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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.  4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
 2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.  5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
 3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.  6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Grant Rothman, Hero, White Knight  (Read 3567 times)
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Grant Rothman
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« on: January 14, 2007, 02:13:29 PM »

Name: Grant Rothman
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Race: Half elf
Tribe:
Occupation: Knight
Title: Hero, White Knight
Character Portrait:

Height: 2 peds 1 fore
Weight: 2 pygge
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Flame red

Physical Appearance:
Grant is a tall , slender man of excellent stature. A prominent aquiline nose and delicate facial features - a strong angled jaw, a defined mouth with slightly curved lines and light straight brows make this man very handsome. His sharpe angled ears give evidence to his elven blood. His face is eligently complemented by wavy flame red hair that reaches to his shoulders, covering up te evidence of his elven blood. His chin is also addorned by a small spiked goatee.

Cloths: He most commonly is seen walking around town in expensive and ornamental armor of Santharian design and painted pure white. His plate mail tho ornamental looks to be thick and good in a fight. Around his shoulders is a fine and expensive looking dark blue cape with red lining, two golden medallions with Wyvern figures etched into them hang at his shoulders connected by a golden string at the mouth of each Wyvern so his cape shall not fall from his shoulders. At his belt is a handsome sword sheathed in a magnificent shield, with golden silk drawing a dragon figure into it. The sword looks to be a longsword, the handle is made of gold and in the pommel is a handsome ruby.

Personality: He is charistmatic, that much is very clear, but he is also a master of words. He often finds himself able to manipulate others through flirting, though he detests it.
Strengths and Weaknesses:
A) Strengths:
The power of words: He had always since a child been able to deal with problems by simply talking his way out of it.
Knowledge: The man he had grown up with had taught him all he needed about the world, the ways of the sword, and how to heal.
Looks: He had always been handsome, causing him "problems" with the ladies.
B) Weaknesses:
Words: Although he is a wordsmith he can also be alittle sarcastic causing him to get in trouble with the guards or in many fights.
Anger: He is very short tempered and get's heated if he is beat.

History: (Alright, I suck at history so I will make it quick and see please send back feed back for it)

Grant was born on the isle of Nybelmar in a small remote coastal villiage. His mother was a beatiful noble elfess. Grant's father was unknown even to his mother for they both had met at a bar one night. Grant had never known his mother but all he did know was that she had come to the bar one night when no place to stay and nothing but the eligent cloths on her back. The owner of the shop had sheltered her as his own, and for some reason it seems she had gotten in with a rogue/bandit clan.she met him at a Tavern one late night. His mother had died from the hard labor, causing Grant to be raised by rogues. Men without homes, murderers, and thieves. Grant at the early age of eight had mastered the art of fighting. Martin, the leader of the bandits raised Grant, sheltering him as his own son, teaching him everything he had known about Fighting.
 ((I need some help on this...I'll finish later))
Weapons: A large, dark as night axe is strapped to his back. The orgins of the axe are unknowned, although some say they were forged in some dark lords forge. Two drow blades are sheathed at his waist.

Belongings: A dark looking necklace hungs loosely from his neck.





« Last Edit: January 16, 2007, 04:20:25 AM by Grant Rothman » Logged
Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2007, 04:25:07 PM »

Hey, Grant! Welcome to Adventure of Caelereth.

  I'm not a moderator, my CD's not yet even approved.  All the same, would you mind if I make a few comments?  First, I really enjoyed your Physical Appearance and Clothing descriptions--vivid detail, thorough descriptions.  Well done!

"Height: 2.5 peds, Weight: 2 pygge"
  --Just checking: Are you really 8 feet tall, and still weigh only 200 pounds?  Not challenging, just asking.  For comparison, the tallest man in the NBA, Yao Ming (I think he's the tallest), stands 7 feet, 5 inches tall and weighs 296 pounds.  Then again, he's not a half elf!

"Physical Appearance:
Grant is a tall , slender man of excellent stature. A prominent aquiline nose and delicate facial features - a strong angled jaw, a defined mouth with slightly curved lines and light straight brows make this man very handsome. His sharpe angled ears give evidence to his elven blood. His face is eligently complemented by wavy flame red hair that reaches to his shoulders, covering up te evidence of his elven blood. His chin is also addorned by a small spiked goatee."
  --That's great!  Really rich detail, particular mention of ethnic characteristics while still including his idiosyncratic features.  Just well done!

"Cloths: He most commonly is seen walking around town in expensive and ornamental armor of Santharian design and painted pure white. His plate mail tho ornamental looks to be thick and good in a fight. Around his shoulders is a fine and expensive looking dark blue cape with red lining, two golden medallions with Wyvern figures etched into them hang at his shoulders connected by a golden string at the mouth of each Wyvern so his cape shall not fall from his shoulders. At his belt is a handsome sword sheathed in a magnificent shield, with golden silk drawing a dragon figure into it. The sword looks to be a longsword, the handle is made of gold and in the pommel is a handsome ruby."
  --This was actually my favorite paragraph to read.  Your descriptions of his garb are so intricate, I'm looking at Kent up-close, scrutinizing who he is without missing a step.  This is good stuff.   :D

"Personality: He is charistmatic, that much is very clear, but he is also a master of words. He often finds himself able to manipulate others through flirting, though he detests it."
  --Wait, that's it?  You started off like William Tell's Overture, throttling forward full-speed, and give a hiccup to 17 years of psychological maturation?  This is who you are, man!  I want to know what's your baseline termperament--do you have a hair trigger, are you a Cool Joe, are you remorseless and cruel?  What motivates you to strap on your sword day to day, or rather, what would motivate you to draw your sword?  Start there, and see where you wind up.

"Strengths and Weaknesses:
A) Strengths:
The power of words: He had always since a child been able to deal with problems by simply talking his way out of it.
Knowledge: The man he had grown up with had taught him all he needed about the world, the ways of the sword, and how to heal.
Looks: He had always been handsome, causing him "problems" with the ladies.
B) Weaknesses:
Words: Although he is a wordsmith he can also be alittle sarcastic causing him to get in trouble with the guards or in many fights.
Anger: He is very short tempered and get's heated if he is beat."
  --At last, a fighter whose first and last phrases *AREN'T* "way lethal...I slaughter everything within half a mile with a single sword stroke..."  I enjoyed that your stengths were knowledge and looks, not special ways to kill faster--there's a time and place for that, just not in your CD.

History: (Alright, I suck at history so I will make it quick and see please send back feed back for it) (That's okay, mine sucks, too.  It evolves with each revision.)

Grant was born on the isle of Nybelmar. His mother was a beatiful noble elfess. Grant's father was unknown even to his mother for she met him at a Tavern one late night. His mother had died from the hard labor, causing Grant to be raised by rogues. Men without homes, murderers, and thieves. Grant at the early age of eight had mastered the art of fighting. Martin, the leader of the bandits raised Grant, sheltering him as his own son, teaching him everything he had known about Fighting."
  --Okay, this is a decent skeletal outline; now add flesh to the bones.  He was born on Nybelmar, which is interesting because... (It IS interesting, just fill in more info, please!)
  --His mother was a noble elfess, beautiful no less--excellent!  But you tease with a start, and leave it dangling with out further flourish.  How about what tribe is she?  Is she Coór'hém, raven-haired and pale-skinned, or Quaelhoirhim, with high cheekbones and graceful fragile features?
  --Regarding his father,...I'm certain it's happened before, it's just not that common for creatures that live 500 or 600 years to have a one-night stand.  Is *anything* known about Grant's father, even one line? "He was an enchanter; magic sizzled in his aura, and Grant's mother recognized from the moment she laid eyes on him." 
  --Who are these rogues?  Why do they care about Grant?  How'd they advance his journey toward becoming a White Knight, one of the highest esteemed and self-disciplined order of knights in Santharia?
  --Okay, I get that Martin takes Grant under his wing, and thus teaches him his toughness in a fight.  Can you illustrate this?  "One day, Martin pulled Grant aside. 'Grant, you're not a boy anymore, and it's a dangerous world outside that door..."

"Weapons: A large, dark as night axe is strapped to his back. The orgins of the axe are unknowned, although some say they were forged in some dark lords forge. Two drow blades are sheathed at his waist."
  --DOH!  You gave a glorious description of a handsome, ruby-pommelled longsword sheathed to your waist in your Clothing section--why drop it for 2 Drow swords?  Besides, who says Drow swords have to be better than human swords?  :P

As Han Solo said, "That's great, kid!  Don't get cocky."
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"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."  --Master Yoda
Kelancey the Green
Thróg'Shireníc
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Elf, Melad'rhim


« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2007, 10:19:21 PM »

"Height: 2.5 peds, Weight: 2 pygge"
  --Just checking: Are you really 8 feet tall, and still weigh only 200 pounds?  Not challenging, just asking.  For comparison, the tallest man in the NBA, Yao Ming (I think he's the tallest), stands 7 feet, 5 inches tall and weighs 296 pounds.  Then again, he's not a half elf!

i would also like to point out the other part of this that even though he is a half-elf, there is prolly no chance fr him to be this height because only a few elven tribes are 2,5 peds tall and with him only having half their blood(by some way) he still wouldnt have their full height.
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May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Grant Rothman
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Posts: 6


« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2007, 04:42:54 AM »

Umm, thanks guys. You both helped alot. But I don't know if the converter works right. How much is 6'7?

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Leida Kereborn
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« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2007, 04:48:07 AM »

It's about 2 peds, 1 fore.  A ped isn't exactly 3 feet (from what I've read on the dev boards) so you'll get about 6'7" with that measurement.  Even if your a nailsbreadth off, I'm sure the mods won't chastise you too badly.  grin
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"They'll build a statue of us, then later say it's all our fault."

"Wherever you go, you have your rump behind you."
Amaria
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Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2007, 05:14:13 AM »

I think I may be able to help you a bit on your history. What you need to do is get your character from birth till 'today' when Grant is 17. Clancy gave you a lot of good advice, just make sure your history makes sense within Santharia. :) My commets will be teal.

History: (Alright, I suck at history so I will make it quick and see please send back feed back for it) Obviously this will be removed before your final check.

Grant was born on the isle of Nybelmar. His mother was a beautiful noble elfess. Grant's father was unknown even to his mother for she met him at a Tavern one late night. What type of elf is she? I'd love to hear about what a beautiful female elf was doing in a tavern, perhaps even how old she is. It should be noted that human/elf chances of pregnancy are extremely low. Maybe you can tell us about the father, even if nobody else knows.
His mother had died from the hard labor, causing Grant to be raised by rogues. How in the world did that happen? Why did they want to take a baby boy? Was his mother friends with the rogues? Did they come upon her body? This is too interesting to leave it be. Men without homes, murderers, and thieves. Grant at the early age of eight had mastered the art of fighting. What type of fighting? Wrestling, swords, knifes? Martin, the leader of the bandits raised Grant, sheltering him as his own son, teaching him everything he had known about Fighting. I think you'll need to add Martin's information earlier in order to explain why the rogues were willing to put money and effort into raising a child.


As for the rest of your history make sure you address how you got your sword by the age of seventeen. Remember the issue of strength when it comes to children mastering weapons (half elven children especially). You mentioned in the general question that you want Grant to start off less heroic and become that way. Please fascinate us with the story that will change his path so throughly.

If after all that you still have problems with your history PM me, I love long stories.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2007, 05:20:40 AM by Amaria » Logged

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. -Anon
Grant Rothman
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« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2007, 05:23:34 AM »

I'll use everyone's help. I think I'll actually stay with this game afterall, even the regualar players are willing to help :)
« Last Edit: January 15, 2007, 05:26:07 AM by Grant Rothman » Logged
Thróg'Shireníc
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« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2007, 06:19:44 AM »

of course we will help you, this place is for people to come together, make friends, and have a really good time.
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May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
lukecash
Guest
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2007, 06:43:29 AM »

Why is he so young? Seriously, he couldn't be any sort of knight hero at that age, realistically, he would be a page right now, cleaning swords and getting ready to swear into service for his king when he reaches his early twenties. I'm not trying to be critical, but he needs to be a bit older to fit that title.
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Thróg'Shireníc
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« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2007, 06:46:55 AM »

actually no he doesn't and i see where you are getting some of your stuff from(fire emblem) but yeah he doesn't need to be older because it depends on background, how good you are, lineage, and all that stuff but yeah at that age he could be a knight but it does seem a bit unbelievable but yes it is possible.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2007, 06:47:37 AM by Clurion » Logged

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
lukecash
Guest
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2007, 06:49:32 AM »

You didn't describe his personality very well, you made him look vivid, like a true artist, but any good novelist knows the characters needs to live, and breathe, and have philosophies. Is he simplistic? Paranoid? Violent? Prim and proper? Thinks he a charmer with the ladies? Some twig brained hero who chases after damsels in distress when the creature is nothing but a simple pawn of the true perpetrater?



I'm not saying that the description isn't good, but he needs to live and breathe before people. You need a descriptive personality so that you can interact with people in the roleplaying world without being so random. You didn't give us enough to know if he's talkative or not, or even what circumstances may cause him to be easily angered or fight?
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Grant Rothman
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« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2007, 06:53:05 AM »

I understand this. I am going to do alot more upgrading/editing after I am done with the history.

Edit: Also, read my post in the generel forum Clurion.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2007, 06:56:05 AM by Grant Rothman » Logged
Leida Kereborn
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« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2007, 06:57:21 AM »

No time to do a full on Uricheck (read: too  lazy to do one at the moment. :D) but I do have a question.  If he is so naturally charismatic and eloquent, why does he hate using these skills to get what he wants?  He knows he's got charisma and could probably flirt his way off the chopping block, but maybe he feels it makes him...I don't know, like a sex object?  Perhaps women have always looked at him as just a "charming boy," flirting with him when he is just trying to ask a question.  Perhaps it has always gotten him into trouble with their husbands, without any intention on his end.  There are a lot of ways that could go, especially if he was such a rogue in his youth.  It's looking good!
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"They'll build a statue of us, then later say it's all our fault."

"Wherever you go, you have your rump behind you."
Thróg'Shireníc
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« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2007, 06:58:23 AM »

like i said depending on how you grew up you could be one at the age. my explanation if this happen would be that after awhile and you were caught and proven guilty for your crimes that the king decided to make your punishment to serve as a knight but then you found out you liked it so you decided to devote your life to it.

that is just one of many ways but choose how you want.
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May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Kain Cristar
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« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2007, 09:11:17 AM »

Actually, I think it will take some time before he can become a knight. Knighthood is a position of honor, something you have to work to achieve.
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You have lived a life of cruelty and atrocity, you have bathed in the blood of the innocent, you have considered every act of depravity and your corruption knows no bounds. I am the angel of justice, I am the accumulation of all of your sins. Prepare for your redemption.

-Kain Cristar, Divine Aspect
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