Ask Necro

[Seh'nara Celebrindal]

You're in a padded room and trapped by this crazy AI gone insane. Sonic and his gang is beside you playing Mario. Behind you, you can hear the screams of people as they're subjected to an unending loop of Barney's "I Love You" song. You have two choices now. A: Be forced to watch Teletubbies over and over again while dressed like the green TB or B: Take the place of one of the poor tortured souls in the Barney room.

Assuming that you have nothing but a towel (As in, nothing. The towel is for modesty.), what would you do to get the meaning of life and thus escape?

[Isoto]

why?

[NecroMage]

Greetings Puny Mortals!

it's a bit more work, but I definitely think it's worthwhile to use the official evil emoticon.

It's official.

Pikel: Well, Dictionary.com defines an illusion as something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality. But I'm not Dictionary.com, so I'll define it with song, as per usual. Douglas!

Doug appears holding a B.C. Rich Dagger electric guitar strapped over one shoulder.

Let's kick it.

NecroMage raises a hand and unloads several thousand volts into Doug's body, causing bright blue ripples of lightning to crackle off of his body. Doug takes a claw to the strings of the guitar and begins playing upbeat metal riffs.

Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad...

But don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel?
When things go wrong I seem to be bad.

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good!
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood!

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
that I never meant to take it out on you!
Life has its problems, and I've got my share,
But that's one thing I never meant to do, 'cause I love you!

Oh baby, don't you know I'm just human?
And I have thoughts like any other man.
And sometimes I find myself long regretting
Some foolish thing, some foolish thing I've done!

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good!
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood!

Seh: Cast Fire 3. There's not a whole lot of situations a good casting of Fire 3 won't fix.

Iso: Why not?

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good!
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood!

Baby! Do you understaaaand me now?
Sometimes I get a little mad...

And so, NecroMage and Douglas 2 played long into the night, neither suspecting that anybody was recording their performance in a vile attempt to bring disco back. Because honestly, who, besides Necro himself, would want to? That's right. Nobody. Now go the hell to bed, children. I need a drink.

[Grunok the Exile]

I was talking to a friend today, and she was complaining about something or other.  I decided that the cure to her troubles was to move to America.  Being half Canadian, she disagreed.  Anyway, my question is, if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Oh, and Bug wants to know where Doug would live *rolls eyes*

[Capher]

Grunok...I am thrilled to see you!!...*tears of joy*

[NecroMage]

Greetings Puny Mortals!

I'm presently recovering from a weekend of marathon gaming the likes of which you mortals have never experienced in your short, pointless existences. After this post I'll be playing Diablo 2 before heading off to work backshift for a sick coworker. Because I'm awesome.

Grun: 24 Sussex Drive, Ottawa, Ontario.

Bug: Stornoway.

Capher: NecroMage sighs, shadow emanating from his body. He raises his hands and the earth beneath Capher's feet liquefies into muddy, bubbling swamp water. Churning and gurgling can be heard as putrid hands break forth from the surface of the water, grasping and latching onto him, pulling him down into the murky blackness.

There are things beneath the murk for whom the bog is a stew, a thin broth in need of meat...

[Alexandre Scriabin]

One question, what happened to this thread?

I lied, the second is what is shinier than a star? The burning trousers of an irishman?

Lastly, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop? I came up with 2,006 once, but my mother told me to knock it off, so I bit it a few licks away from ultimate ninja status. Please restore my awesomeness with your omnipotence. 

[Malach Oronne]

Mighty NecroMage!

this may have already been asked, as I didn't read anything past page 1, but I doubt it:

If you were stabbed or shot in the stomach, would you feel agony, be writhing in pain and all that good stuff, or would you cease to feel anything from shock?  Obviously, I'm talking PRIOR to death in case anyone wanted to make some smart response  .  See, I'd try it myself, but not many people get out of those scenarios to discuss it  

Oh yes, and I don't mean YOU personally, see?  I mean when the average, insignificant mortal gets stabbed or shot.

Ah!  Thought of another question!  
What would happen to a music-to-colour, and vice-versa, synesthete who watches the Disney movie "Fantasia"?  If you know what all of those words are and what "Fantasia" is, you should easily understand my curiosity...

[NecroMage]

Greetings Puny Mortals!

*Blows on a streamer as confetti falls from the ceiling*

It's mah birfday Puny Mortals! My buh-ba-ba-ba-buh-buh-birfday!

Well. Not really.

BUT, the fifth anniversary of my appearance in this realm did occur recently. And, me being my usual punctual self, missed the day of for posting.

WHATEVAH.

I found it amusing that my fifth year on santh was so close to my 500th post mark. Considering I don't have a CD up and running again, and use a different account on the dev board, that's approximately 100 OOC posts a year.

And remember, unlike the vast majority of you, I only post things people will read. No "Corrupted wish machine" or "Random thought thread" garbage bloating my post count. I hate those things.

Now, on to the answering of the tiny mortal people who were so kind as to revive this thread from like, page 3.

Alex 1: In short, bitches bein' bitches.

In tall, some bitches decided to waste valuable front page space on the gen ooc board with time killing forum games instead of doing something productive with their fleeting human lives. Such behavior is commonplace on most forums, which was one of the main reasons I stayed on santh when I first showed up; that shit wasn't there.

Regardless, the combination of actual posts and pointless time wasters began bumping this lovely thread to the second page somewhat regularly, which makes it less likely for people to post questions, making it less likely the thread will ever resurface because I'm not n00b enough to bump myself back up. If nobody's asking for my brilliance, I'm not offering it.

Alex 2: Your Mother.

Alex 3: Ho boy. Um. That's an interesting question. I mean, to a lesser man "The burning trousers of an Irishman?" isn't even a question at all. But not I, no sir. I see the question mark for what it is: A challenge. It is the gauntlet that has been thrown in the dirt, and I am the man who is going to pick it up and slap you across the face with it. That is what I do. My raison d'être, as it were.

Now. To answer your question fully, we have to analyze the variables. Firstly, what are trousers? Dictionary.com defines trousers as:

"a usually loose-fitting outer garment for the lower part of the body, having individual leg portions that reach typically to the ankle but sometimes to any of various other points from the upper leg down."

Judging from this, we can all agree that trousers do in fact exist.

Next, the adjective burning. The Arreat Summit defines burning as a magical prefix that denotes a +1 to Sorceress Fire Spells, such as Hydra or Inferno. However, as we are all well aware, Sorceresses do not wear pants. Such barbaric garb interferes with their arcane craft, or some other effeminate nonsense.

Women. Am I right fellas?

Lastly, there is the wild card in any situation: The Irishman. Here's where it all pulls together. The Irish have a rich mystical heritage dating back to time immemorial. Which, admittedly, could be this morning for how much those people drink. But, the Irish are clearly tied to the element of fire. The red hair, the flammable nature of alcohol and shamrocks, the celtic tradition of burning and pillaging and just how darn funny it is when they catch alight and start yelling for help in that accent. So kuwaii!

So, in summary. The burning trousers of an Irishman? Up to personal interpretation, really. I'll leave it up to you, Santharia, to come to your own conclusions.

Then tell you you're wrong and that the answer is no.

Alex 4: One lick, if it is long enough. But that's gross, so knock it off.

Mal 1: I would feel what I feel every waking moment of every day. A dull, constant rage deep within my heart that threatens to grow beyond my control and make me kill all of you. And hunger. And so very, very alone.

...so alone...

Mal 2: Ah. I do see. Well then. *ahem*

Mal 1 Redux: It would depend on many factors. The nature of the wound, the individual who received the infliction, how many people I offended with my third reply to Alex were in the room, whether or not a butterfly in China had flapped its wings just so, et cetera ad infinitum.

Mal 3: Gary Busey

That's all from the capital wasteland for today chilllldren. This is Three-Dog, OWWWWT!

[Mila Metariel]

If war should break out in Far-East Asia after the development of a serious Nuclear Program in North Korea, would China (as in, the big one, not Taiwan) side with the UN or NK?

[Thodin Coldflame Lomin]

Greetings Big Mortal!! 

I'm wearing a shirt that's fiery and possess a serious threat to the world as we know it. So my question is, if a giant meteor hits the Earth and if the two of us are immortal, and if were both going to beat each other up, what color our or socks going to be considering that we're wearing black shoes and leather pants?

[NecroMage]

Greetings Puny Mortals!

Post 500. Go me.

Mila: Based on their reaction to the latest scare I'd say they'd be against North Korea, if they were the aggressor. I, of course, will side with neither entity, instead favoring the seclusion and safety of my very own underground Vault Tec enclosure and a silenced 10mm pistol.

Thodin: Although I find it unlikely our clothing would survive the meteoric explosion, if it managed to my socks would be black and yours would be rocked off by my 1337 skillz.

[Mallorix Volinkov]

O, great necromancer, what lead you to the art of Necromancy? Was it the prospect of having mindless minions serving you?
Also, have you read The list of things you should do if you are an evil overlord?

[NecroMage]

Greetings Puny Mortals!

Rammus' voice clips were decidedly boring considering his alleged personality. He should've been punning all over the place.

Mall 1: The utility of it. Necromancy is far from the strongest form of magic, but it's quite versatile. Sure, summoners need nothing but mana and force of will to bring forth minions, while a necromancer requires something to animate. And there are many forms of pure destruction magic that don't rely on tapping into the targets or the caster's life force. And healing magic obviously has the best forms of true revival magic once the body has begun to decay. But if one is willing to jump through a few hoops, and abandon a few social restraints, then they will be one of the more versatile mages around who is capable of focusing on one school of magic rather than dividing their focus, and thus their total power.

Mall 2: I like to call them meat shields.

Mall 3: Yes. I agree with most of them.

[Alexandre Scriabin]

Assuming you're enough of a man, here is another doozie.

A man wearing hiked up biker shorts in rural Italy?

And what is he cooking? Mind you, you're not allowed to bring up blood sausage, because that is mainly Parisian, maybe it might appear more in the densely populated areas of Italy, and the Italians may have really perfected blood sausage, but it's still a french dish; and none of that American Lasagna crap, I would like to see things like clay oven rainbow trout and Taro Leaves (which are indeed used in more countries than just India) ground into a marinara base.

Also, as an icing on the cake for this quiz, no. The answer is no if you want to crack out the oregano and call that horse#$%t a real marinara base.

Now are we clear? I expect A+ answers from a man of your mental stature.

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