* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Calendar Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Embed Maximize


Newbies, read these!

Character Creation
FAQs
Restrictions

Main Site
Portraits
Rules
Story Creation
Racial Crossbreeding
Magic

Contact
Tips and Tricks
IRC Chat
Measures Converter
Elven Aging Calculator

- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.  4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
 2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.  5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
 3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.  6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
Pages: [1] 2   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: Motzamora  (Read 3970 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Vaan
Guest
« on: January 19, 2007, 01:33:21 PM »

Name: Motzamora shyhoryu

Race: human

Tribe:cetoraurian

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Eye color: green

Hair: black

Height: 2 peds

Weight: 1.9 pygge

Title: The Silent Shot

Physical appearance: Motzamora is hearty and fit, yet very skinny due to a high metabolism. He has a crippled leg and strong arms. He has a scar on his back from a sword accident, and one on his right arm from a fight he was in as a child. he has very thin eyebrows and small ears. He has a tattoo of a dragon starting on his neck and ending at the waist line. He has a short rounded nose and a regular sized mouth. He has a small tan from working outside

Clothes: Motzamora wears a leather tunic with his family coat of arms on the back.a belt with a gold belt buckle and a string for his sword sheath. He also wears a pair of  black, weathered leather pants, boots made of leather with iron guards on the top,a brace on his left leg, a small cloth hat with a small dragon wing on it. and a fur cloak made from the first wolf he killed with his bow as a child.

Weapons: a centoraurian short sword, a long bow

Occupation: formerly sold horses, now revenge seeker

Personality: vengeful. He will use any reason to kill someone who gets in the way of his goal, and will never stop until he reaches that goal. He will usually stay to himself and doesn't join groups or teams unless he has no other choice, because he feels that anyone else will get in his way of his goal. he never talks to anyone unless they know something about the bandits who killed his parents. He never stays in one place for too long. preferring to travel alone to make the most of his time. always believes his parents are watching over him during his travels.


Strengths: -he is fast and agile
-very intelegant
-good accuracy.

Weaknesses: - Motzamora has a tendency to be over confident and rush into a situation head on when the fight is clearly over his head
- Matzamora’s left leg is slightly crippled after a horse kicked him in the leg.

Possesions: his parents left him the stables, their special trained horse, their house, and a knife that was passed from father to son for 9 generations in their family.

History:
As a young child he always looked up to his father as a rancher, and his mother as an archer. When he was 6 he took his mothers bow and started shooting it at night. One night his mother saw him. when he was 7 he got a sword and a bow from his mother for his birthday. he was a natural with the bow after his mother taught him how to use it properly, but wasn't as good with the sword. His father did not approve of his training with the weapons. But motzamora did anyway,  when he was 8 he was kicked in the leg by a horse when he approached it's baby to feed it too quickly. he soon recovered but never recovered completely.

 Then when he was 9 years old his father and mother both died during a bandit raid. The bandits seemed to be after the horses. Then with his last breath motzamora’s father said that in one of the saddles were some diamonds and that they needed to be hidden. Motzamora knew the perfect place to hide them. He used the arrow crafting skills his mother taught him and put the diamons on his arrows. Now he was left with his uncle ( who was out of town during the raid) to run the stable. in about 2 years they together got the business back on track and were selling more horses than ever, and he was only 11.then when he was 17 his uncle passed away, and now he had to run the business by himself using all of the knowledge his father and uncle had given him.

 it has been 4 years since he took over, and he is one of the most successful sales persons in santharian. then another group of bandits raided the town again, searching for the diamonds. and they took all of his horse away. motzamora went out to seek revenge on the bandits after learning from the town priest that they were the same group that killed his parents. he then saw a cloud of smoke farther in the woods. he went there and found the bandits searching the horsesfor the diamonds. motzamora went in and killed all but one bandit. he questioned the bandit to the were abouts of there leader the bandit then said "I'll tell nothing". the bandit pulled a knife and killed himself. motzamora turned and set off to find the bandit leader to avenge his parents.
« Last Edit: January 21, 2007, 02:25:34 AM by motzamora shyhoryu » Logged
Mina
Ávash'deláey
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 2099



« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2007, 01:48:50 PM »

...and you might want to have a look at the main site, as well as the 'Character Creation' page linked to from the menu on the left. 
Logged

Leida Kereborn
Wandering Opportunist
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 147


Human, Helcrani


« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2007, 02:59:59 PM »

You must must read through the main site.  Karate, gi's, katanas and black belts don't exist in Santharia.  There are tribes of men who use fighting styles similar to karate, but not the same and not called by that name.  There's a lot of interesting information in The Dream, so take a look round!
Logged

"They'll build a statue of us, then later say it's all our fault."

"Wherever you go, you have your rump behind you."
Vaan
Guest
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2007, 01:53:34 AM »

ok. now i think i have a good character. if anyone notices any problems, please tell me. grin
« Last Edit: January 20, 2007, 02:27:12 AM by Vaan » Logged
Weivóc'Neán
Forsaken
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 471


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2007, 06:23:44 AM »

well one issue is your display name has to match you character name.

to change this, ogo to profile up top and then click look and layout prefrences and change your display name to match your character name.
Logged

RP'ing: Speech Thoughts
A link to my CD: Weivóc'Neán

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Vaan
Guest
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2007, 06:28:30 AM »

now lets hope this is ok. im geting tired of haveing to change this so often grin
Logged
Zarra
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 40



« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2007, 06:38:43 AM »

I'm having to change mine a lot too. Up to the point that I just did whole sections over. No worries though, it'll stop eventually. I can see some improvements that can be made in your cd though.
Logged
Vaan
Guest
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2007, 06:43:07 AM »

Like what. grin
Logged
Zarra
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 40



« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2007, 06:49:33 AM »

Well, to start with, you need to be more descriptive, most of all in personality, clothes, and of course history. Add details to you cd, thats what they like. I suggest you take a look in the Approved Characters Archive to see what they expect.
Logged
Zarra
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 40



« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2007, 06:52:31 AM »

Oh, and a helpful tip, I recommend you see if you can get Clancy the Green to take a look at your cd. He's good with pointing out mistakes.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2007, 06:54:00 AM by Zarra » Logged
Leida Kereborn
Wandering Opportunist
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 147


Human, Helcrani


« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2007, 06:56:59 AM »

Like Zarra said, it's all in the details.  We're not asking for pages of it, but we do want more than a couple of sentences for each thing.  Personality and history, especially, should be very specific.  We want to know how your character acts on a daily basis, what he thinks and feels, if he's trusting or suspicous, angry or calm, optimistic or looking for the next rain storm.  "Very quiet" and "laying low" aren't really a personality.  Is he talkative, creative, funny, arrogant?  Does he have misplaced anger, or pride?  The history is too brief, also.  It's highly unlikely an 11-year-old would have the knowledge or clout to run a successful horse business, regardless how much he watched his father.  What plague did his parents die in?  This isn't medieval Europe, so the bubonic plague doesn't exist, and the last plague to hit Nyermersys happened around 600 b.S. (i.e. nearly 2200 from the current date, I think...either way, a long time ago).   Why didn't Motzamora live with relatives, or friends?  Surely his parents had some of those who would have taken him in; and if they didn't take him in, there must be a valid reason.

Also, if he is a horse salesman, what is he doing getting into fights?  Where has he learned all this accuracy and fighting ability?  More mundanely, where does he live?  Why is he so skinny (6' and a 100 pounds?  That's a stick!)?  What does he look like (you have no physical description, which is required)?  Rp'ing isn't all about battling, so don't focus your personality and strengths/weaknesses only on fighting.  Your character should be realistic, and fit into Santharia.   

Lastly, the name Motzamora Shyhoryu doesn't really sound particularly Centoraurian.  Look around the site at some famous people or even other approved characters from that area and figure out what an appropriate name would be.  Also, it's not necessary, but for clarity's sake, you might want to put your strengths and weaknesses under separate headings, and then make each one a bullet point with a little explanation of why it is a strength/weakness and how it helps or hinders him. 

Remember that CD approval is by no means a one or two day process.  But it will happen as long as you stick around. ;)
Logged

"They'll build a statue of us, then later say it's all our fault."

"Wherever you go, you have your rump behind you."
Weivóc'Neán
Forsaken
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 471


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2007, 07:09:28 AM »

Comments in the ever ugly Orange

Name: Motzamora shyhoryu although this doesnt sound right it doesnt matter as it is your name and anyways take a look at mine. im positive mine isnt elven

race: human

tribe:cetoraurian

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Eye color: green

hair: black

Height: 2 peds

weight: 1 pygge

title: the silent shot

occupation: sells horses

physical description:  this is a required field

clothes: A leather tunic, leather pants, boots and a fur cloak need more description like tell us what type of boots and what everything looks like and what its made of and stuff

personality: very quiet. usually lays low until a fight comes along.  you need alot more like a paragraph here because like leida said, this is one of the most important things as it tell us how and why he acts like he does so that we know if it souds like you instead of you just being random all the time

strengths:
*fast-
*very intelegent-
*accuracy-

weaknesses:
*over confident-
*bad left leg-
*fights head on-
*rushes into fights-

a better way to put this is like ive out it so that we can also have a description as to how it hinders or helps him[/color]

magic: none no need for this if no magic used

history: As a young child he always looked up to his father as a hose salesman. but when he was 9 years old his father and mother both died of the plague he was left alone to run the stable. in about 2 years he got the business back on track and was selling more hoses than ever, and he was only 11. it has been 12 years since he took over, and he is one of the most successful sales persons in santharian.  like people say detail, detail, detail. this is the most important part as it tells us who exactly he is and why he is himself plus it unravels his story to let us know about him way more.

weapons: a centoraurian short sword, a long bow

possesions: his parents left him the stables, their special trained horse, their house, and a knife that was passed from father to son in their family.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2007, 07:10:34 AM by Devien » Logged

RP'ing: Speech Thoughts
A link to my CD: Weivóc'Neán

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Vaan
Guest
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2007, 07:57:12 AM »

now let's hope this works grin
Logged
Weivóc'Neán
Forsaken
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 471


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2007, 08:01:00 AM »

well if you look at my previous post i rearranged them and it should be more in that order and you still odnt have enough for physical description or personality. also you can take a look at mine for a thing to go by on how much for some sections.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2007, 08:01:46 AM by Devien » Logged

RP'ing: Speech Thoughts
A link to my CD: Weivóc'Neán

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Vaan
Guest
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2007, 10:11:41 AM »

I've updated my character. every one please evaluate it for me. grin
Logged
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up
Print
Jump to:  

Recent Posts
[July 30, 2021, 06:05:42 PM]

[July 30, 2021, 06:03:43 PM]

[July 30, 2021, 06:03:25 PM]

[July 30, 2021, 06:01:01 PM]

[February 12, 2021, 07:16:33 AM]

[December 13, 2020, 12:16:51 AM]

[December 13, 2020, 12:16:21 AM]

[October 05, 2020, 02:58:40 PM]

[March 19, 2020, 03:47:44 AM]

[July 23, 2019, 07:02:29 PM]
Members
Total Members: 2848
Latest: Carilinaa
Stats
Total Posts: 214567
Total Topics: 8051
Online Today: 32
Online Ever: 216
(November 30, 2006, 09:08:03 AM)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 32
Total: 32

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx