The vending machine.

[elven beauty 101]

The Vending Machine spits a very happy, but Mad Elvling, Me! He starts hugging everyone around.

I insert a Small Gold ring with firey letters glowing on its inside edge. I mutter "Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul." which you can't make heads or tails of.

[Khiran Styrya]

(ha! i just watched "the fellowship of the ring this morning on my ipod!)
  The vending machine shakes and then begins to glow. Then the ring pops back out in the slot. Believing nothing has or Will happen, you pocket the ring and before long, the ring beckons to you and begins to drive you mad. You attack anyone who comes near it and it corrupts your mind and you loose track of the years and 68 years has passed. all spent in solitude. The ring prolongs you're death and you grow weaker with the passing of each day. Finally the ring decides you are of no use and it removes it hold on you and the next day you die. Alone, forgotten and ugly.


Inserts a raccoon

[elven beauty 101]

lol, rabid racoon for you! enjoy rabbies!

Inserts my phone number.

[Khiran Styrya]

At the moment, nothing happens. You go home disappointed and then 3 days later you get a call. the voice that comes through your Motorola razor speakers is a soft and majestic voice that melts all of your fears and worries. This is the daily norm for 2 year. You begin to fall in love with the person on the other line. you beg to meet them and after many many months of pleading, she agrees. you then meet her the next day at an Italian restaurant only to discover that she is infact a he!!! the rest is up to you...



inserts an old beetles record

[fionn]

a swarm of shiny golden scarb beetles, each sporting minute feathered winggs tucked neatly under their expensive elytra, rush from the slot, climb all over you and clothe you in a beautiful glittering beelte suit. dont move, though, or they will go crunch, and you will have thousands of beetle murders on your conscience.

i insert my favourite orange hoody, shrunk in the wash. 

[elven beauty 101]

out pops a octopus version of Felik, who lays eggs in your stomach.

inserts the dead Axel Rose

[Fu Luft]

You receive a beautiful , red rose, who is weeping, apparently inconsolably. She (for the rose is a lady) cries out in a heartrending wail. Then she snorts like a woodhog, sniffs like a connoisseur of nose candy, and begins to rummage through her pockets, probably looking for a handkerchief. Instead, she finds a magnificient and humonguous battle-axe, recently sharpened, which she proceeds to wave about a bit. Mind your legs! The exercise seems to make her feel better, though, and she soon summons the strength to walk off and look for a cafe with some decent music.

I insert three mothballs and a cup of camomile tea.

[Mannix]

You get the cup of tea back. Picking it up you feel rather cheated. The machine just stole your mothballs. Oh well, better not let the tea go to waste. You blow on the tea first, and steam leaps from the cup, hitting your nose. An odd smell pierces your nostrils, not very tea-like. It smells peculiarly musky. Curious, you take a sip from the cup. Your tongue is greeted by the most pleasurable taste ever to fill our mouth. It seemed familiar, yet you can’t put your finger on what made this tea so good. So you take another sip, and another, and another, until only a few drops remain at the bottom of your cup. And still you don’t know what made it so special.

Over the next few days you spend agonisingly long hours pondering what was in the tea. Eventually, still without an answer, your yearning for another taste of the tea becomes to great and so you go out and buy as much tea and milk and as many mothballs as you can carry. Returning to the machine, you make a cup of tea. You take a sniff, but I just isn’t the same as your other tea. You must have some more.

So you insert the tea and three mothballs into the machine, and after the customary whirring, out pops another cup of tea. You take a whiff. Musky. Excited, you drink the whole cup in one gulp, not caring about the heat. It is like pure ecstasy, a taste unlike any other. As the taste starts to fade your yearning is still present. Making another cuppa, you insert it into the machine, along with the mothballs.

After several cups, you grow frustrated with the machine. Banging on it with your fists you scream, “What is in the tea? Why won’t you tell me?” No answer. Completely depressed, you slump to the ground to sulk. In a barely audible whisper you say, “What are you even doing with those mothballs?” And then it strikes you. The musky scent, oddly familiar. Mothballs are the secret ingredient. After making and drinking one final cup, you return home, thoroughly happy.

After a few days, and idea dawns on you. Perhaps you could make something out of this. And so over the next few months you set up a mothball tea producing factory around the vending machine. You have tried making the tea yourself, but it’s just not the same. Business goes brilliantly and everyone loves your tea, and so you.

But with friends come enemies, namely Wotho Kin Overborroughs, a prosperous cha’ah grower. But his prosperity has somewhat diminished since you came to town, fuelling his hate for you. He sneaks a spy into your factory and learns your horrible secret ingredient. Word gets out and sales drop. Nobody wants to consume mothballs. The health authorities come and shut you down and the vending machine becomes public again. Oh well, easy come, easy go.

I insert a rusty spoon, with a few drops of dried chocolate sauce caked on to it.

Mannix

[elven beauty 101]

hahaha, mannix, you almost make it worth while...

[Garrin Malhavik]

You get seven heralds trumpeting loudly in your ears, Mannix. You also contract tetanus from accumulated bad karma.

I insert my broken heart.

[Mannix]

As soon as your heart touches the machine light burst from it, surrounding you. You cover you eyes and stumble backwards. Slowly the bright patches on your eyes fade and your open them. The light is gone and you see the machine has given you your items. A roll of sticky-tape/cellotape/whatever else you want to call self-adhesive tape and a bar of chocolate lie a very short distance from your heart.You pick them up, the chocolate and tape in your left hand and the heart in your right. Quite befuddled, you look from one item to the other and then back again. You hear a quiet noise and looking back at the vending macine to see a small white card. Picking it up you see writing on it and read it. It tells you, "Tape and chocolate, excellent for mending." Again you hear a noise from the machine's direction, this time louder. When you look back up at it you see it has sprouted to arms. Shuffling across the floor towards you it wraps its arms around you in a hug. It seems you have broken the curse of the corrupted vending machine. Instead of a gift with a catch to it, as it had been giving of late, you have recieved a nice gift, with no strings attached.

I insert the tusk of a rather vengeful elephant.

[Lorek Bearfist]

The machine sprouts two demonic black horns and cackles in evil laughter. A pair of glowing red eyes opens on the machine and a mouthful of sharp yellow fangs comes forth. You watch as it also sprouts a set of four arms and grows a spider's eight-legged abdomen. The machine walks toward you with a sadistic and bloodthirsty look on its face. In cowardice, you backpedal and stumble. The machine picks you up, smiles and says "Happy New Year." You hear a clank from the machine and look down. You got a really ugly hat.

I insert my steel-toed shoes.

[seth ghibta]

you recve the god of health and safety. he is a small god, only coming up to your knees, and is made entirely from reflective plastic. his eyes are presumably behind the thich safety goggles he wears under a glowing yellow builders hat, and he looks up at you, brandishing a clipboard. aww, isnt he cute. you take him home and feed him the labels off things until he gets bored and goes away to get a job working for the council.

i insert my frozen pinkie fingers, which snapped off this morning from frostbite sustained whilst trying to do a biology exam in the hall. brr.

[Fu Luft]

The machine presents you with (1) a set of artificial fingers that can read and memorize school textbooks, and are also capable of automatically writing down the correct answers to exam questions, (2) a magic radiator that follows you around on its two pairs of legs and answers to the name of Fluffy, and (3) a stink bomb that you may use to take revenge on the school caretaker, or on whoever is responsible for your loss of limb. The machine also wishes you good luck with your exams.

I insert a small piece of obsidian that I found in an icecave in Iceland.

[seth ghibta]

the machine starts to rattle violently, and a strange figure steps out of it, laeving the slot considerably wider than usual. she is a beautiful stone queen, with quartz skin and eyes like frost rimed burning malachite. she steps towards you, viewing you with a fossilized and ancient superiority. you quickly bow to her, getting down on one knee, you find yourself shaking - she is so cold.
she stops, a stalactite hand going to her heart, from which she pulls a fistful of something you can't see. she reaches for your hand and you shudder as she takes your wrist, averting your eyes from the terrible stony grip of her glittering fingers. you feel something cold and hard pressed into your palm, and her grip eases, releasing your hand. you open your eyes to find her gone. in your hand is the peice of obsidian. it was too pretty - the vending machine has had an attck of conscience and couldn't take it from you. and now you know where it came from.

i insert a bottle filled with the small of old books.

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