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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD. 4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD. 5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title. 6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Sir Burning Shadow (Adventurer/Rider/Hunter)  (Read 44 times)
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Sir Burning Shadow
New Santharian

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Posts: 1


« on: December 24, 2007, 05:26:50 PM »

Name: Sir Burning Shadow
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Race: Human
Tribe: Centoraurian/Erpheronian
Occupation: Horse Breeder/Smith
Title: Adventurer/Rider/Hunter
Character Portrait: (Shown in picture below)
Height: 2 Peds
Weight: 15 Hebs or 1.5 Pygges
Hair Color: Light Brown Medium length Hair
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Physical Appearance: Muscled, 6 pack of abs, Phoenix on the back of right hand, Small Mustache
Clothing: (Light-Blue Winged Plate Armor, Light-Blue Plate Legs, Blue Centoraurian Winged Helm, Heavy Leather Gloves, and Centoraurian Blue Leather Rider Boots, Crystal Belt, and dual Rings of Crystals (Riding Armor)) (Brown Spiked Helm, Brown Spiked Plate Armor, Lava flowing Pants, Lava flowing Gloves, Centoraurian Leather Rider Boots (Hunting Armor))
Personality: Outgoing when in groups and Silent when hunting
Strengths: Skill in saber weapons (uses The Centoraurian Cavalry Saber as main weapon), Skill in Daggers (uses two Runorian Commoners Dagger as secondary/close combat weapon), and Smart Hunting Skills (attacks enemies at critical points)
Weaknesses: No Protection of own critical point, No skill in long range (has no knowledge of bows), No knowledge in magic (doesnt know any spell)
History: I was born in Centorauria. My mother is from The Centoraurian tribe, while my father is from the Erpheronian tribe. During my parents early years, they spent their weekends helping each other work. Soon, they began going out to eat and spend time to admire each other. Later, they got married in Erpheronia. My father told his father that they would buy an expensive house in Centorauria. So, they moved to Centorauria and I was born. As of now, I live in the house at the end of the street where my parents live. I am currently single. My mother being from Centorauria has learned to breed and herd horses, so I breed horses now. I currently have 2 horses. One horse is my riding horse called Quick Speed. My second horse is my hunting horse called Face Stomp. My Mom helped me raise my horses up to be strong. My father, being from Erpheronia, has taught me how to smith weapons and create swords. When he killed a couple of enemies in Runoria, he brought me back two daggers that the enemies used. Those daggers are now my secondary weapons. He also brought me back a Phoenix Necklace. He told me that it symbolizes the power of humans, and told me to keep it. I wear it all the time! My father and mother worked together to create the cavalry swords my mother used. So the cavalry sword is my main weapon.
Weapons: The Centoraurian Cavalry Saber (Main weapon/short distance combat), two Runorian Commoners Daggers (Secondary weapons/very close combat)
Belongings: Phoenix Necklace
Familiars: Strong Riding Horse (Quick Speed) and Hunting Horse (Face Stomp)

Riding Armor

Hunting Armor
« Last Edit: December 24, 2007, 06:59:56 PM by Twn Arerwn » Logged
Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
Mini-mod
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Gender: Female
Posts: 1114


Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2007, 06:02:46 PM »

Hello Sir Burning Shadow, and welcome to Santharia!

Firstly, would it be alright if you used paragraphs? Chunks of text is usually a put off. Secondly, a title isn't your occupation. It's more of a short phrase that describes your character. I would also like to see more on your appearance, personality and history. These here can't be all to your character, can it? ;) Remember, details are your friends. As for your clothing, I don't tihink that it's the only thing you wear all the time, I mean, people do have casual clothes.

Coming to your S&Ws (Strengths and Weaknesses), you're overpowered. I would suggest either finding more weaknesses or toning down on your strengths.  Also, knowing no magic or no skill with the bow is not acceptable as a weakness I'm afraid. Your character is compared against the average Santharian, and seeing as not many peasants know how to use a bow or magic...

Like I said before, please expand on your history, and it's generally discouraged to write it in the first person. As well, your familiars should be described too, and remember to use complete sentences.

Good luck!
Seh'nara
« Last Edit: December 24, 2007, 06:31:51 PM by Seh'nara Celebrindal » Logged

Torscha
Itinerant
Approved Character
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Posts: 283


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2007, 07:22:53 PM »

It also seems more than a little ludicrous to have a smith and/or horse breeder wearing armour made of crystal. "Smart hunting skills" are highly questionable when you're wearing armour made of what is essentially glass. It's reflective, heavy, traps heat, and as far as I know provides next to no protective properties. Not to mention has a tendency to break and fill you with sharp pointy things.

Correct me anyone if I'm wrong, but I don't think Santharia has any sort of naturally-occurring crystalline compounds which could be made into armour. Unless you bring magic into the equation, but if you want to say "A wizard did it" you're going to have to come up with a good reason why one would want to give magic armour to a horse breeder/smith instead of selling it to, say, a famous hero for a metric tonne of gold.
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