Valan/Scholar/Erpheronian

[Valan Nonesuch]

Self-sufficient but I thought it needed expanding. Looks like I'll have to go back to the drawing board.

edit: Scrap that. I think the effort in attempting to figure it out would be just a little counter productive. I don't know why I had it there in the first place, I'm going to strike that off.

[Azhira Styralias]

Was this ready for comment? Still work in progress? Not sure here... It looks a bit incomplete to me still. Correct me if I am wrong.

[Valan Nonesuch]

It should be ready to comment. I at least can't seem to find anything more to do with it.

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

A welcome from me on the RPG-board as well, Valan!

I will have a short look at your history only, for it seems to me a bit short (though I'm for short histories), many things are not working or are not explained.

As you have chosen an Erpheronian character, you have surely read the nomenclature section as well: An Erpheronian has surely not just one name. Here on the RPG board you don't need to follow the strict rules of forming a name, but I would expect a second name , or for a scholar a honourary name !

History
As a young child, Valan was fascinated by the (usually exaggerated) tales the sailors told after arriving from more interesting places (at least to the young boy). The idea that people lived great distances away, and his interest made it only natural that he would start to collect some of these stories. The University held great fascination for the fisherman's son, who never showed much proficiency with boats.

You are the son of a fisherman?
OK - so how did he get to know the stories of sailors (travelling great distances?) as a young boy, how did he meet them?

How did he collect these stories? Just memorising them (if he heard them at all)

How does a fisherman#s son come to think of university? How does he know at all, what that is, unable to read and write?

Indeed, travel by anything other than foot had disastrous results for Valan. One unfortunate incident involving a horse left him with a broken right leg that has not healed properly and has led to a limp in his later years.Young Valan attempted to lead a horse and it's wagon away from the docks, fell from the seat when something frightened the creature. His leg was run over by the loaded cart, and broken badly.

It is clearly to see, that you added that last sentence without trying to incorporate it properly. It is better you change the whole section, not just add a sentence of explanation to what you already have.

Sea travel made him violently ill, and his mortal fear of horses meant that access to much of the world would be slow for the would-be scholar.

Why does a fisherman's son go on seavoyages and not just learn his father's job? How has he become a would-be scholar?

Valan's efforts would eventually earn him some money, though he worked as a sometimes researcher at the university, aiding those who actually taught things by finding materials within the massive library.

With what did he earn money? How did he become a researcher? Who told him to read and write in the first place? How did he climb the ladder so efficiently to be able to work in the library, to be permitted inside? How did he learn to find things there, if others didn't?

Valan's interest was piqued by the sheer amount of history within the library. History, he reasoned, would always be happening, and someone had to write about it at some point. Historians therefore, would always have jobs. At least until people ran out of things to do.

The itinerant researchers, compendiumists and the like, intrigued Valan, and despite his poor luck with both conveyances all of all sorts, Valan set out to record history as it happened, in the best way one could: on foot.

I don't understand how you can record "history" by travelling the countryside. I don't think you can "record" history in present time. Events maybe, even events which might be forming the future history, but I think you can do that only accidentally, or maybe at the court of the Santhros at certain times...

Make yourself clearer, please

[Ridgen Sú'ufanán]

Hello again Valan, I won't act stupid this time there is something in your history section that always caught my eye, and even though someone else had told you, you have really never changed it.

Valan's efforts would eventually earn him some money, though he worked as a sometimes researcher at the university, aiding those who actually taught things by finding materials within the massive library.

Now, a sometimes researcher? What is that? Seriously, what is that? It just doesn't make sense. That's all from me.

__________________________________________________________

-Disclaimer-
No offense is meant in this post.

[Valan Nonesuch]

Well, in response to that Inxth, using sometimes as an adjective in this case would be similar to saying that Indiana Jones is a sometimes professor. He isn't always teaching class, since he's running off and battling nazis or similar persons with accents, and chasing after artifacts.

Sometimes there simply isn't any more to write. Quantity is not equal to quantity, though my history in it's present form contains neither.

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

Well, Inxth, 'sometimes researcher' might not be a valid expression, but it is not difficult to guess, what Valan meant - somebody who works only sometimes as a researcher, right?

And - I think I my last post made very clear, that he has to expand on his history, so just saying the same makes not much sense - it is just frustrating to hear it twice.

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

I think it is how it is worded, not what it means, that is confusing Valan ^.~

Just an FYI.

[Valan Nonesuch]

Since we've cleared that up, I'll think of how to change it. I rather like the expression but it appears to be giving folk trouble, so I'll see what I can do to hammer out that particular dent.

[Ridgen Sú'ufanán]

That's good. I'm looking forward to see the new post.

[Valan Nonesuch]

Most recent batch of fixes (pending my history having it's new spine broken) are in Teal

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

Valan, if you don't put more effort in your writing your CD, how will you be able to do decent posts in a story? You just add a few things without giving the whole a good thought. It doesn't help, if you replace fisherman's son with merchant, if you don't change the rest. Why and where should a merchant's son hear sailor stories?

The Lorehold held great fascination for the merchant's son, who never showed much proficiency with boats.

That is outright nonsense. And  my questions above remain the same, a merchants son might be told how to calculate and learn how to write rudimentary, but that doesn't make him a scholar. Frankly, I don't see you able to play a scholar if you can't get your CD properly done. 

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

Let's pull on the reigns a bit here. The purpose is to help and not make people feel incompetent. A simple pointing out "you didn't fix everything" would've sufficed here.

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

Kalina, I don't think, that would have been enough. It is not just the case of not fixing all, but not doing it the right way. Not 'incompetence' is the problem here, but the lacking will of thinking hard enough what is required, or needed, to have a well-rounded outcome. And as Valan dives in the dev-board as well - and is welcomed there - he better learns this quickly. And so far I have not doubt, that he is able to do this. I just wanted to give him a (soft ) kick in the right direction.

So, Valan, sit down and do your homework

And no worries, Kalina, I will not meddle with other CDs which do not touch my area of interest.

[Valan Nonesuch]

Would it hurt to ask "How?"
History is by no means my strong point, in any way I can think of. At all.
A pointer or two would be very much appreciated.

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