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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD. 4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD. 5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title. 6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Albel/Ancient Elf/Bounty Hunter  (Read 295 times)
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Albel Xiloscient
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« on: October 29, 2007, 02:21:30 AM »

Name-Albel Xiloscient

Gender-Male

Race-Elf

Age-604

Tribe-Ahrhim

Profession-Bounty Hunter

Title-Albel the Wicked

Summary-I'm strange. Actually I'm completely out of it to other people, but I actually see the world as it is, not the twisted version most people see it as. I own a mansion that I'm rarely at and when I am there, I'm just there, I don't do anything. Most people think I go,for some idiotic reason, there to die and then reborn myself, mostly because I look younger and seem happier, not that I'm ever happy, when I come back. Actually, I sit around drink alot and make love to my betrothed, Alleah.

Appearance

Height-I'm 2 and a half peds tall

Hair Colour-Black with blonde tips

Eye Colour-Blood Red, I don't see how it's possible I have red eyes, but I do.

Physical appearance-I don't use my clan symbol, I use the Moh'rhim glyph, which is tattooed to my back. I look almost like a wraith, my fiance has told me, moving very fluidly and accurately. When I smile people tend to feel a chill crawl up their spine which, in turn, makes their skin crawl, so you could say that I have an aura that unnerves people. You can tell when I walk into a room and I'm in a bad mood, because you get that same chill that you get if you see me smile. I wear iron shoes with long socks that end at my upper thighs. I also wear a half-shirt and hip pads. My hair is wrapped in a bandages in the back so it looks like I have two tails growing from the back of my head.

Personality-I'm a very gloomy person. I used to like to have company, but people take one look at me and think I'm going to kill them. Maybe one person out of a hundred will try to be my friend. I have grown to hate humans for their stupidity because every time I have tried to talk to one they would back off. I don't like company anymore because most people usually try to kill me. I like to spend time with Alleah.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths-I am very quick and accurate. I'm a bit faster than other elves. I also have skill in exotic weapons, namely the bastard sword and my Demon Reaper. The bastard sword is a wee heavier than the longsword so at first it was hard to wield, but now it's made me stronger.

Weaknesses-Being an Ahrhim elf, I have always hated sunlight. I can stand it for little while, but if I stay in direct sunlight for more than an hour or two, I feel like my brain is boiling. I had a meeting with an employer once, and he was really late. By the time he got there I coundn't think straight so he got me to take the job for half of what it was worth.


History-I have no family, save Alleah. My mother died giving birth to me and my father died in a war. From an early age, I have been trained in the art of combat by an Ahrhim Elf that I can't seem to remember his name. Other than that I have no recollection of my past. The Ahrhim Elf that trained me died a little after I finished my training. I can sometimes remember bits and peices, but none of them stick in my head long enough to write them down.

Weapons-I has an ancient claw named "Demon Reaper." Which is like a gauntlet that runs from the top of my shoulder to a nailsbreadth past my fingers. The armor that covers my fingers on my left hand are claws. The claws have small screws at each knuckle on every finger. The Demon Reaper was made by an elf (it is not the only claw like this, but it has a name because an elf forged it and named it.) In my right hand I use a bastard sword.

Personal Items-I wear a vial filled with what I believe is dragon blood. I own a few salves for patching up cuts, some herbs for soothing headaches, bandages for bandaging broken bones etc....
« Last Edit: December 04, 2007, 06:27:38 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

Since I no longer think of reality as reality, what reason would I have to think of dreams as dreams?
                                      -Saigyo
Tobac Indalen
Wandering Bard
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Posts: 299


Elf, Diorye'oleal


« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2007, 02:28:59 AM »

You should do your CD in the proper format.
Observe:

Name -

Gender -

Age -

Race -

And so on.

Here's the guide.
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"Reality leaves much to the imagination..."
Mika
Vagabond Horse Whisperer
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Posts: 48


Human, mostly Centoraurian


« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2007, 10:51:52 AM »

Also you might want to change your topic title to be the same as the rest. Its a minor niggle, but one designed to help you.
Logged

Reality and Normality are both Perceptions of the Mind.
Challenge Normality and watch your Reality Change.
Self Belief and Courage are all that is Required.

Mika
Vagabond Horse Whisperer
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Posts: 48


Human, mostly Centoraurian


« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2007, 09:25:12 PM »

Im going to dispapoint you friend, but you cant use the tribe you want to.. Not unless your CD is epic in proportion. Please read what Tobac has said and use the layout in his post, anyother format will most likely be overlooked. Im sorry but thats the way it is.. Everyone here would like to get you into the Dream as quickly as possible but you need to work with us.

Just to cover a few points in your CD;
Restrictions
Ref.Restricted.Tribes and Cults
Goltherhim: Extinct; melded with the Sanhorrhim and Helcrani in 706 b.S.

Japanese glyphs dont exist in Caelereth, but im unsure as to wether or not using them as a description is recommended against. Perhaps if you checked out Stryish, you could use that as an example, that way people have a better idea of what you mean.

Dragons, are not something that is readily encountered. Even if we took the age of your character into account, I'm not sure if he would have encountered any in southern Sarvonia, even during the period known as Dragonstorm. As such, dragons blood in a vial is highly unlikely, perhaps "Abel" simply believes it to be dragons blood.

An arm animated by magic is also most likely not something that would be possible. Enchanted weapons are very rarely allowed, even when they have been created through thh development side of these boards, let alone the RP side in a characters history. Also the fact that its JUST your arm that was severed is a little unlikely. A dragon, if it took your arm off in one swipe, would most likely burnt you to a cinder along with the cohort of men you were with when you tried to attack it. If you tried to take it on one to one, you'd be a smear or lunch, or a combination of the two.

Please dont take this unfairly, but theres alot of things you need to look up, and you also need to write a lot more to get away with some of the more minor things. Check out Tobac's link at this page and format your Character Description as it says.



I hope to see your story very soon.
Mika.
Logged

Reality and Normality are both Perceptions of the Mind.
Challenge Normality and watch your Reality Change.
Self Belief and Courage are all that is Required.

Albel Xiloscient
New Santharian

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Posts: 12



« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2007, 10:41:10 PM »

 cry oh man, this is going to take awhile oh yeah and its Albel not "Abel"
« Last Edit: October 29, 2007, 10:53:32 PM by Albel Nox » Logged

Since I no longer think of reality as reality, what reason would I have to think of dreams as dreams?
                                      -Saigyo
Mika
Vagabond Horse Whisperer
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Gender: Male
Posts: 48


Human, mostly Centoraurian


« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2007, 11:12:14 PM »

Please forgive me, my mistake. As for this taking a while, dont fret, once you divide your description up you will see how easy it is to add more and more to him. Fleshing him out for the rest of us.

Just in the meantime, change your topic icon to a pencil and paper. Feel free to look over the archived characters for examples of how others have spun their characters. Don't plagiarize them, just observe how the descriptions are written.

Yours,
Mika
Logged

Reality and Normality are both Perceptions of the Mind.
Challenge Normality and watch your Reality Change.
Self Belief and Courage are all that is Required.

Albel Xiloscient
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Posts: 12



« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2007, 11:40:11 PM »

sweet thanks
Logged

Since I no longer think of reality as reality, what reason would I have to think of dreams as dreams?
                                      -Saigyo
Albel Xiloscient
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Posts: 12



« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2007, 05:44:45 AM »

 grin You were right it didn't take me that long. Thanks.
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Since I no longer think of reality as reality, what reason would I have to think of dreams as dreams?
                                      -Saigyo
Helvl
The Cold Pilgrim
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Half-Elf, Korweynite/ Karrhem


« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2007, 07:29:02 AM »

I think I'll do a uri-check  grin
My comments will be in orange

Name-Albel Nox

Gender-Male

Race-Elf

Tribe-Helcrani I am sorry to tell you that your tribe is not an elven tribe

Profession-Daemon Slayer (Hmm....)

Title-Albel the Wicked

Summary-Albel is.....strange, yeah, lets put it that way, he's strange. Actually he's completely out of it to other people, but he actually sees the world as it is, not the twisted version most Pepe (people) see it as. He owns a mansion that he's rarely at and when he is there, he's just there not doing anything. Most people think he goes there to die and then reborn himself, mostly because he looks younger and seems happier, not that he's ever happy, when he comes back. Actually he goes there to visit the spirit world to see his mother and father.
(I am quite sorry to tell you this: We have a netherworld but its more of a myth rather than an actual place. And also you must give us an explanation on why most people think that he goes there to die and reborn himself... a more appropriate explanation please)

Appearance

Height-He's 1 and a half peds tall

Hair Colour-Black with blonde tips (Since I do not know what race your character belongs to... I cannot give details on this but check the tribe on the main site)

Eye Colour-Blood Red; some say his eyes are made of the blood of a Daemon, but that's just a legend (I don't think that any tribe has a red eye..).

Physical appearance-He doesn't use his clan symbol, he uses the symbol of the Moh'rhim glyph, which is tattooed to his back. He looks almost like a wraith, moving very fluidly and accurately. When he smiles people tend to fell a chill crawl up their spine which, in turn, makes their skin crawl, so you could say that he has an aura that unnerves people. You can tell when he walks into a room and he's in a bad mood, because you get that same chill that you get if you see him smile. He wears iron shoes with long socks that end at his upper thighs. He also wears a half-shirt and hip pads. His hair is wrapped in a bandages in the back so it looks like he has two tails growing from the back of his head.

Personality-He has this dark and gloomy aura that just makes people afraid of him when they first meet him. If he walks into a tavern, the whole tavern will probably fall silent and stare at him. His voice just has this....this.. I can't find a word for it.
(Can you please tell us about his personality? What you are telling us here is quite... not his personality)

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths-Being a Daemon slayer, he sometimes gets Daemon blood in his mouth and it has given him this vampiric strength and taste for the blood of others. Most of his attacks hit accurately, but doesn't kill because he wants to savor the kill.
Demons are rarely encountered and most people think of them as myths than real creatures (I think)
Weaknesses-Having a small amount of Daemon blood in his veins, holy water burns him, not as bad as it would a Daemon but it scalds his skin. If he walks into a church, which he wouldn't do willingly, he will almost burst into flames and die, but I said almost instead he goes crazy until he gets out. Hmmm... as I have said in your str.... Maybe he just believes this..

Magic-The ability to leap to the spirit world using rituals that take a full month to complete once every 300 hundred years.
(This is not possible)

History-He has no family, save his beautiful fiance, Aleah. His mother died giving birth to him and his father died protecting him from a dragon. From an early age, Albel was trained in the art of combat by the very few Shadow Elves remaining. This is most likely moves like a wraith, growing up with Shadow Elves. After that he has told no one of his past.
You write you characters as if you are an all seeing historian.... You know what happened and when it happened
Weapons-He has an ancient claw named "Daemon Reaper." Which is like a gauntlet that runs from the top of his shoulder to a nailsbreadth past his fingers. His fingers are claws on his left hand, because of the Daemon Reaper. The claws are part of the Daemon Reaper, and have small screws at each knuckle on every finger. The Daemon Reaper is spiritually bound to his soul, was forged by an ancient Shadow Elf, and only one exists.

Personal Items-He wears a vial filled with what he believes is dragon blood. He owns a few salves for healing warts, patching up cuts, soothing headaches, and bandaging broken bones.

Pets-Albel has a snake that follows him, he has named the snake "Drake." The snake doesn't follow him into towns.

Please read the cd that has been approved to see what is expected from a cd apllication.

Well good luck!
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"Twice now that I have turned my back, there will be no third"
"Helvl Ypheren"
Simonne Miller
Meddling Herbalist
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Human, Caltharian


« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2007, 04:02:22 PM »

Hi Albel!

Helvil already gave you some valid comments, so I'm just going to elaborate a bit on what he said and then add some.

Name-Albel Nox

How old is Albel?

Gender-Male

Race-Elf

Tribe-Helcrani

Profession-Daemon Slayer It's written 'Demon' and I'm afraid you can't use it, demons are supposed to be mythical since after the War of the Chosen long ago.

Title-Albel the Wicked

Summary-Albel is.....strange, yeah, lets put it that way, he's strange. Actually he's completely out of it to other people, but he actually sees the world as it is, not the twisted version most Pepe see it as. He owns a mansion that he's rarely at and when he is there, he's just there not doing anything. Most people think he goes there to die and then reborn himself, mostly because he looks younger and seems happier, not that he's ever happy, when comes back. Actually he goes there to visit the spirit world to see his mother and father.

Appearance

Height-He's 1 and a half peds tall You realise this is really very small for a human or an elf?

Hair Colour-Black with blonde tips

Eye Colour-Blood Red; some say his eyes are made of the blood of a Daemon, but that's just a legend. Please make your eyes a natural colour that fits with your tribe.


Personality-He has this dark and gloomy aura that just makes people afraid of him when they first meet him. If he walks into a tavern, the whole tavern will probably fall silent and stare at him. His voice just has this....this.. I can't find a word for it. Helvil already said this is not his personality. Let me give you some examples; What you wrote is how people react to him. What we ask is how he reacts to people. Is he happy or sad? Does he like spending time with other people, or is he a loner? How does he react to women, indifferent or is he a charmer? We ask for things like this. There's so much you can tell us about how he views the world, so please do so.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths-Being a Daemon slayer, he sometimes gets Daemon blood in his mouth and it has given him this vampiric strength and taste for the blood of others. Most of his attacks hit accurately, but doesn't kill because he wants to savor the kill.

Weaknesses-Having a small amount of Daemon blood in his veins, holy water burns him, not as bad as it would a Daemon but it scalds his skin. If he walks into a church, which he wouldn't do willingly, he will almost burst into flames and die, but I said almost instead he goes crazy until he gets out. I'm sorry but neither your strength nor your weakness is applicable. Since Demons are considered mythical, you can't have drunk from their blood. Even if they did really exist, vampiric strength doesn't really have anything to do with it. Please take a look at some of the approved characters to see what kinds of strengths they have and how they balance them. Equally, your weakness is not applicable. We do not have holy water or churches, so you can't use them.

Magic-The ability to leap to the spirit world using rituals that take a full month to complete once every 300 hundred years. If you want a character that uses magic, that magic will have to fit into the world of Santharia. I'd advise you to leave magic out of it entirely, as keeping it will greatly lengthen the time you need to get your character approved.

History-He has no family, save his beautiful fiance, Aleah. His mother died giving birth to him and his father died protecting him from a dragon. From an early age, Albel was trained in the art of combat by the very few Shadow Elves remaining. This is most likely moves like a wraith, growing up with Shadow Elves. After that he has told no one of his past. Please tell us a bit more about your character's history. How did he and his fiancee meet? Did he ever have problems because he's so short? Is there a reason for him being so short? I'm afraid your father can't be killed by a dragon, dragons are mythical. Maybe it was a drake? Likewise, you can't have been trained by shadow elves, who are mythical. That would be like the real you being trained by elves in the real world.

Weapons-He has an ancient claw named "Daemon Reaper." Which is like a gauntlet that runs from the top of his shoulder to a nailsbreadth past his fingers. His fingers are claws on his left hand, because of the Daemon Reaper. The claws are part of the Daemon Reaper, and have small screws at each knuckle on every finger. The Daemon Reaper is spiritually bound to his soul, was forged by an ancient Shadow Elf, and only one exists. This sounds like an artifact, a claw that is spiritually bound to his soul. I'm afraid you can only use weapons that have actually been developped and can be found on the site.

Personal Items-He wears a vial filled with what he believes is dragon blood. Does he do anything with this? It's not real dragon blood, is it? He just believes this? He owns a few salves for healing warts, patching up cuts, soothing headaches, and bandaging broken bones. A salve to soothe a headache? That seems a little strange. Maybe you should broaden it to 'a few herbs and salves'.

Pets-Albel has a snake that follows him, he has named the snake "Drake." The snake doesn't follow him into towns. Where did he meet this snake? Why does it follow him? How does it know when he leaves the town again, if he leaves it on the other side for example? Why won't it follow him into a town?

I'm sorry that I have to tell you so many things are not possible. We just had to draw the line somewhere, and we had to say certain things were mythical, but that means that those things can't be used as if they're real. Please research a bit on the site what does exist and what he can use. If you're not sure, don't hesitate to ask us, we're happy to help :)

With regard,
Simonne
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Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art...

Simonne Miller
Albel Xiloscient
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Posts: 12



« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2007, 02:16:43 AM »

Can someone please tell me something good about my character?
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Since I no longer think of reality as reality, what reason would I have to think of dreams as dreams?
                                      -Saigyo
Simonne Miller
Meddling Herbalist
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Human, Caltharian


« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2007, 02:32:20 PM »

If you do not take the trouble of integrating the comments that are given to you, or at least tell me why you haven't, then I'm sorry to say that I cannot help you further.
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Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art...

Simonne Miller
Twn Arerwn
Melancholy Mage
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Elf, Iferhm


« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2007, 11:58:16 PM »

Hello Albel and welcome to Santharia! Just to kick things off on the proper note. I was asked by another player to see if you would alter your last name. Nox is a pretty active player onsite and it is troubling her that you have used her name.

Shadow Elves wandered the world in a time long before present times. They have not been seen or heard from in so long that they are considered mythical beings. Since they are considered mythical you can not have mentions of meeting them, being raised by them or even the vaguest sighting of them. If your character were to see them, they would not be considered myths, would they?

Also: The weapon you mention in your belongings is a strength if you have the remotest skill with it.

Your father can not be killed by a dragon. They are considered mythical as well and for there to be proof of their existence makes them not a myth.

Overall you really need to read over the entire CD, there is a multitude of grammatical errors. So many that I am not inclined to write comments that exceed the entire length of your CD. Please use the spell check provided in this forum to assist you in this matter.

I hope my comments aid you in being titled soon. If you have any questions please feel free to ask them here as there are many willing to help you. I changed the icon to the pencil while you make edits, please return it to the exclamation mark when you are finished and ready for more comments.
~Sincerely~
Co cr'tuulens:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: November 18, 2007, 12:31:09 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

he pe e pon the rowd ike a ragon, ncient and u o eath
Albel Xiloscient
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Posts: 12



« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2007, 09:31:50 PM »

Well, you have to think here. One, he's not going to meet everyone in the world. Two, even if he met everyone in the world they aren't all going to believe him. Three, I bet some people don't even know what a Shadow Elf is. Four, I didn't even know that me using the last name of one my characters on a different game would bother someone that uses the same name. Five.....ummm......when I started writing this post I had a fifth, but when I got to number five I forgot it......It sucks.
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Since I no longer think of reality as reality, what reason would I have to think of dreams as dreams?
                                      -Saigyo
Simonne Miller
Meddling Herbalist
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Posts: 1223


Human, Caltharian


« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2007, 09:41:01 PM »

One and two: This is not about people believing him or not, it's about this being possible in the world that our characters live in. Shadow elves are mythical, so nobody can be raised by them. Three: see my previous point. Four: no, you couldn't know this. That is why we asked you in a friendly manner to change it instead of assuming that you would know. You are not the first who we have asked to change their name (first or last) because it was the same as an active player's.

You see the little plaque underneath Twen's name? And under mine? This means you will have to pass us in order to get your CD approved. When we say that Shadow elves are mythical and therefore cannot raise any present-day person, I'm afraid you will have to believe us. I hope you understand, there are just certain rules that we have to keep in mind.

I hope my answer helped you with some of your concerns.

With regard,
Simonne
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Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art...

Simonne Miller
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