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Author Topic: Mannix Vaelos/ Centoraurian/ Wind Mage Apprentice  (Read 499 times)
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Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« on: October 15, 2007, 01:28:20 PM »

Character Description
Name Mannix Vaelos

Gender Male

Age 23

Race Human

Tribe Centoraurian

Occupation  Wind Mage Apprentice

Title Magus of the Wind

Appearance

Height One ped, two fores and one palmspan.

Weight One pygge and five hebs.

Hair Colour Brown

Eye Colour Brown

Physical Appearance
Mannix is a male who is about five fores tall and weighs about one pygge.  He has brown hair and brown eyes.  His skin is lightly tanned from working outdoors when he lived in a village.  Since he left the hard, manual work relatively early he escaped the premature aging and weatherbeaten skin that can be seen in people in his old village.  His change of lifestyle to that of a mage has greatly altered his appearance.  His skin no longer tans further, as he spends a lot of time indoors studying. His hands and skin has become softer and smoother.  His facial features are handsome, but not overly so, almost plain looking, with no unusual features.  He is  only lightly muscled.  He is not overweight because he does a bit of exercise, but he isn't the fittest person around either.

Clothing
Pants, leather boots, a soft woollen surcoat over a woollen tunic in winter and the same in the summer but without the surcoat.  This can get a bit hot on some days but he is good at conjuring wind to cool himself.  These clothes are a neutral brown colour. 

Personality He is a wary person who is often reclusive.  He takes time to choose whom he befriends and he chooses wisely.  Once he has though he will talk with them freely and regularly.  He saves his money not because he loves it but because he knows its value and keeps for something better and more useful.  He has a sense of what he believes is right and wrong and if somebody was in trouble, as long as it's not too minor, he would help them with or without rewards.

Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths
- Magic: Mannix is good at magic and does well in his tutoring.  This is advantageous to him because he can go through is tuition quickly and with ease, meaning he can become a more powerful mage and have a better chance of having a better life.

- Plants: While in Ximax he studied many books about plants, focusing mainly on magical and medicinal plants.  This is beneficial because it can help his casting of magic and a good knowledge of medicinal herbs can always help if the situation arises when they are needed.

- Animals: He enjoys studying about animals, especially mythical ones, while still studying animals he may meet. This is helpful because he knows how to treat animals he may come across and what benefits they may have.  For example, if he were to see a dangerous animal he would recofnise it and stay awayfrom it.  These are all advantageous to Mannix because, as they say, ‘Knowledge is Power’.

Weaknesses
- He has a tendency to rush into things and complete tasks as quickly as possible.  This is detrimental because things go wrong more often when he does this.

- When he reads things he often forgets them easily if he doesn't review them, even briefly, every few months.  This is disadvantageous to him because he may forget something vital to him in a certain situation.  For a mage this is extremly unhelpful because he may forget something to do with a spell.  He needs to know how to do spells, there his only defence he is proficient at.

- Almost every night he is haunted by his murdering of those two bandits.  This can wake him early and leave him tired and irritable throughout the day.  This can cause many incidents in which he usually comes out of for the worse.

Magic Mannix is ‘gifted’ and so was highly sought after by the Academy.  He is a quite talented mage and excels through learning.  He can, of course, create winds and uses these to do many things such as move objects, hide himself, create protection and change himself.  During his spare time he trains with his magic to become the best he can be, to become more than could have with his family and in his village.  Currently he is part way through studying level three wind magic.

History His village was raided one day when he was with his stock animals.  When he returned he saw two bandits, who must have remained behind, as they slew his mother and dumping her on top of his already dead brother and father.  This awoke huge and strange emotions he had never felt before. Anger, despair, fear and ,overall, the desire for revenge.  These emotions surged throughout his body until he lost control.  A giant gust of wind suddenly swept through the village hurling everything in its path.  Stones went flying, small plants were uprooted.  The flying debris flew all around the ransacked village, hitting the bandits and Mannix.  The wind stopped.  Mannix fell.

He woke after a few seconds with a thumping headache.  He looked around, surveying his surrounds, when he saw the bandits, still unconscious.  He let his emotions take over.  He ran to where his house used to be and grabbed a knife his mother used to cook their meals, his meals.  He sprinted towards the bandit with his knife held up high and dived, plunging the knife into one of the bandits and twisted it.  Out he drew it, pausing only to wipe the tears from his eyes before repeating this act on the other bandit.  With his family dead, as were their murderers, too many emotions swirling through his body, he simply lay down and pass out.

When he woke again the sun had moved through half the day.  He was in total despair.  He lay there thinking about the events that had just taken place, weeping as he did.  He suddenly realised the wind.  What had made it appear so suddenly and then disappear in the same way?  it was very unusual for such a thing to happen.  maybe it was just a freak storm, or maybe it was a fabled mage's spell gone wrong.  Whatever it was he knew what he had to do. Up he got and he gathered any belongings he could find useful. With these objects in tow he got the pony and left.

For the first week he simply wondered, going nowhere. Eventually he came upon a village, the people there took pity on him and let him stay.  He stayed in a very small room, with minimal furtinture they gave him, all the time thinking about what to do next.  It was then that he heard talkings from another room about Ximax, the City of Magic.  Perhaps something there could fix his broken soul, because nothing here could.  So it was settled, he would travel to Ximax and battle through life.

After a long and arduous journey, filled with many wrong turns and constant need for directions, he reached Ximax. He sold his pony, realiseing it had no use and would only need food, food he didn't have; and lived on the streets, working any job for whatever money he could get.

One day Mannix saw a mage travelling down the street.  He followed him hoping for some respite from his pain or even just something to amuse him for however short a time.  Mannix followed him right up to the walls of the Academy.  The mage entered, Mannix knew he could not.  He heard a voice, “Oi, you can’t go in there that’s for mage use only, go in the servants entrance.”

Mannix couldn’t believe his luck he might get a job here.  And finally, when he went to the other gate, luck smile upon him, he got through and sneaked into a closet and stole a servant’s outfit.  Dressed in this he wandered aimlessly around the Academy.  He came upon another mage, no, not another mage, the same mage as before.  “Hey, boy come ‘ere.”  Mannix complied. “Doing anything?” Mannix shook his head, too bewildered to speak. “Well you’ll do.  Follow me; you’re my new personal servant.”

Mannix served this mage for some time, and slowly befriended him.  Because of this Mannix accidentally told the mage of his encounter with the bandits.  The mage knew instantaneously, Mannix was Gifted.

The mage entered Mannix into his level one class, while keeping him his servant.  Mannix studied every possible moment, afraid of being cast out of the Academy if he didn’t do well.  He progressed through level one and two and is undertaking level three.


Weapons A quarterstaff used mainly as a walking stick, but it's there just in case.  It is just a bit shorter than Mannix by about a palmspan.

Belongings A medallion of a stylised lighting bolt with the runes for ‘só avásh’, wind, engraved into it.  This is to symbolise Grothar, God of the Weather.
A bag containing:
-A herbal tonic made from 'Dreamers Breath' for standard aliments.
-His spell book.
-A flask of water.
-A pouch containing a few coins.
-A small, dirty, cluttered book containing anything Mannix was intrigued by.


Familiars His mage and mentor's Ximax Cat follows Mannix everywhere he goes.  The cat is called Fenix, and has long, ash coloured fur, with the typical violet eyes.  It follows Mannix because he was instructed to feed it.  This resulted in the cat constantly following him as it became more dependent and loyal.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2007, 10:46:34 AM by Mannix » Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Niccoli Faust
Paél'raín
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 497


Elf, Sanhorrhim


« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2007, 03:10:13 PM »

You need a lot more in everything, and please shrink this! The font size makes it rather annoying to read. I don't think gifted are allowed at this time as first characters.
Ximax cats are very...unique animals, and you will have to describe it much more thoroughly (at all)
Your personality is a mess of contradictions.
Also, the Kyranians are extinct. Their tribe merged with the helcrani several centuries ago.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2007, 03:11:05 PM by Niccoli Faust » Logged
Simonne Miller
Meddling Herbalist
CD Mod
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Gender: Female
Posts: 1223


Human, Caltharian


« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2007, 03:14:49 PM »

Gifted characters are not restricted, however we do discourage people from playing them for a first character.

What I miss in your magic section is what level mage you are. Also, just 'being angry' with someone is usually not enough to trigger the gift. Usually they feel a really extreme emotion before it is triggered.
Logged

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art...

Simonne Miller
Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2007, 03:43:47 PM »

Thank you for the help i greatly appreciate it. it's helped me a lot
THANKS!
Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Niccoli Faust
Paél'raín
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 497


Elf, Sanhorrhim


« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2007, 03:16:22 PM »

Ximaxian cats, are shall we say, highly intelligent (even for cats). Feeding the cat (especially with all the ximaxian rats around) wouldn't exactly endear it to you to this extent. Also: Does it have a name?
Logged
Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2007, 03:22:07 PM »

If you read the entry on Ximax cats on this website you will find that feeding the cats helps build a relationship between the cat and person.  Also the cats may hunt a bit for food but they depend on somebody else to fully feed them.
Thanks anyway

Mannix
« Last Edit: October 20, 2007, 05:19:11 AM by Mannix » Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #6 on: October 19, 2007, 01:30:08 PM »

comment would be greatly appreciated
Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Tojzek Kouba
Young Sentinel
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Posts: 37


Human, Caltharian


« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2007, 04:30:16 PM »

Hiya Mannix. The magic stuff is complicated and can't pretend to be near understanding it so I've mainly kept mainly to a spell/grammar check.  I hope it helps anyway!

You say he has escaped weather-beaten skin and premature aging, but he is only 23. He has yet to age.....

“enjoys studying with animals, especially mythical ones”  Aren’t mythical animals, well, mythical?  As in, they don’t actually exist, so you can’t study with them?  You could study them though.

“He has a tendency to rush into things and complete them as quick as possible.”

“He looked around, surveying his surroundings, when he saw the bandits, still unconscious.”

“he simply lay down and passed out.”

“For the first week he simply wandered, going nowhere”

“So it was settled he would travel to Ximax and battle through life.”

“He followed him hoping for some respite from his pain”

I look forward to roleplaying with you soon :)
Logged

Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2007, 04:33:05 AM »

thanks for the help
Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Garak the Forsaken
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Posts: 4


« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2007, 05:33:27 AM »

If you are going to be a wind mage, you need to have a magic system.
Logged
Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #10 on: October 21, 2007, 05:49:32 AM »

Ready for comments!
grin grin grin
Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Kalína Mërénwèn
Bringer of Song and Dreams
Admin
*****
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Posts: 8411


Elf, Mélad'rhím/ Injerín


WWW
« Reply #11 on: October 21, 2007, 08:01:27 PM »

Could you please place spaces between your paragraphs? This makes them easier to read, especially when colored.
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Lady Kalina
Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2007, 12:54:49 PM »

Done that. Thanks
Ready for comments!
 grin grin grin
Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Nox Belle
Macabre Marionette
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1105


Human, Kasumarii


« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2007, 05:13:46 PM »

^__^  Hello, Mannix! I'll be checking through your CD real quick. Though, because I'm no mod you don't have to take my word for anything, really. Though this is just for a quick spelling and grammar run-through. Though, I'm not that great with grammar so I may have missed or been incorrect about a few things.

Anyways! My corrections and suggestions will be formated gorgeous in green.

Quote
Character Description
Name Mannix Vaelos.

Gender Male.

Age 23.

Race Human.

Tribe Centoraurian.

Occupation   Student.

Title Magus of the Wind.

Appearance
Height Five fores.

Weight One pygge.

Hair Colour Brown.

Eye Colour Brown.

Physical Appearance Mannix is a male who is about five fores tall and weighs about one pygge.  He has brown hair and brown eyes.  His skin is lightly tanned from working outdoors when he lived in a village.  Since he left the hard, manual work relatively early he escaped the premature aging and weatherbeaten skin that can be seen in old people in his old village.  His change of lifestyle to that of a mage has greatly altered his appearance.  His skin no longer tans further, as he spends a lot of time indoors studying. His hands and skin has become softer and smoother.  His facial features are handsome, but not overly so.  He is almost plain looking, with no unusual features.  He was well muscled from his past laborious work, but these lessened so he is now only lightly muscled.  He is not overweight because he does a bit of exercise, but he isn't the fittest person around either.

Clothing Pants, leather boots, a soft woollen surcoat over a woollen tunic in winter and the same in the summer but without the surcoat.  This can get a bit hot on some days but he is good at conjuring wind to cool himself.  These clothes are a neutral brown colour.

Personality He is a wary person who is often reclusive.  He takes time to choose whom he befriends and he chooses wisely.  Once he has though he will talk with them freely and regularly.  He saves his money not because he loves it but because he knows its value and keeps for something better and more useful.  He has a sense of what he believes is right and wrong and if somebody was in trouble, as long as it's not too minor, he would help them with or without rewards.

Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths Mannix is good at magic and does well in his tutoring.  This is advantageous to him because he can go through is tuition quickly and with ease, meaning he can become a more powerful mage and have a better chance of having a better life.

While in Ximax he studied many books about plants, focusing mainly on magical and medicinal plants.  This is beneficial because it can help his progress through magic and a good knowledge of medicinal herbs can always help if the situation arises when they are needed.

He enjoys studying about animals, especially mythical one. This is helpful because he knows how to treat animals he may come across and what benefits they may have.  These are all advantageous to Mannix because(comma) as they say(comma) ‘Knowledge is Power.’

Weaknesses He has a tendency to rush into things and complete (tasks(?)) as quickly as possible.  This is detrimental because things go wrong more often when he does this.

When he reads things he often forgets them easily if he doesn't review them, even briefly, every few months.  This is disadvantageous to him because he may forget something vital to him in a certain situation.

Almost every night he is haunted by his murdering of those two bandits.  This can wake him early and leave him tired and irritable throughout the day.  This can cause many incidents in which he usually comes out of for the worse.

Magic Mannix is ‘gifted’ and so was highly sought after by the Academy.  He is a quite talented mage and excels through learning.  He can(comma) of course(comma) create winds and uses these to do many things such as move objects, hide himself, create protection and change himself.  During his spare time he trains with his magic to become the best he can be, to become more than could have with his family and in his village.  Currently he is part way through level three wind magic.

History His village was raided one day when he was with his stock animals.  When he returned he saw two bandits as they slew his mother and dumping her on top of his already dead brother and father.  This awoke huge and strange emotions he had never felt before. Anger, despair, fear and(comma) overall(comma) the desire for revenge.  These emotions surged throughout his body until he lost control.  A giant gust of wind suddenly swept through the village knocking over everything in its path.  Houses went flying, small plants were uprooted and [color=lime[(comma)of course(comma) the bandits and Mannix flew through the air.  Mannix landed and blacked out.  The wind stopped.

He woke after a few seconds with a thumping headache.  He looked around, surveying his surrounds, when he saw the bandits, still unconscious.  He let his emotions take over.  He ran to where his house used to be and grabbed a knife his mother used to cook their meals, his meals.  He sprinted towards the bandit with his knife held up high and dived, plunging the knife into one of the bandits ands twisted it, twisted it, twisted it.  Out he drew it, pausing only to wipe the tears from his eyes before repeating this act on the other bandit.  With his family dead, as were their murderers, too many emotions swirling through his body(comma) he simply lay down and pass out.

When he woke again the sun had moved through half the day.  He was in total despair.  He lay there thinking about the events that had just taken place, weeping as he did.  He suddenly realized the wind.  What had made it appear so suddenly and then disappear in the same way?  What(no space)ever it was he knew what he had to do. Up he got and he gathered any belongings he could find useful. With these objects in tow he got the pony and left.

For the first week he simply wondered, going nowhere. Eventually he came upon a village, the people there took pity on him and let him stay.  He stayed in his room all the time thinking about what to do next.  It was then that he heard whisperings from another room about Ximax, the City of Magic.  Perhaps something there could fix his broken soul, because nothing here could.  So it was settled(comma) he would travel to Ximax and battle through life.

After a long and arduous journey he reached Ximax. He sold his pony and lived on the streets, working any job for whatever money he could get.

One day and(no ‘and’) Mannix saw a mage traveling down the street.  He followed him hoping fro some respite from his pain or even just something to amuse him for however short a time.  Mannix followed him right up to the walls of the Academy.  The mage entered, Mannix knew he could not.  He heard a voice, “Oi, you can’t go in there that’s for mage use only, go in the servants entrance.”

Mannix couldn’t believe his luck he might get a job here.  And finally(comma) when he went to the other gate(comma) luck smiled upon him(comma) he got through and sneaked into a closet and stole a servant’s outfit.  Dressed in this he wandered aimlessly around the Academy.  He came upon another mage, no, not another mage, the same mage as before.  “Hey, boy come ‘ere.”  Mannix complied. “Doing anything?”  Mannix shook his head, too bewildered to speak. “Well you’ll do.  Follow me; you’re my new personal servant.”

Mannix served this mage for some time, and slowly befriended him.  Because of this Mannix accidentally told the mage of his encounter with the bandits.  The mage knew instantaneously, Mannix was Gifted.

The mage entered Mannix into his level one class, while keeping him his servant.  Mannix studied every possible moment, afraid of being cast out of the Academy if he didn’t do well.  He progressed through level one and two and is undertaking level three.[/color]

Weapons A quarterstaff used mainly as a walking stick, but it's there just in case.  It is just a bit shorter than Mannix by about a palmspan.

Belongings A medallion of a stylized lighting bolt with the runes for ?só avásh?, wind, engraved into it.  This is to symbolize Grothar, God of the Weather.
A bag containing:
-A herbal tonic made from 'Dreamers Breath' for standard aliments.
-His spell(space)book.
-A flask of water.
-A pouch containing a few coins.
-A small, dirty, cluttered book containing anything Mannix was intrigued by.


Familiars His mage and mentor's Ximax Cat follows him everywhere he goes.  The cat is called Fenix, and has long, ash coloured fur, with the typical violet.  It follows Mannix because he was instructed to feed it.  This resulted in the cat constantly following him as it became more dependent and loyal.

That's about it from me! I didn't see much wrong with it. ^__^  Good luck with getting approved soon!

~ heart Nox heart ~
Logged

I plucked the petals one by one
and listened to the clock stop and stick
taa-tick ... taa-tick
Time stopped as I ruined beauty

...CD...
Mannix
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #14 on: October 25, 2007, 01:32:07 PM »

Thanks for the help, it helped a lot.
But could you please remember not everyone spells words the american way.
I spell with a 's' instead of a 'z'.
Anyways, Thanks for the help again!

Mannix
 grin grin grin
Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
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