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Author Topic: Arpis / Kassite-Kaŭrrhem / Hunter  (Read 133 times)
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Arpis
New Santharian

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Posts: 4


« on: October 25, 2007, 02:48:44 PM »

Name: Arpis.

Gender: Male.

Age: 38.

Race: Half-elf.

Tribe: Kassite-Kaŭrrhem.

Occupation: Hunter.

Title: Wandering Champion.

Appearance
Height: 2.1 ped.

Weight: 2 pygge.

Hair / Eye Colour: His hair is a well-groomed neck length curtain of platinum blonde, often tied back using a band of leather in a loose ponytail. 
His eyes are a sapphire blue and are useful in regards to his charisma.  Their colour possesses a strange calming quality that encourages others to trust him. 

Physical Appearance: Typical of both the Kassite and Kaŭrrhem tribes, Arpis is tall, slender and light-skinned.  His hair and eyes are both hallmarks of the Kaŭrrhem tribe, being platinum blonde and sapphire blue respectively.  Altogether, his soft facial features possess a peculiar boyish charm that the ladies seem to find attractive.

His skin - despite all the years spent in the hot Nybelmar sun - never seems to tan.  His body is well-muscled and his hands are calloused with swordmanship and years of manual labour.  On his back is a 1 fore square tattoo of the great Archmage Xarl Bluestride.

He has accumulated a number of injuries in regards to his chosen career.  He has a number of minor cuts and puncture wounds to his body from various beast and human assailants, severe burn marks on left thigh and right hand and a sword gash across his stomach.

Clothing: Arpis is often decked out in a pair of baggy cerulean pants, a white shawl covering his bare chest.  He wears light brown well-worn sandals and a black bandanna covering his forehead.  This bandanna has occasionally gotten Arpis into trouble.  Overly paranoid travellers have confused the one-tone design with those worn by certain independent bandits. 

For jewelery, he always wears a beautiful gold elvish ring on his left index finger and usually wears 3 brass studs in each ear lobe.

Personality: Rational and reasonable, but with a short fuse.  A chronic perfectionist, he despises weakness and failure in himself.  He enjoys travelling alone despite no apparent predilection towards anti-socialism.  He does relish the company of his few friends which he chooses wisely.  As well as being a gifted swordsman and Doimo Brawler, he possesses a keen intellect.  He has a good sense of righteousness having learned to fight to protect others.

Strengths:
  •  Charismatic – Arpis has been able to convince people all his life.  His deep and calm father-figure voice and his eyes seem to be his greatest tools in negotations.  He can easily convince people to help him.

  •  Fighting – Having trained with his father and a group of wanderers, Arpis has learned to be a gifted swordsman and an above average Doimo Brawler.  He has a significant edge in melee combat when armed with a blade or, to a lesser extent, his bare fists.  In addition, he also has a Kardión hound that he has trained to attack on command.

  •  Animal Empathy - He has worked with animals on the family ranch all through childhood.  He has a profound understanding of the way the mind of the domestic beast works.  He can train domestic animals a lot quicker and more efficiently than normal.

  •  Intelligence - Having studies countless books in his home, he has developed an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the processes and uses of the flora of Nybelmar.  His sharp mind also enables him to learn quickly.  Perhaps if he found the right tutor and focussed his mind wholly on study, he could finally grasp the concept of magic.

Weaknesses:
  •  Naïvety – Arpis has little to no experience in the field of bartering.  When buying or selling objects, less scrupulous merchants will often try to overprice or undersell him.
  •  Burns - A past injury from a fire drake still gives him grief.  If heavy force or vibration affects that hand, it can force him to flinch in pain.  Anything remotely, even harmlessly acidic will result in a great deal of pain.  The burns on both his hand and thigh are both tender points.
  •  Aquatic incompetence - Arpis chose to read, spend time with the stock and practice his swordsmanship in his youth.  This left no time for swimming.  Hence, he never learnt.

Weapons:
Long ago, Arpis discovered an iurías on the body of an orc.  A beautiful weapon, he quickly claimed it as his own.  Now it is slightly tarnished and bloodied, but still a high-quality weapon.  He now uses it over the well-worn eteja he received from his father.

Belongings:
Apart from a sack containing:
  •  a blanket made from the hair of the milch goat,
  •  a water skin,
  •  a worn eteja,
  •  a pouch of Santharian currency, and
  •  a bar of soap,
he keeps an exquisite gold ring on his finger at all times, a centuries old elvish heirloom.

Familiars:
He travels with a well-trained Kardión hound named Visegoci.  The hound was a stray that had travelled far from it's Northern Sarvonian home when Arpis discovered him in the Thaelon Forest.  It's unknown if Visegoci had a master before Arpis but it's unlikely given that Kardión hounds can't stand to be separated from their masters.

Unusually well developed for a Kardión hound, he weighs 5 hebs and measures exactly one ped from tail to head.  He stands roughly 2.3 fores from the ground.  The dog is almost completely grey but towards his feet his fur turns a creamy white.  His face his a slightly darker shade of grey  and his ears are jet black.  His nose and tail (1 fore long) are roughly the same colour as the rest of his body. 

Arpis has trained him well and he responds to a number of commands.  He can wait, remain silent, attack (pounce and bite a certain enemy), retrieve (some objects are too heavy though) and scout (search for potential enemies and food) on cue.  Visegoci isn't a poweful dog but he is agile, loyal and an excellent swimmer.

History:
Raised in a Nybelmar cattle ranch to an elven father and a human mother, Arpis led a relatively peaceful childhood despite his distant relationship with his older brother Jarlton.  He easily charmed his parents, neighbours and travelling merchants with his cool temperament, disarming eyes and inquisitive nature.  From an early age he was taught by his mother to read.  He tried to help his family around the ranch but he didn't develop the strength to be anything more than a hindrance until around age 9.  Until this time, he spent much of his time reading random works of literature and associating with the stock while his family worked. 

The ranch was very successful - attracting the attention of bandits and other undesirables. When a group of bandits attacked the ranch, a 12 year-old Arpis could only watch as his family drove the intruders away. He despised his inability to help and requested his father, a gifted swordsman, to help train him.  His father was a gentle parent but a harsh teacher.  After half a year it became obvious that, like his father, Arpis had a gift for swordsmanship.  His father gave him an eteja, an iron longsword, and a bandanna as a gift.

When Arpis was 16, his mother was stricken with a mild Strangling that effectively restricted her to housework.  The workload on Arpis, Jarlton and their father grew accordingly and they understandably struggled.  There was no real risk of the ranch facing bankruptcy but they needed to downsize to prevent the workload from killing them.  It also gave Arpis time to practice his swordplay.

In what was to become the final attack on the family ranch, six armed bandits charged the entrance to the ranch.  Arpis, only 24 at the time, managed to single-handedly defeat the six bandits with only a sword gash across his abdomen.  News of this powerful young man spread amongst the seedy world of armed robbery and provided an excellent deterrant against future attacks.

Arpis had his first brush with magic aged 26 years.  During one lonely midnight walk around the ranch, he noticed a figure near the main lodge.  It appeared to be floating very slowly away from his house.  Approaching the figure, he decided that it was roughly the same size as himself and possibly dark blue in colour.  It sounded like it was singing softly.  Arpis followed the amazing being for nearly half an hour, it seeming to remain totally oblivious to him, until he started to get worried that he would lose his way home.  He wouldn't learn that the creature was a Void Sail until years later.

Arpis left home at the tender age of 29 to see the world and explore the concept of magic.  In the pursuit for employment, Arpis discovered the joys of the nomadic lifestyle and incorporated that into his occupation.  During his wanderings, a group of nomads taught him Doimo Brawling.  He told them of his hunter aspirations and they told him about a Tager that has been recently attacking milch goats on certain Nybelmar ranches.  It's with these wanderers that Arpis met Okhifa'Di, a mage of some power but little renown.  Arpis wanted Okhifa'Di to teach him the ways of magic so he could fully understand what he had seen on the ranch that night.  The mage relectuantly obliged but he was a terrible teacher.  One thing Okhifa'Di could do for Arpis was, through a request from his temporary disciple, magically etch a tattoo of a powerful mage on his back.

For about 4 years Arpis travelled the continent of Nybelmar as a hunter.  The work was exhausting but didn't compare to the labour of the ranch.  Rarely did he find a hunt that could be classified as difficult.  Deciding that Nybelmar had expended it's worth in the deadly and pestilent creature industry, he caught a ship to Sarvonia.

An unusual canine entered Arpis's life soon after he travelled to Sarvonia.  The dog was weak with exhaustion, starvation and loneliness when he discovered Arpis.  The dog's new master fed, watered and cared for the dog, offered companionship and taught him to follow simple commands.  Later revealed to be a Kardión Hound, Arpis named his canine companion Visegoci.

Arpis now travels Sarvonia as a hunter.  For 5 years he has developed a strong reputation as an efficient hunter of all things that cause problems for a community.  Possibly his hardest hunt was his first one - the Tager that had been attacking ranches near the mountains - due to it's flying ability.  His chosen occupation has proven to be very dangerous.  When hunting an aggressive fire drake for a tiny volcano-dwelling community, it severely burnt him on the right hand and left thigh, an injury that still affects him a year later.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2007, 05:22:50 AM by Arpis » Logged
Mika
Vagabond Horse Whisperer
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Gender: Male
Posts: 48


Human, mostly Centoraurian


« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2007, 06:38:45 PM »

Hey there! I have to admit i like the look of your character but i thought i'd give you a quick heads up.

Your going to need to change your message icon to the paper with pencil one if your still writing, or the exclamation mark, if your wanting comments.

Other than that i'd love to find out how he learnt magic, my own char doesnt use it but its supposed to be quite a big thing in the world of Caelereth.

Oh, and a last thing before i carry on my own edits (theres no such thing as too much detail!), you might want to check a few words here and there. You mentioned a small brigand of thugs, a brigand would be a single bloke, its just a term. Did you mean band?

Anywho, Im off, kit to iron and edits to do. Best of luck!

Mika Sam's
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Reality and Normality are both Perceptions of the Mind.
Challenge Normality and watch your Reality Change.
Self Belief and Courage are all that is Required.

Niccoli Faust
Paél'raín
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Posts: 497


Elf, Sanhorrhim


« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2007, 11:47:41 PM »

Your spell doesn't fit with the santharian magic system. You might want to read up on that.
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Arpis
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Posts: 4


« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2007, 03:15:57 PM »

Let's see what we have here...
With brigand, I actually meant brigade but band seems more appropriate in the context.
I guess he doesn't need to know magic.  Getting rid of it out of his description will make life a lot easier.
Oh and thanks for picking up on the message icon.  I didn't think it looked right on the forum.

Thanks for being patient with a first-timer.  Cheers!
Logged
Mannix
New Santharian

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Gender: Male
Posts: 24


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2007, 09:40:08 AM »

Hey Arpis

First of all I'd like to sya that you CD is very good.

Anyways i have notices a few things that you might like to fix up:
- your physical appearance is not long enough, try looking at other peoples', especially approved characters, but it doesn't have to be as long asw some (they're HUGE)
- your history could be longer.
- you could describe your dog a bit more, eg. what colour is it, etc.
- when you said that he is at a disadvantage to undead, isn't everyone.  and also they are hardly something you come across everyday.  I'm not saying you have to change anything, but you could think it through again.  P.S please don't take offence, I'm just trying to help.

Mannix
Logged

His word was the roar of thunder, His glance was the look of the eagle,
His might was the strenght of the bear, His guile was the cunning of the fox,
His temper was the death of men.
Mika
Vagabond Horse Whisperer
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Gender: Male
Posts: 48


Human, mostly Centoraurian


« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2007, 11:56:06 PM »

Just a quickie!

Im glad to read it was just a band, a brigade is over one thousand men! I was wondering though, who did he learn his swordsmanship from? It'd be a good thing to include in your history along with how he got those burn marks. Also, is tattooing common among your tribe? I'm not into my elven tribes much, despite the research i did into the ones for my own CD.

Im off again,

Take Care!

Mika
« Last Edit: October 28, 2007, 01:15:30 AM by Mika » Logged

Reality and Normality are both Perceptions of the Mind.
Challenge Normality and watch your Reality Change.
Self Belief and Courage are all that is Required.

Jiro Koshi
Backshadow Assassin
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 601


Human, Kanapan/Kasumarii


« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2007, 12:18:55 AM »

-(optional) Make sure to use full sentences for everything below Eye Colour, as not only will it make your appearance and clothing longer, but it is easier to read.

-Eliminate your magic section and put what you said about it under your history or personality.

-Add 1-2 more strengths and 2-4 more weaknesses.

-(optional) Put your history section last because it's the longest part of your CD.

-Add 1-2 more paragraphs under your history, and/or add more lines to your pre-existing paragraphs.

-Use semi colons after subjects.
  • Name:
  • Gender:
  • Age:
etc., all the way down.

-Add swordsmanship to your strengths section and describe how proficient he is.



Anyways, great job with all the work and research. I'll come back and do background checks if you integrate most of those suggestions I made.
Logged




~::Heroes: The Emergence::~
Arpis
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Posts: 4


« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2007, 12:01:42 PM »

Hey guys who check these things.
I think I've taken everyone's comments into consideration.  Sorry if I forgot something.  I still like you who made the comment.  You're a good person with valid opinions.
Keep up the good work!
Logged
Simonne Miller
Meddling Herbalist
CD Mod
***
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Gender: Female
Posts: 1223


Human, Caltharian


« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2007, 04:35:24 PM »

Time for a uri-check then. Comments will be in teal

Name: Arpis.

Gender: Male.

Age: 29. This is really young for a half-elf. You could become up to 390 years old, so why play a human age? Might as well play a human then, no?

Race: Human/Elf. Also called 'half-elf' or 'maelf' ;)

Tribe: Kassite-Kaŭrrhem.

Occupation: Hunter.

Title: Wandering Champion.

Appearance
Height: 2.1 ped.

Weight: 2 pygge.

Hair / Eye Colour: His hair is a well-groomed neck length curtain of platinum blonde, often tied back using a band of leather in a loose ponytail. 
His eyes are a sapphire blue and are a useful tool in interrogation. How often does he have to interrogate people then? He's a hunter, I don't think they'd often ask him to interrogate criminals... They can seemingly extract lies from the back of a person's mind before they are told with a single withering stare.

Physical Appearance: Typical of both the Kassite and Kaŭrrhem tribes, Arpis is tall, slender and light-skinned.  His hair and eyes are both hallmarks of the Kaŭrrhem tribe, being platinum blonde and sapphire blue respectively.  Altogether, his soft facial features possess a peculiar boyish charm that the ladies seem to find attractive.

His skin - despite all the years spent in the hot Nybelmar sun - never seems to tan.  His body is well-muscled and his hands are calloused with swordmanship and years of manual labour.  On his back is a 1 fore square tattoo of the great Archmage Xarl Bluestride.

He has accumulated a number of injuries in regards to his chosen career.  He has a number of minor cuts and puncture wounds to his body from various beast and human assailants, severe burn marks on left thigh and right hand and a sword gash across his stomach.

Clothing: Arpis is often decked out in a pair of baggy cerulean pants, a white shawl covering his bare chest.  He wears light brown well-worn sandals and a black bandanna covering his forehead.  This bandanna has occasionally gotten Arpis into trouble.  Overly paranoid travellers have confused the one-tone design with those worn by certain independent bandits. 

For jewelery, he always wears a beautiful gold elvish ring on his left index finger and usually wears 3 brass studs in each ear lobe.

Personality: Rational and reasonable, but with a short fuse.  A chronic perfectionist, he despises weakness and failure in himself.  He enjoys travelling alone despite no apparent predilection towards anti-socialism.  He does relish the company of his few friends which he chooses wisely.  As well as being a gifted swordsman and Doimo Brawler, he possesses a keen intellect.  He has a good sense of righteousness having learned to fight to protect others.

Strengths:
  •  Charismatic – Arpis has been able to convince people all his life.  His deep and calm father-figure voice and his eyes seem to be his greatest tools in negotations.  He can easily convince people to help him.

  •  Fighting – Having trained with his father and a group of wanderers, Arpis has learned to be a gifted swordsman and an above average Doimo Brawler.  He has a significant edge in melee combat when armed with a blade or, to a lesser extent, his bare fists.

  •  Animal Empathy - He has worked with animals on the family ranch all through childhood.  He has a profound understanding of the way the mind of the domestic beast works.  He can train domestic animals a lot quicker and more efficiently than normal.

  •  Intelligence - Having poured through countless books in his home, he has developed an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the processes and uses of the flora of Nybelmar.  His sharp mind also (space) enables him to learn quickly.  Perhaps if he found the right tutor and focussed his mind wholly on study, he could finally grasp the concept of magic.

Weaknesses:
  •  Naïvety – Arpis has little to no experience in the field of bartering.  When buying or selling objects, more scrupulous merchants I'd say it were the less scrupulous ones, no? Scrupulous means that you have a high moral standard :) will often try to overprice or undersell him.

  •  Swordsmanship - Due to his hunts - and indeed all his battle experience - being almost melee, he has little experience fighting ranged attackers.  When pitted against archers and the such, he is at a grave disadvantage.  However, due to his study of mage literature, he has a very basic understanding of the average mage and doesn't seem to be at such a disadvantage. I'm afraid this is not a good weakness. You compare yourself with the average Santharian, who also doesn't have experience fighting ranged attackers.

  •  Innocence - Due to his upbringing, he has a deep raport with domestic animals.  As such, he could never bring himself to strike a domestic animal unless it attacked him first or there was a good reason too, e.g. he was starving.  On occasion, he will hesitate to strike feral animals too. I fail to see why this is a weakness. How often does it occur that he HAS to strike a domestic animal and he doesn't do it? Not often, I should think. Also, if he hesitates to strike feral animals, why has he chosen to be a hunter?

Weapons:
Long ago, Arpis discovered an iurías on the body of an orc.  A beautiful weapon, he quickly claimed it as his own.  Now it is slightly tarnished and bloodied, but still a high-quality weapon.

Belongings:
Apart from a sack containing:
  •  a blanket made from the hair of the milch goat,
  •  a water skin,
  •  a pouch of Santharian currency, and
  •  a bar of soap,
he keeps an exquisite gold ring on his finger at all times, a centuries old elvish heirloom.

Familiars:
He travels with a well-trained Kardión hound named Visegoci.  The hound was a stray that had travelled far from it's Northern Sarvonian home when Arpis discovered him. Uhm,  yeah, if you found him in Nybelmar, he strayed VERY far from his home. In fact, he strayed over a very wide expanse of water. It's unknown if Visegoci had a master before Arpis but it's unlikely given that Kardión hounds can't stand to be separated from their masters.

Unusually well developed for a Kardión hound, he weighs 5 hebs and measures exactly one ped from tail to head.  He stands roughly 2.3 fores from the ground.  The dog is almost completely grey but towards his feet his fur turns a creamy white.  His face his a slightly darker shade of grey  and his ears are jet black.  His nose and tail (1 fore long) are roughly the same colour as the rest of his body. 

Arpis has trained him well and he responds to a number of commands.  He can wait, remain silent, attack (pounce and bite a certain enemy), retrieve (some objects are too heavy though) and scout (search for potential enemies and food) on cue.  Visegoci isn't a poweful dog but he is agile, loyal and an excellent swimmer. I think you should add the dog as a strength as well, since he means an advantage over someone who doesn't have a dog to attack enemies.

History:
Raised in a Nybelmar cattle ranch to an elven father and a human mother, Arpis led a relatively peaceful childhood despite his distant relationship with his older brother Jarlton. He easily charmed his parents, neighbours and travelling merchants with his cool tempermenttemperament, disarming eyes and inquisitive nature.  From an early age he tried to help his family around the ranch but he didn't develop the strength to be anything more than a hindrance until around age 6.  Until this time, he spent much of his time reading random works of literature and associating with the stock while his family worked. Who taught him to read?

The ranch was very successful - attracting the attention of bandits and other undesirables. When a group of bandits attacked the ranch, he could only watch as his family drove the intruders away. He despised his inability to help and requested his father, a gifted swordsman, to help train him.  His father was a gentle parent but a harsh teacher.  It was soon obvious that, like his father, Arpis had a gift for swordsmanship. 

When Arpis was 10, his mother was stricken with a mild Strangling that effectively restricted her to housework.  The workload on Arpis, Jarlton and their father grew accordingly and they understandably struggled.  There was no real risk of the ranch facing bankruptcy but they needed to downsize to prevent the workload from killing them.

In what was to become the final attack on the family ranch, six armed bandits charged the entrance to the ranch.  Arpis, only 13 at the time, managed to single-handedly defeat the six bandits with only a sword gash across his abdomen.  News of this powerful child spread amongst the seedy world of armed robbery and provided an excellent deterrant against future attacks. Ahem... Could I ask you to tone this down just a bit? It's honestly just not believable that a 13-year-old boy with what, 4 or 5 years of practicing with a sword, would defeat 6 grown-up bandits with years of experience in actual fighting. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't happen that way. He'd be lucky to wound one or two and kill one. You could say that bandits decided afterwards not to come back because the combination of him and his father is too much of a bother for a farm that had lost part of its wealth. Aside from this, at 13 years old you'd have the approximate knowledge and appearance of a 10-year-old, making it even more unbelievable.

Arpis had his first brush with magic aged 15 years.  During one lonely midnight walk around the ranch, he noticed a figure near the main lodge.  It appeared to be floating very slowly away from his house.  Approaching the figure, he decided that it was roughly the same size as himself and possibly dark blue in colour.  It sounded like it was singing softly.  Arpis followed the amazing being for nearly half an hour, it seeming to remain totally oblivious to him, until he started to get worried that he would lose his way home.  He wouldn't learn that the creature was a Void Sail until years later.

Arpis left home at the tender age of 20 very tender, for a half-elf to see the world and explore the concept of magic.  In the pursuit for employment, Arpis discovered the joys of the nomadic lifestyle and incorporated that into his occupation.  During his wanderings, a group of nomads taught him Doimo Brawling.  He told them of his hunter aspirations and they told him about a Tager that has been recently attacking milch goats on certain Nybelmar ranches.  It's with these wanderers that Arpis met Okhifa'Di, a mage of some power but little renown.  Arpis wanted Okhifa'Di to teach him the ways of magic so he could fully understand what he had seen on the ranch that night.  The mage relectuantly reluctantly obliged but he was a terrible teacher.  One thing Okhifa'Di could do for Arpis was, through a request from his temporary disciple, magically etch a tattoo of a powerful mage on his back.

An unusual canine entered Arpis's life soon after he decided to become a hunter.  The dog was weak with exhaustion, starvation and loneliness when he discovered Arpis.  The dog's new master fed, watered and cared for the dog, offered companionship and taught him to follow simple commands.  Later revealed to be a Kardión Hound, Arpis named his canine companion Visegoci. Like I said, the chance of him finding this dog in Nybelmar is small.

Arpis now travels Caelereth as a hunter, though rarely does he travel to continents other than Nybelmar or Sarvonia. You make it sound as though it's quite easy to travel from Nybelmar to Sarvonia and back. In fact, it's a sea journey of a couple of months, sometimes even up to a year depending on weather conditions and where they sail from. You don't just hop over to Sarvonia for a quick visit. Pick one of the two contintents and let him stay there, they're quite big enough. My advice would be to pick Sarvonia, as that is where almost all our stories take place, if not all. Also think of a reason why he'd go to Sarvonia. For 5 years he has developed a strong reputation as an efficient hunter of all things that cause problems for a community.  Possibly his hardest hunt was his first one - the Tager that had been attacking ranches near the mountains - due to it's flying ability.  His chosen occupation has proven to be very dangerous.  When hunting an aggressive fire drake for a tiny volcano-dwelling community, it severely burnt him on the right hand and left thigh. Does this still hinder him? Does it still hurt his hand, for example? If so, you could add it as a weakness.

Ok, that's it for now. You certainly have an interesting character, and I can see that you did your research. I hope I helped you a little :). Please remember to actually make him a half-elf, and not a human who happens to have an elf for a father, which is kind of the feeling I get when reading this. Or you could make him human, in which case I don't have anything further to add ;)

With regard,
Simonne
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Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art...

Simonne Miller
Arpis
New Santharian

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Posts: 4


« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2007, 05:27:41 AM »

Hello again.

OK I think I covered everything.

 lots of heart

Sammy D
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