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Author Topic: The Illiana Twins - Arthyron/Maeverhim - Hunter/Cook  (Read 13061 times)
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The Illiana Twins
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« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2008, 02:21:32 AM »

Okay. I scrapped the whole injury thing. IMHO, I don't think that I really need to have a physical weakness to counter my strengths, psycological ones work fine too. I added in a fear of snakes (with a backstory of course.) and took out the whole wolf thing. Thanks Azhira. :)
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The Illiana Twins
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« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2008, 10:59:13 PM »

Bumpidity bump.  grin
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Lorek Bearfist
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« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2008, 11:30:01 PM »

I haven't taken the time to go over the comments of my fellow Santharians as of just yet. However, I did notice one thing I'm not sure was caught. The Whirlwind sword I'm afraid is impossible for your character to possess for it is a magica item. They are currently under restriction/ban because they simply out balance any character. I suggest gaining Administrative approval before you attempt to have a magical item of that magnitude. Take care and I wish you a speedy approval.
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"My blade is malicious justice forged into metallic form! I seek the blood and destruction of all who persecute the innocent! Wickedness, I am your killer!" - Lorek Bearfist

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The Illiana Twins
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« Reply #18 on: April 19, 2008, 11:13:41 PM »

Thanks to the guy who wanted twins, I remembered this little CD of mine. :) I'm bumping it, and any and all comments welcome!
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Rookie Brownbark
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« Reply #19 on: April 21, 2008, 06:32:57 PM »

Hey my dear, commenty goodness as promised.  Overall, really nice well thought out CD, I love their personalities in particular.  However, there are a couple of things which dont quite seem to fit.

~ They dont seem very elven.  As you probably know, elves are not just humans with pointy ears, but it seems to me that these are they have very human emotions, human desires and failuresbut the thing is I like the emotions, desires and failures which you have given them, theyre really well rounded, funny, realistic.  Just, strike me as human :P.  What is stopping you from making them human? One in particular strikes me as odd the fact that Xander is a bit of a man-slut.  Elves are supposed to have less of a sex drive than humans, so it seems weird that he is particularly drawn towards this act.  If you really wanted to keep them as elves, then maybe something else would draw him in hes addicted to the power/romance?

~ Having a Torn Eagle is stretching the boundaries of reality enough, even without the fact that it gets on with the small, delicious creature which is so conveniently close by.  The eagle is a mountain bird, pretty unsociable unless towards a mate, independent, wildwhy doesnt it just fly off back to its usual territory?  Its not too much of a stretch to say that it has bonded to Xander and hangs around for the free hand-outs, but I cant really see it showing much affection more than gracing him with its presence, and it has grown up eating things like Mios.  Also, how does it act in cities?  Is it possible to coax it indoors?  You could add a good weakness with all the problems a wild eagle will cause you.

~ Quallian Ss'nen are also known to be unsociable creatures  The Ss'nen is not a very social animal, it roams alone until the mating season, says the entry.  So why is it sociable towards you?  Why does it protect you?

~ Could you explain the Whirlwind sword?  Im not sure what it is

I hope those thoughts help, feel free to raise any counter-thoughts here or on IRC :)

Rookie xxx
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The Illiana Twins
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« Reply #20 on: April 27, 2008, 08:02:39 PM »

Thanks Rookie. :)

1. Well, I changed it so there's less of a sex thing and more of a flirting thing.

2. I made it so that Xander was the one that raised her and trained her, so I think its different enviornment should be okay.

3. It protects her because she saved it when it was about to die. :P

4. Explained. ;)

Any other comments welcomed!
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Mannix
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« Reply #21 on: April 27, 2008, 08:27:00 PM »

Hi Twins,

Excellent CD.  You have a few, but only a few, spelling mistakes.  A spell check should fix that.  Apart from that very well done.  Good luck with approval, it shouldn't be far.

Mannix
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The Illiana Twins
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« Reply #22 on: May 01, 2008, 01:41:36 AM »

~Bump~
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #23 on: May 02, 2008, 08:40:09 PM »

Well, I took one more look over on this CD and found it to be quite good. All comments were implemented and both characters seem balanced to me. I like the detailed descriptions and I look forward to see how you would RP these two. I don't think an approval is far away now.  ;)
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Rookie Brownbark
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« Reply #24 on: May 02, 2008, 08:57:01 PM »

Magical Sword!!  Magical Sword! "Items containing magical attributes of any kind" are listed as banned my dears.
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The Illiana Twins
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« Reply #25 on: May 02, 2008, 09:43:29 PM »

Rookie:

Quote
@Mina: I have permission from Kali, on the condition that they're balanced.

:)
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Rookie Brownbark
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« Reply #26 on: May 02, 2008, 09:44:18 PM »

Sorry then!  buck
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The Illiana Twins
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« Reply #27 on: May 02, 2008, 09:45:05 PM »

No matter. ;) Anyone else?
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Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #28 on: May 03, 2008, 11:43:54 AM »

Well as the sword is a magical item and you have permission for its use, I do have a simple thing to mention in regards to it. Well actually a few things. First for it to be invisible while starring at it's edge. Is this a magical affect or is the blade that thin? If it is truly that thin then this is not possible. Even something as small as a human hair can be seen, in order for it to be invisible, completely, it would have to be molecular in width.

Major minus of such a weapon: Due to its extreme weightlessness it would have an infinitesimal amount of impact. The blows more like a whip than a sword and most any metallic armor would easily turn its blows aside.

The familiars should be listed under Strengths. True you have that the eagle doesn't have combative uses but it does still help to feed your character.

 
« Last Edit: May 03, 2008, 12:02:21 PM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

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Torscha
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« Reply #29 on: May 03, 2008, 09:35:33 PM »

Actually, there have been whip-swords in the past. I'm thinking of a Punjab Sikh weapon. Of course, it wasn't as ridiculously thin as this Whirlwind Sword might be, but the concept was that being thin, and metal being ductile, it was extremely flexible, and the whipping motion actually causes the cutting edge to accelerate at whip-speeds. Now, the characteristic crack of a whip is made by the tip of it actually breaking the sound barrier. Think of the same effect achieved by a piece of sharp metal. Granted that it still won't cut through armour, but it has the advantage of range, and also is impossible to block using conventional parries or shields.

Think whipping motions towards the eyes, neck, wrists, ankles. These are areas not likely to be covered by anyone not actually wearing a full suit of armour, and who wears full plate everywhere they go? As a personal defense weapon, the Whirlwind Sword might be rather exotic, but not entirely impractical.
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