poem describing love as the only answer, and then equate lives to tassels? Things don't seem to fit, his mentality seems to be something you created to simply connect the dots, his life is simply a series of points to get to some sort of destination.

     Then he suddenly disappeared and only appeared time to time in the Eophyrhim Elven tribe, where he is seen talking to strange men. What? He snuck in their and started taking jobs and no one knew who he was but never could catch him, because he was only seen at one place for so little of time. so little of time? What is he doing? Why is he doing whatever he is doing? After while though he bought a home and started living there. Since his dad was a part of their tribe they allowed him to live there as long as he didn't do anything to get negative attention. You could only tell it was him if you saw his medallion dangling from his neck that has never been clearly seen. In the time that people had no idea where he was, unless they saw him in town, he took up the name of "Cloud the Loner" and learned many things like how to craft his own items such as clothes and weapons. When learning the arts of crafting, he kept to himself and did as he was told and when he was done he thanked the teachers what teachers, who is teaching him and what are they teaching him? I got the impression that he was teaching himself how to craft such things. and just left.
     At the age of 287, he decided to go through the woods for a stroll one day and came across a Mithral wolf pack. The pack leader decided to attack him but since he had feelings for wolves cause of his experience with them, he decided not to kill it but to do what he was taught and bite it on the ear. The whole pack would attack you, and you wouldn't stand a chance as an untrained elf against a wolf. It would tear your throat out if you tried to bite its ear. One doesn't simply bite an alpha wolf on the ear and have it submit to him. Things are not that simplistic After wrestling with it a little, he bit it on the ear and it jumped away and showed submission to him and gave him control of the pack as the leader. I don't see this happening. It was at this time that he remembered his old pet wolf and decided to buy a real tombstone and carve into it himself and wrote "a very good friend, pet, and a extremely good brother. I will miss you forever." Since then he visits the grave everyday like he used to and has kept his newly formed pack together and helped bring up the little ones. after a few years, he start learning their language and thus can now communicate with them though not able to very well. Mithril wolves are not sentient, and therefore have no language beyond behavior motions of the body. Your character would have a very difficult time communicating with the wolves as you lack the organs they have, such as a tail and mobile ears.

Why would he join an adventure. He returns everyday to his homeland and is followed by a pack of wolves. I cannot see this character getting into an rp

Weapons:
Handmade longbow, handmade arrows, and two handmade customized fa-tons(A weapon that i have been approved to make just need more detail and to get fully approved.) I would like to know what this mystery weapon is. Also, like I said before, everything is handmade. No one has any kind of tool or artifact that is not made by hand.

Belongings:
Only carries his own homemade weapons and clothes. Besides that he carries a mysterious medallion that is ever hardly visible that was given to him by his parents before they died.

Familiars:
He has a small wolf pack of about 5-10 You need an exact number strong Mithral wolves he gained at the age of 287, most of them left but he kept a few and lets a few leave each mating season after the previous young wolves have grown up. Though the mainly stay in their territory, they sometimes come and help him with missions or come home with him to his house and spend a few days with him at a time. This does not fit their behavior. You would have to conform to their pack, they wont just change the way their instinctual behavior works in order to fit you.


Where in his history did he learn to be an assassin.
Logged

You have lived a life of cruelty and atrocity, you have bathed in the blood of the innocent, you have considered every act of depravity and your corruption knows no bounds. I am the angel of justice, I am the accumulation of all of your sins. Prepare for your redemption.

-Kain Cristar, Divine Aspect
Thróg'Shireníc
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 152

Elf, Melad'rhim


« Reply #16 on: January 22, 2007, 06:51:05 AM »

Ok, its the 8th day since my last comment so can I please get one pretty soon? Please and thank you.
Logged

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Kain Cristar
Divine Aspect
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 588


Elf, Co'orhem Kayrrhem


« Reply #17 on: January 22, 2007, 08:48:31 AM »

blue text is thanks to Kalina Merenwen
orange text is thanks to Twen Araerwen
Red text is thanks to Kain Cristar

Name:
Clurion Strife

Gender:
Male

Age:
308

Height:
2 peds

Weight:
1 pygge, 5 hebs, 7 ods

Eye Color:
a very deep blue

Hair Color:
Nor'sidian

Race:
Grey Elf

Tribe:
The Melad'Rhim Elves/Eophyrhim Elves

Occupation:
Assassin, Ranger

Title:
The Wanderer

Overview:
     Clurion the Wanderer is a good assassin as he can pick his targets from far off and shoot them as precise as if he were less than 10 feet away. He has been hired for many jobs and signs his name as "Cloud the Loner". Since he is an elf he may look like a 42 year old man that is in good shape but he has the mind of a 58 year old genius. This is why he has learned weapon skills, and yet still keeps all of them in practice and excels at them.

Physical Appearance:
     You cannot see much of him as he is hidden in a cloak and always wears gloves and boots, the only thing you can see of his true appearance is his face time to time when it is revealed. His face is rough and does not look like he has lived a happy life. The reason for the handmade cloak to be worn all the time is to hide the scars he has gained over the countless years. He is a slender man that does not look very strong but this is not true. He wears a medallion around his neck, this is special to him because it is the only thing he has to remember his mother and father by. Under his clothes are sacred tattoos that his parents put on him and only they and him knew what they were. Not many people have seen these tattoos as he patches up any holes in his cloak. Also, most people who cause these cuts in his cloak are killed before they could tell anyone. On his back is evil(this was put on after his parents death to describe the world.) On his legs and arms is a saying tattooed also after his parents death. On his arms, he has this half of the saying: "Don't make fun of it! Don't destroy it! Don't cheapen it! That one thing that everyone has that they won't give up." On his legs, he has the other half of the saying, "Only love! Only dreams! Only you! Those are the only thing I won't let go, ever!" He lived by this saying as it is the saying that his family has lived by for generations. But when his parents were killed, he abandoned the saying but left it on to remind him of his parents. Dont you think that after 200 years of mourning, he would grow up?

Clothes:
     Always in a handmade, pitch black cloak with little red clouds that look like they are swirling sewed onto his cloak, you cannot see his clothes as he hides them by wearing his cloak every minute of the day and night(he bathes with it on as he only stands under running warm water to bathe) Where does he find running warm water? Also I assume that this practice would leave him quite pungeant, which might be a weakness for an assassin.. He also wears handmade, black gloves and handmade, black boots that match his cloak. Another thing he wears is a straw hat passed down in his family that looks used to work in fields only it has tassel like things hanging from it. He also wears a medallion around his neck.

Personality:
     Is good to get along with unless picked on. He cares more for his teammates safety more than his own. He is a loner and does not spend time with others unless helping them with their problems, physical or emotional. The only time he has had team mates to care for is before his mother and father died."Clurion the Wanderer" is solemn and lonely. He doesn't like do be looked down upon or criticized. Although he is caring for others, do not expect this as a complete weakness. This is only when they are hurt and it is safe to help them with their wounds, but if they are in trouble then he will defend them with his life. He is always in a depressed mood, ever since his parents death and he left his clan, even though it does not look like it. He never sulks around because he has grown tired of crying and sulking. He has no other feelings, because there is no one close to him in the world anymore. As I have said before, I don't think this personality is befitting of a person with the mentality of a 58 year old genius. Overall he seems more like a 16 year old child. He is not only contradictory, bing solemn and lonely usually means no fun to be around, he is childish and insecure. His personality still seems like a bunch of traits you just tossed together so that he will act the way you want him to in certain situations. Why is he so lonely? What teammates? Lastly, how does this person who deep down inside seeks to help people become an assassin. Assassins kill people for money.

Strengths:
*very agile- with this agility he is able to hide quickly and move and act faster. faster than what?
*very sharpeye- because of this he can see really far and pick out even the tiniest item on something.
*very good senses- this can help him by letting him be able to detect someone or something coming or pick out things easier.
*Dual wield- able to dual wield his customized tonfas and use them in combat exceptionally well.
*fa-ton- able to wield and use very well in the midst of combat.(still in process of being made)
*Marksmanship- able to use almost any type of bow but prefers his father's bow that was passed down to him.
*crafting- he has the ability to craft tonfas, bows, arrows, and clothes.
*assassination skills- able to use stealth and quick killing.

I thought you had a bow with which you could kill from great distances?

Weaknesses:
*can lose temper easily- because of this he can go out of control and attack his own team mates. This is something that should be in your personality section. Why would he attack some one he considers a team mate, and what team is this exactly?
*will not pay attention to his own wounds unless pointed out by others because he has been scarred so much he does not feel the pain.- because of this he can have a loss of too much blood leading to to him fainting and maybe even his death. This is as much a strength as a weakness. In fact, I have seen it used twice as a strength
*persistence- will not run away even when the odds are grim. Also as much a strength as a weakness
*bad left knee- due to a arrow through his knee, his left knee every now then causes him sharp pains and locks up. This isn't enough of a strength to balance out your weaknesses

History:
     He was born in the the Melad'Rhim tribe, and lived there for 140 years. His mother was from the Melad'rhim tribe, but his father was from the Eophyrhim tribe. His dad moved there because he met a woman he loved and decided to live with her since they both weren't that rich so he could help her along with her life where she was. help her how, the tribe is fairly self sufficient, no one is really in need. It works like a community in which everyone does their part. They can fall in love and the father could be accepted into the tribe an they can have a child together. How does a Eophyrhim elf get all the way up to he Melad'rhim's anywho? They seem like the kind to stay in their own little patch of the forest, and not wander around. Since he was young, he always wanted to learn the ways of assassination Why? Why does killing people seem like such a draw? Why this morbid facination?. So his parents taught him what they could and said he could go learn from a master one day First off, why do his parents know anything about murder, and why would they teach it to their son? It seems more than slightly sick that they would teach him how to stab people in spare "family time.". On his 47th birthday, he was given the medallion that was passed down from his mother. On his 100th birthday, his dad gave him a straw hat as a present which was passed down in his family. After a while, they rebuilt their house What happened to the house? I thought he was living with the nomadic Meladrhims? with the help of him and lived there till he was 140. After a while his parents got a disease and just died away. Than why is he so lonely and morose? Why doesn't he get over the fact that everything dies and move on with life? I need you to stop giving quick answers to my questions, stop and think about who this character is, and what happened to make him that way. Once you do that, you will have a real character. You are still just trying to connect the dots, and you are never going to get an indepth, interesting, and sencible character out of that. You want to play an assassin, an assassin who is aloof and cool and powerful. Well, what made him that way? You want him to have inner pain, pain that he cannot be free of, that haunts him and burdens him. Well, why does he have that pain? What makes Clurion, Clurion, and for that matter, What Is Clurion. Who is this elf?
     Then he suddenly disappeared and only appeared time to time in the Eophyrhim Elven tribe, where he is seen talking to strange men for quests and other things of the sort. After while though he bought a home with his saved up money and started living there. Since his dad was a part of their tribe they allowed him to live there as long as he didn't do anything to get negative attention. You could only tell it was him if you saw his medallion dangling from his neck that has never been clearly seen. In the time that people had no idea exactly where he was, unless they saw him in town, he took up the name of "Cloud the Loner" and learned many things like how to craft his own items such as clothes and weapons. He also started back up his assassin training. When learning the arts of crafting and assassination What is driving this elf, who had such a bright and cheery childhood, to learn how to kill?, he kept to himself and did as he was told and when he was done he thanked the teachers and just left. Left to where? Your character has to end up in Santharia. Who is it that is teaching him, are there simply a group of assassins hanging around the grey elfs?

Weapons:
*Handmade longbow
*Handmade arrows
*Two handmade customized fa-tons(A weapon that i have been approved to make just need more detail and to get fully approved.)

Belongings:
Only carries his own homemade weapons and clothes. Besides that he carries a mysterious medallion that is ever hardly visible that was given to him by his parents before they died.


You need a good history that creates a character, and a personality that is real. If you want those two tribes to be yours, you need a very good reason for it. If it were me, I would have the father be one of the Hounds of Paelelon, and is hired to kill a Maladrhim woman who had passed of the affections of a particularly ruthless human noble. When he came to kill her, he found her beauty beyond words, and found that he could not do the deed. Instead he wooed her and they wed, having one child, clurion. Of course having one of your mercs not finish a job is bad for your reputation, and after a year or so, annother Hound come a knockin, to find what happened to your father, and to finish the job. Your father kills him, and realizes that his son is going to need to defend himself, (perhaps he realized this earlier) So you are trained in the ways of killing. After a long while three of the Hounds come and kill your father and mother, though you are able to fight your way out, perhaps you sneak up behind the last remaining one and peirce him through, or shoot him from far away, or whatever it is that your character does. In your own cold and calculating way, you realize that the people of your father are great killers, and you could learn much from them, so you travel down to the Forest of Paelelon and through some effort are able to "befriend" a hunter enough so that he allows you to come into the forest with him. You eventually become accepted as a part of the tribe, perhaps partially becuase you are partially their blood, and, though forced to live in the top most branches, beging to learn the ways of the hunter. Their skill in bows and poisons is much like the skills of an assassin, and so now you get more of an assassin's lean to your style of killing. This is all assuming that this character enjoys killing things, it gives him a sort of power trip, a sickly divine feeling that he can't get enough of. After a while animals are not enough for you, and you kill a (small girl, boy, man, woman, whatever) and are chased out of the forests. Now you live as an assassin for hire in southern sarvonia. Simple as that. Of course one would have to explain why you use these tonfa's rather than the blackened scimitars of your warrior people, but thats all its own thing.
Logged

You have lived a life of cruelty and atrocity, you have bathed in the blood of the innocent, you have considered every act of depravity and your corruption knows no bounds. I am the angel of justice, I am the accumulation of all of your sins. Prepare for your redemption.

-Kain Cristar, Divine Aspect
Thróg'Shireníc
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 152

Elf, Melad'rhim


« Reply #18 on: January 22, 2007, 08:58:42 AM »

Dead topic can someone delete?
Logged

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Kain Cristar
Divine Aspect
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 588


Elf, Co'orhem Kayrrhem


« Reply #19 on: January 22, 2007, 09:08:32 AM »

Perhaps if you are going to not do a character, it is best not to complain that no one has read it. I just spent half an hour working on that uri.  buck
Logged

You have lived a life of cruelty and atrocity, you have bathed in the blood of the innocent, you have considered every act of depravity and your corruption knows no bounds. I am the angel of justice, I am the accumulation of all of your sins. Prepare for your redemption.

-Kain Cristar, Divine Aspect
Weivóc'Neán
Forsaken
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 471


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #20 on: January 22, 2007, 09:09:57 AM »

sorry about that its just that i realize with what you said i messed him up way too much and he aint working out how i wanted so im osrry about that kain its just that i didnt know i messed him up.
Logged

RP'ing: Speech Thoughts
A link to my CD: Weivóc'Neán

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
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