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Author Topic: Ses-Tsur, Psyrpent, "Claw", Mercenary  (Read 210 times)
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Ses-Tsur
New Santharian

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Posts: 9



« on: May 24, 2007, 12:40:30 AM »

I'd like to start by saying I have permission to post this, as this is a second character, and I have asked for permission to create a Psyrpent. I have not yet finished, but I think I have written enough to start to receive comments. Another note is that at the S&W. I know they are unbalanced, and I am not sure how to balance them with another weakness.

Name

Ses-Tsur

Gender
Male

Age
56

Race
Psyrpent

Tribe
The Claws (Bloodclaw)

Occupation

Mercenary

Title
Serpentine Soldier

Character Portrait

Height
Seven Fores approx. Shedding of skin changes this occasionally.

Weight
1 Pygge, 4 Hebs

Eye Colour
A glimmering black.

Scale Colour
Black, Speckles of White and Red.

Physical Appearance
When standing completely straight, Ses-Tsur reaches a height of seven fores. Yet, due to hiding under a cloak, he usually appears to be only six fores tall. His body is covered in smooth, shiny, black, diamond shaped scales. His serpentine head, with glittering black eyes set into it, sports a small mouth, and two slits, healed into scars, from his punishment before being exiled. His body is never seen by anyone, though it is covered with his smooth scales, and is a heavy build, powerful with muscle, sparing little for agility.

Speckles of red and white adorn various places, the scales affected with red being mostly on his upper body, with a patch near his left shoulder and another to the right of his heart, and white speckles affect a patch behind his left ankle, his left knee, and right hip. There are many smaller areas of red and white, but they are insignificant. Small imperfections lie dotted around his arms and legs, reminders of his horrific "punishment". Each blends into the scales, invisible at any distance, but with a closer look they stand out among the otherwise finely formed diamond scales.

When you look at Ses-Tsur, you see not a serpentine abomination, but a hunched, yet tall, man, hiding himself away under a cloak. The reason his tail, normally five fores long for a Psyrpent, does not give him away, is that it was cut down to a mere half-fore in his punishment. Though this off-set his balance permanently, it has given him the perfect disguise to live among human-folk.

Only one area of his body would give him away, that being his head. Though this is kept behind a thin veil at all times, shielding him from the ignorance of humans, who would treat him as an inferior, as an outcast, as an enemy, for being different. His eyes are bulbous, though lain into his head, so as not to protrude, and a jet black color, though with a dot of white, which is his pupil. His mouth is nothing more than a slit, never exercised, as the possibility of friends has escaped him. He has only employers.

When in battle, and the psychic powers of the Blood-Trance hold him, he appears as a rushing black cloud, broken only by the glint of his sword, and the beige-white of his claws. He strikes fear into the hearts of peasants, though any soldier worth his salt will barely flinch. Surprisingly fast for his weight, though not exceeding the speed of the average individual of the species, and muscular, yet slim enough to not appear as strong as he is, he is a deceptive fighter.

Clothing
Ses-Tsur wears a brown tunic under his armour, a rusty black mail chest piece, sleeves down to his wrists. This can sometimes however be too hot, in which case he carries it in a backpack he owns. The brown tunic is ripped in several places, obviously not well kept, but otherwise an average tunic. The chest piece however, has been made jet black, with a silver lining around the ends of the sleeves, the neck and the bottom of it. Around his waist he wraps a belt, with a holster for his sword.
All of these though, are rarely seen, but in combat, as he covers himself with a great brown cloak. Only the occasional splatter of crimson, or tear, breaks up the monotonous fabric. The cloak has been modified to hold a hood. The hole of this, where the head would see out from, has been given a thin veil of silk, to hide sight of Ses-Tsur's face, but allowing him to see out a little This silk has two small holes in it, increasing visibility from within the cloak but still limiting it from outside.

Personality
Ses-Tsur has become a loner, though he actually almost relishes the company of others. Being a Psyrpent traveling in human lands, he has to keep his identity hidden almost all the time, leading to him becoming reclusive. He is sociable when he can be, though these events are rare. On the subject of killing, as he is often forced to, he is indifferent. Humans breed fast, and usually his targets are corrupt individuals. He is only giving Queprur a better grip on these men and women. He does however, has strict beliefs on the killing of infants, especially babies, and will not harm them too much, only enough to have them out of his way.

Fighting Style
Ses-Tsur fights primarily with his broad sword. His strength, yet relative lack of agility forces him to use slower, yet more powerful attacks. He fights using heavy, determined attacks, each one hard to block, forcing most opponents to rely on agility. His sword, tarred a little with encrusted blood, being only cleaned when Ses-Tsur must wade through water, is heavy enough to swing at such a pace that it could cleanly cut through an arm. However, using these more vicious, powerful attacks has it's disadvantages. Ses-Tsur quickly tires when fighting like this, though he can always drop the sword and resort to his brute strength and blade-like claws.

Strengths and Weaknesses:

Strengths


Strength
: He is well muscled, strong enough to carry two average humans. This is useful obviously in combat, but also to dispose of corpses.

Psychic Powers: Though weak compared to most Psyrpents, these powers are notable, and when in the Blood Trance, he becomes a much tougher opponent.

Claws: His claws are a brutal last resort weapon, allowing him never to be disarmed unless captured and the claws cut from him.This has never happened however, and the claws are still there intact.

Weaknesses

Psyrpent: Though this has helped to give him his strength, it means he is shunned from the society he lives in.

Unbalanced: Having had his tail cut to half a fore, he lacks a lot of balance. He is knocked over easily, and high-altitude adventures are certainly out of the question.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magic

Through being a Psyrpent, Ses-Tsur has psychic powers. His were below the normal level, though not being low enough to merit him being exiled for it. He can use low level telepathy, to communicate, and can slip into the Blood Trance, thoroughly boosting his powers. In this state, he can slow the minds of those he fights, making his slow attacks harder to dodge. Unfortunately, his low psychic aptitude makes it remarkably rare for him to enter this state of mind. He will only become entranced in the most vicious of fights.

History
Born in a brood of another 10 Psyrpents, Ses-Tsur displayed low psychic ability. It was decided though, that he would not be exiled for this, and instead trained heavily in this area. Throughout the first ten years of his life, while being taught by his Broodmother, he was bullied by the other Psyrpents in his Brood, for not having the psychic ability they did. This lead to him to become a loner while being taught, though he was sociable with anyone who did not know his secret. These years of his life ended at age 10, when he had grown into an adult. As a Bloodclaw, he was to train with the military constantly, and fight in skirmishes to defend the mountain he lived in, Tsor-Kasants. During these years, his psychic weakness was not so important, as strength was all the army needed, the eyes could handle psychic power. He became friendlier, made several friends, though none were very close.

Eventually though, the inevitable happened. A raid was planned on a human village, to capture various meats, a delicacy to the Psyrpents. This raid saw Ses-Tsur to be in combat with a real enemy for the first time in his life. He trained constantly for the week that he had notice of the raid, and when the day came, the day the guard would be drunken, as it would be a festival day in the village, he was placed on the front lines of the raiding party of 20. All the way down the path to the village, he thought of the lives he would take, and the glory he would gain. In reality it was different. As the party neared the village, he saw that only 2 of the guard were sober. These guards saw the Psyrpents coming too late, as they were dancing and singing songs, and merry-making. And so it began.

The two sober guards tried to move all the civilians and drunken men away from the village. One fled with the others, an epitome of cowardice, but the other stood. Still enthralled by his visions of glory, Ses-Tsur ran towards him, dropping his sword to fight with his claws. He was no match for the guard, who was more valiant than strong. As his claws ripped through the mans cloth leggings, and cut through flesh, Ses-Tsur began to enter the Blood-Trance. But he couldn't. He could only stay on the verge of entering it. He attacked the wounded man again, with brutal ferocity. This attack caught the mans throat, throwing blood over Ses-Tsur. This awoke Ses-Tsur from his dreams. He saw what he had done, and how despite this he had not entered that so called wondrous state. He realized he would never be thought of as a true Psyrpent.

He fled from the battle, though it was turning to a massacre. The other soldiers had caught up with the civilians, and were killing those who resisted. He ran away from the village, back to the mountain. He would say he had been sent back to tell the raid was a success. He went to his barracks and took his clothes, and stuff them and a few trinkets he had, interesting rocks and such, into a backpack a friend of his owned, and ran back from the mountain, back to the village, to get his sword. He had hoped he could get the sword and run, though where to he had no idea. Unfortunately, the other Psyrpents, most of which were just exiting the Blood-Trance, were not happy to have left that blissful state. They were even less impressed that one of their number had turned and ran. They punished him for his actions, torturing him by stabbing his legs and arms , and then chopped his tail down to a mere half-fore. They left him to die out there. Ses-Tsur lay there, on the edge of this village, damaged and without food to eat, and thought. He could do only that, to move hurt him greatly. He thought about what to do next, and how to exact revenge. Within minutes however, he passed out.

When he came to, it was a miracle he was not dead. He was still lying in a pool of blood, his own, and still weak and unable to move, but he was alive. He lay there and prayed, though it hurt, to Queprur, for loosening her hold on him. After an hour had passed, and the sun was beginning to wane, and lay behind the mountains, Ses-Tsur pulled himself from the ground. It seemed his muscles hadn't been damaged too much, as his legs held him, and his arms could bear his weight just. He staggered away, falling over several times. His tail had given him balance, and now that was gone, it was a bloody mess behind him. Eventually though, he got to the village. It seemed that in their excitement the whole village had been killed by his former comrades. He went to the inn, not because he knew it to be an inn, but as it was the biggest house in the village, and must have a bed. He stumbled around, it mostly still neat, other than the kitchens. Eventually he crawled up the stairs, reduced to a mere lizard, and found a bed.

Waking up the next morning, he found it hurt less to walk. He was still slow and unbalanced, but could walk further without having to stop. Exploring the inn, and raiding the kitchens for the few vegetables left, he ate a simple meal. Opening a cupboard to find more, he found not food, but a child! The small child, not more than 8 or 9 cycles, was fast asleep, and unharmed, having hidden from the raiders. Ses-Tsur woke the child, but first covered his face with a scrubbing cloth from the floor. The child stirred, and then opened his eyes. Ses-Tsur asked the child how he was, though soon realized he was speaking to a human, not his brethren Psyrpents. Seeing only a man there to help him, he was unafraid, though upon hearing a raspy reptilian force, he threw the cupboard shut, and hid, quivering. Ses-Tsur, took down the cloth, and flung open the cupboard door, before stepping back, and holding his hands above his head, and sitting on the floor. He was trying to show the child he meant no harm, and this was the best he could think of. The child though, still believed he was under attack, and crawled out, and grabbed a knife. It was a mere kitchen knife, but a weapon none the less. Still, Ses-Tsur with his remaining power overwhelmed the child, and pinned him to the ground, removed the knife, and helped him back up. The child was now almost crying now, though Ses-Tsur consoled him, with a friendly pat on the back, and threw open another cupboard nearby, revealing a meals worth of food, mostly various small root vegetables. He picked these up, and gave them to the child.

The child, seeing this as an act of kindness, began to be less wary of Ses-Tsur, though still was watchful of this beast. The child ate up, and though it meant little to Ses-Tsur, he said "I'm...I'm Timathy. Don't eat me.". Ses-Tsur picked up on the child's name, and this allowed them to make a conversion. He pointed to himself, and said in the most human sounding voice possible, "Ses-Tsur.". Timathy hated the voice, as it ground his ears, but responded positively, hoping that the beast was not trying to lure him into a false sense of security, then murder him as he sleep, or torture him, as he had seen other snake-men do. But he did not feel those  scaled hands tighten around his neck, and knew he had responded as the beast had wanted him to. This point in time was the first time that Ses-Tsur would ever be attached to a human, even in the slightest.

In the coming days, Timathy and Ses-Tsur stayed wary of one another. Though the child would be no problem to him, if someone was still alive, hiding in the hills, Timathy may be "saved" by this person, and that would be the end of Ses-Tsur. But no one came, and Timathy, fearing what would happen if he went off from the village on his own, stayed with Ses-Tsur. The two began to understand each other, Ses-Tsur caught onto a few basic human words, such as "Food", "Bed", "Sleep" and "Water". Within a few days time, Ses-Tsur was able to walk around the inn fairly easily on his own, though walking from the village was a dream at that time. He needed to be able to rest every few minutes. It seemed a sign that he had not been damaged too much by his "Punishment". Looking back on it however, he supposed he couldn't really blame his brothers for their actions. He had fled from his first battle. As far as they knew, it was out of cowardice.

As time went by, Timathy and Ses-Tsur, or "Sez" as Timathy called him, survived on rations of vegetables that had been left over. The raid had been at a time shortly before harvest, and as such Timathy could pick what they needed, and Ses-Tsur could cook as best he could.

Two weeks past from the day Ses-Tsur was almost back to normal. Only one of the many stabs he had received had hit a muscle, which was in his leg, the rest seemed to be only skin deep. A lot of his inability to walk had been from losing his tail. At this time, he could walk properly again, needing rests once every two hours or so, although trying to travel back to the mountains was out. The steep climb and rocky areas would cause so much pain that it wasn't worth it. After all, how could he go back anyway. He would be attacked on sight, if allowed back at all. By now it was sure to be common knowledge about his cowardice, and so the only places he could now return to would be the "Kshah-Kseairan", the "Away-Homes". It would take months before news would spread to them, and Ses-Tsur had heard of one, "DisPorTyr" where he could shelter. Apparently exiles were welcome there. However, no one knew where it was exactly. He had only heard that it was south, and that had been told to him by one of his brothers, who was doubtlessly trying to mislead him. For this reason, Ses-Tsur stayed in the village longer. Too long.

Ses-Tsur was awoken one morning by Timathy, who seemed to be in a panic. He was spurting out continued phrases, none of which Ses-Tsur understood. But after ten seconds of these phrases, Ses-Tsur understood one. "Snake-Men". He knew that meant his brethren were coming, probably to ensure there had been no survivors, or to take his corpse away. When they found him, he would be killed. This time, they would leave nothing to chance. He had not only ran away, he had not even attempted to be forgiven. He had only hid.

Ses-Tsur did they first thing that came to his head. Run. Grabbing his cloak and hood, his sword and what food he could, he stuffed it all into his rucksack and pulled Timathy along behind him. He could move about as fast as Timathy could, and so the two stayed together. They exited the inn, and stepped out onto the slightly dusty path. They had three choices. They could either run directly out of the village, though it would lead them nowhere after that. They would be cut off at the mountain, and killed. The second option was to try to sneak past the Psyrpent squad, try to get enough distance between them then make a break for a nearby woods, or should the woods be too hard to find a good hiding spot, they may even find a cave. It would be risky, but should they manage it, they could hide well. Lastly, he could confront the guard. It would likely be no more than three or four men, and maybe he could somehow defeat them. But no. Even if Timathy could fight and take one, and he could take another, the third would kill Timathy then him. So he chose the best option, to sneak then hide. Unfortunately, he couldn't communicate this to Timathy well. His telepathic powers were weak, having never been very good with them and having not trained since joining the Military. He wasn't in the best of shape either, having still some small wounds, and not being able to run as fast as usual, and so they walked back into the inn and out the back, hiding behind rocks and houses as they went. They found a house with it's door still open, left by a fleeing villager most likely. They headed in, and made their way to the front window. By now, Timathy wasn't in the best shape. He had been dragged along by a being much more powerful than he was, and along the way had tripped and for a moment or two had been dragged across the floor. His knee was bleeding slightly, and he looked down at it, crouched and began to fiddle with the cut, not paying attention to his surroundings. Ses-Tsur turned round, and grunted in fear. Timathy yelled out a cry of pain, and fell to the floor, still, as a claw was drawn across his neck. Blood slowly oozed from the cut. One of the guards had seen the scrapes along the floor where Timathy was dragged, and had sneaked up on the two of them, as they were recovering. With Ses-Tsur looking out the window, and Timathy playing with his knee, it was all to easy to get close enough to kill them.

The guard was around the same size as Ses-Tsur, and carried a polished sword, which he now held in one hard, the same hand with which the claw that had slain Timathy resided upon. The claw had a small pool of blood on it, slowly dripping off, the pale yellow-cream contrasting with the deep red. Ses-Tsur swiped at the guard with his hand, but the other Psyrpent was in better shape, and grabbed his wrist, blocking the attack. Ses-Tsur would not give up. Timathy may have been human, they may not have been close but Timathy had depended on Ses-Tsur. Ses-Tsur used his other hand to feint as though he were to draw his sword, but at the last second he  threw his knee into the guards stomach, winding the creature. It fell to the floor, completely unprepared for the attack. Ses-Tsur was tired now. The extra energy he had used on this fight, combined with running a fair way, had exhausted him. He only had enough strength left for one attack. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that another guard was entering the house, and had just noticed what was going on. Ses-Tsur unleashed his final attack upon the guard, a brutal swipe with his sword, using his free hand, across the neck of the guard. He had killed him the same way that he had killed Timathy. Then something unexpected happened.

The Blood Trance caught Ses-Tsur off guard. For a moment, Ses-Tsur wondered what had happened. He felt much more powerful, but could not relish the feeling for long, as he turned and ran (Limping much less, the Trance disguising his pain) directly at the last guard. He wished all sorts of pain upon the guard. Then, to his surprise yet again, the guard fell, writhing in pain. It took a second for Ses-Tsur to figure out that he had caused illusory pain upon the guard. The guard felt pain, though he wasn't actually wounded. Ses-Tsur acted upon the opportunity and stabbed the last guard through the stomach, ensuring death. At this point the trance exited him, and the pain from his leg roared up. However, he was safe. For a few hours, until the disappearances of the guards would be noticed. But that was not to worry about, he could collect his things and get away in minutes. Timathy was dead, lying, just as he had been weeks before, in a pool of blood, the sunlight glistening off the gore beautiful in a macabre way. To bury Timathy would take time and so he decided to send him off as one claw would to another. He would cremate him, beginning the child's path to Queprur.

It took half an hour to cremate the body. Ses-Tsur used some wood from the basement of the inn to fuel the fire. Ses-Tsur left the body to burn in the building, knowing that the fire would consume the house. The inhabitants were dead anyway, and it would slow him down if he were to move the corpse or wait to put out the fire. Slinging together what he had been carrying, Ses-Tsur left the village, heading south.

The village he had just been in was west of the Celeste Mountains, towards Naurooth, and knowing that Naurooth would be a safe haven, he headed further west. During his travels, he encountered no challenges harder than finding a tree to sleep under. Although he could not move quickly, he had enough food to last him two days and by then he had traveled around a third of the way. He lasted out for another three days, before being picked up by a merchant caravan, that had been heading out to a tribe of Kuglimz to trade. The caravan, mistaking the Psyrpent for a man, allowed him to join the caravan, and ride into the town of Naurooth.  While it seemed strange that the man should want to hide under his hood,  the master of the caravan allowed it.

As soon as the caravan wheeled into the town, Ses-Tsur jumped off and headed straight for an inn. He went for the biggest building again, but this time had ran into a warehouse. Realizing his mistake after being shouted at by a man, and seeing that there was no warm fire or tables, he ran back out, and then something very unlucky happened. He tripped, and his cloak came off. In the middle of the street. Everyone turned and looked at him, the only Psyrpent the children may have seen, and certainly the older ones had not seen many more. Men yelled out in surprise, and women shrieked. It wasn't so much that it was a Psyrpent that was surprising, it was that a Psyrpent was in the Town. But no one seemed brave enough to confront the Psyrpent, and although everyone stood still and watched as Ses-Tsur walked away, no one seemed to want to make trouble for him. Ses-Tsur ran to the nearest alley, hiding. Although no one attacked him, he couldn't be certain it would always be like that. At the moment, he couldn't go near anyone to talk, as his face would give him away.

Thinking of a solution, he was disturbed a few minutes later by a street thug. The thug, a human, with a nose broken beyond belief, a small blade in his hand, a sneer on his face and a scar along his cheek, believed the figure to be asleep. He swept out with the blade,

Arriving in Nyermersys, the docks in sight in front of him, Ses-Tsur wanted off this boat. The captain would surely report him to the guard as soon as they pulled in, and he would only have minutes to get away. He sneaked from his hiding place into the corridor, and ran over to the main gangway onto the dock. He had no idea where to go. Maybe he could try to swim, and get to the beach. It wouldn't be far, but he had never swam before. If he started to drown everyone would know who he was. He could don his cloak and silk veil. He knew he must be able to see through it, and quickly punctured two holes in it, roughly where his eyes would be. He moved to the gangway, opened it quickly and ran out. A guard had been leisurely walking to the boat in this time, and was startled as a huge shapeless blob of fabric came running past him. Ses-Tsur looked out at the layout of the docks for the first time, trying to work out where to go. He needed to get into the city.

The ship had docked in the smaller western dock, just outside the city. Dodging the wet floor, not wanting to slip as he had in Naurooth, Ses-Tsur ran through a maze of crates, heading in general left of where the boat had docked. He ran around and out from the docks, and turned back right. He needed to cross the Dragonthorn bridge in order to get into Nyermersys, although he did not actually know the name of it. Seeing a gate to his right, he ran towards it. As he neared the colossal wall, he wondered why it had to be so huge. Walking, almost staggering, the last few steps, one of the two guards in control of the gate shouted to him. The guards were naturally wary of a hooded figure, hiding his face, although it wasn't uncommon to find a traveler looking for refuge in the city.

"Who goes there?" said one guard, cautious of the mysterious figure.
"Just a Psyrpent looking for passage into the city." replied Ses-Tsur, equally as cautious.
"Psyrpent! What! Minions of Dragons in Nyermersys! I can't let you in!"
At this point, the second guard started to talk.
"Don't mind my friend, he believes all these stupid stories. But that doesn't mean we let you in! We can't be letting a dangerous creature such as yourself in, unless you were to slip through while we had our backs turned..."
The man emphasized "dangerous", to try to push his point.
"If it's gold you want, you can have it." Ses-Tsur said, as he pulled a small bag of gold from the inside of his cloak. He handed several sans to each man, both taking it quickly and stuffing it into their pockets.
"Well I don't think the Psyrpent came in our gate, did it!" said the second guard to the first, with a smile and a wink.
Ses-Tsur ran into the square after the gate, and over to the bridge he had seen as he had ran from the ship.




Weapons
Claws (Just less than 3 Nailsbreadth long, retractable.), Broadsword (94 Nailsbreadth long, Average condition, though a little dirty).

Belongings
Clothing, Armour, Weapons, Small amount of coin (Enough for a few days stay at a good inn, buying fair meals of fresh food), backpack, blanket.

Familiars
None.

History added, though not complete.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2007, 01:52:56 AM by Ses-Tsur » Logged
Avash
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« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2007, 01:46:26 AM »

You have no weight, so you should probably use the measures converter, and also, it is lacking history. I know you gave an explanation to that,and i would say i am hoping to know why he left his homeland, how he stood in the social hierarchy... I guess i won't blather on like a senile old fart anymore, but i'll be back if you decide to spill cow pheromones all over this.
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Phyth Glenfield
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« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2007, 02:38:27 AM »

If you're not done writing the CD, you should put up the pencil icon. Otherwise people will assume it's finished and comment on everything.
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« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2007, 10:07:18 AM »

Actually, Avash, having a weight is preferred but optional.
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Ses-Tsur
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« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2007, 10:30:21 AM »

Hey all.

Thanks for reading what I have. I will begin writing my history at around 4:30pm GMT, so it should be up later today. I'll update the weight for you guys after this post. Just letting you all know when the history will be up.

Ses-Tsur
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Arin Woodwealth
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« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2007, 03:28:37 PM »

Bumping this up. I know my history isn't finished yet, but I think I've put down enough on appearance and history to recieve comments. And sorry for not changing account, I'm in a rush.

Thanks to all those who comment!

Ses-Tsur/Arin Woodwealth.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2007, 03:29:34 PM by Arin Woodwealth » Logged

Ses-Tsur
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« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2007, 11:04:24 PM »

Ker-Bump

I'm back, and so is this.
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Kalna Mrnwn
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« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2007, 12:06:24 AM »

Ok - will take a look at this soon hun
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« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2007, 01:29:22 AM »

Hello Arin and welcome back to Santharia! After a casual read over there are three things I noticed in passing that are in need of mention.

Issues
1) The weakness of "Magic" or better said here Psychic Abilities is written more as a strength with only hints of it as a weakness. Recommendation: Read the weakness over and move some aspects of it to the strength relevant to these skills. Take the hints you make at him being weaker than many of his kind and expand on them a bit.
2) All paragraphs and sections are not to have more than single spacing between them.
3) There are more than a couple grammatical errors throughout the CD, mostly wrong word usage. Wrong word usage is a sign of English not being your first language, or hasty writing. If the problem is the former please contact me in PM and I will do a full URI to address the problems. If the problem is the latter, please take some time and read the CD over by yourself and fix the errors you find.

I hope my comments aid you in being titled soon. If you have any questions please feel free to ask them here as there are many willing to help you. I changed the icon to the pencil while you make edits, please return it to the exclamation mark when you are finished and ready for more comments.
~Sincerely~
Co cr'tuulens:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: December 30, 2007, 02:04:28 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

he pe e pon the rowd ike a ragon, ncient and u o eath
Ses-Tsur
New Santharian

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« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2007, 01:32:07 AM »

Hey Twen

Just to let you know, (It's my fault for not spacing them) magic is supposed to be a separate section from the S&W.

Otherwise I'll be fixing them asap.
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Mithrilian
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« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2008, 09:51:48 PM »

Ses Tsur thanks for the info, by the way your charcter sounds great.  I've modified a few things on my CD.

Mithrilian
« Last Edit: January 05, 2008, 09:53:29 PM by Griffin1116 » Logged
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