Airyn / Kay’rrhem / Healer + Water Mage

[Airyn]

All done Garret, thanks for the edit.

Yes, the chicken has no bones
His hair is found on the floor from malting... you know how dogs with long hair malt quite often. My dog has long hair   

[Garret Arroway]

Looks good to me and the whole sheding hair thing didn't come to mind due to the way it was worded, though it looks better now. Good job.

[Airyn]

Sweet. Thanks 

[Fu Luft]

Hi Airyn,

And welcome to Santharia from a fellow wizard! Great to see a brave lady who isn’t afraid to tackle one of the most complicated aspects of this fantasy world. I’m relatively new, and not a magic expert by far, but I thought I’d give my half-a-sans worth. So here goes:

One of the three spells you list, “Skin of Painlessness”, is not actually properly described in the compendium. It only appears with a short paragraph in the Water Magic Overview, but hasn’t got its own entry yet. I think that means it's unusable in roleplay. (Among other things, “Painlessness” doesn’t have an assigned level, so we don’t know whether your Level III mage could have mastered it.) An alternative that would fit to your character, I think, may be the “Calm” spell. This would also have the advantage that it’s Level I, whereas your other two spells are of higher levels. You write that Airyn likes her spells because they are the first she learned, but she would definitely need to have started with a Level I spell.

Oh, I just see from Twen’s comments that you initially did have the Calm spell in an earlier draft. I see no reason why you shouldn’t use it, and I don't think that Twen meant to imply that you couldn't. "Calm" is a Water spell, and hence from your chosen element. To be sure, "Calm" is from the spiritual representation of water, rather than the physical representation, but it's perfectly fine to have spells from both the physical and the spiritual representations of your element.

In general, I found your magic section a bit confusing at times. Sometimes I didn’t understand which spell you were talking about in a particular sentence. Maybe you've changed it so much in response to earlier comments that it's become a bit incoherent. It may be worth rearranging your magic section so that each of your three spells has its own paragraph. For a good example, have a look at Azhira’s CD (you can find it by clicking on the link in her signature). It’s a model of clarity, and I used it as an example myself when I wrote my own magic section.

In your “Strengths” Section you write:

As a skilled water mage, Airyn has taken each and every day since her tenth birthday to learn the ways of magic

As you know, ten is too young to start studying magic, especially for an elf. You need to bring this sentence up to date with the history section, where Airyn (correctly) is said to have started studying magic in her twenties.

By the way, I think you could get away with knowing a few more spells than three, if you wanted – especially if Airyn would be less than perfect at some additional spells. My own wizard is not even one full day into his first story, but has already had occasion to use three different spells (of the seven he has mastered). It’s been fun!

I hope this helps a bit. Good luck with the approval process!

Sincerely, Fu

[Airyn]

Thankyou, Fu for pointing out my mistakes, I don't think I would have realised.

I guess I think that I don't want my character to be 'perfect'. For balance, I want her a little flawed and favour of three spells sort of gives that balance. She knows other spells, but they are mostly offensive and that's against her nature.

I would also like to see how she grows, and how her magic use grows, during the roleplay if that's allowed. It'll be fun to see what kind of sticky situations call for magic.

I hope everything makes sense now, thankyou for letting me know.


 

[Fu Luft]

I think your magic section has definitely improved. I leave it to the experts to have another look.

Just a few quick notes:

When you mention the spell "Harmony", I guess you mean (click here: ) this spell? It's called "Calm" in its own entry, even though "Harmony", as mentioned in the Water Magic Overview, is probably intended to be the same thing. I'd advise you to call it 'Calm' in your CD, because that will make it easier, later, for other players to look up the spell if they want to read up on your abilities. 

You've still got the "tenth birthday" thing at the beginning of your strengths section, which I pointed out before. 

I like that you think about limiting your abilities, and about your potential for growth. Just remember that learning a single spell may take many months of study under expert guidance, so it may be difficult to incorporate substantial improvement into a story that you're playing in. Not so easy to learn new tricks while you're on the go! But as I say, up to you.

All best, Fu

[Azhira Styralias]

Hi Airyn! Your CD looks great so far. I do like the new familiar section and I am sure Garret will have a look at it soon. I have some comments on your magic section as I consider it one of my specialties.

Magic
Airyn has skilfully mastered the first Sphere of magic at the Ximax Academy of Magic, choosing to focus her interest on both the physical and the spiritual aspects of water.  Her desire for peace and a cheeky need of entertainment led her to the element. She is enchanted by water, and the forms it can take; admiring its beauty and understanding its restlessness. Airyn is capable of influencing the ounia of the element to create a change in its appearance and position. She can also alter it to influence someone’s mind.

Airyn does not use her magic to replace weapons. She hates any kind of fighting, and refuses to use her magic for those situations – even in her own defence. Airyn relies on her bodily strength and willpower to escape a troublesome situation. She knows more spells than the ones she favours, but they are ones that are used to harm or manipulate a person; both of which Airyn is strongly against doing.

Airyn has had no mentor, aside from the magicians and the lecturers at the Ximax Academy. Her father provided her inspiration to learn magic, and her determination and indifference led her to study the element of water. It was during her time spent at Ximax that she discovered that her strength lay with the physical, and most exciting, aspect of water magic.

The sphere of change enables her to influence water’s caráll to change water into ice with the touch of her open palm (What you are doing here is lowering the temperature of the water's ounia to create the ice. Realize that gestures and an open palm are not required to cast magic, but if you use your hand as a focus, be sure to mention it.). She has learnt (learned) how to control the thickness of the ice that she spreads over the water’s surface, and has only used it against a person once, during the lesson which called for her to use an offensive spell on a target. (<-- How exactly did you use this ability offensively? Give an example). Anything covered with water, or anything with water on it, has the ability to be frozen by the touch of her skin and fierce concentration. (<-- Remember, everything has water ounia in it. Living things and non-living things. The real skill lies in influencing the ounia no matter how much of it an object has. Freezing water is considered easy as water obviously has alot of water ounia. Freezing a rock is much harder as the water ounia in stone is much less. A living person or animal would have an abundant amount of water ounia so you can actually freeze internal organs or skin. Imagine that kind of power!) Though this spell is the one that Airyn is the most comfortable with, it is the one that she fears the most. Airyn takes great care to keep her target in one place, so as not to freeze anything of importance accidentally.

Since Airyn deals with a range of negative emotions in her profession, she uses the spell Harmony to influence her patient’s frame of mind when she places two fingers on a piece of open skin. She finds that it causes her less grief later on in the day, if she makes her subject feel at ease with whatever situation they might be in that called for her aid. Spiritual spells are harder for her to cast, and require more focus, as she fears making a mistake. Airyn cannot permanently influence the mind, but she is capable of sending someone into a trance-like state, where they have no knowledge of the natural emotions, such as danger or fear. Airyn just tries to make someone comfortable and calm. She doesn’t like to go overboard in controlling their emotions, she influences it just enough for her to do her job and move on to the next person.

(Spiritual influence is not as difficult. You simply have to tune yourself into the non-physical aspect of the target, the spiritual aspect. Emotions can be chaotic and by influencing the spiritual water aspect, you can either turn a chaotic mind into a calm wave or give chaos to stillness. Of course, Sphere I could never influence a mind for long, and never permanently, but you could do enough to distract someone or calm an angry person.)

Shape Water doesn’t exactly come in handy all the time, but it is the last and final spell that Airyn has developed a liking for. She simply has to place a hand in a mass of water and focus her will on influencing the car’all of the element.
 This spell didn’t take as long to learn to cast as Harmony did, but she still finds it tricky to cast as it is the spell that tires her the most. Mostly she uses it to redirect the water’s flow, when it rains or when a bucket is spilled for example, but she just likes to watch it ripple and move as she creates shapes and bends it in different angles.

Spell casting always has an affect on Airyn, no matter how small the spell. Each time she uses magic, it has a tiring effect on her, resulting in her becoming drowsy and sometimes dizzy. Physical spells allow her more control and enable her to use them for at least five minutes before they take their effect, but spiritual spells require the most concentration and willpower. Airyn uses more of her will to use spells that alter the mind, as she fears loss of control. They cannot be used for very long, and she only uses it when she is talking to her patients. Constant training has enabled her to extend her use to about three minutes, five at the most, but she needs to take breaks in between her casting. (<-- If spell casting causes this kind of effect on you, you may with to mention it as a weakness for you.)

Her favourite pastime is freezing things, and making water move in all sorts of directions and angles. She loves the combination of water and ice, and would be more than willing to spend hours on end watching the water move and freeze before her eyes if it did not have such an effect on her. She often chooses to perform her tricks near a large body of water, rather than just puddles and ponds as it is easier for her to concentrate in the silence and peace of a secluded area, rather than the bustle of the city.

(Overall, a nice and simply magic section. With imagination, you can find many uses for your skills other than what you mention here.  )

Go ahead and make some of these tweaks. I'll give you a First Approval now, though. 

[Airyn]

*Does the 'happy dance' and giggles uncontrollably*

Yay, awesome!

I'll get right to the magic section and sorry Fu, I completely forgot about that little bit in the S&W section. 

[Eléyr Fásamár]

Alright Airyn, good job!

~Second Approval~

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

Go ahead and remove the color from your changes. You can keep the color for the titles of the categories

Let me know when that is done and I shall title and archive ya

[Airyn]

Thankyou HEAPS everyone   

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

Alrighty! You are titled now, hun. And this CD shall go to the Archives! Happy story hunting

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