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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.  4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
 2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.  5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
 3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.  6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Gondroc'nushoc, Losh-oc orc,Ashzuck warrior  (Read 5404 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
lukecash
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« Reply #15 on: January 15, 2007, 10:45:33 AM »

I guess i could say that he had a warlord who took him under his wing, and taught him the finer edges of combat.
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Leida Kereborn
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Human, Helcrani


« Reply #16 on: January 15, 2007, 10:50:31 AM »

That does sound more plausible.  I don't know too much about orcs though, so I can't say whether that would actually happen.  You may want to field that question in another area of the forum, see if someone more knowledgable of orcs. 
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"They'll build a statue of us, then later say it's all our fault."

"Wherever you go, you have your rump behind you."
lukecash
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« Reply #17 on: January 15, 2007, 10:51:52 AM »

That seems like something that would happen all the time in every civilization, so i don't see why i'd need to post a query, but sure, i'll go for it.
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lukecash
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« Reply #18 on: January 15, 2007, 12:48:37 PM »

I won't be on for a bit, because i'll be at my mom's house for a week, so see ya guys next sunday.
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lukecash
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« Reply #19 on: January 16, 2007, 04:53:48 AM »

Well, i'm back for today, so lets get this crazy bastard approved.
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lukecash
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« Reply #20 on: January 16, 2007, 05:17:15 AM »

bla, please help me get approved, you evil aliens from mars.
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lukecash
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« Reply #21 on: January 16, 2007, 05:31:33 AM »

Go on, read it!
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Thróg'Shireníc
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Elf, Melad'rhim


« Reply #22 on: January 16, 2007, 05:36:08 AM »

you need to quit commenting on yourself once every like 30 minutes or so but just wait until 3 days later if you had no comment or it moved to the second page so please quit commenting again and again cause it does get annoying when people are trying to do something else but they check anything new.
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Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
lukecash
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« Reply #23 on: January 16, 2007, 05:42:04 AM »

k.
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lukecash
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« Reply #24 on: January 16, 2007, 08:21:18 AM »

k.
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Kain Cristar
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Posts: 588


Elf, Co'orhem Kayrrhem


« Reply #25 on: January 16, 2007, 09:27:05 AM »

Alright, comments in blue

Name
Gondroc'nushoc

Gender
Male

Height
2 peds

Hair
Shaved

Eyes
Red

Weight
3 pygges

Age
35

Race
Orc

Tribe
Losh-oc

Occupation
Berserker warrior

Title
Ashzuck warrior

Overview
Well, basically, he's an orc, what can I say? He kills pretty much everything he sees, just for fun. Even the Losh-oc are not that violent And if you want to pick a fight, you'd probably lose, unless you were someone like Ne'iav'rine or something. Feels ker-awesome. I would cut that part out. Instead just note that he does not often back down from a confrontation, and many would be assailants soon find themselves broken into a bloody heap He's VERY stupid, and he picks way too many fights, but I guess that's something he can do, since he's got himself a good two handed sword, and he's experienced enough to kill some stupid troll. The constant use of stupid and such gets old. Instead note that he has the skill and strength to drop a troll on a good day. Tell you what though, you don't want to get in a fist fight, because he's got claws and teeth that he loves to use. The informal tone isn't what we look for here. Instead just note that he is an experianced hand to hand warrior, and has no qualms with ripping his opponenents throat out with his teeth an nails.

Physical Appearance
Well, he's about two peds tall, kind of large for an orc, but hey, why not? It's not like there aren't ANY orcs like that, and it doesn't exactly give him an advantage over trolls. Don't explain yourself in the cd. you are not writting this to explain why you made this character, you are simply describing the character. He's very muscular, because of all the bar fights he's been in, and the hard liqour sure does a good job of letting you barf off all the fat, don't you think?  He's got fairly the same structure as any other losh-oc, so if you don't know how losh-ocs look, then you're probably too new or unresearched to even want to comment peoples cd's eh? Cut this sentence out and describe him for Ava's sake! He's a green skinned dude, and he's got a pretty cool helmet. what about the helmet? A full helm, a skull cap, what?
   
Clothes
He wears any normal stuff you could get a primitive idiot like him to put on, otherwise he would just run around naked fighting people all day. But when he's out looking for some monsters to kill, then he wears chainmail with some plate on his shoulders, pelvis, and hands. He's got a decent helmet to wear on his face, because he's no panzee like the newbies on the front line What front line, and cut the informality.. But he only has those at home, he usualy walks around as any other berserk you might see. people do not often see losh-oc berzerkers, they are fairly far off from most civilization

Personality
Well, what can i say, he doesn't trust too many people, he's paranoid, and he loves to fight. You wouldn't exactly like him unless you were an orc too, but it comes in handy to have an idiot in the group what group? Remember that this is not DnD to kill anything big thats stupid enough to attack a group of travelers guarded by a crazy lookin ugly thing with a huge sword and crossed, drunken eyes. He gets pretty mad when you talk about trolls though, and if you push the subject, regardless of who you are, he will stick his Khrumm in your chest and dig it in deep, and seconds later he'll fling you off of it into some bush on the side of camp,which is likely to be your grave. But he can work in the same group as a troll if the evil thing would leave him alone and not look in his direction at all.
   
a) Strengths

Strength-Well, he's got plenty of girth and you'd have to be strong to run around killing trolls and getting in bar fights all the time. Especialy proven by the fact that he hacks stuff with his huge, two handed claymore.

Aim-He doesnt exactly always miss, mostly because of the fact that he's pretty experienced from the crapload of skirmishes he's been in.

Endurance-He's been knocked upside the head a million times in his day, so don't expect to kill him quick. I'm not saying he's unstoppable, but how can pain drop him on the ground when he's                   totally boozed up all the time? He probably wouldn't feel it, or even care if some stupid halfling stuck a dagger in his gullet.

Expert longsword-He can easily heft his sword, and it's practically an extension of his arm when he uses it, he's hacked a few heads off in his day.


 Losh-Oc'B'rak Fighting-Even if he is disarmed, he's been in many duels in his life, so an unarmored opponent should most likely cover his neck so it doesn't get gouged by orc teeth.

b) Weaknesses
Fights too much-Well, what else would you think? You probably wouldn't expect him to get people to like you unless he was hangin out with another of his orc buddies. He always picks fights, every where he goes, and he even picks some with people too strong for HIM! He'll even try his chances with a gang of trolls if he's drunk too much.(that's pretty much all of his waking life that he's that drunk)

Hate of panzee races-Don't expect to have too many gnomes near him for long, or else he'll be cookin himself some good old fashioned gnome stew.

Illiteracy-Well duh, he can't read. So don't ask him to read you some elven magic tome, or he'll just cut off your limbs and eat them with some booze and his usual cooked pig.

Slowness-He travels slowly, because of his heavy armor. And also it gives a rogue an advantage over him, although it would be gone once he got in one hit on the little thief.

His consistant drunkedness would be a weakness. Why doe he need to drink so much?

History
He used to live in his homeland when he was a young pup, and his parents were just as violent as him. But after a decade of him living, his parents died fighting trolls in the wilderness.(no wonder he fights trolls so much)This made him a litle bitter, but mostly, he just didn't care, and continued to fight any other orc stupid enough to challenge such an alphamale. Basically, when he was 17, he was   bored of having such a panzee warlord, so he killed the wuss in a duel. From seeing that impressive display, a greater warlord took him under his wing, and taught the young orc the finer points on handling swords and weapons, along with the simplicity of orcish polotics?. Afterwards he just skirmished the enemy like crazy what enemy and what war?, and almost started a war again, which seemingly made all the other stupid lugs mad, so they stripped him of his title.(apparently no one was willing to duel him.) This doesn't fit orcish society He really didn't care at all, and fought as a seasoned vet in whatever warlord's army he could find. By this time he was about 23, and very young for being an azshuck, so of course he wasn't getting much respect from the other orcs of his class, so after he turned 27 he left home and decided he'd find some more fights to pick with trolls and such, and that's what he been doing all these years, pretty much, besides adventuring a bit and killing any other adventurer stupid enough to look at his sword and crossed, drunken eyes, and actually be drunken enough himself to cross the crazy orc. This section needs work. Be serious about it and write a serious story

Weapons
A huge, two handed claymore, and of course, his orcish warbow. He can't do much with the bow, but the string's good for choking people when he drops the sword.

Belongings
Pretty much nothing, but his armor, weapons, and scalps that he's collected for fun.

Familiars
He doesn't ride anything, because he thinks that steeds are for the frail, like the gnomes he frequently lunches on.


I'd like any comments you have, so lay them down. I know his history and personalities aren't long, but i did that because i wanted him to be simplistic.

I want you to change the stlye of this CD. As it is it wont ever get approved. There is a character simply called Machrebs Ork, or something like that. Find that CD and read it.
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You have lived a life of cruelty and atrocity, you have bathed in the blood of the innocent, you have considered every act of depravity and your corruption knows no bounds. I am the angel of justice, I am the accumulation of all of your sins. Prepare for your redemption.

-Kain Cristar, Divine Aspect
Gararion
Wind Waker
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Gender: Male
Posts: 3372


Elf, Ylfferhim


« Reply #26 on: January 16, 2007, 09:45:17 AM »

Comments in red

Name
Gondroc'nushoc

Gender
Male

Height
2 peds

Hair
Shaved

Eyes
Red

Weight
3 pygges

Age
35

Race
Orc

Tribe
Losh-oc

Occupation
Berserker warrior

Title
Ashzuck warrior

Overview
Well, basically, he's an orc, what can I say? He kills pretty much everything he sees, just for fun. And if you want to pick a fight, you'd probably lose, unless you were someone like Ne'iav'rine or something. He's VERY stupid, and he picks way too many fights, but I guess that's something he can do, since he's got himself a good two handed sword, and he's experienced enough to kill some stupid troll. Tell you what though, you don't want to get in a fist fight, because he's got claws and teeth that he loves to use.

Physical Appearance
Well, he's about two peds tall, kind of large for an orc, but hey, why not? It's not like there aren't ANY orcs like that, and it doesn't exactly give him an advantage over trolls. He's very muscular, because of all the bar fights he's been in, and the hard liqour sure does a good job of letting you barf off all the fat, don't you think? He's got fairly the same structure as any other losh-oc, so if you don't know how losh-ocs look, then you're probably too new or unresearched to even want to comment peoples cd's eh?  This comment is uncalled for.  You are more likely pushing people away from commenting on your CD then getting only those people that know what they are doing.  I've been here for over 5 years and have held many positions within the board.  I feel that there is way too much information for one to memorize on this site, as well as it tends to change occasionally.  Thus when ever I read a CD, I always do research while I am reading if I am unsure of the topic.  Should I stop commenting now because I know little of this Orc Tribe?  The reason why we ask you to describe him is for when you join a story, it makes your life easier if you help the other players out.  People will be lookign at these sections, personality and appearance to see what your character looks like.  He's a green skinned dude, and he's got a pretty cool helmet.
   
Clothes
He wears any normal stuff you could get a primitive idiot like him to put on, otherwise he would just run around naked fighting people all day. But when he's out looking for some monsters to kill, then he wears chainmail with some plate on his shoulders, pelvis, and hands. He's got a decent helmet to wear on his face, because he's no panzee like the newbies on the front line.  Wearing a helmet makes him not a panzee?  I do believe that in war, all the soldiers who defend the castle tend to wear helmets. They must not be panzees as well.  Interesting.  But he only has those at home, he usualy walks around as an other berserk you might see.  Berserker's tend to wear different clothing depending on the lands they come from.  Some barbarian may wear little protective armor where others prefer the threatening appeal of an vicious attire.

Personality
Well, what can i say, he doesn't trust too many people, he's paranoid, and he loves to fight. You wouldn't exactly like him unless you were an orc too, but it comes in handy to have an idiot in the group to kill anything big thats stupid enough to attack a group of travelers guarded by a crazy lookin ugly thing with a huge sword and crossed, drunken eyes. He gets pretty mad when you talk about trolls though, and if you push the subject, regardless of who you are, he will stick his Khrumm in your chest and dig it in deep, and seconds later he'll fling you off of it into some bush on the side of camp,which is likely to be your grave. But he can work in the same group as a troll if the evil thing would leave him alone and not look in his direction at all.
   
a) Strengths

Strength-Well, he's got plenty of girth and you'd have to be strong to run around killing trolls and getting in bar fights all the time. Especialy proven by the fact that he hacks stuff with his huge, two handed claymore.

Aim-He doesnt exactly always miss, mostly because of the fact that he's pretty experienced from the crapload of skirmishes he's been in.  Aim with what?  His bow?  I thought you said he couldn't do much with it.  Or aim with sword?  please be more specific.

Endurance-He's been knocked upside the head a million times in his day, so don't expect to kill him quick. I'm not saying he's unstoppable, but how can pain drop him on the ground when he's                   totally boozed up all the time? He probably wouldn't feel it, or even care if some stupid halfling stuck a dagger in his gullet.  Just keep in mind that even though he didn't care, the dagger would still have effect due to lack of blood.

Expert longsword-He can easily heft his sword, and it's practically an extension of his arm when he uses it, he's hacked a few heads off in his day.


 Losh-Oc'B'rak Fighting-Even if he is disarmed, he's been in many duels in his life, so an unarmored opponent should most likely cover his neck so it doesn't get gouged by orc teeth.

b) Weaknesses
Fights too much-Well, what else would you think? You probably wouldn't expect him to get people to like you unless he was hangin out with another of his orc buddies. He always picks fights, every where he goes, and he even picks some with people too strong for HIM! He'll even try his chances with a gang of trolls if he's drunk too much.(that's pretty much all of his waking life that he's that drunk)

Hate of panzee races-Don't expect to have too many gnomes near him for long, or else he'll be cookin himself some good old fashioned gnome stew.

Illiteracy-Well duh, he can't read. So don't ask him to read you some elven magic tome, or he'll just cut off your limbs and eat them with some booze and his usual cooked pig.

Slowness-He travels slowly, because of his heavy armor. And also it gives a rogue an advantage over him, although it would be gone once he got in one hit on the little thief.  So I assume that this slowness carries over into his fighting as well.  Thus making his movements powerful but slow.  this will also help balance out his weaknesses and strengths

History
He used to live in his homeland when he was a young pup, and his parents were just as violent as him. But after a decade of him living, his parents died fighting trolls in the wilderness.(no wonder he fights trolls so much)This made him a litle bitter, but mostly, he just didn't care, and continued to fight any other orc stupid enough to challenge such an alphamale.   Basically, when he was 17, he was   bored of having such a panzee warlord, so he killed the wuss in a duel.  From seeing that impressive display, a greater warlord took him under his wing, and taught the young orc the finer points on handling swords and weapons, along with the simplicity of orcish polotics. Afterwards he just skirmished the enemy like crazy, and almost started a war again, which seemingly made all the other stupid lugs mad, so they stripped him of his title.(apparently no one was willing to duel him.)He really didn't care at all, and fought as a seasoned vet in whatever warlord's army he could find. By this time he was about 23, and very young for being an azshuck, so of course he wasn't getting much respect from the other orcs of his class, so after he turned 27 he left home and decided he'd find some more fights to pick with trolls and such, and that's what he been doing all these years, pretty much, besides adventuring a bit and killing any other adventurer stupid enough to look at his sword and crossed, drunken eyes, and actually be drunken enough himself to cross the crazy orc.

Weapons
A huge, two handed claymore, and of course, his orcish warbow. He can't do much with the bow, but the string's good for choking people when he drops the sword.  okay, I read above that you said you would plunge your Khrumm into the chest of people.  Is this the claymore that you are talking about?  If so, then perhaps make note of it here.  Also note, the Khrumm is compared to a scimitar rather then a claymore.

Belongings
Pretty much nothing, but his armor, weapons, and scalps that he's collected for fun.

Familiars
He doesn't ride anything, because he thinks that steeds are for the frail, like the gnomes he frequently lunches on.  If he doesn't have a familiar, then you don't need to include this section within your CD.
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lukecash
Guest
« Reply #27 on: January 16, 2007, 09:54:53 AM »

Well, i've fixed a few of those, and i'll tell you when i'm done.
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Leida Kereborn
Wandering Opportunist
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Posts: 147


Human, Helcrani


« Reply #28 on: January 16, 2007, 10:03:12 AM »

Make sure to put your changes in another color, so people reading it can tell what's been edited.  Also, put the appropriate icon up (the pencil) when it's being changed.
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"They'll build a statue of us, then later say it's all our fault."

"Wherever you go, you have your rump behind you."
Gararion
Wind Waker
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Gender: Male
Posts: 3372


Elf, Ylfferhim


« Reply #29 on: January 17, 2007, 12:14:08 AM »

Never really been a fan of the changing color thing, though I suppose if people find it useful go ahead.
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