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Author Topic: Anci’helvíl’yón, Black Butterfly Rover, Healer  (Read 9517 times)
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dinranwen
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« Reply #15 on: August 03, 2007, 03:15:51 AM »

An easy enough to make, and with a rereading this CD I can see where you find that a problem (although I did not at first).  I will change this line right away, and hopefully it will make things much clearer for everyone.

Done. And Done.

I simply changed the name in that line from Anci’helvíl’yón to Sarah, in hopes it less confusing.

Anything else?

Please free to make any comments as I would appreciate input greatly.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2007, 03:19:52 AM by Anci’helvíl’yón » Logged
Rainier
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« Reply #16 on: August 03, 2007, 01:07:10 PM »

Hi i just have to say that i loved reading your CD it is very detailed and very well written.

I just have one suggestion but by all means this is just me talking.  I thought that you might want to add one more weakness no matter how small it is cuz I think the mods might think your Above average herbal skills and dagger skills might out weigh your weaknesses.

But again thats just me talking.

Yet again loved it

Rainier.
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The sword is a weapon for killing...the art of the sword...is the art of killing.  No matter what fancy words..you use...or what titles you put to it...that is the only truth  -Rurouni Kenshin  Raniers CD
dinranwen
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« Reply #17 on: August 04, 2007, 03:43:03 AM »

Rainer, I can see you point with the weaknesses thing...and while I know that Anci’helvíl’yón would never hurt a living creature with her daggers, if I don't post it, how do others know?

I have updated my weakness by adding two weaknesses that I hope balance out my strengths, but I can add more if neccessary.  I also updated my personality section.

As always these changes were made in orange.

*curtesies* Thank you for your comments Rainer, I consider them a deep compliment and appreciate them greatly.

Sincerly,

Anci’helvíl’yón
Shadow Maiden
« Last Edit: August 04, 2007, 03:44:53 AM by Anci’helvíl’yón » Logged
dinranwen
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« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2007, 10:11:48 AM »

Any other comments?

Suggestions?  Critizisms? Helpful hints?

Please....Pretty Please?

I would take anything at the moment, and it will drive my nuts if I think for a moment that I did less the best I could do.
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dinranwen
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« Reply #19 on: August 05, 2007, 11:21:18 AM »

I've posted a picture of Anci'helvil'yon.  You must excuse the roughness of the work since it is completly my own and I am an amatuer at best.

The portrait was done with my trust HB, H2, B2, water color pencils, my trusty scanner, and a little help from Paint and Photobucket.

Again comments are welcome on both the portrait and the CD.

Thanks,

Anci’helvíl’yón
Shadow Maiden
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Rainier
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« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2007, 11:54:07 AM »

I like the picture it's a heck of alot better than what i would have been able to do.
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The sword is a weapon for killing...the art of the sword...is the art of killing.  No matter what fancy words..you use...or what titles you put to it...that is the only truth  -Rurouni Kenshin  Raniers CD
dinranwen
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« Reply #21 on: August 06, 2007, 10:27:52 AM »

Thank you for your praise Rainer.  I appreciate it greatly.  Certainly not my best work since portraits have never been my area of experience, but it vastly trumps other pieces I have made of my other characters (RPG, Story, or otherwise).

Any comments on this thread are welcome, as I am still looking to improve on this CD.

I even welcome critizisms if you have any, so don't feel afraid to post.

No, really, please comment.

I'm beginning to worry that I either A.) Trespassed some hidden law in this CD that has caused it to be shunned, or B.) It's really, really horrible.
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #22 on: August 06, 2007, 10:33:50 AM »

Don't feel like you are being shunned...there are alot of mods that are on vacation, etc, right now.  My commenting on your CD earlier is a direct result of that, as I am not good at that sort of thing, but was trying to help the mods that were left so they would not get overwhelmed.  Patience is the prescription of the day. grin
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Favorite Cartoon Quotes
"It was a dark and stormy night."  - Snoopy
"Ack!" - Bill the Cat
"I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski." - President Bill Clinton

My Character can be viewed @Angelina Jolie's house.  But knock first, in case I'm in my underwear.
Navar The Rogue Assassin
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« Reply #23 on: August 06, 2007, 10:41:10 AM »

Anci’helvíl’yón, personally I believe your CD is extremely well written. I feel that your Strength's and Weaknesses ballance out, you have ample description with your entries. I believe you shuld push for approval.

But as Altario said most og our CD mods are on vacation. So once the com,e back I would ask to be looked over by the mods.
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There are those who KILL and those who are KILLED, guess which one YOU are.

      ~Navar~

need help with your character?
dinranwen
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« Reply #24 on: August 06, 2007, 10:56:01 AM »

Thanks for the comments guys.

I was just worried tis all, and when I get worried about one of my stories (and I do view this as one of them) there is no stopping me until I get assured that everything is okay, and that my inner-critic should be shoved into a box and never let out for telling me it is horrible.

Patience, I have, Patient I can be.

I just wanted to make sure this was good, and wheither or not I should shove my inner-critic who doubles as my editor into a box.

In other words, it looks like I should be looking a box.

Thank you for your reassurance and your compliments *curties* I take them as high praise coming from people who have wonderful CD's themselves.
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #25 on: August 06, 2007, 10:59:36 AM »

oh p'shaw  *blushes* tell me more tell me more buck

Seriously, I think it looks good for at least one approval.  And once you have one, the second is usually pretty quick. grin
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Favorite Cartoon Quotes
"It was a dark and stormy night."  - Snoopy
"Ack!" - Bill the Cat
"I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski." - President Bill Clinton

My Character can be viewed @Angelina Jolie's house.  But knock first, in case I'm in my underwear.
Navar The Rogue Assassin
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« Reply #26 on: August 06, 2007, 11:05:26 AM »

No problem, I remeber how jittery I was waiting for my first approval, just hang back in the OOC keep your thread on the front page and just wait for approval....you write book, what kind?
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There are those who KILL and those who are KILLED, guess which one YOU are.

      ~Navar~

need help with your character?
Navar The Rogue Assassin
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« Reply #27 on: August 06, 2007, 11:34:46 AM »

Hello, I realize that your may be a little bored with sitting around waitng for Mod approval, so while this is unessecarry I think this will keep you smoewhat busy.

If you don't mind I have a few questions on your history. Questions in RED

Also please note this in no way reflects my oppnnion of your writing style (which is fabulous) I know how writers can get with any of there works, so in no way am I atacking your work. Just Curious.




History:  Much of Anci’helvíl’yón’s History is not known to herself.  In fact Anci’helvíl’yón remembers very little of her past before the age of 12 when she was found by the Rovers, lost, bleeding, and confused looking on the side of a road crying her eyes out.

Although Anci’helvíl’yón does not know this part of her past, let all know that this is what happened before Anci’helvíl’yón lost her memory.

Anci’helvíl’yón was born to human parents of the Helcrani tribe under the province of the United Kingdom of Santharia, in a small village about 2 furlay away from the city, Melcanengrad.  She was given the birth name of Sarah Farmer.

Sarah, as she was called then, lived a happy childhood till the age of eight.  Both her parents were kind, loving, and tender towards their child, and in those days she was known for her brightness, her laughter, and her endless curiosity about the world around her.  She was their only child, and despite being a daughter, their pride and joy.  Sarah’s mother was a grower of herbs and a minor healer, and her father a farmer.  Both her parents instilled in their daughter the love of herbal lore at a early age, and to love her fellow man despite apparent differences.  It was her parents who taught Sarah her kindness, her tenderness, and yes her gracefulness.  Despite no formal training, Sarah’s mother was light on her feet and graceful, as was often seen swaying in a dance to her own tune.  Her mother’s title would become to be known as the Dancing Healer.  Her father was hardworking, loyal, and instilled in his child a fierce loyalty within her heart.  While loyal, and hardworking, her father was also no push-over and he also taught his child to defend herself with her mind as well as her fleet feet.  Her father would train the girl to be a runner, hoping that if any danger would ever come their way, his fleet daughter would be able outrun anything that threatened her.

Like all Helcrani children, Sarah was taught the high value of excersie, the importance of living a virutous life, and the art of defensense.  Her parents also instilled within her the love of Avá, The Beautiful, The Dreamer.  Sarah loved the Dreamer Avá deeply and wished always to please her.

Around the time when Sarah turned eight, tragedy struck the happy family of three.  A horde of raiding thieves attacked the lone farm one year when the Farmer had brought in more then enough money to build them a larger home and increase his farm the next year.  The thieves attacked their comfortable cottage home at night, hoping to find from the farmer himself where he kept his money.  Awoken by the ruckus, the farmer refused to tell the thieves anything and attempted to hold them off with a woodsmen bow (why a bow he is sleeping and indoors, so wouldnt a sword be a bit more effecient in a close combat area.), but the farmer soon ran out of arrows.  In the meantime,Sarah’s mother had awoken her, and tried to shove her child at the window of her bedroom (as the entire house was on the first floor) so that the child could flee.  Sarah’s mother was successful in getting the child out of the window, but she was unable to flee herself as another group of thieves (this seems like alot of thieves, I theives are typically selfish and work in small groupes or alone to have a bigger cut of the loot, and for thieves they seem rather loud) had attacked from the back hoping to catch the farmer off guard.(If he was sleeping why were they trying to catch him off gaurd) Sarah was bewildered, fearful, and could not see so perhaps she did not run as quickly nor as fleetly as she could have.  In any case, she was soon captured by the thieves also.

Everyone on the farm, including the two young teenage boys who were their farm hands, were shortly rounded up and brought into the barn where Sarah’s father was being held captive, unaware his family had also been captured.  Sarah’s father was all too grieved and shocked when the remaining thieves dragged in both his wife and his daughter.

Still, the farmer refused to tell them anything, hoping that perhaps the noise and the torches the thieves carried had awoken their neighbors over 2 leagues away.

In order to pry open the man’s lips, the thieves first threaten then proceeded to dump scalding water down his daughter’s back, causing the scars that are formed there today.

Reluctantly, the farmer told the violent men what they wanted to know.  Afterwards, the thieves killed him and the two hands, but took the wife and child alive after burning the barn down behind them to slow any pursuit that might occur.

The woman, eager to protect her daughter, made an agreement with the leader of the group that he could use her any way he like as long he and his men sparred her daughters womanhood which had not even bloomed yet.  Entirely unaware of this deal, Sarah ceased to be a smiling laughing girl, and instead became the silent shadow attached to her mothers side.  During these years, scarcely a sound escaped from Sarah's lips, and her smile was no longer seen by any except for her mother.  Somehow, Sarah secretly knew her mother was protecting her in some way, but it is good for her young head that the girl never knew how.

During these years, Sarah made herself as quietly useful as she could, hoping to spare herself hard blows with hard labor, and although her labors never did prevent those blows, her labor lessened their frequency.

Many years later, when the girl had just turned 12 and was beginning to show signs of womanhood, her mother died after many years of hard use.  The men having lost their play toy, began to look at the young girl who was beginning to bloom. (wow these guys have got to be atleast in their thirties by now, what twisted freaks)Secretly, the men gambled over the girl, and she was won by a man who loved killing with his daggers far more than any gold he could acquire.  The next day, the man claimed her, and when he tried to capture her to have his way with her, the man was shocked when the little silent minx showed a tongue and cursed him and his men.  She then proceeded to bite the hand that tried to hold her captive, and attempted to flee.

She was captured only an hour later as not even her fleet legs could outrun a horse.  The man furious with her thought to teach her a lesson to soften her.  He then proceeded to carve her face with the three large scars that now trace her left cheek.  Luckily, he did not wish to kill her, simply mar her for himself, so the carvings he made where shallow enough so they were not dangerous to her, but deep enough to leave scars.  Afterwards, he put Sarah to work in the kitchen tent to fix his meals saying he would be back for the rest of her later.

Fortunately, a band of soldiers had heard of these dangerous band of looters and murders, since they attacked far more then just Sarah’s father, and had learned the location of their camp.  Before dinner time, the soldiers took the thieves camp by surprise by riding into the camp and killing all who they found.  Hearing the noise, Sarah slightly faint with the loss of blood ran outside the kitchen tent to see what was the matter.  Surprised and shocked to see the soldiers on horseback, Sarah ran away in fear.  Minutes later she was almost ran down by a horse whose rider neglected to rein his mount in time.  To late did the rider try to rein in the horse to avoid hitting the young girl, and the horse reared kicking Sarah in the head.  The force of the blow threw her unconscious into the underbrush where by some miracle, she stayed forgotten by thief and soldiers.

Lucky for Sarah, the blow did not do any permanent damage other then knocking her unconscious and causing her to loose all memory before that point.    Anci’helvíl’yón, as Sarah is now called, does not even have a memory of her birth name.

((Please remember when dealing with this character, that although this is Anci’helvíl’yón’s history, she does not recall any of the events foretold.

With this lose of memory, Sarah lost many things: her name, her tribe, and her belief in Avá. (My Character believes in Coor, nemisis to Ava)   The only thing Sarah did not lose with this sudden lost of memory was her knowledge of the High tonuge of Helcrani which after her accident she was able to speak along with common tongue.   This knowledge of the tongue has lessened over time, and it is unlikely that Anci’helvíl’yón could speak that tongue any more then she could remember her birth name. (you might want to mention her desire to be kind and athletic, as taught to her by her parents, even though she does not remeber them she retains their morals)

Anci’helvíl’yón does remember everything from here on out, nevertheless...so read on friend))

This is what Anci’helvíl’yón remembers:

Hours later Anci’helvíl’yón awoke to the sight of a strange forest which she apparently never seen before.  Bewildered and confused, Anci’helvíl’yón touched her face to find to her shock that she was bleeding.

With no knowledge of who she was or where she was, Anci’helvíl’yón got up and looked around.

All traces of the bandit camp had been erased by the soldiers except for the dead men whose stink invaded Anci’helvíl’yón’s nostrils and caused her to gag violently.

Scared and afraid, Anci’helvíl’yón fled from the sight of the dead men and struck out to who knew where in the forest.

She was found the next day sitting on the highway, bleeding, hungry, and crying by the Black Butterfly Rover’s.  One of their healers Cyrathén, took the child in and did what she could to heal the cuts on the girl’s face.   The elders of the camp decided that they would be more then willing to take in this lost girl.   Since she could not remember her own name she was given the name Anci’helvíl’yón by Cyrathén.

At first the tribe had some trouble understanding the child since, Anci’helvíl’yón was speaking the Helcrani high tongue, but after much patience, the healrers coxed common tongue at of the girl so that they comminucate with the girl.  The first few months of her stay with the Black Butterfly Rovers' was spent teaching the girl common tongue, along with several other prominent tongues among the group.

Afterward Cyrathén would take in Anci’helvíl’yón as her own, and finish the work the girls forgotten mother had began by teaching her the healers arts.  Anci’helvíl’yón soon found a home among the Black Butterfly’s and like all the other children she was taught all the arts she cared to learn.  Her curiosity reawakened, Anci’helvíl’yón struggled to learn all she could.   While she never maintained all her lessons, she continued to learn in those areas in which she excelled such as storytelling and the herbal arts. From the Rovers, Anci’helvíl’yón learned all she knows of herbal arts, dancing, storytelling, the use of weapons, fighting, and even a dash of music although Anci’helvíl’yón has no talent for either singing or playing an instrument.  Also during this beginning time of her still fragile youth, Anci’helvíl’yón began to wear a veil over her scarred face, and became reluctant to show anything of her figure.

Since that time, Anci’helvíl’yón has lived happily with the Rovers, and the troop which found her has become her `adopted family’.  Anci’helvíl’yón is fiercely loyal to the Rovers, but despite this she can’t help but feel as if lost something valuable.

Meager memories from flashbacks sometimes touch Anci’helvíl’yón’s mind, and she sometimes thinks she remembers a very pretty woman who was as graceful as she and the blurry face of a man who used to make her laugh.  But truly all Anci’helvíl’yón knows is that she was once happy, and sometimes that is enough for her, and other times it is not.

But that is her history, such as it is.

(what propels her to wander, what send her out into the world)


This was a delightful read, and well written, the comments I made are not neccessary I just wanted to give yuo something to do while you waited for approval. Once again good work on your CD


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There are those who KILL and those who are KILLED, guess which one YOU are.

      ~Navar~

need help with your character?
dinranwen
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« Reply #28 on: August 06, 2007, 10:02:07 PM »

Good questions all and I'm afraid for now, I don't have the answers them but I will think about them and I will come back with the answers.  First, I simply have to dig around my characters head.

And thanks for giving me something to work with, although don't think I could ever be bored here, there are too many things to learn to be bored.

As for what kind of books I write, I never said I wrote books, simply that I wrote.  I write for a writer's site called the City of If.  It's a good place for beginning writers in my opinion since that's exactly what I am.  On the site, instead of writing stories, they write Storygames, or Stories that ask the readers to "Roleplay" the main characters by making decisions for them posted at the end of each chapter.  It's a very unusual way to write, I will be the first to admit, but it certainly prevents writer's block that's for sure.  *winks* And trust me I should know, my writer's block on my first story caused me to join the site, and the story although greatly changed by the site never got stuck again.

So, I would say write more short stories then anything else.

But if you were inquiring as to what genre I write, mostly fantasy, some high, some low, but I also dabble in a bit of humor occasionally although I am more sacrastic then funny.  The stories are usually sent within my own world(s), and I highly doubt they would fit in here or else I would write for this site too.

*blushes* I may not be good, but I enjoy writing almost as much if not more, then I like reading and that's saying something.

As for the rest, *crakes knuckles* looks like I've got some work to do.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2007, 10:03:54 PM by Anci’helvíl’yón » Logged
dinranwen
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« Reply #29 on: August 06, 2007, 11:29:45 PM »

Changes have been made to my history that I hope answer your questions, Navar.

These changes have been made in Red, to set them apart from the other changes I have made.

As for the comment that the theives must be twisted freaks *blushes* well, you must remember that this world is set in the equilvant of the Earth's Middle Ages.  At that time it wouldn't have been strange for a girl of 12 to be betroved to an older man up to thrice if not four times her own age.

I hope that satisfies you Navar, and improves this CD.  Thanks for the help Navar and  Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin y'all have been a real help.
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